School Sucks
by Shadow Jaganshi
Summary: Due to a bet, Shadow and Hiei are back in school. Doom ensues. But that's not the only focus of this fic. Relationships flourish. We'll leave it there.
1. Potato

**(1-14-05) Well here's the famed "mystery fic." I hope you didn't have some grand ideas in your head. I've sorta used the idea before, but it was different...School either was or wasn't the main focus of the other fics. I think this is more a focus on relationships and stuff... Maybe sorta not... But maybe... But... Ah, dammit. I can't believe I'm writing a humor/_romance_. This cursed story, it's... Ah, God. Just read it. Leave me alone! ::cries in a corner::

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**CHAPTER ONE  
**POTATO!!!

"Ah... Life is wonderful..." Shadow sighed, sinking down to her neck in her swimming pool.

"Psh. Maybe _yours_..." Yusuke muttered.

"My life _is_ wonderful, thank you."

"Mine sucks."

"Why?"

"First, because you exist. Second, because of school. Everyone there is retarded, and I have to do this homework or Keiko will have my head on a platter!"

"She wouldn't do that. You're kind of important."

"Not if I flunk math again. This is the final report of the year, before our final grades and our summer break. If I don't do this, I get a zero and that drops my grade to a high F! For FLUNK!"

"Whatever. I'm just glad I don't have to do that stuff." And with that, Shadow submerged. Hiei walked over to Yusuke and peered over his shoulder at the paper.

"Wow. Sucks to be you."

"Yusuke, pi is 3.14," Kurama said grimly, looking over his other shoulder. "You've done every single problem on there wrong."

"WHAT? Oh, this is shit! I give up!" He flung the paper up in the air and stomped away.

The top of Shadow's head, up to her eyes, surfaced. She watched him storm into the house, and then she eyed the abandoned paper Hiei was examining. Bubbles floated up as she tried to talk, gagged, and had to drag herself out of the pool by her own ear.

"Gag! Hack! Cough!" she wheezed, her legs dangling in the pool as she spit up water on the lawn.

"CANNONBALL!" Eclipse came tearing out of the house and leapt over Shadow, doing a cannonball into the pool and splashing water everywhere.

Shadow sat there spluttering for a second. "Wow. I'm all wet."

Hiei sighed. "You were underwater, Shadow, of course you're wet."

"Good point. You know, I bet I could do his homework," Shadow said. "He's just stupid."

"DON'T CALL ME STUPID!" Yusuke shouted, walking out the back door. "You would DIE if you had to go to school!"

"No I wouldn't."

"We went to school before, remember?" Hiei said.

"If I recall correctly, Shadow was a lot less... Stupid... then..." Kurama said. "I think you probably _would_ die if you had to go to school."

"For an entire year!" Yusuke said. "As a matter of fact, I challenge you! I bet there's no way you'll survive another year in school."

"Me? I could! I'm almightily superior to you and your dumb pies! What have pies got to do with math, anyway?"

"Pi is a number, Shadow."

"No it's not! It's food!"

Kurama sighed. "I'll be smart, then. Pi is approximately 3.14. It expresses the ratio of the circumference to the diameter of a circle and appears as a constant in many mathematical expressions."

Shadow narrowed her eyes. "I _hate_ you... Dictionary..."

"Yes, I know, I'm hated often by people too stupid to admire me..." Kurama joked.

"So do you accept the challenge?" Yusuke asked, glaring at Shadow.

"Yes I do! I will go to this thing you call school, and I will survive it."

"With an A average all year. And without missing a day."

"HEY! You just added that!"

"Should have read the fine print, Shadow," Yusuke admonished.

"I never read the fine print! Wait, fine print on what?"

Yusuke held up a sheet of paper he'd just scribbled this down on.

"Incomprehensible scriggly things!" Shadow said cheerfully. "I can't read that at all! Not even the not-fine print! Stupid bastard!"

"It says you agree to go to school for a full year and get an A average, and look, you signed it," Yusuke said, pointing to a dotted line with an X on it.

"That doesn't look like it says 'Shadow Jaganshi' to me..."

Hiei sighed. "Retard."

"You're in this with me, you know! Everywhere I go, you go!" Shadow threatened.

"I am not! I am not surgically attached to you!"

"Yes you are, and you know what? I'll find a way for you to go to school with me, even though Koenma finally officialized you as being like, twenty-eight..."

"When'd he do that?"

"When I harassed him to."

"... Why?"

"Because you go to jobs and work and you don't EXIST! It's not good!"

"But I get paid, so what does it--"

"BRILLIANT IDEA! Nobody move!"

"What is it?" Yusuke asked.

"You moved, dammit! I forgot!"

Collective sigh. "That's to be expected."

"Wait, wait! I just figured out how Hiei's going to school with me! Come, much preparation is indeed going to occur in near futuristic times!" Shadow grabbed Hiei's wrist and ran into the house.

"You can't send her to Mieou High again, Yusuke," Kurama said. "And there's no way she'll sustain an A average for an entire year."

"She's going to Mieou High, Kurama. As a matter of fact, you're going to sign her up and she'll go at the start of this next coming school year."

"I really don't think this is a good idea..."

"Sure it's a good idea!" Eclipse said, appearing out of nowhere behind him. "It'll be like the good old days!"

"What 'good old days' are you referring to, Eclipse? Shadow's never gone to school with you before," Kurama pointed out.

"Me and you and Shadow, skipping merrily through the hallways while everyone stares at us like we're nuts... Ah, those were the days."

"... I don't recall ever skipping through the hallways with you OR Shadow... As a matter of fact, I think the last time I skipped was... Well, I don't remember _ever_ skipping..."

"You poor, deprived child," Eclipse muttered, shaking her head sadly.

"When in reality you're several hundred years old, Eclipse, skipping feels a bit immature..." Kurama pointed out.

"I still skip, and I'm sixteen."

"You're a completely different story..."

"Story?! I like stories!" Eclipse plopped down on the ground and looked up at him. "Do tell!"

Kurama groaned. "That's not what I meant..."

Meanwhile, through all this, inside the house Shadow had been talking to Hiei.

"So what's your grand idea...?" Hiei asked, not sure whether to fear the answer or not.

"You, Hiei, are going to become a teacher!"

"**NO,**" the fire demon replied firmly, without hesitation. "No way, Shadow. You couldn't _pay me_ to be a teacher."

"Well, you _will_ get paid if you're hired..."

"I don't even know the first thing about teaching!"

"Yes you do! Here's the first thing: You're in charge, and the kids have to do what you say or they get punished. You know that. You know more about teaching than you think! You've taught me stuff with a sword! You'd make a great teacher."

"Shadow... Listen to me. Teaching sword techniques to a half demon friend of mine and teaching school subjects to a bunch human kids I don't know are two totally different things. You accepted the bet with Yusuke. You get to go to school, I get to stay home. Okay?"

Shadow looked at him pathetically. "Please?"

_"NO!!!"_ his mind screamed for him to say, but he settled for, "There might not even be any openings _there_, Shadow."

"If there are, will you consider applying?"

_"**NO!**"_ his mind screamed again. "I don't want to, Shadow."

"Please? For me?"

"You owe me!" she insisted.

"What for?!"

"So many things, Hiei. So many things. Like for starters, this is my house. I've been kind letting you live here for the past two years. In addition to that, I cook for you several times a week, I clean the house on occasion for your benefit, I do all the womanly things the lady of the house should do, DON'T I?!"

It was an undeniable fact. "Yes, I suppose so..." he said meekly.

"What have you done for me in return?"

"I did get that job at the prison just so you could have money and get a pool, and I bought you your motorcycle, and if need be, I protect you."

"All things I could have done myself. It's just easier to send you off, since you're the man and traditionally, men do everything outside the house and women stay home and take care of the kids we don't have!"

"Yeah? Well, all that stuff you do for me, I can do myself. I _did_ live in Makai for a long time, Shadow."

"Fine! Go ahead! Go live in your trees like you used to! I bet that in a week or less you'll be back!"

"Yeah right!"

"I bet you'll die if you have to go a week without seeing me, without me to talk to or fix your food or wash your clothes! Without having a roof over your head or a warm, soft bed to sleep in! You know, the weatherman predicts torrential downpours on Wednesday and Thursday! I hope you drown! Get out! I don't want to see you unless you're ready to come back and go apply to teach at Mieou High!" Shadow snapped.

"Fine! But I bet you'll be the one regretting my absence!" Hiei spun on his heel and walked away angrily, pushing past Yusuke, who cussed at him, and then stamping into the forest.

"What was that all about?!" Yusuke snapped angrily at Shadow.

"I banished him from my sight," she replied calmly. "For a whole week."

"What for?! Is he cheating on you or something?!"

"NO, FOOL!" Shadow snapped. "We made a bet!" She pushed past him. "Hey Kurama!"

The redhead was sitting on the ground reading over Yusuke's math paper, marking off things with a red pen, circling and adding things. Shadow went over to him.

"Hey, are there any teachers retiring at your school at the end of this year?" she asked.

"Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?" he asked, chewing the end of his pen before marking a few things off on Yusuke's paper.

"Huh?"

"Even if I hadn't heard the entire argument, Hiei would have told me anyway when I asked," Kurama said, sparing her a glance.

"You suck. So are there?"

"Yes, a few..."

"Such as?"

"Um..." Kurama circled a few things on the paper then looked up at Shadow, thinking. "Umeki-sensei. She's taught History for about thirty years... Then there's Nanami-sensei, but he taught the freshmen science classes... The English teacher, Mason-sensei, is being transferred, and Ukiri-sensei is moving to Yusuke's school. He taught phys. ed."

"And they don't have a replacement yet? For any of them?"

"There's still nearly a month of school, then three months of summer vacation. They have plenty of time... Mason-sensei is being replaced by another American... I believe his name was Stonewood or something..."

"Stone wood? That makes little sense..."

"What?"

"Well, a stone and wood are two completely different things!"

"You don't speak English!"

"Yes I do! You mean you've never heard me swearing in English?"

"Well, maybe, but that's just swearing. It doesn't mean you speak the language fluently."

"Yes, I'm quite fluent. I also know a few simple sentences in German and Russian, but nothing much. But boy could I cuss somebody out in about twenty different languages!" she said proudly. Then she cleared her throat. "Ahem... Anyway, so Hiei could apply for a history teacher or a phys. ed. teacher?"

"I think the chemistry teacher is transferring to a school in Hokkaido... Usually we don't get so many new teachers in a single year... Too bad we can't get a new principal..."

"Aw, dude, do you still have that same dipshit guy who wanted to beat the crap out of me and Hiei because we supposedly assaulted that one whore in your fan club?"

"Yamashita. Yes." Kurama spotted something on Yusuke's paper and sighed, muttering, "_Area_ of a circle varies _directly_ with the square of its radius..." He scribbled something out and wrote out an equation above it.

"Damn. I'm gonna suffer," Shadow sighed, choosing to ignore the math talk. "Somehow I can't picture Hiei being a chemistry teacher."

"Neither can I, Shadow. I can't picture him being a teacher of any sort at all, really... YUSUKE, COME HERE!"

Shadow paused. "He'll come back in under a week, won't he?"

"I doubt it, Shadow. Despite how he acts, he's still able to block off any emotions, and after living in Makai in worse conditions than anything here, he's quite capable of living in the ningen wilderness around your home."

"Love is a very strong emotion, Kurama. Surely you know that."

"Are you saying he loves you? Is this just something you're guessing, or is there something substantial to prove it?"

"What did you want? You know you could have come to _me_." Yusuke interrupted their conversation. Kurama and Shadow exchanged a glance before the redhead stood up and held out Yusuke's paper to him.

"I fixed it up a bit. Go type it up and call me if you need help with anything else. We can't have you failing any more."

"Hey, thanks!" Yusuke said, looking over the paper with a smile. "I wish you'd type it for me too, but you know, I guess I kinda need to do something on my own..."

"True. Now get to it. It's due tomorrow, isn't it?"

"Yeah... Where'd Hiei go, anyway?"

"Long story," Shadow said. "Get lost. Go do your paper. I need to discuss something with the fox."

"Fine, whatever," Yusuke replied, walking away. Shadow looked back at Kurama.

"You were saying before he interrupted?"

"About Hiei and your relationship. Has he admitted love?"

"Well, not in exact words..."

"He hasn't marked you?"

"No, and before you ask, we never had sex either."

Kurama nodded. "I see. Well, I can understand if he does love you. You certainly are close friends."

"Yes, that's why I'm sure he won't like being away from me for a week."

"He can see you, though, with his Jagan, so he won't be as separated from you as you will be from him."

Shadow paused. "He could be watching us right now, couldn't he?"

"It's possible."

"Listening to everything we say."

"Yes."

"He's had countless opportunities to spy on me in the shower."

Kurama seemed slightly disturbed. "Um, well, yes, I suppose so, but that doesn't mean he _has_..."

"But should he ever develop some extreme pervert streak, he'd have no problem."

"...True..."

"I bet if Youko had a Jagan, he'd use it a lot more often than Hiei..."

"..." Kurama seemed really uncomfortable on the subject.

"Hey... When Youko was part of Hiei--"

"So, Shadow, what classes are you thinking of taking?" the redhead asked abruptly. Shadow blinked.

"Well I'm probably gonna take English, and-- Hey... wait... He didn't..."

"You should probably take something easy, so you can keep--"

"He _DID_, DIDN'T HE!"

"No! No, he didn't..." Kurama replied nervously.

"OH, THAT LECHER WILL PAY!"

"He didn't, I mean, he didn't _see_ anything!"

Shadow practically exploded. Then she started shuddering with disgust and fumed, clenching her fists until her fingernails dug into her palms, babbling incoherently before spinning and stomping away cursing loudly in a wide variety of languages, occasionally shuddering and letting out disgusted yelps.

"Hey Kur-- What's your problem?" Yusuke said, nearly running over her in the doorway. "Where's Kurama?"

She looked at him and let out a strangled '...Eeep...' and walked away shuddering. Yusuke stared after her for a second until Kurama came up on the porch.

"What's wrong with _her_?"

"Never mind, Yusuke."

"Oh. Well I need help on my paper."

"Mm-hm..." the fox said distractedly. Yusuke stared at him, then looked after Shadow with a slightly annoyed look.

"What is going on here all of a sudden?"

"Nothing..."

Eclipse came running up onto the porch and through the door, pushing both boys aside in her hurry, though it was unnecessary since they were several feet apart anyway. She vanished up the stairs. Yusuke, lying on the ground, blinked and glared in her direction.

"Stupid girl. What's her problem?!"

A second later, there was an explosion. "HE DID **_WHAT?!_**"

"I've gotta go," Kurama said quickly.

"What? You're gonna leave me here with _them_? ALONE?"

"Yes," the fox said, already out the door.

"Why?"

"MOVE!" Eclipse pushed Yusuke aside and went after Kurama.

"Eek!" The fox ran. She followed.

"Hey! What's going on?!" Yusuke shouted. Eclipse tackled Kurama.

"It wasn't me! It was Youko!" he yelped.

"Well then transform so I can bludgeon 'im!" Eclipse yelled.

"And Hiei had some part in it too, you know," he said meekly.

"Hiei's not HERE. Where's Youko?"

"Youko is a little... occupied...?"

"Then I'll beat YOU."

"Eee..." He struggled out from under her and managed to get to his car and speed away. She glared.

"YOU CAN RUN, BUT I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!"

"What the heck is going on?" Yusuke asked angrily. Eclipse blinked.

"Nothing!" she said cheerfully, walking back inside. The boy just stared cluelessly at where she had been until the slam of the door brought him back to the real world.

"Nothing?" He went back inside.

Meanwhile, in the forest, Hiei was alone again. Having been alone the majority of his life, it was no big deal. Right...?

"Dammit," he muttered, his hand on his belt, noticing his sword's absence. _I wasn't a thief for no reason. I'll just get it tonight. She'll never know._

In the mean time, he decided, he'd... Sleep? Wander around aimlessly? Spy on people? Pace around Tokyo terrorizing small children! No. Hm.

_'Are you BORED? BORED? HIEI JAGANSHI! You've become soft!'_ nagged a voice in the back of his head. Hiei glared at no one in particular.

_'Shut the hell up.'_

_'You're a bloodthirsty murderer, Hiei, remember? A thief! Not some civilized ningen fool, watching television and buying food from grocery stores, already prepared and ready to eat! Remember how you lived in Makai!'_

Hiei snorted. _'My life in Makai wasn't exactly great, you know. Wait... What the hell!'_ "I'm talking to myself!" he said aloud. "Find something to do!"

_'Kill something!'_

_'Shut up. I can't kill ningens.'_

_'Find a cat!'_

_'There are no cats in this forest, Mr. Voice. Shadow's made sure of that. Now kindly GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD!'_ Hiei darted off, like he could run from the little nagging voice.

_'You've become soft! Do I detect that you care about these people? About Shadow? Psh. Some heartless bastard you are.'_

"La la la," Hiei said, plugging his ears.

_'I'm inside your head, fool! You can't block me out!'_

_'Watch me.'_ "LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAA LA LA. I do not have voices in my head, I am not insane, and I haven't become as soft as you think! Who thinks? What! I'M TALKING TO MYSELF! Companionship for two years has tainted me! Ah!" He ran faster, until he found a suitable tree and started beating the shit out of it.

Back in Shadow's bedroom, she had somehow managed to tie herself up in a bundle with the comforter on her bed. Eclipse was trying to talk to her.

"Hey, you know, that was ages ago! Maybe Kurama was lying!"

"Uh-uh!" Shadow yelped.

"Well, but, maybe he, um... Maybe he thought you were like, in danger or something! I'm sure there's a valid excuse!"

"Uh-uh!"

"Shadow!"

"Uh-uh!"

"LISTEN TO ME!"

"**_POTATO!!!_**" Shadow yelled, flinging the blanket off her and throwing her arms wide, smiling and cheerful. "What were we talking about?"

Eclipse fell flat on her face, nearly breaking her nose. "YOU ARE SO STUPID!"

"Potato? Shoe? Um... Green!"

"No! No, no, no! Go--"

"FROG!" Shadow guessed confidently, like she was answering a question.

"Where? What? Hey, don't distract me, baka!"

"Kawaii kaeru desu ka."

"SHUT UP!"

"Iie!"

"You're so **_STUPID!!!_**"

"Um... Hai!"

Eclipse went stomping away. "Fine! You go ahead and talk about cute frogs! Just completely forget that Kurama was spying on you in the shower!"

_**"WHAT?!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"**_

Shadow's scream could have been heard at the center of the Earth, all the way on the other side of Earth, and if sound traveled in space, it could have been heard on Mars.

"HE DID **WHAT?!** WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? THAT'S IT, HE'S DEAD! WHERE IS HE? I'M KILLING HIM!" Shadow shouted, stomping down the hall and shoving Eclipse to the side unnecessarily. She stomped down the stairs, found Yusuke at the computer, and stomped over to him. "Were YOU spying on me in the shower TOO?"

"What?!?!" Yusuke yelped.

"YOU HEARD ME! AND IF YOU DIDN'T, **YOU'RE DEAF!!!**"

"I WASN'T SPYING ON YOU IN THE SHOWER! What do you mean 'too'?"

"Where the hell's Kurama then?" Shadow asked, ignoring Yusuke's question and walking away.

"_Kurama?_ KURAMA was spying on you in the shower?"

"That's what Eclipse said! Where is he?"

"He went home about five minutes ago when you were flipping out and shuddering and being horrified over some-- Oohhh... Eclipse was gonna kill him... That's why... Woah... Well, I assume he went home."

"Bye," Shadow said coldly, stomping up the stairs and returning two minutes later in her motorcycle leather. "He will die."

"Well, don't _kill_ him... He's kind of important, Shadow..."

"No he's not. Nobody who spies on me in the shower is." She went out the door and a second later her motorcycle sped away. Yusuke stared after her.

"Uh-oh."

Eclipse came up behind him. "Did she go to kill the fox?"

"Yup."

"Not good."

"Nope."

"You gonna do something?"

"My math paper."

"... Need help?"

"You couldn't help me."

"I'm in Trigonometry, Yusuke."

"_You?_"

"Yes. Me. What other person would I refer to as 'I'?"

"Dunno. Well... You wanna do my paper for me?"

"Didn't Kurama already do that?"

"...Sort of."

"Get typing."

"I don't wanna."

"Well I'll be sure to tell Keiko that when you flunk."

"Fine! Jeesh... You people. Evil, I tell you."

Eclipse grinned cheerfully at Yusuke's back as he headed back over to the computer.

"I'm probably gonna go off and have to restrain Shadow. Bye."

"Ja mata."

Eclipse went out the door. Yusuke plopped down in the cushioned office chair in front of Shadow's computer and started typing slowly. A few minutes later, Hiei walked through the room.

"Hey! Hiei! I thought Shadow banished you from the house!" he said, getting up and going after the little demon.

"She banished me from her sight. That means, as long as she's not around, I can be in the house. But I know that's not what she meant, so I'm just getting my sword and cloak, then I'm going into the forest and I'm going to pretend the past two years haven't happened."

"What?"

"To be honest, I've become soft," Hiei said, walking into his room and going to his closet. Yusuke stayed in the doorway.

"You? No, you're not soft, Hiei! You're just... more social now. You can still be a heartless bastard towards everyone else, you're just kind to a select few people."

"Hn. Ja mata." The little demon was out the window. Yusuke stared.

"Fine! Just LEAVE while I'm TALKING TO YOU!"

"Did you have anything of pressing urgency to tell me, or were you just procrastinating to keep from finishing your homework?" Hiei asked, back in the windowsill.

"I just think you haven't become soft. You're just acting how we all knew you would naturally, beneath that cold, hateful exterior. Know what I mean?"

Hiei snorted. "He's procrastinating," he muttered to himself before dropping to the ground. Yusuke glared at the open window and mocked Hiei in a snotty voice before walking away.

- - -

Shadow's five-minute memory span had come into effect before she'd reached Kurama's house, and all she remembered was that she was heading to Kurama's house. Why is it that her mind only malfunctions when it benefits or endangers somebody in some way?

She pulled up outside his house, got off her motorcycle, and headed up to the front door. Ringing the bell, she waited calmly for somebody to answer. Shiori, Kurama's mother, opened the door.

"Oh, hello, Shadow!" she said, smiling. "I haven't seen you in quite some time!"

"Hi, Okaasan," Shadow said, smiling widely. "Is K-- um... Shuuichi here?"

"He just got home a few minutes ago... Come on in, I think he's up in his room."

Shadow walked inside and looked around, her helmet under her arm.

"That's your motorcycle?" Shiori asked, looking out the window.

"Hai."

"Oh, dear. Those things are so dangerous..."

"I can handle it," Shadow replied. "I'm gonna go talk to Shuuichi."

"Okay, dear."

Shadow leapt up the stairs and went to Kurama's bedroom door, knocking sharply. Then she waited a second before the door opened a crack.

"Yes?"

"Hey, I forgot why I was coming here, but it was easier for me to come here than go back home, so I came here."

Kurama stared. "Are you serious?"

"Hai... Any reason you seem so startled?"

"No, no... How about we go register you for school now?"

"Oh yeah! Yusuke's bet! Let's go, then! What are you waiting for?" Shadow said excitedly, already at the top of the stairs, ready to go. Kurama sighed and followed her. Odd how she remembered _that_...

**- - -**

"Shuuichi!"

Kurama turned. Just outside the front office of his school, a girl came running up to him. He waited for her to reach him, trying to block Shadow slightly from view.

"Ayame... How are you?" he asked nervously.

"I'm good," she said, batting her eyelashes. "How are _you_, Shuuichi?"

_'I was better before I saw you,'_ he thought angrily, but smiled slightly and replied, "I'm well. What are you doing here?"

"I had a few things to do with the arrangements for the prom... Are you going?"

Shadow smirked, reading between the lines. "Is she hitting on you?" she asked in a very low voice. A very subtle nod answered as Kurama spoke to the girl again.

"I wasn't really planning on it."

"Really? You should go!" the girl said pleadingly. "It would be so much better with you there!"

"No it wouldn't," Shadow muttered to herself. "All the girls would want to leave their boyfriends for you..."

Kurama couldn't help but snort lightly at Shadow's comment, which drew Ayame's attention to the leather-clad girl behind him.

"Who's that?" she asked, peering past the redhead.

"Shadow," Kurama replied, stepping aside. The black-haired girl grinned at Ayame.

"Konnichi wa!" she said brightly. "Hajimemashite and all that junk!"

"Yeah..." the other girl replied in a more dismal tone.

"She's here to enroll," Kurama said. "She'll be starting at the beginning of the next year."

"Are you related?"

"Iie, Shadow's a friend."

"...She looks familiar."

"She was here around two years ago..."

"OH! You're _that_ Shadow! Isn't she your sister?"

"Iie... Ah... I don't really know how to explain it. It was nice talking to you, Ayame, but we really should get her enrolled." Kurama turned and pushed Shadow into the front office.

The secretary there smiled at him.

"Konnichi wa, Shuuichi-kun," she said. He smiled. "Can I help you?"

"Hai. My friend here needs to enroll for high school... She'll be starting next year... She was home schooled, but her parents have decided that it'd be best for her to go to public school for the rest of high school."

"They did?" Shadow seemed surprised by the news, and Kurama kicked her. The secretary didn't seem to notice.

"No problem! She'll need to take a few tests and fill out some papers, then we'll place her accordingly. Let's set up an appointment."

"Arigatou," Kurama said.

"Are you free this Saturday?" the secretary said, looking to Shadow from her computer. "Two thirty?"

"Yeah," Shadow said after a short pause in which she'd feigned thinking, like she actually might have had something else planned.

"Then you can come here, take the tests and do everything required to start school here next year. Okay?"

"Sure, okay."

"Oh, also, Isayama-san," Kurama said, "I have a friend who would like to apply for the new P.E. teacher next year. That position isn't already taken, is it?"

Shadow blinked. "Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?" she said, using his words from earlier. He grinned at her.

"Iie, it's still open. We haven't had many applications." The secretary looked past Kurama. "Is your friend _here_?"

"No, he was on vacation... He'll be back sometime this week, and I'll bring him here to apply."

"Okay."

"Arigatou, Isayama-san. Sayounara," Kurama said, turning and pulling Shadow out of the office by her arm.

"So how are you so sure that Hiei'll be back in less than a week from his 'vacation?'" Shadow asked.

"I'm not. But he'll apply anyway, you know."

"What? No he won't."

"Whatever..." Kurama said, shrugging. "I thought he loved you."

"He never said that, remember?"

"Right."

Kurama led her out to his car and they got in and drove off. Into the sunset. The end. :D

...What?

Did you think I wasn't serious?

If you did...

You're correct.

Smart child.

However, I think I'm done with this chapter, so... Ja mata.

* * *

Ja mata more or less means see you later. It's an informal goodbye, like you'd use with friends.It's probably the most commonly used Japanese term in this fic. Just so you know, I've got like, eight chapters written already, six or seven of them proofed, and this is now the only fic I'm working on, so it shouldn't take TOO long to finish... Perhaps... A MILLENIUM! Who am I kidding? I'm on chapter nine and I don't see the end anywhere in sight... It's still way over there. ::waves broadly at the horizon:: Sigh... What hole have I dug myself with this... A deep one, that's what...  
Wow I'm tired! ::falls asleep::

**WHY DOES IT TAKE OUT MY SPACES?! IT STEALS THE SPACES FROM BETWEEN THE WORDS! THERE WERE SPACES WHEN I UPLOADED THIS DAMN THING! IT KEEPS TAKING THEM OUT! RANDOMLY! AND WHAT THE HELL DOES IT NEED WITH SO MANY SPACES? OH, LOOK! _NOTHING!_** ::walks away muttering::


	2. I'M NOT A BUTTERFLY!

**(1-21-05)** Alrighy, kids! Let's see... Thank you for the reviews and the helpfulness and the all... I'm sure I would've eventually thought one upon my own, but I'd like to credit Yamashira de'Ryu with the title... The line is used more than once in the fic, as is to be expected (School DOES suck)... I can't believe I didn't think of it on my own... Stupid me! Oh well. Thanks!  
I dunno about you, but I'm pretty tired of the Fanfiction Dot Net **Spaces Faerie** taking the **spaces** from between my **words**...He has **no need** and **no motive**... Unless he's just a **kleptomaniac**... And they **aren't shiny**, either, so it's neitherShadow nor **Youko** stealing the spaces... Who'd want to steal **spaces?**They're just these **bland, boring, non-word gaps** between the **black lines** we form into what we call **letters,** which, in turn, form what we call **words**, which, in turn, form what we call **sentences**, then **paragraphs**, and it goes on from there... But the **spaces,** though **oh-so-bland and boring**, are **vital **for **proper comprehension** of these **black** shapes. **SO LEAVE THEM THERE, SPACES FAERIE!**

**NOW READ THE CHAPTER, DAMMIT! Lol. Hope it has all its spaces!**

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER TWO  
**I'M NOT A BUTTERFLY!

Hiei sighed. He'd demolished two perfectly fine maple trees before he'd realized that it was sad for violence to be his only form of entertainment. Of course, the voice had nagged and nagged at him for that... Now he was resting on the battered, charred remains of one of the maples he'd killed, his fingers interlocked behind his head as he stared up at the sky.

_I really have become soft. I've become used to the easy ningen life... I should move back to Makai for a couple months. See what Shadow thinks of **that**..._ he thought. _No, cuz she'd probably either come with me or succeed in convincing me to stay here. What a pain._

_No point in denying it any more, Hiei. Just go crawling back to Shadow in shame, tell her you've become a big softie and life in the tranquil ningen forest was too hard for you... Tell her you want to live in her house and you'll get a ningen job teaching ningen kids at a ningen school. Tell her you love her and you never want to leave her or anger her or anything like that, and that you'll stay with her through everything and even death won't do you part._

_SHUT THE HELL UP, VOICE! I might have become soft, but I'm not some loving companion, and I'm not about to make any commitments, especially not to somebody like Shadow._

(Ah, talking to voices in your head is fun. I do it all the time. What? No! They... Er... Okay! Time to run from the loony bin guys! Runnn!! THEY WANT TO KILL ME!)

_Why? What's wrong with Shadow?_

_Too much to list. Leave me alone. I don't want to talk to a nagging conscience, if that's what you are._

_You're mean, Hiei. You prefer the company of a girl to the company of your own mind._

Hiei blinked. _"Ah... That made little sense._

_You're wishing I was Shadow!_

_HELL NO! The last thing I need is SHADOW talking to me in my head!_

_Well she could, you know. She can use telepathy._

_How nice._

The voice decided to change the subject. _What are you going to do for the next few days, Hiei? You can't go back to Shadow and show her how weak you've become, and you decided that killing trees is stupid, so, what?_

_I'm going to carve you out of my head with a rusty spoon! Shut the hell up!_

Hiei got up and decided he'd leave the forest. He darted through the trees and was soon on a sidewalk not far from Shadow's house. He made a detour so he wouldn't have to go near it, and in the process, he ended up going through some of the _lower quality_ housing developments.

_Oh! Good idea!_ his voice said cheerfully as about ten thugs surrounded Hiei. _Beat the shit out of them!_

Hiei sighed.

"Hey, puny! What the hell are you doing on our turf?" one thug asked, pulling a knife.

"I suppose I'm waiting patiently for you to make the first move so I can beat the shit out of you and be on my way."

The thugs all laughed. "You couldn't--"

"Time's up," Hiei said. He leapt at the nearest one, punched him and sent him flying into the wall of a nearby house. In under two minutes, all ten of them were lying in the same vicinity. He brushed his hands together and dusted off his cloak.

"Two minutes of useful and oddly entertaining violence!" he said, smiling as he walked away.

He spent the rest of the day wandering aimlessly around Tokyo.

- - -

On Thursday, as Shadow had predicted, there were torrential downpours, and Hiei found himself in the shelter of a particularly large oak tree, which was stupid, because he knew lightning strikes tall things (on his own, he's never in danger of being hit by lightning, of course). However, he was sitting there reflecting on the past three days.

Monday: He'd been banished from Shadow's house. Argued with the voice.

Tuesday: Mauled trees. Argued with the voice. Wandered around Tokyo, pitted every thug and street gang in the city against him, and sat around using his Jagan to spy on randomly chosen people for about half an hour each. Nobody had succeeded in entertaining him much.

Wednesday: Slept until about two o'clock in the afternoon, butchered a fish in a stream he'd found in the forest around Shadow's house, and ate it charred horribly due to hunger from lack of food the previous day and his accidental overheating of the small fire he'd used to cook it.

Thursday: So far, sat under a tree and reflected on what he'd done Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

"This is boring," he sighed. "I could go out in the rain, but what's the point? There's nothing more exciting to do in the rain then there is in the small bit of shelter this tree provides..." He wrapped his cloak around him more tightly and huddled in a little ball. After a second, he cussed. "Screw it. This is stupid."

He stood up and walked away. Ten seconds later, the tree he'd been sitting under was struck by lightning and caught fire. He shouted a surprised curse and stared.

"Wow. That was close." Subduing the flames, he then continued on his way.

- - -

"I wonder how Hiei's faring in all this," Yusuke mused aloud, staring out the window.

"He's probably found himself a nice cave to camp out in," Kuwabara said.

"Maybe he didn't and he's soaking wet and freezing to death," Eclipse suggested casually.

"That's cruel," Kurama admonished. "You know if you really believed that you'd be more worried."

"No I wouldn't. Not for Hiei, at least. I'd be worried for Shadow, because when he recovered, he'd come after her with a large array of pain-causing instruments."

"You wouldn't be worried for Shadow, either, because Shadow would just seduce him and they'd have feral animal sex to make up for it," Yusuke said. Eclipse blanched.

"You're repulsive, Yusuke."

"Isn't he though...?" the fox said. They were all sitting around the room, staring out windows or staring at the TV screen, which had a picture but no sound (it was muted because Yusuke had said it was too loud and was hardly a reflection of his dismal mood, therefore if they didn't turn it down he'd beat them to death).

Shadow came down the stairs. Everyone looked at her for any sign of worry for their fire demon friend, but she showed none.

"Hey Kurama, Hiei's gonna be applying for that P.E. job after all," she said. They all looked at her.

"What do you mean?" the fox asked. A second later, the front door opened and in walked Hiei, soaking wet and covered in mud. Shadow went flying across the room and hugged him.

"I MISSED YOU, DAMMIT!"

Hiei stared over her shoulder at the other four, who were staring with wide eyes and just gave him a confused, simultaneous shrug.

"I suppose I missed you too," he said, "or else I wouldn't be here."

"Are you cold?"

"Not really... Just wet."

"Well that's nothing that can't be fixed," Shadow said, smiling. "I _knew_ you'd come back!"

"I was expecting a bit more grief from you," Hiei said. "You know, calling me a pansy and that."

"You're not a pansy! You're just... Social. And that's good, since anti-social people don't do very good in the teaching position..."

Hiei sighed. "Yes, fine, I'll apply at your stupid school."

Shadow squealed and hugged him again. "Arigatou!"

"Whatever," he said. He took off his sopping cloak. "What do you want me to do with this?" Shadow shrugged and took it from him.

"Something, I suppose." She wandered off absentmindedly and went into the basement, where, as well as having an infirmary and a pool table, she had her washer and dryer.

"So what did you do for two days?" Yusuke asked. "Kill stuff? Sleep? Eat? Cry over Shadow's sudden absence from your life? Train? Kill stuff?"

"None of your business, really," Hiei said, taking off his shirt and wringing it out. The water hit the hardwood floor and splashed everywhere. They were slightly surprised by his lack of concern for this.

"You know, you're causing a giant puddle of mud to accumulate around you," Kurama pointed out. Hiei shrugged.

"There's a mop somewhere in the house."

"Why are you being so pissy?" Kuwabara asked.

"I'm not being _pissy_, I'm being _me_," Hiei said. Kuwabara blinked.

"You're being 'you' from two years ago before Shadow existed..."

"So?"

"So **_LIGHTEN UP!!!_**" Eclipse shouted at the top of her lungs. There was a pause while everyone, even Eclipse, tried to rid themselves of the ringing in their ears before the girl continued, cheerful and more quietly. "You know? You're Hiei Jaganshi, social butterfly, not Hiei Jaganshi, social pit bull. Stop biting peoples' heads off."

"I'M NOT A BUTTERFLY!"

"See what I mean?" she said to Yusuke. He nodded. She turned her attention back to Hiei. "But Hiei, you'd make a wonderful butterfly!"

Hiei fixed her with narrowed, angry eyes. "I. **_Hate_**. Butterflies."

"Pity. They're such interesting little creatures. Maybe we'll get to catch them and pin 'em up by their perty little wings in biology next year." She said the last part with an evil, psychotic tone, a demonic glint in her eye as she grinned cruelly.

"Eh... Sure, whatever," Yusuke said, putting himself on the other side of Kurama to avoid the girl.

"I'm taking a shower and going to bed," Hiei announced. He took off his boots and walked away. They stared after him.

"Maybe he had an epiphaniphanee," Eclipse said.

"It's an _epiphany_, Eclipse, and I think he's just cold and tired," Kurama corrected. "He's changed since he met Shadow, he's not about to become the moody little guy we knew before in a matter of two days. He just hasn't seen enough of Shadow since he walked back in the door today. Now clean up that mess he made."

"Why should I?! You're his best friend!"

"That's exactly why I _shouldn't_," the fox answered, already walking away.

"I'm not cleaning that up," Eclipse told Yusuke. He snorted.

"You think I am?"

"No."

"Poker?"

"Sure!"

Those two walked off and left Kuwabara standing there by himself when Shadow came back up the stairs a second later with a mop and a bucket of water. She looked disapprovingly at the mess, then pressed the mop and bucket against the human's chest, glaring up at him.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Start cleaning!"

He took them, more from being startled than from obeying Shadow, and she walked away before he could think (she could have stood there anywhere from two minutes to two years and that would have been in the 'before he could think' range).

"Where'd Hiei go?" she asked, walking into the living room.

"He went to take a shower and go to bed," Kurama answered.

"Okay. So what are you guys doing?"

"Nothing."

"Hm. I'm gonna go upstairs and pester Hiei, then."

"But he's taking a shower..."

"Then I'll pester him when he gets _out_," Shadow said, heading up the stairs. "Baka!"

"Be nice, children!" Yusuke commanded. Shadow ignored him and vanished up the stairs. She went to Hiei's room and sat on his bed waiting for him.

A few minutes later, he came walking into his room wearing a pair of pants and no shirt. Shadow grinned.

"Hi!"

"Hn."

Shadow narrowed her eyes, her smile gone in a split second. "Don't you '_hn_' at me, young man!" Hiei blinked, then decided to antagonize her.

"You gonna stop me?"

"YES."

"Hn. That's a laugh."

"Yeah! _My_ laugh! I'll laugh as I look down at your still, mutilated, _hn_-less form at my feet!"

"Sure, whatever. You could never do that to me."

"WATCH ME!"

"Hn."

"I warned you once already, Hiei!"

"More like two or three times."

"Shut up!"

"Hn."

"THAT'S IT!"

Shadow lunged at Hiei, pinning him to the floor. She glared down at him and his ruby eyes stared up at her innocently. Of course, behind the innocent mask was the perfect face of an arrogant, antagonizing fire demon who was intentionally doing this to annoy her.

"Don't you give me puppy eyes! That only works so many times!"

"But... But..." Hiei protested pathetically. Shadow continued glaring. He continued looking sad and innocently scared. They continued staring for a few more minutes until Shadow finally sighed, sitting next to Hiei instead of on top of him, and pulled him into a hug.

"You and your stupid puppy eyes."

"Whatever works," Hiei said, smiling.

"Did you miss me?"

"Maybe a little."

Shadow looked hurt. "You heartless bastard!"

"Jeez... Go nuts. I was joking. I didn't miss you at all."

Shadow just clubbed him upside the head.

"Ow! Jeez! I was joking again! I missed you, okay! A lot! Don't hit me again!"

The girl slowly relaxed. "Good Hiei." He snorted.

"Right."

"So, anyway, Saturday I have to go take tests to be placed in school, since I was home schooled before now--"

"You were?"

"That's what fox boy said."

"Ah. Continue."

"So that's when you're gonna go apply for the job, okay?"

Hiei sighed heavily. "Sure, fine, whatever..."

"Yeah, it sure is fine weather," Shadow said, grinning. She got up. "Kurama said you intended on going to bed after your shower. I won't keep you. I've gotta go be a wench to Kuwabara and make sure he's mopping up the mess you made."

"That's what you're best at."

"What, being a wench?"

"Hai."

"Shut up, Hiei."

"Yes ma'am."

"Go to bed."

"Yes ma'am."

Shadow got up and left the room. Going downstairs, she found Kuwabara obediently mopping the floor.

"Hey! Maybe I should hire you as a maid!" she said, grinning. He looked at her, horrified. She laughed. "Yeah right! Like I'd pay you to do _anything_! I wouldn't pay you to save my life!" She walked away, shooting back at him, "Keep mopping!"

Well, Saturday came two days later, as it usually does after Thursday. At two o'clock, Kurama loaded the two fire demons into his car and headed towards the school.

"Remember what you've been told, Hiei," the redhead said, looking at his friend in the front passenger's seat.

"Yeah, yeah, I went to college, I know martial arts, but that's not what I'll be teaching the kids... All the time... Um--"

"No, Hiei. I really don't think Yamashita would approve of you teaching any martial arts to the kids at all ever."

"Well I wouldn't want them to know any. Then they'd be able to defend themselves when Shadow takes over the world... Of course she'd kick their asses, but the fact remains... She might get a bruise or something."

"That's right! Everything Hiei does will be in the best interest of me and my world domination plans!" Shadow said from the back seat. Kurama looked at her in the rearview mirror.

"Shadow, you're not using my high school as a base for your dictatorship..."

"Damn."

"So what else do you have to know, Hiei?" the fox asked, putting the conversation back on course.

"Um... I taught for a few years in a school in... another city... and it burnt down 'mysteriously' and any records of my existance went poof. So now I'm here and I've had other jobs and stuff, and I'm the most qualified person for the job. Right?"

"Good enough..." Kurama said. "You'll just have to fill out applications, and you know how to do that."

"Quick! When's your birthday?" Shadow asked.

"They don't have calendars in Makai!" Hiei snapped. "Not when you're a bandit child!"

"Bzzt! Wrong answer! October 31st is the correct answer," Shadow said. Hiei looked at her sideways.

"Whatever..."

They arrived at the school a short while later and the two were all set up with their tests and applications and whatnot else that they needed for their own respective purposes.

And they were there for quite some time.

... Yes...

Quite some time...

And Shadow still wasn't done with her tests...

Until finally...

Three hours later...

She FINALLY...

_Finally..._

**FI-NUH-LEE...**

Finished.

Hiei and Kurama were snoozing in the cushioned chairs in the office when she came back with the man who'd administered the test. She went over to them and poked them repeatedly until one or the other of them woke up.

"What time is it?" Kurama asked, looking around.

"About six," Shadow replied cheerfully.

"You mean to tell me I've been sleeping in this chair for the past three hours?" Hiei asked incredulously.

"Hai."

"No wonder my back hurts."

"I thought it was unhealthy to sleep sitting up..." Shadow said.

"It probably is... But you've slept standing up before so you're worse off than me. Can we go now?" The question was directed at anyone who could answer, since the administrator of Shadow's tests was also in the room, looking over the papers.

"Hai, go ahead. You'll receive your test results and schedule in the mail within a week," the man said, not even looking at them.

"Good. Let's go," Hiei said, leaving.

"I'm hungry," Shadow said randomly. Kurama sighed and steered her out the door behind Hiei.

"You guys are horrible," he said as they got in the car.

"What'd I do?" Shadow asked. "Hey! I wanna ride in the front seat!"

"No," Hiei said flatly, getting in.

"Kurama!!!" Shadow whined.

"Get in the back. We're gonna go get something to eat. You can ride in the front on the way back," he said. Then he got in the car, muttering, "God, she's like a little child..."

Hiei snorted. "She _is_ a little child."

"I heard that!" Shadow snapped.

- - -

Well, the next week on Thursday, a large envelope arrived from Mieou High. Shadow eagerly tore it open like an early Christmas present and pulled out the papers it enclosed.

"_'Dear Shadow Jaganshi, you will be pleased to know that you've been placed in advanced classes,'_" she read. Then she blinked. "Who the hell are they to tell me whether to be pleased or not? Maybe I wanna be in retard classes, like Yusuke!"

Hiei wandered into the room. "What about Yusuke?"

"Read this for me, I'm too lazy," the girl replied, holding the letter out to Hiei. He took it and looked it over.

"You're in advanced classes, your schedule and test results are enclosed, we wish you a good year at Mieou High. The end," he summarized. Shadow blinked, then grabbed the other papers that had been in the envelope.

"I scored extremely well in every subject!" she said cheerfully.

"_How_?" Hiei asked, looking at the papers over her shoulder. "Was the fox feeding you answers through telepathy?"

"I tried to get him to. He wouldn't. Then he fell asleep, and you were already asleep, so I had to do it all by myself. So I guess I'm just a FREAKIN' GENIUS!"

"Well... I've heard that the stupider a person acts, the smarter they are," Hiei said, shrugging. "It's hard to believe, but... I guess you might have a brain after all."

"THAT'S LIKE ADMITTING I'M GOD!" she shouted. "AFTER ALL YOU'VE INSULTED ME, YOU FINALLY ADMIT I HAVE A BRAIN! I FEEL VERY SPECIAL!"

"You shouldn't."

"I do!"

"But you shouldn't."

"Well I do. Don't spoil it."

"Right. Kudos and all that. Let me see your schedule."

She handed him another piece of paper and he looked at it. "Assuming I get hired, you'll be in my class last period... Good. At least I won't have to put up with you first thing in the morning..."

"Yes you will! You'll have to put up with me when we get up, _and_ on the way to school!"

"Oh, shut up."

"I don't wanna."

"Do it anyway."

Shadow glared. "Aren't you going to miss our quality time together?"

"It's not like we'll never see each other again," Hiei said. "You'll just be at school, learning, and I'll be at school, teaching. That is, assuming I get the job."

"You'll get the job, don't worry!"

"I'm not worried..."

"With a fake history like yours, there's no way you could _not_ get the job!"

"_Fake_ history," Hiei repeated, more to himself than Shadow, as the phone rang suddenly.

"Answer that," the girl ordered. "It's like, right next to you!"

_Ring._

"Actually, it's closer to you, Shadow."

_Ring._

"Well I have a fear of phones."

_Ring._

"It's probably Kurama. You've never been afraid-" _Ring._ "-to answer the phone before now."

_...Ring._

"Yes, well--"

Hiei snatched the phone off the reciever, glaring at Shadow. "Moshi moshi."

"Hiei Jaganshi?"

"Hai."

"This is Principal Yamashita from Mieou High. I'd like you to come back for an interview for the job you applied for at the school. How is next Tuesday?"

"Um, yeah, that's fine..."

"Noon?"

"Yeah, okay."

"I look forward to it."

"You probably don't, really, but I suppose saying that makes you feel better."

"What?"

"Nothing. I'll see you then. Sayounara." Hiei hung up before the man could respond. Shadow was grinning. He looked at her. "...What?"

"It _WAS_ for you, and you _ARE_ getting the job, aren't you?! Was I right or was I right? Oh yeah! Party!"

Hiei blinked as the girl started dancing. "Um... Not really, the guy just wants me to come back for a job interview next Tuesday..."

"Really? Way cool!"

"At noon."

"Way cool!"

"Shadow?"

"Way cool!"

Hiei paused. Shadow continued dancing.

"Way cool!"

"I didn't say--"

"Way cool!"

There was another pause. Hiei glared. Shadow just kept saying 'Way cool' at perfectly timed intervals while dancing like an idiot. Finally, Hiei shot in, "I hate you!"

"Way coo-- YOU DO?" Shadow flung herself to her knees at his feet, crying and sobbing and hugging his leg. "YOU HATE ME? WHAT AM I EVER GOING TO DO WITHOUT YOU? YOU CAN'T HATE ME! WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU? IF I WORSHIP YOU AND WAIT ON YOU HAND AND FOOT AND BRAIN AND DO EVERYTHING YOU ASK OR THINK OF ASKING, WILL YOU FORGIVE ME FOR MY HEINOUS CRIMES?"

"Perhaps..."

"WHAT IF I LIVE IN YOUR GARBAGE CAN FOR SIX MONTHS?"

"No, Shadow, that will not--"

"BE ENOUGH? IT WILL NOT BE ENOUGH? HOW'S A YEAR? TWO YEARS? THREE? FOUR? ETERNITY?" Shadow jumped up, angry suddenly. "YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME BE YOUR SEX SLAVE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE? FUCK YOU!" She flipped him off and spun around to come face-to-face with Kurama. "HOLY SHIT! IT'S A NEON MONKEY!" She cowered in fear.

"..." Kurama looked at Hiei, who shrugged.

"PMS?" he suggested. Shadow rounded on him and beat him to a pulp.

"YOU SICK, SICK LITTLE MAN!"

Kurama watched, his eye twitching. "That was uncalled for."

"NO IT WASN'T! HE DARED TO ACCUSE ME OF... OF... HE ACCUSED ME OF..."

"Yes, I heard him, Shadow."

"SHADOW? WHO'S THAT? MY NAME IS--"

**"STOP SHOUTING!!!"**

Shadow looked at him, puzzled. "No... That's not it. I was gonna say my name is _Ryu Hayabusa_! I am a super ninja! Watch me kick ass!" She struck a variety of poses, threw floppy discs like shuriken, and pulled out a bamboo sword from nowhere and started hitting Kurama in the head with it.

"Ow! Stoppit! Stop!" he yelped, trying to shelter himself with his arms.

"Don't cower from the inevitable! Your brain will be mine, monkey-boy!"

"I'm not a monkey! I'm a fox!"

"A FOX?" Shadow froze, then screamed in horror and hurriedly _walked _away, waving her hands and her bamboo sword above her head. "It's the apocolypse!"

Hiei pushed himself to his feet. "Hey, good news," he said, looking quite unexcited.

"What's that?"

"They're calling me back for an interview, isn't that good?"

"Hai..." Kurama said, still puzzling over Shadow's behavior. "What was that she was shouting about being a sex slave just before I came in here?"

"I don't know, she thought I hated her so she was pleading for forgiveness..."

"What would have made her think that?"

"I said I did."

"Oh. Makes sense."

"Just to test her. She was saying 'Way cool' to everything so I wondered if she'd say it to that, too. She started to."

"Interesting."

"Isn't it though?"

"No."

"No."

"I didn't think so."

"Me neither."

"Who's talking right now?"

"You are."

"Who am I?"

"I think you're Hiei, but I can't remember who started this conversa-- Nope, you're Kurama..."

"Ah. I thought so, but you can never be too sure..."

And that, as they say, is that. For this chapter.

(that last part was me getting confused and then writing my thoughts, and then it was like, oops. Oh well.)

* * *

Hm... I proofread this a week ago, so I don't remember if there were any notes I wanted to add here... I should stop doing that. Ah, and I know Hiei was majorly OOC (what with the talking to himself and being unable to revert back to his old self for a week to stay away from Shadow)... Don't complain about it, or I'll unleash my **wrath**. This is MY fic and while I'm writing it, I can toy around with his personality however I see fit! So I take advantage of that power! Fanfics are the one thing in which peoplealways bend to my will.::pause:: Sort of. ::mutters:: Damnthem forcing me to make this a romance... 


	3. A Magical Envelope!

**(1-29-05) Gasp! It's Saturday! I'm posting a day late! Yeah, well, I have excuses (I ranted them to a friend of mine in an email and it was a really long paragraph, so just know that I have an excuse). This chapter, in my opinion, isn't that great... It isn't very long, either... And I wrote it AGES ago, it seems... ::groan:: Like... November or something. I dunno. A long time.  
Thank you for reviewing. I feel kinda BLEH all of a sudden...

* * *

**

**CHAPTER THREE  
**A Magical Envelope

The first day of summer vacation came, finally, after what seemed like an eternity of final exams... Kurama could have slept through Biology classes every day for the past three years and still gotten a 100 on his final... Of course. He found the other exams only slightly challenging, but only because: 1) He'd missed a lot of school recently due to a mission Koenma had sent them on that had landed Kuwabara in the hospital (then again, kick him in the shin and that's where he'll end up, so that's not really saying much), and 2) Eclipse was sitting nearby through most of them, humming 'I Wish I Were An Oscar Meyer Wiener' or tapping her eraser or fidgeting with her hair or doing some other little annoying thing. Several times, Kurama sent her mental images of him beating the shit out of her. She just looked at him and grinned. That irked him worse.

Yusuke didn't have half as much fun or entertainment during his exams. He managed to pass math, though, with a C! Woohoo! Kuwabara... As I said.. Was in the hospital. Lucky him gets to make them up when he gets out... SUMMER SCHOOL!

In case you were wondering, Hiei's job interview had gone fairly well in the sense that he'd kept his temper in check, lied to the principal as an answer to nearly every question except "What is your name," and left with a strong feeling that he'd done well... If you look at the big picture, however, Hiei pissed off Yamashita so severely with his calm, easy responses to every question, that if he gets the job, it'll be pure luck. Purely because nobody else was as qualified as Hiei _said_ he was.

Recall that in my very first story that Hiei had gone to school. As a student. Yamashita remembered that, of course, and grilled Hiei on "WHAT THE HELL WAS THE DEAL WITH THAT?" and such. Having developed well to ningen ways in his two years living in their world, Hiei was a smooth liar and easily thought of excuses that were actually feasible... The strong feeling he'd had when he'd left, the feeling of having done well, was a feeling of pride at being able to answer all questions with believable ningen excuses, stay calm, _and_ piss off his interrogator all at once. What joy that can bring a person...

The first week of summer was uneventful...

So was the second week.

However, the first day of the third week, a magical envelope arrived in the mail. Yes. It was magical. It was from Mieou High. And it was to tell Hiei that he got the job.

"Aw, shit," he muttered, reading the letter, clearly disappointed he'd actually gotten it.

Later that day, Hiei was lying on the couch sleeping when the phone rang. Shadow came flying into the room and tackled it, wrestling it off the receiver and putting it to her ear.

"Moshi moshi?"

"This is Utemaro Yamashita, the principal of Mieou High. Is Hiei Jaganshi available?"

"Ah, Yamashita-sensei!"

Hiei, who had been in a half-sleep up to this point, nearly fell off the couch as he lunged for the phone, sure Shadow would say something she shouldn't. She managed to dodge his snatch, despite her being tangled up in the wires and lying on her side...

"Hai, Hiei is here. Are you calling to speak to him about the job at your school?"

"Give me the phone, Shadow!" Hiei snapped, grabbing it and sitting beside her to talk, since the cord wouldn't reach any further, being wrapped around her the way it was. "Hai?"

"Jaganshi, I was just calling to make sure you received the letter I sent you..."

"Hai, I just got that this morning."

"Congratulations."

"Yes, I can tell you're very happy for me. Was it because I was the only person who applied?"

"What? No, several people applied... I regret to admit that you seemed the most qualified individual for the job... Even though I'm still trying to figure out how the hell you were a student there two years ago."

"Thank you for your call, Mr. Yamashita, I look forward to teaching at your school," Hiei said sarcastically, ignoring the last thing the man had said. Then he hung up. "Shadow... Why the hell did you tackle the phone?"

"It was being loud and waking you up. I had to hurry to get to it."

"You were upstairs, weren't you?"

"Hai."

"There's a phone upstairs, isn't there?"

"Hai."

"Why didn't you answer that one?"

"Because that one wasn't the one that was gonna wake you up!"

"If you had answered the one upstairs, the one down here would have stopped too."

Shadow's brow furrowed, and she looked around, trying to think. Finally, she said thoughtfully, "But... It turned out for the better that I came down here... 'Cause... It was for you anyways... Right?"

"Yes, I suppose so. Though if the phone hadn't woken me up, you sure would have."

"I'm sorry!" she wailed, throwing her arms wide to hug him.

"DON'T HUG ME!" he yelped quickly, scurrying away and climbing back up onto the couch. She narrowed her eyes.

"Fine. Be that way." She wildly flung her arms around trying to get the wires off her and, in her annoyance, ended up just tying herself up like a cocoon. Hiei chuckled.

"Help?" she asked pathetically, giving him the wide-eyed innocent child stare.

"Why should I?" he asked, grinning. She looked horrified. "I think I'm gonna go fix myself a sandwich... You can just wait a bit."

"BUT _WHY?_" she wailed as he walked away.

"Because--"

"I WORRY ABOUT YOUR WELL-BEING AND YOU WON'T EVEN HELP ME GET UNTANGLED FROM THIS?"

"You got yourself into it, you--"

"CAN'T GET MYSELF OUT!"

"I'll be back in about half an hour," he said over his shoulder, grinning to himself.

"HALF AN HOUR? IT TAKES LIKE, FIVE MINUTES TO MAKE A SANDWICH!"

"Well yeah, then I'm gonna eat it, and after that I think I'll call Kurama..."

"BUT I'M TANGLED UP IN THE PHONE CORD!"

"There's more than one phone in the house..."

"HI-_EI_!!!" she whined. The phone rang suddenly in her ear and she screamed bloody murder. "I CAN'T ANSWER IT!"

With a sigh, the little fire demon walked back into the room and answered the phone. "Moshi moshi."

"Hiei, I-- What's wrong with Shadow now?"

It was Kurama, and Shadow was wailing like a wounded animal, which was what prompted him to ask.

"She's tangled up in the phone cord and I won't help her. Why'd you call?"

"Well, I was actually wanting to talk to Shadow about her schedule."

"Well... She's kind of... Occupied. But anyway, just a short while ago, Yamashita called."

"Really? Did you get the job?"

"Yes."

It was hard to tell what Kurama's reaction was, because Shadow suddenly screamed at the top of her lungs, causing both demons to wince.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Hiei shouted, covering up the receiver.

"IT'S...IT'S... FROM _HELL_!"

She was looking in a horrified sort of way at a tiny little beetle sitting on the floor next to her head.

"What's wrong with her now?!" Kurama asked angrily.

"A beetle." Hiei flicked the bug away and she sighed with relief.

"Doumo arigatou go-za-i-MASU!"

"Shut up, Shadow," Hiei said. "If you make another noise before I hang up this phone, I'll pull your vocal chords out."

The girl instantly shut her mouth and got a rusty halo above her head. It glowed faintly with a pulsing light.

"Yeah... Right. What were you saying, Kurama?"

"Congratulations on getting the job."

"Right, I suppose saying 'thanks' would be appropriate, but I don't feel like playing polite right now."

"Of course. I was going to come over in a bit to talk to Shadow, but it seems she's having some issues today, so I'll be staying home."

"Okay. I have to deal with this girl, so..."

"Yes, of course. Ja mata ne." Kurama hung up. Hiei did the same and sat on the floor looking at Shadow for a few minutes.

"You can talk now."

"I'M SO SORRY!!!" she wailed. "I DIDN'T MEAN TO ANGER YOUR ROYALTYNESS! I WOULD BOW AND KISS YOUR SHOES BUT I CAN'T MOVE! I'll settle for crying until you forgive me."

And she did just that, wailing and bawling and crying until Hiei finally pitied her and untied the cords. Then she continued wailing and bawling and crying until he got pissed and wished he hadn't.

"SHUT THE HELL UP! You're sorry, I get it, I forgive you, and if you keep crying I'll gouge out your eyes!"

"Sorry sir."

"You better be."

"I am. Honestly."

"Right."

"Yes. Right."

"I don't believe you."

"You should."

"Why?"

"Because I'm honestly sorry for once."

"No you aren't. Such an emotion isn't quite capable of registering with you."

"But I'm sorry!"

"No you aren't."

Shadow paused. "Do you need a hug?"

"No!"

"Yes you do." She hugged him and he struggled to get out of her lung-constricting hold.

"Shadow! Oxygen is essential!"

"What?"

"**I CAN'T BREATHE!**"

Shadow yelped and let go of him. "I'm doing everything wrong today, aren't I?"

"Yes. You are."

"If I go seal myself in my room, my wrongness can't effect you, can it?"

"That'd probably turn out of be wrong in the end because I'd end up being in serious need of your help and you couldn't leave your room, and I'd die." Hiei said the last part sarcastically, but Shadow didn't pick up on that. She looked horrified.

"I can't leave your side, then!"

"Yes, you can..."

"No I can't!"

"Yeah you can."

"No! Cuz you'll die!"

"No I won't!"

"But you said..."

"I lied!"

"YOU LIED? The mighty and holy God Hiei Jaganshi _LIED?_ IT'S UNTHINKABLE!"

"SHADOW! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Yes ma'am."

"Rephrase that or I'll hurt you."

"Yes, Your Royal Highness Sir!" Shadow said, bowing.

"That's better." Hiei got up and walked away.

The rest of the day passed as this much had... Stupidly.

However, later that week, Hiei received something in the mail from the school. He cursed when Shadow came running into his room.

"You've got mail!"

"Okay, Miss AOL..." he said, rolling over onto his side and pulling a pillow over his head. It was two in the afternoon, but he had nothing better to do, so he was lying on his bed doing... nothing.

"Miss AOL...? Anyway, it's from Yamashita or Mieou High or something. Aren't you just so happy you really exist now? You get mail and people send you stuff!"

"People sending me stuff and me getting mail are one in the same, fool," Hiei muttered, giving up on sleep and walking over to her to snatch the envelope. "And no, I'm not 'just so happy' I really exist in your stupid ningen files, _because_ people send me stuff. I don't want their stupid letters..."

"Well aren't you in a good mood today?"

Hiei ignored her and read the paper in the envelope. "Dammit. If I'm gonna be bombarded by mail from this stupid school and that stupid Yamashita guy now, I'm gonna burn all your stupid ningen files... Stupid ningens..."

"What's it say?"

"It 'strongly suggests' I attend this stupid nightly meeting for a whole stupid month for teachers... To get taught... Stupid ningens. You're weird." He flung the paper up in the air and went back to his bed.

"I'm not a ningen! And it's not my fault stupid teachers don't know what they're doing and have to go to classes because they're stupid and they don't know what they're doing!" Shadow retorted angrily. She snatched up the paper and read it. "It's supposed to teach you new techniques for teaching... Maybe you should go, being as you've never taught so all techniques are new to you."

"Shut up."

"I'll call Kurama."

"Why?"

"If you don't go!"

"Oh, so now you're forcing me to go to some class just so I can teach?"

"It'd be for the best!"

Hiei growled and grabbed the paper again. "It's some college class!"

"For teachers! Old teachers, new teachers, gold teachers, blue teachers!"

"I highly doubt there's any gold or blue teachers."

"...You sure?"

"Yes, Shadow. Now leave. I'll consider this stupid ningen class... Stupid ningens... Stupid class. Stupid _Shadow_."

"Hey!"

"Git!"

"You're mean to me!"

"I try."

"I bet you don't even have to try!"

"Go away!"

"No! You called me stupid!"

"Like I've never done _that_ before. Get out of my room!"

"Fine!" Shadow stomped over to the doorway and stood just outside his room. "HAPPY?"

"Yes!" He slammed the door in her face. "I'm going to bed!"

"But it's two in the afternoon!"

"I don't care!"

Shadow heard the lock on his door click, then several more clicks as he locked the other five he'd added on his own.

"Fine... Bitchy little fire demon."

"I HEARD THAT!"

"Eek!" She ran away, fell down the stairs, and went to the nearest phone to call Kurama. Yes, she is determined to make Hiei suffer through this class...

**The beginning of the next month...**

"You'll be late, Hiei."

"Shut up, Shadow."

"What? It starts at six thirty."

"It's only six o'clock!"

"Yeah. And you're going by car. Get dressed."

"I _am_ dressed."

"You're wearing that?!"

"What do you _expect_ me to wear?"

"I don't know, but not a raggedy old t-shirt!"

"It's not raggedy!"

"Whatever... People will think you're odd and disrespectful."

"I **am** odd and disrespectful!"

"Okay... Well then, let's go."

"Must I?"

"Yes! We called that number and said you're going! You need to learn about teaching!"

Hiei sighed and got up, following Shadow down the stairs where they met up with Kurama. The redhead just smiled at Hiei's glare.

"Come on, Hiei."

"Stupid children."

"Yes, you'll be teaching stupid children in two months."

"Two months?! Oh, god, it seems like such a short time all of a sudden..."

Kurama grinned, leading Hiei out to the car. "It won't be as bad as you seem to think, Hiei..."

"Yes it will..."

"Well with _that_ attitude, yes, it will. Lighten up, Hiei."

"Don't tell me to lighten up, fox!"

"LIGHTEN UP!"

"Start driving before I beat your face in so bad--"

"Yeah, yeah, I get the picture." Kurama hit the gas and shot down the street a bit faster than speed limit.

They arrived at the school early. Hiei sat there for a second before glaring at Kurama. "This stupid thing is over at eight. If you are not here I am _walking_. Okay?"

"How has Shadow been treating you lately?" the fox asked abruptly.

"What?"

"You've been acting rather moody the past couple weeks, Hiei. Is Shadow being a bitch?"

"Shadow's being Shadow..."

"Well then what the hell's wrong with you?!"

Hiei rolled his eyes and said sarcastically, "We're having children."

"What?"

"No, stupid fox!" Hiei got out of the car. "I'm going to my stupid class, okay? Want me to be a cheerful, cooperative, social butterfly type? Fine! I'll walk around smiling all the time and I'll be nice to everyone!"

"No, that's--"

But Hiei had already walked up to some complete stranger that was also headed into the building and cheerfully engaged him in small talk. Kurama stared in horror for a second before letting his head drop and hit off the steering wheel.

"Ow! Shit..."

He watched Hiei vanish into the school, and though the little demon seemed innocent and peaceful enough at the moment, Kurama didn't miss the evil glare he shot back at him before the door closed.

Hiei walked down the unoccupied halls of the school, re-acquainting himself with it while still managing to keep some kind of conversation going with the man he was trailing behind.

"Are you new?" the man said.

"Hai."

"What subject?"

"Phys. ed."

"Ah. I'm the new social studies teacher. I used to teach here a couple years ago."

"How extremely interesting! Here we are," Hiei said, turning into a classroom. He instantly seated himself in the back corner by the window, away from everyone, and put his head down on his arms on the desk. When the teacher came in a few minutes later, she greeted everyone cheerfully and Hiei knew he'd been forced into Hell.

"Konban wa! Minna-san wa o-genki desu ka."

Hiei hadn't looked up and had no idea what this lady looked like, but somehow her image was in his head and he was killing her brutally.

There was a good-natured echo through the room in reply to her, much louder and more comprehensible, of course, than teenagers' typical replies of, "Uhn..."

"Okay! You are all here, I assume, because you hope to make the learning experience more fun and effective for your students! Well I'm here to teach you how in a fun, effective way!"

Hiei raised his hand. She looked at him.

"Yes?"

"Have you considered teaching kindergarten?"

"Well actually, I used to. Why?"

"I thought so. Never mind, do continue. I'm here to be enlightened to your _fun and_ _effective_ teaching techniques..." _Though I really can't see when the hell I'll ever use them._

"Of course. Now..."

And Hiei proceeded to zone out and eventually ended up accidentally snapping his pencil in half with a loud crack. Everybody looked at him and he held up the broken halves of the pencil, shrugging innocently. Then he looked at the clock. And discovered he was going to be suffering for another forty-five minutes.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

He absentmindedly hit the eraser of his broken pencil against the desk for the next fifteen minutes, until he realized he was and dropped it. For the last half hour, he made an effort to listen... Something about book work boring kids, kids like colors, don't use a monotone, stuff and whatever and finally the class was dismissed.

"Sayounara!"

Despite being farthest from the door, Hiei was the first one to leave the room. He went down the hall and out the front doors, his eyes scanning for Kurama's car. Instead, he recognized Yusuke's car, the one the boy had managed to get ahold of _somehow_ after somehow passing his driver's test.

Hiei started walking home.

"Hiei!" came Yusuke's voice. "Oh Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!" His car pulled up near Hiei and slowed down to his walking pace. "Hey! I'm here! Hello?"

"I'm not riding with you. Not the way you drive."

Yusuke sighed and parked a few feet ahead of Hiei, and just as the little demon passed the car, he flung open the door, lunged out, and tackled him.

"Holy shit!" Hiei shouted, rolling across the ground. Several of the teachers who'd been in his 'class' were drawn to the shout and came running to help, only to find the little demon pinned to the ground by a boy not a whole lot bigger than him, both of them arguing.

"I didn't come all the way here to _not_ pick you up!"

"Well that's not my problem! I didn't ask you to! Where's the fox?"

"He had to go home! So he told me I could come if I wanted to instead!"

"Well I'll walk, thank you! I've nearly died countless times in more interesting ways than a _car wreck!_"

"I'M NOT GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"Yes you are! You'll wreck and I'll die! But you'll live, because that's the way the world works!"

"What?"

"Your windshield will shatter and I'll get a big dagger of glass driven into my chest! All the glass will go towards me, and you'll come out no worse for the wear or whatever the hell your stupid expression is!"

By now, at least ten teachers were gathered around, staring in a baffled sort of way as Hiei, who was, as far as they knew, an experienced school teacher, struggled against and was repeatedly subdued by a sixteen-year-old boy. He eventually stopped and glared at Yusuke.

"Let go of me right now."

"Get in the car, then."

"I **CAN'T** if you're _SITTING ON ME_!" He blinked suddenly, a startled expression on his face, and looked to his left, where all the teachers were gathered. Yusuke looked too, and for a second, both he and Hiei had the same startled, horrified expression on their faces before Yusuke gave an innocent smile and Hiei got angry again.

"Let me up, you fool! You have no idea how wrong this looks!" he snapped. Yusuke got up, giving an innocent smile to the teachers.

"Sorry about that, he's a friend of mine," he said, scratching the back of his head. Hiei started walking back down the street, but he'd only gotten one step when Yusuke caught his arm and hissed, "Get in the _car_!"

"No!"

"Don't make a scene, Hiei. Get in the car!"

Hiei stood there for a second before angrily walking around to the passenger's side of Yusuke's car and nearly pulling off the door in his annoyance. The boy waited until the door had closed before he got in the car on his own and started it up.

"I feel like I'm being kidnapped," Hiei muttered.

"By me? I would never. What use would I have for you, anyway?"

"I dunno, you could charge Shadow ransom."

"Good idea." Yusuke leaned out the window as he pulled away and said, "Have a nice night, everyone!" to the small crowd of spectators.

"She wouldn't pay you, though," Hiei said, continuing their conversation.

"Sure she would. Fasten your seatbelt."

"No, she'd just find you and beat the living shit out of you. That is, if I didn't first."

"You wouldn't be able to. You'd be all chained up and warded and hanging upside down over a tank of hungry killer whales."

"Killer whales don't eat people."

"Yes they do! They're _killer_ whales, aren't they?"

"Never mind," Hiei said, a slight green tinting his skin as Yusuke got onto a more busy road.

"So how was your class?"

"Dunno. Didn't pay attention," Hiei answered shortly.

"That's the way to do it!" Yusuke commended, smiling at Hiei.

"WATCH THE ROAD, FOOL!"

"What?!" Yusuke said, looking back just in time to notice a cat streak across in front of him. He swerved and hit the brakes at the same time and Hiei shouted at him and he shouted back at Hiei and somehow the car managed to continue going in the same direction it had been, safely running a red light which a cop was stopped at. Sirens screamed.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID!"

"I DIDN'T DO IT!"

"SPEED UP!"

"I CAN'T OUTRUN THEM IN THIS!"

Hiei groaned. "If I open the door and fling myself out in front of this semi, d'you figure I'll survive?"

"No."

"Okay."

"You aren't gonna do it, are you?!"

"Can I ride on the roof?"

"I HAVE COPS CHASING ME! **NO** YOU CAN'T RIDE ON THE ROOF!"

"I wouldn't want to anyway, I'd end up sprawled in a bloody mess on some sidewalk and get rushed to your stupid ningen hospital... Only Shadow's stupid enough to ride on the roof of a car when you're driving it."

"I would. But I can't drive and ride on the roof at the same time."

"I wouldn't think you could."

Eventually, Yusuke got a ticket, cussed a lot because of it, and drove _very slowly_ the rest of the way to Shadow's house (which wasn't very far).

Hiei's days passed like this for the rest of that month. Of course, after about the third time of trying to wrestle off Yusuke, another teacher intervened and there had been a huge argument and Hiei ended up having to be restrained yet again, this time to keep from killing the teacher... That guy will never intervene in Hiei's business again...

The class, as it turned out, eventually got bad enough to poor Hiei that he gratefully got in the car with Yusuke and told him that if he didn't drive fast, he'd kill him... On occasion, Kurama or even Shadow or Eclipse came to pick him up, but for some odd reason, it was usually Yusuke. The teacher should have continued teaching kindergarten, but Hiei seemed to be the only one of some twenty or thirty people in the class that realized this.

Finally, the month came to an end, and Hiei was so happy, he wasn't even mad when Shadow showed him a picture she'd doctored on the computer, which she'd titled "Hiei the MSN Butterfly" (go on, imagine it, kids).

There was one more 'adventure' in store before school started, and the topic was somehow brought up one day during another marvelous losing streak of Shadow Jaganshi during a game of poker. It went something like this:

"You lose any more and you're gonna have to start giving up your clothes."

I assume you now realize her opponent was Youko.

"These? You can have these rags, I need new clothes anyway. Though I can't see that you'd have any use for female clothes about ten sizes too small for you..." She looked at her clothes. "Look at this! There's a hole... and a stain... and a rip, and the string and elastic and thread and whatnot and it's all starting to come apart!"

"So buy new clothes..." Hiei suggested dryly. Shadow looked at him, an awed smile on her face.

"You are a GENIUS, Hiei!"

"..... I am?"

"We're going clothes shopping!"

"We?" he repeated nervously.

"You need some new clothes for school, too!"

"What?! No I don't, Shadow, and I'm not going shopping! _You_ have a uniform. I don't."

"I don't care about their stupid uniforms! I'll wear what I want to wear, and they can't stop me! They can just stuff their uniforms up their asses!"

"Detention every day after school for that, Shuuichi says," Youko told her. She shrugged.

"They can shove that up their asses too. We're going shopping tomorrow, Hiei! Call Eclipse and tell her."

"Me? Why me?"

"BECAUSE I TOLD YOU TO, DAMMIT! I'M BUSY LOSING A LOT OF MONEY I'LL NEED FOR CLOTHES SHOPPING HERE!"

Hiei picked himself up off the floor, where he'd ended up, of course, after her outburst, and went sulking upstairs.

"I could give you a reprieve," Youko said, grinning. "Or make a trade, you know? You need the money, so instead of paying me in cash and shiny things, you could... You know... Pay me in another way."

Shadow narrowed her eyes. "I'm not fucking you."

He sighed, looking dejected. "You don't know what you're missing."

"I have some idea, fox, and I'm not going into detail."

"You'll regret it one day."

"What, not having sex with you?"

"Yes."

"Youko, you're sick."

"No, I'm actually quite healthy, thank you."

"That's not what I meant. I meant that you're a pervert."

"I know what you meant."

"What've you got?" she asked. He smirked and put his cards on the table.

"Royal flush."

"You cheated."

"No I didn't!"

"Nobody gets that without cheating!"

"What do _you_ have?"

Shadow pouted and flung her cards down on the table. "Two pair."

Youko chuckled.

"Don't laugh at me, cheater!"

"I didn't cheat!" he laughed. Shadow narrowed her eyes and he just kept laughing.

"You get so mad over nothing," he said.

"Shutup! I don't get mad at anyone but you! What does that say?"

"That you compare yourself to me, and when I show you up, it makes you mad."

"COMPARE MYSELF TO YOU? Yeah right! I'm a thousand times better! There IS no comparison!"

"If you say so."

"Why would you constantly try to seduce me if I'm not as good as or better than you?"

"Because you're pretty and it's been over seventeen years since I even had a chance to get a pretty girl in bed with me. Thank you very much to Shuuichi."

"You're sick! Just because I'm pretty? You know what you are? You're a pig! A typical _male_... Don't care about personality or anything, it's just, 'Oh, she's pretty, I wanna fuck her!' Well that's just sexist. You are a sexist pig."

"Okay, enough lectures," Youko sighed. "You've got other qualities that are attractive. Happy now?"

"Not quite."

"Fine. You're nice, you're smart, you're strong... And... Do I have to continue?"

"No, I guess that's enough to placate me for the moment, even if you didn't mean it all. You are forgiven at the moment for being a sexist pig, Youko."

"Thank you... I suppose you want me to take a rain check on all this poker debt, too, so you can do your clothes shopping?"

"If you would be so kind."

Youko sighed. "Fine."

"Thank you!" She hugged him. "Oh wait, I hate you. Sorry." She grinned to show she was joking, then headed towards the stairs. "I have a feeling Hiei didn't call Eclipse like I asked, so I'm gonna go make sure."

"Whatever."

* * *

**Did it suck? I think it sucks.  
-Shadow Jaganshi-**


	4. You Will Shop

**(2-11-05)** Man, I told you I'd be late on this update, but I failed for foresee that I'd have the FLU! Therefore, you get an update that's a week later than my typical Friday updates (that only lasted like, two weeks...). Maybe if I have time to proof the next chapter over the weekend, I'll post that soon so you can't be mad at me.  
Anyways, the normal blah: Thanks for reviewing, I forget everything that happens in this chapter so I can't comment on it, the end.  
This chapter is 20 pages long, by the way.  
**(REPOSTED 2-15-05) Argh! I couldn't stand it, looking at the chapter with so much missing punctuation** (thank you, fanfiction dot net punctuation faerie)**, so I'm reposting it! It's the exact same chapter, only hopefully now it'll have all it's damned exclamation and question marks.**

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER FOUR  
**You Will Shop, or I Will Kill You.

"Are you not excited, Hiei?" Shadow asked, sitting at the foot of his bed facing him.

"No." He rolled over.

"Get up. We're going shopping."

"No."

"Yes! You can replenish your never-ending supply of black pants and blue tank tops!"

Hiei curled up in a tight ball and pulled his pillow over his head.

"Lemme alone."

Shadow glared and crawled up closer so she could snatch away the pillow. Then she pinned him to the bed and glared down at him.

"Hiei, either you go and buy your black pants and shirts, or we'll go and buy you pink, and you'll wear it."

"No I won't."

"YES YOU WILL."

"Shadow! Shopping is not something I enjoy. As a matter of fact, _I don't shop._ At all. Ever. Leave me the hell alone. Give me my damned pillow."

"You can do without it."

"Fine!" He made an attempt to get comfortable, but it was hard when Shadow was straddling him and he couldn't move.

"Get up. Get dressed. Eat breakfast. Get in Eclipse's car. Go shopping. You will shop, or I will kill you."

Hiei glared. Shadow glared. They both glared. At each other. For a while.

"Hey lovebirds! You coming or not!" Eclipse asked suddenly, bursting into the room. Shadow jumped and fell off the bed, taking Hiei with her.

"Lovebirds!" Hiei yelled, untangling himself from his sheets and from Shadow. "Lovebirds my shoe."

"I'm forcing you into this for your own good!" Shadow snapped, pushing him out into the hall.

"Shadow!" he whined.

"No complaining."

And off to the mall he was dragged.

"Okay, where shall we go first?" Shadow asked, looking around.

"I know!" Eclipse said excitedly.

"How about home?" Hiei asked miserably.

"No. Come with me."

Eclipse dragged them off to Hot Topic. Dunno if there's Hot Topics in Japan, but if there isn't... Oh well.

"Wow. This store is really... freaking... cool..." Shadow said. Yes... A lot of money was blown in Hot Topic. Even Hiei found a few things of interest... Muwahaha. (Ever been to Hot Topic? I love that store.)

"So... Now we go buy slightly less threatening-looking stuff!" Shadow said cheerfully. She strolled through the mall, carrying her bag, looking dreadfully happy. Eclipse walked next to her, and Hiei trailed behind, looking tormented.

"Hey Eclipse!"

Their attention was drawn to the direction of the girl who'd shouted. Shadow and Eclipse stopped, and Hiei caught up to them and stood next to Shadow. The shouter hurried over.

"Why weren't you at soccer practice yesterday?" the girl asked.

"We had practice?"

"You play soccer!"

Everybody looked at each other in a puzzled sort of way, Eclipse confused as to why Shadow and Hiei didn't know she played soccer, Shadow and Hiei confused that Eclipse played soccer, and the girl looked at the fire demons confused because she didn't know who they were.

"Um... Yes, I play soccer, I'm the team's M.V.P."

"Majorly Vile Participant?" Shadow asked curiously.

"No, fool, most valuable player! You coached soccer at one point, didn't you?" Hiei snapped.

"Um... If I did, it wasn't for very long and it doesn't stick in my mind."

"Prison? Community service? Ring a bell?"

"Who are these people?" the girl asked Eclipse quietly.

"That's Shadow, she's gonna be starting at our high school again this year, and that's Hiei, or soon to be Jaganshi-sensei... He's gonna be our new P.E. teacher," Eclipse answered.

"Really? That shrimpy little guy?"

Hiei, who had been arguing with Shadow, stopped mid-sentence when he heard 'shrimpy.' He walked around Shadow and stood in front of the girl.

"Shrimpy?"

"Well... No offense, but you're like, six inches shorter than me..."

"Don't make fun of his height. Only a select few people are allowed to do that," Shadow said. Then she added as an afterthought, "I'm not one of them. He might hurt me."

"So... You're gonna be our gym teacher?"

"Unfortunately for you," Hiei retorted. Shadow kicked him in the leg. "Ow!"

"The only people it's unfortunate for is trouble makers," Shadow said, nodding. "And me. And Eclipse. And Shuuichi. But nobody else."

"Minamino Shuuichi? Why is it unfortunate for him!"

"Because... It just is," Eclipse said. "We really must get shopping, if we give Hiei any more time to think about it, he might bolt. When's our next practice?"

"Tomorrow. Ten o'clock."

"Kay. See ya then, then," Eclipse said. She steered Hiei and Shadow to the nearest clothes store.

"You play soccer?" Shadow asked as soon as they were inside.

"Yes, Shadow, I play soccer, and I have played soccer since I was like, seven. I'm the best player on the team. Now, let's shop!"

"Yay for shopping!"

"I hate shopping," Hiei muttered. "Can't I just sit outside?"

"It's too hot to sit outside, and besides, we need you here to try on clothes. I'm not wasting money on clothes that don't fit you," Shadow said.

"How about you don't waste money on clothes that fit me, either!" Hiei suggested.

"No! You're getting new clothes! I don't think I've seen you get any new outfits at all in the past two years. So you're getting NEW CLOTHES. Problem?"

"Yes."

"I didn't think so. Glad you're so eagerly cooperating."

"Oooooh!" came Eclipse's squeal. Clothes shopping yet again commenced...

Finally, when they finished and all three had more bags than they could carry, Hiei was thoroughly traumatized, every store in the mall had a large dent in its supply black and blue clothes, and Shadow had no money left, they stuffed all their purchases in Eclipse's car and headed back to Shadow's house.

Kurama met them on the porch, smiling at the look of joy on Shadow's face, then nearly bursting into fits of laughter at the look on Hiei's face.

"Was it really that bad!" he asked, holding back his laughter and trying to keep a straight face.

"Yes!" Hiei snapped. "Not only did they insist on going to every freaking store in that stupid mall, they also decided they wanted to drag me through the _underwear_ department, and the _make-up_ department, and the... the... I don't even know what! But it was the most horrible experience of my entire life!"

"Hey, you got new clothes, though."

"I don't care!" he whined. He dropped all the bags he was carrying onto the floor and instantly went sulking up to his room.

"Where's _he_ going?" Shadow asked.

"To his room. I can't believe you dragged him through the _underwear_ department..."

"I needed his input."

"On underwear?"

"Yes. And bras." She then did a little scenario, changing her voice and doing motions and whatnot all. "'Hiei, do you think this bra is too slutty?' 'I don't know! I don't care! It's not like _I'll_ ever see it on you.' 'Would you _like to?_' And he just stood there kinda moving his mouth and making little incoherent squeaks. It was cute."

"I'll tell him you said that."

"You don't need to. **I** did."

"And how'd he respond to that?"

"He said 'Shut up!' all angry-like. I think it made him mad. Or embarrassed."

"Ah."

"Then he tried to go stomping away but I dragged him back."

"Well it sounds like you guys had fun."

"Me and Eclipse did, Hiei didn't... After we left Hot Topic, that is... He liked Hot Topic..."

"He would," Kurama muttered.

"Dark evil stuff."

"Yeah, that..."

"Stuff."

"Yeah."

"That's dark."

"Uh-huh."

"And evil."

"Yes, Shadow."

"And stuff."

"...Yeah."

"You know?"

"I know."

"Want us to model our new outfits?"

"That'll take a month, by the looks of it."

"Now did it take us a month to get the clothes?"

"No. Just about six hours."

"Then it wouldn't take us a month to model them."

"You can model a few things, then. Just not underwear."

"Woohoo!" Shadow went rummaging through her bags and picked out a few things she particularly liked and ran away. Kurama sighed and sat down heavily in a nearby chair.

"Maybe this school idea isn't such a good plan after all..."

"Sure it is!" Eclipse said cheerfully, appearing out of nowhere. Kurama jumped up.

"If you keep appearing like that, I'm going to beat your head in!"

"You wouldn't do that, you're too nice."

"Sure. I'm nice. Yeah. Well Youko isn't."

"Youko's nice to Shadow."

"No he's not! He's a professional lecher to Shadow!"

"Yes, well... At least he doesn't kill her."

"Peh. I'd almost rather get killed than be eternally harassed, if I were her."

_"You know she likes it."_

_"Shut up, Youko. You're disgusting. Even if it's true."_

Shadow suddenly lunged into the room in the darkest, most evil outfit she'd bought: Extremely baggy black pants with a half a million zippers, chains, and straps with legs so wide you could hide a medium-sized dog in them. The stitching was all with red thread and stood out. Her belt had rings and chains on it, she wore boots that came to her knees, though you wouldn't be able to tell if she even _had_ feet with the way these pants were... Her shirt, black, of course, had some psychotic saying on it, and was also extremely baggy, most likely a couple sizes too big. She had a skintight shirt on under it, fishnet, but only about four inches of this was visible on her arms between her elbow-length sleeves and the biker gloves she was wearing. Last but not least, about ten chains hung around her neck, various lengths, sizes, and designs, with anything from wolf pendants to an anarchy sign. Kurama stared.

"This, my friends," Shadow said, her too-big shirt hanging off one shoulder slightly and exposing fishnet underneath, "_This_ is the most awesome outfit I've ever worn." She smiled evilly. Eclipse grinned.

"Way cool, Shadow. I love it."

"I'm modeling some of my new clothes for Kurama. You should too." She turned to Kurama. "We got almost identical outfits, except where I have red, she has blue. Hiei has something extremely similar to this, too, except he has a coat to go with it..."

"How much money did you spend?" Kurama asked, a bit scared of the answer.

"Um... A lot. Everything I took. Several bazillion yen."

A heavy sigh escaped Kurama's lips. "Remind me to never let you loose in a mall with money..."

"It's my money... Besides, these clothes will last us the next five years if we're lucky! And if we don't fight and get 'em tore up."

"_You_ don't fight _anyway_. You're a tantei assistant, Shadow, not a warrior."

"Shut the hell up! I could take you any day!"

"Right... Whatever."

"That's it, Mommy's Boy! We takin' this outside! Let's go, girly-boy! Huh! You wanna piece o' me?"

"Sit, Shadow!" Eclipse yelled. Shadow turned wide, horrified eyes on her.

"_Why?_"

"Sit! Stay!"

Shadow glared and stood still, pouting with her arms crossed. "Sonofabitch."

"First, I am not a son of _anything_, and second, I don't know my mother, so she might _be_ a bitch. I'm unaware."

"Whatever, child. I'm gonna go get more clothes! Model time! Yeeha!" She spun around and ran upstairs. How she managed to without tripping over the bottoms of her pants, I don't know, but she nearly flattened Hiei as she went. He grabbed her arm as she jogged by and looked at her outfit.

"Good God."

"Yes I am!"

"What?"

"I am God, thank you, and I'm a pretty good God too, if I do say so myself."

"Go away."

"I'm modeling. Wanna watch?"

"I JUST SPENT SIX LONG AND PAINFUL HOURS PUTTING UP WITH YOU AND YOUR CLOTHES! NO, I DON'T WANT TO WATCH!"

"Then stay upstairs," Shadow said coldly, glaring. "Or stay out of my way, cuz I am MODELING!"

"What the hell ever."

Then she very abruptly changed her disposition, gave him a friendly pat on the head while smiling cheerfully, and jogged towards her room.

**-**

The first day of school, frighteningly enough, came very quickly, it seemed. Hiei woke up precisely at 6:15 AM, showered, dressed, and then went to Shadow's room and walked in without knocking, taking care to be silent. She was sleeping, of course, and he went up to her bed and leaned down next to her. She was so peaceful and calm and quiet... Like a totally different person. He could have done any number of things to wake her. Perhaps a gentle shake, or a tender kiss. The atmosphere was right. But he opted for choice number three.

"**WAKE UP!**"

"AAIIIIEEEE!" Shadow screamed, sitting bolt upright. She missed breaking Hiei's nose only because of his reflexes. "Don't _do that!_"

"Get up. You have school today. _I_ have school today, and being a teacher, I have to get there before most students. So, you have to go with me. You wearing the uniform?"

"Hell no, man. Just cuz I have the thing doesn't mean I'm gonna wear it," she scoffed, rolling off the opposite side of the bed. There was a loud thud and the majority of the sheets were pulled off Shadow's bed as she hit the floor. "Eh..."

"Up. Shower. Dress. Food. School. Snap to it, you have half an hour."

"Half an hour!"

"You heard me, kid."

"Well you're certainly high-and-mighty this morning..." She started untangling herself from the mess of sheets.

"That, Shadow, is because I'm a school teacher and I have to be in charge. Right? Yes. Right. You're lucky I don't have you run laps."

"You'll save that for P.E."

"Yeah. Now GET UP!"

"I'M GETTIN'!"

Hiei snorted and walked away, leaving the room and going downstairs just as the doorbell rang. _What the hell?_

Though the door was only about ten feet away from Hiei, Shadow came streaking down the stairs and got to it before he did, tearing it open so fast that Kurama, standing on the porch, jumped.

"God, Shadow..." Hiei muttered. "You know I'm about eight feet from the door, right?"

"Yes, I know."

"Why, may I ask, did you feel the need, then, to answer the door yourself?"

"Because... I felt like hugging Kurama!" she said cheerfully, and did just that.

"But... You didn't know who was at the door."

"Who else would come at this time of the day?"

"A psychotic lunatic."

"Well... Kurama kinda is a psychotic lunatic, but-"

"I am not!"

Shadow paused. "I gotta go to the bathroom." She turned around and walked down the hall, her bedsheets trailing behind her. When she shut the bathroom door, they got shut in it, there was a clatter, some curses, some _more_ curses, before finally Shadow somehow solved her dilemma and the shower started up.

Kurama looked Hiei over, what with his black clothes and a silver chain around his neck. "Nice, threatening choice of clothes for the first day, Hiei."

"Yes, I know, that's the point."

"People will think you're odd." Hiei looked at him blankly. "Right. You don't care."

"No. I don't. In fact, that's good, in a way."

"... It is?"

"Yes, fox. It's good that people think I'm weird."

"Any particular reason...?"

"Not really."

Kurama blinked. "Okay."

"Any particular reason you decided to come here at quarter 'till seven in the morning?"

"Had to make sure you got up in time."

"I got up half an hour ago."

"I see. Well in that case, I'm going to give you a ride to school, as I know you don't wanna walk, and I drove my car here."

"Why wouldn't I want to walk?"

"More time with Shadow."

"Oh. I live with her, though. Just going to school is getting me a lot less time with her than normally."

"Ready to teach?"

"Uh, yeah... _Teach_..."

"Hiei..." the fox warned.

"What? I'm gonna teach! Isn't that what I just said?"

"Well that's what the words said, but the meaning hidden behind them said otherwise... You're not going to torment my classmates."

"You don't care."

"Not in particular, but it's just-"

"Yes, whatever, fox, I'll behave like a good stupid ningen sensei..."

"Good. I don't have P.E. until the end of the day. Last class. So..."

"Kurama!"

"Yes?"

"I get the idea!"

"You sure?"

"Quite."

"Positive?" Kurama taunted.

"Shut up!"

"Answer me!"

"Leave me alone!"

"But Hiei, are you positive?"

"Go away! Go to school!"

"Can't. Waiting for Shadow."

"Go fix breakfast. Save her some trouble, the poor child doesn't know up from down right now," Hiei ordered, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"No! Fix your own food!"

"Shadow's job."

"Hiei!"

"_Kurama!_" Hiei mocked. Kurama narrowed his eyes.

"Don't you mock me, young man."

"I'll mock you if I feel like it, Grandpa."

"Grandpa!"

"Old man. You are old. _Old,_ Kurama! Senile!"

"Hey! Just because my demon side has an odd affinity with shiny things, Shadow, and poker doesn't mean I'm old _or_ senile."

"You're mental!"

"_I'M_ MENTAL!" came Shadow's cheerful voice, and she exploded down the hall out of the bathroom, tackling a certain fire demon and hugging him.

"Let go! Leggo! Shadow!"

"Leggo my eggo!" she sang. Hiei went limp. "I KILT HIM!"

"You 'kilt' him?"

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!"

"I... heard you... Shadow..."

"HE'S DED!"

"Ded?"

"**DED, DAMMIT!**"

"Go get dressed, and wear the school uniform. Rule-breaking is not for the first day of school."

"Sure it is! You can break rules whenever you want. Rules are made to be broken. You should know that, thief."

Kurama sighed. "Fine. Don't. Get detention. I'm not going to nag at you."

"Thank you!"

"You know you're still hanging onto Hiei, right?"

Shadow looked at the limp fire demon in her arms and wailed, horrified. "I KILT HIM DED!"

"Sure you did, Shadow. Go get dressed, I'll handle Hiei."

Shadow very reluctantly let go of Hiei. "If he's not alive and well by the time I get back down here, dressed and ready for a fun day at the building of three thousand tortures, I'm afraid you'll be doing CPR on him. Not me." She spun around and walked away. Kurama looked at Hiei for a second, until Shadow's footsteps had vanished up the stairs.

"She gone?" Hiei asked, opening one eye. Kurama nodded. The little demon got up instantly. "Good."

"So what are you planning on teaching these kids today?"

"I don't plan on teaching anything today. That's how the first day of school is, isn't it?"

"Most of the time, at least in gym class. And they'd hate you forever if you did... Besides, most of them wouldn't have brought their gym uniforms anyway..."

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Hiei sighed, sitting down.

"Shadow's very persuasive," Kurama said, smiling, an odd glint in his eye.

"Okay, what was the hidden insinuation behind that, pervert fox?" Hiei asked, standing right back up again to glare at his friend.

"I'm sure you can figure it out..."

"Yes, I'm sure I can too. Get control on your Youko side."

"Gomen nasai," Kurama apologized. "You'd better get Shadow, you'll be late if she doesn't-"

"HIEI! YOU LIVE!" A black blur came flying into the room, tackled Hiei, and they tumbled over a couple times before Hiei found himself being hugged to death yet again by Shadow.

"Speak of the devil..." Kurama said. "C'mon Shadow, let's get going."

"Hey! I'm not the devil!" she snapped indignantly, standing up and letting go of Hiei. He landed on the floor with a thud, looking dazed.

"It's a figure of speech, Shadow. I know you aren't the devil, the devil is a good bit less cheerful, I'd say."

"He's cheerful when people commit heinous crimes... He was cheerful a lot when Youko was reigning King of Thieves over Makai... Evil makes him happy."

"Youko isn't _evil_, he's just..."

"Not very concerned about other people," Hiei said.

"Yes. I suppose 'selfish' is the word."

"Selfish Perverted _Bastard_ is the title," Shadow said, following them out to Kurama's car. She actually bothered locking the front door behind her. They all got in the car and headed towards school, all excited and whatnot...

-

"Shadow!"

The girl spun at the sound of her name. Eclipse came running up to her.

"Hi!"

"Hi!"

"High?"

"No, _hi_."

"Hell. Whatever, I don't speak your odd language."

"Shadow... I'm speaking your native language."

"I don't speak that language. The only languages I know are Japanese, English, and some odd Makai dialects which nobody here speaks."

"That's nice. Looking forward to our first class?"

"Um... Maybe?"

"Well you, me, and Kurama all have the same schedules, so it should be fun!"

"How'd that happen?" Kurama asked abruptly, slightly horrified by this new discovery. He'd known he had Shadow's schedule the same, but... Also Eclipse? Not good... Well at least he could keep an eye on them... Pyeh. Like he could do anything inconspicious to stop them if they decided to cause trouble. That'd be like stopping a speeding train with your bare hands.

Suddenly he noticed that they'd gotten separated from him.

_Make that a shinkansen with spikes on the front... While you're tied to its tracks,_ Youko sighed in the back of his head as he sought the girls out. Before Kurama could make a remark, he spotted Eclipse, then Shadow, and froze, staring.

"What. The. Hell."

Shadow and Eclipse were harassing our good friend (Well, I personally hate him...)Yuu Kaito. Eclipse was sniffing at his uniform like a drug-sniffing dog, and Shadow was reading out of a book and waving burning incense around in odd patterns, which, on closer examination, one could have identified as English words...

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Kaito was yelling. "I demand you leave me alone!"

"You smell funny," Eclipse declared, standing up straight and looking proud of herself. Kurama hurried over.

"I'll tell you what smells funny," he snapped, wrapping his arm around Eclipse's neck and grabbing the incense from Shadow's hand, ignoring her angry protest. "_This._ This crap smells like marijuana."

"Who's to say it isn't?" Shadow snapped back, glaring dangerously.

"It isn't, is it!"

"No, but it sure smells that way, doesn't it?" she laughed.

"Who are these two? More of your odd friends?" Kaito asked.

"What is going on here?" another voice yelled.

"SHADOW!" Kurama yelped. "It's the first day of school! Classes haven't even started and you've already drawn Yamashita's attention! Idiot! Get out of here!"

"Yamashita? Oh, that S.O.B. who tried to hit me for 'harassing' that one girl in your fan club a couple years ago? That guy's hysterical!"

"Hysterical, am I?"

Shadow spun around and looked up at him, smiling. "_Ohayou gozaimasu, Yamashita-sensei!_"

"Oh, I recognize _you_... Decided to come back, have you?"

"Well, it wasn't entirely my-"

Kurama slapped a hand over her mouth and smiled apologetically. "She's very happy to be back and she promises you won't have to worry about her behavior too much."

"And why isn't she wearing the uniform?"

"Because it's ugly," Shadow managed to retort before Kurama could silence her again. He sighed exasperatedly.

"_Shadow_..."

"What? Yusuke's fine print didn't include not getting in trouble," she whispered back to him, grinning.

Luckily, the class bell rang, saving all their asses as Kurama hurriedly dragged them away, saying over his shoulder to the principal, "Well, we can't be late for the first class of a new year, can we? We'll just be going... Quickly... Away."

He practically carried the two girls to English, the first class of the day. He dropped them into seats on either side of him and glared.

"You guys are horrible. If you get me in trouble-"

"Don't worry, fox! We'll cover for you and take all the blame so your human reputation isn't in the least bit injured... Of course, we all know your _true_ nature, but-"

"Shuuichi!" A girl came running up to Kurama, smiling excitedly. Shadow recognized her and said so.

"Hey! I recognize you!"

Ayame looked at Shadow. Her smile faltered, but she managed to keep it, though now it held obvious falseness.

"Oh, yes, you're Shadow, right? It's nice to see you again."

Shadow continued grinning, quite aware that the girl was not being honest, and deciding to ignore it and act polite and... Well... Maybe not entirely polite.

"Shuuichi brought me to school this morning, wasn't that nice of him?" Shadow said, smiling.

"Yes, very nice..." The girl was obviously quite deflated. How could her dear Shuuichi treat this scrawny, odd girl better than _her_, better than _Ayame_, who had _so_ much more to offer! (Right...)

"Ayame, what is it you wanted?" Kurama asked politely.

"I just wanted to say good morning, and that I'm happy we're in this class together! English is the hardest thing for me, but you have the highest grade in the class! Aside from Miller, of course, because English is her first language."

Shadow snorted. "What grades does 'Miller' get, then?"

"If her grade is higher than foxy's here, she's most likely got a solid 97 to 100," Eclipse said to Shadow, like neither Kurama nor Ayame was there. "I, of course, get A's, because I. Am. A genius."

"Pff. Then my goal for this class is to get higher grades than Whatever-her-name-is Miller!" Shadow said, standing on her desk in a superhero pose.

"What are you doing standing on your desk!" the teacher asked, walking into the room at the precise wrong moment.

"Absolutely nothing worth punishing me for, sir!" Shadow said, saluting and falling down and back into her seat. The chair fell over from the force and she rolled over and ended up face-first on the floor.

The teacher looked at her, raising one eyebrow. "What's your name?"

Shadow rolled over and looked up at him. "Jaganshi. Shadow."

"Stand up, Shadow-san." Luckily, this teacher seemed to have a high tolerance for clowns.

Shadow jumped to her feet and offered her hand. "_Hajimemashite_!"

The teacher pointed to her seat. "Now sit down."

Shadow looked at her chair, uprighted it, and sat down obediently, looking up at him with a small child's innocent, hopeful smile and wide, glittering eyes. The man just looked at her and sighed, hiding a smile. He went to the front of the room and sat at his desk. The late bell had rung long ago, so he called roll and introduced himself as Black-sensei (at which Shadow leaned over and elbowed Kurama, saying, "You were wrong! Ha ha." He pushed her away and looked apologetically at Black, whose attention she had caught with her loud whispers).

"This class is third year English, so I assume you already have some knowledge of the language and culture of Americans," he continued. There was murmured agreement. "Good, then I'd like to give you a test to see where everybody stands. Get out a piece of paper."

"**NANI!**"

"What? This is school, you take tests, don't you?"

"Not on the first DAY!"

"It won't count towards your grade, how's that?"

"WE DON'T WANNA TAKE A TEST!"

"Shadow-san, would you come up here and pass out a sheet of paper to everyone who needs one?"

Shadow jumped up and danced (literally) to the front of the room. "Yes sir!" She took the stack of lined paper and started passing them out, cheerfully saying something to every. single. person. she handed one to. Compliment, greeting, other such comment.

When everyone had a paper and she'd danced back to the teacher and given him the remaining papers in the stack, he regarded them all with a smile.

"How would you all react if I told you I was joking?"

And Mr. Black was suddenly bombarded by crumpled up balls of paper, erasers, and the caps off pens. He laughed once the attack had subsided.

"Couldn't resist. You will be having a test sometime this week, however."

"That was Not. Cool," one kid said, annoyed. Black smiled.

"Yes, well... Anyway, you're all sixteen or seventeen years old, I assume I shouldn't have to tell you rules for proper behavior?"

"No," several people replied.

"Good. In that case, then, you have the rest of the period to yourselves. Do as you please, without breaking those rules."

Shadow got up and did a happy dance until Kurama, annoyed and embarrassed, managed to push her down into her seat, push her chair under her desk so she was pinned in it, and stand behind the chair to keep her from pushing it out and continuing the dance she was so pathetically attempting to complete while sitting. Eclipse smiled and declared, "DANCING IS CONTAGEOUS!"

...And she began dancing the same way Shadow was (only standing). Kurama stared at her and groaned, slumping down into his own seat and giving up.

"You two are the _only_ things I will ever give up on," he muttered.

"THINGS? We aren't things! We're people, just like you!" Shadow accused, stopping her dancing and pointing accusingly. Eclipse imitated her overdramatically. The entire class was staring.

"Please..." Kurama muttered. "Stop. Being. **Idiots!** I know that's an extremely _difficult_ concept for you two halfwit children to grasp, but _please_, for the sake of everything with even a small brain and tiny hint of sanity, **_PLEASE_** stop acting like dolts before I refuse to claim any knowledge of your existence."

Both girls froze, looked at Kurama with wide-eyed, scared, "you wouldn't _really_ do that, would you" looks, before sitting down and folding their hands in their laps politely, staring straight ahead.

"Wow. That's some control you have," Black said in the silence that followed. Kurama just sighed and looked at him.

"It can hardly be called 'control,'" he replied.

"Looks like control to me."

"It's a threat."

"A _threat?_ How can silence and stillness be a threat?"

"Never mind, sir..."

"It's a foreboding omen of things to come," came Hiei's falsely kind/polite voice from the doorway. Mostly everyone in the room stared, but nobody was half as bewildered as Kurama, Shadow, and Eclipse. "Sorry for interrupting whatever it was you were doing, but could I speak with Shadow for a moment?"

"Of course," Black said, looking at Shadow in a "You heard the man" sort of way. She got up and walked towards Hiei, and he shut the door behind her before grabbing her arm and dragging her a ways down the hallway.

"Yes sir?" she said, smiling slightly.

"Shadow."

"Yes?"

"I. Am going to kill you. Keep that in mind. You will die. Slow and painful. Soon. Just not right now because it'd be suspicious. Maybe at home. Today. Expect it. You. Will. Die. I am _so_ pissed off right now..." He said this all in a dangerously low, angry tone of voice that any smart person would cower in fear from... Shadow, however, being quite the opposite of 'any smart person' (being '_not_ just any **_dumb_** person') just stood and smiled at him.

"Okay," she said. "You've got a class this period down in the gym, haven't you. And they insulted you several times already. So you're pissed at me because you can't kill the humans and it's my fault you're here, am I right?"

"Enjoy your day while you can, because when you get to my class you'll be in hell."

"Yes sir!"

He let go of her and walked down the hall. She skipped back into English.

"What'd he want?"

"Death threats!"

People stared.

The next class was science/chemistry/biology. The teacher was one Tayama-sensei, who laid down extremely strict rules.

"One, we will be working with a variety of volatile chemicals, and I expect you to always follow lab rules, which are posted on **every wall.**"

Kurama looked pointedly at Shadow, who noticed and quickly faked being undyingly fascinated with the rules posted on the nearest wall.

"Two, do not speak unless I call on you after you've raised your hand, or if I give you permission to speak quietly among the people sitting around you."

Shadow grinned at Kurama and Eclipse on either side of her.

"Three, turn in your assignments on time. Late assignments with no valid excuse, such as absence, will automatically be reduced ten percent."

He went through about ten more rules and after that the class was spent with absentminded twiddling of thumbs (he didn't give permission to speak quietly amongst their neighbors).

Third period, social studies, was uneventful, as mostly all social studies classes always are... This one was taught by a new teacher, the man Hiei had met on his way into the first 'teachers taught to teach' class. His name was Okibi-sensei and he was the cheerful, friendly sort, somewhat like Black-sensei but nothing like Tayama... Shadow figured she could get away with a lot in his class.

Fourth period was language arts, and it was their first class taught by a woman. Her name was Sato-sensei, and she was young-ish and seemed nice, but Kurama warned Shadow that if she irked the lady too much, she wouldn't escape detention for half a month... After school, during school, on weekends... Shadow winced at this.

But the teacher was rather cheerful today, it seemed, and after explaining rules and whatnot, pointed to a question written up on the board.

"You'll be learning about different forms of writing essays this year, and to go along with this, you'll have an essay question every day to tell me about yourself!"

Shadow stared. "Not cool, dude."

"I will be collecting them all, and at the end of the year I'll hand them back and we can see how your writing has improved! So, today's question, if you would all get out a paper and pencil..." She waited until everyone's shuffling had subsided before continuing. "Today's essay is this: 'Look to the people on either side of you and write something nice about them both.' I hope you know your classmates well enough to do that... Try using complete, descriptive sentences and feel free to write more than one positive thing, if you feel so inclined!"

Kurama's eyes widened as two halfbreed, psychotic girls grinned at him from either side. "Man... This is lousy."

"Well I have to write something nice about _you_, and what have you ever done to deserve _that?_" Shadow muttered. She looked then to her left, shrugged (she didn't know the kid, so she'd be writing about looks alone), then looked at her paper. She touched the pencil tip to the paper. There was a pause in which she stared at the blue lines on the paper before she accidentally broke the tip of the pencil and it went flying over onto the desk of the boy on her left. He glared at her.

"I have to write something _nice_ about you, it's best not to aggitate me before you need to."

Shadow blinked, pulled out a lead pencil from her back pocket, and scribbled down,_ "The boy on my left has a nice voice, even though it's slightly gruff from always being angry."_ Quite the judge, aren't we?

Then came the hard part. Look to your right.

Shadow stared at Kurama. _One_ compliment, huh...?

_On my right, reigning champion in the world of intelligence, looks, social skills, and multiple other things, we see our friend Shuuichi Minamino, the genius, the gentleman, the if-looks-could-kill... LEPRECHAUN!_

_I just spoiled my roll, didn't I... Sorry. Let's try that again._

_Shuuichi Minamino is smart, polite, athletic, good-looking, and also a good friend of mine so I feel like with all this idiotic blathering that I'm hitting on him or something._

The teacher gave them a good ten minutes to write what took Shadow less than five. So Shadow used her wonderfully subtle skills of information gathering to scoot her chair over a bit and look at Kurama's paper. He noticed, but didn't even bother _trying_ to shield it, because all he'd get was an ear full of complaints.

_On my left is Shadow. We've been friends for several years, so luckily I know her well enough to have seen some of her good attributes (aside from her physical attributes, which are obviously quite good). It may surprise you to know she's really quite intelligent._

_On my right is Eclipse. She's pretty, too, and from what I've heard and seen, really good at soccer. She's the team's MVP._

Shadow narrowed her eyes slightly. "You _wrote_ more about me, but I catch an odd hint that you have this flattery thing going on with Eclipse..."

"What!"

"Well, you said nice stuff about me, but you seemed to stress Eclipse's sentences more, with more emotion..."

Kurama sighed. "Are you saying I have a crush on Eclipse?"

"...Maybe..."

The teacher interrupted, diverting Kurama from his death glare. "Who would like to read theirs aloud?" she asked cheerfully. Shadow, Kurama, and Eclipse quite plainly refused (or rather, Kurama threatened Shadow with "IF YOU READ THAT TO THIS CLASS, I WILL KILL YOU!").

So went the day fowards to LUNCH! Taking one look at the school lunch, Shadow crept into a corner and cowered in fear until something (or rather, some_one_) caught her eye...

A certain little fire demon was hanging around near one of the doorways, leaning on the wall, his eyes scanning over the people in the room. As she watched, a few kids went up to him, smiling, said something that rewarded them with a raised eyebrow and some smart remark that made them laugh as they waved and walked off to their own little group of friends.

Shadow slipped out through one of the other cafeteria doors and went around to the door behind Hiei. She stood silently in the doorway, intending to lunge out and scare him, as another kid came up to him, laughing.

"Hey, Jaganshi-sensei! That was awesome in class today!" The kid's eyes flicked to Shadow for a split second and she put her finger on her lips in the universal "BE QUIET!" gesture. But Hiei had caught the tiny deviation in attention as something more than just casually glancing around. He didn't let on.

"And?"

"Do you plan on doing that very often?"

"Not really."

"Aw, come on, it was awesome! The way you kind of like, well... I don't even know! How'd you do that!"

"It's none of your business."

"Aw, man!"

And Shadow took this opportunity to lunge out and grab Hiei's shoulders, shouting "BOO!" in his face. He blinked mildly at her.

"Hello, Shadow."

"Aw, man! I was _supposed_ to _scare_ you!"

"You'd think when I live with you that'd by now you'd realize I don't scare easily."

"You live together?" the kid asked, surprised.

"Unfortunately," Hiei said.

"What's she, like, your daughter? Niece? Cousin? Sister?"

"No relation," they said in unison. Shadow was still holding onto Hiei's shoulders for no apparent reason.

"So what'd he do in your class?" Kurama asked from behind them, seeming quite disapproving.

"You know Hiroshi Nakada, right?"

"All too well," Kurama replied, looking at Hiei as he already started putting pieces together. "What'd he do...?"

"Well, Nakada thought he could beat the crap out of Jaganshi-sensei here, so when he said 'go ahead and try,' Nakada ran at him and tried to tackle him or punch him or kick him, whatever it was... I couldn't tell because it was a really pathetic try, or maybe it was because Jaganshi-sensei dodged it and flipped him onto his back every single time. It was _awesome!_ I bet Nakada won't be messing with _you_ anymore, man! Way to go! I can already tell P.E. is gonna be awesome with a new teacher like you! I gotta go, though. Ja mata!"

Kurama, however, was giving Hiei a look that plainly warned, "LECTURE!"

"Please, fox, don't lecture me, I know I'm not supposed to do stuff like that around normal ningens, but I couldn't resist. That idiot gave us so much grief, then he wouldn't shut up, I just couldn't help myself..." Hiei said, grinning. Shadow hugged him.

"Way to go! I wish I could have been there!"

Kurama sighed heavily. "So do I."

Two sets of red eyes focused incredulously on him.

"You just said-"

"I know, but I hate that kid. I wish I could have done it myself... O'course, I wouldn't've been able to restrain myself and probably would have put him in the hospital... You _did_ have mats down, didn't you?"

"Yes sir," Hiei sighed. "I know how to handle you frail ningens..."

"I'm _not_ a frail ningen."

"You know what I mean."

"I take it you have no class this period and were sent to watch all us irresponsible teens, right?" Kurama said, changing the subject.

"Well I wasn't sent, but I have nothing better to do, and you guys are here, so..." He shrugged. "Why not."

"Come sit with us!" Shadow said cheerfully.

"Wha!"

But he was already being dragged off to the nearest empty table, Kurama trailing behind. Eclipse was still standing in the lunch line, waiting to get her oddly plastic-looking food...

"So I can tell you've already put your impression out on the students as 'cool,'" Kurama said, poking at his food for a second before pushing his tray away with a distasteful look on his face.

"Whatever gets me through this Hell," Hiei muttered, quietly enough that any nearby students wouldn't have heard him. Teachers aren't supposed to be so negative about their jobs, and he knew that. "So what class are you in next?"

"Calculus, boys and girls!" Shadow announced, poking at Kurama's food, then picking a bit off and flicking it so it ended up in a nearby prep's hair. She looked at it with a wide-eyed "OOPS" look, contemplating what to do for half a second before deciding to leave it there. Nobody would know it was her...

"Ha! Have fun!"

... And fun they had.

Baisotei-sensei, their math teacher, wasn't in a good mood. He told them rules, handed out books, all the stuff other teachers had done, and succeeded in ticking off Shadow pretty bad. So when he snapped at her for yawning, she glared and retorted, "Who the hell pissed in YOUR Cheerios?"

And he stared. Then burst out laughing. Then it was Shadow's turn to stare.

"Was it that funny?"

"I didn't think so," Kurama replied.

"I'm sorry!" the teacher laughed. "Wow, that was the perfect thing to wake me up! I like you, girl, you're really straightforward. What was your name again?"

"Shadow..."

"Thank you, Shadow. For that, you're excused from tonight's homework."

"We have _homework_!" the rest of the class cried miserably.

"Yes, you do."

"Aw, maaaaan!"

After math, they had to suffer through health... Which, when they reached the room, became an apparent and obvious _fact_ that they indeed _would_ be suffering. The teacher, Etsuko-sensei, told them her plans for the year's lessons.

"I thought first we'd start out learning about relationships and reproduction!" she told them. "It's appropriate for all you hormone-driven teenagers! Now, you're probably thinking 'Ew, I don't want to talk about reproduction! You mean _sex_?' Well let me tell you, human reproduction is a beautiful thing. When a man and woman fall in love and decide to have a child, when they-"

At this point, Shadow stopped listening and instead vouched for the more appealing action of staring in horror as the lady went on about how beautiful sex is, like the majority of the class had no idea what sex even was or something... The lady didn't seem to realize that the majority of the people in the class had probably already _had_ sex once or twice (being anywhere from sixteen to eighteen years old, y'know. I know people that age who already have kids).

Shadow stole a glance at Kurama and Eclipse. The fox abruptly looked at her with an odd glint in his eyes, then snorted to keep from laughing hysterically.

"Damn Youko," Shadow hissed under her breath. Eclipse, on the other hand, was just as horrified by this lady's sense of 'beauty' as Shadow was, and was plugging her ears and humming.

"So you see, it's nothing to be disgusted by..." Etsuko was saying. "And after relationships and reproduction, I believe we'll learn about the human body in its entirety, first aid, emotional and physical health, and if we have time after that, I... I'm not sure what we'll do, but we'll find something if there's a couple weeks left. I don't think there will be, though. Reproduction will take up the majority of the time we have."

One boy raised his hand. "Are we going to get to watch videos?"

"Maybe."

Shadow coughed and it sounded oddly like, "Porn!" Everyone else in the room seemed excited by this. More like, "Yay! Porn!" than "EW! PORN!"

"Hey, but this is the last class we have to suffer through before we get to go see Hiei!" Shadow squealed, elbowing Kurama in the ribs.

"Ow... Yeah, Shadow. You're excited, I get it..."

The rest of the class, Etsuko spent giving rules and telling classroom procedure like all the other teachers had. When the bell rang, Shadow got up and literally bolted from the room. Kurama and Eclipse followed at a slower pace. Another kid from their health class, Kurama wasn't sure of his name, came up behind them halfway to the gym.

"Hey! Aren't you Shuuichi Minamino? The genius?"

"Yes... I suppose."

"And you're Eclipse Shinomori, the soccer player?"

"Yes, among other things."

"That's awesome! Who was that girl who was with you in health and Science?"

"Shadow Jaganshi..."

"Where is she now?"

"She ran to the gym. She's excited."

"About gym class? Heard we had a new teacher. Heard he's really cool."

Kurama couldn't help but chuckle. "Hiei's already cool before the end of the first day. I have to admit I didn't really expect that," he muttered to Eclipse.

"Who's Hiei?" the kid behind them asked. "The gym teacher? You know him on a first-name basis? Wow!"

"We've been friends for quite some time," Kurama said.

"Well I'm headed to his class, so give me some pointers. Can I play pranks?"

Eclipse snorted and burst out laughing.

"We're in his class next too..." There was a pause as Kurama grinned. "What kind of pranks did you have in mind?"

"Just typical new-teacher pranks. Lying, confusing him, stealing his papers and stuff. Nothing terribly harmful. You can't do a lot of complex pranks in a P.E. class. No desks and whatnot."

"You can try your pranks," Kurama said. "I'm not saying it's a good idea, but you can try."

They turned into the gym. Most of the class was already there, including Shadow (she'd probably arrived first).

"Awesome! So where is he?"

Kurama looked around. "Beats me."

Everyone who'd just recently arrived was looking around curiously, but Shadow and some of the first to arrive were chatting among themselves. Shadow came flying over to Kurama and grabbed his shoulders.

"If he's not here, he can't kill me!" she cheered. The prankster boy looked confused.

"_Kill_ you?"

Shadow looked past Kurama at him. "Who're you?"

"Obake Ryu." (written Japanese style, so Ryu Obake, dragon ghost. Don't ask.)

"Nice to meet you, Ryu. I'm Shadow."

The late bell rang. Now people were really confused. Apparently, they had no teacher... A couple kids came running in late, already babbling excuses.

"We're sorry J- Where is he?"

A few people shrugged. Then Hiei's voice made them all freeze.

"You're **late.**"

Now everyone started freaking out. BODILESS VOICES! Eek!

"Ah!" Shadow chirped suddenly, her eyes lighting up. She ran to the bleachers, which were folded against the wall, the top nearly twice her height, and scrambled up them (somehow) to the top (which you aren't really supposed to stand on). "Found you."

Hiei was lying on the top against the wall, his eyes closed and his hands behind his head. Shadow kicked the bottom of his boot.

"Get up."

"Get off the bleachers or I'll give you detention," he muttered, smiling slightly as he opened his eyes and sat up.

People stared. The guys were confused moreso than the girls, who were shocked to see their new P.E. teacher was a total hottie. Short, yes, but hot. They stared and drooled.

"Are they related?" Ryu asked Kurama quietly. The fox shook his head.

"_Iie._ No relation."

"You sure? They have the same last name."

"I'm sure."

"Then they're married!"

And Kurama and Eclipse both fell over.

"No! And you'd better not say anything like that to either of them because they'll explode."

Hiei dropped to the floor easily and looked up at Shadow.

"Can I stay up here?"

"No. Get down."

"But..."

Hiei sighed. He mumbled under his breath, "Damned humans..." and helped her down. At that point, several members of the class started getting ideas about the relationship between these two (and the drooling girls started getting evil plans for Shadow's unsightly demise so they could have the 'little hottie' all to themselves). Hiei turned and faced them.

"What were you doing up there?" one kid asked.

"Waiting," Hiei replied shortly. He looked directly at the two who'd been late. "I'll give you a reprieve since it's the first day."

The two sighed. "_Doumo arigatou gozaimasu_..."

"Whatever," Hiei said.

"What're we doing today, Jaganshi-sensei?"

"Dying!" Shadow cheered.

"Shut up." Hiei then pulled out his attendance sheet and called roll. Then he had everyone line up and count off by twos.

"So what're we doing?" the same kid asked.

"I've had a lot of requests for dodgeball today, and since I approve of it and don't give a shit what Yamashita says... Who wants to play dodgeball?"

Several kids were totally awed by his choice of words, so the kids who did want to play dodgeball (which already outnumbered everyone else), just grabbed these stunned-into-silence kids' arms and also raised them.

"Okay then..." Hiei went to the store room and came out with a sack of foam balls over his shoulder (well he does have _some_ regard for rules. At least nobody will get terribly hurt with _foam_ balls). "You know the rules, any disagreements come to _me_ for clarification, I will be watching. Knock yourself out. Er... Figuratively speaking." One team on either side of the gym, ten foam balls, ready go. He retreated back to the bleachers and sat quietly, assessing each student and making sure that nobody got wailed on too bad...

In the end, Kurama and Shadow came over to talk to him while Eclipse yelled at some perverted boys who'd said something about her ass.

"I know there was a point to this, Hiei," Kurama said when the little demon obediently dropped off the bleachers to talk to them.

"Yes, there was. You both did very well, of course."

"You were testing them, weren't you!" Shadow said. "The stupid weak ningen teenagers!"

"Something about brightly colored things flying towards your body at high velocities makes you a bit jumpy, doesn't it? Even ningen games can train you, if played with the right people. I've learned that," Hiei told them. "Most of the kids in my classes have the ability to dodge something thrown at them. That's good."

"You're not planning on teaching any martial arts, are you...?" Kurama sighed.

"Weeellll..."

"Hiei, you can't teach these kids martial arts! They'll end up having false delusions that they can fight, then they'll start fistfights in the hallways and _you'll_ get in trouble!" Kurama warned.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Hiei said, brushing him off. "Pardon me for being a martial arts master..."

"You're a martial arts master?" a nearby kid said suddenly. Hiei and Kurama both swore under their breath. "Why kind? Karate? Ninjutsu? Samurai? Tae Kwan Do?"

Hiei rolled his eyes before looking directly at the kid. "Swordplay."

"Swordplay? Awesome! Like, with a sword?"

The little demon hit himself in the side of the head. "No, with a bow and arrows..." he retorted sarcastically, leaving "idiot" unspoken, no matter how much he really wanted to say it.

"What's that about a sword?" another kid said.

"Jaganshi-sensei is a sword master! Like those people in movies!"

"Wow! Really? Awesome!"

"Can we have a demonstration!"

And soon the entire class was buzzing with questions. Hiei winced under the interrogation and requests, plugged his ears and muttered to Shadow, "If you would be so kind as to silence them..." Kurama heard and instantly plugged his ears too.

"**_SHUT UP!_**" Shadow screamed. Everyone silenced instantly.

"_Arigatou_, Shadow. There's a possibility I'll do a demonstration, but I'd have to clear it with your stupid principal-" Kurama elbowed him ("Stop openly badmouthing him!") and Hiei glared. "-first. And I doubt he'd like it."

"But I heard you beat some kid up in fourth period!" one boy complained. Hiei clenched his fists so hard he nearly drew blood. Then he rounded on Shadow.

"You know, I liked myself much better before _you_ came along and _tainted_ me," he said, practically hissing "tainted." The class looked confused as he turned back to them, much more calm but still looking pissed.

"I did _not_ 'beat him up.' I merely put him in his place. He challenged me. I doubt he'll even have a bruise tomorrow. Now if you don't mind, the bell is going to ring soon and I doubt you want to miss your bus on the first day of school. Get lost. You're dismissed early."

"But I wanna see you beat somebody up..." one kid mumbled in the silence that followed. The rest of the class murmured agreements.

"I volunteer," Shadow said cheerfully. "You can beat me up!"

"I'm not going to beat _anyone_ up, especially _you_, because you are a _girl_ and there's some twenty people watching, and this is a public place and the stupid principal could walk in any second, and..."

"How about if I attack you? Will you defend yourself?"

"We have two minutes before the bell, Shadow."

"So? I can beat you up in two minutes."

"One minute, after we roll out some mats."

"So? I bet I could hit you in one minute."

"I doubt it."

"You're a pansy."

"Why are you taunting me? Do you really want the class to see me humiliate you and your pitiful skills?"

"I'M NOT PITIFUL!" Shadow snapped, tackling him.

"Well... That was _him_ taunting _her_, so I'd say he wants to show off just as bad as she does," Eclipse muttered to Kurama. He made an agreeing sound and watched the fire demons roll around a bit before both jumped to their feet and stood a few feet apart, grinning.

Shadow took the first swing. Hiei dodged and swept his leg low to knock her feet out from under her, but she jumped and tried to kick him. He caught her leg and flipped her.

"Eek!" Deciding honest tactics wouldn't work, Shadow landed on her hands, flipped her feet to the floor, and launched herself at Hiei. She latched onto him and started tickling him.

"Hey!" he yelped.

"Is he ticklish?" Eclipse asked.

"I don't know," Kurama replied dryly.

"Apparently he is," Ryu said from behind them as Hiei, laughing, tried to pry Shadow's hands away.

"That's just hysterical, really," Kurama said, smiling.

_"You're making me look like an idiot!"_ Hiei shouted telepathically at Shadow. She grinned.

_"I know you're honorable, and you can be because you're strong, but I gotta do whatever I can to win, and that includes cheap tricks..."_

_"Wench."_

_"Bastard."_

Hiei managed to shake Shadow off, but then she clung to his leg.

"Leech! Get off!"

"Make me!"

"I would if there weren't twenty people watching," Hiei snapped.

"Pretend they aren't."

Hiei grabbed Shadow's arms and twisted them until she yelped and let go, sitting at his feet to massage her injured arms.

"Normally I don't allow pauses for nursing wounds, you know," he muttered.

"Shut up! I'm a pansy girl and if I wanna sit here and nurse my wounds, I'm allowed!" She jumped up and tried to hit him, but he caught her wrist. She tried with her left hand and he caught that wrist too. Then she tried to kick him and he blocked with his leg.

"You suck," she snapped, obviously defeated as she stood on one leg with her arms held immobile.

"Let's hope he doesn't! That's your job!" one of the more disgusting kids in the back of the group shouted. Hiei and Shadow both stared, Hiei's grip going slightly lax. Shadow escaped his hold but didn't jump away, as she still was appalled and staring, as was most of the class.

"You're lucky I don't give you detention for that, kid," Hiei snapped.

The bell rang, saving the kid from Hiei's wrath. Kurama and Eclipse hung back with Hiei and Shadow.

"That was a lovely ending to your little display," Kurama snapped. "Take something from that and don't do it again."

"I'd like to do that all the time, actually," Shadow said, grinning. The redhead glared.

"Of course you would."

"I didn't know you were ticklish, Hiei," the girl said abruptly, turning back to Hiei. He narrowed his eyes.

"I didn't either."

Shadow grinned. "You learn something new every day!"

Hiei just scowled.

"Yes, especially when you come to school," Kurama said. Then he seemed thoughtful. "Unless you've already lived for several hundred years and know everything vital to survival..."

"Are you saying you don't learn, Kurama?" Hiei accused.

"Of course I do. Just nothing vital to survival. I learned all that when I was little. Centuries ago."

"I know everything vital to survival, too. For Makai _and_ Ningenkai!" Shadow said proudly.

"I don't remember squat about Makai, but I know all about ningens," Eclipse said, grinning. Hiei sighed.

"Pathetic."

"You just can't be afraid!" Shadow continued grandly, oblivious that anyone else had spoken. "Fear is a weakeness!"

"Sometimes," Kurama muttered.

"And yet at other times it's a strength!" she said, then glared at Kurama. "I was _getting to that,_ fox!"

"Sure you were," he retorted under his breath as Shadow commenced her valiant proclaimations of survival tactics. After a few minutes of staring at her, Hiei rolled his eyes and started walking away, towards the nearest door that led outside.

"Where are you going?" Kurama called, jogging after him.

"Where do you think?"

"Don't teachers usually stay after school or something?" Eclipse asked, catching up.

"Not today," Hiei said. "Even if I'm supposed to, not today." He pushed open the door and walked to the parking lot with the other two tagging behind. Shadow was, however, not following. They didn't noticed this until Eclipse had already driven away and Kurama was starting up his car.

"Where's Shadow?" the redhead asked suddenly, looking around.

"Dunno. Don't care," Hiei replied. "Start driving."

A scream pierced the air. "**DON'T LEAVE ME!**"

"Start DRIVING!" Hiei repeated, sounding slightly panicked as he watched Shadow come flying towards them in the rearview mirror.

Kurama pulled out of the parking lot and sped away. Shadow managed to keep an 8-foot margin between her and the car as she tore after it, screaming and waving her arms, her eyes closed tightly. Unnoticed to her, a kid rode his bike quickly across the street on a dare from his friends, which caused Kurama to slam on the breaks and her to slam into the car (her eyes were shut, remember?). She went tumbling over the back window, onto the top, and fell over onto the hood, lying there with swirly eyes, her tongue hanging out of her mouth. Hiei and Kurama stared.

"You killed her..." the bike-riding kid's friends said from the sidewalk, staring.

"She's perfectly alive, I assure you," Kurama replied, not sounding quite so sure of himself.

"Though you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at her," Hiei said, sitting on the roof of the car and poking her with his sword sheath.

"Hiei! Get in the car!"

"What about Shadow?"

"OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED SHADOW!"

Kurama recognized Yusuke's voice before the boy came into view, running up the sidewalk. He pushed past the bike-gang kids and ran into the middle of the street (yes, the middle of the street, and innocent bystanders _are_ gathering) to Kurama's car, where he grabbed Shadow's shoulders and shook her.

"Wake up! Come back to life!" He held her in a half-sitting position for a second, hoping for a sign of life, before dropping her. She hit the hood with a thud and slid off, tumbling into a crumpled heap on the asphalt in front of Kurama's car.

"_Yusuke!_" Hiei admonished. "Good _move_, baka!"

"Isn't it, though?"

A cop car pulled up and two uniformed men got out. "Hold it right there!"

"**YUSUKE!**" Kurama screamed. The black-haired boy scooped up Shadow, and Kurama went flying down the street with Hiei still on the roof, clinging to it for dear life.

"Hit and run!" several people shouted.

"Did you get the license plate number?"

"This girl needs medical attention! Put her on the ground!"

Yusuke didn't obey, but _somebody_ pulled her out of his arms and put her on the ground. Instantly, twenty people formed a circle to watch as one of the cops knelt next to her to do CPR.

"I'm a licensed medic, don't worry!"

Yusuke noticed a change in Shadow's breathing before she even moved (Yes. He did.), and as the cop bent towards her, she opened her eyes, screamed bloody murder, got up, and high-tailed it down the street. The bystanders and police all looked at Yusuke for answers. He shrugged and started walking away.

"Hey! Get back here!" the cop said. Yusuke 'eep'-ed and took off after Shadow.

And that, my friends, is a 20-page chapter about the first day of school and a few events occuring in the month before it. Have a nice day.

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**To make it perfectly clear to you before ANYONE says ANYTHING, I am quite aware that Japanese schools are different than American schools, but since I don't know a lot about Japanese schools and my general readers probably aren't experts either, pretend they're the same for the most part and we'll all benefit from the complaining you won't be doing.  
-Shadow Jaganshi-**


	5. Stuff and Things

**(2-16-05) Heh heh, I put the wrong date on the repost of chapter four... Oh well. Anyway, thanks for your reviews, I'm updating early...**

**Please, PLEASE tell me this stupid site has got its faerie repellent out... Please tell me my chapter's going to have all its spaces and exclamation points and question marks. PLEASE.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER FIVE  
**Stuff and Things

English class the next day was uneventful, for the most part. Shadow got along really well with Black-sensei, not only because she'd made an impression on him the first day, but because she'd made even more of an impression on him the second day when she'd started _singing_ the Preamble to the Constitution of the United States of America quite randomly and quite loudly while Black had been talking to the Miller girl. He stopped in the middle of a sentence and stared at her, as did the rest of the class.

She was standing on her chair, one hand on her heart, the other raised in the air as she sang.

"We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility-" If you don't know the preamble, you're lucky. I had to memorize it in fifth grade and eigth grade...

"Shadow, what are you saying?" Kurama asked, in Japanese. She paused and looked at him.

"Stuff and things," she answered. Then she continued her English singing of something that isn't even a song. When she was done, Black grinned.

"Good pronounciation, very creative, but do you have any idea what you just said?"

Shadow, who had stayed in her elegant opera-singer pose with her eyes closed, suddenly grinned and dropped her hands to her sides, shrugging.

"Haven't a clue. Something about something or something... Something like that." She stepped down off the chair. "I just felt like singing. I could have chosen any one of several hundred English songs I've downloaded off the internet, but I decided that something out of my Great Conglomeration of Pointlessness would be more appropriate."

"The United States Constitution isn't pointless."

"It is to me. I'm in Japan, dude."

"Yes, well to Americans it is very important."

"I'm not American, now am I?"

"No. At this point, I'm not really sure _what_ you are, but you sure aren't American, Shadow."

"Don't feel bad, Black-sensei. Nobody's really sure what she is," Kurama said. "That includes me, and I've known her for years." He pulled a roll of duct tape out of his bag, ripped off a short length, and stuck it over Shadow's mouth.

"We're pretty sure she's from Mars," Eclipse added. "But she could be from any number of other planets. Perhaps even one outside our solar system."

Shadow was clawing wildly at the tape on her mouth. It would have been a very simple endeavor to grab the corner of the tape and rip it off, but she couldn't grasp that idea. No. She would tear the flesh off her bones before she'd do something that simple... It was too confusing.

"I can understand where you might get that idea," Black muttered absently, staring at her. Nobody noticed the venomous glare Miller was sending Shadow. How dare she take the teacher's attention away! Ayame was also glaring. How could Shuuichi prefer a girl like this over _her?_

"She'll claw at her face until her eyes pop out, you know," Eclipse told them absently. "Perhaps you should do something about that tape, fox."

"But..."

"Take it off, Shuuichi-kun," Black sighed. "As amusing as it is, I can't have students physically harming themselves then blaming each other..."

Kurama sighed, grabbing the edge of the tape and ripping it off her face.

"JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SMITH! HIS NAME IS MY NAME TOO! WHENEVER HE GOES OUT, THE PEOPLE ALWAYS SHOUT, '**JOHN JACOB JINGLEHIEMER SMITH!**' Da da na na na na na, Joooohhhhhn Jacob Jingleheimer Smith, his name is our name too... Whenever he goes out, the people always shout-"

**"SHUT UP!"** Eclipse shouted.

"Well, no, but I guess you could say that," Shadow muttered thoughtfully. Then she shrugged. "Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care-"

"Shadow _died_ and _I_ don't care."

"When did that happen?"

"About two minutes from now."

"Really?" Shadow looked at herself. "I look kinda alive, if you ask me. But I guess there's the possibility I'm wrong. It's a small possibility, but it's there." She paused. "It's a very small possibility." Another pause. "Almost inconceivable. It's about one in a trillion."

"Shadow, as good at pronouncing English words you are, I have to ask you to sit in your seat and quiet down," Black said.

"But... I'm Henry the 8th I am, Henry the 8th I am, I am... I got married to the widow next door, she'd been married seven times before..."

"I don't think those are even the words," Eclipse muttered.

"And we really ought to hope you never married a widow, regardless of her marital past or place of residence," Kurama added.

"I don't have any neighbors, so I can't have married _anyone_ next door, regardless of sex, age, or marital past."

"That's good to know," Kurama said.

"Cuz Hiei would be mad," Eclipse added. Then she slapped her hand over her mouth. "OOOOOOoooops!" It was a fake 'oops' that gave everyone in the room more ideas about the relationship between this girl and their new _(extremely sexy)_ physical education teacher.

"What exactly _is_ your relationship with Jaganshi-sensei? Are you related?" Black asked. Shadow shook her head.

"Not related, and we're not in love with each other and we're not married. There's nothing there, but I can guarantee any swarms of fangirls will be chased away with a bokken. Perhaps a katana." She shrugged. "Just leave him alone."

And this added threat and warning put ideas back in the minds of these pervert teenagers. Typical.

"I see," Black mumbled. The bell rang.

"Sayonara!" Shadow sang, grabbing her books and bolting for the door.

Science was more nagging. Take out your book, take out a paper, you'd better all have #2 pencils, your assignment for the class period is yadda-ya, your homework is ya-yadda-ya-ya-ya. Due tomorrow for a test grade.

Social studies passed uneventfully because Shadow was too busy plotting Tayama-sensei's death to wreak havoc in a history class.

And in language arts, well... Trouble abounds. Apparently Shadow was in a better mood. Maybe she'd come up with a way to murder Tayama and make it look like suicide, or at least shirk the blame onto another person... Whatever it was, when Sato-sensei came in the room, Shadow was sitting innocently in her proper seat with her hands folded on her desk.

"Our essay for today is 'Who do you look up to?' I want at least four sentences," the teacher said.

Shadow looked at her blank sheet of paper, at her pencil, then grinned and wrote, in very incomprehensible handwriting, "_Who do I look up to? Figuratively speaking or literally, by the definition of the words? 'Cause if we're talking about physical shortness, I look up to everybody except Eclipse and the new phys. ed. teacher, Hiei Jaganshi, who is a good friend of mine so I can call him whatever I want, thank you very much. Figuratively speaking, I look up to nobody because I. Am. Perfect. Perfect by every working definition, because I am wonderful in every way, shape, and form, and also superior to many, many pathetic little pions, like that one kid sitting over there picking his nose with his pencil, for example._"

Then she put down her pencil, leaned back in her chair, and sighed contentedly. The teacher, pacing around the room peering at papers, came over and picked up Shadow's. The first one done is always suspicious... Life is so unfair.

"Oh dear... Shadow-san, I think you need to rewrite this... You still have seven minutes left. That's pl-"

"Rewrite it! That's a perfectly fine essay! You can't mess with perfection! Do not insult my grapeness!"

Eclipse snorted. "Grapeness... Heh heh..."

"Shadow, really, do you honestly want to take a failing grade on this?" the teacher continued.

"You're _grading_ me on this! You can't flunk it! I used big words! And proper sentence structure and... and... all that jazz!"

"Perhaps you'd get a C, then..."

"You. Suck."

"Would you like a detention?"

"Not particularly, but if that's what you're gonna give me for expressing myself, I guess I have no choice."

Sato-sensei made some huffy noise and stomped over to her desk. She opened a drawer and pulled out a detention form, grabbed a pen, and started writing. Shadow watched her write every word with curious, calm interest. Everybody else was too busy gawking at Shadow to notice anything else. Except Kurama, who'd hidden his face behind his hands and wasn't about to move, it seemed.

"Take this to the office, Shadow," Sato said, walking huffily back over and holding the paper out to Shadow. "Your detention will be after school tomorrow. You will report back here."

"Okay!"

No sane human cheerfully agrees to detention. Even if its a good detention. They at least _try_ to _act_ dejected. Not Shadow. She stood up, took the slip, and walked out of the room with cheerful dignity. When she got out in the hall, she tore off running.

She went to the office first, gave them her slip, and they marked it in their computer and put it in a file cabinet. Then she walked out, went around the corner, and took off running again. Only, not towards Sato-sensei's classroom... Tsk.

-

"Hey _Sen-sei_," Hiroshi Nakada said mockingly. Hiei looked up from his roll call list with one eye, not even moving his head.

"What?"

"I want a rematch."

A ripple went through the group, mutters and whispers, but Hiei just laughed bitterly.

"That's funny, Nakada. Very amusing." Then he went on with roll call.

"Hey! Don't just brush me off!" Nakada snapped. "I'm serious! I want a rematch! Are you listening?"

"Nope."

"You dumb little freak! I want to know how you went from being a student a couple years ago to being teacher! You shouldn't even have graduated yet! You'd be in my grade!"

"Classified," Hiei replied coolly. That _had_ been the answer he and Kurama had agreed upon should that question arise. "And I suggest you don't insult me or I'll be doing a little worse than flipping you over on a padded gym floor."

"Is that a threat? You can't threaten students."

"It wasn't a threat, it was a promise."

Nakada moved his mouth soundlessly and Hiei smirked.

"Oh yeah? Well, I still want that rematch! Fair and square right here where everyone can watch!"

"You're kidding, aren't you?" Hiei asked, marking down the last name on his attendance sheet and finally looking up.

"Do I look like I'm kidding, man!"

"No, not really, but you teenagers are so strange sometimes, I can't ever really tell."

"Put down the mat or I'll fight you without it!"

Hiei sighed. "We aren't gonna do this every day, are we? Because I have been trained in martial arts by a master, and you have not. It's obvious who will win every time."

"No way, man. I don't care what raggedy old man thinks he taught you to kick ass, you're half my size and I'm not about to lose to somebody smaller than my girlfriend!"

The class watched with rapt attention. They knew Hiroshi Nakada for his bad-boy gangsta attitude, and they knew most teachers just wrote him up or ignored him (he skipped detentions anyway so what good would it do to write a detention?), but Hiei was new, and he _had_ flung him around a bit yesterday... Just a bit. And now Nakada was saying Hiei was smaller than his _girlfriend_. This could get interesting.

"Did you wonder why I moved so fast yesterday?" Hiei asked calmly. Nakada didn't say anything and the little demon continued. "Because I'm small. I'm light. Do you know why birds can fly, Nakada? Because their bones are hollow. They're small and very light, they can move fast and defy gravity."

"So what are you saying? That you're a bird?"

"Hardly, you fool. I'm saying that my small size is an advantage. A smaller target, moving at high velocities, makes it hard to hit. Is it easy to shoot a sparrow?"

"No."

"See what I'm saying?"

"No."

Hiei groaned. "That's because you're a fool. I'm saying that I'm perfectly happy with my size, and if I'm smaller than your imaginary girlfriend, I don't care. I may be physically small, but my mind is endless and my experience outweighs yours. A person like you would have to live a thousand years to experience HALF of everything I've been through. Therefore, I am superior, and you need to shut the fuck up."

Now everybody was gawking. Gawking at Hiei for swearing, gawking at Nakada for a reaction, and gawking at each other in disbelief that they had the fortune of having such an awesome _(hot)_ teacher.

"How... _dare_... you!"

In Nakada's mind, Hiei was still his age, still a stupid assistant teacher to a certain 16-year-old redhead who'd had the fortune of teaching biology for a month, still a stupid student who'd irritably gone to school for the majority of the year about two years ago. He was also half his size and an abnormal freak who wore black all the time and had red contacts. So Hiroshi Nakada had no problems being an insolent pest towards Hiei because he was a stupid fool who did not know better.

"I dare. I'm superior. I'm allowed."

And Nakada took a swing at Hiei. He dodged. Nakada continued swinging at him. Hiei was distantly aware of footsteps, running footsteps, in the hallway, but didn't think much of it until they came into the gym.

The class was surprised to see a black-clad girl come tearing across the gym floor, straight towards Nakada and Hiei, shouting "HIEIHIEIHIEIHIEIHIEIHIEI!". The human boy noticed too late and Shadow decked him. Hiei stared as Nakada fell.

"The bigger they are the harder they fall," he muttered. "What the hell are you doing here Shadow?"

"I got detention from my language arts teacher! Tomorrow after school! Second day! Do a dance!"

"That's not good, though, Shadow."

"Doesn't bother _me_. And besides, Yusuke never said I couldn't get in trouble.

The class was still gawking, even more so now than before. This girl just came rocketting into the gym, screaming the teacher's _first name_, and punched some kid in the face, then proceeded to cheerfully tell him she had detention. This was not normal school conduct. Not normal at all.

"You bitch!" Nakada snapped, getting up.

"Hey-hey, I remember you! You're that dumbass I pummeled whenever that was I helping teach biology! How cool's that?"

Nakada glared. "I'm turning you in for assault!"

"I'm turning you in for assault on a teacher, then," Shadow replied, grinning. "We've got a whole crapload of witnesses here, haven't we?"

Nakada continued glaring. Hiei smirked, but turned his head so Nakada couldn't see. Shadow snickered.

"Where are you supposed to be right now?" Hiei asked.

"Literature."

"Why aren't you?"

"Cuz I'm not. You see, there was a long line at the office and I had to wait forever before I could get in to give them my detention slip. Understand?"

"Ah yes. Those lines are something nasty, aren't they."

"Then I had to go to the bathroom and I got stopped by another teacher for not having a pass. Yes, Hiei, you stopped me in the hall and bit off my head for not having a pass, and I had to argue with you and then plead for my life when I pissed you off. Do you see what I'm saying?"

"That you're a liar and an excuse-maker? Yes, I see what you're saying."

"I'm glad we understand each other. And perhaps the principal wanted to talk to me as well."

"You fully intend to stay here all period, don't you?"

"Yes I do."

"You know my class will be pissed and so will yours when the rumors start flying around."

"I care not, good friend Hiei."

"Well I'm glad you don't care, pupil Shadow."

"I have pupils. They're in my eyes." She pointed at them.

"Yes, most people do..."

"Hey Jaganshi-sensei..." one kid ventured suddenly. Hiei looked at him, one eyebrow raised. "Somebody told me you're a swords master. Is that true?"

"I told you I'm a martial arts master, didn't I?"

"You told them what, Hiei?" Shadow said with mock dissapproval.

"I told them that I'm a martial artist and I've saved the world on countless occasions from strange, mutant, ugly creatures with inhuman powers, and that I'm also one of those misformed monsters and I like to kill and burn and had plots to take over your world for a long time through my mistreated life. What did you think I told them?"

"That you like eating the souls of small children with a bowl of ramen noodles."

"Yes, well, that's beside the point..."

The entire class continued staring, gawking, and forming opinions in their minds. Perhaps their awesome _(hot)_ new teacher was actually a bit on the insane side, d'ya think?

"Okay, class!" Hiei said, clapping his hands together. "You're gonna have to start bringing your gym uniforms next week, but for now, you can do whatever you want. Go to it."

He then walked over to the bleachers, gave Shadow a boost (the whole 'ningen girl' thing...), and climbed up them himself. Eventually everyone started moving, some people settled around the walls to do homework, others played some sort of game with a ball. And still others sat and pelted Hiei and Shadow with balls of paper, just to see if they could catch them.

It startled Shadow when the bell rang and she was still in the gym.

"Oooops," she said, grinning. "Hope Kurama picks up my junk from my desk and brings it to lunch, cuz I'm not going up there..."

Hiei just smiled. "You're in trouble tomorrow, you know. I bet your teacher sent somebody to the office and knows you weren't there."

"Eeeewwps."

"Yeah, I'm sure." Hiei dropped from the bleachers. "Off to lunch, then, is it?"

"Yep." Shadow jumped down from the bleachers on her own, since nobody was around.

Upon arriving in the lunch room (at the same exact moment as Hiei, to boot), Shadow was pounced upon by the majority of her literature class, and some of the previous period's gym class.

"Where were you?"

"Did you get suspended?"

"Were you kicked out?"

"Did Yamashita tie you to the wall and beat you?"

"Did Yamashita tie you to his desk and rape you?"

"Did you get it on with Jaganshi-sensei?"

Shadow, buried under the interrogating mass of humans, let out a pitiful cry like that of a tortured animal-a high-pitched pained wail of sorrow that eventually formed into the words, "Get off me, go away" and was repeated over and over until the entire cafeteria was staring at her and the ring of students who had separated themselves from her the instant the cry had started. When she continued bawling, Hiei grabbed her ponytail and dragged her out of the cafeteria. Her crying subsided instantly into short, repeated "Ow, ow, ow."

Once in the hall, away from the prying eyes, Hiei pulled her to her feet and pinned her against the wall.

"What the hell was that?"

"The cry of a wounded animal before its pathetic and gory decease. Don't hurt me."

"I should. But I won't."

"Thank you."

Hiei let go of her and walked back to the doorway, stopping dead as he nearly ran into Kurama and Eclipse.

"Where the hell did you go?" Eclipse snarled, sliding past Kurama and glaring at Shadow.

"My lord and master was calling to me."

"I was doing no such thing!" Hiei snapped. Then he blinked. Oops. That sounded wrong when he didn't deny the whole 'master' thing...

"You're her lord and master!" Eclipse yelped. "What's she, some kind of sex slave?"

Hiei's eyes widened, but Shadow answered.

"Oh, yes, of course, Eclipse," she said in a purring, sultry voice, slinking up to Hiei and putting her arms around him from behind. "We have mad, passionate sex _every... single... night..._" She was pressed very close to Hiei, and his eyes were only slightly wide with nervous uncertainty. This girl was unpredictable and psychotic, and for all he knew, any second she'd spin him around and start kissing him passionately-though he hoped she had more sense than to do that in school. But she didn't. Instead, she started imitating the high-pitched moans of a girl during sex.

_I think I would have preferred kissing_, Hiei thought frantically as he tried to get away. Eclipse and Kurama stared in absolute disgusted horror.

"Hiei..." Kurama muttered. "What's she-"

"She's lying, I swear to God she's lying and I've never had sex with her in my life!" Hiei yelped, prying the girl's arms away and lunging over to hide behind Kurama. Shadow stopped instantly, a childish innocence coming onto her face, before she grinned devilishly and burst out laughing.

"I love you guys, you're so easy to torment." Then she added in her lower, seductive voice, "Especially _you_, Hiei... Sexy beast."

"Eep..." came the frightened squeak from behind Kurama. Shadow exploded into loud and uncontrollable laughter, and they knew they would never shut her up, so they just steered her into the cafeteria and hoped she would act as a ward to keep people away. It worked. Except for one persistantly stupid son of a bitch who went by the name of Hiroshi Nakada.

This kid walked right over to the table and looked down at them all: Hiei, still traumatized. Kurama, who looked back with indifference. Eclipse, who was chewing determinedly at some odd bit of school food that was probably made of rubber. Then at Shadow, who continued laughing even though she knew he was staring, that everybody in a ten-foot vicinity had moved, that whatever was so funny had happened five or ten minutes ago, and that she would soon run out of oxygen if she didn't breathe normal breaths like human lungs are meant to.

"Well look, it's the Loser Squad. How's it goin' losers?"

Shadow continued laughing; Hiei's fear had dissolved into hatred which he quickly took out on Hiroshi.

"If you don't shut the fuck up and go away right now I will beat the living shit out of you before you can blink, and that's an on-my-honor promise."

"You'd really be best off leaving, Hiroshi," Kurama told him kindly.

"Yeah, beat it," Eclipse said, spitting a few grains of rice out as she talked. Hiroshi glared, but the three pairs of abnormally vibrant eyes glaring back at him sent him striding away with his tail between his legs (but he still walked like he owned the world. I hate people who walk like that). Shadow stopped laughing as he walked past her and she stuck out her leg. He tripped and hit the floor face-first.

"D'ja have a nice trip? See ya next fall!" she sang, then burst into fits of laughter at her own joke.

"That's it! I'll see you after school!" Nakada snarled.

"Yeah, you probably will. We live in the same city, after all..." Shadow said. Her laughter had stopped, but she was still grinning and her voice was nothing but amused arroganc (if there is such a thing, but this is Shadow we're talking about).

"You know what I mean, stupid girl!"

"Oh? Was there some hidden meaning that I didn't quite catch?"

"I'll make it nice and clear, then," Nakada growled. "After school today, I want you to meet me in the parking lot out back. We'll settle this, and after I beat you, I'll beat your precious Hiei into dust!"

Shadow laughed. "Oh, THAT'S what you meant! You're a funny guy, Hiroshi! I'll be there, don't fret. Now if you'd pardon me, I believe you interrupted something..." She thought for a second, then chirped, "Oh yeah!" and burst into fits of hysterical laughter once more. Hiroshi glared and pushed his way through the crowd that had gathered (mostly people from Shadow's literature class and Hiroshi's gym class, but various others were mixed in too).

"Wow, he just challenged Jaganshi-sensei to a fight!"

"Indirectly."

"And he threatened a _girl_! What a coward!"

"That girl _needs_ threatened."

"So what are you gonna do, Jaganshi-sensei?"

"He's gonna beat him up, of course! You saw him yesterday!"

These questions and babbles and comments continued until Shadow finally cut off her hysterical laughter quite abruptly and stood up. Everyone silenced instantly and stared.

"Uh-oh."

"I would like to address you, my fellow students! I have just been challenged to a battle with one of the biggest bullies in Mieou High! Let me tell you something, though! Bullies are almost always weak little pansies who will run home to their mommies when somebody stands up to them! Nakada doesn't expect me to show up in the **PARKING LOT OF DEATH**,but I will, because I, rather than being a bully, am a liberator of the weak! A soldier of love! A simple peasant trying to find her way in the world! I defend those who cannot defend themselves! I chase the elusive mayfly known as love! This world is made of love and peace!" She jumped up on the chair and made a peace sign. "Repeat after me! This world is made of love and peace! Love and peace! Love and peace!" She continued chanting until Hiei clamped his hand over her mouth and Kurama helped him tote her away. They carried her out and stuffed her into a janitor's closet, locked it, and hurried away, ignoring her pounding and shouting.

**Later...**

"Hey, what's that...?" Ryu questioned suddenly.

"What's what?" Kurama replied, looking around.

"That noise."

Kurama blinked. Oh yes. _That_ noise.

"I don't know. C'mon, we'll be late for Health."

"You go on, I'm gonna check it out.When you're a prankster and somebody's been locked in a janitor's closet by somebody other than you, you wanna investigate." With a devilish grin, Ryu turned away from Kurama and Eclipse and walked towards closet door. Kurama led Eclipse along by her arm, practically running.

"Come along, Eclipse..." he muttered.

"Why didn't a janitor notice her yet?"

"I don't know!"

They slipped into the Health room just as Ryu Obake opened the door and a psychotic rabid half-demon girl came toppling out into his arms.

"HOW DARE Y- Oh. Hey Ryu!"

"Shadow!"

"Shadow is my name, revenge is my game. Where am I supposed to be right now?"

"On your way to Health..."

"Thanks a billion." She kissed him on the cheek and took off running down the hall. He was dazed, then...

"Hey, wait up, Shadow!" He went after her, pushing people aside as he went, and he still only just got into the classroom before the bell. When he came running in the door, he was met with an interesting sight.

Shadow had Kurama (Shuuichi, in Ryu's mind) pinned to the ground, holding his wrists to the ground above his head, straddling his waist. Everyone in the class was staring. Luckily, the teacher wasn't in the room yet. The abnormal girl was growling like an angry dog at the cowering redhead.

"You locked me in a janitor's closet," she snarled.

"I'm sorry!" Kurama squeaked.

"You had better hope you're sorry, fox, because it'd be really terrible if you weren't. I'm afraid I'd have to hurt you. And Hiei had better hope _he_'s sorry too, because I _will_ hurt him."

Ryu didn't notice Etsuko-sensei enter the room behind him. He was too busy staring, one eye twitching. He knew Shuuichi Minamino had changed over the past two years, but he thought surely everybody in the entire school respected the boy enough not to do... this. Especially girls. Those who had the guts to go near him went that close to try to get a date, or just to hear his voice speak their name, but never to tackle him to the floor and threaten him... And... Even if they did, he'd regard them with anything but fear.

_Then again, that girl is something different... The way she stood up to Hiroshi Nakada at lunch... And how she openly defies the uniform rule... She's different, that's for sure._

"As much as I enjoy your open display of sexual attraction in my class," Etsuko-sensei said in an honest voice, making everyone jump, "perhaps you should save it for when we're learning about reproduction. We have to learn about proper relationships first, and that's what we'll start today."

"Aw, but Etsuko-sensei, I want to make mad passionate love to Shuuichi on the floor of your classroom with twenty other people watching!" Shadow whined. The sarcasm was obvious but Etsuko didn't get it.

"That's understandable, young lady. At your age, hormones are raging and your lust for sex is strong! I remember when I was your age! Oh, teenage years are wonderful! You're at the prime of your maturity with so many possibilities to explore!"

Shadow gagged and let Kurama up. He pulled her to her feet and they went to their seats and sat through the teacher's five-minute rant about love before class started.

"So today we'll be starting our short chapter on abusive relationships! Does anybody want to tell me what they think an abusive relationship _is_?"

One girl raised her hand and Etsuko nodded at her. "It's when your boyfriend forces you to do things you don't want to because if you don't he says he won't love you anymore."

"Okay... Any other ideas?" Nobody raised their hands. "Does anybody in here know anyone who has been in an abusive relationship, or has anyone here been in one?"

Shadow's hand flew up. "I was!"

Kurama, Eclipse, and Ryu all stared at her.

"You was?" Eclipse said cluelessly.

"With Jaganshi-sensei?" another kid said at the same time.

"With Shuuichi?" a third said (also simultaneously).

Shadow blinked. "Nooo... I'm not gonna say who with, but it sucked."

"Would you like to tell us the characteristics?" Etsuko asked. "Or, is it too hard for you to talk about it?"

"It'd only be hard if the dude came back from the dead. When I eventually ran away from him, I think he killed himself."

"Oh, dear!"

"Yes, absolutely heartrending," Shadow said dryly, standing next to her seat with her arms crossed. "Anyways, see, when you're in a abusive relationship, the guy, though it could be the girl, forces you to do things you don't wanna do, and he says that if you don't, he won't love you or take care of you anymore or whatever. He won't let you hang out with friends because he's worried you'll cheat on him or run away and tell the authorities he's been beating you into submission. And, like, when you make him mad, he'll hit you and fling you down the stairs and then he'll be like, 'Oh my god I'm so sorry, tell the doctor you tripped!' And you have to agree and be all like, 'Of course, dear beloved Lord and Master, I'll tell them that stupid little clumsy pansy me tripped for the third time this week and broke yet another rib and got this suspicious black eye and cut on my face from the carpet on those rabid man-eating stairs, let me tell you about it!' Only if you were that sarcastic he'd probably give you a good wallop upside the head again and then you'd be unconscious or bawling uncontrollably and he'd be like, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, now you've probably got a concussion, and now _I'll_ have to lie to the doctor, oh well at least I won't have to worry about you being honest. Perhaps you won't remember anything and I can tell you you're my loving little pet who happily fucks me passionately any time of the day and since you don't remember otherwise, you'll believe me!' And then, when you wake up and remember everything, he gets pissed again and rapes you. Then you're not a virgin anymore and don't have to worry about vampires and dragons." She nodded matter-of-factly and sat down again.

"Oh dear... Did all that really happen to you?" Etsuko asked finally.

"Oh, no. I'm still a virgin, what with my raging hormones and all, you know. My sexual desires are yet to be fulfilled and all that jazz."

"I know somebody who could fulfill them," Eclipse whispered, snickering. Shadow looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Hint: He just walked down the hall," Kurama said, "so it's not Youko."

Disregarding rules, like she oh-so-much enjoys to do (Etsuko was too upset to notice anyway), Shadow jumped out of her seat and ran to the door, flung it open, and leaned out just in time to see a certain demon friend of hers vanish around the corner.

"Ew, Fox!" the girl shouted, spinning around and throwing the pencil sharpener cover at Kurama (it was on the wall, so it was the nearest relatively-harmless-yet-dangerous-in-the-hands-of-Shadow object). He ducked and pencil shavings went all over everything in the room. Hiei, who'd heard her yell and came back around the corner, peeked into the room past Shadow.

"Having fun?" he asked her as the class went ballistic to get the pencil shavings out of their eyes.

"Kurama and Eclipse just told me you can fulfill my sexual desires. Would you like to?" she asked curiously.

"Maybe later," Hiei replied with dry sarcasm that made him sound serious to anyone who didn't know better.

"Oh, goodie!" She clapped her hands together (sarcastically). "What fun!"

"Yes, I'm sure it will be. Look, I need to get back to my class and it seems yours is having some personal issues to work out, so I'll be going."

"G'bye, Hiei." He left and she shut the door, skipped back over to her seat, and sat down. Kurama didn't say anything, but Eclipse stared.

"What's got you so cheerful?"

"Hiei said he would fulfill my sexual desires later tonight! Isn't that marvelous?"

Eclipse gagged and Shadow laughed.

"I wish I could have the past ten minutes of my life back," Kurama sighed. "Just ten minutes, that's all I ask."

Shadow pulled a folded envelope out of her pocket, still chuckling, and ripped a piece of lined paper into ten pieces. She wrote 'minute' on each one, stuffed them into the envelope, addressed it to Kurama, and handed it to him. He sighed and stuffed it in a folder.

"Thanks, Shadow. You've made a difference in my life," he said dryly.

"You're welcome, and I'm glad I so greatly impacted your very important life, Master Fox," she said, jumping to her feet and bowing low. Kurama snorted.

"I was being sarcastic."

"I knew that," she said coldly. "You spoil my fun, you dumb child."

Now the redhead snorted with laughter. "I'm being called a child by YOU?"

"Yes you are."

But finally, Etsuko-sensei had gotten ahold of her emotions and was called the class's attention. When they'd all settled down, she spoke to Shadow.

"I'm very sorry to hear about such a terrible relationship in your past..."

"I lived through it, didn't I? And my mind and soul and heart and body are all still pure, right? And I've moved on with my life and am not dwelling on it, true? SO! Don't waste your pity on Shadow, 'cause from what I understand her heart shriveled up and she sneezed it out one day." She rapped her knuckles on her chest and it made a hollow sound.

"You know you just referred to yourself in third person, right?" Kurama muttered, leaning over to her.

"Did I? Sheet. Now they're gonna suspect that I suffered more mental damage from that relationship than I let on."

"When was this 'relationship' anyway? With who?"

"This is neither the time nor place to discuss it," she replied. "And you are not the person to discuss it _with_." Kurama sighed.

"So in other words it's none of my business, is that what you're saying?"

"In more words, yes."

"Okay."

"Maybe you can discuss it with Hiei while he's fulfilling your sexual desire tonight," Eclipse said.

"Desi-**_ers_**, and that is neither the time nor place to discuss it either," Shadow replied easily. Eclipse made a face.

"Are you really gonna do that stuff?"

"Oh, yes! Of course! Did you think I was joking?" she replied matter-of-factly.

"Y- Um, well, not really. But that's just nasty, and I'm having horrid IMAGES! EW! GET THEM OUT!" She proceeded to beat herself over the head with a book.

See the advantages of sitting in the very back of the room? Extraneous conversations leading to your good friends knocking themselves senseless over a joke. Ryu, who was sitting only one row in front of them, heard every word of it. He turned around.

"Isn't Hiei the phys ed teacher?" he asked.

Shadow nodded. Ryu raised an eyebrow.

"I see... And you and him are lovers?"

"Oh, no, I'm just saying that to freak these guys out," Shadow chirped, gesturing to the two next to her.

"Is that so..."

"Hai, it is so."

"I'll have to ask him about it, then."

"Him? Who him? Hiei? Feel free. Wanna know why I wasn't in literature class?"

"You weren't? I'm not in that class with you."

"Oh, that's right. Well, I wasn't, because I got detention, took the slip to the office, and made a side trip to the gym, where I sat on the bleachers talking to Hiei the entire rest of the class period."

Ryu raised his eyebrow again. "Your teacher let you do that?"

"No."

"_Hiei_ let you do that?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"He has no respect for authority, and if I wanna get in trouble, it's my problem. See his reasoning? Isn't it marvelous?"

"I guess so..."

Shadow grinned, and continued grinning for the remainder of the period, deaf to Etsuko's voice. And when the bell rang, she literally vanished. The door banged against the wall as she flung it open and tore down the hall. Kurama sighed.

The girl was in the gym ten seconds later (traffic in the hall), and she ran across the floor and vaulted up onto the bleachers without any effort at all. Only, Hiei wasn't there. Blinking, she spun around and surveyed the entire gym. No Hiei.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" she called.

"Look up."

She obeyed The Voice From Above! and saw Hiei sitting on a pipe in the high ceiling. Such pipes crossed this way and that, ventilation and water and there were lights and such up there, and he was barely noticeable. He put one finger on his lips in the universal 'be quiet' sign and pointed to the gym floor. She grinned and jumped off the bleachers, sat dead center in the middle of the floor, closed her eyes, and mocked meditation.

When kids started coming into the gym in their little groups, they all carefully avoided Shadow, until Kurama, Eclipse, and Ryu came in. They walked straight over to her and Kurama clubbed her upside the head.

"Ow!" she yelped, falling over and staring up into the bright lights. "OH! I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT!"

"Where's Hiei?" the fox asked. Shadow shrugged.

"He goes where he pleases... He's probably... Someplace. Not in the bleachers, though. That'd be too easy. Never in the same place two days in a row. Never. Nope... Find him on your own. My assistance is never required. I'm a pansy incompetant girl. Find Hiei. THAT IS YOUR MISSION FROM GOD!"

Then she got up and went skipping away.

"Where are you going!"

"Weight room!" And she vanished. Kurama sighed and cast his eyes around for Hiei. Of course, if he was in the gym, he wouldn't be in plain sight. If he was in the gym.

"So how are we supposed to find him?" Ryu asked.

"Magic!" Shadow sang, appearing in the doorway of the weight room for just long enough to shout that, then she vanished again. Kurama blinked. She was wearing something totally different from what she'd been wearing two seconds ago. Then he remembered her random abilities of doom or whatever she called them, and went to the door of the weight room.

"Shadow, stop showing off."

"I'm not showing off," she said, running on a treadmill in a tight tank top and short shorts.

"Where's Hiei?"

"Find him yourself."

"He better not be anywhere conspicuous."

"Depends on your definition."

"Anywhere a normal human couldn't reach easily."

"He's not normal."

"He's supposed to be."

"He's a martial artist."

"They're still human."

"He's a master of swordplay."

"That's got nothing to do with it."

"Sure it does."

"How?"

"Dunno."

"Where is he?"

"Right behind you." She grinned. Kurama spun.

"Hey, fox," Hiei said, also grinning.

"Where were you!"

"Nobody saw me but Shadow, so it doesn't matter where I was. Far as they know, I was out in the hall."

"But you weren't."

"No."

"Where were you?"

"Up."

"Up?"

"Yes."

Kurama stepped back into the main gym and stared up. "You were up..."

"Up there. Yes."

"You're human, Hiei. From the time you leave your house in the morning to the time you walk back in the door at night, you're human."

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"That's 'Master Fox' to you, young man," Shadow said. Hiei snorted.

"Hey, why do you call him 'fox'?" Ryu was now standing behind the other two with Eclipse.

"Pet name," Shadow said. "Long story."

"Okay. And why don't you wear the school uniform?"

"Because I refuse to conform to the accepted normality."

"I see. What would you do if I tripped you right now?"

"Die."

"Really?" Eclipse piped up excitedly. "Honestly?"

"Uh-huh."

The other girl tried to run forward, but Hiei threw his arm out and stopped her.

"No murder in my class, please. I don't want to have to clean it up."

"I'll clean it up! Honest!" Eclipse chirped. Hiei thought for a second, then shrugged and dropped his arm.

"Okay."

"Alright!" Eclipse ran over to Shadow and tried to trip her, but the black-haired girl hit the emergency stop button on her machine and jumped off.

"Hey, wanna race?"

"Race?"

"Yes. Get on that machine, I'll be on this one, see how fast you can go before falling on your face and being sucked into the mechanics and having your body flatted and cut and torn apart!"

"Okay! You're on, slowpoke!" Eclipse jumped on the machine next to Shadow's and both started theirs and took off running.

Hiei groaned. "Slow."

"That's not slow!" Ryu objected. "That's like, marathon runner pace!"

"Faster, probably," Kurama noted, kicking Hiei subtly in the back of the leg.

"Ow, shit... Fine, so they're fast. Shadow will win."

"You know, you're kinda rejecting your class," Kurama muttered.

"Oh well. Tell them they have free time. That's what all my other classes did."

"Alright..."

Eventually, Eclipse stumbled and had to hit emergency stop and Shadow just kept on truckin (I hate that term) until the bell rang. She slammed her hand down on the stop button and looked at the stats.

"I just ran over ten miles in slightly under an hour," she said, panting and covered in sweat.

"Poor."

"Shut up, shrimp! I'm only _human_, remember?"

"Oh, yes. A pansy human girl. Forgot."

Shadow ran across the room as if to tackle him and found herself pinned to the ground before she realized it.

"Have mercy," Kurama advised, grinning. Then he left. Eclipse continued standing there. Kurama looked back.

"What are you doing, Eclipse?"

"Making sure they don't start making out or something."

"They won't."

Hiei sighed. "You people spoil my fun. I just wanted to torture her and you have to start thinking like a couple perverts..." He got up and Shadow followed suit. Ryu came back and looked at them curiously.

"So... I have a question, Hiei."

Hiei raised his eyebrow at the boy's improper respect. "From what I understand, you don't address teachers by their first name. However, I really don't care, and besides, it's technically after school, so go ahead."

"Are you and Shadow um..."

"Lovers? No."

"She said you were."

"I was joking!"

"Didn't sound like it."

"I have a very twisted sense of humor."

"Okay..."

"Is that answer satisfactory?" Hiei asked. "Or would you prefer that we _were_ lovers? Wouldn't that make for some interesting rumors."

"Oh, rumors are already gonna be flying as soon as a single girl with something against either of you sees any display of affection," Kurama assured him.

"Really? You mean like your fan club, who hates me oh-so-much?" Shadow said excitedly.

"Yes."

"Isn't that something common on TV, though? A student having an affair with her teacher?" Eclipse asked.

"Actually, yes," Shadow replied. "But we aren't on TV. _Or are we?_" Her eyes flicked around them as somewhere, a suspenseful chord was struck.

"I don't think so." Resume school sounds, no more creepy suspense.

"But that doesn't mean it doesn't happen in the real world. Or _does it?_" Suspenseful chord again.

"What are you trying to get at?" Ryu asked.

"I have a plan!" Shadow said cheerfully. "It will work! Or _wi-_"

"Shut the fuck up already!" Eclipse snapped. Shadow pouted.

"I don't like you."

"What's your plan?" Hiei asked.

"I want to ruin our reputation! Let's make the entire school think we're lovers!"

Hiei's eye twitched. "Why in the hell would I want the entire school to think I'm in love with something like you?"

"Because it's true?"

Hiei snorted. Shadow glared.

"Because it's better than somebody spreading rumors that you and Kurama are lovers!"

"Where the hell would they get that idea!" Hiei yelped.

"Ummmmmm... Eclipse!"

"What about me?" the girl said cluelessly. She hadn't been listening, obviously.

"You! How dare you spread rumors that Hiei and Kurama are gay together!"

"Who's Kurama?" Ryu asked. He was ignored.

"I did not!"

"Well that's what everybody else is gonna say when ther rumors start flying."

Hiei reached out and grabbed both Eclipse and Shadow by the collars of their shirts and pulled them towards him. "If either of you spreads any sort of rumor that has anything to do with me loving anyone, I will kill you both." He let go and they fell over.

"That's cruel and unusual, Hiei, it really is."

"Who's Kurama?" Ryu repeated.

"Nobody, kid," Hiei said. "Absolutely nobody. C'mon Shadow, we're going home."

"No! You want to kill me!"

"Only if you spread rumors. Are you gonna spread rumors?"

"Uhhh..."

"_Are you?_" He glared at her and she knelt and bowed down until her forehead touched the floor.

"No, of course not, dear beloved Lord and Master!"

Ryu blinked. "Y'know, something about this reminds me of the abusive relationship description you gave in Health, Shadow."

"What about it?" she asked quickly, turning her head around to look up at him.

"You're bowing and calling him 'dear beloved lord and master' and he's threatening you and-"

"Well I suppose it _would_ be an abusive relationship, then... _If we were in a relationship!_" Hiei snapped.

"Right! That's the one little problem with it," Shadow said. She suddenly jumped up and wrapped her arms and legs around Hiei's right leg and nuzzled her head against him. "But if we ever were in a real relationship, he would never hurt me intentionally! Because he's a really a little sweetheart!"

Hiei turned slightly pink and tried to get her off, but it didn't work very well, and he ended up falling over as he tried to walk away. The second his back hit the floor, Shadow scurried up and straddled him, looking down at him with a grin.

"Hello," she said.

"Erm..."

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"

Shadow's entire body tensed up and she looked over her shoulder at...

"YAMASHITA-SENSEI! How nice to see you!" she squealed, jumping up. "Jaganshi-sensei and I were just doing a little martial arts demonstration, that's all!"

"Yeah, well you'd better quit it. I need to talk to you, Jaganshi."

"Me?" Hiei said. Yamashita glared. "Yes, of course me, stupid fool..." He followed the principal out of the gym.

"Oh God that was close!" Shadow said, her hand on her pounding heart.

"Why the hell would you want to spread rumors that would ruin your reputation?" Kurama asked incredulously.

"For the hell if it," she replied, shrugging. Then she blinked. "Oh, shoot! Hiei and I are both supposed to be in the parking lot. Ja mata." She took off running again and tore out the nearest door. She was only a little startled to see that a whole crapload of kids were gathered in the parking lot. Hiroshi was standing in the middle of the lot with his arms crossed.

"Never fear, I am here," she cried, stopping dead about three feet in front of Hiroshi. Kurama, Ryu, and Eclipse came up and joined the ring of students a moment later.

"Where's your stupid friend?"

"Talking to the principal. He is a teacher, after all."

"What took you so long?"

"I forgot. But now I'm here and I'm ready to kick your butt fair and square in front of all these people."

"Ha! That's funny, because I'm gonna be the one whose whoopin' _you_! Ready, little girl?"

"You go first."

Hiroshi smirked. "If you're eager to lose, fine." He lunged. She dodged and kicked him. The crowd "ooooh!"-ed.

"Aren't you concerned, even a little bit?" Ryu asked Kurama. He shook his head.

"Not in the least. Shadow beat him up a year or so ago, and she sure hasn't gotten any _weaker_ since then. Not the way she is."

The crowd let out another 'ooooooh' as Shadow dodged a punch, spun, and flipped him over her shoulder by his arm. He landed with an 'oof' on the pavement. When he got up, he drew out a knife from his pocket.

"What? How fair is that!" Ryu shouted. "You coward! Not only are you fighting a girl-"

"And getting your ass whooped," Kurama muttered under his breath.

"-but now you're drawing a knife!"

"You know she's toying with him, right?" Eclipse said, rather loudly. "Had she wanted to, she could have beat him in two seconds flat. Literally. One hit. She's just waiting until Hiei gets here."

"She doesn't have to wait anymore," Hiei said from beside her, making her jump.

"Don't do that!"

"What? I've been standing here for two minutes."

"No you haven't!"

"Perhaps."

"You haven't."

"Whatever." Hiei stepped out of the ring and darted into the middle of the fight, catching Hiroshi's wrist just as Shadow dropped and swung her leg up... Right into the bully's groin.

"Hey, Hiei! Took you long enough to show," she said cheerfully, getting up as Hiei dropped Nakada's twitching body onto the pavement.

"Yamashita wanted to reprimand me on my offensive language earlier today. Apparently some pansy reported it."

"Pansy."

"That's what I just said."

"So what'd you tell him?"

"That I have no idea what he's talking about."

"Good show!"

"Show isn't over," Nakada growled. He dragged himself away as the rest of his little gang of bullies emerged from the ring of students.

"Idiots never know when to give up," Shadow sighed, taking a defensive stance.

"Violence is the last refuge for the incompetant," Hiei said with a 'what can you expect?' tone. He continued standing, totally relaxed and unconcerned.

"Oh? What room do you have to say that?"

"I have a lot of room, thank you!"

"Hey! Are you gonna fight us?" Hiroshi's thugs snapped.

"Yes, stupid! Nevermind that it's two unarmed people, one being a scrawny weak female, against seven armed punks twice our size. I call that fair, don't you, Hiei?"

"If you can scrounge up any more fat brainless thugs, Hiroshi, I suggest you do it," Hiei said. "Your guys are already overpowered."

"That's funny," Hiroshi snapped. "That's not how I see it."

"Well you don't know us very well, do you?" Shadow replied, sneering. "Sure you won't get more of your guys?"

"Fine! You want to take them all on? Go ahead!" And six more thugs stepped forward with their knives.

Unnoticed to Kurama, Eclipse, and Ryu, the circle of students had moved back a considerable distance to get themselves out of the line of danger, and now those three were inside the circle as well.

"Thirteen against two? That's more like it," Hiei said, grinning.

"You idiots!" Kurama snapped, walking up to Hiei and Shadow. "What are you doing? You're making a spectacle!"

"You just answered your own question. That's a sign of insanity," Shadow said. She put her hand on his forehead, turning her back on all thirteen thugs. "Are you feeling well?"

"I'm feeling fine, except that you're making a spectacle and- Hiei, you should be even more ashamed of yourself!"

"What? I'm just catering to his stupidity," Hiei replied, also turning his back.

Kurama sighed. Then he said dryly, "Look out behind you."

Without a second's hesitation, Hiei and Shadow spun in unison and punched the charging kid right in the eyes.

"Bull's eye!" Shadow cheered.

"Literally," Hiei added, grinning. "Who's next?"

The other twelve all charged at once and the fire demons were startled when Eclipse launched herself _over_ their heads and kicked one of the boys squarely in the face, sent him flying backwards, then landed easily, taking on the next person who came near.

Kurama's eye was twitching. Ryu came up next to him and his eye twitched in unison.

"Anything you wanna tell me, Shuuichi?"

"Tell you? Like what?"

"Like that maybe you and your friends are all undercover government agents or something and you've been trained by the best masters of martial arts alive?"

Kurama chuckled despite his annoyance at the others. "No, nothing like that."

"Then what's the deal with those three?"

"Hiei was trained, and the girls are his students. How's that?"

"I'll buy that, even though I feel like it's not the truth. At this point I don't really want to know the truth. But one more question: Are you some psycho martial arts genius too?"

"Do I look like-" Kurama dodged a punch from one of the stupid thugs. "What do you want? I'm not involved in this fight."

"Do you know how much people will respect me if I beat up the great Shuuichi Minamino?"

Ryu laughed. "Not much! People worship this guy for his brain, not his brawn! We're not even sure he has any brawn."

The thug laughed. "Whatever."

Kurama blocked the kid's punch, caught his right wrist as his hand came towards him with a knife, and pinched the tendon. The knife fell to the ground; Kurama pulled his fist back and punched the boy right in the face.

"Nice one, fox!" Shadow chirped, dancing over (literally) and jumping up onto the thug's fat stomach. She stood there lightly, and it seemed like she wasn't even there, then she abruptly jumped up and came down hard on the boy's gut. He gagged and she jumped away as he rolled over and threw up.

"You're a freaky martial arts guy too, aren't you," Ryu said. A statement, not a question. Kurama shook his head.

"No... Well... Yes... As much so as those other three, at least... And now the entire school will know we're all violent psychos by tomorrow morning and we'll have to skip..."

"Rumors will fly," Shadow sighed. "People will die... I'll make a pie." She paused, then smiled, dusting her hands together. "My work here is done. Come on, Hiei."

The ring of students suddenly pressed in closer and five of them were being cheered for.

"Yes, let's go!" Hiei yelped. He pushed through the people and Shadow, Kurama, Eclipse, and Ryu followed, running down the street away from the mob of cheering teens.

"Escape from the Cheering Teens! It can be a new SciFi channel movie! Do you think it'll make money, Hiei?" Shadow asked, speeding up a bit to run next to him.

"Ha! That'd be a laugh."

"Escape from the Undead Teens! How's that one?"

"How about Escape from Shadow and her Cheese?" Eclipse suggested.

"That would be good too! Hey, wait, no it wouldn't! That's mean!"

"No it's not."

"Shut up!"

Kurama slowed a bit and ran next to Ryu. "Are you actually intending to come to Shadow's house?"

"Why not? I've got no where else to go at the moment, and I want to know what you weird martial arts peoples' deals are!"

"I see."

"Is it really necessary we keep running? I think we left them behind. They aren't even following us."

"Yes they are! They're all around us! Closing in! Run faster!" Shadow wailed. She sped up until Hiei caught her shirt and stopped dead. She was choked and fell over backwards against him.

"There aren't any psychotic undead cheering teenagers chasing after us," he said. "I would have noticed."

"But you can't sense the undead! They're _undead!_"

Hiei groaned. "You're stupid. Write a book."

"Okay, I will! Hmph!" She crossed her arms.

"Let's go."

"Okay!" She skipped down the street. Hiei let her go.

When they finally arrived back at Shadow's house, they went inside and found an elaborate meal for five laid out: Ramen.

"Ramen, ramen, I like ramen!" Shadow, sitting at the table, was stirring the noodles in her bowl with her finger. "Swirly ramen, swirly ramen, swirl ramen swirl!"

"Dig in," Hiei said, sitting next to Shadow and gesturing for Ryu to sit across from him. He did, and started eating the noodles. Shadow stared at hers for a minute before picking up the bowl and tipping the entire thing into her mouth.

"MMmm, wahmen," she said. Then she swallowed it all and smiled. "So, Ryu, how do you like my humble abode?"

"It's... big," he muttered. "Just you two live here?"

"I own it, Hiei lives here, and there's four others who camp here for weeks at a time, pretty often... You're sitting between two of them. I should start charging admission."

"You wouldn't do that," Eclipse said, wiping broth off her chin. "You love us too much."

"I don't love. Well, perhaps I wouldn't charge Kurama, but you and Yusuke and Kuwabara... Give me money, now!"

"Wait... So _you're_ Kurama!" Ryu said, pointing at the boy beside him. "Why do you have all these nicknames!"

"Because I'm weird."

"Because he's an undercover FBI agent! He's come to steal my rameny secrets!" Shadow grabbed her empty bowl and clutched it to her chest. "He will not get you, my precious... We will not lets him..." She hissed like a cat and ran out of the room with an odd slow galloping gait. Ryu stared.

"Ignore her, she's weird," Hiei said. "None of us are undercover FBI agents come to steal any secret ramen whatever the hell she said. We're just..."

"Normal people living normal lives in normal houses with normal families in normal Japan!" Eclipse finished. "Lots of normality in there, you note."

"Shadow said she owns the house... How is that?"

"She's lying. The house is mine," Hiei lied. "Shadow is well known for her lies."

"Yes," Kurama agreed. "She lies a lot."

"Oh yeah. Very many lies come from her," Eclipse added, nodding.

"So... Where's you learn to fight like that?" Ryu asked.

"School," Hiei lied. "Martial arts dojo. Since I was barely able to stand."

"How old are you now?"

"Not very."

"He's thirty," Kurama said. "Be sure not to tell anyone any of this stuff, Ryu. Rumors can only get us in trouble."

"I know. So where did you and Eclipse and Shadow learn to fight like that?"

The other two pointed at Hiei.

"He had a martial arts school. It burned down. He contacted his top students and offered to continue their lessons."

"Any more questions?" the fire demon asked.

"No, none at the moment... Except... Are you _sure_ you aren't in love with Shadow?"

"YOU CAN'T HAVE MY RAMENY SECRETS!" Shadow howled, flinging her bowl into the room like a frisby. It crashed into the back of Hiei's head fell to the floor, breaking into a thousand pieces. Hiei's eyes narrowed.

"If I did before, I don't now," he said. "Clean that up, fox. I'm gonna go kill her."

"What? I'm not cleaning up your stupid house!"

"Fine, leave it there and step on it! I don't care." He jumped over it and and tore out of the room. There was a startled 'EEP!' from the next room and Shadow squeezed out from under the couch and took off running out the front door. Hiei went after her.

"They do that all the time. She's in no real danger," Kurama said, standing over Eclipse as she swept up the floor (amazing what threats and bribes can do). "How long are you gonna stay, Ryu?"

"I think I should probably be going home." There was a shriek from outside and the door burst open. Shadow came flying into the room and lunged under Ryu's chair. Hiei followed and poked at her with a sword sheath. She snarled like a caged animal and bit the end of it.

"Ha!" He pulled back and Shadow came out from under the chair, clinging to the sheath with her fangs. When the light hit her, she screeched in pain and fell into a crippled heap on the floor.

"The light! Oh, the light! I'm melting! Help! Help!" She twitched. Hiei whacked her back with the sheath and she yelped, jumped up, and latched onto his leg again.

"I'm sorry, great lord and master! Must I live in your garbage can?"

"Not the garbage can thing again," Kurama sighed. "Ryu, you probably should go. They aren't safe right now. 'Turn around and run if you value your life.' That kind of thing."

Ryu nodded and got up, walking past Hiei and Shadow, who were struggling with each other.

"And remember not to tell anyone about us," Kurama said.

"Right," Ryu muttered, walking out the door. As soon as he was gone, Hiei relaxed his death grip on Shadow's wrists and she hugged him.

"Yay!"

"What's so 'yay'?" Kurama asked nervously, surprised by the sudden change.

"We're alone!"

"Alone? But Eclipse and I-"

"Yes, well, we're still alone."

"Um... Okay. Eclipse, we should probably beat it. They're gonna do things they do when they're alone."

"Like what!" Eclipse asked.

"STUFF," Shadow yelled. She narrowed her eyes and lowered her voice. "Stuff and... _things_."

"Oh, dear God," Eclipse said, looking horrified. She turned and ran out the door. Kurama raised an eyebrow and followed. Shadow burst out laughing.

"Okay, I'm gonna clean up after these people. What're you gonna do?"

"Sleep."

"Okay. Have fun with that."

Hiei went upstairs and Shadow went about doing whatever little trivial duties her housewifely position told her to do.

* * *

"Then you're not a virgin anymore and don't have to worry about vampires and dragons." -Now, when I originally wrote this chapter, I left myself a note after this line saying that I got the idea of the vampires from Shaman King (when did they ever say anything about vamps liking virgins?) and the dragon thing I got from Dragonheart, which is a wonderful movie. Now, onto the real reason I posted early.  
**My good friend hColleen is a wonderful author and she has started a great new fic called "Elemental Education." She only got three reviews on the first chapter and it definitely deserves more, so I'm out to advertise her fic to get you all to at least go over to her page and check it out. It's a really good story. She needs people to appreciate what her muse is making her do, and having me bouncing off the walls in a review after every chapter I fear is probably not enough to make her feel that appreciation... So! You! Now! hColleen's page! Elemental Education! Read it! Review it! Please.**

**-Shadow Jaganshi-**


	6. Rokurokubi

**(Tuesday, 2-22-05)** Thank you reviewers. And special thanks to those who actually read and obeyed my author's note on the last chapter. :) If you missed it, **GO READ HCOLLEEN'S NEW FIC CALLED "ELEMENTAL EDUCATION."** I'll pelt you with poisonous blueberries if you don't.

Some quick notes, I believe here... Just to tell you, I'm currently writing chapter fifteen, and this chapter was written around Halloween. I only know that because the Rokurokubi was something I learned about in Japanese class around Halloween when we were learning about obake. Rokurokubi are women with stretchy necks. They look like normal women by day, but at night they have stretchy necks and lure men to them to drain their life energy. Mmmm... Tasty indeed.  
Anyways, I personally think people are gonna get ticked at me for making this story so long, and making it go off topic majorly at points, for whole chapters at a time, even. They're gonna be like, "I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS STORY WAS ABOUT THIS AND THAT AND THAT AND THIS!" And I'll be like, "IT IS! I'M GETTING TO THAT!" Anyway... Just read the story please. **(Why do I put these notes here if I'm just gonna tell you to read the story at the end of them? I dunno.)

* * *

**

**CHAPTER SIX  
**Rokurokubi

The loudspeaker crackled. Everyone stared at it expectantly.

"Could I have your attention, please?"

"You have it!" Shadow said, staring raptly at the speaker in the ceiling. "Please, tell me what you know, divine voice from the sky!"

The whole of her math class stared, but the voice on the speaker continued.

"Some of you may know Miyoshi-sensei. He was our Driver's Ed teacher as well as the girl's soccer coach. I'm sorry to say he's in the hospital. He suffered a heart attack earlier today when some _rude individual_ played a prank on him... They don't know if he'll survive."

Shadow turned blue and screamed in horror, got up, and ran out of the room, down the hall, down the stairs, and into the gym.

"HIEIHIEIHIEIHIEIHIEIHIEIHIEIHIEI!" she screamed, running across the room to him. She tackled him. "I GAVE SOME OLD MAN A HEART ATTACK! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!"

"What!" the fire demon yelped.

"That Miyoshi whatever guy they just had an announcement about! I gave him a heart attack! I rigged his classroom door! I KILLED HIM!"

"First off, he's not dead. Second, get off me. Third, look around you at all the people who just heard that nonsense."

There were at least thirty people in the gym. They were all staring.

"But that's beside the point. Know who the new girls' soccer coach is?"

"They already have one?"

"Yamashita just came down and talked to me. As a matter of fact, you passed him on your way here, cuz he's coming back."

"What!" She spun, and there was the principal, crossing the gym towards her.

"What are you doing here, girl? Not only were you running in the hall, I get to the office and Shuuichi Minamino is standing there asking the secretary to make an announcement for you to report to the office."

"I didn't hear any announcement."

"That's because she didn't make it, foolish girl! I came down here to deal with you in person!"

"Where's Shuuichi?"

"Back in his math class, where you should have stayed. Now you have detention."

"I already have detention tonight, sir."

"You have _double_ detention, then!"

"What! Can you _do_ that?"

"You should have triple detention! Why aren't you wearing the uniform?"

"Don't have one."

"You-"

"So where am I going after my literature detention?"

"You'll serve _that_ detention _tomorrow_. Tonight you're going to be scrubbing graffiti off the bathroom walls. If you aren't in the office at the last bell, you'll be in serious trouble."

"Yes ma'am."

"WHAT?"

"Sir. Sorry sir. I'll never do it again, sir." She bowed repeatedly.

"That's it! Your detention is from the last bell until every bathroom in the school is clean!"

Shadow blinked. "Even the boys'?"

"Yes!"

"I've never been in a boy's bathroom before... I don't think that's acceptable ladylike behavior... Should I be allowed to see that kind of stuff?"

"It doesn't matter! Nobody will be _in_ them! If you dare say another word in defiance you will be scrubbing bathrooms every day for the rest of the year!"

"Then I'll be quite suited for a future as a janitor, won't I!"

"Shadow!" Hiei snapped.

"But hey, what if I clean them tonight and nobody else graffitis them?"

"THERE'S ALWAYS MORE GRAFFITI! AND IF THERE ISN'T, I'LL PUT IT THERE MYSELF FOR YOU TO CLEAN!"

Shadow blinked. "That was loud and rude and uncalled for."

"That's it! The rest of this week and all next week, after school, report to the office at the last bell! You've got detention!"

Shadow blinked. "N'ka." (variation on 'okay')

Yamashita fumed. **"AND WHY ARE YOU DOWN HERE, ANYWAY! GET UP TO YOUR CLASS!"**

**"YES _MA'AM!_"** Shadow retorted in a voice equal in volume. She stomped out, letting the door slam closed behind her.

She reached her math class with a grin on her face. Everybody stared as she walked back to her seat with the grin still plastered on her face, sat down calmly, and looked attentively at the blackboard. After a minute, Baisotei-sensei continued and Shadow abruptly grabbed her notebook and tore it in half. Eclipse and Kurama jumped, surprised at the apparently unprovoked show of aggression.

"I have detention for a WEEK AND A HALF!" she growled, slamming her fist on the desk. "Can you BELIEVE that!"

Baisotei stared. She quieted down again and looked at him sweetly, smiling.

"Shadow, maybe you should step out in the hall until you calm down."

"That won't help me."

"Go to guidance, then."

"Guidance! What can they do? They're part of the school government which has pitted itself against me! THEY _ALL_ HATE ME!" She panted for breath for a minute, seeming calm, then grabbed what was left of her notebook and ripped the halves in half, again and again until there was nothing left but confetti-sized squares, which she started throwing up in the air by the handful.

"Celebrate!" she said hysterically. "Shadow's got detention! For a week and a half! A _WEEK AND A HALF_! I HAVE TO SCRUB BATHROOMS! AAARRRGGGHHH!" She gathered up every single shred of paper she'd thrown, tossed the heap into the garbage can, set fire to it, and left the room again. Once no one could see her, she burst into fits of hysterical laughter (which echoed in the empty halls and _everybody_ opened doors to stare).

"STARE AT ME A LITTLE MORE, I MIGHT DO A TRICK!" she shouted. Then she took off running and went up to the roof. She perched on the roof of the elevator shaft and leapt from there to the flagpole, which she shimmied up and stood on the top of. With her luck, a few moments later, it was raining. Oh, yes, it had been cloudy all day, but it didn't decide to pour rain until the psychotic girl was at the highest point for a mile or two in every direction.

"Typical," she muttered. And yet she didn't move. A big grin suddenly curved her lips and she burst out laughing again, this time with amusement. She was laughing at herself and her temper tantrum.

"I HAVEN'T THROWN A TEMPER TANTRUM SINCE I WAS TWO!" she shouted.

"This'll be the last one you ever threw, then, if you don't get down from there!" Hiei called from below her. "You're gonna get struck by lightning!"

She looked down at him, grinning, her soaked hair and clothes sticking to her skin. "Hey, Hiei! What're you doin' up here?"

"Get down here, Shadow," he said, choosing to ignore the question.

She hopped down and landed lightly and gracefully in front of Hiei, and hugged him.

"You okay? How're you feeling?" he asked.

"Cold, wet, extremely amused, and... wet. It's raining, had you noticed?"

Hiei nodded. "It's raining hard. And I have a feeling my soccer coaching will have to be put off a day or two."

"_You're_ the new coach?"

Hiei nodded, brushing a few soaked strands of hair away from Shadow's eyes.

"Why are we still standing on the roof in the middle of a thunderstorm?" he asked. Shadow shrugged.

"For the hell of it."

"I see."

"Maybe we can make mad passionate love up here and nobody will know."

"Until they find our electrocuted dead bodies lying up here in a couple days when the beating sun has rotted our corpses nicely..."

"You know, it is possible _not_ to get hit by lightning during a storm."

"I'm very aware of that, Shadow, but my last experience outside a house during a thunderstorm had the tree I'd just been sitting under get hit and catch fire. I seem to be cursed."

"Maybe Koenma's trying to kill you so he can kidnap me without opposition."

"Why would he want to kidnap you!"

Shadow pouted. "I'm offended!"

"Why!"

"You have to ask _why_ he'd want to kidnap me? Why would _any_ sane man want to kidnap me?"

"Oh."

"Continue..."

Hiei sighed and rolled his eyes. "Because you're smart and beautiful."

"Thank you!"

"You're welcome."

"I know I am."

"Whatever."

"I've trained you well, young padawan."

"Young _what_?"

"Padawan. I am the famed Jedi Master Soba-kwan Osushi. I have taken you under my wing and trained you well, Padawan."

"Oh. Yeah. Okay then."

"Can I skip school, mommy? The only classes I'll be missing are yours and the traumatizing class in which the teacher talks about sex like it's a painting. Something to be examined. I wonder if she has any kids. If she walked in on her daughter being screwed, she'd probably examine the methods of pleasure and foreplay the boy was using..."

Hiei blanched. "What?"

"I'm serious! She _encourages_ sex!" She told him about the little situation with Kurama at the beginning of class yesterday. "It was like she was giving us permission to clear off her desk and do a demonstration during class! Isn't that gross!"

"I think I'm gonna be sick."

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THE LADY EVERY DAY! What do you want to bet that when it gets around to it, she'll _ask us_ if we want to demonstrate. Isn't that gross? She probably thinks I've had sex, that I'm some kind of slut or whore or something... How often do you see me standing on street corners wearing gross clothes and smoking cigarettes?"

"Can we get off this subject? I'm gonna be scarred for life."

"Okay, then, here's this topic: We've been standing on the roof for about ten minutes in the rain for absolutely no freaking reason."

Hiei blinked, looking up at the rainy sky. "Good point." He spun on his heel and walked towards the door leading to the staircase. Shadow followed. Once inside, the rain a mere sound effect to be observed from the safety of a warm, _dry_ building, Hiei and Shadow looked down the stairs distastefully.

"I don't want to go to Health," she muttered.

"I don't want to go teach, but my classes probably went and murdered each other and now I'll go back into the gym to a scene of absolute carnage and bloodshed."

"Well that's cool."

"I guess so, but I'll get tossed in prison."

"_Ningen_ prison. No problems breaking out of that one and running from the weak ningen law enforcement, right?"

"True enough." Hiei looked at the puddle of water gathering beneath the two of them. "Raise the temperature."

"What?"

The fire demon raised the temperature of the air around them and both started drying.

"Oh!" Shadow chirped. She helped him out, and in a few moments, both were dry enough to pass as only having been outside for a few moments. Hiei grabbed his cloak off the floor in the corner and handed it to Shadow.

"Wear that."

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"M'kay, then..." She grabbed his cloak and slipped it on. "Perfect fit, don't you think?"

"Hn."

"Don't you 'hn' me!"

"Go to class."

"I'll be late. The bell rang."

"What class?"

"Health."

"Tell her you were exploring The Realms of Sex with your boyfriend."

"I don't have a boyfriend."

"And you weren't exploring The Realms of Sex, but she won't know that."

"Everyone else will. They'll suspect that we were screwing in a broom closet."

"That's nasty."

"They will!"

"But I guess there's no proof we weren't..."

"Hiei!"

"What?"

"I never would have guessed _you'd_ say something like that!"

"I've been around you too long, apparently."

"Well... We live together... What do you expect?"

"Not much. Go to class."

"I don't want to... Can't I skip?"

"And miss Etsuko-sensei's scrutiny of sex? Why would you want to do that?"

"If I wanted to know about sex, I'd ask Youko."

Hiei snorted. "Well, he sure knows."

"Or I could always seduce you into teaching me... Hands on."

The little demon's eyes widened slightly. Shadow grinned.

"How much would it take for you to do that for me?"

"What!" he squeaked.

"I'm kidding! Sorry, sorry, didn't mean to traumatize you. I wouldn't pay you to have sex with me anyway. Then that'd be like you were a hooker or something... Male prostitute."

"Why are we having this conversation?" Hiei cried. "This is very bad for the maintenance of my sanity!"

"Sorry, I'll go to class and learn about pleasure-giving methods." She turned, then paused and kissed Hiei on the cheek. "I have detention today so you'll be home all by yourself. Think you can manage?"

"Yeah, I think I can do okay on my own, Shadow."

"Okay. Ja mata." She jumped on the stair railing and ground down it like a skateboarder, jumping off when she came to a turn and running down the rest with her arms out to her sides like airplane wings.

-

When the health room door flew open and banged against the wall, everyone stared. But nobody came in the door.

"Shuuichi-kun, would you be a sweetheart and shut the door, since you're closest?" Etsuko-sensei said. Kurama flinched at being called 'sweetheart' by this lady, but got up and went to shut the door. His hand was on the knob when his eyes flew wide and Shadow came running down the hall with her arms out to her sides like wings, making airplane noises and swerving this way and that over the hall. He hurriedly pushed the door shut, but Shadow reached it before he'd closed it all the way and she threw her shoulder against it, sending him toppling back. An unnecessarily complex series of gymnastic moves later, and Shadow was standing on her desk doing a series of completely different dances that somehow meshed into one another and seemed oddly... fitting. The entire time, she was singing a song to fit each dance.

"Shadow-san..." Etsuko said after a minute. Shadow continued dancing. Kurama grabbed her left leg and pulled, knocking her to the ground (her head hit off the desk, a chair seat, and the leg of Kurama's chair on the way down, but she was no worse for the wear when the day was over). Class continued.

-

At the end of the day, Shadow was in an agonizingly cheerful mood and found herself _dancing_ to the office. She went inside and straight to Yamashita's office.

"Yamashita-sensei!" she sang in the open doorway. His head snapped up from a few papers he'd been looking at and he glared. She continued in a cheerful voice (at least she wasn't singing, though). "I'm here to serve my terrible detention, sir."

"Good. I assume that, as a girl, you've cleaned before?"

"That's sexist, but yes, I've had my fair share of cleaning." _UNDERSTATEMENT!_

"I expect you to scrub every bathroom in this school to my approval. If you're here until midnight, so be it. You don't have anything more important to be doing, do you?"

"Well, I could think of more _productive_ things to be doing, but they aren't really more _important_. Not for the good of the people, I'm afraid. They'd actually be for.. Well, we won't go there. You don't need to hear my world domination plots."

Yamashita just glared at her, clearly not amused by her attitude. "Start in the girls' bathroom down the hall. Your supplies are in the janitor's closet next to it. Go. Now."

"Yes, Yamashita-sensei, sir!" She salluted and marched out of the office, down the hall through the throng of students (oddly, they cleared the way for the marching, psychotic girl and she wasn't jostled in the least, and completed her ruler-straight line down the hall with ease), and stopped with a big grin on her face in front of the janitor's closet. Looking down the hall towards the office, she saw Yamashita was watching her. She waved and then opened the closet door, pulled out the supplies, and darted into the girls' bathroom, singing the tune to 'Flight of the Bumblebees.'

"One bucket of warm water! A squirt of very strong soap! A sponge! A girl! A bathroom! A graffiti! All ingredients for proper detention are present! Ready set go!" She lunged at the nearest stall, sponge ready, and attacked the graffiti, singing all the while.

"Ready Steady can't hold me back, Ready steady give me good luck, ready steady never look back, let's get steady ready steady gooooo!" ("Ready Steady Go" by L'arc En Ciel-beginning theme of Fullmetal Alchemist. Love that show, love that song, but I have no affiliation with either.)

Twenty minutes later: "Girls' bathroom number one, first floor near room number 110, complete to Yamashita-sensei's approval!" Shadow cheered to the empty room. She ran to the doorway and slid out into the hall, stopping dead and standing at attention, her face dead serious and emotionless. After a second, after the water in her bucket had stopped sloshing everywhere, she got a stupid smile on her face and started skipping down the hall like a little child.

Reaching the boys' bathroom down the hall, she slipped inside with a bit more caution (this may surprise you, but she'd never been in a public boys' bathroom before) and looked around.

"_Kitanai, kitanai_, tisk tisk tisk..." she muttered in a singsong voice, looking around. "Graffiti everywhere... No time to waste!" She shot to the nearest graffiti and stuck her sponge in the bucket. It came out just as dry as it had been when she'd put it in. Blinking, she stepped over to the door and peeked out. There was soapy water splashed all over the hall from the girls' bathroom to where she was now.

"Ewps," she said, grinning. "Moppy, moppyyyyyy!" She dropped her bucket and ran to the janitor's closet, grabbed a mop, and started mopping up the water she'd spilled, humming 'Rush' from Cowboy Bebop (which I do not have any affiliation with, either). She continued in this pattern for some time, singing a different song in each bathroom and travelling between the bathrooms a different way every time (running, crawling, penguin-walking...). It was in the second boys bathroom on the first floor than she discovered something of interest.

"'Shadow Jaganshi is hot.'"

She blinked, looking at the writing (what, you think she cleaned it all off without reading it!), shrugged, and looked at the writing below it.

"'I want to fuck her.' Too bad, Mister Anonymous. I probably don't like you anyway..." Then, below that: "'Eclipse Shinomori is hot.' Yuck."

Shadow scrubbed it all away, turned to dip the sponge in the bucket, and yelped with surprise. Hiei was standing right next to her, reading over her shoulder.

"What are you doing here!" On second inspection, she noticed he was drenched and covered in mud.

"I didn't cancel soccer practice. The rain had slowed by the end of the day so I dragged them out there and they played in the mud. Eclipse had a blast. The others weren't as happy."

"Pansies."

"Exactly." He leaned against the wall. "So are you having fun?"

"Actually, yes." Hiei's eyebrows rose. Shadow grinned. "Anything can be fun, as long as you have the right attitude!"

"I guess that's true."

"You don't have the right attitude, Hiei. But I do!"

"I know. You think staring at a blank wall is fun."

"It is! But this isn't blank! See, you can read stuff people wrote about you!"

"Was there anything about me?"

"Not yet, but I just washed something off that said I was hot and some other dude wants to fuck me. Isn't that amusing? And I found something in the the girls bathroom down the hall, actually a lot of somethings, about Kurama... 'Shuuichi Minamino is sexy.' 'Shuuichi is a total hottie.' 'I love Shuuichi Minamino.' 'Shuuichi Minamino is mine.' 'Ayame + Shuuichi many children' and the like..."

"That's amusing."

"Yes, it is."

"So when do you think you'll be done?"

"It's taken me two hours to do three and a half. So, I estimate another two hours should do it. This is honestly so much fun, I'm almost happy I get to do it for the rest of this week and next week. Except that some of these bathrooms smell bad and you find questionable things in the toilets... But I'm completely alone in this school! Except for you and Yamashita, who should be coming around any moment to inspect my work."

"Really? He's doing that?"

"Yep! I'm his little janitor slave girl!"

"Jaganshi!" came Yamashita's voice from the hall.

"Speak of the devil... Yes, sir!"

"Who are you talking to?" he asked, walking in. "Jaganshi! What are you doing here?"

"Isn't it a bit difficult to talk to two different people with the same last name who are in the same room but you're addressing them about different things?" Shadow asked. "Like, if you asked me what I was doing here, but called me 'Jaganshi' instead of 'Shadow' then I could say 'I'm scrubbing graffiti off bathroom walls, sir' but if you're talking to Hiei, then he could say 'I'm using the bathroom' and that would be two totally completely different things. See what I'm saying?"

"I see what you're _doing_. Or actually, _not_ doing. Get back to work!"

"Yes ma'am." She started scrubbing cheerfully.

"Now, Jaganshi, what are you doing here? And why do you look like somebody just threw you in a mud puddle?"

"Because I was just thrown in a mud puddle," Hiei replied.

"Don't get smart with me!"

"I'm serious! You had me coaching girls' soccer, and they ganged up on me and tossed me in a mud puddle!"

"You got beat up by a bunch of girls?"

"Hardly!"

"I'm the only girl who can beat up Hiei," Shadow interjected, then continued humming.

"Well then-"

"They got mad because I blocked every goal so they all bombarded me with soccer balls until I tripped over one and fell in the mud. Happy? It's kinda muddy outside, I was already a mess. Besides, it's not like I mudded up the halls any. I'm just a bit unpresentable is all."

"You look perfectly presentable to me," Shadow muttered. "I think you look hot." Hiei smirked to himself as Yamashita glared at Shadow's back.

"He's unpresentable."

"It's not like he's anywhere where anyone but you cares, anyway! He'll get home unseen and nobody else will have to fret over his mess except me when I go home and have to wash his clothes and mop up the floor!"

"You know, you should watch it, Jaganshi. I could easily give you detention for the rest of the month," Yamashita threatened.

"Nuh-uh! It's after school hours! You can't punish me for after school misbehaviors."

"Well I notice you haven't been wearing the school uniform! Better start, because that means detention if you don't."

"Yay! Hiei, you'd best expect me to have detention every day for the rest of the year... Cuz I'm not gonna wear the stupid uniform."

"Jaganshi!"

"What?" both chorused.

"You!" He pointed at Hiei. "Get out of here. And you!" He pointed at Shadow. "Get back to work!"

"Yes ma'am!" Shadow chirped, then added quietly, "Even though I never really stopped working..."

Hiei smirked and walked past Yamashita to Shadow, easily pulling his cloak off her body. She yelped and spun.

"Ja mata," he said, grinning, and left, smirking up at the principal as he passed him with his cloak slung over his shoulder. As he went out the door, he wrapped the cloth about himself, concealing a majority of the mud on his clothes. Yamashita continued looking sourly at the door long after Hiei had left.

"You know frowning will give you wrinkles," Shadow said, one hand on her hip.

"Shut up and get back to work."

"I'm finished down here."

"Then go upstairs!"

"Yes SIR!" she snapped. "Jeesh, no need to get snippy with me... I'm just a sweet innocent girl, after all... My weak mind and emotions could be hurt by your cruelty." She continued muttering as she hopped down the hall on one foot with the bucket balanced on her head.

-

When Shadow finally got home, she found Hiei sitting on the porch in the dark, amusing himself by incinerating papers, toothpicks, and even catching marshmallows on fire.

"Hey," she said, sitting next to him.

"Hello," he replied, extinguishing the flames and turning to look at her.

"One detention served, only ten more to go."

"Ten?"

"He added a couple when I failed to clean up a bit of water I'd spilled and he slipped in it and looked like a fool as he stumbled around to get his balance... And I laughed at him instead of helping... It was funny, though."

"I can imagine. Sorry I missed it."

"I should have put it right at the top of the stairs so when he came stalking up to check on me, he fell down them... Broke his neck... Make it look like an accident."

They sat in silence for a while, until Shadow sighed and leaned against Hiei. "I'm tired. Being cruel is exhausting."

"I guess so."

"I think... I'll sleep... Right here..."

"Right here! On me? No, Shadow, you'll get up and go to bed."

"What's wrong with me using you as a pillow? You're comfy."

Hiei sighed and stood up. "That's beside the point."

"Well then what's the point?"

"I don't know, but it's not that. Go to bed if you're tired."

"...Are you embarrassed, Hiei Jaganshi? Hmmmmm? Is some little pansy girl showing odd affection towards you?"

"I'm not embarrassed by you, Shadow."

"Good to hear. I'm going to bed." She got up and, as she passed him, grabbed Hiei's hand and dragged him after her.

-

When the weekend came, finally, Yusuke and Kuwabara showed up at Shadow's house sometime around noon. The door was closed and a try of the knob showed it was also locked.

"Well that's odd. They never lock the door... With Hiei around it's like having a whole pack of rabid attack wolves. Door locks are kind of inadequate." Yusuke knocked sharply.

"Maybe they went somewhere," Kuwabara suggested.

"At noon on a Saturday! Go see if Shadow's motorcycle is around the back."

Kuwabara went, and when he came back, he nodded. "It's still there."

"Then..." Yusuke searched for the duo's ki and found it inside. "They're in there, all right! HEY SHADOW, OPEN THE DOOR!"

Kuwabara sighed and also looked for their ki. "They're asleep." (Yes, he can tell that from their ki. Leave me alone.)

"So what? **OPEN THE DOOR!**"

"Neither of them is used to waking up early, so maybe they're in a coma."

"That's it. Where's Kurama when you need him? Can you pick a lock, Kuwabara?"

"Uh..."

There was a burst of ki and Hiei was suddenly behind them, glaring.

"Why the hell are you here?"

"Hiei! What the hell are you doing!"

"What am _I_ doing! You're the ones standing on my front porch screaming while I'm trying to sleep!" Hiei pulled the key out of his pants pocket and stuck it in the slot, turned it, and opened the door. "Go in. Watch TV or something until I get up of my own free will." He let them in past him, then stepped inside, closed the door, and walked out of the room.

"Fine! Greet your guests! Maybe we'll raid the kitchen!"

"There's nothing in there except bottled water and rice," Hiei replied. "Now if you don't mind-"

"You and your half-nakedness is going to go back to bed, yeah, okay, I get it," Yusuke interrupted.

"Those aren't the exact words I would have used, but it gets the point across." And he spun and left.

"School must be pretty hard on both of them," Kuwabara muttered. "Shadow didn't even wake up, and Hiei was acting like an ass..."

"And neither of those things is unusual, Kuwabara," Yusuke reminded him. "Wanna play pool?"

"Yeah, I guess." The boys went down into the basement to Shadow's pool table.

Hiei, meanwhile, was upstairs, resettling himself next to Shadow in her bed. She rolled over and clung to him.

"Good morning."

"Afternoon," he corrected.

"Who cares. What'd they want?"

"To wake us up and be assholes, I guess."

"Oh. I could've guessed. Where'd they go?"

"I dunno. I let them in. They're probably watching TV or something."

"Why'd you let them in, Hiei?"

"What was I supposed to do? If I tell them to go home, they'll get suspicious and call Kurama the lockpick. And they have no reason to be suspicious and they'd go suspecting we're having sex or something and-"

"-And that's not true so I guess it's better that you let them in. But what if they come up here?"

"Then they'll see a couple people asleep in a bed together."

"And speculate anyway."

"Who cares."

Shadow thought for a second. "Obviously you do, because you let them in so they wouldn't."

"Shut up and go back to sleep."

"Yes master."

-

Hiei got up a couple hours later, but Shadow proceeded to sleep right until dinner time. She came stumbling down the stairs dressed in some odd assortment of clothes that didn't really match, with a pair of shorts on her head like a hat. A string of drool hanging out of the corner of her mouth confirmed to them that she was still asleep and had simply smelled the meal Kurama had fixed, dressed herself in the first pieces of cloth that she managed to fit on her body, and come downstairs.

They looked at her curiously as she stumbled over to the table, grabbed her plate, and dumped it into her mouth. She chewed it, grinned stupidly, and fell over with a thud and started snoring. Hiei looked down at her and sighed, pulling the shorts off her head and stuffing them in her mouth. In her sleep, she mumbled and chewed on them, then spit them out with a cry of, "But I don't want spinach, mommy!" Then she rolled over and nuzzled her cheek against Hiei's foot.

"What exactly has she been doing to put make her this tired?" Kurama asked. "Were you trying to teach her more sword skills, Hiei?"

"No!" the fire demon said, pulling his foot away from the girl. "The only thing I can think of is that maybe getting up for school so early has drained her."

"Oh yeah! That's why we came in the first place!" Yusuke said suddenly. "To see how you two are coping with school life!"

Hiei looked at him with one raised eyebrow, and in that second, Shadow scootched up and wrapped herself around his leg.

"Hey! Get off!" He shook his leg and sent her flying into the next room yelping like a wounded dog.

"Well?" Yusuke prompted when Shadow quieted and didn't come back.

"Shadow's had detention since Wednesday, I believe, and she has it for the next week and a half," Hiei told him. "I'm the replacement soccer coach for Eclipse's team since Shadow gave the original coach a heart attack. She comes to gym class every day with new stories about what she learned in Health class that she either already knew, could have found out from Youko, or could have bribed me into teaching her."

"...Things like...?"

"We're going to be told about abusive relationships and reproduction," Kurama said. Then he added bitterly, "Youko likes that class. He has lots of stories about that."

Hiei snorted. "Yes, I can imagine."

"He also has some lewd suggestions," the redhead continued under his breath, "about what to do with certain girls sitting on either side of me." Hiei's eyes narrowed at this.

"He _would._"

"That's not fair," Yusuke muttered. "If we were learning about stuff like that in school, I might go more often."

"You're sick, Yusuke," Hiei told him (rather unneccessarily, really, as he and everyone else in the room knew it).

"Hey guys..." Shadow whined, returning to the room. She held up a sock. "My socks taste like moth balls."

"That's nice, Shadow," Hiei said in the silence that followed. "Why don't you go back to bed?"

"I'm thirsty."

"I would think you would be, after eating a sock," Yusuke muttered. He raised his voice a bit. "Would you like some laundry detergent to wash that down with?"

"It's tempting, but I'd better pass. I want sake."

"Sake! Ha!" Kurama laughed. "For your own safety, no."

"You can't keep me from it!" she said angrily. "I know where I keep it!" And she darted off down the hall. At the end, she spun clear around, came barreling back into the dining room, ran around to the back door, and went outside. The boys waited in silence for a moment for her to come back. The front door burst open, she ran in, hurdled over the dining room table, ran to the kitchen, and pulled open a cabinet.

"SAKE!"

"She keeps it in that obvious of a place!" Yusuke yelped. "How come I never found it before?"

"I want to know why she has it in the first place," Kurama said.

"It's for Hiei," Shadow replied quickly, defensively, hiding it behind her back. "I would never let such an impure substance taint my virgin lips."

Yusuke let out a short bark of laughter. "Virgin lips! That's funny!"

"Why? My lips have never done anything wrong. They're very pure!"

"You've kissed, haven't you?"

"Nope. Never!"

Yusuke laughed again. "Yes you have. You make out with this loveable little ball of impurity here on a daily basis." He dragged Hiei around in front of him. The little demon glared at him.

"I'll show _you_ loveable you dirty son of a-"

"Now now, Hiei, we don't want to swear in the presence of this pure angelic girl here, do we?" Yusuke taunted. Shadow clasped her hands behind her back and grinned, a white glow surrounding her and feathery angel wings and a shiny gold halo appearing in their own appropriate places. Hiei glared.

"Yeah, the angel girl who doesn't drink sake and has never kissed anyone before," Kurama scoffed.

"I haven't! I told you, the sake is Hiei's!" Shadow wailed, the angelic glow faltering. She poured the tiny cup full of sake and poured it down Hiei's throat before he could stop her. "See? Look at him go! Boy he loves sake!" And she took the bottle, tipped Hiei's head back, and poured the entire thing down his throat while the other three watched in horror.

"Um... Couldn't that kill him?" Kuwabara asked.

"I don't know," Yusuke muttered. Kurama just stared, slack-jawed and wide-eyed.

The entire bottle gone, Hiei let out a belch, hiccupped, and swayed. Yusuke supported him.

"You okay?"

"Of course I'm okay, baka detective, what's a little sake... Get your hands off me..." He pushed Yusuke away and the counter force caused him to sway and fall right over. The others looked at Shadow in horror.

The glow around her vanished, and in its absence they saw the feathery wings were really leathery, translucent crimson wings, and the halo was made of clay and supported by shiny black horns that poked out of her hair. In place of the angel glow, there was an explosion and she had an aura of fire.

"I am as pure as an angel," she said, grinning to reveal her fangs. "A _fallen_ angel! Muwahahahaha!"

"No more sake for Shadow," Kurama said.

"I didn't _have_ any! You mean people didn't let me!"

"Good!"

"You made me waste it all on Hiei!" She nudged the fire demon with her shoe and he grunted and rolled over.

"Good! He's less dangerous than you when he's drunk. He passes out," Kurama snapped. "You don't! You go and ravage the countryside looking for attractive men whose blood you can suck! Rokurokubi!"

"Now that's just very judgemental of you, Kurama," Shadow pouted, crossing her arms, all the demonic stuff vanishing. "Have you ever seen me ravaging the countryside?"

"Not exactly, but I-"

"See! You're not supposed to judge people, Kurama. You're supposed to be fair and kind to everyone. Anyway, I don't ravage the countryside for attractive men," she said, sitting on the floor. "Rokurokubi don't suck blood anyway."

"Well they also only reveal themselves after nightfall," the fox accused.

"They don't ravage the countryside, either. Not in the sense you meant. But as I said, I don't need to search and I don't need to ravage anything." She pulled Hiei into her lap. "Not unless he runs." A venomous grin spread over her face. "Mmmmm, life energy."

The other three gagged, Kuwabara turning his back with his hand over his mouth.

"I think you hit the nail right on the head or whatever the hell they say, Kurama," Yusuke muttered. "She's a rokurokubi."

"Hey! What am I missing!" Eclipse came darting down the hall and pushed everyone out of the way to look into the kitchen. "Ooh! Harvesting life energy! Can I have some?"

"No! This is my victim! Find your own! There's three perfectly healthy and alive men right behind you!" Shadow snapped, curling protectively around Hiei. She had politely skipped over any pleasantries you commonly exchange when a friend comes into your house. No 'Hey Eclipse, how are you? Enjoying his nice weather?' Not even a 'Hey, where'd you come from, why did you let yourself in, what the hell are you doing in my house you intruding snot!' None of that. No pleasantries.

Eclipse turned around. "Where?"

"Well, there _were_ three healthy men right behind you, but I guess I scared them off. Want some sake?"

"You bet!"

Shadow got up, unceremoniously dumping Hiei back onto the floor, and got out another bottle of sake and two glasses. She handed them to Eclipse, picked up Hiei, and led the way to the living room, where two boys were found cowering behind or beneath odd bits of futniture. The third had turned into a silver fox and was sitting on the back of the couch primly. At the sight of the sake, he perked up a bit. Shadow put Hiei in her Sacred Fluffy Forbidden Reclining Chair and plopped herself down on the couch, snatching the bottle and one glass away from Eclipse.

"Cheers!" she chirped, pouring the little glass full. She drank it and poured another, and another, until Eclipse snatched it away and poured herself some.

"Hey!" she said suddenly. "Drinking contest!"

"NO!" Yusuke and Kuwabara screamed, lunging out from their hiding places. The girls hissed like cats and bared their fangs, sending both boys back into hiding. Youko, however, was sitting on the back of the couch smirking. That is, _if_ foxes can smirk, which, if my dogs are any example, they can.

"Ready to go?" Eclipse asked.

"Keep in mind I already had three and you only had one! But I bet I can beat you even though!" Shadow retorted, slurring her words slightly. They sat on either side of the poker table still set up from a week or two ago and got ready.

"Ready?"

"Set?"

Youko barked and the girls instantly lunged for the bottle of sake. With a start, Eclipse realized she was still holding it and promptly tipped it back and drank as much as she could before Shadow snatched it away and finished it off.

"Why'd they have the glasses if that's what they were gonna do?" Yusuke asked.

"I dunno. I don't think that's what they'd planned," Kuwabara replied, watching them struggle over the bottle for the last few swallows. Eclipse managed to get it and chug the last bit.

"I win!" she proclaimed drunkenly before tipping over backwards. Shadow glared and stumbled away to the kitchen for more sake. Eclipse dragged herself along the floor after her and realized about halfway there she had a stow-away sitting on her back. Though he was small and fluffy and didn't weigh much, he was enough of a distraction to her that she tried to roll over and bat him away. He jumped straight up and when she got onto her back, he landed on her stomach. She 'oof'ed and he looked towards the kitchen before jumping up and slipping away.

Meanwhile, in the living room, Yusuke had snuck out of his hiding place to check on Hiei.

"I wonder if drunken rokurokubi are as dangerous as sober ones," he muttered, checking Hiei's pulse.

"I dunno, but I'd stay away from them both just in case."

"Good plan. Y'know, looking at Hiei like this, you'd never suspect he's probably dreaming of murdering somebody." Kuwabara peered over his shoulder.

"Yeah, he looks like a little kid."

"He's probably dreaming of murdering _you_."

_**(We are magically INSIDE HIEI'S DREAM)**_

The sky was pastel blue with fluffy clouds; little birdies fluttered and played in the shallows of a nearby stream full of clear, cool water. Little fishies darted to and fro in the water. A field of delicate little pink and yellow flowers stretched as far as the eye could see. In the midst of this sat Hiei, wearing a loose white shirt and pants, throwing bread crumbs to a twittery little songbird while multi-colored butterflies fluttered all around him.

Following the appearance of a snickering Chibi Devil Hiei, who'd vanished as quick as he'd come, a girl wearing a black cloak came towards Hiei, leaving a trail of DOom behind her that melted everything in sight. She stopped abruptly right in front of him and he looked up at her with wide, childishly innocent ruby eyes.

"I crush your dreams of peace!" the girl proclaimed, and stomped a circle all around him. Everything died and the poor little Hiei was hurled into an abyss of blood, death, and horrible things.

It froze and a chibi Hiei with a halo came marching out and declared, "Back off, Devil Hiei! This dream sucks! I like it better the way it was before that girl came!" and it rewinded to that point. The girl never came. But an unhappy little Cupid Hiei came fluttering out and said, "But that's quite uneventful and boring... Suppose that girl came along with a bit of a different disposition, though!"

And along came Shadow, skipping through the field in a skimpy white outfit. She spotted Hiei, ran to him, lunged, and they both vanished into the tall grass and flowers in the field, their location only marked by the rustling grass and occasional questionable noises... and articles of clothing flying up in the air a couple times.

But, alas, along came an unhappy Chibi Devil Hiei, and he set fire to the entire dream and it vanished like a piece of paper, catching at one corner and just exploding into nothingness.

"You dumb bastard! If you're gonna start dreaming about this stuff, and letting that psycho cupid take over your mind, why don't you just _do it_ so that baka cupid will be happy and go away! Then you can get on with life properly! Die, love! Die!"

The Chibi Devil Hiei went running out of that particular line of sight and came running back chasing the Cupid Hiei and flinging fireballs at him.

"Help me!"

Chibi Devil Hiei lunged and attacked Chibi Cupid Hiei and a battle between love and evil ensued, which was brushed aside when Chibi Angel Hiei came along and tranquilized the both of them. And yet another chibi came along. The Chibi Jagan Eye! And it told Hiei, "Hey, Kuwabara's looking at you, and Yusuke's touching you." And all drunkenness and sleepiness vanished.

_**(In the Real World)**_

"STOP TOUCHING ME! GO AWAY!"

Yusuke and Kuwabara both were sent tumbling across the room and shortly had black eyes and bloody noses and were unconscious in the corner.

Meanwhile, Youko was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, peering inside at Shadow as she rummaged around for a third bottle of sake. Finding it, the girl turned and stumbled out. Youko followed her as she went into the living room, grabbed her cup, poured it full, and set it on the floor.

"Here, Lord Fox," she said. Youko smirked and trotted merrily to the small cup. He drank what was in it, then hopped up on Shadow's lap and licked up any dribbles of sake that ran down her chin as she chugged the bottle.

Hiei staggered over and snagged the bottle out of her hand. Both Shadow and Youko yelped with surprise.

"Hey!" Shadow whined. Hiei glared, then tipped back the bottle and drank what was left in it.

_Oh, Inari... For a minute I thought he was going to get angry at her... But he's just as drunk as Shadow. Good,_ the fox thought. Shadow started stroking his fur and he grinned. _Shadow's so drunk she doesn't even realize who I am._

Hiei sat down (or rather, practically fell) on the couch next to Shadow. A grin appeared on her face and she leaned over and kissed him.

_No! Get out of here, Hiei! Go away! This is so convenient and you're gonna spoil it!_

Youko snarled, then rolled his eyes and hopped off Shadow's lap onto the floor. He transformed into his humanoid form and grabbed Hiei by his collar.

"Back off," he said, dropping the little demon back into the reclining chair.

"Hey!"

But Youko ignored him as he sat down next to Shadow and leaned over. Their lips nearly touched when he felt a tug on his hair. He spun, snarling, and saw Hiei staring at him.

"Sake?" the little demon asked.

"Oh, for the... Hiei, you live here. Go get it yourself!"

And, quite unexpectedly, the fire demon's eyes welled up with tears and he started crying. Youko gawked. _He looks kinda cute when he's crying, though._

Shadow reached up and grabbed Hiei's shirt, pulling him down to her level. He stopped crying and sniffled. She kissed him again and Youko let out an annoyed cry.

"Come _on_!" he said, putting his arms between them and pushing them apart. Hiei sniffled and started crying again. The fox got up and left the room. He came back a few seconds later and shoved a bottle of sake into Hiei's hands. "Go drink yourself into oblivion!"

And Hiei stumbled off, grinning, to obey the fox's order. Youko settled back on the couch to make out with Shadow, Shuuichi screaming in the back of his head the entire time.

_"YOUKO KURAMA! STOP IT!"_

_"Shut up, Shuuichi."_

_"Shadow is quite obviously very close to Hiei. Don't you think she'd rather wake up in bed with _him_ after drinking herself into oblivion, instead of _you

_"I don't care. And who said she would wake up in bed? Did I ever seriously consider raping her? Because it _would_ be rape, mind you. Just because she's drunk doesn't mean she wants to have sex with me."_

_"I'm glad you realize that, pervert fox."_

_"I'm glad you think so highly of me, Shuuichi. I'm only the source of a majority of your knowledge and all of your abilities, after all. Without me, you'd just be another pretty face. Hell, you might not even be that. My beauty might have influenced your human body's formation before you were even born!"_

_"I'm glad you keep reminding me of that, Youko."_

_"I'm under-appreciated, dear Shuuichi. If I don't keep reminding you, you might start taking everything for granted and where would you be then?"_

There was silence from his human half.

_"See? And it's not just you who doesn't appreciate me, it's all of them. Except perhaps Hiei, because he understands. Now shut up and let me have some fun. It's not hurting her any."_

_"You're annoying, you know that, Youko? Selfish, sex-obsessed, and you don't care. You see nothing wrong with that. But I do, and I'm left to deal with any guilt that comes from your actions. Like what you're doing now! Get your hands away from there!"_

_"Quiet, Shuuichi. Didn't I tell you to shut up?"_

Shuuichi fumed and kicked some dirt in his little prison in Youko's mind. His bit of mind was really quite clean compared to the rest of Youko's mind. Dirty, dirty, dirty. _Kitanai._ Stupid fox. _"Your mind is in need of a bit of housecleaning."_

_"Then get to work."_

_"I'm not touching it! Who knows what kind of things I'll find if I start digging through the trash in _your_ brain! And get your hands off Shadow! Kissing is one thing, groping is another!"_

_"Shut up, Shuuichi, before I get really mad."_

_"Argh! Fine!"_

And he sat down and pouted, doing his best to ignore the fox's actions.

-

The next morning, Hiei woke up at the sound of his alarm, surprised to find himself in his own bed, clinging to an empty sake bottle like it was a teddy bear. He hit the alarm and stood up, trying to remember why he'd set his alarm. But that was pushed out of his mind by the realization that he had a splitting headache. It hurt. Really. Really. Bad. He snarled obsenities and went to the bathroom for pain relievers. While he was in there swallowing a bit more than proper dosage, he decided to take a shower. Maybe it would help get rid of his headache, help him remember why he'd set his alarm, and... Whatever the third reason was, he couldn't remember, but it didn't matter, cuz he suddenly realized he smelled strongly of sake and that was reason enough.

Downstairs, Yusuke and Kuwabara had woken up after Hiei's pummeling the night before and found a shirtless Youko asleep on the couch with Shadow curled in his arms.

"Uh-oh," they'd said.

"Wonder if Hiei's seen this?"

"Of course not, stupid, or they wouldn't still be like this!"

Youko's ear flicked and both of them froze and stared in silence with baited breath. One gold eye opened.

"What time is it?" he asked. No 'oops you weren't supposed to see this' or 'don't tell Hiei or I'll kill you.' Nope. Just... 'What time is it?'

"It's, uh, a little past nine. In the morning," Yusuke answered hastily.

"Hm." The fox closed his eye and held Shadow close for a minute before yawning and sitting up.

"Where's your shirt?" Yusuke asked hesitantly.

"Beats me. Do me a favor and look for it, will you?"

Remembering the last time they'd accidentally walked in on something like this, the two boys obeyed. Last time, Hiei had been with them and all anger had been between him and the fox. Shadow had woken up only when an oversized fanged, bloodthirsty plant had flung Hiei onto the bed on top of her. Then he'd been mad at her and Youko both and had sat on the roof for the next four hours, ignoring all and any attempts to console him. Then, when Shuuichi had dared to show his face, Hiei had flipped out on _him_, too, for letting the fox get the better of him and show up in the first place.

"Here it is," Yusuke said, picking up the fox's shirt and handing it to him. Youko was rather amused to see they were a bit scared of him now. Perhaps he wasn't as under-appreciated as he'd thought. He grinned and pulled on his shirt.

"Eclipse is lying around here somewhere too. Somewhere between here and the kitchen, I'd say. I was too busy to see where she got off to, exactly. But she's not my concern." He looked fondly at Shadow.

"Er... Not to be nosy, but what exactly-"

Yusuke's question was cut off as down the stairs came Hiei.

"Where is Eclipse?" he asked, not waiting for an answer as he looked around for the girl on his own.

"We were just getting to that," Youko said pleasantly. "We aren't real sure."

"Well FIND HER! She's got soccer practice in twenty minutes and a game half an hour after that, and she's-" He found her. "LYING DRUNK ON THE FLOOR! For the love of _God_, Eclipse, get up!" He nudged the girl and she groaned, rolled over, and then was sent flying by a kick to the ribs. "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!"

"Wha's goin on..." Shadow mumbled, opening her eyes.

"Hiei's having a stress attack, Shadow," Youko murmured sweetly. "He'll be okay. He's taking it out on Eclipse."

"OWWWWWWW..." Eclipse whined.

"Oh," Shadow mumbled. "I have a really bad headache."

"Go back to sleep."

"-AND YOU HAVE A STUPID _GAME_ IN FIFTY MINUTES!" Hiei was shouting. He rounded on Youko. "And WHY the hell did Shadow sleep with you? No, never mind, I don't really care. If she wants to get drunk and have sex with you, that's her problem. Of course, I'll be pissed later when I actually _think_ about it, but that's beside the point for right now. Eclipse!"

"Yes coach sir!" The girl stood at attention.

"Get ready for soccer."

"Yes, coach sir!" She darted off. Hiei took a deep breath to compose himself, then looked at Youko.

"Do you have anything for a headache, fox?"

"So I'm your personal medic now?"

"You always have been. Do you?"

"Yes, I suppose so. Want it?"

"That would probably be why I asked."

"There's a price."

"Do NOT mess with me right now, Youko, I am NOT in the mood."

"You're no fun, Hiei. C'mon, it'll take a minute." He got up and walked away. Hiei followed.

Right before Hiei and Eclipse were about to walk out the door, Shadow came bounding over the back of the couch and latched onto the fire demon.

"I WANNA COME!"

"Fine, fine, let go, you can go, come on, whatever," Hiei said, prying Shadow off him and waving his hand in her face as he went out the door. Youko trailed after them dejectedly.

_"I _told_ you Shadow's close to Hiei, not you. She's drunk, you stupid fox."_

_"Shut up, Shuuichi, before I drill a hole in my head and take you out."_

_"...Erm..."_

_"SHUT UP!"_

_"Well ex-_cuse_ me, Mister Bossy Fox! Can I come out now?"_

_"Fine! Crybaby prissy mommy's boy..."_

And a happy red-headed Kurama came running out the door and leapt into Eclipse's convertible next to Shadow in the last second before she pulled out.

"Fox!" Hiei yelped.

"Youko's sulking in the back of my mind," he said, smiling. "You don't need to worry about him."

"Good. Hopefully I'll forget all about it on the way to the soccer field, what with the way Eclipse DRIVES! Oh God!" On 'drives,' Eclipse had pulled out into the road and was very shortly speeding away at about 90 mph.

* * *

Ptht. Please avoid criticizing my sotyr... story... what the hell is a sotyr? Like, a typo of story, ma- ACK! I JUST HAD... OH... I LOVE YOU GUYS! 


	7. It's Hard to Play Soccer Drunk

**(Thursday, 2-24-05)** Look! An update only two days after the last! I realized I kinda cut off my author's note at the end of the last chapter cuz I had a brilliant idea... It's not like it was important. Just more of my complaining.  
Anyway, thank you reviewers... I find it interesting how one person said **"Poor Yamashita"** and another said **"Please tell me Yamashita dies"**... Well, no, SilverStar-AquarianAngel, up to this point (I just started writing chapter sixteen...), Yamashita is still alive. If a character has a name, I usually don't kill him. I could hurt him, if you want. Trip him? Trip him _down the stairs_? Throw him off the roof? Impale him on jagged rocks at the bottom of a cliff, and force him to live through it? And also, no, up to chapter sixteen, Etsuko has not shown any videos, and if she does, they will merely be mentioned. It's not like I'm going to give details. Jeez. What's _wrong_ with you? What's your _problem_? Lol.  
**I would like to recommend a book:** It's called **Catch-22** by **Joseph Heller.** It's funny. I'm only on page 97 out of 400-something and it's really funny. It's about World War 2, in which Ihave no interest, but it's still funny(after reading two Stephen King books in a row, I needed a break). So! Check it out if you have the opportunity!

**Now, onwards! Enjoy the chapter!**

**

* * *

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**CHAPTER SEVEN  
**It's Hard to Play Soccer When You're Drunk

When the three teens and Hiei showed up at the soccer field in Eclipse's convertible, the majority of the team was already there. Hiei got out of the car, using the door because he didn't even trust himself not to, and when going over the door of a convertible is enough to make Hiei sick, you have to start worrying.

"I'm never riding in a car with you again," he snarled. "Ever. Not even if my life depends on it. Not if both my legs are broken and..." The rest of that sentence was lost as he put his hand over his mouth, looking green, then vanished. Kurama had a suspicion he'd gone to the bathroom to puke up the contents of his stomach, which perhaps would get rid of some of the previous night's sake, but would also rid him of the medicine Youko had administered for his headache and hangover. Not good.

However, the girls soccer team hardly noticed this. No. Their eyes were glued to only one person as he climbed gracefully out of the car. A certain smirking redhead: the one and only Shuuichi Minamino.

"Shuuichi..." they cooed as one.

"He came to our practice..."

"Shuuichi Minamino's actually here..."

"Wow... He's so hot..."

"He's so beautiful..."

"Look at his hair... It's so perfect..."

"Wow..." they all cooed in unison.

Kurama was either oblivious or choosing to ignore this as he spoke to Eclipse and Shadow, then leaned on the car as the former ran down onto the field. Hiei came back a few minutes later and Kurama put an arm companionably around his shoulders.

"Feeling better?"

"I just went and threw up my guts, fox. Do you think I'm better?" He reached in his pocket and pulled out a bottle of Tylenol. Tipping his head back, he dumped about six into his mouth and swallowed them, making a face. "Yuck."

"Great. Our coach is popping pills," one girl sniffed. "Couldn't we be disqualified for that?"

"Yeah, I think so, if they test him," another girl said. Both still had their eyes glued on Kurama but were managing to have conversation despite this.

"You could also be disqualified for having an underage drunk MVP but I won't tell if you don't," Eclipse said, tossing a ball at their faces to break the eye contact with Kurama. She paused, swaying slightly, and squinted. "Ow."

"You're _drunk_?" one girl said, horrified. "We have a game in half an hour and you're _drunk!_"

"I can still play," she said, bouncing the ball from knee to knee just to show them how right she was. "I drove all the way here without wrecking, too, didn't I?"

Hiei came walking down to the field and glared around at them all. "I feel like shit, so don't expect any leniency from me and don't expect a single smile, smirk, derisive laugh, nothing. If you do anything stupid, I'll punish Eclipse for it, because she's drunk and shouldn't be."

"Wait, how did you know she was drunk!"

"For one, I heard her say it just now, and for two, I was there. Now start practicing or doing whatever the hell you do before a game while I go over here and attempt to recover from a drunk girl's driving..." _And my own hangover,_ he added bitterly to himself. He went over fell face-first on the ground. The team stared.

"Well, get to work, ladies. You heard the man," Kurama said, walking past them to get to Hiei. He didn't look at any of the girls, but they worshipped his presence all the same and once he was out of their way, they started their warm-ups obediently, trying their best to impress him (of course, he wasn't paying attention). To think, the Great Shuuichi Minamino would show up at their game! It's amazing!

"Hiei?" Kurama said, kneeling next to him and rolling him over. Hiei's bandaged right arm flew up and he grabbed a fistful of Kurama's shirt, pulling him closer.

"I. _Hate_. Ningen. I hate your ningen sports, I hate your ningen women, I hate your goddamn ningen cars and sake and the stupid medicines that are supposed to help your stupid hangovers from the stupid sake and I hate _everything_ right now!"

"It's okay, Hiei. I can understand that. I hate my own inner self right now."

"Oh yeah! Thanks for reminding me! I hate Youko and Yusuke and Kuwabara, too, and hell, I hate Koenma and Botan and the driver of the car that killed Yusuke and the stupid little child and his ball and mostly I just hate Yusuke for caring that the dumb kid was gonna get flattened! Hate, hate, hate! I might as well hate you for GRINNING AT ME LIKE THAT! If I didn't feel like my head would explode if I sat up, I would strangle you right now. But I'm too damn sick." And his arm dropped back to the ground, releasing Kurama, and he rolled over and curled up. "Can I go home?"

"No, Hiei, you have to at least stand there and look like you're coaching."

"Stand! Oh my God... I like Makai better... At least there, when you have a problem, killing something usually helps solve it. Here, it's not acceptable to even _have_ a sword in public! No, you can't have that here, you might hurt someone! Well I have the sword, don't you think that might be why I have it? I intend to hurt someone? I don't have it on _accident_, you ningen dolt!"

Kurama sat through Hiei's rant, and he had to admit the little fire demon said some interesting things... But finally the other team arrived and the game started. They were losing from the start.

At half time, the score was five-one and Eclipse came stumbling over panting and sweating.

"You know," she panted, "I heard somewhere... that heavy exercise... while drunk... is bad for your heart... Of course, it wouldn't bother you, Hiei... son of a bitch... All you're doing is standing there..." And she chugged her entire bottle of water.

"And he's not drunk," one of the other girls pointed out.

"The hell I'm not," Hiei muttered under his breath. "Now when you go out there I expect you to win this game..."

"They have a four point lead!" one girl protested.

"I don't care! Eclipse! You're the MVP, you're supposed to save the team's ass when they're losing!"

"IT'S HARD TO PLAY SOCCER WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK!"

"Well it's hard to COACH soccer when you're drunk."

"And it's hard to WATCH soccer when you're drunk!" Shadow added. Everybody looked at her.

"What are you doing over here, Shadow?" Hiei asked, annoyed.

"Watching soccer."

"There's stands over there for a reason, you know."

"Yes, well I _was_ up there but then the pink winged elephant wouldn't stop accusing me of disrupting the space-time continuum, so I came over here. It's over there talking to that blue toothless crocodile now." She pointed. There were no elephants or crocodiles in the stands. Hiei sighed.

"If you say so."

"They were disrupting me," the girl said plainly. "But when I came down here, I realized that there were two soccer balls and it's hard to watch them both..." She sighed sadly, shaking her head. "I just can't win."

"I think you need to go to the doctor," Eclipse said.

"I did. He gave me something stinky and told me if I poured it on the pink elephant it would go away... It didn't work. The elephant tried to kill me."

Kurama, standing nearby, had a fair idea that the pink elephant she had been seeing had been an overweight lady with a pink rain slicker. He'd seen her running out of the stands towards the bathroom. _That explains it._

"You poured something on some bystander?" he asked. Shadow shook her head violently, then swayed and nearly fell into Hiei's arms (of course, with her added weight, he would've fallen too).

"No, no, no, fox, were you not listening? I said it was an _elephant_!"

"I saw a heavy woman in a pink raincoat leave the stands right after you came running over here. It wasn't an elephant. What did you pour on her?"

Shadow shrugged and held up an empty bottle. "It was in this."

Kurama took it and read the label, then examined the bottle. "You poured sour milk on some old fat lady sitting the the bleachers at a soccer game. Boy, I bet Koenma would like to hear about that."

"Hey coach, you're supposed to be giving us pep talk during all this!" one girl said abruptly. Shadow and Kurama continued arguing.

"_Pep talk?_ Here's this: Win the game or Eclipse gets all the blame. If you're fine with that, go on and lose. But guilt is hard on a person's self-esteem and her status as MVP could possibly be in danger. She'll start thinking she is as bad as I accuse her of being, then she will start declining in skill, and shortly you will have a not-very-valuable most valuable player. Okay?"

"As coach, it is your duty to _improve_ the team, not-"

"Do. Not. Lecture me."

Halftime was shortly over and the team went out and lost horribly. Hiei had Eclipse play the entire game, and he knew it wasn't her fault they'd lost (well, maybe it partially was, but it was the rest of the team's fault more because they'd grown to rely on her too much). However, keeping good to his promise, he pummeled Eclipse and dragged her to her car, tossed her in the trunk, and ordered Kurama to get in and drive. The fox obeyed, smiling. It was quite amusing to see Hiei so pissed off over something as simple as a hangover and a lost soccer game. He told the little demon this and recieved a death glare in response.

"Shut up, Kurama."

"Sorry. It's just... funny."

"Shut up."

Meanwhile, Eclipse was pounding on the inside of the trunk.

"LET ME OUT! I CAN'T BREATHE!"

"I HOPE YOU DIE!" Hiei shouted back.

-

Arriving home, Hiei went straight to his bedroom, trailed closely by a silent Shadow. He acted like he didn't notice her until he reached his bedroom door, then he spun around and grabbed her shoulders.

"Why are you following me?"

"Why are you so upset?"

"Don't answer a question with a question!"

"Fine! Hiei, I am following you to ask you why you're so upset."

"I'm _upset_ because I feel like shit."

"Well we've got school tomorrow and according to Yusuke's fine print, I can't miss a day, and if you stay home I have to stay with you to be your nurse and give you tender loving care. So even though I feel like shit too, I'm willing to give you tender loving care right _now_ so you'll feel better _tomorrow_. Sound like a plan?"

"No."

"But you'll feel better! Seriously! You can't take any ningen medicines to feel better because you're a demon. But my home remedies will fix you right up!"

"You mean the ones you borrow off Kurama?"

"Those too, but I've got some relaxation techniques that will make you forget all about your headache."

"...Such as...?"

"Ah! So you're interested! Come along, then!" She linked his arm with hers and practically dragged him into his own bedroom and shut the door.

Downstairs, Yusuke and Kuwabara had stayed at the house through Eclipse's game and were lounging in the living room when Kurama came strolling in.

"Hiei and Shadow went upstairs. I think one or the other is pissed about something and they're gonna go have sex to forget about it," Yusuke told him dryly, staring at the TV.

"Hiei's pissed about his hangover and they're not going to have sex," the redhead told him. "Shadow just doesn't want to be around us because she's feeling vulnerable with her hangover."

"Really?"

"No, I just made up some crap to sound smart," Kurama said, shrugging and plopping down on the couch next to Yusuke. The boy stared at his friend.

"And how often do you do that?"

"What, make up stuff? Not very often, really. Just at times like this when somebody pissed off Youko and he refuses to talk to me. I guess that's for the better, since it was Shadow who pissed him off and so now he's not whispering his normal lewd comments every time he sees her. More like threats."

"Threats?"

"You know. He's pissed because she ignored him for Hiei, so now he's threatening to do naughty things next time he gets loose. He won't, though. He has enough brains and enough respect for Hiei not to."

_"What do you know, Shuuichi? Only what I tell you, so shut up."_

_"Right, the whole 'under-appreciated' thing. I think you've got some kind of inferiority/superiority complex... Not to mention your inhuman sexual lust."_

_"I'm NOT human, kid. What do you expect?"_

_"Whatever."_

_"WHY ARE YOU JUST BRUSHING ME OFF?"_

_"You've been hissing rape plots in the back of my head every time I looked at Shadow for the past two hours. What do you expect?"_

"I wonder what they _are_ doing, then," Kuwabara said randomly. "I mean, if they aren't having sex."

"We don't know that they _aren't_ having sex!" Yusuke snapped. "The stupid fox was just making crap up! Kurama! I demand that you go upstairs and check on those two to make sure that in nine months there won't be a baby Hiei or Shadow running around! Go! Now! I command it as leader of the Reikai Tantei and Raizen's heir!"

"We're in Ningenkai, Yusuke... None of that stuff effects us," Kurama said, getting up anyway. "But since you're my friend, I'll go make sure that Hiei is not impregnating a 16-year-old halfbreed girl. I'll risk my own sanity to make sure that in a year, Hiei doesn't have some little child to pass on his traits to... Of course, if it's a girl..."

He walked away muttering. Up the stairs he went-all the way up to the third floor when he found nobody in Shadow's bedroom. He knocked on Hiei's door. Then he waited. When nobody answered, but he heard no questionable noises, he turned the knob and found the door was open. Odd. He pushed in on the door and slipped inside.

"What's going on in here?" he asked quietly.

"Massage therapy," replied Shadow. There was a bit of a grin on her face as she looked at the redhead's slightly surprised face.

"Oh." He paused. "Yusuke sent me up to make sure Hiei wasn't making you the bearer of his children."

"Hiei's not doing anything of the sort. He's just sitting here being a good little boy while I massage every little pain out of his mind," Shadow said. And that was exactly what was going on. Nothing too questionable, except that Hiei had no shirt on and Shadow was touching him a lot. But that wasn't all that far out of the ordinary.

"Well... He'll still think that in nine months we'll have another member of our big happy family, but I'll go tell him you're behaving yourselves. And please make sure that there _won't_ be another member of our big happy family in nine months... You're a little young to be having a demon's child, Shadow..."

"Go away, Kurama," Hiei murmured.

"Right. Sorry." Kurama left, shutting the door behind him. He paused in the hall for a minute, thinking, then shrugged and headed down the stairs.

"Well?" Yusuke prompted eagerly.

"Wouldn't it be odd if Hiei was the first one out of us to get a girl laid? Sorry for the lack of tact in my wording, but wouldn't it be?"

"He's not, is he!" Yusuke and Kuwabara asked in horrified unison.

"No, no, nothing like that... But the way they act..."

"Kurama! You're worrying me. If Hiei has children before me, or even _you_-"

"I'm not planning on having any children."

"Well I'm sure Hiei isn't either, but that's not the point! If he did, and he's like mister cold-and-heartless, or at least used to be, that's just so wrong! I mean, with our current relationships... I'm the only one here with an official girlfriend..."

"That's beside the point... Crap, now I got you thinking. They're not doing anything questionable together. No sex, no kissing, nothing like that."

"What _are_ they doing, then?"

"Nothing wrong."

"_What_, then?"

"Erm... massage... therapy... As Shadow called it..."

Yusuke opened his mouth to shout, then sighed. "I want a massage..."

Kurama fell over, just as the front door burst open and in came stomping a furious Eclipse.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST LEAVE ME IN THAT CAR! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

"It wasn't me!" Kurama yelped. "I completely forgot you were there once you shut up! I was preoccupied! It wasn't my fault! Um... Help!"

"Fine! Where's Shadow and Hiei, then?"

"No!" all three boys cried at once, leaping into her path. "Don't go bother them!"

"Why NOT!"

"They're... having... quality time," Yusuke said, his eyes shifting around.

Eclipse paled slightly. "Are there gonna be baby Hieis running around in nine months?"

"No," Kurama said. "Nothing like that. Well, nothing _exactly_ like that. But you don't wanna go disturb them. Hiei's feeling a bit better and you bursting in there shouting and waving your arms wouldn't fix a thing. And you would die."

"...Are there naked people up there?"

"No! You always jump to the worst conclusions! You're like Yusuke!"

"I'm nothing like him!" Eclipse retorted angrily.

"Whatever."

"So if I can't go disturb those fire demon lovebirds and their half-naked make-out sessions, who can I blame for leaving me in the trunk? Oh, look, there's Kurama, the only other one who was in the car!"

"No! I wasn't! You were, and so was, um, one of Shadow's weasel minions! That's it! Go up to Shadow's Weasel Room and confront him. He's blue."

"Really?"

"Honestly."

Eclipse squared her shoulders and walked up the stairs. The boys stood still, lounging around waiting for...

"**OH MY GOD IT HURTS SO BAD, GET THEM OFF, GET THEM OFF, WEASELS, OH, GOD, WEASELS! GO, CHICKEN SOLDIERS! GO! OH MY GOD, THEY'RE EATING THE CHICKENS! AHHHHHH! THAT'S OKAY CUZ I DIDN'T LIKE THEM ANYWAY! AAHHHHHH! AND THEY NEVER REALLY EXISTED! AHHHHH! WEASELS, OH, GOD, THE PAIN, THE UNBELIEVABLE, UNBEARABLE PAIN! IT'S UNSUBSTANTIATED! HOW AM I THINKING OF BIG WORDS WHEN I'M HAVING MY FLESH TORN OFF? YYYYYEEEEEE-OOOOOOWWWWWWWWW! MOMMMMMMMYYYYY!**"

Up in Hiei's room, the screams were just as loud as they were downstairs. Hiei rolled over and pulled a pillow over his head.

"Couldn't you train them to kill faster?" he mumbled.

"No. Killing is in their nature, and they do it at their own pace. I think they're sadistic creatures. They like torturing people," Shadow replied. "Don't worry about it. If you worry you'll start getting tense again. You'll need another massage."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. But worry and stress also cause the body to age faster and you'll get wrinkles on your pretty face."

"Pretty?"

"Oh, right, gomen, pretty is used to describe Kurama. You're more... cute."

"_Cute_?"

"Hot? Sexy? Handsome? Pick a word, I have a thesaurus memorized."

"Be quiet."

"Sorry. I'm gonna go speed up Eclipse's demise. Either that or save her ass... Probably the latter, sadly..." She got up and left the room.

A few hours later, Eclipse was sitting in front of the group (even Hiei managed to drag himself out of his bed to see this) in a full-body mummy suit of bandages. She glared out through the slit at Kurama.

"This is all your fault, fox," the said, muffled through the cloth.

"No, it's yours for being so stupid as to go invading hungry weasels' territory," Shadow said flatly. "I wonder what the people at school will say tomorrow."

"SCHOOL? I'M NOT GOING TO SCHOOL, CHILD!"

"What? You're gonna miss all those days of health class just because of a few measly weasel bites?"

"And heavy blood loss and infection in the wounds," Kurama muttered. "I think the least of her concerns is learning about sex."

"But she wants to be able to please you, Kurama!"

"What!" Kurama and Eclipse exclaimed simultaneously. Kurama's was more of a surprised yelp, Eclipse's was a 'YOU SICKO, SHUT UP!' kind of exclaimation.

"Oh, yes, she never told you? Eclipse wants to bear your children."

"I'm sure Youko wouldn't object, but..."

"SHE'S LYING!" Eclipse screamed. "I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH BEARING ANYONE'S CHILDREN! WHY ARE YOU SAYING SUCH THINGS?"

"Because you and Yusuke think I'm gonna start popping out miniature Hiei replicas any day now and it pisses me off!" Shadow snapped. "So you love Kurama and Yusuke loves Kuwabara and that leaves me and Hiei so maybe we _will_ just go off and multiply profusely! Before you know it you'll be up to your eyeballs in black haired fire children! OKAY? OKAY? HUH? AND THEN THOSE EYEBALLS WILL BE GOUGED OUT AND YOU WILL _DIE_!"

Everyone stared in silence. Shadow stood there with her shoulders heaving as she panted for breath.

"Well that was unprovoked," Kuwabara muttered.

"**NO IT WASN'T! _YOU'RE_ THE ONLY ONE ASIDE FROM HIEI WHO HASN'T SAID ANYTHING ABOUT ME HAVING CHILDREN!** Oh dear, that's frightening. Kuwabara has more sense then all of you? Than _you_, Kurama!"

"I never-"

"You came up to check that we weren't! That's as good as!"

"Yusuke _told_ me to!" he whined. "Besides, Kuwabara's probably still stuck on Hiei's previous attitude of 'pissy little fire demon.' He still thinks Hiei would never consider impregnating you but _I KNOW BETTER!_"

"What!" Hiei cried. "I feel betrayed, Fox!"

"Why?"

"That _you_, my good friend, would accuse me of wanting to steal a young girl's virginity and force her to carry a child! She's only sixteen, Kurama!"

"So?"

"So I'm a lot older than that!"

"You know very well age differences are nothing to demons when it comes to mating. You're just using ningen excuses to try to fool people who are unaccustomed to demon ways."

"I'm using ningen excuses because we're in Ningenkai and demon ways aren't commonly accepted here!"

"The only ningen among us is Kuwabara and he'd have no problems accepting the age difference thing. The only thing he'd have problems with was the shock of you being a father! And he could get over that. You don't _look_ all that much older than her. People wouldn't be able to tell the difference. They already assume you're either related or married."

"Are you _trying_ to destroy any reasons there are not to mate with her?"

"I'm just trying to get it through to all of you that there's no reason you couldn't."

"What if I really am related to him!" Shadow cried, grabbing Kurama's shoulders. "What if he's my father and I didn't know? He's old enough! He was in Makai when I was born!"

"Yeah, but didn't you say you lived with your parents until they _died_?"

"Or faked their own death. I wasn't even ten. It was very traumatic for me," Shadow said in a cheerful matter-of-fact tone. "But I don't really care anymore cuz I'm over my traumatic past. And it was very traumatic, let me tell you."

"Was it? Care to tell us about it?" Yusuke asked curiously.

"No. Because then, I'll be _very_ upset and Hiei will have to cuddle me in his arms and whisper sweet nothings in my ear to console me until I stop crying."

"... What if he refused?"

"Then I'd probably kill myself."

"Koenma would send you back. There's no way Reikai is ready for you, whether your death is in their books or not."

"Then if he refused, I would turn to Kurama and end up getting screwed by Youko because I'd be in such an emotional state of weakeness that I wouldn't be able to refuse his soft, sexy voice and sensual touch. And I would _beg_ for him to-"

"Shadow! For God's sake, don't go into detail there!" Hiei choked, putting his hand over her mouth. She blinked, then Hiei cried out in disgust and pulled his hand away, wiping it on his pants. "She _licked_ me!"

She grinned at him over her shoulder, then stuck out her tongue and wiggled it at him. "Yummy."

Yusuke gagged. Kurama put a hand over his face and turned away a bit. Eclipse, mummy bandages and all, fell right out of the chair she was propped up in and she started thrashing and wailing on the floor in pain. Nobody noticed. Kuwabara was just staring in disgust. Hiei continued distractedly wiping his hand on his pants, though it was more than likely clean by now, and stared at Shadow with slightly wide eyes and a bit of a slack jaw. Taking in all their reactions, the girl burst out laughing.

"Oh, God, you people are so funny. I love you guys... So easily freaked out." She drew Kurama and Hiei, the two nearest, into a sudden hug and they gagged as she constricted their lungs.

"Shadow! Can't breathe!" they wheezed. She blinked and dropped them suddenly.

"Sorry 'bout that, then. As I said a while ago, Hiei couldn't be my father because I lived with the guy for enough of my life that I remember that he wasn't Hiei. Unless it really WAS Hiei and... Well, no, sixteen years ago Hiei was still a crab and would want nothing to do with a ningen... He wouldn't now. So that rules that out. Why would you people be that stupid? How could Hiei be my father? What's wrong with you?"

"We never said he was... We said he was your lover. _You_ said he could be your father," Yusuke said. "But he's not, and you've got my curiosity peaked about your past. I'm gonna nag at you about it until you tell me."

"You're gonna be nagging for a _long time_ Yusuke because I learned the art of **selective hearing** many years ago."

"Selective hearing my shoe! That's just an excuse you use when you were zoning out!"

"What? I wasn't listening," Shadow said cluelessly. Yusuke groaned.

"Fine, I won't nag at you."

"Thank you, Yusuke," she said sweetly, smiling and batting her eyelashes.

"Now... what were we talking about before we got sidetracked?" Kurama asked.

"I have no idea," the rest replied.

"Eclipse doesn't look like she's having fun, you know that?" Shadow said dryly, pointing. Eclipse was still thrashing around on the floor. Kurama let out and yelp and he and Kuwabara dragged her back into the chair and propped her up again.

"YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" the girl threatened. "THE SECOND I HEAL, I'LL KILL YOU!" She went into fits of maniacal laughter. "Except I might spare Kuwabara, cuz he's actually a nice guy if you get over the fact that he's ugly and dumb as a rock... BUT THE REST OF YOU WILL DIE!" She continued laughing.

"You won't kill Kurama," Shadow said. "He's going to make your hurty places go away."

"Hurty places! How's he gonna get rid of my entire body!"

"Cannibalism," Shadow replied simply. Kurama's jaw dropped.

"That's sick," Hiei muttered. Shadow grinned.

"I _know!_ Why do you think I said it?"

Hiei sighed, trying again to remember why he lived with this girl and associated with these people.

* * *

**Miss Shadow will warn you: Romance starts next chapter.** -groan- Cursed freakin' romance... Damn them and their love. I hate love. I even drew a nice picture titled "Love Sucks" that's pretty gory and has lots of blood. Got the idea on Valentine's Day. -evil grins- Anyways... Next chapter. **Romance. Love. Romance.** If I had a flashy sign, I'd wave it around. **Romance. Love. Romance. Love. Love. Romance. Romance. Love. Love. **

**GOT IT?**


	8. The Icky Romance Chapter

**(Thursday 3-3-05)** I wanted to get this posted before I went to Eclipse's house... I started writing chapter seventeen at about 2:05 AM this morning... Teehee...  
I discovered this awesome band called **Nightwish...** I found one of their CDs on BMG music's website... Guess what I'm gonna be buying as soon as I have money... After my birthday... **My birthday is March 14th...** Less than two weeks! Yay!

**Thank you reviewers! 156 reviews at the moment, and I'm not even halfway through posting it! Yays!  
Just to let you know, I hate this chapter. I think it's written badly... -sigh- Oh wells... Onward... -sigh...-

* * *

**

**CHAPTER EIGHT  
**The Icky Romance Chapter...

The weeks passed without great amounts of important events. Shadow got home after her detentions in time to take a shower and make dinner (usually ramen) before settling down to watch TV until odd hours of the morning, instead of doing her homework. Eclipse missed an entire week of school because of the weasel attack. Everybody thought she was dead, since the previous Saturday a whole crapload of people had witnessed Hiei beat the shit out of her for losing the soccer game. Kurama... well, come on, this is Kurama we're talking about. Ryu Obake, the prankster, continued hanging around them in all the classes they shared. And Hiei continued beating up Hiroshi Nakada every time the fool started a fight with him or his friends. He needed it.

English was a favorite class of Shadow's. She liked the teacher, and she liked being able to compete with Kurama and the Miller girl. And she also liked tormenting Ayame and a few of Kurama's other fangirls in the class. Wait, no, everyone in the class but her and Eclipse was in one of the wannabe-official Shuuichi Minamino Fan Clubs...

Well anyway, since they were studying the English language, customs and other such stuff, when it came around to that season of Thanksgiving, Black-sensei made sure to inform them all of it. He also had a little activity.

"I would like you all to write something you are thankful for, and why it is important to you. In English. One paragraph, due at the end of class."

Everyone shuffled around for a paper. They still had a half an hour of class left, so it should have been no problem for anyone to finish. Shadow, finishing first in her group of friends, leaned back and watched Kurama write. Then she watched Eclipse write. The second the fox was done, Shadow snatched his paper off his desk.

"Hey!"

"You can read mine." She tossed hers at him and sat back to read his.

_I am thankful for a lot of things, so it is hard to choose just one. I suppose what I'm most thankful for is my mother._ At this point, Shadow made an 'awwww' noise and Kurama looked up.

"You're such a sweet little mommy's boy," she said, handing him back the paper without finishing it.

"And you're such a sweet little liar," he retorted quietly, grinning.

"Lie? I would never."

"_'In all honesty I would have to say that what I am most thankful for is my friends. Without them, I would still be living with my _foster parents_ in the Netherworld, A.K.A. a run-down apartment building on the worst side of an already bad town. However, a couple years ago I met the people I know now and managed to get taken into care by Shuuichi's mother after convincing authorities that my foster parents were abusive. When that didn't quite work out, _Hiei invited me to live with him. _I'm still living there to this day and very happily too, I might add.'_ You're full of crap, Shadow."

"At least the first sentence was true!" she said, grinning. Kurama read it again.

"Well I'm glad you appreciate us," he said.

"You know I appreciate you! If I didn't appreciate you guys, why would I be nice to you? You've done a lot for me!"

"Yeah, we have."

"And I'm grateful!"

"Good."

Shadow thought for a second. "I wanna go to gym."

Eclipse rolled her eyes. "I think you're a bit obsessed.

"Surgically attached," Kurama agreed.

"Do I _look_ like I'm surgically attached to anyone?"

"No, you don't. You also look like you're talking while everyone else is working," Black-sensei said from behind them. Shadow's eyes widened a bit and she grinned.

"Gomen," she said. "We're done with our papers, though."

"Why do you want to go down to the gym?"

"Cuz Hiei's down there."

"Ah, yes. Hiei's quite an interesting character, don't you think?"

"Yeah, he's interesting," Kurama agreed, grinning and looking at Shadow. "Especially if you knew him before he met Shadow."

"Oh? Why's that?"

"He was a heartless bastard before he met her. Excuse my language."

"He wasn't entirely heartless," Shadow said defensively. "You guys managed to poke fun at him without being beheaded, so he obviously had something of a heart. But he's like the Grinch who stole Christmas! And he would steal Christmas, too, by the way, if you gave him the chance."

"You know that story?" Black said. Shadow nodded. "Hm."

"What is that story?" Eclipse asked.

"The Grinch lived up in the mountains and hated Christmas, but the people who lived below him loved it and were happy and sang a lot and were very Christmasy people, and he hated them, so he decided that if he stole all their presents and decorations and everything related to Christmas, Christmas wouldn't come, and they would be very sad," Shadow said, nodding. "He was mean. And green."

"That sounds exactly like Hiei. But how is that anything related to having a heart?"

"The Grinch realized Christmas was more than presents and his heart grew three times its normal size and he returned all the presents instead of throwing them over a cliff," Kurama told her dryly. "Shadow meant that when she met Hiei his heart grew."

Black-sensei laughed. "I'm giving the two of you bonus points for that. Just because I'm feeling generous."

"Awesome!" Shadow cheered. She snatched back her 'I am thankful' paper from Kurama and wrote in scribbley letters at the bottom, "I'm also thankful I have a totally awesome English teacher. He gives me bonus points, and my grade goes UP."

Black read it and laughed. "I can only assume you already knew all about Thanksgiving, too. What else do you guys know?"

"The entire English language," Shadow said. "A lot about most of their holidays and some history and... I know a bunch of swear words and insults in a lot of other languages, too. They're framed up on my wall alongside my photos of friends."

Black quirked an eyebrow. "Indeed."

"Yes indeed, sir! As a matter of fact, I was going to celebrate a traditional American Thanksgiving anyway." The man looked at her, seeming impressed.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really! Wasn't I, fox?"

"Oh, yeah, you were."

"You were?" Eclipse asked. Shadow flung her eraser at her friend.

"Yes!"

"Oh! Oh yeah, that's right! Having an eraser slammed into my nose suddenly helped me remember!"

Shadow sighed. However, the bell rang before Black could continue the discussion. The trio left the room, rather oblivious to the venomous glares shot at them by the Miller girl.

Shadow split off from the group to go to her locker, and the second Kurama had turned the corner, it seemed like every girl in the hallway converged on Shadow's locker. She stared at the mob of red-clad fangirls blocking her locker door.

"Move," she said flatly, returning their cold stare, "or die."

"Why don't you wear the school uniform, Jaganshi? Think you're too good for us?"

"Yes. Move."

The leader girl stuttered a bit before another girl spoke up. "We've noticed the way you fawn over Shuuichi! We suggest you leave him alone."

"We? I find it amusing how you act as if you're all a whole. With a collective mind."

"And the way you cling to Jaganshi-sensei. That's disrespectful, and besides, he wouldn't want somebody like you anyway!" another girl spoke up. At this, Shadow stared. Her slack jaw slowly lifted and she smiled, then burst into hysterics.

"Move," she ordered, now grinning. "I gotta get to my locker."

"No. You've got no business hanging on Shuuichi. We've known him longer. We have seniority. And Jaganshi-sensei, too. He's at least ten years older than you. It's just wrong for you to be"

"Yes, well, they're both mine. I'm surprised you even knew a word like 'seniority.' Does it make you feel smart? Because you aren't. Now move your dumb asses out of my way before I knock you all out and stuff you into a locker," Shadow said coldly.

"What do you mean they're both yours! You're just a disobedient, ugly, scrawny little girl!"

"Like you have room to talk! You think you're pretty or something? You have to cake on fifty pounds of make-up just to feel good about yourselves! And what do you mean 'scrawny'? You witches look like you're anorexic! You probably _are_! You just _have_ to stay skinny in order to impress _Shuuichi_, don't you? Well let me tell you, I was closer to him the day we met than any of you ever have been or ever will be! And as for _Hiei_, we aren't even _going_ there! Now **GET OUT OF MY WAY**," Shadow said. At that precise minute, the bell rang. The other girls scattered, running to their classes. Shadow opened her locker, grabbed her science book, and slammed her locker. She heard some stuff fall inside, but ignored it. Then she calmly _walked_ towards the science room, where awaited her Tayama-sensei's sentencing to Detention of Death.

"**WHY ARE YOU LATE?**" he shouted the second she walked in the door.

"I was mugged by armed samurai warriors in the hallway. They stole my science book and I had to beat them down to get it back," she told him seriously. Then she added, a bit more cheerfully, "I have their heads in my locker if you'd like me to prove it."

"You have detention! Late for class, attitude with the teacher," he said as he wrote a detention slip. "Report back here after school today. I understand you have to stay every day anyway."

"Yes I do, because I'm a non-conformist," she said, taking the slip he handed her and sticking it in her pocket. She went and sat down. Kurama looked at her curiously.

"Fangirl encounter," she whispered. "First time this year. I'm surprised I went this long without one."

"**Talking in class!**" Tayama shouted. "I'll find a lot for you to do after school today, Jaganshi!"

"Yes sir," she said derisively. "I look forward to it."

Shadow's mood had not improved by their kokugo class. Sato-sensei cheerfully imformed them their essay for the day was, "What is your best quality?" The girl aggitatedly started her sarcastic response.

_"My best quality is my eagerness to please, my decisiveness, my steel trap of a memory, my stunning looks, my amazing energy and go-get-'em attitude, and my abundance of love and acceptance for every pathetic little pion in this world..._

_Yeah, I think that's it. My best quality is my ability to tell a convincing lie... Either that or my ability to do things no other girl my age can do, for example, convince Shuuichi Minamino to go on a date with me. He'd do that. Do you have any idea how many fangirls he's acquired over the past 3 or 4 years? He's got millions! MILLIONS, I TELL YOU! They swarm around him like flies to a rotting carcass! Or a pile of fresh, steamy manure! It's sickening! However, since Hiei's arrival in Mieou High, their loyalties have been torn. Pity he hates them all... Know what I'd like to do with some of those girls? Put a hot fireplace poker through their eyes! Up their noses! No, it'd be even better to humiliate them... I can think of a few things."_

"Miss Jaganshi!" Sato snapped, reading her response. "What is this!"

"My essay," she replied, picking at her pencil eraser with her fingernails. She pulled the entire thing off and looked bemusedly at the metal pencil end, then at the eraser itself, and flung the eraser towards the garbage can at the front of the room. Sort of. She missed intentionally and it went in the teacher's tea cup. (based on my accidental getting of glitter into my art teacher's tea cup... and not telling her... cuz I hate her... She drank it. I watched her.)

"What kind of a response is this? Do you really think like this?"

"When I'm in a bad mood. But thinking of what I could do to those girls with this pencil soothes me a bit," Shadow replied, making motions like she was carving out a pumpkin or something with the metal pencil end. Sato stared in absolute flustered horror.

"Go to the office, young lady! I don't want such violence in my class!"

"Okay. Can I have my essay back as evidence to show Yamashita?"

Sato thrust the paper towards Shadow as she got up. She took it and went to the door, opening it and flashing a grin at Kurama before slipping out into the hall and taking off running. She went to the office.

"Ohayou, Shadow," the secretary said, not seeming very surprised to see her.

"Ohayou. Is the principal in his office?"

"Not at the moment. Did you get in trouble again?"

Shadow handed the secretary her essay. The woman read it over and gave Shadow a "Sha-_dow..._" look. You know, that exasperated look... Like, 'WHY DID YOU DO THIS?'

"I ran into Shuuichi's fan club. They made me late for science and I have to go to Tayama's room for detention today. He hates me, so I'm sure I'll probably be slaving over something... He'll be standing behind me with a whip, hitting me every time I do something he sees as wrong."

The woman laughed a bit. "I don't think it'll be that bad."

"I'm sure you'll be hearing about it."

The office door opened and in walked Yamashita. He stopped before shutting the door and stared at Shadow.

"Jaganshi," he said dryly.

"Ohayou gozaimasu, Yamashita-sensei!" Shadow said politely, bowing. "Sato-sensei got mad at me when I wrote threatening things and she sent me here. I was in a bad mood but my fiery spirit was satisfied when I accomplished my goal of trouble making. Can you reprimand me now?"

"Do you have any other detentions yet today?"

"Yes I do. I have to go to Tayama-sensei's room after school today."

"Then tomorrow you'll be cleaning bathrooms again for disrupting your class." He grabbed a detention slip and filled it out, handing it to Shadow as he walked to his office. She looked at it.

"Hey! This says I'll be cleaning bathrooms for the rest of the month!"

There was no response.

"How unfair," Shadow said. "I kind of like just going to the detention room and sitting there..."

"Well I'm sure the teacher on duty doesn't like that," the secretary said. Shadow shook her head.

"Yamashita knows I'm a little angel. He just leaves me there and comes in to check every twenty minutes. I timed it. He comes in every twenty minutes exactly. To the second."

"Yamashita-san is a very punctual man. He's strict even with himself."

"He's an asshole. Well I'm gonna go back to class now," Shadow said, taking back her essay. "Ja mata, Saki." She darted out the door.

Yes, she _is_ in the office often enough to be on a casual first-name basis with all the secretaries.

She ran back to class, supressing her urge to take a 'wrong turn' and head for the gymnasium. Her cheerful mood was restored and she slid into the room with her hands above her head and did a cartwheel across the front of the room. Everyone stared.

"What are you doing!" Sato snapped. "Didn't you learn something after being sent to the office?"

"I learned that I have to scrub bathrooms for the rest of the month!" Shadow said. "And it doesn't bother me one bit." She skipped back to her seat and sat down.

"Are you going to write a more proper reply to the essay?"

"I rather like mine, actually. Do I have to?"

"You could take a zero."

"Okay. If you're gonna give me a bad grade for creative expression of my feelings, that's not my problem."

"Actually, it is," Sato said angrily. She picked up her mug of tea and started drinking. Suddenly, a disgusted look come over her face and she spit it out in the garbage.

"How's that tea, Sato-sensei?" Shadow asked devilishly, smirking.

"You had something to do with this, didn't you! I'm not in the mood for your behavior, young lady! Go out in the hall and stay there the rest of the period! I want you to write me a page-long apology by the end of class!"

"Rightio," Shadow said, grabbing her books and walking out of the room cheerfully. Everybody stared. Some people hated her (mostly female Shuuichi fans who realized he cared more about this arrogant, selfish bitch than any of them), but others respected her (mostly wannabe troublemakers who looked up to her. And people who thought she was hot).

Shadow sat in the hall and very quickly, in larger-than-normal handwriting, wrote out a sloppy, subliminally insulting apology in about three minutes and pushed it under the door. Then she took off to the gym.

Hiei met her at the door. "You know this isn't the first time you've skipped class. Remember last time?"

"Yes."

"Why do you always pick this class to get in trouble in, anyway?"

"I have detention with Tayama-sensei tonight, and then I'm scrubbing bathrooms for the rest of the month because Yamashita is tired giving me fair punishments. Okay?"

Hiei shrugged. "Whatever."

"So how's your day been?"

"Oh, just peachy."

Shadow peered past Hiei into the gym. "Pardon..." She slipped past him and darted over to Nakada. "What the hell are you doing?"

"What the hell are _you_ doing?" he retorted, looking up from where he had one of the geeky kids in some wrestler's pin.

"Let go of that poor geek before I break your arms off."

"Shadow, it's not your place to break up the fights," Hiei said. She glared, and he smirked. "It's _mine._ And I'm a lot less lenient. Unfortunately... being a teacher, I'd get a nasty punishment for the punishment I'd like to inflict on him. So, Nakada, let's just put it this way: If you cause any more problems in my class, I swear to whatever Gods exist that I will search you out and hurt you, just for the pure hell of it. And I'm not kidding."

Nakada guffawed arrogantly. "Sure, Hiei. How will you find me?"

"I have my ways."

"You're full of it."

Shadow sighed. "Can I just deck him and save us the trouble?"

"Not now. I'm exercising authority right now," Hiei said with a smirk.

"You're exercising your ability to get yourself in a heap of trouble," Kurama said from behind him. Hiei lost the smirk and narrowed his eyes, but did not turn.

"Man, you're like an asshole _magnet_, Hiei!" Nakada snapped. "I'm leaving!" He got up and left the gym. Kurama grabbed Hiei's arm and dragged him away.

"You need to cool it, Hiei," he said. "Threatening him like that..."

"I need a break, fox. I hate ningens more than ever since I got this stupid job, and the only thing keeping me from packing up my very few belongings and vanishing back to Makai is that girl!" he snapped, pointing. Instantly, his eyes widened. Kurama smiled.

"Do you know what you just said?"

Hiei swore under his breath. "Forget you heard it."

"I won't mention it to a soul. Now about your anger management issues..."

The class, meanwhile, was trying to listen in on the conversation. Shadow saw the imminent danger of what unpleasant things would happen if the class heard whatever it was the demons were discussing. She put herself between the students and her friends and jumped around until she got their attention.

"Okay, kids! Let's sing a bit to keep our minds occupied! Do you know Jingle Bells? On three! One, two..."

Everybody instantly put their attentions back on Kurama and Hiei.

"Okay, you bastards," Shadow muttered thoughtfully. She jumped up and down screaming until she once again had their attentions. "We're going outside."

"You can't tell us what to do!"

Shadow glared. "Fine." She spun around and walked towards the pair conversing in the corner. Grabbing their sleeves, she dragged them into the boys locker room. The class stared in horror.

"She can't go in there," one boy said.

"What the hell are you doing?" Hiei snarled.

"See?" Kurama said. The fire demon glared.

"I'm not going to you damned ningen anger management."

"If you're going to be dealing with ningens, it's best you do everything like them. Shadow's massages only work so long, you know. Like, until she ticks you off again," Kurama pointed out.

"Me!" Shadow yelped. "Wait, anger management!"

"Ignore him," Hiei snarled.

"You're going," Kurama said.

"There is no way in the seven circles of Hell that I am going to go see some stupid ningen that has no more than a piece of paper saying they know what they're doing! Shadow's probably more educated than they are, and she's sixteen!"

"And a half," the girl added.

"I know how you feel, Hiei, but you can't keep threatening people. They could report you."

"I don't _care_, Kurama, don't you get it!"

"Yes. I understand it completely. But a certain girl does care, I believe, and you don't want to upset her, do you? That's why you got the job in the first place, isn't it?"

Hiei looked at Shadow's pleading face and Kurama smiled at the change only a trained eye would see.

"You'll go then?"

Hiei sighed, looking at his friend. "Once. Ningens can't help demons, though, you know that."

"Try it out. I'm not going to force you to go more than once. I'll set up the appointment."

After a second, Hiei blinked and looked at Shadow. "What the hell are you doing in the boy's locker room!"

"Convincing you to go to anger management, dear."

Hiei glared. "I don't like you, Shadow."

"What!" Tears welled up in her ruby red eyes. "All this time you've been lying to me!"

Meanwhile, out in the gym, only a small group of people were still holding any hope of the trio coming out of the room. Everybody else had adopted one boy's suggestion that they'd gone in there to have a threesome, and had gone off to play basketball.

Back in the locker room, Shadow was bawling fakely against Kurama and refusing to acknowledge Hiei.

"Come on, Shadow, I know you're not serious and you know I wasn't serious. Eclipse is going to be angry if she finds out you were hanging off Kurama like that."

"What!" Kurama yelped. Shadow stopped her fake bawling and looked at the redhead.

"You _are_ in a relationship with her, _aren't you?_"

Kurama moved his mouth soundlessly, then replied, "Not exactly."

"But it fits! You two are the only ones single!"

"Wait, since when are we officially a couple!" Hiei said. "I know that's what you're implying by that, Shadow, and I didn't exactly agree to it."

"Of course you did, Hiei," she replied simply.

Kurama grinned at the annoyed look on his friend's face. "No need to hide it, Hiei. Everybody knows you have feelings for her."

"Hn."

"Don't revert back to your monosyllables, Hiei!" Shadow snapped.

"Leave me alone, woman! I already agreed to your stupid ningen anger management. I can speak in monosyllables if I want to."

"Whatever, we'll discuss it later. Back to you, Kurama, and your relationship with Eclipse."

"I don't _have_ a relationship with Eclipse!"

"She'll be most displeased when I tell her that," Shadow said. She nodded and kissed Hiei's cheek before opening the door and walking casually out of the boy's locker room of Mieou High like it was nothing unusual. The class stared. It wasn't until she'd reached the door that she realized they were staring and turned.

"Can I _help_ you fellows with something?"

"What the hell were you doing in the locker room?"

"Yeah, and where's Jaganshi-sensei?"

"And Minamino!"

"Yeah, really!"

Shadow groaned. "Damned immature high school boys... CAN'T FRIENDS HAVE A CIVILIZED CONVERSATION WITHOUT PEOPLE THINKING LEWD THINGS ABOUT IT! OBSCENE, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE! YOU'RE ALL SO IMMATURE!" She left.

"She sure told you, didn't she?" Hiei said, stepping out of the locker room with Kurama shortly behind him. "Keep your perverted minds to yourselves." He turned on Kurama. "And you, fox, should get back to class. What the hell are you doing down here anyway?"

"Sato-sensei sent me to find Shadow. I knew exactly where she'd be, but Sato doesn't know that. The time spent down here could just as easily have been time spent searching the halls for the elusive Mrs. Jaganshi. Ja mata." He walked away. It took Hiei a second to realize Shadow had just been called 'Mrs. Jaganshi' by the fox, and he knew exactly what that meant.

"HEY, YOU STUPID BOY!" Hiei yelled, tearing out the door before it had even closed behind Kurama. The class stared. In the hall, Kurama spun to fend against Hiei, a smile on his face. "Where do you get off calling her 'Mrs. Jaganshi'! Jaganshi isn't even a real name! It's just a title she has no right to bear, and technically _doesn't_, and she is _not_ married to me, and we are not going to _get_ married, or bonded in any way, and we are not going to mate, we have not mated, and I have no plans of mating with her! I wish you people would just drop your stupid hints right out the window, because I'm sick of you dropping them on me!"

Kurama snorted, highly amused, but quickly covered it up when Hiei glared. "Sorry, that just sounded really funny."

"I don't _care_."

"But Hiei, you can't get angry about it. You practically admitted you love her"

"I do not and I didn't."

"and denying it now will not make me forget it. I don't hold anything _against_ you, you know. You might see it as your getting soft, but I think it's a step in the right direction for you. You need somebody to be close to."

"Shut the fuck up. If I wanted to be close to somebody, I would have found somebody a long time ago. There were certainly plenty willing to let me."

Kurama chuckled. "But they didn't manage. Shadow penetrated the defenses you've put around your heart."

Hiei clenched his teeth. "You know," he started, grabbing the front of Kurama's uniform and dragging him down to his level, "I would like to pummel you, fox." He let go. "The hallway outside a high school gymnasium is no place for the conversation we're havingif there _is_ a place for it, which I don't think there isand if I wanted to hear about some half-ningen girl 'penetrating my heart' or whatever the fuck you said, I would just have to hang around Yusuke and the baka. They'd say the same thing in a much less poetic and much more comprehensible manner, and I'd find it far more easy to break their faces than yours."

Kurama had kept an unusual grin on his face the entire time, and it was starting to get on Hiei's nerves. He rather abruptly realized it reminded him of Yusuke.

"I think it's cute," the redhead said finally. "There's nothing wrong with it. Now if you don't mind, I have to return to my class."

"I hate you, Kurama. I really do," Hiei growled. Kurama just grinned over his shoulder and strolled down the hall. The fire demon watched him until he turned out of sight, then went back into the gym. Still so much time in class left, and he really didn't want to deal with these ningens at this moment. He went in the locker room and into his office, sat down, and put his head down on his arms on the desk. If the kids wanted to get into some big everyone-for-himself brawl, more power to 'em. They couldn't get into trouble once they were unconscious.

He ignored it when they all came in and changed, and he didn't move when the bell rang. Only when somebody came in after the late bell and stood in front of his desk for five minutes straight in total silence did he look up. It didn't startle him in the least to find Shadow standing in front of his desk, Kurama in the doorway, and Eclipse wandering around the locker room attempting to open the locks.

"Kurama says you're pissed at him," Shadow said plainly. No hello. No "are you okay?" Straight to the point. Nice.

"So?"

"He wouldn't tell me what he did, but when you weren't in the cafeteria, he admitted you'd seemed pretty mad at him."

"Oh. So he neglected to tell you what he _did_."

"Yes. But if you're pissed, he'll apologize."

Hiei gave the redhead a look that plainly said, "Well you heard her. I'm pissed. Apologize, bastard."

"I'm sorry, Hiei. I was just kidding."

"Better now?" Shadow asked.

"Not really, but it'll have to do."

"So what'd he do?"

"He can tell you."

"I was teasing him about you," Kurama admitted. "Well, about his feelings for you, and how well he's hiding them."

"That'd be _'not very well'_!" Eclipse called from somewhere across the room.

"WHO ASKED YOU!"

"Nobody!"

"Exactly..."

"Okay, Kurama... So you know he's sensitive about emotions and yet you tease him about them anyway? You could damage his self-confidence, you know. I've been working at making him comfortable with his emotions and you could ruin all the work I've put into it! Hiei's really a very sensitive person," Shadow said, hugging Hiei close to her. "He's just afraid to show emotions for fear of rejection. Poor little guy's been rejected all his life... Don't you feel bad for him?"

"No!" Eclipse shouted.

"Eclipse!" Kurama reprimanded.

"Sorry!"

"Yes, I feel bad for him," the redhead said.

"I don't need your pity, fox," Hiei said. "I don't need yours, either, Shadow. And I'm not _afraid_ to show emotions."

"You don't need my pity but you secretly want it, and you _are_ afraid to show emotions. Don't try to fool me, Hiei, I see past your tough-guy exterior to the timid sweetheart within."

Hiei groaned. "Cut me a break, I'm not _that_ soft. You make me sound like a little boy with a crush who doesn't know what to do. I know what to do, Shadow. I know perfectly well. It's just doing it that I refuse."

"Because...?"

"Are we turning this into a counseling session?" he asked. "Because I'm not in the mood, and this is not the place."

"Very well. What do you want for dinner tonight?" the girl asked, rather abrputly changing the subject.

"I don't know," Hiei sighed.

"Anything. I feel like making you something special."

"Why, because I'm a timid little boy who doesn't know what to do with his emotions so you'll fix me up a nice hot meal to help me forget?"

"No, because you're my friend and I owe you after Kurama pissed you off. Me apologizing for him."

"Don't apologize for me, Shadow, I can do that on my own," Kurama insisted.

"Shut up," she snapped. "Hiei's going through emotional trauma right now, can't you see? He has to be alone with me to sort out his feelings!"

"I think he's already got them pretty well sorted," Eclipse said, suddenly in the doorway next to Kurama. He jumped, Hiei glared, and Shadow stuck out her tongue.

"Why don't you go home and contemplate your feelings for the sexy fox, Eclipse. Leave me alone to contemplate my feelings for the sexy fire demon. Leave the sexy fire demon alone to contemplate his feelings for little ordinary boring and plain me, who is oh-so-pathetic and unworthy of his love."

"Shut up, Shadow," Hiei said. She stuck out her bottom lip in a pouty childlike way.

"Fine. Be that way," she said, finally letting go of him and stepping back.

"I just realized Shadow had her arms around him and he wasn't resisting it," Eclipse said. "What does that tell you?"

"That Hiei's cold and needed her warmth to keep from shivering," Kurama said. "Or at least, that's what he'll tell anyone who asks."

"Hiiiiiei, why didn't you push Shadow away when she engaged you in that emotional gesture?" Eclipse asked.

"Shut the fuck up, Eclipse."

"Or he could always say _that_..." Kurama muttered.

"Whatever floats your boat, kiddo," Eclipse said. She patted Hiei on the head like a dog and returned to her attempts of opening one of the many lockers.

"So let's go back over what we've learned here today," Shadow said. "Kurama and Eclipse have feelings for each other. They want to make mad passionate love in a janitor's closet. Eclipse wants to marry Kurama and bear his weirdo children."

"Replace those names with Hiei and Shadow and you're good to go," Eclipse said, flinging a lock at Shadow.

"But seriously, Kurama, you've been harassing Hiei about his feelings for me, now what did you learn from it? Did anyone benefit in any way?"

"We all benefitted. Hiei now knows that I think his relationship with you is perfectly fine. I now know that he's in major denial, but you realize that and are willing to help him past it, if you haven't already and it's not just a front. I suspect it is all just a front and he's really a very tender, caring person towards you when nobody's around."

"Well here's what I learned: Hiei doesn't need anger management, he needs _RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING!"_ Eclipse said. She danced away before Hiei could tear her limb from limb.

"And I learned that whatever Hiei needs, he can get it from **me**. Take that however you like," Shadow said. "He knew that already, though."

"I learned that I hate every single last one of you, even Yusuke and Kuwabara, and I would much enjoy torturing you all to death. I would laugh," Hiei told them coldly. Shadow looked at him sadly.

"Even me? You'd kill me?"

"Hn."

"ANSWER ME WITH A YES OR A NO!"

"No, Shadow. I'll show favoritism and instead of torturing you physically I'll torture you sexually by refusing to fulfill your desires," Hiei retorted finally. Shadow blinked.

"Well I didn't see that coming..."

"And you'll eventually go mad and rape me," the fire demon said. "So in the end I would probably suffer most from it."

"I would never make you suffer, Hiei. I wouldn't rape you."

"You would if I kept you in the basement for years and taunted you and refused to give you what you begged for."

"Well, maybe, because I'd be driven mad."

"That's what I said."

"So you'd have Eclipse, Kurama, Yusuke, and Kuwabara tied up some place and you'd be whipping them and laughing at their pain, then when you were tired of hearing screams of pain and seeing blood, you'd..."

"Leave them hanging, come to you, and listen to your pleading screams of pleasure while"

"DUDE!" Eclipse snapped. "You are SICK! Fox! What the fuck were you saying about him not expressing himself or whatever! You're delusional! And _you_'re sick! That's disgusting! You'd tie her up in the basement and make her your sex slave! You'd play creepy kinky bondage games and stuff, like with handcuffs? Would she be naked all the time? What would you feed her? How would you keep anyone from finding out!"

Hiei looked at the horrified girl, snorted back laughter, then buried his face against Shadow's shoulder and laughed hysterically. The black-haired girl joined him, her arms around him as she leaned on him helplessly. They laughed about everything that had happened since the second Kurama had entered the gymnasium in search of Shadow. It had taken a while, but the comedy of the situation finally sank in and they laughed until their eyes watered and they were kneeling on the floor in helpless fits, their diaphragms seizing up and no breath reaching their lungs.

"I don't get what's so funny," Kurama muttered. Eclipse blinked.

"Me neither. Think they're on something?"

"They're high on love."

Shadow slid onto her side and lay on the floor, her smile-muscles twitching as she gasped for breath, Hiei laid out across her looking equally as hysterical.

"I'm high..." Shadow panted, hiccupping, "on Freaky Makai Plants."

Hiei blinked, also hiccupped, then dragged himself to his feet with the corner of his desk. "I'm not high on anything." He hiccupped. Shadow looked at him, then snorted and burst into hysterical laughter again.

"What _now?_" Kurama asked.

"He looks so funny" Hic. "when he hiccups!"

"She's gonna need a hall pass, Hiei. She'll be late to math, no doubt, at this rate. I'm gonna go get some lunch while I still can. Sorry to have teased you." Kurama waved. "Don't do anything you shouldn't in here."

"Yeah. No sex slave things," Eclipse said, then hurried after Kurama as if she were afraid to be left alone near the couple for too long.

Shadow sat up and leaned against the wall, a genuinely joyful smile on her face. Hiei looked down at her, also smiling, but less widely. She patted the floor next to her.

"Come sit."

Hiei obeyed.

"Now, about dinner. I honestly want to make you something nice, Hiei. I promise I won't bail out on it like last time."

"Even though you've got a detention with Tayama?"

"I don't cHow'd you know?"

"A little bird told me?"

Shadow shrugged. "Whatever. If you don't tell me what you want, I'll make something and probably overwork myself. Then I won't move for the rest of the day."

"If that's what you want."

Shadow sighed. "Fine." She leaned over and hugged Hiei. "Y'know, I'm rather tired of school at this point. I just want to go home and curl up in bed..."

"Skip detention. I'll make an excuse for you."

"Would you? I would love you forever."

Hiei chuckled. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you!" She kissed his cheek.

"No problem." He stood. "C'mon. Locker Room Counseling is closed for the day."

Health class drove Shadow out of her mind. Eclipse kept shooting her looks that said, "You and Hiei would enjoy doing that, wouldn't you?" After about three times, Shadow waited until Etsuko-sensei said something very lewd before hissing, "Gee, Eclipse, sounds like fun. Why don't you and Kurama try it out and tell me how it goes. If it's worthwhile, tell me. I'd just love to try it out during my next feral sex session with Hiei."

Eclipse didn't shoot her any more suggestive looks. As a matter of fact, she was so disgusted, she didn't look at Shadow at all for the rest of the day. The fire demon girl wore a smirk as they walked into the gym.

Hiei was in plain view. He'd grown tired of waiting for his pathetic excuses for students to find him in his various perches around the gym after about a week. Shadow instantly went to him.

"Did you get me out of detention?"

"I got you out of Tayama's detention," he said.

"I don't like how you word that."

"Now you have detention with me. You'll serve Tayama's on Monday."

"Monday?"

"Well, you were such a disobedient child today, Shadow, that I have to have you clean the entire gymnasium and both locker rooms. That'll take a while, you know."

"Oh. Yes, of course."

"Even the ceiling."

"Yes."

"The basketball hoops."

"Naturally."

"The doorknobs and the hinges."

"Wouldn't dream of leaving those out."

"Then afterwards you can go home and sleep. I'll make dinner."

Shadow blinked. "You'll burn down the kitchen."

"Nonsense."

The girl didn't argue further. The class was coming in, and she didn't want to be overheard.

"We'll discuss it later."

"There is no discussion, Shadow. Now you're excused from activities today due to your injury. You'd damn well better heal quickly, 'cause you've got a gymnasium to scrub."

"Yes sir," Shadow replied, limping away. Kurama stared as she went over and plopped down in the corner.

"What was that all about?" he hissed to Hiei.

"She's suffering overload. She can live with it, but it's a lot easier for her to just get some time to relax, or not only will she need anger management, she'll need a lawyer and somebody to break her out of prison. That'd be you, Kurama."

"Why me!"

Hiei clapped his hands once as the late bell rang. "You've got free time today. I have some things I need to attend to." He went over to Shadow and sat next to her.

"I'm a thing now?"

"No, I just need to discuss some things with you and that's what I'd be attending to."

"I see."

Needless to say, Shadow didn't really scrub the gymnasium after school. After the last bell, after the school had settled down and everyone was gone, Shadow turned to Hiei.

"So what'd I do?" she asked.

"What?"

"To have such a terrible detention."

"Oh. You were threatening me."

"Threatening! I would _never_."

"I'm sure."

Shadow leaned against Hiei. "Wake me up when it's time to go."

"Right." He put his arm around her. She was shortly asleep. And about half an hour later, Yamashita entered the gym.

"What the hell is going on here!" he yelled. Hiei opened one eye and looked up at the man.

"She's not feeling well."

"Doesn't she have detention?"

"Yes. But she's not feeling well. And as far as I know, if you force her to do anything when she's not fit, it could be considered child abuse. It isn't against child labour laws, is it?"

"She's not a child!"

"She's sixteen. Adults are eighteen. Fuck off."

Yamashita glared. "I could fire you, Jaganshi."

"Nope. I'm off work."

The man fumed. "This is inexcuseable!" He stormed off. Hiei blinked.

"Well... Get up, Shadow," he said, jabbing her in the ribs. She grunted and wrapped her arms around him, refusing to wake up. With a sigh, he lifted her in his arms and carried her out the nearest door. Taking off running, he was home in no time. He stopped in front of the porch steps and blinked.

"What're you doing here!"

Ryu was sitting on the porch. He jumped. "Where'd you come from! You just appear like that all the time!"

"What are you _doing_ here, Ryu?"

"Oh. Right." He looked at Hiei, then at Shadow. "Is this like, a bad time? What's with her?"

"She's asleep. Now if you don't answer me"

"Right, sorry. My parents majorly ticked me off and I was wondering if I could stay here for a while. Like, over night?" He grinned sheepishly, looking hopeful.

"Uh..." _DAMN NINGENS! I HATE YOU ALL!_ "Your parents won't care?"

"No. They wouldn't care if I died."

"Do they even know where you are?"

"No, but they don't care, like I said."

Hiei sighed, walking up on the porch and pulling the house key out of his pocket, in the process practically dropping the girl in his arms, and opened the door. "Fine."

"Thanks, man. Really."

Hiei scooped Shadow up again and led the way inside. "Why'd you come _here_ of all places?"

"I don't know. I just grabbed my bag and left the house, and next thing I knew, I was here. I wasn't even sure where 'here' was for a while."

"...Okay..." _Weirdo._

"Then I remembered it. I don't know why I would have come here. I usually go to my sister's house when my parents bitch at me."

"Mm-hm," Hiei said, putting Shadow on the couch.

"Maybe I was drawn by some secret force within my soul."

Hiei snorted. "I doubt it, kid."

"Do you believe in all that? Souls and afterlife and all that?"

"You have no idea," the fire demon said. "If I didn't after what's happened to me, I'd be one stupid son of a bitch."

"Why? What's happened to you?"

"Near death experiences past counting." _And I'm a demon, with a third eye and the ability to summon a dragon up from Hell. I've met the son of the God of Death, my friend is a silver kitsune spirit, and the girl laying on the couch is the product of a demon going soft and getting involved with ningens._

"Really? What happened?"

"I told you I'm a martial artist, right?"

"Yeah."

"I fought in tournaments."

"And you almost died?"

"Could have, a couple times. And I had issues as a child."

Shadow made a whimpery noise, yawned, and opened one eye. "Who're you talking to?"

"Your friend Ryu decided to drop by and spend the night," Hiei replied. The girl blinked, then looked across the room.

"Oh. Hey Ryu. Hiei, why am I home?"

"Yamashita got really pissed, said it was inexcuseable, and left, so I brought you home. You wouldn't wake up. I had to carry you."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Forget it."

"What about dinner?"

Hiei looked at Ryu. Shadow followed his gaze. Ryu wilted.

"I'm an inconvenience, aren't I."

"Not at all," Shadow said, getting up. "I've fixed dinner for ten people before, I can fix it for three." She planted a kiss on Hiei's cheek before going over the back of the couch and leaving the room.

"So... You two aren't together?"

"No," Hiei said, "we aren't."

"Are you _sure?_ Because..."

"I'm sure."

"What exactly is your relationship again?"

"Friends."

"Ah... So... Where did you say you lived before coming here?"

Hiei thought for a second. Had he ever said? "It's not important."

"Oh-kay..." He paused. "Can you do a cool fighting demonstration? Like, with Shadow? Sparring or something? A real fight?"

"I would kill her in a _real_ fight," Hiei said. _I could, but I wouldn't._ He mentally hit himself.

"Well, I mean, like..."

"I know what you mean. Maybe. If she's willing." _You'd do some other stuff if she was willing, too, wouldn't you? If you had the balls to do it._ "Excuse me. Stay here." He turned and went into the kitchen. Shadow looked up at him from where she was sitting on the floor in front of a cabinet.

"Hello. Something wrong?"

"Y'know what we were discussing today? Or rather, what Kurama was talking about?"

"Us loving each other? Yes."

"Well, I think we need to discuss that at a more appropriate time. Not now. But soon."

Shadow blinked. "Why?"

"Never mind. We'll discuss it later. Tomorrow."

"Okay... Are you feeling all right?"

"Not really."

"Go rest."

"I'm fine."

"You just said you weren't!"

"I lied."

"Shut up. Go to bed."

Hiei raised an eyebrow. "What about Ryu?"

"Who cares."

"You're very hospitable, Shadow," Eclipse said, appearing out of nowhere next to Hiei. He jumped.

"Jesus Christ, Eclipse!"

"Watch your language, Hiei."

"I'm not Christian, it's not bad."

"GO TO BED, HIEI!" Shadow shouted. "I'll drag you up there and tie you down if you don't."

"Oooh, sounds kinky," Eclipse said. Hiei glared.

"You're sick. I'm leaving." He wasn't kidding, either. He pushed past Eclipse and left the house. Shadow blinked as the front door slammed.

"Good one. Hiei's having some issues. I'm worried," Shadow said.

"Don't worry about him. He's just in love and doesn't know how to deal with it."

"What do you know about love!"

"More than you might think I do!"

"I'm sure you only know what Kurama has taught you," Shadow snapped. She got up and went after Hiei.

"Okay, now _I'm_ worried," Eclipse said to nobody.

"Why?" Ryu asked.

"Hiei's being emotional. Maybe..." She blinked. "Wait, what the fuck are you doing here!"

Shadow darted out on the porch just as the small silhouette of her friend vanished into the forest. She ran after him and caught up easily. But she didn't touch him or speak to him. She followed a few steps behind him, matching his pace, staying silent. He knew she was there and if he felt like talking, he would. In the meantime, Shadow just wanted him to know she was there.

They walked for ten minutes before Shadow realized she knew where they were headed. Hiei was leading her to a pond in the forest. It was a very tranquil place, everything was pleasant there and nothing was wrong. She'd found him there several times, usually asleep. It was like an oasis in the desert.

"What about Eclipse?"

Shadow was startled. "What? Oh, just leaving her there like that?"

"Yeah."

"I don't care. She and Ryu can play poker or something."

Unseen to Shadow, Hiei smiled. "Thank you, Shadow."

The small smile was evident in his soft tone. "It's nothing."

They finished the trip in silence. Reaching the pond, Hiei stood on the shore and stared at the water. Shadow hung back, but he could see her reflection in the water.

"Relax, Shadow," he said. "I'm not about to explode or anything." There was a pause. "I know they were just teasing, but it made me think. About us."

"_Is_ there an 'us,' Hiei?"

"I don't know." He turned to face her. "Do you _want_ that?"

"Should I?"

"I _am_ a Forbidden Child, Shadow."

"I don't care about that."

"You might not, but others do. They want me dead just because it was a sin for me to be born. They don't care what kind of life I've made for myself." A pause. "And besides, a Forbidden Child is not supposed to be loved, and he is not supposed to feel love towards others. He's useless."

"That's stupid. Who would believe that?"

"I did, for a large part of my life."

Shadow shut her mouth, eyes widening a bit. "Oops."

"I know better now, though. You've all changed me. Kurama was the first to show any sort of concern for my well-being. Yusuke and Kuwabara, Yukinaeveryone important in my lifethey all cared. But it wasn't love. And I did not love them. At least..." He looked down and his voice softened, "Not how I love you."

The girl stared, wide-eyed and totally speechless. That had to have been difficult for him. No wonder he'd been so stressed and acting all weird, with _that_ stuff going through his mind.

"And you have nothing to say to that?" he said, looking a bit upset. Shadow shook off the paralysis and went to him, embracing him lovingly.

"I love you too. I have for quite some time. I don't know why I never told you."

He relaxed against her. His mind and emotions were already settling. She hadn't turned him away. For a fleeting second, when she hadn't responded, he'd thought he'd made a big mistake admitting how he felt for her. Perhaps she didn't feel the same way? He didn't think he'd react too well to being betrayed again. That's why he had stayed quiet for so long. That, and denial.

Now he knew that was foolish. She wouldn't reject him. It was stupid of him to even have thought that she might. He felt warm and loved in her arms, and it was something he had never felt before. Never like this. They'd slept in the same bed, in each others arms, but it had never felt like this. This was a very nice feeling.

Abruptly, he realized Shadow was trembling.

"Are you okay?" he asked gently, pulling back to look at her face. She looked on the verge of tears. His eyes widened. "Shadow?"

"I love you, Hiei. I'm happy. I think a part of me believed my feelings were some silly teenage crush, that maybe I'd get over it, because it wasn't like you'd ever return the emotions anyway... You have no idea how I feel right now."

"I'm not even sure how _I_ feel. How could I know the first thing about you?"

Shadow put her arms around him again. "Hold me," she whispered. He put his arms around her and held her close.

_This is all so sudden... Why the hell did my emotions pick today of all days to jump up and bite my ass?_ Hiei thought. _It's okay, though. I'm happy they finally decided to. If it had been up to me, I would have been a dumbass and let this girl slip out of my reach... _

_I can't believe this. It was out of no where. If somebody had told me yesterday that I'd be here in his arms today like this, I would have laughed,_ Shadow mused, a whisper of a smile on her face. _I'm glad he came forward, no matter how abrupt it was._ She hugged him tighter.

Eventually, they parted, and Hiei sat on the edge of the clear pond, idly skipping stones across its still surface. Shadow sat next to him. They didn't need words. Both sat in silence, basking in the warm feelings that were new to them. Not long after, the girl fell asleep, her head resting on Hiei's leg. Hiei looked at her fondly, readjusting himself and laying down next to her.

That's how Kurama found them the next morning.

Eclipse woke up early, before dawn. She found herself showered, dressed, and pacing through the halls looking in every room of the house only half an hour later. When she'd gone through every room, discovered several interesting things she wished she hadn't, and found no sign of the fire demons who had left so abruptly the previous night, she went to the phone and called Kurama's cell phone to keep from waking his mother.

"What?" came the fox's groggy voice after several rings.

"Kurama, I'm worried."

"Eclipse?"

"I ticked off Hiei last night and he left, and Shadow went after him, and they didn't come back yet."

"What?"

"I don't know where they are."

"Mm-hm... How am I supposed to help?"

"Could you use your ki searchy things and whatever?"

The boy mouthed the words 'ki searchy things,' looking confused. "What the hell are you talking about, Eclipse?"

"HIEI AND SHADOW VANISHED AND THEY AREN'T BACK AND I'M WORRIED!"

"I got that much... Do you have any idea where they could be?"

"I think I saw Shadow go in the woods but who knows where they went after that... Could you just come over here? D'you think something might have happened?"

"What did you _do_ to tick him off?"

"That doesn't matter!"

"Were you picking on them again?"

"Maybe..."

Kurama sighed, dragging himself out of bed, grabbing a clean uniform, and heading for the bathroom. "I'll be there in a little bit." He hung up without another word and got in the shower.

Eclipse hung up the phone and, for lack of anything better to do, checked every room again (except the ones she'd marked as having frightening things in them). Of course, her search was no more fruitful this time than the first, because we all know the fire demons were lying in the forest sleeping and therefore were not in any room of the house.

Kurama's car pulled up outside in under half an hour, and he got out, closed the door, and was instantly pinned to his car by a sobbing Eclipse.

"I BET THEY'RE DEAD AND IT'S MY FAULT!"

"They're not dead, Eclipse. But you will be if you ever call my house this early again to make me come out here and find some people who are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves, purely for your peace of mind."

She backed off instantly. "But what if they're dead!"

"They aren't dead."

_'Shuuichi, I think I'm more fit for search and rescue than you are, don't you?'_ Youko said in the back of his head. Kurama rolled his eyes.

_'Whatever will get it done faster. Can I sleep?'_

_'Of course you can, Shuuichi.'_

Youko pushed past the boy's defenses as he let them down, and Eclipse let out a screech and jumped back as the fox emerged. He looked around, reverted to his canine form, and darted into the forest, vanishing in the early morning mist.

He knew Hiei well enough that he could guess all the places the fire demon typically hung out. But Shadow was with him, and taking that into consideration, he narrowed their location down to one of three places in this quadrant of the forest. He just happened to check the right one first.

He knew he was right before he could even see into the clearing. Their unmistakeable scents mingled in the air ahead, and he stepped into the clearing as a humanoid. Sure enough, the two black-haired demons lay close to each other on the soft grass. Actually, close was an understatement. They were so close, Youko thought, that they could have been one person instead of two.

It only took Hiei a second to sense that they were no longer alone. His eyes flickered open and he groaned when he saw who it was.

"Let me guess," the fox started with dry sarcasm. "The birds ate your breadcrumbs?"

"What do you want?"

"Eclipse thinks you went and died. What happened here last night, Hiei?"

"Nothing."

"I know when you're lying."

"Nothing that concerns you, and that's not a lie."

Youko glared. True enough.

Shadow's eyes opened and she first looked at Hiei, then up at Youko. "What's the fox doing here?"

"Search and rescue, keeping Eclipse from hysterics," Youko replied. He sniffed the air and relaxed a little bit. Hiei sighed. Damned fox.

"We didn't do anything, Youko," he said. "Get lost."

"Don't you have a job to go to today?"

"Oh, cut me a break."

"What time is it?" Shadow asked, staring up at the stars.

"Very... _very_ early," the fox growled, and both Hiei and Shadow could guess that Eclipse had probably woken Shuuichi up at home with a hysterical phone call.

Hiei sighed and sat up. Shadow followed suit, yawned, then stood.

"Did you have to look for long?" she asked.

"I came straight here," the fox replied. "You guys could have at least found a less obvious place to hide out."

"We weren't hiding from anything, fox," Hiei said bitterly. "Couldn't you have wandered around a bit more before waking us up?"

"Nope. I had to confirm something."

"That we weren't having sex?"

"Come on, Hiei. You can't blame me. I knew you were in the forest, and according to Eclipse, you were in a bad mood when you left. Shadow went after you to console you, I assume, and you don't come back."

"It is kinda suspicious, Hiei," Shadow said, grinning. "You can't deny it, with what he knew and how we act together all the time."

"How _you_ act," Hiei amended.

"Anyway, lovebirds," the fox said in a raised voice. They both rounded on him, glaring.

"_Lovebirds?_"

"Thought so..."

"Huh?" Shadow said cluelessly.

"Don't worry, I won't tell if you don't."

"What are you _talking_ about?"

"Don't play innocent. You're a couple now. Before, Shadow was too immature to embrace love and Hiei was... well, you get the picture. He's Hiei. But the way people were taunting you guys yesterday"

"_People_ meaning your little girlfriend and you," Hiei muttered.

"It wasn't me, it was Shuuichi, and Eclipse is most definitely _not_ my girlfriend. But that's not the point. You both finally decided to get over being pansies about your emotions... though really, Hiei... Out of hundreds of more suitable, beneficial possibilities, you pick _Shadow_?"

"Hey, shut the fuck up, fox," Hiei snapped. Youko sighed.

"I guess love truly is the most powerful force in the universe."

Shadow snorted. "No, that's **_me_**, Youko. And _you_ are just _jealous_."

"I don't _get_ jealous. I _get_ what I _want_. And if I truly wanted you, I'd have taken you long ago."

"Except Hiei and Shuuichi wouldn't let you," she retorted. The fox narrowed his eyes.

"You know you have no official binding to Hiei until he marks you."

"Shut up while you're ahead, Youko," Hiei said. Shadow looked at Hiei with a thoughtful look on her face, then to Youko.

"Maybe you weren't after me. Maybe you were after _HIEI!_"

The fire demon's eyes widened and he looked with horror at Shadow. Then he saw a grin on her face and the bright humor in her eyes and he relaxed. She was kidding.

Youko, however, seemed a bit more pissed. "I want nothing to do with that little"

"She's joking, stupid," Hiei snapped. "Stop before you say something you'll regret."

Youko snorted, then turned. "I'm leaving," he said over his shoulder. "You can stay here and have sex for all I care, but if you're going home, brace yourself for Eclipse the second you leave the shelter of the trees." He darted off in a flash of silver. Hiei smirked.

"Man, he really is an asshole, isn't he?" Shadow said, staring into the forest in awe. Hiei shrugged.

"Yeah. Don't worry about it."

"I never really noticed before cuz he was always hitting on me. But he's really an asshole."

"Yeah, that's just how he is, I guess."

"Well people would have said the same about you a few years ago."

"Yes, well..." He shrugged. "I shunned companionship then. After being forced onto Yusuke's team, I've grown to rather like having a select few people around... A lot of people would probably still call me an asshole."

Shadow shrugged, then yawned. "I s'pose we should go home, then? If only to put Eclipse's mind at ease."

"Stupid Eclipse," Hiei muttered, moving closer to Shadow. "I'd really rather stay here." He closed the distance between himself and Shadow and kissed her. It was just a gentle little kiss to show his love, then he turned away. "Let's go, then."

A very short while later, when the two emerged from the trees, Shadow was instantly plowed onto her back by a screaming blur.

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD OH MY GOD YOU WERE DEAD AND NO BUT YOU WERE HIDING FROM ME YOU BITCH HOW COULD YOU MAKE ME WORRY LIKE THAT AND HIEI YOU BASTARD I'M GONNA KILL YOU AND KURAMA SAYS YOU WERE JUST SLEEPING AND WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SLEEP IN A DIRTY FOREST INSTEAD OF IN A NICE BED I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH!"

She got up and stormed into the house. Hiei blinked.

"Well that was... odd..."

"For sure," Shadow agreed. She got up and went inside, then looked at her watch. "Jeez! We've still got two hours before frikkin' school starts. Eclipse! I want to kill you!"

"Why did you wait until we got inside to look at your watch?" Hiei asked.

"Forgot I had it. My memory resides mostly in this house, you know. If I'm away, I forget things easier."

"That doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but I'll take your word for it. Most of the stuff you say and do is pretty nonsensical if you ask me..."

"Quiet, Hiei!" Shadow snapped. Then she grinned. "I'm going back to bed."

Hiei watched her go. Youko came in the door a minute later, looking foul, and the fire demon decided that perhaps following Shadow was better than dealing with the annoyed fox. Decision made, he darted after her.

* * *

**-wince- Go on... Hate me... -sigh-  
But if you actually liked the chapter, please tell me. I'd like to know if anyone did. Cuz I didn't. It was not well-written. It sucks.**

**-Shadow Jaganshi-**


	9. And So Went The Day

**(Saturday, 3-5-05)**

**THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR YOUR** **WONDERFUL REVIEWS!**

**I was expecting people not to like it, so when I got a few reviews telling me it was cheesy and that I suck at writing romance, I wasn't surprised, but I got SO many more good ones! I feel so loved! I got 25 reviews in just about as many hours... I got 34 reviews in two days! I think that's the most reviews I've gotten on a single chapter yet... Then again I haven't been keeping track.Anyways, thank you all so much again.  
**Oh, I got requests for a **Kurama/Eclipse** romance scene... Since Eclipse is my best friend's character, I would say I have no jurisdiction in that, but she said she doesn't care if I put Eclipse with Kurama, so guess what? Yeah. Anyways, so their relationship will hopefully flourish in this fic, but **I don't think there will be any more confessions of love** in this story. Don't worry, **I've got three more stories already planned out in my head** (actually, I just have the basic situation, which could be expressed in one sentence)... It'll probably take me **the rest of 2005** to get all three written and posted and all that...

* * *

**CHAPTER NINE  
**And So Went The Day

In school that day, Shadow acted no different than normally. Kurama had the 'I'm arguing with Youko' look on his face most of the day. Eclipse sulked and glared at Shadow. How dare she make her worry like that?

And so went the day. Shadow actually managed to behave through all her classes (even Science, in which Tayama singled her out ceaselessly and was constantly shown up), and she actually managed to _stay_ in literature, the fun class in which they were asked to describe the happiest moment of their life. Shadow blinked, chewing on the end of her pencil and ignoring Kurama, whose eyes were locked on her. Then she wrote about when she got her motorcycle. Kurama snorted. He spent the rest of that class being bombarded with eraser bits from Shadow.

Lunch came around and Shadow nearly ran flat over Hiei in her haste to reach the gym before he left. The only thing that saved him was his superior speed.

"Are you _trying_ to kill me!" he asked.

"Not at all," Shadow said. "Just trying to reach you before you left the gym."

"Why?"

Shadow grinned. "Can you not guess?"

"HEY!" Eclipse shouted, darting over to them. Both sighed, annoyed. "WHAT'REYOUDOING?"

"Talking," Hiei replied. "Why?"

"Oh. You aren't gonna go in for another session of Locker Room Counseling, are you?"

"What if we are?"

"I wanna come. I've got to watch you two. I've made some deductions about some things, and I've decided that you're both... secretly plotting to kidnap Kurama."

"Why the hell would I want to kidnap _Kurama_?" Hiei snapped.

"To steal his brain! Why else?"

"I don't want his brain, he's got a fox in his brain."

"A fox who currently loathes the both of us," Shadow added.

"Because you're plotting to kidnap him and steal his brain! Why wouldn't he hate you!"

"Are you on drugs, Eclipse?" Hiei asked.

"Cuz I want some," Shadow added.

"Drugs? I would never do drugs! You're the one who bribed Youko into giving you Freaky Makai Plants!"

Shadow blinked, looking insulted. "I did no such thing!"

"Well you said you were high on Freaky Makai Plants!"

"I lied!"

"I bet you do some nasty thing to get those!"

Shadow hit Eclipse in the side of the head. "I would never! Not with _Youko_. Ew!"

"What about Hiei? Would you do naughty things with him?"

Shadow and Hiei exchanged glances. "Erm... Perhaps."

"PERHAPS! EW!" Eclipse let out a scream and ran away.

"Perhaps?" Hiei repeated, looking at Shadow. She shrugged.

"What? You want me to?"

"Em..." Hiei's eye twitched. "Not... now."

"Good, cuz I'm not gonna do that stuff now. As in this place or as in this time."

"I don't expect you to, Shadow."

"Good." She sighed. "Hey, I have detention with you tonight!"

Hiei snorted. "Yeah. Detention. Wait... There's a soccer game."

"...So?"

"You're excused from your detention. I have to coach soccer. You know they haven't lost a single game since they saw me pummel Eclipse."

"That's pretty cool, Hiei. See, you know how to handle the stupid ningens after all! Make them fear you! Kick their asses! Whip 'em into shape! You're gonna be the best soccer coach ever! Aren't you glad I gave that old dude a heart attack?"

"Not really. I'm actually not all that glad you dragged me into this entire ordeal, but I guess I'll have to deal with it, won't I?"

"Yes. You will."

"Unless I get fired."

"Don't get fired."

"At the rate I'm going, I piss off Yamashita on a regular basis. But he can't fire me because I'm the most qualified person who applied for the job. There is no one to take over after me."

"You're just special like that."

Hiei leaned against the wall. "Of course. So where _is_ Kurama?"

"Who knows. He probably had to drag himself across the parking lot and beat himself up to make Youko leave him alone. He's been arguing with the fox all day and casting me funny looks."

The fire demon snorted. "Typical. Youko's probably going to want a word with me."

"A word as in 'he'll probably want to fight you.' I personally don't see why he was such a bitch this morning. I mean, I never exactly showed any great attraction towards him, why should he be so jealous just because I'm not available anymore?"

"He's a kitsune. A kitsune who hasn't had sex in quite some time, and now the girl he was trying to woo"

"Rather directly. More like outright offering."

"Yes, but anyway, you are the one he'd set his eyes on, and if it weren't for me and his restrictions, he'd probably already have had his way with you."

Shadow snorted. "Stupid fox."

And of course, at that precise moment, Yamashita just _had_ to round the corner and see them.

"Jaganshi! I want a word with you! Come with me!"

Both fire demons blinked. Yamashita headed towards the office without a backwards glance.

"Who was he talking to?" Shadow asked.

"Who knows. Let's both go and see if it pisses him off."

When they arrived in the main office, Yamashita did not seemed pissed at either of them, but rather gestured for them to enter his office. Shadow flashed a grin at the secretary before Yamashita practically tossed her into his office and shut the door. He went around to sit at his desk.

"So I'm assuming you intended for both of us to follow?" Hiei said finally.

"Yes. I want to talk to you about your behavior."

"Me? Or her? Or both of us?"

"BOTH!" Yamashita snapped. He continued angrily. "You are both setting horrible examples for the rest of the student body! You, little girl, do not wear the uniform, you are disrespectful to your teachers, you skip classes, fight with fellow students, and your grades are terrible!"

Shadow had looked pleasant up until the last comment. "No! I have grades pretty damn close to Minamino's, I'll have you know! Check your stupid records!" she said indignantly. Yamashita frowned and clicked on a few things on his computer. A startled look appeared on his face.

"How is that possible! You're a terrible student!"

Shadow smirked. "Just because I'm a smart-ass doesn't mean I don't know anything."

Yamashita glared. "Fine. Then you have good grades. That doesn't change your other records. I'm recommending you for... _counseling_."

The girl's jaw dropped. "Man, either the deities hate me, Yusuke is bribing you, or you're an asshole."

"I favor the last one," Hiei muttered.

"Shut up, Jaganshi! As for you, I've heard some things about you! You're teaching the students martial arts? You favor Minamino, Shinomori, and Jaganshi. You cuss and badmouth _me_ in front of the students! You allowed a girl in the boy's locker room, you allow Jaganshi to skip classes and come to the gym, you let her slip by without changing into her gym uniform, you"

"Yes, I get the idea, I'm a terrible person too," Hiei said.

"And _you're_ a disrespectful smart-ass too!" Yamashita snapped. "The only reason I haven't fired you yet is because there is no one else for the job, but if you don't straighten up your act, I'm going to have to do something about it!"

Hiei nodded. "Such as? You can't send me to counseling."

"Yes I can. I'm your superior" Hiei shuddered at that. "and if I suspect it will help you, I can require you attend counseling."

"So who's my counselor and when am I going?" Shadow asked, trying to distract him.

"You'll meet him after school."

"But... I have detention."

"Jaganshi has to coach. You cannot be unsupervised. Your new counselor will supervise you."

Shadow had an odd feeling of great doom, one that gave her a strong urge to slam herself into a wall screaming obsenities, from the way Yamashita spoke those words. But she simply said, "Jolly good!" in her normal cheerful voice. The principal smirked.

"Yes. Now, I expect a good report for the rest of the day."

"You should've had a good report for the previous part of the day as well," Shadow said. "I was actually in all my classes. That's a great acomplishment."

"I've also heard some stories about the interactions between the two of you," Yamashita said. "From what I've heard, they are quite, hm, intimate."

"Intimate? Ha!" Hiei said. Shadow snorted.

"I don't do intimate," she said. "This guy's almost twice my age, anyways! He could almost be my father!"

"That doesn't really matter," Yamashita said. "And after the way I found you two yesterday, I decided for myself. You know this school does not stand for displays of affection. Being a teacher, you should enforce those rules, not break them."

"I'm not going to go off kissing some teenage girl anyway! Teacher or not, public or not!" Hiei snapped. Yamashita glared.

"Both of you are dismissed."

Shadow snorted and spun on her heel. "I look forward to meeting my new counselor. I'm sure we'll have a blast all alone in the gym."

"I'm sure you will," Yamashita said coldly.

"What an ass," Hiei muttered as they left. "And he wonders why people are disrespectful to him..."

"No kidding."

And so, along came the end of the day. Hiei and Eclipse went straight from the gym to the soccer feild outside when the bell rang, and everyone else left. Except Shadow. She hung around leaning against the wall until a loud, angry voice startled her out of her reverie.

"WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE? AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE IN A DETENTION?"

She blinked and turned around to come face-to-stomach with a angry giant man.

"Hello," she said kindly. "Are you my counselor?" She realized why she'd had the feeling of impending doom earlier.

The man laughed loudly and it echoed around the gym. "Is that what Utemaro told you?"

Shadow blinked, mouthing 'Utemaro' several times thoughtfully. Then she hit her fist into her palm. "You mean Yamashita? Yeah, he said I'd be supervised by my new counselor in detention today. I was waiting for you."

"Well, little girl, he told me you're to be washing the gym today. Where are your supplies?"

"Beats me."

"I _WILL_ beat you! Go get them!"

Shadow blinked. "Now look here, mister! I might be about three feet shorter than you and not be a muscle-bound gangsta cronie, but I don't react well to threats! I dare you, go ahead and try to beat me! I'm trained in martial arts! I could whip your"

"Ahh, I see you've met your new charge, Ryobe-san."

Shadow spun at Yamashita's smug voice.

"Yes, I've met her all right," Ryobe replied. "She's a little bitch."

"My thoughts exactly," Yamashita replied.

"I agree," Shadow added, nodding. "I'm a little bitch. I've come to face my problems. That's the first step to solving them, you know. Can I go home now?"

Ryobe grabbed her shirt and picked her up to his eye level. "You're going to stay here and clean every inch of this gymnasium, like your sentencing says."

"I'M BEING MANHANDLED!" Shadow screamed. "ONLY I'M A WOMAN!"

"You're a little girl," Ryobe said.

"LET GO OF ME OR I'LL RIP OUT YOUR KIDNEYS!"

"Go on. I'd like to see you try."

"I'LL PULL OUT YOUR LUNGS! THROUGH YOUR NOSE! AND... AND I'LL REPLACE THEM WITH BAGS OF ICE!"

Ryobe laughed, dropping her to the floor. "Get your cleaning supplies and get to work. You're staying until this gym is cleaned to my approval."

Shadow adjusted her shirt indignantly and stomped off. Yamashita smirked. She returned two seconds later with a bucket of soapy water and a mop.

"Get to work," Ryobe growled.

"WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING, YOU BRAINLESS BAG OF"

"Finish that sentence and I'll hit you."

"I'd like to see you try, you big, ugly, muscle-bound gangsta cronie!" She started mopping the floor, and naturally started singing as well.

"NO SINGING!"

Shadow started rapping.

"I SAID NO SINGING!"

"RAP IS NOT SUNG, IT'S SPOKEN, YOU STUPID MAN! YOUR BRAIN SURE ISN'T PROPORTIONAL TO YOUR BODY! Ye'd think with a body several times larger than normal humans, your brain might follow the same principle, but apparently not."

Yamashita glared. "Ryobe Royama, I'll have you know, is a boot camp seargant. You are to obey him. He has permission to do whatever is necessary to get your obedience. Understand?"

Shadow continued mopping in silence.

"Understand?"

She still didn't reply.

"HEY!"

"**I'M DOING WHAT THE GANGSTA CRONIE TOLD ME TO! SHUT UP AND LET ME CONCENTRATE ON THE ART OF MOPPING!**" she shouted.

Yamashita fumed. Ryobe glared. Shadow mopped away like it took intense concentration to do so.

"You missed a spot," Ryobe said coldly. Shadow looked to where he was pointing.

"I did not, you dolt! I mopped there already! The water dried up. Water tends to DO that, you know, when it's spread thinly on a flat surface."

"Mop it again."

Shadow splatted the wet mop down and swished it around a couple times, making sure to splash droplets of water out at her tormentors. Ryobe glared as one hit him in the face. He walked over to her and pointed at it.

"Wipe it off."

"What?"

"The water."

"I don't see any water."

"YOU SPLASHED WATER ON ME, I WANT YOU TO WIPE IT OFF."

Shadow slapped him, wiping the water off in the process. "There. All gone, gangsta cronie."

Ryobe pulled back his fist and punched at her. I say _at_ her because he missed. She dodged and hit him several times with her mop, then calmly went back to cleaning when he'd hit the floor. Fuming, he got up and left. He returned a short time later with a length of rope and a brillo pad (y'know, the green scrubby things you'd typically find in a kitchen, on the sink). He tossed one end of the rope up over the pipes and caught it when it came back down to his level. Then he made a harnass out of it and stuffed Shadow in the harnass.

"WHAT'RE YOU DOING!" she yelped. Ryobe stuffed the green scrubby pad into her hand and stuck the bucket of water in her other hand, grabbed the other side of the rope, and lifted her until she was at the ceiling.

"START CLEANING."

Shadow shrieked. "I'M NOT CLEANING THE ENTIRE CEILING WITH THIS LITTLE SIX-SQUARE-INCHES PIECE OF FLIMSY GREEN STUFF! I'M GONNA CALL MY LAWYER ON YOU!"

"START CLEANING."

Shadow took a deep breath. "**MOMMY! GANGSTA CRONIE'S BEIN' MEAN TO ME!**"

Said 'gangsta cronie' winced and nearly dropped Shadow to put his hands over his ears. The sound reverberated through the gymnasium, and Yamashita winced as well, covering his ears.

_"HIEI! I NEED HELP, PLEASE!"_

Outside, on the soccer feild, Hiei was having a scrimmage with the soccer team, and he hesitated a second as Shadow's message reached him. The ball slammed him in the side of the head and he fell over, swearing loudly.

_"What the hell is your problem!"_

_"The gangsta cronie is hanging me from the ceiling!"_

_"What?"_

_"My counselor is some kind of giant, hairy, ugly, brainless boot camp muscle-bound gangsta cronie! He wants me to clean the ceiling and he's got me hanging up in a rope harnass! It's child abuse, I tell you! Child abuse!"_

Hiei sighed and got up, walking straight off the feild towards the gym doors without saying a thing to the team. Eclipse darted over to him.

"What's up?"

"I don't know, Shadow's ranting about some hairy giant who wants to hang her up and rape her or something..."

"Jesus lordy!" Eclipse yelped. "On the double!" She bolted for the doors. Hiei sighed and jogged after her.

Not know quite what else to do, the entire soccer team followed. Hiei, of course, passed up Eclipse and was the first one to burst into the gym. Shadow let out a shriek.

"My angel, my hero!" she praised. "Make him let me down, Hiei!"

"HOLY GOSH!" Eclipse screamed, arriving at the door. The rest of her team was right behind her and let out similar exclaimations. Only, slightly more laced with obsenities.

Hiei strode right over to Yamashita. "You bastard," he snapped. "You're just standing there letting the stupid ugly son of a bitch do that do her?"

"As I would suspect, you come to her defense first, Jaganshi. You're so predictable. As a matter of fact, I TOLD him he had"

"LET HER DOWN, LET HER DOWN, LET HER DOWN!" Eclipse started wailing, pulling on Ryobe's arm like a little child. Shadow swayed dangerously from side to side, shrieking like a pansy little girl. Hiei glared, then narrowed his eyes as Ryobe drew back his fist.

"Eclipse, you IDIOT!" he shouted, darting over and flinging her out of the way, taking a fist to the stomach in her place. She, meanwhile, went rolling across the gym. Once she stopped, she sat up, looking childishly indignant and pouting. Hiei, meanwhile, stood a few feet from Ryobe.

"Put her down," he said. "She's afraid of heights. You can't force her to do that."

_"I'm afraid of heights since when!"_

_"Whatever works, Shadow. Shut up, I'm trying to get you down."_

"Oh yeah? Well there's no better way to overcome your fears than to face them," Ryobe said. Hiei snorted.

"Yeah, and what fortune cookie are you quoting that from?"

"What!"

"I mean, that's got to have some wisdom behind it. A person like you knows nothing about facing fears. So you're just quoting it from somewhere. Now put her down."

"You gonna fight me for her?"

"If need be, but you'll regret starting it."

"I doubt it." He held the rope with one hand. "Come on, little pussy. Give me your best shot."

"I won't give you my best shot. You're not worthy of that. You'll get what you deserve." Hiei launched himself at Ryobe, punched him in the face, snarling, "That's for calling me a pussy." He kicked him in the stomach; "That's for hitting me." Then he punched him with his other fist, sending him sailing across the gym. "And that's generally just for being an asshole."

Shadow came sailing downwards and Hiei caught her. Most of the soccer team cheered. With a grin as Hiei put her down (carefully not holding her too long, thus avoiding suspicion), Shadow tore off the rope harnass, went over to Ryobe, and poured her bucket of soapy water over his head. Then she kicked him in the ribs.

"That's for being born!"

Yamashita glared, stomping over to them. "Hiei, I hate to do this to you, but I believe I must." He snapped handcuffs on the fire demon.

"What the fuck is this!" Hiei yelled.

"Just wait until the cops come."

"_COPS?_" Hiei and the two halfbreed girls cried in unison.

"Yes. Assault with the intent to kill is quite a heavy sentence, from what I hear."

Hiei's eyes narrowed. "You know, Yamashita, you're really, really stupid."

"How do you figure?"

"There's fifteen witnesses here who can tell you that I had no intentions of killing the ugly bastard. I won't get any more than a night in prison. Besides, I have acquaintences everywhere in this city. You have no idea."

Yamashita smirked, walking over to the soccer team. "What did you girls see?"

"Um..."

"You'll tell the police that Hiei's attack was unprovoked," the man said. He walked over and relocated the rope harnass to the equipment storage room, locked the door, and returned to Hiei just as the police showed up, rushing into the gym with their guns drawn.

"What happened here?" one asked.

"Oh, thank God you showed up! This man almost killed my colleague!" Yamashita said, fakely terrified. "We managed to get him under control, but I'm afraid he'll try it again! Please, take him away! He's a terrible, terrible man!"

Hiei groaned. "For the love of _GOD_, man!"

Shadow was gagging. "Melodramatic," she hissed. "Bad actor!"

"Come with us," one of the officers said. "You're under arrest." Shadow yelped.

"You can't arrest him! Did you never think to question the witnesses!"

"We'll do that after we have this dangerous man securely in a cell." And Hiei was dragged off and shoved in the back of a cop car. Shadow bristled and spun on Yamashita.

"YOU DUMB, STUPID, UNFAIR, UGLY, MEAN SON OF A BITCH!" She kicked him in the shin and took off through the door to the parking lot behind the school. Seconds later, a motorcycle engine revved and zoomed off. Eclipse stood there, arms crossed and a foul look on her face.

"Hey!" one of the cops cried. "Where is she going? Shouldn't we question her, too?"

"Forget it," Eclipse said. "She's going after Hiei since you gullible idiots took him to prison with no evidence. **_I'M_** running _this_ freak show _now_!" She jabbed herself in the chest, standing up straight and important. "I saw everything, officers. You need not question the others, since they're frightened by Yamashita's threats and will tell you his lies. _I_ cannot be persuaded! My honesty never wavers! I do not fear anyone! Bring on the guns and the arrows, they can't stop me!"

She looked oddly like Shadow now, hands on her hips and her nose in the air, looking like a self-important superhero come to save the day. All she needed was a spotlight, a cape, and the appropriate breeze to move it.

"Um... Yes, well it really depends more on if the victim wants to press charges," one officer said, staring at her.

"He probably won't remember what happened," Eclipse murmured.

Meanwhile, Shadow was right behind a police car on a motorcycle, not wearing a helmet, wearing inadequiate covering, and could probably be arrested for indecent exposure in her leather (which, having ridden the motorcycle to school, she'd been wearing under her clothes all day).

The police pulled into the parking lot in front of the prison where Hiei had been employed the previous year. The driver got out and took Hiei out of the car, the passenger got out and went to Shadow. He swallowed hard before speaking.

"Erm, ma'am, if you would come with me... I'll write you a ticket inside..."

"Kiss my ass!" she snapped. She pushed past the nervous young man and followed Hiei and his 'escort' inside. They were just vanishing through the door to the prison behind the police station part of the building. A man blocked her way as she headed for the door.

"You can't go back there without permission, miss," he said. He was a big fellow, muscular and broad, with a nice smile on his face. "Can I help you with something?"

"Did you see that man your pal just took back there? The short guy with the weird hair?"

"Yes... He looks familiar."

"He should. But anyways, I was staying after school for detention and my principal hates me, okay? So he hired this boot camp guy to supervise me while I cleaned the gymnasium. Well I pissed off Mr. Boot Camp Gangsta Cronie, and he hung me from the rafters and told me to clean the ceiling with a Brillo pad."

The large cop raised an eyebrow.

"Y'know, a Brillo pad...? The green scrubby thing you"

"Yes, I know what that is, I'm just a bit puzzled..."

"Well ask questions when I'm done. So I was hanging from the ceiling, my life in the hands of this giant gangsta cronie, shrieking at the top of my lungs, and in comes Hiei and the entire girls' soccer team. My friend tried to get Mr. Gangsta Cronie to let me go, and he was gonna hit her, so Hiei threw himself in front of the punch, then got up and hit Gangsta Cronie about three times, sending him flying, and he caught me as I fell, and apparently sometime in there the principal called the cops and told them some bogus crap about Hiei wanting to KILL Mister Gangsta Cronie and he DIDN'T, he was just SAVING MY ASS! So let me back there to TALK TO HIM!"

The big man smiled a bit. "That story sounds a bit farfetched."

Shadow narrowed her eyes. "Are you calling me a liar? I don't hold well to insults."

"Hey, keep that girl there!"

In came the nervous young man who'd tried to write Shadow a ticket. The other man looked up, Shadow dodged past him and darted through the door. A hand caught her collar before she could go more than two steps, and she was dragged back in by the big cop with the kind smile. He wasn't smiling anymore.

"Didn't I say you couldn't go back there without permission?"

"Yes, you probably did, but I don't want permission, I want to see my Hiei." She blinked. "Which one of you is in charge of this outfit?"

"Um..."

"You know. The whole... 'TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!' thing. Who's in charge?"

The entire room silenced, and with a shaky hand, one man pointed to a closed office door with closed blinds and a most unhappy vibe.

"Oooh, creepy mean guy, is it? Can I talk to him?"

"I wouldn't suggest it, sister," one guy said. "He'll tear you limb from limb and chew on your bones."

Shadow snorted. "I've heard that threat before. I laughed in the threatener's face." And before anyone could stop her, she was across the room and knocking on the police captain's door. They all gasped as the man's voice barked out at her.

"WHAT!"

"Could you spare me a moment, please, sir? I'd like a word with you. My name is Shadow."

The door opened. Nobody could see the man's face except Shadow, and she smiled at him sweetly.

"Who let this little child in here?"

Nobody was eager to answer, but it didn't matter.

"I'M NOT A LITTLE CHILD! I'M SIXTEEN, WITH A FULLY DEVELOPED BODY AND MIND! AND I WANT TO TALK TO YOU! NOW EITHER YOU LET ME IN YOUR DARK CREEPY OFFICE OF DOOM ON YOUR OWN FREE WILL, OR I GO IN THERE MYSELF!"

The man smirked and stood aside. "Do come in, then. I'd hate to keep you waiting."

The rest of the officers stared as Shadow walked right into the man's office and he shut the door. He went to his desk and sat down.

"How can I help you, Shadow-chan?"

Shadow frowned at the cursed suffix, but didn't verbally object to it. Instead, she just said, "A friend of mine was brought in just now and I want him released."

The captain laughed. "I'm afraid I can't do that. It's not that simple. What was he brought in for?"

"Assault. But he was just defending me."

"Well, we really can't do anything unless he killed his victim. Did he?"

"Hardly! He only hit him three times and the pansy sidekick called the cops on him!"

"Well, is the victim going to press charges?"

"I don't know," Shadow admitted. "He's unconscious."

The man chuckled. It wasn't really an amused sound... Shadow suppressed a shiver. "Really?" he said. "What did your friend hit him with?"

"His fists."

"That's it?"

"Yeah."

"I'd like to speak to this friend of yours."

"He's in _your_ prison."

He chuckled again. "Yes, he is, isn't he?" A smirk curved his lips. "You'd like to get him out?"

"You already told me I can't."

"He'll need to stay at least until we know whether his victim wants to press charges. Come along, I'd like to speak to him."

Shadow sighed as the odd, authorative man led her out of the office. He wasn't all that bad, but the rest of the police acted like he was God. Or Satan. Some of them seemed just short of kneeling and kissing his shoes. Perhaps her presence was the only thing keeping them from it.

He walked into the prison and waited for Shadow.

"Where is he?"

Shadow shrugged. Then she spotted him, leaning against the bars with his back to the isle.

"There," she said, and hurried over to him. He spun when she called his name, then she stopped dead in front of the cell and snorted back laughter. Hiei glared.

"I see nothing funny."

Shadow's eyes were on his cell mate, and her hand was over her mouth. "I don't either... Except... Karasu?"

"Hello, Shadow," the other demon said, a pleasant smile (well, as pleasant as a freak like him can manage) on his face. The police captain came up behind Shadow and the smile vanished from Karasu's face, being replaced with a frown. Hiei's look of bitterness was replaced with one of more... bitter _curiousity_ (a bit better than straight-out bitterness, but still not good).

"Who's he?" he asked.

"The _police captain_," Karasu answered sourly.

"Was I asking you!" Hiei snapped.

"No, but I knew the answer, so I told you."

"Don't speak unless I ask you to, Goldylocks."

Shadow snorted again, but managed to suppress it before Hiei's glare could be turned on her. Instead, she said, "Mr... um... I dunno his name, well, he wanted to talk to you. And I wanted to check on you. Apparently I can't get you out of here until we know whether Gangsta Cronie is gonna press charges."

"He probably will. Might as well keep me in here with this weirdo and not even ask the guy."

"I wanted to speak to you, Mr..." the police captain said, trailing off in question.

"Jaganshi," Hiei said dryly. "What do you want?"

"Shadow-chan told me you knocked your victim out in three hits with your fists. Is that true?"

"I think I kicked him once... And don't refer to him as the victim. Shadow was the victim, I was just defending her. It was pretty difficult for her to do it on her own, hanging from the ceiling."

"We'll discuss that later. Was this just a normal guy, Mr. Jaganshi?"

"He was human, if that's what you mean."

The police captain chuckled a bit. "I meant, was he some kind of weak scrawny thing?"

"No, he was about twice my size. Why?"

The man nodded thoughtfully. "Do you know martial arts, Mr. Jaganshi?"

"Yes."

"Do you, by any chance, use your martial arts in your career?"

"I'm a freakin' phys. ed. teacher at a high school! What do you think?"

"You're a teacher!" Karasu laughed. "That's funny! When did that happen?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Hiei snarled.

"Well, Jaganshi-sensei, would you be willing to give up your job for a full-time position on my force?"

"Not... really..."

"How about a part-time job to keep you out of prison?"

Hiei blinked.

"I'll tell you what. I can pull some strings. If the man presses charges, we'll silence him and keep you out of prison if you join my force."

"Wait... Is this some kind of bribe...?"

"If you want to call it that... I'd rather think of it as a fair trade. I believe there's an opening on the night shift. You'd be paid."

"But..."

"Hiei, he's willing to let you off the hook for good! All you have to do is work the night shift. You can handle that, can't you?"

"You mean you wouldn't mind?" Hiei said. Shadow shook her head.

"I don't care. It's up to you, but if you want my advice, I say go for it."

Hiei looked cautiously at the police captain. "Is there a catch?"

"No catch. I'll contact the victim, see if he's going to press charges. If he is, all you need to do is agree to join my force and I'll silence him. Your records will bear no extra mark against you. You'll be paid and you'll work night shift five nights a week. If he isn't pressing charges, you're free to go. If he is and you don't agree, you'll go through with what the law requires."

"Why does _he_ get a good deal like that?" Karasu asked bitterly. "He's just another criminal like the rest of us, right?"

"Shut up," the police captain said. "Well, Jaganshi-san?"

Hiei sighed. "I'll think about it. I'm allowed to have visitors, right?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I'll think on it. Could I have a little time alone to talk to Shadow?"

"Of course."

The man left. Shadow instantly hugged Hiei through the bars.

"So what should I do?" he asked, stepping back.

"I think you should take the job," she said. "I mean, you can deal with it, can't you? Night shift... It wouldn't run over school starting..."

"It'd be close, wouldn't it?"

"Yeah... You probably would have time to come home, shower, change, eat, and maybe sleep a little... You wouldn't have a whole lot of free time, but I mean, come on... Do you do much in your free time anyhow?"

"Actually, I do. But I can go a while without sleep. Don't worry about that."

"So are you gonna do it?"

"Probably. Tell the fox about all this."

At "fox", Karasupreviously sulking in the back cornerbrightened a bit. Perhaps he'd get to see Kurama! That would improve being stuck in this ningen jail. His change did not go unnoticed to Shadow.

"Karasu, what'd you do to get stuck in here?"

"I kinda accidentally damaged the police captain's car... And his dog."

"You damaged his dog?"

"Beyond repair, yes."

"You killed it?"

"I didn't really mean to. I was just looking at it, and the guy shot at me, startling me, and several things blew up. My fault entirely, I admit, but I think he overreacted."

"Okay, and why didn't you just blow him up and run?"

"Well, on the way here, I was weighing the consequences, and I decided that, though wreaking havoc in Ningenkai is a tempting idea, it's just not what I do. Yes, I did realize that it would probably be something the Reikai tantei would be sent to settle, but once they settled it, I'd most likely be taken to Reikai and never returned... I would never see my Kurama again."

Hiei cringed, suppressing a shudder. "I can't believe I'm stuck in a cell with you."

"Not for long," Shadow said.

"Unfortunately," Karasu added. At this, Hiei _did_ shudder.

"You're a creep. Stay away from me."

"Don't worry, Hiei. You will never hold the same charm as Kurama does. Though you aren't entirely unappealing..." His eyes dropped to Hiei's hand, which was held in Shadow's. "...it seems you're taken. By a young halfbreed girl, no less."

"Wanna make something of it?" Shadow asked. Karasu shook his head.

"Not at all. I hear rape is common in ningen prison."

"I'll camp here if I must," the girl threatened.

"No need, Shadow. No need," Karasu sighed, sitting down. "I'll get my satisfaction elsewhere."

Hiei cringed. "If I have to put up with this for very long, no police captain will be able to _pull strings_ to get me off punishment."

"You have good tolerance, Hiei. Use it. I'll be back later, I promise." Shadow turned and ran off. Hiei cast a look at the freak he had to share a cell with.

"You got thrown in prison for killing a dog?"

"The police captan's dog."

"Still, I'd think you, being the creative individual you are, would find a better way to get imprisoned."

"I didn't _mean_ to."

"Yes... So you said."

"What? You don't believe me?"

"I actually don't believe you killed a dog at all. But it's not my concern, and I don't care." He leaned against the wall. Karasu frowned a bit.

"You know, you're nothing like Kurama."

"For which I thank whatever beings are responsible."

Meanwhile, Shadow had plopped down in the cushioned chair at the big smiling police officer's desk while his back was turned. He turned back and halted, blinking.

"What are you doing, miss?" he asked, staring at the computer screen.

"It's solitare. I'm playing solitare on your computer. Haven't you ever played solitare before?" she replied.

"Yes... But that's my computer. Civilians are not permitted"

"Whatever." She closed it and stood up. "Can I use your phone?"

"What for?"

"I need to call a friend of mine to tell him what happened. Then I need to wait for him here, as he'll doubtlessly be wanting to..." She trailed off and stared at the door as Eclipse came in, still in her soccer gear, struggling against her police escort. "Hey! What are you doing here!"

Eclipse stopped dead and looked around. Spotting Shadow, she waved cheerily and dragged the officers flanking her over to the desk.

"Since when are you a cop?" she asked.

"Since when do you get arrested?"

"I'm not arrested."

"And I'm not a cop. So why are you here?"

"They just thought I was out of control. One of my parents needs to come pick me up but they're in Sapporo, so I dunno how that's gonna work." She smiled again.

"They're both in Sapporo?"

"Uh-hm!" she said cheerfully.

"Wow. Sucks to be you. Maybe Kurama can get you."

Eclipse snorted. Then she looked thoughtful. "Maybe... Can I call him?"

"I'm calling him about Hiei. I'll mention it."

"Ooh! Can I be in a cell with Hiei?" the girl pleaded, turning to her escorts. They frowned and dragged her off before Shadow could warn of Hiei's cell mate. Shrugging, she picked up the phone and had Kurama's number dialed before turning to the man whose desk the phone sat on.

"You did say I could use your phone, didn't you?"

"Actually, I"

Shadow turned her attention away as the phone was answered. "Moshi moshi, 'kaasan! Is Shuuichi home?" Blink, blink. "Okay. Yeah, I can hold on, I'm not busy."

The big smiling cop was no longer smiling, and several of his colleagues were staring. There was a shriek from the prison which Shadow ignored, as it was quite obviously Eclipse. It said, "KARASU!" Then Kurama got on the phone and Shadow forgot all about it in two seconds.

"Hey fox!" she said upon his answering. He sighed.

"What is it, Shadow?"

"Well, we have a problem, and I'm sorry to take you away from your precious post-shower grooming, we all know how you important it is for you to comb your hair and all that, but see, I'm at the prison, and"

"What'd you do?"

"Actually, for once, it was anyone _but_ me. It was Hiei. And Eclipse. Eclipse needs a parent to pick her up, and they're in Sapporo, so... She thought maybe you could."

"I'm not her parent. They'd never let me."

"Does she have an older sibling?"

"I don't know."

"Well maybe your mother could pick her up."

"We'll see. And what about Hiei?"

"We've got his situation under control, but I think he wants your wise advice. So in other words, get your arse down here, fox. I'm using a police officer's phone without express permission, and if I don't get off, he'll probably toss me in prison too. And the only person who can get me out is also in prison. So, come to the police station, and we'll discuss it here. Ja mata." She hung up, then got out of the officer's chair and skipped over to the captain's office, which she rudely entered without knocking. He was on the phone. She instantly spun and skipped back out, and went to the prison area. Skipping back to Hiei's cell, she found Eclipse cowering in the corner behind Hiei, farthest from Karasu possible.

"Hello, homies!" she said cheerfully. Eclipse looked at her with wide, horrified eyes.

"Please tell me Kurama's on his way!"

"Kurama's on his way, but he'd just gotten out of the shower and probably needs about half an hour to make his hair pretty, so he'll be on his way when he's done, I'd say, meaning you're stuck in here with this lecher and Hiei for about forty-five minutes more."

Eclipse scree-ed and cowered, covering her head with her hands. Hiei sighed.

"If I move, she'll scream until everyone within a two-mile radius goes deaf."

As if to emphasize this, Eclipse flung her arms around Hiei's leg and refused to let go. Shadow frowned.

"It's not like Karasu has any interest in _you,_ Eclipse. Let go of Hiei," she said.

"Yes, let go of him. Shadow's getting jealous," Karasu said.

Eclipse glared at Karasu. "Now, just cuz _you_ told me to, I'm not gonna!"

Hiei sighed, grabbed her arms, and pried her off his leg. It was quite a challenge, as a girl with her mind set is an even more formidable opponent than any demon Hiei had ever fought. However, he managed to get her to loosen her hold enough that he could pull out of her grip (with Shadow's help, kicking Eclipse through the bars as she was).

"Hey, that's so unfair!" Eclipse whined. "You cheated!"

"... I wasn't aware you could cheat at getting a psycho girl to unlatch from your leg..." Hiei muttered, carefully standing out of both Eclipse's and Karasu's easy reach.

"Apparently you can," Karasu said.

"Yes you can! And you did! And I can't believe it! I thought you were fair and honorable and all that!" Eclipse accused. "And oh my God you moved! I have to scream now!"

She'd barely begun to take a deep breath before Hiei clamped his hand over her mouth.

"You scream, and I'll make sure you stay well within Karasu's reach for the remainder of your stay. Which, incidentally, shouldn't be too long if Kurama's allowed to pick you up."

"Forty-three minutes," Shadow said, checking her watch (which she hadn't been wearing five minutes previous).

"What's forty-three minutes?"

Shadow turned and the three imprisoned inhuman people peered out of the cell as Kurama walked through the door at the end of the hall with a police escort.

"Until you show up, fox. Go home and don't come back for forty-three minutes! I cannot be wrong!" Shadow snapped, throwing an eraser at him (where's she getting all this stuff!). He caught it and stepped up next to her. Eclipse flung her arms through the bars and grabbed him, pulling him into a painfully tight hug.

"Please tell me you came to get me out!"

"Yeah," he choked. "My mother's speaking to one of the officers now. Let go."

She obeyed.

"Hello, Hiei," he greeted. Hiei returned the greeting. The fox's eyes darted to the other occupant and his shoulders slouched. "_You?_"

"Good evening, Kurama," Karasu said, grinning.

"What's he doing here?" the fox asked Shadow. Then he raised an eyebrow at the scrutinizing look Shadow was giving him, hand on her chin. If she'd had a beard, she would bave been doing the trademark beard-stroking thing that bearded people do when they think. "What?"

"I'm trying to figure out how you got out of the shower, talked to me, then showed up here five minutes later, looking like you hadn't just taken a shower."

"There's an amazing creation called a _hair drier_, Shadow," Kurama said. "Now tell me what the hell's going on."

"Well, Karasu says he killed the police cap"

"I don't give a damn about Karasu! Would you explain what happened with _Hiei_?"

"I dodged a ticket for indecent exposure, too," Shadow said. "Isn't that interesting?"

"I don't... Oh, for the love of... Hiei, what'd you do?"

"Defended Shadow," Hiei sighed. "I shouldn't have. I should've just left her hanging from the ceiling. She eventually would've gotten herself down..."

Kurama blinked. "I'm confused."

"That's unusual for you," Shadow said, putting her hand on his forehead. "Are you feeling well?"

"Get off me," he said, swatting her hand away.

"Ow..." she whimpered. "Hiei, foxy was mean to me..."

"I think you'll survive, Shadow."

"I will?"

"Yes. Now, as I was saying," Hiei said, and proceeded to tell Kurama what had occured since he'd gotten Shadow's telepathic plea. Shadow, of course, filled in what had happened before that. The fox listened, eyebrows raised, and when Hiei was finished, he blinked and scratched his head.

"Well, I can't say that's not interesting..." he admitted.

"It's true, too."

Everyone jumped and looked at the police captain. The freak had just shown up halfway through Hiei's story without announcing his presence! How dare he.

"I didn't doubt it, sir," Kurama said, of course being polite to his 'superior.'

"The principal of Mieou High School is here, saying something about the phys. ed. teacher's assault on his harmless friend?"

"Yeah, and...?" Hiei prompted.

"Well, apparently his harmless friend is pressing charges. So, Hiei, what do you say?"

"I'll do it," he sighed.

"Very good. Sign this." He held out a clipboard and handed Hiei a pen. The fire demon sighed and scribbled his signature on the line. Then he cursed.

"Shoulda read that first, shouldn't I have..."

"Probably," the man said frankly, taking the pen back. Hiei frowned.

"Shit." So he stood there with his bandaged right arm hanging through the bars, looking thoughtful for a second. "Can I read it now? Just so I know what's in it?"

The door down the hall opened. "Sir! Could you come here, please?"

"Apparently not," the captain replied, starting down the hall.

"Dammit," Hiei muttered. Kurama sighed.

"Oopsy," Karasu taunted. "You could have just signed your soul over to the devil, Hiei. You should work on that quick thinking of yours."

Hiei shot him a venomous glare. "I will not accept sarcasm from the likes of you, Karasu."

"Jeez. I think Hiei hates Karasu more than Kurama does," Shadow muttered to herself.

"I doubt that's possible," Kurama muttered. "Hiei hasn't been touched and harassed and hit on by Karasu."

"I could fix that," Karasu said. Hiei spun and punched him in one fluid movement.

"Do us all a favor and shut up," he said as the demon fell over. Shiori happened to be heading down the hall towards them at that precise moment to pick up Eclipse. She gasped a bit when she saw Hiei standing over a senseless man's body.

"What happened?" she asked quietly.

"Nothing, Okaasan," Kurama said, putting a hand on her shoulder while flashing Hiei a 'control yourself better!' look. Hiei replied with a 'shut up!' look. Shadow grinned, understanding the entire little exchange of non-words and finding it amusing. Instead of saying anything, she turned to Shiori.

"Hello, Okaasan!" she said cheerfully. "You came to get Eclipse, did you?"

"Hai..." she murmured. Karasu twitched and sat up.

"Ow... Son of a..." He blinked and looked up at Shiori. "Who's that?"

"This is my mother, Karasu," Kurama said, his voice saying he was kindly introducing them, but his eyes saying, "You say anything to her and I'll kill you." They sure do converse with body language a lot, don't they?

"Ah..." He stood up, smiling. "It's nice to meet you. I doubt your son has ever spoken of me, but we've met before."

"Yes. 'Kaasan, let's get Eclipse and go. Hiei's fine," Kurama said curtly.

The officer who'd come in with Shiori chased Hiei away from the door and opened it, letting Eclipse out. She danced out and hugged Kurama and his mother.

"Thanks a billion for getting me out of that hell-hole! I don't think I could have ever survived much longer in there! Let's go."

"Sayonara!" Shadow said, waving as the trio departed. Once all the police escorts and such were gone, Hiei spun on Karasu and kneed him, then punched him.

"He told you not to _say_ anything to her, you bastard!"

Karasu supported himself in a sitting position against the wall. "Why must you be so violent, Hiei?"

"Because you're an _idiot_."

Shadow stood outside the cell, hands clasped behind her back, grinning. "I think you two will survive just fine without my supervision. I think I'm gonna go try to weasel that contract off Mr. Police Captain Sir." She spun and ran off.

Sliding into the police station, Shadow stopped dead right in front of Yamashita, nearly falling on her face.

"Jeez, man!" she yelped. "I've got things to do! Why are you here?"

"Ryobe will put Jaganshi where he belongs," Yamashita growled.

"I don't think he's capable of that. Hiei belongs in the throne of a king," Shadow replied coldly. Bit of an exaggeration, and she knew it, but hey... Exaggerating never hurt anyone, did it?

"Ha! I meant he'll put him six feet under. I wonder if you'll behave better if your lover isn't at school."

Shadow laughed darkly. "I'd like to see you _try_ to kill Hiei. What's ol' Ryobe? A big guy with a big mouth. Hiei's a martial arts master. You try to kill him... Well, I won't go into detail. Now move."

Yamashita fumed. Shadow pushed him aside and stalked over to the police captain's office. Kurama and Eclipse had just been leaving, but they'd seen the little scene just now.

"Y'know... Yamashita seems to have mob connections," Eclipse said. "I bet next he'll have a sniper on her."

Kurama snorted. "Leave it. I doubt he will, and she can take care of herself."

"Or rather, Hiei can take care of her." She blinked. "Y'know... I can't believe the nerve of those police people. Just cuz my friggin' mother's not home I've gotta stay with you."

The police captain's office door slammed. Kurama stared.

"Yes, well..." He shrugged and they left. Shadow, meanwhile, was standing outside the police captain's office, blinking rapidly. She turned and walked back to the prison in a daze.

"Can you believe it?" she said when she reached Hiei. "He won't even let me in his office now."

"Why not?"

"Beats me," she replied, sulking. "He did say you have to spend the night here, though."

"Great."

"And since tomorrow's Saturday... Who knows when he'll let you out."

"Marvelous."

"I'll be all alone..."

In the back corner, Karasu sniffled fakely to mock her. Hiei fumed. Shadow handed him a brick (where'd she get that?) which he threw at the vamp freak, hitting him squarely in the head and knocking him out. It vanished when it hit the floor.

"That solves that," he said.

"Yeah, now you won't have to worry about him raping you tonight."

Hiei's eyes widened. "Thanks! He'll probably wake up before then anyway!"

"Well! He said"

"Thanks, Shadow. Really. You sound concerned."

"Oh, cut me a break. He won't rape you. You'd cut off his arms."

"With what?"

"Reiken!"

Hiei snorted. "Right, I'm gonna rip off Kuwabara's move. Sure."

"Whatever works."

"But..."

"Do you want me to stay here and keep an eye on him? Because I figured you could take care of yourself, but"

"I'm fine, Shadow. Jeez. Go home and go to bed."

Shadow blinked. "But it's like, early. I don't sleep at this time of day."

"Yes you do."

"But I'll be all alone!"

"Can't you bear that?"

"Well, yeah, but I don't wanna."

"Are you _that_ attached to me that I can't be away over night without you dying or something?"

"I'm not attached at all! And I won't die!"

"Good to hear. So prove it."

"Are you _trying_ to get rid of me? Maybe you _want_ to be left alone with Karasu!"

"Shadow!"

She smiled. "Just kidding." She kissed his cheek. "I'm gonna go home now."

"Bye."

Shadow turned and left. Hiei watched her go, then turned and climbed up onto the top bunk of the two beds in the corner. Seating himself in the center of the bed with his legs crossed, he began to meditate.

When Shadow reached home, she was slightly surprised to find Ryu Obake sitting on the porch. Driving her motocycle up into the yard, she zoomed up to the porch, hitting the brakes and sliding to parallel park right next to the porch where Ryu was sitting. He jumped back, letting out a startled shout. She looked up at him, a bit of a frown on her face.

"Are you stalking me?"

"Where'd you get so good at driving that thing?"

"I... eh, have a lot of experience with stunt driving." Well, perhaps you could call outrunning cops stunt driving, perhaps you couldn't. "Why are you here?"

"My parents were pissed I went and ran off yesterday, so they yelled at me and now I got myself banished from the house. Can I stay here for the weekend?"

Shadow stared. "Well..." _Well, Kurama and Eclipse probably won't drop by until her parents get back... Perhaps Yusuke and Kuwabara will come by (doubtful), Hiei's in prison, Karasu's in prison, if I want any sort of humanoid company, here's my chance. If not, it'll be me talking to the doom minions until Hiei gets back._ "Sure." She paused. "How long have you been sitting there?"

"Not too long."

"Don't you have other friends, though?"

"Yeah, but to be honest, their houses suck compared to yours, their parents are bad cooks, and I'd probably end up eating leftover Chinese from last Tuesday for dinner."

"Nasty."

"Yeah. So... Where's Jaganshi-sensei?" He peered around Shadow as if the fire demon were hiding behind her.

"Not here, obviously," she replied, starting up her motorcycle and driving it around to park it behind the house. Ryu waited for her to come back around, but the front door burst open behind him. He jumped.

"Jeez!" Spinning, he saw Shadow standing there.

"You comin' in?"

"Where'd... what..."

"Two doors, kid," she replied, grinning. She stood aside to let him in. He picked up his bookbag and went inside.

"So, _where_ is he?"

"Prison," Shadow replied shortly, shutting the door. "Don't tell." _Like that'll make a difference. Fourteen out of fifteen of the soccer team will instantly call all their rumor-spreading friends and the whole school will be buzzing about it by Monday..._

"Prison! What's he doing _there?_"

"I don't know what he's doing right now," she replied, "but before I left, he was standing in his cell."

Ryu rolled his eyes. "What'd he do!"

"Punched some guy. He's getting away without anything, though. He just had to spend the night. He probably won't be in a good mood when he comes home tomorrow. His cell mate is bisexual with a history of rape."

Ryu's jaw dropped, then he snapped his teeth shut, cringing. "I'm gonna be sick."

"Don't worry, Hiei's not gonna get raped." She shut her eyes, and after a second, jumped like she'd been shocked. "Owie. He's meditating." Then she blinked. "Oops. Pretend you didn't see that."

"How do you know he's meditating? Why'd you say 'owie'? What's with you people?"

"Why do you ask so many questions?" Shadow snapped. The phone rang and she jumped, letting out a short scream. Snatching it up off the receiver, she had time to rudely greet whoever was calling before the receiver fell _off_ the table from her snatch. She just glared at it, snapped, "Nothing! Who are you and what do you want!" into the phone, then paused, her bottom lip held between her teeth as she listened to the response.

"Who is it?" Ryu asked. Shadow flung a notepad at him to shut him up.

"Uh-huh," she said. There was a short pause. "Listen, dude. I don't know where you'd get the idea a female would want Playboy magazine." Pause. "Whatever the hell! I don't care what it's called! And no I don't want to pose for your fuckin' sex shit! I'm sixteen!" Pause, looking increasingly annoyed. "I DON'T CARE IF I'M AT THE PRIME OF BEAUTY, I'M NOT ABOUT TO GO BE A TOTAL SKANK AND PLASTER MY 'PRIME OF BEAUTY' ALL OVER FUCKIN' MAGAZINES FOR SOME UGLY GUY WITH NO SEX LIFE TO GET OFF ON!" Pause. Eyes bugging. "_I DON'T CARE IF I'LL BE PAID WELL, AND I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF IT'S LEGAL! I'M TELLING MY HUSBAND SOME ASS WAS HITTING ON ME OVER THE PHONE! HE'S WITH THE MAFIA! EXPECT HIM AT YOUR HOUSE IN TWO DAYS, WITH A LOT OF GUNS!_" She grabbed the receiver off the floor and slammed the phone down on it, then turned to Ryu, smiling brightly.

"Um... Husband?" he said.

"Yeah."

"You're married?"

"No. I just felt like telling the dial tone that I was."

"Dial tone?"

"Yeah. The phone hung up somehow when the receiver fell off." She joyfully skipped away, flapping her hands like fairy wings. Ryu stared, then trailed up the stairs and went to the room he'd had on his last stay.

Arriving home, Kurama showed Eclipse a spare room where she'd spend the night. Shiori kindly told her to feel at home. Once alone, Kurama told her _not_ to act like she was home. Then he told her to go call her little brother and tell him what was going on. Grudgingly, she obeyed.

"MOSHI MOSHI?" came the little boy's voice over the phone after half a ring.

"Keiji," Eclipse said flatly, in a calm, quiet voice.

"HI ECLIPSE!"

"KEIJI, JUST BECAUSE I'M FAR AWAY DOESN'T MEAN YOU NEED TO SHOUT! THIS INVENTION INTO WHICH YOU ARE SPEAKING DOES NOT IN ANY WAY MUFFLE YOUR VOICE OVER THE DISTANCE!" she shouted, louder even than he'd been talking.

"Okay. So what the hell do you want, bitch?" Keiji asked.

"Watch your language, dumb kid. I want you to go to the neighbor's house. You'll stay there until mom gets back. I got in trouble and I have to stay with a friend of mine."

"Your _boy-friieend?_"

"I don't _have_ a boyfriend, you dumb child!"

"So Hiei's a girl!"

Eclipse shrieked. Kurama and his mother both appeared in the doorway as the girl snapped, "Hiei is quite male, Keiji, but he's not my boyfriend! I don't have a boyfriend!"

"So you've got a girlfriend! What about Shuu-_i_-chi?" the kid taunted. Kurama's eyebrow twitched a bit.

"I assure you, Shuuichi is also quite male. Now would you shut up!"

"How do you know he's a boy?"

"Because Shadow told me! Now would you shut up?"

Kurama's eyes widened a bit. He strode over to Eclipse and took the phone. "Hey."

"Oh my God, who're you!"

"Shuuichi," he replied.

"Are you my sister's boyfriend?"

"No, I'm not. Eclipse does not have a boyfriend, okay?"

"What about those other guys who were at her birthday party?"

Kurama snorted. "Just go to your friend's house, Keiji."

"Is my sister spending the night at your house?"

"Yes."

"Awww! Are you sharing a bed?"

"No. We're not even sharing a room."

"Are you gonna have sex?"

Kurama frowned. "Good-bye, Keiji." He hung up. "How did you live with that kid all your life?"

"By going to my happy place," Eclipse replied. "Only my happy place saved me. Then, more recently, Shadow's house. But, my happy place saved me."

Kurama nodded with the 'If you say so' look on his face. "You hungry?"

"Aren't I always?"

"Yes, I suppose that was a stupid question..."

"We still need to go pick up some of my stuff from my house."

"You wanna go do that now?"

"Sure, why not."

And so they ventured to Eclipse's house, picked up her belongings, tossed Keiji off the Eiffel Tower when they found him rooting through her bedroom, then picked up fast food when they realized they'd left without getting Eclipse food.

"Flush! Man, you're too good!" Ryu cried in disbelief, smiling.

"Thank you, and I'm not a man," Shaodw said, raking the poker chips over to her side of the table.

"Are you _sure_ you're not cheating?"

"I don't cheat. I'm a very honest person. Wanna play again?"

"I don't think so, man! I'm out."

"Oh well." Shadow got up and went to the couch. "I'm gonna watch some TV."

And so went the day. Or, what remained of it. Meanwhile, back at the farm, Kurama was waiting for Eclipse to choose a DVD for them to watch. He took a sip of his tea as Eclipse came barreling down the stairs and into the kitchen, startling Shiori into dropping the plate she was holding. The girl flung herself across the room, hit the floor on her back and slid to catch the plate. Her head hit the cabinet and she ended up on her shoulders with her feet in the air. The lower half of her body slowly fell with a _thud_ to the floor. Kurama blinked, his mouth forming a little 'o' in surprise as there was no sickening crack as usually followed some stupid endeavor of one of his friends, and there was no shatter of a plate hitting the floor. As his mother just stood with her hand over her mouth, staring, he got up and went to Eclipse, taking the plate out of her hands and giving it to his mother. She took it, shaking herself out of her daze.

"Let's not do that again," he said. The girl, sprawled out on the floor, grinned up at him. He offered his hand to help her up and she took it.

"Are you okay?" Shiori asked. The short girl grinned, rubbing the back of her head with her free hand.

"Yeah. Your plate okay?"

Kurama snorted. "The plate's fine, Eclipse. Come on." He led her out of the room. Once back in the living room, he pulled on her ear.

"What was that all about?"

"Saving that plate," Eclipse said. "I just had to. We couldn't let it die. I will not be responsible for murder."

"Of a _plate?_"

"Yeah!"

Kurama gave up. "What movie did you pick?"

"You'll see."

She stuck in a DVD and plopped herself on the couch. Sighing, Kurama sat next to her. Having left the choosing to Eclipse, he situated himself so that he'd be comfortable if he fell asleep.

However, about half an hour into the movie (which, oddly, had not been violent or cheesy at all, as the fox had expected), Eclipse was asleep with Kurama's leg as a pillow, clinging to the fabric of his pants with one hand like a child clinging to their favorite blanket. Shiori, peering into the room, smiled. Her son had seemed rather distant from other people all his life, until the last few years. Perhaps now he'd get himself a girlfriend and settle into a more normal life, she thought. However, she did not know that fox demons resurrected in humans do not _have_ normal lives, even if their friends are _human_. It is scientifically proven. However, having three half-demons and one pureblood demon (in addition to the one human with freaky energy and a whole slew of other weirdos) as friends makes the life of a fox-spirit-gone-human even _more_ abnormal. Kurama had no hope of a _normal life_ unless he completely shut off all youki and sealed Youko deep in the recesses of his mind and used nothing that came from the fox. And, of course, that would never happen, because you need your soul to live a proper life (what with the seeing and the moving and the thinking and the breathing, you know). Pity.

But Shiori did not know this, and we shall not tell her. Let her bathe in her ignorance. What you know can't hurt you, and when you're a mother hoping happiness for your teenage son in the form of a girl and a normal life, and it seems that may be the direction the boy's life is moving in, you want to cling to that. So we'll not tell her her son is a demon.

Shiori shortly went back to whatever she'd been doing. Kurama stared at Eclipse, unsure what to do, then sighed and left her there. He was watching a movie, and she was far more peaceful asleep than awake. She even breathed quieter in her sleep. You can't lose with that. And so went the evening.

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**Thanks again for wonderful reviews... Not much to say... Ryu _does_ have a point in this story, Karasu has a semi-important part later, Hiei has another job now with another ningen boss...Lucky him, no? Review, please... I hope there wasn't any "cheesy romance" in this chapter... I just read it a couple hours ago and can't remember.**

**Shadow Jaganshi**


	10. Enter: Scheming Bitch

**(3-12-05) Thanks for your reviews everyone! I have over 220. I'm so happy! This chapter's short, so I'll post Chapter eleven... Probably on Monday. My birthday! March 14th!**

**It seems some of my punctuation is going missing... Whenever I cut off or interrupt a sentence with two dashes, it erases them. Also, my usual thing to show location change or passage of time seems to be gone. (An underlined dash). If you see missing dashes, do not tell me about it in a review. It will just make me feel like I have to export and edit the whole chapter, andI'll pelt you with flaming potatoes. I don't have time for that (editing, not pelting you with potatoes. I always have time to hurt someone).

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**

**CHAPTER TEN  
**Enter: Scheming Bitch

The phone ringing and an odd nagging in the back of her head woke Shadow up around noon on Saturday. She lay there for a minute, blinking, before she realized the nagging was Hiei's voice, "_Pick up the phone, Shadow. It's me. Wake up, and pick up the goddamned phone._", and the phone was ringing. She slammed her hand on the object that dared to interrupt her sleep, put it to her ear, and said, "I see you survived the night."

"Yes, I did," Hiei's voice replied from the other side. "Kyoukan-san's letting me come home. You wanna come pick me up or am I walking?"

"Kyoukan?"

"Yeah. Captain Mouken Kyoukan-san, my second boss. You gonna come or do you want to sleep? I don't mind walking."

"Do you mind riding my bike? I'll get you if you don't mind."

"Fine. Whatever."

"I'll be there shortly, then."

"Okay."

They hung up. Shadow jumped up and darted upstairs, throwing on her motorcycle gear. As she ran by Ryu's door, she knocked and shouted, "I'M PICKIN' UP HIEI, BE BACK IN FIVE MINUTES!"

By the time he opened the door, he heard a motorcycle engine fading in the distance.

Hiei leaned on the edge of one of the officers' desks, watching him play cards with a colleague. Peering over their shoulders, he gave advice without their opponents seeing. Barely two minutes after he'd hung up the phone, Shadow came in the door. He smiled. She went to him and hugged him.

"C'mon. Is there anything you need to sign or anything before you leave?"

"Nope. Let's go."

"Ja mata ne, Hiei," the officers said. He nodded and followed Shadow out of the station and into the sunshine.

"Jeez. I hate prison," he muttered, breathing deeply. "Especially when it smells like ningens, their disgusting habits, and Karasu."

"Yeah. Welcome to the outside, where it smells like car exhaust, asphalt, and shit," Shadow said. "Hope you haven't eaten lately, I've got to get home in a minute and a half."

"Why?"

"I said five minutes, I meant five minutes. Hold on tight."

Hiei wrapped his arms around Shadow's middle. She flew out of the parking lot, bent low over the bike, dodging through traffic, until she reached home. Hiei lunged off the bike and was gone the second she stopped it. Grinning, she looked at her watch. Excellent. Five minutes, on the dot.

She'd returned to the living room and was sitting on the couch in her skanky leather with Ryu nearby looking uncomfortable when Hiei walked in. He stopped when he saw Ryu.

"Yech. What's he doing here, Shadow?"

"Parents kicked him out. You don't mind, do you?"

"Not like it matters."

"I'll leave if you want me to," Ryu said. "I mean... I'd like to stay. Shadow's a great cook and she's good at cards, not to mention she looks really sexy in that leather" Hiei turned a cold gaze on the boy and his eyes widened. "Did I say that out loud?"

"Yes," Hiei said, his voice matching his icy glare.

"It's okay, Ryu. I don't blame you," Shadow said. "I know I look great. You want me to go change so you don't have to be all tense like you are?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Yes. I'll go change." She got up. Hiei followed her upstairs. In her doorway, she paused and turned. "Can I help you?"

Hiei pressed his lips against hers. "I missed you," he said quietly. She grinned.

"I missed you too."

"Karasu was being an asshole. He wouldn't leave me alone. I didn't get any sleep."

Shadow chuckled a bit. "Go to bed, then."

He didn't move.

"You know, you got awfully offended at what Ryu said downstairs," she teased. Hiei frowned.

"So?"

"Why?"

Hiei shrugged. "Did it bother you?"

"Nah, it's kinda cute." She smiled. "But you can't bite off everyone's head when they say I'm attractive. They're bound to. I _am_."

"You're pretty full of yourself, if you ask me," he replied, smirking a bit. "Anyway, I kind of like having other people compliment you. It just makes me all the more pleased that you're mine."

Shadow smiled. "I'm yours, hm? Well, I'm happy to be..." She kissed him. Pulling away all too quickly, she grinned at the look on Hiei's face and shut her door. He let out a startled yelp.

"Shadow!"

"I'm changing!" she called back. "Leave a message!"

Hiei just groaned and walked away. He'd barely reached the top of the stairs when Shadow came flying out of her room, slid, and fell, ending up sitting on the floor behind him. He looked down.

"Problems?"

"You left! You weren't supposed to leave, you were supposed to stand there."

"I didn't get that memo!"

Shadow sighed. "We'll have to work on that."

"How about we work on it - whatever it is - when Ryu isn't here anymore," Hiei said in a lowered voice.

"Ah, yes. Forgot all about him."

Hiei rolled his eyes and went downstairs. Shadow trailed after him, complaining about him rolling his eyes at her. Downstairs, Ryu looked at the two, blinking, and examined Shadow's extremely baggy black outfit.

"So..." he started hesitantly in the silence. Shadow burst into song and ran away. Hiei sighed and kind of just... rolled... over the back of the couch, ending up lying with his head on the pillow. Ryu blinked, staring at him. When he didn't move for some time, the boy got up and went to his room.

Eclipse and Kurama, meanwhile, were having just as much fun. While Kurama sat in the garden he kept in the backyard, Eclipse was sleeping up in his room. _Why_ she was in his room, he wasn't sure. He'd gone downstairs for breakfast, come back, and found her there. In the mean time, he was trying to figure out what to do today. He wasn't sure he could sit and watch TV all day, and that was surely what Eclipse planned to do (should she ever wake up, he added as an afterthought). Perhaps he'd go to Shadow's, as he did almost every weekend.

_"They'll probably be all over each other, Shuuichi. You don't want to go there,"_ Youko nagged. Ignoring him, the redhead got up and went inside to the phone. He dialed Shadow's number and waited for somebody to pick up.

_Ring..._

Hiei heard the phone ringing, but he didn't want to answer it.

_Ring..._

He wanted to sleep. It was probably Kyoukan, calling to make sure he made it home okay. Freak.

_Ring..._

Well if it was, he could call back later. If it's important to them, they always call back.

_Ring..._

Ryu came down the stairs and looked at Hiei. "The phone's ringing," he said helpfully.

"I know," Hiei said, voice muffled in the pillow.

"Oh." Pause.

_Ring..._

"You gonna answer it?"

"Nope."

"Oh. Who is it?"

"Don't know, don't care."

_Ring..._

"Oh." He waited another second, then went back upstairs.

Kurama sighed. Nobody was answering. Maybe Shadow had gone to get Hiei? He heard another ring, counting it as the seventh.

_"Face it, Shuuichi. Hiei came home and now they're having sex."_

_"Would you SHUT UP, Youko! They aren't to that point in the relationship yet!"_

_"What makes you so goddam sure, stupid boy?"_

"I'm_ the stupid ningen with the emotions, right? I understand them better than you."_

Shadow flew in the front door, into the living room, over the couch, around it, and back in to pick up the phone in the dining room.

"If you want me to pose for porn, I'm gonna sic my husband on you. If you're selling something, come to my door; the weasels are hungry. If this is a wrong number, you'd better hang up. If this is Kurama, he'd better say so. If-"

"It's Kurama," the boy said quickly. Shadow smiled brightly.

"Hello! What do you want?"

"Why'd the phone ring so many times before you answered?"

"How many?"

"About eight."

"Oh. Well obviously nobody wanted to answer it, then."

"I just called to see if Hiei was home yet."

"Yes, he is. He's asleep on the couch."

"Oh."

"We're not having sex."

"That's good to know."

"Ryu's here."

"That's nice. Would you be having sex if he weren't?"

"Only if Hiei pounced on me and totally initiated the entire thing."

_"Oh, that's reassuring,"_ Youko hissed. _"If Hiei wants sex, Shadow will comply. Demons can only hold their lust for so long, you know."_

_"SHUT UP, YOUKO!"_

"Okay... Let's hope that doesn't happen, then," he replied.

"Not soon, at least," Shadow said. Kurama winced.

"I'm gonna forget I heard that."

"That'd probably be for the best."

There was a pause.

"So how's Eclipse doing?" Shadow asked.

"She's asleep."

"But... it's, like, something o'clock..."

"Yes, it's afternoon. I know."

"I'm surprised you haven't gone and dragged her out of bed."

"I did. She didn't wake up, so I put her back."

"Ah. If you want her to wake up, mention food."

"Well it's actually rather peaceful with her asleep. She's actually been pretty asleep since last night when we were watching a movie. I had to carry her upstairs and put her in her bed. Even you don't sleep that much."

"No. Only with Hiei." Up until now, her voice had been more or less a monotone, but after 'no', the evil grin was apparent in her voice.

"Would you stop saying such things! I know you're intentionally saying stuff like that to put thoughts and images in my mind and to pester Youko, so stop it!"

"But it's funny."

"Not it's not!"

"Yeah it is. And it's true." Pause. "Sort of." Pause. "I could sleep forever in his arms, but he doesn't sleep that long." Intentionally melodramatic sigh.

"Shadow... God..."

"Yes I am."

"Whatever. Look, I'm gonna go wake up Eclipse. Maybe we'll drop by later."

"Feel free. Maybe you can distract Ryu and me and Hiei can"

"Bye, Shadow," Kurama said, and hung up. Shadow frowned.

"Rude young man. What was he, raised in a barn?" She hung up and went to the living room doorway. She crawled into the room and slithered up the back of the couch like a snake, raising her upper body up without the use of her arms, and sneaking up to peek over the couch at Hiei. He was curled up on his side, sleeping peacefully. An evil grin appeared on her face and she slithered onto the back of the couch. Perching there like a cat, she reached down and jabbed Hiei in the side, in the sensitive spot below his ribs. He yelped and fell off the couch. Without his meager weight to counter Shadow's also meager weight, the couch was top-heavy and since Shadow wasn't concentrating on balance, it fell right over backwards. Shadow went flying and hit the wall with her legs up in the air. Hiei got up and stared at her, blinking a couple times, then righted the couch and climbed over it, waiting for her to fall off the wall. After a minute, she landed on the floor with a thud.

"Y'know I was already awake, right?" Hiei said dryly.

Shadow stared up at him. "You looked pretty darn asleep."

"I woke up when the phone was ringing. Listened to your conversation with Kurama..."

She turned slightly pink and smiled. "Really?"

"Yes. You could sleep forever in my arms, hm?"

"If you'd let me."

He paused. "Get rid of Ryu and feel free."

"But... What, am I just gonna tell him to leave?"

"Why not?"

"That's rude!"

"Since when do you care?"

Shadow blinked. "Good point." She got up. "I'll lie."

"Go for it."

Shadow grinned evilly. "What should I say? Hm..." She snapped her fingers and pointed at the couch. "Lay down and look sick!"

"What?"

"Lay down" She pushed him towards the couch. "close your eyes, look asleep. Look sick."

"I don't know how"

"Just do it."

Shrugging, Hiei lay down on the couch. Shadow threw a blanket over him, then tucked it tightly around him.

"Curl up and close your eyes. You're sick."

She darted upstairs and composed herself before knocking on Ryu's door. It opened.

"Oh, hey Shadow. What is it?"

"I think you should go home," she said.

"What? Why?"

"Hiei's not feeling so well, and it might be contageous, y'know? He doesn't really feel like having company an' all... Sorry."

"It's alright, I understand. I'll find someplace else to stay."

"I hope you're not offended."

"No, it's okay! To be honest, I don't want to be around him if he's sick either. I'll go to my friend's house or something."

Ten minutes later, Shadow was seeing Ryu out the front door. He'd used their phone to call a friend, and the said friend was now waiting for him outside the house. It was a girl, Shadow could tell that, but she couldn't tell who. Then Ryu was in the car, gone, and she shrugged, going to Hiei. He opened one eye to look up at her.

"Am I still sick?"

"Only if you really are," she said. He yawned.

"Not sick. Tired."

She smiled and lay next to him. "Sleep, then."

"Well?"

Ryu looked at the girl in the driver's seat, then looked away. "Y'know, Arisa-san, I... I don't think this is right."

"What do you mean? Ryu, you know it's right. Hiei Jaganshi is obviously hiding something, and so is that bitch Shadow. Once we find out what, we expose it and Shuuichi Minamino will want nothing to do with them anymore. He will be all mine."

Ryu looked out the window at the trees outside. Arisa had pulled off onto some little back road where nobody would find them (it was typically only used nowadays for teenagers to drive into the woods for _privacy_). She was waiting. He shifted nervously.

"I don't know..."

"Have you forgotten why you agreed to this?"

"No, Arisa-san. I haven't forgotten. But..."

"What did you find out? Tell me, or those photos will be plastered all over the internet."

Ryu sighed. "Well... When I got there yesterday... Hiei was in prison."

"Whoa, what? Why!"

"I don't know why."

"But you said on the phone"

"Yeah. He came home. He just had to spend the night."

Arisa smirked. "Well then, isn't that interesting... What else?"

Ryu shrugged. "Shadow's got really skanky tight leather. She doesn't seem in the least uncomfortable wearing it around Hiei."

"Hm... So there's a relationship there? Did you find anything to prove it?"

"I'm not sure there's anything between them. It's just how Shadow is. She's not afraid to flaunt what she's got."

Arisa snorted. "What's _she_ got that I don't?"

_A brain,_ Ryu thought sourly. _Beauty without 50 pounds of make-up and diet pills._ However, he just shrugged. Arisa was silent for a minute, then said, "What else? You came to school with them one day this week. You were at their house, but you didn't tell me anything. What happened then?"

The boy hesitated. Being on the wrong end of blackmail really sucked. "Um... Then?"

"Yes, Ryu. Something happened you don't want to tell me?"

"No, nothing happened."

"You know, maybe your mother would like to see those pictures..."

Ryu's eyes widened a bit. "No!"

"What happened? The truth."

"They... um... camped. In the forest. Sort of."

"Sort of? How do you 'sort of' camp?"

"Without a tent..."

"They slept on the ground?"

"Hiei... he, um... got real mad about something Eclipse said and stormed out... And Shadow followed him... And they weren't back by the time I fell asleep. The next morning, they were back, and Shuuichi was there too."

Arisa frowned. "So they went and had sex in the woods? That's creative."

"I don't think they had sex."

"Really? Sex is so much more damaging than just coming back, though." She shrugged. "Thank you, Ryu. You've been helpful. I expect you'll continue being helpful?"

"...I guess..."

"I knew I could count on you." She leaned over and kissed him.

(Ack. I feel unclean now. I'll leave their activities to your creative mind.)

* * *

**I honestly did feel really disgusted after writing that last part... WHY DID I WRITE IT? I don't know.  
I'm writing chapter eighteen right now. If I have 221 reviews now, on only nine chapters, how many will I have by the time I get to chapter eighteen? And I'm not sure how near I am to done... Chapter eighteen, believe it or not, is still only January. I have a good half a year to write! AGH!**


	11. Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch

**(3-17-05) Happy Saint Patrick's Day, everyone!  
Thank you for your reviews, and a special thank you to the people who wished me a happy birthday. :D  
I have 256 reviews as of right now. I love you all (in that... friend sorta way)****  
**Since the Lord of the Rings is mentioned in this chapter, I suppose I should disclaim ownership and association.  
I have nothing to do with the Lord of the Rings. I own the soundtracks. That's it.

This freakin' thing takes out my dividers, so I gotta use this damned horizontal ruler thing to divide scenes! I don't even know where all it's supposed to go! Evil, stupid QuickEdit.

Okay, Kayrana, I accept the titleof first or second ruler of random-randomness! Jeesh!

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER ELEVEN  
**Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch...

"It's hard for a girl to go through school, you know, when every single human female in the school hates her because she's friends with you," Shadow said as she received yet another dirty look for walking through the hall with Kurama. "I feel very disliked."

"Not _everyone_ hates you because you're friends with me. Some hate you because you're so close to Hiei... Others hate you because you're close to both of us..."

"Thanks, fox. Thanks a lot."

"What! Then there's those who are jealous because you're beautiful, jealous because you're smart, jealous because you're smart, beautiful, friends with me, _and _friends with Hiei"

Shadow slapped her hand over his mouth, stopping him.

"I appreciate the compliments, but in contest, they aren't really very flattering."

"Context, Shadow," he corrected, prying her hand away.

"Shut up!"

They stepped into Health, taking their seats in the back of the room. Eclipse was not with them, for when her parents had returned home and found out about her very short prison stay, they'd forbidden her from leaving the house for fear that perhaps she'd get arrested for good next time. To hopefully prevent another prison stay, her parents had searched her room for: drugs, porn, anything combustable, pictures of boys, notes from boys, notes from girls, pictures of girls, anything dealing with love, crime, sex, death, or paranormal; books with more then 665 pages, staffs of the devil, pitchforks, sharp things, anything that could be huffed (i.e. cheese in a can, under-the-sink cleaning products, etc), weapons of mass destruction, weapons of _minor_ destruction, dogs, cats, boys, Satan, Americans, rappers, anything made in China, and video games that did not involve the main character skipping around throwing flower petals. Then they chained her door shut, barred her windows, and brought in only balanced, healthy meals three times a day.

Upon entering the room, Shadow received death glares from every Shuuichi Minamino fan in the entire room.

"Is it just me, or have I gotten a lot more evil looks today than every day so far this year combined?" she said quietly as she settled herself next to Kurama.

"I did notice you've been getting dirty looks much more frequently..."

"School sucks."

The tardy bell rang and Etsuko-sensei hurried into the room. "Good afternoon class! How is everyone?"

Silence.

"Did anybody have any experiences Health-related over the weekend? Anything dealing with what we've been discussing?"

And instantly, the entire class turned around and looked directly at Shadow. Etsuko-sensei looked at her curiously.

"Shadow-san?"

"I didn't do anything over the weekend," she said, horrified. "I slept almost all of Saturday and what little of Sunday I wasn't asleep, I was fighting street gangs on the bad side of town with flaming toothpicks!"

The loathing glares intensified. Even Kurama shifted uncomfortably, being so close to the subject of such hatred.

"That's not what everybody around school is saying," one boy towards the front of the room announced. "Rumor is, Shadow had sex with the gym teacher!"

Shadow's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. Then she snapped her teeth shut and narrowed her eyes hatefully. "Whoever started _that_ rumor is full of it."

"My friend said she overheard you telling Eclipse on Friday," another girl said.

Kurama put his hand on Shadow's arm to calm her. Etsuko-sensei was smiling kindly.

"It's okay, Shadow-san. If you're embarrassed, don't be. Sex is"

"I'M A VIRGIN, LADY! And if I'd had sex with a friggin' gym teacher who's twice my age, I certainly wouldn't be announcing it in public!"

"Very well, then. We'll move on, but if you ever want to talk about your sex life, remember I'm always here."

Shadow snorted. "I'm not. I'm outta here. Assholes. You're all assholes." She got up and paused behind Kurama. "Except you, Shuuichi." She kissed his cheek before continuing out of the room. Kurama turned slightly red as the gazes turned on him, then extremely abruptly jumped up and ran out of the room. The door slammed behind him.

"Shadow!" he snapped. She was only a few feet ahead of him, so she paused for him to catch up. "What the hell was that for?"

She shrugged. "Felt like it. You know the bitch in me is always looking for ways to piss people off, even when it could result in my own death."

"Well that's stupid," he snapped. "Now you're doomed for sure. I'd bet everybody in the school is going to gang up on you after school today."

"I'll whoop 'em."

"I know! That's the problem!"

"Why's it a problem? What the fuck! So you're on their side now?"

"No, Shadow... It's because you're not allowed to seem out of the ordinary!"

"I know martial arts. There's people in the world who know martial arts."

"But a sixteen-year-old girl shouldn't be able to take on an entire school population!"

"Then I'll recruit your and Hiei's help."

"Shadow!"

"What?"

Kurama sighed and leaned against the wall, rubbing his temples. "This is all Yusuke's fault, you know. He had to go and say you couldn't survive in school. He just HAD to say it!"

"Yeah. Blame him. I'm going to the gym." She spun and left. Kurama watched her go, then snapped his brain into action and ran after her.

"You can't go to the gym!"

"I am."

"But that's even more suspicious! You've got to work to get rid of the rumor, not reinforce it!"

"Rumors don't really bother me. I was just being overdramatic back there."

Kurama sighed as they took the turn into the gym. "What if everyone in here heard the rumor too?"

"Then they heard the rumor. They'll harass us, we'll yell at them, Hiei can give them all detention, the world will continue to turn."

Indeed, it seemed everyone in Hiei's gym classes had all heard the rumor. They'd been smart enough not to ridicule _him_ about it (at least, most of them had), but when Shadow walked into the gym, all activity seemed to pause for a heartbeat, and when it continued, it was slowereveryone was watching them. Shadow didn't care. She marched right over to Hiei.

"Hiei! There's a rumor going around the school that we had sex! Who started it?"

The fire demon's eyes widened a bit. "How do you expect me to know?"

"You're smart."

Hiei sighed. "Yeah, people have been acting oddly, I heard some whispers about it... Why aren't you in class?"

"Because people in there all told the health teacher I had sex with you, so then she was all like, trying to counsel me on my sex life. I told her I'm a virgin, and complained about you being twice my age, of course I didn't have sex with you! Pfft! What're they thinking?"

"She was a little overdramatic," Kurama muttered. "Just a tad."

Hiei opened his mouth to speak, then noticed half the gym class had stopped whatever they'd been doing to stare at him. He glared. "STOP STARING! Staring does not in any way strain the body!"

"Unless you stare long enough your eyes dry up, then you have to strain to see for the rest of your life," Shadow muttered. Hiei ignored her.

"Get back to work!" They did, but it was still the calmer, slower, quieter work of people all cooperating on listening in on a private conversation. Hiei sighed. "Have I mentioned how much I hate this job?"

"Hey, well, aren't you starting at the prison tonight?"

Hiei nodded. "I've had a few people mention that to me... I expected rumors about that, but I don't know who the hell would start a rumor about us having sex. Unless it was Ryu."

"He wouldn't do that!" Shadow said. "He's a nice kid."

"He's a ningen."

"So?"

"So he's a ningen. I don't like them," Hiei said flatly. Kurama smiled.

"Yet you associate with them on a daily basis..."

"Not my choice, fox."

"So... How exactly is this job thing going to go?"

Hiei shrugged. "I have to be there at ten, and I get off at six in the morning."

"That doesn't leave a whole lot of time for sleep," Kurama pointed out.

"No shit, Captain Obvious. I'll sleep after I get home from here."

"What about when the soccer team has practice? Aren't those two hours long?"

"Around there."

"So by the time you're done with that, you've got a little more than four hours before you have to go back to work."

Hiei nodded. "So?"

"Is that really good for you? I mean, I know you're strong and everything, but that could take its toll on even you, Hiei."

"Shut up, Kurama. I can function for a week on no sleep whatsoever. Four hours is plenty."

"And where does eating fit into this? And bathing and social time?"

"Social time." Shadow snorted. "What's that? Hiei doesn't have social time."

Kurama frowned. "What do you call the time he spends with you?"

"Not _social time_."

"Does it matter what it's called?" Hiei asked. "Point is, I won't have much of it. That concerns you, fox?"

"Yeah."

"I'll still have weekends. Why does it concern you so much?"

"Well, now that... y'know. You're gonna go off and never be around each other."

"I could hang out with him in the middle of the night at the police station or where ever the hell he'll be," Shadow said, shrugging.

"I don't think they like people _hanging out_ at police stations."

"They can deal with it. I'll tell them I have to because my counselor is worried I don't have enough time around my good friend Hiei what with him having two jobs and all..."

"I still don't think"

"It doesn't matter," Hiei said flatly. Both of them silenced instantly. "We'll work it out. Thing is, I'm not in prison anymore, I've got two asshole bosses, and what compensation am I getting for all this?"

"Money," Kurama said, shrugging.

"Sex?" Shadow offered questioningly. Hiei snorted.

"Good one, Shadow. You know that's the word every person in this gym is just waiting to hear. Now they're listening even more raptly than before."

"I know. That's why I said it out loud."

Kurama and Hiei both looked a little confused. They just nodded. "Right. Whatever."

"I wonder if they'd hear me if I said I wanted to brutally murder principal Yamashita."

"Of course they would._ I_ did."

Shadow bit her lip as Yamashita's voice echoed across the gym. "Damned timing." Hiei snorted.

"Jaganshi, you have detention to serve tonight with Tayama. He does not have a class next period and is requesting you are sent to his room early. I trust she will not miss anything she can't make up in here, Jaganshi?"

"No." Hiei looked past Yamashita at his still and silent class. "GET BACK TO WORK! I CAN FLUNK YOU ALL, YOU KNOW!"

They instantly busied themselves with whatever they'd been doing.

"What are you doing in here, Minamino?" Yamashita snapped. "I know Jaganshi is skipping class and she'll make up double the work she missed, but you? What are _you_ doing?"

"Apparently I'm also skipping class, sir," Kurama muttered.

"Detention. Go to the office."

Kurama's eyebrow twitched, but he said nothing as he turned and walked away, elegant still in his annoyance. It's got to be difficult to be so perfect all the time... Perhaps it just comes to him naturally, though.

All the fangirls in the class instantly went into an uproar, rushing to Kurama and swarming around him, trying to stop him and argue that Yamashita was being unfair, all of them offering to go beat him down or at least try to plead his case. Kurama, in his characteristic Shuuichi Minamino way, managed to assure them that he would take the punishment without complaint; it was his duty, of coursehe'd committed the misdemeanor, he'd take the punishment for it. Then, with overdramatic valiance, he squared his shoulders and walked from the gym in such a way that caused most of the girls to swoon at his 'bravery'. Shadow and Hiei watched, right eyes twitching in unison. Yamashita frowned a bit.

"He's our prize student..." he reminded himself, sighing.

"Yeah! And you just gave him detention!" Shadow snapped. "Does that not give you any sense of wrongdoing? No guilt will fester in your dark little heart as you lay alone in bed tonight? Won't it plague you for the rest of your life? Will you not lie tossing and turning at night, knowing you gave the top student and most beloved boy in Mieou High a detention? You're a _turrible_ person, Utemaro Yamashita, and you should be _ashamed_ of yourself! _Turrible!_ Absolutely _awful_." Shadow crossed her arms and turned her back with a _hmph!_ "Turrible. I just can't believe it. I'm... I'm so lost for words! I am aghast at your nerve! Turrible. _TURRIBLE!_"

"Go to detention!" Yamashita snapped. "Minamino's just the same as anyone else when he breaks the rules!"

"But he _taught_ here!"

"Go to Tayama-sensei's classroom."

"But I have like, twenty minutes!"

"NOW."

Shadow frowned. "Won't he be pissed at me for interrupting his class?"

"Go. I'm sure he'll find something for you to do to stay out of his way."

The girl's frown deepened. "Fine. Ass. Bye Hiei, see you after school."

"Last game of the year is today," Hiei said. Shadow swore again.

"So, what time? Seven?"

Hiei shrugged. "Probably earlier than that. It's at four."

Shadow nodded. "Okay. Well then, I'm off to do whatever Tayama wills me to!" She skipped away, pushing through the still-congregated Shuuichi Minamino Fanclub of Jaganshi-sensei's Current Physical Education Teaching Session.

"You, Jaganshi."

Hiei looked up at him, looking most inhospitable.

"I need to speak to you in private."

"What about?"

"I said in private. You have an office, don't you?"

"Yes. I suppose you want to go _there_?"

Yamashita glared. Hiei sighed and led the way. Once in his office with the door shut, he turned back to the principal.

"What do you want?"

The man looked furious. "How the hell did you get off a prison sentence?"

"What do you mean?"

"Ryobe pressed charges!"

"Ryobe...?" He pretended to think. "I'm drawing a blank. Who's Ryobe?"

"The man you nearly murdered!"

Hiei blinked and told the biggest lie in the world. "I've never murdered anyone in my life."

"I don't care! How did you get off a prison sentence!"

"I told you I have contacts all over the city. I told you you'd regret calling the cops. To intensify that, I had to share a cell overnight with a bisexual man who is obsessed with a good friend of mine."

Yamashita didn't look like he cared in the least. "I'm going to look you up, Jaganshi. I want to know why the hell you can go from being fourteen to thirty in two years. I want to know how you can dodge a prison sentence like the one Ryobe was sure to get you. I want to know why you think you're so much better than me and continue insulting me when I'm your superior and I could have you fired."

"Only ningen society makes you my _superior_, Yamashita."

God, how he hated ningens.

"Neither you nor your little Ryobe friend is my _superior_."

They were so arrogant, so stupid.

"And I know you want to _expose me_ for _what I am_."

This part was going to hurt.

"Let me tell you, Yamashita. I'm just a human, like you and your friend and every student in this school."

Ouch. Oh, God, he felt icky now.

"I don't know what you think I am, what you think I'm hiding, but you're wrong. I'm not _hiding_ anything."

At least, nothing Yamashita needed to know.

The principal glared, eyes wide and face red with fury.

"You will regret this all, Jaganshi. Once I find out the truth, you will regret it," he growled. Then he turned and tore open Hiei's office door. It slammed into the rubber stop on the wall and bounced back, shutting behind him. Everybody in the gym class witnessed principal Yamashita's furious exit from the gymnasium, and a few minutes later, they witnessed Hiei oh-so-calmly saunter out of the locker room, hands in his pockets and not looking in the least bit concerned that he'd just royally pissed off his boss.

_Let him try to find out anything about me,_ he thought, climbing up the bleachers and sitting at the top. _He'll only find out what Koenma put in the ningen records._ He rather abruptly realized he had no idea what Koenma had put in the ningen records. Perhaps he should find out, so if Yamashita interrogated him, he would know what was going on. This job was proving to be a lot less pleasant than he'd expected (and that was saying a lothe hadn't been planning on a pleasant job here to start with).

* * *

Shadow sauntered into Tayama's classroom without knocking, right in the middle of his lecture. When he rounded on her to shout, she simply said, "Yamashita sent me. What am I doing?" 

"Sit in the back. Wait until I'm done."

She obeyed, and sat at one of the back lab tables with her chin resting on her arms until the bell rang. Tayama stalked back to her and pointed to a stack of... things... in a sink.

"My upper classes had lab today," he said. "There is a very specific procedure for cleaning the dissection materials. It is posted above the sinks. I expect every single object in every sink in here to be cleaned to my satisfaction. Get to work."

And so, Shadow did. It seemed all she'd done in detention since the beginning of the year was clean (whether it be bathrooms, floors, offices, classrooms, desks, or every TV screen and computer monitor in the building) and do extra bookwork. Neither of these activities much displeased her. If she didn't get something done in class, she did it in detention. If she got everything done, she had a list of extra work from all her teachers. She could pick and choose the extra work for the classes she needed extra credit most in. Being as she didn't really need it in any class, she picked what she found most entertaining or what gave her the most leisure.

Yamashita came into the detention room (which was a dim and most unpleasant roomalmost like a prisonhousing one window that was usually covered by a dark curtain, its own personal bathroom, a large table at which she was rarely the only one seated, and absolutely no decorations on the walls) every twenty minutes. Already in the first couple months of school she'd gained the amazing ability to sleep with her eyes open for eighteen-minute intervals. All she needed now was to be able to write comprehensible Japanese in her sleep and she'd be all set to sleep through detentions for the rest of the year. Having tried the writing in her sleep thing a couple times and coming out with a paper scribbled in something only she could read, she'd written something about the secret of the universe having something to do with chocolate-covered cherries, an acid trip, and a rather deadly recipe for vodka. Upon hearing this "secret of the universe," Kurama had pleaded with her to never, ever attempt to write in her sleep again. It was only later he wondered how she had jurisdiction over the act of writing, but not the words she wrote, in her sleep.

And so, Shadow scrubbed the guts off the dissection trays. Trying to identify the creature these parts had come from had quickly been an idea she'd discarded, and instead she'd taken to singing the ancient Neanderthal equivalent of 'Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes.' It wasn't the best choice to sing, as they hadn't had the clearest language in the world, and Tayama threatened her with more detentions if she continued with her spouting of "musical obseneties."

Meanwhile, Yamashita, being majorly pissed off, was flipping out on our dearly beloved fox-boy in his office. 

"YOU'RE OUR STAR PUPIL! HOW COULD YOU SKIP CLASS? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SET AN EXAMPLE FOR OTHER STUDENTS! DON'T EXPECT ANY LENIENCE IN THIS MATTER JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE THE FAMOUS _SHUUICHI MINAMINO!_"

"I don't, sir. I do have a question, though, if you'd be so kind as to answer it."

"What!"

"What'd Hiei do to tick you off so bad, sir? Because I know it was him. Was he flaunting his superiority again?"

"GET OUT OF MY OFFICE! YOU HAVE DETENTION! I TRUST YOU KNOW WHERE TO GO?"

"Yes sir." Kurama turned and left, looking absolutely solemn, but Yamashita missed his smirk and the slight chuckle as he shut the principal's office door. He went to the detention room at the last bell like a good little boy and sat amongst the delinquents there. Youko was stirring in the back of his head, happy with his little defiance.

_"Now why don't you do that more often, Shuuichi?"_ the fox questioned. Kurama chuckled mentally.

_"You know why, Youko. Now please, If I'm going to be in detention, I might as well act like I'm studying."_

_"You can act while we talk."_

_"What are we going to _talk_ about, Youko?"_

The fox had no answer at first. He just sighed. Then he said, _"How about you and Eclipse?"_

Kurama's eyes narrowed. His face was hidden by his hand, his head bowed over his math book and his fingers in his hair, forehead resting on the heel of his hand. Youko was smirking.

_"Struck a nerve?"_

_"Eclipse and I are not together, Youko. You know it as well as I."_

_"But you want to be, don't you?"_

_"Eclipse is an interesting character, to be sure. She's not exactly my type, however."_

_"Then what _is_ your type, Shuuichi? Really, I can't believe you're letting little old me keep you from having a sex life."_

_"Shut up."_

The fox sighed. _"Very well, very well. You don't want to talk about it. What shall we talk about, then?"_

_"How about nothing?"_

_"How about Shadow and Hiei? Or are you uncomfortable discussing their relationship too?"_

_"Their relationship is none of our business."_

_"So how long do you figure it'll be before Hiei takes her? I mean, it'll obviously happen eventually. She managed to make him feel love."_ A shudder from the fox. _"I give them six months, at the most. What about you?"_

_"Youko"_

_"You're no fun."_

_"Hiei respects her. If she's not ready, he won't force her."_

_"What if she _is_ ready?"_

_"Shut up."_

Avenue of discussion closed. Youko stirred, but retreated back into the darker depths of Shuuichi Minamino's mind to sulk in the corner when he could get no further reaction from the boy.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Shadow had taken to singing campfire songs while scrubbing the smellier dissection trays. She was almost through with them. Tayama hadn't left the room more than twice the entire time. He'd been grading papers and rearranging his cabinets and hovering over her shoulder since the beginning of the final period of the day. It was really quite annoying, but Shadow, being the diligent worker she was, didn't let it get her down. She just sang her songs (usually annoying things like nursery rhymes in other languages...) and cleaned her dissection trays, and the world kept turning, and downstairs, Kurama continued reading his math book.

At home, Eclipse was sitting on her bed, looking around at her mess of a bedroom.

Everything was where it belonged.

It turned out she _did_ have a floor in her room. The window was shut against the autumn wind, the curtains were tied back, the floor was so clean a person's reflection could be seen in it. It made her shudder, but her mother had done this to her room and if she reorganized it her own way instantly afterwards, she wouldn't just miss this last soccer game of the season, she would never play soccer again just because she spent twenty minutes or so in prison and messed up her room after her parents' very thorough search.

So, she left the room organized how her mother had put it. It was terrible. Her manga was all arranged by color, her clothes were folded in her dresser and hanging in her closet, her desk had neat stacks of papers and books instead of its customary state of what Eclipse called 'disorganized organization', and her cat's nest of papers was now crammed in a box in the basement. It was enough to make her cry. However, her 100 CDs and bookshelf full of manga consoled her, and she spent the next three days grounded, blasting music and rereading every single manga on her shelf.

Her parents had also insisted she start eating healthier. Therefore, she was fed fruits and vegetables at every meal, breads and crackers and milk and healthy things like that. She was banned from chocolate and sugar and soda and things that were not in her mother's diet book. It made her want to throw herself off a bridge. However, she didn't, because lucky her had a cell phone with which she called her friends every day of her imprisonment.

* * *

The girls' soccer team lost horribly their last game of the season without Eclipse's help. Hiei yelled at them all, then strolled away, not really caring a great deal. He was finally through with this godforsaken soccer stuff. By the next year, they'd have a new coach. So, he walked on towards the bleachers, where rather abruptly, a certain female friend of his jumped down from above and landed in front of him. Rather than jumping or looking startled, he simply smiled at her. 

"Hello. Detention go well?"

"Exceptionally. I'm probably going to get a big ol' failing grade in Tayama's class for royally pissing him off."

"How?"

"Song and dance, my good man. It annoys everybody!"

"What were you doing?"

"I was cleaning dissection trays," she said, shrugging.

"I thought I smelled something nasty."

"Yeah. Well I was cleaning the dissection trays, singing children's songs and dancing on occasion... I thoroughly enjoyed it, except now my hands are all pruny, but I think Tayama really hated it."

"Well then, mission complete, right?"

"Yep!"

Hiei chuckled. "You're horrible."

"What? You like pissing off Yamashita, I like pissing off everyone I can."

"It's not like I hadn't noticed, Shadow."

"Yes, well, c'mon. You going home?"

"Not like I've got anywhere else to go."

They turned and headed to the parking lot, in which Shadow's motorcycle was parked. Hiei had gotten better about riding on a motorcycle with her, as long as she didn't do too much traffic-dodging, speeding, and illegal fun things like that. So he willingly got on the bike, neither of them wearing any more protective gear than leather jackets and gloves.

They arrived home shortly after, slightly startled to see lights on in several windows. Shadow put the motorcycle around the back of the house where she kept it, and entered through the back door with Hiei in the lead. It wasn't as if they were worried about burglars or criminals quartering themselves in the house; it practically had its own mind about such things when it was alone (it was the DOom. Definitely the DOom). They just happened to go in that way.

Walking into the living room, Hiei was slightly surprised to see Yusuke and Kuwabara sprawled on the couch watching TV. The two teens looked up, smiles lighting their faces.

"Hey!" Yusuke said, getting up. "You're home!"

"Yeah..."

"Haven't seen you in weeks! How's life?"

Hiei was a bit confused, thus cautious. "Why're you being so... friendly?"

"Do I have to have a reason to be friendly around my friends? I haven't even talked to you guys for several weeks! Keiko's been forcing me to go to school every day, do my homework every day, you guys have been going to school every day... No time. But I managed to get away from homework today, and now I'm here!"

"Congratulations," Shadow said dryly.

"So how's school?" Yusuke asked.

"Marvelous!" She brightened up. "Detention every day just gives me more time to piss off various teachers! There's no in-between for most teachers, either they love me or they hate me. They all know me. I feel so special! The principal wants both me and Hiei dead..."

"Nah, he just wants to _expose my secrets_," Hiei corrected, smirking. "I'm taking a shower, I've got to wash off all the grimy lies I told him." He shuddered and walked away. Yusuke blinked, confused.

"Hey... Since when did he care if he lied?" Kuwabara asked.

"Since he told the principal he was just a ningen like all the rest of us. I wasn't there, unfortunately, but he told me."

"Oh... So how're you guys doing?"

"We're dandy, Yusuke," Shadow replied, plopping down in her sacred fluffy reclining chair. "Hiei's got a second job."

"What?"

"Yeah. At the prison. He's a cop now."

"**_What!_**"

"But only at night. Don't say 'what' again."

"_Why?_"

"Long story..."

"Uh..."

"He'll explain it."

"O...kay..."

"So how've you guys been?"

"I'm overworked," Yusuke said. "We're just lucky Koenma hasn't needed us for a mission lately. I don't doubt Keiko would still insist I got all my homework done even if I was off saving the city from giant green things with tentacles..."

Shadow chuckled. "Yeah, well... I haven't missed a day of school yet, and I still have an A average despite my detentions. They don't lower grades for detention."

"Good thing for you, too."

"Yes."

"So how's Eclipse?"

"She was in prison for twenty minutes and her parents won't let her leave her house now."

"What? She gonna be home-schooled?"

"Nah, when she's oh-so-obedient for a few days, they'll let her out. The soccer team lost their game cuz of her, though."

"Um... Boo?"

And so they sat and socialized for a little while. When Hiei got out of the shower, he got on the computer and researched... himself... to find out what exactly Yamashita would find out if he went through with his threats.

At about nine-thirty, Hiei headed for the door. Shadow saw and hurriedly got up, running to him.

"You leaving?"

Hiei nodded. "Walking."

"Sure you don't want me to take you? That way you could stay here longer."

"It's alright."

"It won't take you half an hour to walk there."

"I know."

"Why're you leaving so early?"

"I want to get there early. Kyoukan is an ass, but I have a chance to keep him from hating me like Yamashita does. Stupid ningens."

Shadow smiled. "You've adjusted well to Ningenkai life, Hiei."

"It's nothing I'm proud of," he said. Her smile faltered a bit, and she leaned down and kissed him.

"Thank you. Now get," she said, pointing to the door. Hiei, a small smile on his face, left. Yusuke, who had witnessed the entire scene, walked into the room.

"That was rather... untactful, you know."

Shadow blinked. "What do you know about tact, perv?"

"What's that supposed to mean!"

"Nevermind. What were you saying?"

"How you just tell him to 'get.' You could say something nicer, like, 'Now you should be going' or something."

"What do you care how I talk to him?"

"Well, I just figured, y'know, you two kiss, then you tell him to 'get.' It's a little contradictory."

"I'm Miss Contradiction. What do you expect?"

"Not much."

"Hey! Wait a second, you were watching us kiss?"

"Yep. Wait, no! I mean, no, no I wasn't!"

Shadow frowned. "Why?"

"I... er... Well, Kurama said something..."

"Argh! Stupid fox."

"You, uh... You're actually a couple now? I mean, you're over the whole denial thing?"

"There never was denial, on my part, Yusuke. I was just too immature to deal with serious things like love and long-term relationships. All the kissing and touching and hugging between me and Hiei previous to last week was more or less just goofing around. It wasn't from love, it was for fun."

"For fun... Y'know, that makes you sound like a prostitute."

"Yusuke!"

"What? You kiss for fun? It makes me wonder what else you did for fun!"

"Oh, you mean like sex? Yes, Yusuke, Hiei and I had sex every night for the pure hell of it, but it was just for pleasure and sexual satisfaction, not because we gave a shit about each others' emotions," Shadow said sarcastically. Then she rolled her eyes. "Honestly! Men are so stupid!"

"And yet you love them."

"I love _one_. The rest of them are just around for my amusement. I particularly enjoy watching them as they hang by their wrists in a dungeon and have pain wards attached to their skin and can do nothing about it but scream until their throats are raw and they can't breathe any longer."

Yusuke stared. "And... um... Who have you ever done this to?"

"A various number of people. Yes. Not Hiei, though. Never Hiei. Hiei's my precious." She grinned evilly. "I should start acting all creepy like the split-personality guy on the Lord of the Rings movies... Cling to Hiei and call him 'my precious' in a hissy creepy voice... Start referring to myself as 'we' and call Kurama 'Master.'"

"Why Kurama?"

"Because I'm not about to call _you_ Master."

Yusuke sighed. "Darn."

Shadow snorted. She looked at the door, then sighed and went back into the living room. There, she paused, blinked, then burst into (fake) tears, hugging Kuwabara.

"My little Hiei's all grown up!" she bawled. "It's like sending him off to his first day of school!"

Kuwabara was rather startled and had no idea of what to say to this, so he just stood there and let the girl (fake) cry against his chest. Yusuke stared. Finally, her (fake) tears ebbed and she looked up at Kuwabara.

"Eek! Ew, I was just hugging you!" She twitched and walked away.

* * *

The streets were dark, and if Hiei had been a ningen, he was sure he'd be fearing getting mugged or shot every time he passed a dark alleyway. Since he wasn't a ningen, he wasn't fearing it, yet he was still on guard, and as luck had it, a man stepped out of a dark alley shortly after Hiei passed it, and began following the little demon. After establishing that yes, the idiot was following him and not just coincidentally going the same direction, Hiei stopped. 

"What do you want?" he asked, not turning to face the man. There was no spoken answer. The man ran at Hiei, knife out. Hiei easily dodged and punched him. As the man lay on the ground, he repeated his question. Again, no answer. The stubborn fool got up and attempted another attack, again to no success. His scarf, hat, and sunglasses kept Hiei from identifying him by sight, but he took one whiff of the man's scent before laughing.

"So, did you uncover my secrets, Yamashita?" he said, plucking the knife from the still man's hand. "Or did you just decide that killing me would be easier?"

The man got up and backed away from Hiei a bit as the little demon twirled the knife between his fingers.

"I don't know what you're talking about," the masked man said. Hiei chuckled at his 'disguised' voice, holding the knife still and looking at the blade.

"You were gonna _kill me_ with this?"

"Shut up! Give that back!"

"It's a kitchen knife or something! If you're going to kill somebody on the street, at least do it with a street weapon."

"Shut up, Jaganshi!"

"Ah. So you're admitting you're Yamashita."

The man glared, then turned and ran. Hiei chuckled, then flung the knife. It embedded itself in a boarded-up door just as Yamashita ran past it. By the time he'd turned, Hiei was gone.

Walking into the police station with a smirk on his face, Hiei got a few funny looks, but one guy commented.

"What's got you in such a good mood, Hiei?"

"The principal of Mieou High just tried to kill me, I think."

"**What!**"

"You heard me. He didn't have a prayer, so he ran."

"But why are you smiling about it!"

"I just think it's really funny. The guy hates my guts, and he keeps threatening to 'discover my secrets' or some shit, but instead he tries to kill me. I just think that's really amusing."

"Um... Sure..."

Shaking his head, Hiei went over to Kyoukan's door and knocked. The police captain called him in and he went.

"Ah, yes. Jaganshi. You're a bit early."

"I'd be earlier, but I had to deal with a little issue that arose on the way here."

"Oh? Anything I'd like to hear about?"

"Somebody tried to attack me... I think it was Utemaro Yamashita. He knew my name and sounded a helluva lot like him... Not to mention he's plotting my murder anyway..."

"Oh?" Kyoukan seemed only mildly interested. Hiei said nothing. "Well, welcome to the force. You won't be seeing any action the first week of duty, unless we really need you. You'll be staying here and reading the handbook, taking tests on it, et cetera..."

Hiei raised an eyebrow. "So you hired me knowing I knew nothing about being a police officer, and now that I'm on duty, you're gonna make me read the handbook?"

"Yes. Unless we need you as backup or something. Also, I need your measurements for a uniform. I doubt we have any your size."

An insult to his stature. Being used to this, Hiei made no smart remark.

"Go find Shina. She'll take your measurements."

"Shina?"

"Yes. She's in charge of such things. She's probably at your desk anyway. She'll deliver your handbook for you as well."

"Great."

"Yes. Now beat it."

Again, Hiei exerted control over his smart remarks and hatred for authority (especially ningen authority), and he simply turned and left the office. Unsure exactly where 'his desk' was, he just surveyed the room for a minute before a woman beckoned to him. He went to her.

"You're Hiei Jaganshi?" she asked.

"Yes."

"I'm Shina Ketsueki." She whipped out a tape measure from her back pocket. "I'll measure you for a uniform, but you probably won't get it for a couple weeks, so you'll just have to wear casual clothes with this badge." She pulled out a badge and a name tag from her back pocket with a flourish and held them up, then handed them to Hiei. "Now..."

Grabbing a pen, she moved Hiei to stand in an empty space of floor in front of his desk and started taking his measurements. Although quite annoyed and uncomfortable with the lady's proximity, Hiei just stood still, a most displeased look on his face. While taking his measurements, Shina had been filling out a paper with a chart on it. Now she picked this up, patted Hiei on the head, remarking, "How did such a little guy get on the police force?", then walked away. She returned a moment later and pressed a book against Hiei's chest.

"You have a week to read this, you'll take an exam on it next Monday. If you don't pass, you won't be a real full-fledged law enforcement officer. However, you will still work for Kyoukan-san due to your little deal. So, I suggest you pass, because that contract you signed worked for either one."

"I didn't get to _read_ that contract," Hiei snapped.

"Your loss, dear," she said. "By the way, how old are you?"

"Thirty." _Or at least I was... Several decades ago, maybe?_

"Thirty? Really! You look twenty, at the most."

"Why, because I'm short?"

"No, you just look young. In the face. Yes, you're short, but... You just look young. Really, you could be even younger than twenty."

"Okay. Point being?"

Shina didn't seem to be brought down in the least by his curt answers. "You're a teacher?"

"Yeah."

She nodded, looking thoughtful. "Well, that's interesting. Now, I really must be going... Things to do, people to see. Read your handbook, we expect nothing more of you until you pass the exam. Which I'm sure a dashing and intelligent young man such as yourself will be able to do, no problem. I'm willing to bet money that you'll pass with flying colors."

"Well I'm glad you have such confidence in me when you just met me," Hiei said, brushing past her and going to his desk to sit down. Propping his feet up, he effectively ended the conversation by opening the handbook and pretending to read. The second the lady left, he tossed the book on his desk and stared at it. The guy in the desk nearest his spoke up.

"You might as well read it, Hiei-san. You can't make it go into your brain just by staring at it."

"You'd be surprised," Hiei muttered under his breath. Raising his voice, he said, "I know. I'm just thinking."

"Oh yeah? About what?"

Damn ningens and their small talk. "Nothin'."

"You sure?" He grinned. "Sure you aren't thinking of that pretty girl that seemed so concerned about you when you were in prison the other day?"

Hiei snorted. "I keep my personal life and my work life separate, thank you."

The guy smiled. "Sure, okay. So what was that you were saying when you came in here? About the principal of Mieou High?"

"I work at the high school, okay?"

"Yeah, you're the gym teacher. My daughter told me some stuff about you."

"Oh really? I'd be interested to know what, but that's for another time."

"If you work at the school, though, why would he want you dead?"

"Because... I'm better than him... I confuse him, and he suspects I have deep dark secrets... Probably just because I have red eyes and insult him all the time. So he wants me dead... He wants Shadow dead too, probably, but I'm not worried."

"What? You mean that girl? You're not worried that the principal of the high school might try to kill your friend?"

Hiei shook his head. "She can defend herself against a martial artist. Yamashita isn't exactly the most physically fit person in the world, and he doesn't know martial arts. He can go ahead and try to kill her with his little kitchen knife. She'll be fine. But I doubt he will. Not while she's in the house."

"But he might."

"Well then you can arrest him and I'll be happy." Hiei picked up the handbook he was supposed to be reading. "Anything else?"

"My daughter says some interesting things about you."

"Not surprising."

"She said there's a rumor going around that you're in a relationship with Shadow."

"Yeah, I heard that rumor. Though it was a little more specific than that..."

"And?"

"It's crap."

"She says you pick kids and make an example of them in class."

"Nope."

"Why would she tell me this stuff unless it's true?"

"I don't know," Hiei said, propping his feet up on the desk against and starting to read the handbook. "I'm used to being disliked." Conversation closed. Go away, Mr. Guy At The Next Desk. The officer got the message and went back to work.

And so, this is how the week went. There were no further murder attempts, Eclipse got to go to school on Thursday, Yamashita threw sour looks at Hiei, Kurama, and the two girls whenever possible (yes, Kurama too). That was just during the day. At night, Hiei sat at his desk reading his little police manual and running errands for Kyoukan. Shadow slept (all by herself. Doesn't that make you sad?), Kurama slept, Eclipse slept, and Yamashita most definitely did not toss and turn for having given Kurama detention on Monday; he did, however, stay up late sometimes plotting things, researching people, law, and weapons, and basking in his own twisted sense of righteousness... Aren't you glad you don't have an asshole principal like him?

Saturday, Hiei came home at six in the morning and found Shadow awake and waiting for him. He looked at her curiously, not saying anything. She hugged him.

"You haven't slept all week," she whispered in his ear.

"I know," he answered. "That's the extent of my plans for the weekend."

Shadow smiled, stepping back and letting go of him. "Good. I was all set to drag you upstairs and drug you, but if you're going to make it easy..."

Hiei merely raised an eyebrow. Shadow shrugged. "What? Demon or not, sleep deprivation is bad for you."

"Were you up all night, or did you get up early to be up when I got home?" Hiei asked, ignoring her.

"I stayed up."

"I see."

There was a short pause. "Hungry?"

"Anything but ramen," Hiei said.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the ranch... Actually it'd make more sense to call Shadow's house the ranch, since that's where the... um... well, anyway... And it wouldn't really be _back_ at the ranch, either, considering as how this hasn't been a setting in this chapter yet, but... well, yes, so meanwhile, in Reikai... Koenma was stamping papers. 

Do you wonder if Koenma sleeps? Well, he does, but then who takes over for him at night? It's a great mystery of the otherworld... Sorry, that just came to me.

Stamp, stamp, stamp... There hadn't been missions for ages. Koenma was starting to get extremely bored. Was it wrong, he wondered, to wish for some demon invasion or tournament or for something to threaten one of his tantei's lives, just to spice things up a bit? Yes, there was the occasional raving lunatic serial murderer to sentence to eternal damnation, and that was kind of fun sometimes, but that was short-lived fun, and after that, it was back to routine. Stamp, stamp, stamp.

"But stamping is very important!" he recalled George telling him. Yes. Stamping is _very_ important. He didn't even know what all these papers were. He could have been stamping lunch orders for all he knew. Perhaps if he had some sort of distraction, something to keep his mind off the monotony, he reasoned, then perhaps he wouldn't be so bored. Somebody to talk to! A pet rock! Something!

However, he just had to keep stamping. If he had a distraction, he might not do it right. 'Well you know what?' he said to himself. 'I'm tired of stamping!'

Switching on the giant screen in his office, he decided to check in on all his tantei and their friends, and all known demon activity and approved demon residents of living world. First things first, he changed to watch Yusuke. It was easy to see that, unless the boy decided to start talking in his sleep, Yusuke would prove unentertaining. Switch to Kuwabara. Also asleep. Shizuru? Reading and smoking. Keiko... making breakfast.

"Boring!" Koenma whined. Perhaps Kurama would be mixing some deadly Makai plants again like he'd grown fond of doing. Switching the screen to Kurama's bedroom (if only they knew how Koenma passed time when he was bored...), he saw it was... empty. "Empty?"

The garden outside was also empty. Nobody occupied any of the upstairs rooms. Switching downstairs, he found Kurama sitting at the table sipping tea, looking to be in deep thought. Typical, and once again, boring. Stupid fox. For once he wished Youko would rear his head and go on some kind of lust-driven rampage that ended with him getting somebody (perhaps Shadow?) laid and having to be banished to the Makai. Then, driven by fury, Hiei would follow him there and they'd have a huge fight to the death! At least it would put change in the redundant lifestyle Koenma had been forced to adopt since their last major mission. What was he thinking, anyway? Hiei and Shadow weren't mates, so Hiei would have no reason to attack the thief if he went and screwed the girl. That didn't mean he wouldn't, but the fire demon was more rational... And Koenma had his suspicions that, though Hiei'd grown closer to the tantei and especially Shadow, he still held onto his loner nature and wouldn't much care if Youko took the girl.

Sighing, Koenma checked in on Yukina and Genkai at the temple. Meditating and drinking tea. Darn people! Did they _all_ lead utterly boring and uneventful lives? Weren't they driven to the verge of insanity at this rate? What was wrong with them? Couldn't somebody at least be having a spar? Perhaps he could lecture them on how their strength was deteriorating in these long periods of rest lately, and put them on a rigorous training schedule. But no, they just sat at home and drank tea! Couldn't somebody be doing something illegal or at least worthy of his appearance? He realized it was six thirty in the morning on a Saturday, but come on!

Another sigh, and he changed the channel to Eclipse's bedroom. Wow, something different!

The room, although cleaner than the last time he'd seen it, was still a royal mess, and Eclipse was sitting at the foot of her bed, several crinkled issues of a weekly gaming magazine lying open around her as she sat on her pillow, playing some violent video game. Her headphones, though plugged into her stereo, were clearly on very loud, and Koenma could almost make out the words to the song she was listening to. In addition to this, the fighting game she was playing was turned up loud as well (though surely not loud enough to be heard over the headphones blaring music at what was surely an unhealthy level), and Koenma chuckled a bit as he watched her kick some ninja ass.

_Now if only she could do stuff like that, she'd be officially on the Reikai Tantei team, not just an assistant,_ he mused. However, as if his thought cursed her, at that precise moment her opponent pulled off some wacky thing with his katana, and down went Eclipse's character, bleeding on the ground. The girl bit her lip, then let out a string of obseneties under her breath. The 'Game Over' screen popped up, and Eclipse glared, then flopped back on her bed. Her headphone cord pulled taut, then popped out of the stereo. The music exploded in the speakers of Koenma's screen. He let out a screech and fell off his chair. A shout and nearly simultaneous quiet, as well as the sudden absence of his remote control, had him standing on his desk in a second.

"Botan!" he squawked.

"Koenma! What are you doing!" the ferrygirl cried, staring at the muted screen as Eclipse scrabbled to silence her blaring music. A split second after she'd turned the volume down to minimum and let out a sigh of relief, her parents and little brother burst into the room. Koenma snatched the remote from Botan and turned the volume back on.

"Eclipse! What is going on here! What is this mess!" the girl's father shouted.

"What is this!" her mother snapped, grabbing an empty Dorito bag and a flattened Mello Yello can off the floor.

"Eclipse is in trouble!" her brother said in a sing-song voice.

"Keiji!" all three snapped (though Eclipse with a bit more anger).

"You're gonna get grounded again and your boyfriend will have to bring all your homework, and you two can sit up here and make out like you did on Tuesday!"

"You little bastard!" Eclipse snapped, lunging off her bed and dodging her father's attempt to catch her as she passed him. Her mother had one hand over her mouth, appalled at her daughter's use of language. The girl paid no attention, darting down the hall and reaching Keiji's door before he could close it. She forced her way in and Keiji ran to his bed, jumping up on it and acting like he was going to hit her, then dropping and curling up in a little ball for his elder sister to hit as she pleased. And that's what she did.

"I never knew Eclipse had a younger brother," Koenma mused.

"How can she be so cruel!" Botan wailed. "He's just a little kid! She's half demon! That's not fair!"

"Life isn't fair, Botan," the demigod reminded her. "Just look at me, stuck up here stamping papers all the time."

"Weren't you supposed to have all those papers stamped by eight? Looks like you've got a lot of work to do, Koenma sir."

Koenma pouted and the blue-haired girl snatched his remote, switching the channel over her shoulder without paying attention to what. She continued lecturing, but he stared, slack-jawed, over her shoulder. After a second, she noticed and turned. Her jaw fell also.

"I was gonna check in on them next..." he muttered, staring at Hiei and Shadow on the screen.

"Since when did they become so close...?" Botan asked. "Last time I saw them together, they flatly denied any relationship."

"I know... This clearly needs my immediate attention," Koenma said, transforming into his teenage form.

"Koenma sir! You can't go down there now!"

"Why not?"

"And interrupt them? It looks like Hiei's finally embracing emotion! And don't you agree he needs a loving companion? I think he and Shadow are a wonderful pair!"

"Shadow is hardly loving, last time I checked," Koenma snapped. "He's probably just using her for pleasure, and then he'll deny it all."

"Koenma! Hiei's not like that! Besides, they aren't doing anything objectionable!"

"Kissing!"

"Is kissing objectionable?"

"Yes!"

"Why is kissing objectionable!"

"It's _Hiei!_"

"_SO?_"

"Hiei doesn't _kiss_, it's against his nature!"

"What do you know? Hiei's a very sensitive person inside! He just doesn't show it because he's afraid!"

"Hiei? Sensitive? Afraid? Ha!"

"Koenma!"

"I'm going! Good-bye!"

"Ko-_enma!_"

Poof.

_Now_ we can say 'meanwhile, back at the ranch.' But it's more like the bedroom. Anyway...

The doorbell rang. Hiei, lying on top of Shadow, stopped their kiss upon hearing the sound.

"If it's important, they'll come back," Shadow said, pulling Hiei back down until their lips met. The bell rang again, then a third time, but no more after that. Hiei smirked and deepened their kiss.

"Hey!"

Both fire demons nearly bit off their own tongues (or rather, each other's...) as Koenma, without a bit of warning, appeared in the room. Hiei sat upright instantly, straddling Shadow, and sent a death glare at the teen.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he snarled furiously. Koenma was not ruffled by his disposition (actually, he was mortally terrified of it, but hid it. Does that classify?).

"I need to have a discussion with you, Hiei. It's very important, and cannot wait. Come with me."

"Haven't you ever heard of invasion of privacy?" Shadow snapped. "You just pop in here like that, we could've been having sex!"

Hiei put his hand over Shadow's mouth. Koenma paled a bit at her words. Good think he'd changed the channel when he had, he thought, and not a little bit later, or he might have invaded on that act.

"She has a point, though," Hiei said.

"I rang the doorbell first. It's not my fault you people don't know how to drag yourselves apart and answer your door," Koenma said, attempting to sound angry instead of shaky.

"What do you want?" the fire demon continued.

"I need to talk to you. Preferably in private."

"It's private here. Talk."

"Without Shadow. Reikai?"

Hiei groaned, annoyed. "What the hell is so important and secretive that you can't talk about it in front of her? She's not going to go off and tell anyone."

"Hiei," Koenma said firmly. Debate closed. Annoyed, Hiei squeezed Shadow's hand a bit and got up.

"Stupid Koenma," he muttered, grabbing his boots and putting them on, then snatching up a single white belt (wow! only one this time!) and threading it through the loops on his pants. Koenma couldn't help but wonder why so much of Hiei's attire was in Shadow's bedroom, but he kept the thought to himself.

"Why Reikai?" Hiei asked, clothed and cloaked in about a minute and a half.

"It's private," Koenma said. "Besides, Shadow probably has this entire house bugged and set up with security cameras."

And just like that, poof! They were in Koenma's office in Reikai. Botan was still standing there. The screen still displayed Shadow's bedroom.

"That was one hell of a thing to do, Koenma," Botan reprimanded. Hiei looked up at the screen.

"Hey! What the hell? Were you _spying_ on us?" he snapped. Botan pointed at Koenma. Hiei rounded on him. "What exactly is this little _discussion_ you want to have with me?"

"It's about you and Shadow. Your relationship."

"I think it's wonderful, Hiei," Botan assured him, touching his arm. "Don't pay attention to Koenma, he's just jealous." She glared at Koenma, then strode out of the office.

"What _about_ our relationship? I've been getting harassed about it all week for about sixteen hours a day. Am I gonna get crap from you, too?"

"How far have you gone?"

"We haven't done anything lately that we haven't done before. We've both had our pants on the entire time. Happy? Oh, wait, okay, so she's been in the pool in one of her skimpy bikinis, but that didn't go anywhere. That wasn't recently. Anything else?"

"I'm not sure about the rules for halfbreeds and purebloods mating, but I believe if you have a child, I'll have to insist both you, Shadow, and your child return to Makai. It's already a high risk with you having permanent residence in Ningenkai. Not to mention Karasu wandering around..."

"He's currently in prison, and it's entirely your fault he's in Ningenkai. You brought him back."

Koenma frowned. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Well he didn't come back to life on his _own_, Koenma."

The toddler turned slightly red in the cheeks. "Anyway, that's not why you're here! I want to know about your relationship with Shadow. Do you have any plans for children?"

"No!"

"Do you have any plans to commit the act that puts babies in the bellies of women?"

"You mean sex? No, we have no plans for sex."

"But it's your choice, as the male, when you will, isn't it?"

"No."

"No! You mean it's Shadow's choice?"

"No."

"Then whose is it? Kurama's?"

"Gods, no!"

"Well?"

"We'll know when the time is right. She's only sixteen. She's still a baby by most demon standards."

Koenma sighed. "Well, when you decide you're going to get her laid, tell me. I'll need to find out if there's anything mentioned about halfbreed/pureblood reproduction."

"What? Tell you? Are you nuts! You think I'm just gonna call you up and say, 'Hey, Koenma, me and Shadow are going to go have sex now, alright?' If that's what you think, you're delusional! My sex life isn't your business, toddler!"

"Hey! I'm older than you!"

"Like that matters. Can I go home now? I haven't slept for a week."

"Why not?"

"You spy on me at all the wrong times... If you'd been paying attention anytime in the past two weeks, you'd know that I'm working night shift at the police station in addition to teaching at Kurama's high school."

"What? You're working at the police station!"

"Yes."

"You can't do that!"

"I can't _not_. I signed a contract."

"_Why?_"

And so, with a sigh, Hiei explained the events leading up to his stay in prison. Shadow, meanwhile, paced her bedroom, then flopped down in bed and lay there in her skimpy pajamas (yeah, she wears the shorty shorts and spaghetti strap belly shirt even in winter) waiting for Hiei. Kurama continued sitting at his kitchen table, drinking tea. Eclipse was sentenced to running on the treadmill under her mother's supervision until she'd burned about five pounds that she didn't need to lose. Keiji often came through the room and laughed at her, causing her to speed up. After several hours, she was so mad at Keiji that she sped the treadmill all the way up and ran it until the motor exploded. The world kept turning. She was sentenced to cleaning the house.

And finally, 10 billion years later after a nuclear World War destroyed humanity and a second ice age destroyed all other life excepting cockroaches and similar things, like Goku, Koenma, pissed off yet satisfied with Hiei's story, sent him home. He plopped down on Shadow's bed next to her sleeping form and smiled a bit. Reaching over, he tickled her stomach. She woke up instantly and let out a squeal.

"Hiei!" she yelped. He grinned wider.

"Ticklish?"

"No!"

A smirk. "I think you are."

Shadow shook her head vigorously. "Nope!"

Hiei quickly proved her a liar by tickling her mercilessly, reducing her to a squirming, twitching girl lying on her bed squealing with laughter.

"Stop it!" she laughed, tears streaming down her face. Being the thousandth time she'd pleaded for this, she didn't expect him to obey, and she wasn't sure she really wanted him to (though asphyxiation at this point was a realistic possibility). However, he did. He stopped and sat back, the look on his face somewhere betwen a smirk and a genuine smile. Shadow managed to relax and lay there panting for breath, her face permanently molded into a smile.

"Aishite'ru," he said. Shadow nodded, trying to gain enough breath to speak.

"Aishite'ru," she replied finally. "C'mon... I'm tired."

"Sleep. Right," Hiei said. He picked her up and lay her on the bed with her head on the pillows next to him. Though you may not believe it, going to bed at nearly 7:30 in the morning had no effect on either of them. They slept like babies through Saturday and most of Sunday.

The end...

Not. Hahaha... Don't you wish it was?

* * *

**Well don't you? Aren't you tired of me and my fifteen page chapters? I think one chapter is thirty pages... I don't remember which one... Dread me and my written wrath. DREAD! MUWAHAHAHAHA!  
**Dread my illustrated wrath too, but I don't inflict that on people much...  
**-Shadow J.-**


	12. Fiestas!

**(3-24-05)** Next chapter... How exciting! Thank you again to reviewers, I have 282 right now and it continues to go up... I getabout 25 on each chapter... Right? From 256 to 282 is something like that, isn't it? I can't subtract. I solve quadratic equations, but I can't subtract.

Oh, Arisa gets increasingly more **BLAH** as time goes on and I kinda have towrite some kinda bad stuff to keep her in character, so don't hate me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make such a nasty character... It kinda just happened.

This chapter was almost titled "Chapter of Porn, Tight Leather, and Karasu" but I figured that would put bad thoughts in peoples' heads... And I was hyper beyond belief while trying to think of what to call it, so... Yeah, I had to think of something to call it... Had a hard time... Titles are getting harder and harder to think of lately... But yeah, there is tight leather and Karasu in this chapter... Just read it... I wrote it in January...

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER TWELVE  
**Fiestas!

The authoress (that'd be me, kids!) is all too aware that Christmas is a Christian holiday, and thus would not typically be celebrated in Japan, but not caring, Shadow threw a Christmas party anyway. Was she ever one to follow Japanese traditions or any particular religion or, as a matter of fact, any given set of rules? No. Now, this party wasn't half as elaborate as the one she'd thrown the previous year (the one that had landed them all in prison... you remember that, don't you, faithful reader?), and that was mostly due to the fact that Hiei had to work that night. No sake for Hiei.

While we're on the topic, Hiei had passed his police exams with flying colors, but that didn't mean jack squat in his mind. So he knew the rules and the consequences. It didn't matter. Kyoukan was dragging him around on a very short leash, so it was almost gauranteed that he would be pardoned from anything but the most serious of offenses. He'd gone out on several of their missions, saved the day, and most of the officers liked him well enough. They liked Shadow, too, and when she came to visit, they all got along great and had great big fiestas! Minus the fiestas. And Shadow seemed to be visiting Hiei at work more and more often as the weeks went on.

As the authoress writes this, she just has this image of lil' Hiei in her mind with his gun in his lil' police officer uniform... She's overpoweringly tempted to draw said image... Just like that chibi Karasu... It's adorable, really. As I was saying...

The Christmas party was hard-pressed to be called a party. It was just a typical gathering like the group had almost every weekend, only this time the house was decked out in colorful shiny things and a tree, and there were cookies. Lots of cookies. And presents.

Yusuke was still trying to get all his friends involved in 'the finer things in life,' which, for him, were porn, manga, and fighting. Being as all his friends were already kick-ass fighters, he again tried to get Kurama to look at porn (in the end, this struggle wound up with Yusuke pinning the boy to the floor and forcing him to look at one of these nasty magazines, which Kurama complained about and eventually had a couple of Shadow's house plants attack him and didn't release the pervert until Hiei had burned the porn he'd been looking at). After this endeavor ended in failure, Yusuke had jabbed his nose into Hiei's relationship with Shadow, asking about all the things they'd done. Receiving a severe beating for this, he ended up staggering upstairs to watch Eclipse play the fighting game he'd gotten her.

Everybody else was a bit more considerate in their gift giving. That is, up until a certain silver fox showed his face. A smirk playing on his lips, he produced a set of handcuffs from a pocket in his pants and handed them to Shadow.

"I figured that since Hiei has a pair, with his job at the prison and all, it'd only be fair if you also had some. You know. I'm sure you can find a use for them, being the creative individual you are, Shadow."

Shadow turned bright red and chased him halfway down the street. Yusuke, of course, having just-so-coincidentally come downstairs at that precise moment, heard this and was instantly at Hiei's side, nagging at him.

"Handcuffs, eh? Is that like, standard for demons? To handcuff their mate? Or are you two just trying out kinky things?"

Hiei delivered a spin kick to Yusuke's chest and sent him flying out the door into the snow. Abandoned with Kuwabara, the fire demon went in search of his girlfriend and Youko. It took a very short amount of time to find them, as they were already returning. Or, to be more precise, Youko was returning with Shadow over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Hey, I think you lost this," he said, adjusting her to hold out in his arms for Hiei to take. She glared at the fox, then noticed Hiei and smiled widely.

"Hi Hiei! He kidnapped me. Are you here to save me?"

Hiei smiled a bit and took her from the fox. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Aishite'ru, Hiei!"

Youko snorted and mocked her in a snobby voice. "Ai-shi-te-_ru_, Hi-_e-i_... You two are detestable. Especially you, Hiei."

"Silence, O High Lord Jealous Fox!" Shadow ordered, pointing at him threateningly. She jumped out of Hiei's arms and grabbed Youko's shirt. "I can't believe you're so OOC! How dare you be OOC! You're jealous! Just because Hiei loves me and not you!"

"_WHAT?_" Hiei and Youko both cried.

"Hiei's a child," Youko said. "You can keep him."

"Youko's a... well, he's Youko," Hiei said. "I think that says it all."

"What's that supposed to mean!" the fox asked, sounding insulted. "I'm a very respectable person!"

"Slut," Shadow coughed. Youko clubbed her in the side of the head.

"I am _not_ a slut. I'm a highly attractive being. Some hold me in the respect of a God."

"Yeah, and they're delusional."

"I'm not talking to you anymore," Youko huffed. "You're rude. Your lover has rubbed off on you."

"Who, Hiei?"

"Do you have any _other_ lover? If so, do tell!"

"Yeah, Kuwabara," she said sarcastically. "Back to what I was saying, are you implying that Hiei is rude? Hiei is not rude! He's a sweetie. He's just the cutest little thing. Hardly rude."

"_Kuwabara?_" Youko choked.

"Jeez, you're still back there? You're a little slow! I'm way past that!"

"Yes, but, _Kuwabara?_ If you were going to make a sarcastic remark about that, you could at least say somebody believable, like _me_."

"But you'd know if we were lovers. And Yusuke has a girlfriend. That left me with Eclipse and Kuwabara. I'm not a lesbian, and that left me with Kuwabara. Unless you would rather I'd have said Karasu?"

Hiei slapped his hand over her mouth as Youko gagged, and he dragged her away.

The remainder of the night was spent rejoicing the Christmas Spirit... That is, everywhere but Shadow's house. In her house, the remainder of the night was spent eating cookies, singing carols (with modified lyrics... ahem...), harassing a certain pair of pyromaniacs, beating the crap out of each other, and then, at precisely 9:56 PM, Shadow decked herself out in her motorcycle leather and avoided Youko, for she knew if he saw her, she wouldn't get out the door by precisely 9:57, and Hiei would be late for work. And when you have an asshole like Mouken Kyoukan for a boss, late is not an option. So, using her brilliant ninja skills, she nimbly left through the fourth floor window. Why the fourth floor, when she dressed on the second? Why go upstairs just to jump out a window? The answer is simple: She's Shadow.

And so, at exactly 9:57 PM, the motorcycle started up, Hiei hanging onto Shadow, and zoom they went, off to the police station, arriving at EXACTLY 9:59, being in the door and at his desk by the time Kyoukan peered out of his office window at exactly 10:00.

By 11:00, Shadow was sleeping in a chair she'd pulled up next to Hiei's, her head resting on her arms on his desk. Shortly after, Kyoukan came out of his office and crossed the station to Hiei. While everybody else obeyed, even feared, the man, Hiei merely tolerated him. He'd gotten caught up in this whole screwed up net of events in Ningenkai, and it irritated him. It wasn't as simple as just leaving now. He had Shadow, two jobs, people in this world knew him and knew his fake identity. Lies are almost always uncovered, and he knew it. Eventually, he figured he would be _forced_ to return to Makai, to just vanish off this Earth, if only to flee the suspicions of dozens, if not hundreds, of overly-curious ningen fools.

"I want her gone," Kyoukan said, pointing at Shadow. "You bring your personal life with you to work and it's unacceptable. I want your full attention on your job, _not_ your girlfriend."

"I pay her no mind. And I do not bring her here, she comes of her own will."

"Whatever the reason, she's _here_, and I do not want her here. She's not an officer, she's distracting not only you, but several others, and I will not stand for it any more. Send her home."

Hiei narrowed his eyes. "You know, _you_ are more distracting than she is. It's much better she be here than not. I enjoy her company."

"I don't care. You have a case tonight anyway."

"What is it?"

"I'll tell you in my office, after this girl is gone." He spun and left. Sighing, Hiei gently tapped Shadow's arm. She blinked awake.

"Uhn?"

"You need to go home, Shadow."

The sleep cleared from her eyes. "Why? Is Kyoukan being an ass again?"

"Yeah. Go on. I've got a case to work anyway."

"Alright..." she sighed. Kissing his cheek, the girl got up and left. Hiei went to Kyoukan's office.

"She's gone. Happy?"

"No, but it'll do. Now, about your case... At midnight, a club downtown will be having a rave. I assume you know what that is?"

"Yes."

"Good. You'll be attending."

Hiei's eyebrow raised a fraction. "Indeed."

"Yes. A relatively reliable informant has reported that he heard plans for an exchange at this rave. He knows who is involved, however, we're not entirely sure what will be exchanged. My suspicion is drugs." At this, Hiei had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. He'd been put through several dozen drug tests during his physical before being added to the force. Kyoukan seemed to suspect everything and everyone of drug affiliation.

"O-kay... And?"

"I am not sending you alone"

"Of course."

"and you'll need to wear this." He grabbed a brown paper wrapped parcel off his desk and tossed it to Hiei. "No complaints. It's what they wear, and you need to blend in."

"Who's going with me?"

"Her name is Hisa Morishima. She's experienced in these matters. I'm sure the two of you will get along great." The last part was a threat, meaning that he was fairly sure they _wouldn't_ get along great, but Hiei had better do his damnedest to try, or else he was in for trouble when he returned with a failed case.

"I'm sure we will," Hiei replied, agreeing that fine, whatever, he'd try to get along with the bitch. "So how do I know who I'm looking for?"

"Your contact at the rave will tell you."

Hiei looked at him, plainly asking him to elaborate.

"Remember Karasu?" Kyoukan asked. At this, Hiei allowed his annoyed, indifferent facade to falter.

"Yes, I know Karasu. Don't tell me he's my contact?"

"He's your contact, and you will not dispute with him. Understand?"

"Fine."

"You know the consequences for acting out on an undercover case, don't you?"

"I'm not going to do any drugs, get anyone laid, kill anyone unless it's necessary, blow my cover, get terribly drunk, et cetera, et cetera and so on. Happy?"

"Fine. Hisa should be ready. Go change. You're to be there at midnight."

"Okay..."

"Oh, and you'll need this. Fake I.D." He tossed the wallet to Hiei just before the fire demon left the office.

"Way to wait 'til the last second to tell me," he muttered, pocketing it and leaving. He went to the locker rooms and opened the paper-wrapped parcel. His eyes narrowed in annoyance as they saw what he'd be forced to wear. Around _Karasu_, no less. In _public_, at a party where people danced and smoked and drank and fucked.

"Skanky," he muttered, one of Shadow's favorite words to describe her own outfits. He changed into the leather, frowning as it fit him perfectly, showing off his every contour, every muscle in his body. The boots gave him an inch or two height boost, which he frowned at. Impractical. He could cope, however. He was good at adjusting to change. It seemed to him that was all he'd been doing lately. Meet Shadow and your whole life is thrown completely out of your control.

Still looking quite sour, Hiei strode out of the locker room and went back to his desk, where he was a bit surprised and disgusted to find a woman he assumed was his partner on this case. I say disgusted because, if Shadow's outfits were skanky, this lady might as well have been naked and wearing knee-high boots with a four-inch heel. She was pretty much a living Barbie figure, only in skimpy skanky leather (like a bra and a few-inches-wide strip of fabric that I suppose you could call a skirt, for lack of better word), with unnaturally pink hair.

"Oh, dear, don't you look just good enough to eat, little Kagerou..." she purred, walking around him, her fingertips trailing across his body. Then she stepped back to observe his irritated disposition. "Stop glaring, Kagerou. We're going to enjoy ourselves."

"Speak for yourself," Hiei snarled.

"I've got a few additions to make to your cover. Just wait one minute." She reached in her purse and withdrew a handful of makeup. Hiei knew very little of makeup, but he did know it was not something he wanted put on him. As the woman picked up a small cylindrical thing, his glare intensified, until he had to control himself to avoid the happening of several objects in the room to spontaneously combust.

"Hold still," Morishima said, removing the lid.

"No. You're not putting that crap on me."

"It's eyeliner! It's not going to hurt you!"

"I don't care what it is, you're not putting it on me."

"Kyoukan-sama told me to, Kagerou."

Oh, how he loathed humans. "I have a name. Stop calling me that."

"I'll get this on you somehow, Hiei-chan. It'd be far easier for you to sit still."

Loathe! Abhor! Detest! "Isn't it enough you force me to put on skanky leather?"

"It's not skanky, it's sexy," Morishima purred. "Now either I put this makeup on you or Kyoukan-sama does. Take your pick."

Hiei again had to control himself to keep from burning down half the building. At that precise moment, the door opened and in came none other than Kurama. One look at Hiei and he just about ran across the station.

"What are you doing, Hiei?"

"Hiei-chan is preparing for a case," Morishima admonished, "and is not to be disturbed."

"I have to go to a _rave_," Hiei spat.

"What! You're going?"

"Yes. Orders."

"Well, so am I. Shadow is as well, and Eclipse. We'll talk later. I just wanted to let you know. I've got to get ready now, ja mata. And let the lady put on the makeup, Hiei. It won't hurt you." He spun and left. Morishima rounded on Hiei with a sinister grin.

"You heard your friend, Kagerou."

And of course, she couldn't just do eyeliner. Hiei ended up in some kind of all-out goth lookin' thing, black fingernails and all, by quarter 'till midnight.

* * *

At home, Shadow was decked out in leather, putting makeup on herself, Kurama, and Eclipse. All three were wearing tight black leather. 

**:ALLOW THE MAGICAL FLASHBACK FAERIES TO GUIDE YOU INTO EVENTS THAT HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED:**

Youko's ears perked in his sleep as a motorcycle engine came down the road outside the house. He was certain it was Shadow, yet a bit startled. He hadn't expected her back for hours. Then again... Now he was all alone in the house with her. Possibilities were opening...

His reikai communicator beeped in his pocket, making him jump. Possibilities just took a nose dive. He dug out the compact and popped it open before it could beep again. Koenma's toddler face appeared on the screen. Simultaneously, Youko's face appeared on Koenma's big screen in Reikai.

"What do you want?" the fox asked lazily.

"What are you doing!" Koenma screeched.

"Well, I _was_ sleeping..."

"I can't believe you're so irresponsible as to just lounge around Shadow's house in that form, Kurama!"

"Shut up. What do you want?"

"I need to speak to Shuuichi and Hiei."

"Hiei's not here, Junior. Call the police station."

Shadow came down the stairs just then in baggy clothes. "What about the police station? Oh! You're talking to Koenma!" She darted over and snatched the communicator. "Hi, Junior!"

"Put Kurama back on! I don't need to speak with you!"

"Too bad! How's the weather in Reikai, Koenma?"

"Shadow! I'm going to have you thrown in jail! This is an important mission that will require Kurama's delicate touch and intelligence."

"I'm delicate and intelligent. What is it? Come on, I'm bored beyond sanity's reason here, Koenma!"

"Shadow, I don't need you to screw this case up!"

"I can handle it, pansy girl! What is it?"

"KURAMA!"

Now back in his redhead form, the boy snatched the communicator back from Shadow. "Yes?"

"There will be a rave at midnight on the far side of town. You will be attending. I will send somebody down with your outfit after I explain this to you. Since Hiei is inaccessable at this time, you'll be doing this alone. It's vital not to mess it up."

"A rave?"

"Yes. I would think a genius like you would know what a rave is. It's"

"I know what it is, but why are you sending me? I'm hardly the type to fit in at one of those places."

"I know. But you will. We've received inside information that there will be an exchange between a demon and a human at this rave. It's a Makai herb that can be used in a wide variety of poisons as well as medicines. However, the former use is more common, and it can kill quickly. Ningen technology cannot trace it, so in essence, it is a perfect ningen murder weapon. I want you to find the demon possessing this herb, take it from him, and take him into custody. It would be best to capture both parties, the demon and the human, so you should, if possible, catch them in the act. I want the herb returned to me. Understand?"

"Yes. Do I have anything more to go on?"

"You can pick out demons, can't you? Just use your nose. It's at midnight, be prompt, and don't get into too much trouble. Give the bouncer your names. You should be on the list."

The screen went blank. A moment later, an ogre appeared in the middle of the living room, causing both Shadow and Kurama to jump.

"Here you go, sir," the oni said, bowing as it held out the outfit to Kurama. "From Koenma. You must wear it for your mission."

"Thank you," Kurama said, taking the leather and bowing slightly in return. The oni disappeared as fast as it had come.

"I'm going with you," Shadow said. "We've gotta wear skanky leather, have we? I'll be back in a few minutes."

A few minutes turned into twenty (in which time Kurama went to the police station, returned, and dressed), and when she came back, Eclipse was with her, both were in skintight black leather. Shadow looked Kurama over.

"You look good in skanky leather, Kurama."

"So do you. Both of you," he admitted. Shadow grinned devilishly.

"I'm taken. Go for Eclipse."

"Are we supposed to look goth or something? Or just slutty?" Eclipse asked, looking at herself. She'd either not heard or ignored Shadow's statement.

"I think we could use some makeup," Shadow muttered thoughtfully, looking at Kurama, then at herself in a mirror.

**:THE MAGICAL FLASHBACK FAERIES RETURN YOU TO THE TIME OF NOW:**

Hiei sighed and shifted uncomfortably in the passenger's seat of Hisa Morishima's sport car. She looked at him, smiling a bit.

"You seem uncomfortable, Kagerou. Nervous?"

"I'm not nervous, and would you stop calling me that!"

She shrugged. "It's fitting, though."

"It's not my name."

"Well I can't call you by your real name at the rave, koishii. I'll call you Kagerou. Deal with it. And remember, once we get there, my name is Yariman."

Hiei said nothing. He was too busy restraining himself from killing the lady. However, they shortly arrived at their destination.

Nothing on the outside of the building would suggest what they found inside. It just looked like a plain old brick building on the worse side of town. However, they went around the back and came to a decrepit-looking door with a slit in it. Two brown eyes peered out suspiciously, then brightened at the sight. The door opened.

"Yariman! And you brought a friend!"

"Thanks for letting us in, koishii," the woman said, kissing his lips. Hiei, hiding his revulsion, followed her inside.

The room wasn't brightly lit, but it was huge and full of activity and noise. Hiei's senses were nearly overwhelmed. People were dancing, drinking, smoking, and certain questionable noises from darker corners gave him some ideas of what else they might be doing. The lights flashed, dimmed, swirled; smoke hung in the air, the DJ was blasting headbangers music. Hundreds of scents, hundreds of ningens, music blaring... He felt hands on his shoulders and jumped as Morishima bent down and whispered in his ear.

"I don't know our contact, koi, so you'll have to find him and speak to him. I've got a few friends to talk to." She kissed his ear and vanished into the mob of people on the dance floor. Disgusted, Hiei wiped his ear and glanced around, then made his way to the bar. Karasu would find him. In the meantime, he ordered a drink and sat there staring at it until somebody slid onto the bar stood beside him.

"Hello, Hiei," Karasu purred. Hiei picked up his drink and downed the entire thing. The crow raised an eyebrow.

"So who is it, Karasu?" Hiei asked.

"They aren't here yet," the crow said. "You're all on your own?"

"No. My _partner_ went off to dance skanky with some other whores."

"Really?" Karasu peered towards the dance floor. "Where?"

"You're disgusting."

"This is wonderful, Hiei. Are you sure you aren't entirely asexual? Don't tell me you have no sexual reactions from seeing attractive people in leather doing sexually implying dances."

"I'm not asexual, and I have no reaction because, one: I'm not watching them, and two: I hate them all."

Karasu shrugged and ordered a drink and a second one for Hiei.

"I don't see how you can hate people you don't even know." He paused and smirked. "Do you know what would really push it over the edge for me here?" the crow questioned. Hiei didn't look at him.

"I have some idea."

"Oh... Gods..." Karasu murmured, staring at the door. Hiei turned and looked. He bit his lip.

"Damn," he muttered. He'd failed to mention to Kurama that Karasu would be there, and he'd failed to warn Karasu against harassing the boy when he came. So now, when Kurama and the two girls walked in, Karasu looked like he was about to either pass out or attack Kurama and rape him. Hiei got off his bar stool and hurriedly crossed the room to Kurama, dodging people easily.

The redhead had his long hair pulled back, and was wearing standard uniform for this event: tight leather, boots, some chains around his neck, and he even had a bit of eyeliner on (not as much as Hiei, however).

Shadow's eyes lit up when she saw Hiei. However, he went straight to Kurama and said something in his ear. The fox's eyes widened a bit.

"Here?" he asked. Hiei nodded.

"He's my contact."

"Contact!"

"Yes. Kyoukan told me he knows who will be trading whatever's to be traded here tonight. He says they aren't here yet."

Kurama looked a bit uncomfortable. "My life just got a little bit worse..."

"Chin up!" Eclipse said cheerfully, pushing Kurama's chin up and pulling his lips into a smile.

"Get off," he muttered, grabbing her hand.

"What's got you so pissy all of a sudden?" she pouted. Shadow, meanwhile, was staring at Hiei.

"You know," she said, grinning, "you look good in skanky leather, Hiei. You should wear it more often."

"I doubt I ever will again."

"You should!"

"Why?"

"I said so!"

"Not good enough."

"Oh?" She grabbed him and kissed him. Kurama and Eclipse groaned.

"Man, now that they're a couple and we all know it, they're always all over each other," Eclipse muttered.

"I wish I were Hiei right about now," Kurama said. Eclipse hit him.

"Pervert!"

"What? Don't you wish you were Shadow?"

"No!"

"Uh-huh..."

Eclipse glared.

The fire demons broke apart and Shadow grinned. "That a good enough reason?"

"Gods, yes."

"Ewww, man! Come on you two, get a room or something," Eclipse whined.

"They don't need a room," Karasu said, approaching Hiei. "Just pick a dark corner."

"Shut up, Karasu," the fire demon snarled.

"Good evening, Kurama," the crow said, smirking and bowing slightly.

"Hello," the fox said sourly.

"Hiei, I just thought you'd like to know that one of the groups you've got to keep an eye on just came through the door."

Hiei glanced at the door and memorized the faces of the three who'd just come in. They blended in just fine. Tall, long black hair, looking rather gothic. Tight leather, dark eyes, one even wore a large silver cross on a chain around his neck.

"They're the buyers," Karasu said, his eyes not on the men, but on Kurama. "You'll know when the other enters. He's a demon."

"A demon?" Hiei said, a bit surprised.

"Yes," Karasu confirmed distractedly, his gaze directed... down. Kurama narrowed his eyes.

"Hey! My face is up here, asshole!" he snapped, pointing at his face to emphasize.

"Yes, and it's beautiful, just like the rest of you."

Shadow grabbed Hiei's hand and led him to the bar, the place most devoid of activity. Granted, there were drunks shouting and such, but the dancing people gave it an eight foot berth. She sat on the stool next to him and turned to lean her back on the bar, looking out at the dance floor rather than the dozens and dozens of bottles of alcohol on shelves behind the bar. Kurama was shortly sitting on her other side with Eclipse on his other side, leaving Karasu to sit by Hiei.

"There's only four doors to the outside, one of which is backstage," the crow said. "There are bathrooms and about four rooms through that door" He pointed. "for business dealings and sex."

"They have back rooms for sex!" Hiei asked.

"Yes, though most people don't bother using them."

"I hadn't noticed," he replied coldly.

"No need to be such a bitch, Hiei. Really."

"Hiei," Kurama said. The fire demon looked up, gratefully ignoring Karasu. "Where's that woman that was with you at the station?"

"Who cares." He gestured to the dance floor. "Probably getting stoned."

"Oh."

Karasu leaned back, trying to get another look at Kurama's ass. The fox noticed and glared venomously.

"Come on, Kurama... Play along! I'm just looking! It's not hurting you any!" he teased.

"Stop being a dick, Karasu!" Shadow snapped. "Surely you're capable of being more dignified in public!"

"But... everything here is making me horny..."

"That's it. Get lost, Karasu," Hiei snapped. "You've done your job, you're free to go dance and fuck some ningens or whatever the hell you want to do. Just go away."

"God! What is _wrong_ with you, Hiei?"

"You! Now leave!"

Karasu sighed and slid off his bar stool, walking past Kurama on his way to 'away' and brushing his fingers over the boy's leg.

"Don't touch me! I'll break your hand!" Kurama snarled.

A few minutes passed, during which the group sat in annoyed silence. Then Hiei, irritated, ordered another drink. A short time later, Morishima came out of the crowd and sat on the stool next to Hiei.

"Hey, sexy thing," she purred. Like any good girlfriend, Shadow was instantly alert. Hiei glared.

"Karasu told me who to watch."

"You're no fun, Kagerou. Come dance with me."

"No."

"You're so serious about this job. I thought you hated Kyoukan."

"I do. I also hate you and everyone else here, minus three."

"What? Who?"

"Shadow, for one," Hiei snarled, pointing at the girl beside him. She gave Morishima an evil glare. Morishima frowned a bit.

"Why is she here?"

"She was invited."

"Really."

"Yes. Really. Don't give her any shit, she won't take it."

Morishima walked over and stood before Shadow. "You know, I've seen you around. Aren't you still in school?"

"Yes."

"Should you really be here on a school night, little girl?"

"I'm not ten, woman. If I want to be here and go to school tomorrow looking like a druggie whore, I will. Leave me alone."

Kurama glanced up as a foreign demon energy neared. Hiei's head snapped up as well and they both set eyes on the man as he came towards the bar. Morishima and Shadow continued arguing until the demon sat down next to Hiei. Then Shadow nearly choked on her words as she became aware of the presence (a little slow on the uptake, aren't we?). Morishima was the only one ignorant of it.

Short black hair, a scar on his cheek, dark skin, and sunglasses to hide what Hiei assumed were unnatural eyes. He ordered a glass of their 'strongest stuff,' as he put it, and downed it in one swallow. To Hiei's surprise, disgust, and horror, Morishima went and started flirting with him. And he responded to it.

_Not good... not good... Demon... Demon... Not good..._

Hiei growled under his breath. "What are you doing, woman!"

"Quiet, Kagerou. I want to have some fun." She went back to flirting. Hiei grabbed Kurama's arm and pulled him to the side.

"What the hell should I do? If I drag her away, somebody will get suspicious, she'll get irritable and probably try to arrest him here and now. She can't do that."

"I don't know," Kurama said.

However, their dilemma was solved, as the demon looked at his watch, apologized to Morishima, and vanished into the throng of people. Hiei sighed in relief and returned to the bar, also logging that demon's energy signature into his memory. He was now keeping an eye on five people. Wait, no, six, as Morishima vanished onto the dance floor again. Karasu was on the far side of the room, doing God-knows- and who-cares-what. The three humans were spread around, one being at the far end of the bar, the other two dancing. Morishima and the demon were also dancing.

The group sat at the bar until four thirty in the morning before the criminals finally made their move. Hiei, sitting with his chin propped up on the heel of his hand, noticed first.

"K'rama," he said. "They're moving. C'mon."

With Morishima no where accessible, Hiei could do nothing. She had been of no help, she had not spoken to Hiei since the demon had left her at the bar around 12:30, and now she was probably high, drunk, and laying naked in a corner under some guy. Hell, Karasu had been more help than she had, despite harassing Kurama all night.

But now, they were going through the door Karasu had pointed out earlier - the door through which were the four business/sex rooms. Hiei and Kurama followed stealthily, inconspicuously (except the bar tender was pretty suspicious. When four people sit at a bar from midnight until 4:30, then suddenly get up and walk away looking like they're about to kill something, you get suspicious). They went through the door fifteen seconds after it had shut behind the last man. They found one of the humans waiting for them. Hiei knocked him out in one hit, before he could say a word or make a noise. They continued.

Watching from around the corner, they saw them go into a room. They left one man outside. Hiei smirked. Smart. But not good enough. He quickly knocked this man out as well. Then he stood aside and allowed Kurama to pick the lock. Having no gun, Hiei grabbed his police badge and slipped into the room.

It was a surprising view. There were three women, bound and gagged, in the corner. The demon held a small container which a fine greenish powder filled halfway, the human held a gun, aimed at the demon. However, when Hiei entered the small room, the barrel was instantly on his temple. Oops.

"Who are you!"

Subtly pushing the door shut to keep Kurama outside, thus saving himself from further endangerment (if the door opens, the human pulls the trigger), Hiei replied, "Put down the gun. Now. I'm a law enforcement officer." Ick. Cringe. Oh well, he'd said it more than once.

The man's finger tensed. Hiei lunged out of the way just as the bullet flew from the gun. He hit the man on the back of the head and snatched his gun from the air, pointing it at the demon.

"Fox!" he called. Kurama entered. Vines safely and instantly ensnared the demon. He dropped the jar from surprise and perhaps in an attempt to kill his attackers. Hiei caught it. "This stuff is deadly, right?"

"On it's own, you'd be dead in seconds if that much got in your air," Kurama elaborated. "Did your buyers know the risks of this, demon?"

"Let me go!"

"What are these women for?"

"They're my payment! It was a fair trade!"

Kurama let out a low growl and dug his communicator out of his pocket. He opened it and called Koenma.

"I've got the demon. And the herb."

The toddler looked relieved. "Good. I'll send someone instantly."

And he did. The demon was taken away, as was the herb. Hiei called Kyoukan on a pay phone.

"Moshi moshi," the man answered irritably.

"Kyoukan, I've got these losers I was supposed to get. What now?"

"Jaganshi? Bring them in, you dolt!"

"Yeah. In what car? Morishima's off fucking some guy. I can't drive."

An angry snarl. "I'll send somebody. Take them to the back alley." Click.

Kurama jumped as he felt somebody grab his ass. Protective instincts kicked in and he spun, punching Karasu (who else? He'd been trying all night) straight in the face. The pale demon instantly got a bloody nose. Despite this, he smirked.

"Finally got you. Been trying all night."

"Bastard."

"Good work here though," he said. "You're just too much, Kurama."

"Get lost. And never, ever touch me again," the fox snarled.

"Go jack off in a bathroom," Hiei snapped. Karasu sighed.

"I guess I'll have to..."

A bit (just a bit!) of disgust showed on both tantei's faces as the demon sulked away. Once he was gone, Hiei shook his head to get his thoughts processing again.

"Come on, Kurama. Is there a back door?"

"I'll check."

The fox left. Hiei went to the three women in the corner and pulled the gags out of their mouths. He was instantly rained on with thanks and crying and pleading.

"Calm down and shut up," he said. "I'm in no mood for crap like that."

They instantly silenced. Hiei knelt behind them and untied their wrists, letting them get their own ankles since he'd already had enough of them. Kurama came back a few minutes later and found Hiei kneeling next to one of the men he'd knocked out.

"Did you find a back exit?"

"Yeah."

And thusly, the criminals were shipped to prison. Kyoukan was a little more than angry when he found out Hiei hadn't caught the seller _or_ gotten the drugs, but the knowledge that he was right about the drugs and the fact that the 'drug dealer' had apparently beaten Hiei up (he'd made Kurama give him a black eye so he'd have a feasible excuse when Kyoukan asked) relaxed him for the time being. Yes, knowing Hiei got beat up made Kyoukan happy. He wasn't a very good police captain since he rejoiced in one of his officers getting hurt.

And so came the next day of school. First period, in English, Black-sensei was curious as to why three of his top students looked like they hadn't slept at all. Shadow so ingeniously answered, "That's probably because we didn't."

"Well why not?"

"Well, you see..."

"A friend of ours was in the hospital," Kurama said, cutting her off. Shadow caught on instantly and nodded violently.

"Yeah, that's exactly it," she said, continuing to nod. "In the hospital. Very critical condition."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?"

"He's got, um..."

"Laryngitis," Eclipse said. Kurama kicked her.

"That put him in critical condition in a hospital?" Black asked.

"Eclipse isn't good with diseases," the fox lied.

"Except STDs," Shadow added, nodding again. Black raised an eyebrow and Eclipse threw something sharp at Shadow. "Ow! Hey!"

"I don't know anything about STDs!" Eclipse snapped.

"That's not good, you might get one. Knowledge is the best defense."

"True enough," Black said. Eclipse fumed. Shadow grinned evilly.

"Anyway, we were staying with our friend in the hospital last night, so we didn't get a whole lot of sleep," Kurama explained to calm the two girls.

"I see."

Black returned to his desk. The second he was at his desk, a mob of girls swarmed to Kurama.

"Oh, Shuuichi-san, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend!"

"Tell him to get well soon!"

"Shuuichi-san!"

"Shuuichi-san!"

Shadow and Eclipse stared in horror at the writhing mass of girls that hid the poor redhead completely from view. Then Black turned around, and he, too, stared in utter horror and astonishment. He had had Shuuichi in class since August and had yet to seem him get totally mobbed by fangirls. Probably because, with Shadow and Hiei around, there hadn't been a whole lot of mobbing. Shadow was like the total anti- of fan girls. Fan girl repellent. SHADOW IN A CAN! KEEPS FANGIRLS AWAY LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF A MOTH TO A FLAME!

"Ladies! Ladies, please!" he finally managed. But, of course, these girls would only listen to Shuuichi or violent force. With a sinister grin, Shadow cracked her knuckles.

"HEY, YA PATHETIC EXCUSES FOR HUMANS! STOP FAWNING OVER THE SEXY REDHEAD AND SIT IN YOUR SEATS BEFORE MY FIST MEETS YOUR NOSES!"

Silence in the room. Kurama popped out of a small space between two girls, looking a bit less composed than normal. Eclipse and Shadow instantly put themselves between him and the rest of the class's population of females, Shadow cracking her knuckles and grinning evilly. Kurama finally grabbed her hands when she didn't stop.

"Stop it. That's unhealthy," he reprimanded.

At the sight of Shuuichi Minamino's arms around Shadow Jaganshi (the 'slut' who was 'fucking the gym teacher' and several other people, according to rumor), his hands holding hers, no matter how unromantic and obviously casual it was, every girl in the room instantly flooded with jealousy. They glared and were all instantly in their seats. Kurama and Shadow blinked.

"What'd we do?" he asked. Shadow blinked again, then her eyes went first from one side, Kurama's arm, to the other side, Kurama's arm. She blinked again and looked at her hands. Then she looked straight forward, where Black-sensei was still watching, looking surprised, and waiting for them to sit down. Kurama tensed a bit more and Shadow could almost see his eyes widen slightly as he realized 'what they did.' Instantly, he let go of her and all three were in their seats, halos and angel wings and innocent smiles all around. They continued with class.

In social studies, Okibi-sensei was in an exceptionally good mood, and the class instantly deduced that they were getting a big, complicated, difficult project. You see, Okibi liked to confuse people, and since he'd already had two classes before previous to theirs, it could be assumed that he'd confused plenty of people already today and thus was in a splendid mood due to it. As he put his papers in order for class, he hummed merrily.

"Stop singing!" Shadow ordered. Okibi looked at her, smiling.

"Shadow-san, I'm in such a good mood right now, I'm not even going to yell at you for disrespect."

Shadow chuckled sarcastically. "So what's our project, then?"

"I'll tell you once you stop speaking out of turn. Why are you such a troublemaker?"

"I'm not."

"Uh-huh. I've already moved you to the front of the room and you still insist on interrupting me and goofing off."

"Why _did_ you move me up here, anyway? What was the final deciding factor in that? I can't seem to remember."

"You were annoying the rest of the class by sitting behind Shuuichi playing with his hair, and you kept throwing things at the other girls."

"Oh yeah! The hair thing! They were jealous, you could tell."

And at this point, the entire female population of the class (minus Eclipse) was now glaring daggers at Shadow.

"Whatever," Okibi said, brushing her off. He walked to the center of the front of the room. "Okay, class! With the upcoming election, I've decided that I want to get my class more interested in politics! So, you are all going to pair up or work alone, on a poster or video presentation."

Most of the class groaned at this, but Shadow let out a whoop. When Okibi gave her the most foul glare he could muster in his current mood, she coughed a bit and lowered her head to scratch the back of her neck. He continued.

"It must deal with one of these issues in our community: economy, crime, healthcare..."

Shadow zoned out through his list. She'd already heard enough to pick her topic. An evil grin curved her lips. Her shoulders shook a bit with silent laughter, until it built up and she threw her head back, laughing out loud while clouds built up and a thunderstorm raged outside (despite it being the end of December). Okibi cleared his throat. Once, then twice.

"Shadow!" Kurama hissed. Her head snapped up and she looked around innocently, like she hadn't just been laughing like a madman. Or woman. Eclipse burst out laughing at the sudden change in disposition, and Okibi shot a glare at her as well. She stopped instantly and bit her lip to keep from continuing.

The next period, Shadow was still plotting devious things (picture Mr. Burns from the Simpsons, and that's about what she looked like, only... She's Shadow). However, looking up on the board, a brilliantly evil smily came to her face and she darted to her seat and pulled out a piece of paper, writing instantly.

_**"Write a paragraph telling the best and worst advice you ever got, why it is the best/worst, and who gave you that advice. In a second paragraph tell the best and worst advice you've ever given and who you gave it to.**_

_The best and worst advice I ever got can be summed up in two words, originally spoken to me by the one you know as Shuuichi Minamino: Be yourself (However, after realizing what he said, he quickly went on to inform me there are limits on that, like that I should pay attention in school, be quiet and respectful in class, blah, blah, blah. I didn't hear it all because I was being myself and not listening to his intellectual mumbo-jumbo). It's the best advice I ever got because it's just about the only advice I've ever got that wasn't advising me to shut up before I mysteriously found myself falling out the fourth floor window... And the reason for it being the worst has nothing to do with me, really, and everything to do with you, the teacher, and my classmates, who, due to Shuuichi's unwitting approval of my behavior, all have to put up with my excruciatingly annoying self. Aren't you so joyous? _

_Note To Teacher: I bet you feel like punishing Shuuichi now, since he's the one who accidentally told me it's okay for me to be like I am in your class._

_Ah, the second paragraph. The best advice I've ever given was probably to a friend of mine named... You know, I don't know that I've ever given anyone good advice... However, I did give somebody BAD advice, and that would have been to my friend Yusuke, who I informed of the 'shoot first, ask questions later' method, and later that day he sent his friend's cat flying across the street because it startled him. Then there was that time I advised Eclipse to watch out for that big ol' hole in the ground while she looked up at me from inside the big... old... hole in the ground. Oh, and once, I gave advice on a relationship and got myself beat into unconsciousness because it didn't quite work. As a matter of fact, I think the only good advice I may have ever given a person in this particular lifetime was 'watch where you're going' and they promptly ignored that advice and slammed into a fence post... Stupid fool... Not naming names, of course, but apparently that advice, though given with good intentions, turned out to be bad, because they felt the need to advise me to shut up before they beat the hell out of me with a small child's rubber ball, and because of their advice, ended up getting hurt... Tsk. Not like I care, cuz if the stupid fool would have listened to the one time I had something important to say, this person wouldn't have run into a fence post and been caused extreme pain from said injury."_

This is what Shadow wrote for her essay. Needless to say, Sato-sensei was once again displeased. At least this one didn't have anything in it about ramming pencils up fangirls' noses or whatever she'd had in that one she'd gotten detention for. Eclipse laughed hysterically at the essay until she was blue in the face and got sent to the office. Her laughter could be heard all the way down the hall. Kurama sighed.

"What's wrong with her today? It's like she's more hyper from getting no sleep," Shadow mused. The fox nodded.

"Hyperactivity can be a symptom of sleep deprivation. It makes me wonder if perhaps you're so hyper because you haven't slept in several years... But that can't be true because I've seen you sleep and wake up just as hyper as any other time."

"Shuuichi-kun, please, stop talking during class," Sato said sweetly. Then she glared at Shadow. "Jaganshi, detention."

"What! What for!"

"For distracting dear Shuuichi from his learning, of course," she said sweetly. Shadow narrowed her eyes.

"You biased witch," she muttered coldly.

"Sato-sensei, she wasn't distracting me," Kurama said, before Sato could give Shadow further detention.

Sato looked a little surprised. She quickly recovered. "But Shuuichi dear"

"Nevermind! I'm causing trouble, I'll just go to the office... I'm welcome there," Shadow said, getting up and putting her hands up in surrender. She grabbed her books. "Don't worry, I don't mind. I might as well just go there and skip this class all the time anyway. I typically only stay long enough to do an objectionable essay response before you kick me out." As she walked by Sato, she got up close to her face, eyes narrowed accusingly. "You are aware I've only been in this class about a month total all year and I still have an A. Does that tell you anything, woman?" She backed away, grinning. "Ja mata ne!" And before Sato could stop her, she was out the door. The teacher was in a foul mood for the rest of class.

Shadow ran all the way down to the office, and reached it the same time as Eclipse, who'd left considerably earlier but had dawdled on her way down. The girl was still chuckling as she traced patterns on the walls and kind of danced down the hall with the air of somebody drunk, but when Shadow came flying up behind her unexpectedly and grabbed her shoulders, she let out a shriek and threw herself to the ground, curling up in a ball. The office door, about five feet away, flew open and Yamashita peered out. Seeing the situation, he instantly told Shadow she was cleaning bathrooms tonight, and sent Eclipse back to class. The confused girl stared until Shadow punted her down the hallway. Then she went into the office on her own.

"I have to sit in here again," she said. "I was talking in class. Sato hates me."

"I hate you too," Yamashita said flatly. He went back in his office. Shadow sat down, grinning, and started up a conversation with the secretary. After about fifteen minutes, she randomly asked to go to the gym.

"I forgot my sweatshirt there yesterday," she explained. The secretary, a young woman with love interests of her own, smiled.

"Sure, you can go see Jaganshi-sensei," she replied, smiling. Shadow grinned.

"Arigatou! Ja mata!" She darted out of the office and tore down the hall to the gym. Hiei was not in the least surprised to see her. He was doing agility drills, and was already fed up with the weak ningens. He'd taken to flinging foam balls at them if they were too slow. Shadow hung around behind him, taking great joy in hollering at Hiroshi Nakada every time he was hit with one of Hiei's brightly colored motivational foam balls. For all his brawn, he was slow and stupid, like most high school gang-leading school-failing dolts.

When Nakada finished his drills, he went straight over to Shadow and challenged her to a fight.

"Here?" she laughed.

"Yes, here, and right now."

"You mean, with Jaganshi-sensei watching? And all your classmates?"

"Who cares. _Hiei_ doesn't care because you're his _student_ and he wants to see how you _fight_, doesn't he?"

"He wants to see how I fight when I'm actually in _danger_. Even Shuuichi Minamino is more dangerous than _you_."

"Shuuichi Minamino is a girly little momma's boy!"

The entire gym silenced. And then Hiroshi Nakada was bombarded with screams and shouts from every girl in the room. Then they all piled on him and started hitting him. Hiei and Shadow stared, looking a bit surprised. It took ten minutes with both of them trying at it before all the girls finally backed off. And when Shadow saw Nakada's state afterwards, she burst out laughing.

Hair pulled out by the handfuls, his face looked like somebody had let a wild cat loose on it, his shirt was ripped in several places, he had a bloody nose, and a black eye was already adding purplish color to his red face. Hiei snorted back laughter and most of the rest of the class burst into hysterics. Nakada glared, which made it all the more funny since his black eye was swelling shut, and Shadow collapsed on the ground and laughed until she couldn't breathe and was in danger of needing CPR. The boy got up, angry, and left the school through the nearest door, limping slightly.

Shadow was laughing and turning blue in the face. One of the boys looked at her and pointed. Without much enthusiasm, he said, "Hey, you might wanna do something about that..."

Hiei looked down at her, and his smirk vanished. Or rather, it turned into a rather unconcerned "These things happen" look, and he kicked her. She let out a strangled, "Agh!" and rolled over, continuing to chuckle. The fire demon sighed.

"Shadow, stop laughing. It may be funny, but I think breathing is a pretty essential function. So, if you have to stop laughing to breathe, by all means, do it."

"But I can't!" she panted. "That was the funniest thing in the world!"

"Not by far," Hiei sighed, grabbing her and dragging her off to a corner. He pinned her against the wall with one arm across her collar bones. "Calm down, Shadow."

"I'm trying!"

"You're not trying hard enough. Remind me never to let you stay up all night again," he murmured. "You're like a big ball of energy, bouncing off the walls and going into uncontrollable fits of..."

She started laughing again. He put his hand over her mouth.

"Do you have detention again?"

She nodded.

"Cleaning bathrooms?"

Another nod.

"What did you do this time?"

"I volunteered to go to the office since Sato was yelling at me for Kurama talking to me. Well, I didn't really volunteer, I kinda just told her I'd go to the office to solve it and I ran all the way and caught up to Eclipse and grabbed her and she screamed and Yamashita thought I was beating her up so he gave me detention." She panted, having said all that in only one breath. Hiei nodded.

"So it's just Yamashita hating you again."

"Yeah, more or less."

"Are you calmed down yet?"

She stared him straight in the eye, totally calm, then snorted and burst into laughter.

"I give up," he said, returning to his class just to dismiss them to the locker room. Shadow silently hopped across the gym and he turned just as she reached him. She shrieked in surprise and burst out laughing again. Hiei sighed.

"Shadow. Please. Calm down. I have a headache."

Shadow silenced instantly. "Make it go away?"

"What?"

"Free period next period!" she cheered.

"Ohhh."

The girl smiled as Hiei realized what she meant. When the bell rang and everybody was out of the gym and locker rooms, they relocated to his office. He shut the door behind her and she instantly pressed her lips to his.

"I'm tired of school," she said, sighing.

"Do you think I'm not! I have to go to another job after this, and both my bosses are assholes."

"But you're getting paid..."

Hiei shrugged and sat at his desk. "I'm a fighter. I'm not a teacher, and I'm not a law enforcement officer. I'm tired of it."

"Well, only five more months," Shadow said, smiling.

"That doesn't help."

There was a short pause. "Aishite'ru, Hiei."

"That doesn't help either, koishii," he said. A grin appeared on Shadow's face.

"You called me koishii."

"I did?"

She nodded.

"Well..." He shrugged. The girl smiled.

"Let's see what we can do about your headache."

Meanwhile, in the lunch room, Eclipse was sitting at a small table with Kurama, unenthusiastically poking at her creepy cafeteria food.

"I wonder where _Shadow_ is," she asked sarcastically.

"And Hiei, too," Kurama added.

"Probably screwing in his office," the girl said coldly, stabbing her rice. It cringed. She screamed and threw it in the garbage. Kurama didn't even bother asking.

"Let's go check on them."

"No! God, if they really are screwing, I don't wanna see it!"

"Fine." Kurama got up and left. Eclipse's jaw dropped.

"What, and you _do_?" she cried, running after him.

"They aren't."

"How do you know!"

"I just do."

Eclipse mocked him behind his back all the way to the gymnasium and into the boy's locker room until she saw that they were indeed still quite clothed. Though they _were_ awful close...

"What's going on in here?" she asked harshly, flinging open the door. Hiei didn't even look up, and Shadow just grinned and continued her massage. Eclipse frowned.

"At least it's not sex."

"How come I never get massages?" Kurama asked, mocking hurt. Shadow grinned.

"Because of Youko. And besides, it's reserved for Hiei."

Eclipse cringed. "You're icky. You're like, all... changed now..."

"Huh?" Shadow said stupidly. Hiei grinned a bit in amusement.

"I like her changed," he said. "But she's actually still very much the same."

"Right... She's all touchy feely now..."

"Only with Hiei," Shadow corrected. "Just like you're only touchy with Kurama, and only when nobody else is around."

"I'm not touchy with _anybody_."

"Then you'd _like_ to be," Hiei amended, leaning back against Shadow.

"Psh. With the fox? Yeah right."

"You've got problems then. What girl _wouldn't_?" Shadow asked. Hiei looked at her accusingly. "Well he _is_ attractive, you've got to admit."

"_I_ don't have to admit a thing," Hiei said. "Are you attracted to that fox?" He was obviously teasing, and Shadow knew it.

"Well..." she said, shrugging. "If I am, I can't help it. I'm a girl and he's hot... Of course, you're better, koishii."

"Really. You don't sound too honest about that," he muttered.

Eclipse was staring. Then she snapped her fingers. "Are you two breaking up over Kurama? Because that would be wonderful."

"Why, cuz then you could have Hiei?" Shadow asked. "Well too bad! He's better than Kurama! You keep Kurama and I'll keep Hiei and we'll be happy."

"But I don't like Kurama!"

"Then you're a lesbian! Oh my God!" Shadow flattened herself against Hiei's back, putting her mouth right next to his ear, and whispered, "My best friend is a lesbian."

"I AM NOT!"

"Uh-huh. I could always just take both of the hotties... We could have threesomes!"

"I'm outta here," Kurama said instantly, hurrying out the door.

"I'm with you," Eclipse agreed, tearing after him. Shadow chuckled.

"You _aren't_ attracted to Kurama, are you?" Hiei asked after a second, still joking.

"He's no more than a friend," she said, smiling.

"That's good." Short pause. "Prove it?"

They shared another passionate kiss. What's that, the fourth or tenth one in this chapter? Jeez. Getting sick of this yet? Or would you rather I gave details?

Shadow had more or less stopped walking to lunch and math with Kurama and Eclipse altogether, since she typically spent her literature and lunch periods in the gym with Hiei. So, on her way to math, all alone and feeling quite jovial after her visit with Hiei, she was a very easy target for fan girl assaults. These hadn't been common at all yet this year. However, today was her lucky day. Fifteen or twenty girls converged on her as she turned a corner.

"Hello, biatches!" she said cheerfully. No matter how many times she was confronted, there always seemed to be one girl consistantly there, apparently the ringleader of Mieou High's "official" Shuuichi Minamino Fan Club. Shadow didn't know her name, nor did she care, she just knew she was a slut and had probably screwed about fifty or more guys since she started high school. Of course, we now know this girl's name is Arisa.

"Been screwing around with Jaganshi lately?"

The missing title didn't go unnoticed by Shadow, but she said nothing about it. "What do you mean?" she asked innocently.

"We know you two little snotbags are fucking each other. You try to hide it, but it's obvious. He's free at lunch but neither of you are ever in the cafeteria."

"Oh, right, and you think we're off screwing each other someplace? Honestly, even if we were lovers, we'd find more opportune times and places to have sex than lunch period in a high school. There's cameras all over the place in this school. Yamashita's probably watching us right this second." She paused, eyes darting around suspiciously for a second before returning to the fangirls. "And you could beat the shit out of me and he'd just stay down there watching, probably laughing, because he hates me. With good reason, of course. Probably the same reason _you all_ hate me."

Arisa looked confused, so Shadow elaborated. "Jealousy."

"Jealous! We're not jealous of you!" she snobbed (yes, now snob is a verb). "We just know you're a slut, and you'll pay for what you've done to Shuuichi."

"And what, exactly, have I done to Shuuichi?"

"Infected him with your disease."

"Um... I'm actually really healthy..."

Glares.

"Oh! You mean I've inflicted my insanity upon his normally respectful, brilliant, beautiful, composed disposition? You mean ever since I came around he's been acting a little different? I have that effect on people, it seems."

"We're going to find out your secrets, Jaganshi. And when we do, Shuuichi will never want anything to do with you, ever again."

"What is with people and trying to 'discover my secrets'! I don't have any secrets! What, just because I dress differently, act differently, look differently, and lead a different lifestyle, I'm automatically some kind of neon green frog-monkey with bat wings for ears! What the hell!"

"You're a whore, that's what you are," the ringleader said. "If you lay a hand on Shuuichi, you'll regret it."

"No, if _you_ lay a hand on Shuuichi, you'll regret it. I know you're smart enough to realize that as long as I'm around, you don't have a chance with the guy. Yet, you still insist on attempting the inevitable. However, when he refuses all of you, all the time, every time you try, you look for another way around. You think that if you get rid of me, you'll have a clear path to Shuuichi Minamino. Well there's another obstruction you've forgotten, and you can't get rid of it."

"What!"

"And if you should ever happen to find Shuuichi wandering from that obstruction, giving you a clear path, keep in mind he has not forgotten his obligations. He's not going to go out with you, he's not going to tutor you at home or give you any chance to get your hands on him. He doesn't want you, he doesn't feel any attraction to the majority of the school's population, and he's not going to have sex with you, with or without my 'secrets' 'discovered.' You can just keep on trying your little rumors and confrontations, it won't make Shuuichi like you any more."

"Well you can just say that stuff all you want," Arisa snotted (yes, snot is a verb now too), "but I always get my way, and if I want Shuuichi, I'll get him no matter what. I'll get rid of you."

Shadow sighed. "I can't believe you're so stupid. I'll take your confrontations. Fine. But just think about this: You're the ones who started the rumor about Jaganshi-sensei and I being lovers. Now, I'm the loyal type, and he's the loyal type, and Shuuichi is the loyal type. If I were screwing around with a teacher, a good friend of Shuuichi's, do you really think I would have any obligation to _Shuuichi_? Do you really think _I_ would be the one keeping you from him? If Hiei and I were lovers, which we aren't, then don't you think Shuuichi would be a little more detached from me? _I_ wouldn't be dictating his love life. I'd have my own lover, and he could go off and screw slutty fangirls for all I cared. Yet, you're contradicting yourselves. Either I'm Hiei's bed partner or I'm Shuuichi's, but I'm not both, so make up your minds. Am I keeping you from Shuuichi by being with him, or am I with Hiei and Shuuichi is free of my clutchy little fingers? Think about that. I'm going to class."

The bell rang. All the girls scattered. Shadow still had to go to her locker. Luckily her math teacher liked her or she'd have gotten double detention (cleaning bathrooms and doing Calculus). She strolled into math class, books under her arm, and bowed an apology to Baisotei.

"_Osokunatte sumimasen_," she said.

"You're nearly five minutes late, Shadow-san," Baisotei said. Shadow nodded.

"I'm sorry, Baisotei-sensei. I had a little confrontation in the hallway. The less respectable part of the Shuuichi Minamino fan club confronted me and accused me of infecting dear Shuuichi with my disease. I had to try to explain to them that I don't have any diseases and that I'm not a neon green frog-monkey just because I don't wear the uniform and am constantly cheerful."

The Calculus teacher merely raised an eyebrow and pointed to her seat. She scurried back and sat next to Kurama. He looked at her questioningly.

"I'll explain later," she said. He nodded.

Let's talk for a minute about the Shuuichi Minamino fan club. As you well know, it consisted of every girl in Mieou High, plus a lot of girls from other schools and from all around town, who saw his beautiful, graceful body making its way down the street or through the hallways. However, there were different factions of the fan club, I guess you could say. There were the intelligent ones, who admired his mind and respected his body. There were the normal ones, who worshipped him. And then, of course, there's the ones who just lust and plot and scheme to get his sexy body naked in their bed. This faction was led by Arisa, the slut who was bribing Ryu Obake with sex and blackmailing him with embarrassing photos to get him to spy on Hiei and his friends against his best judgement. This is the faction that had been harassing Shadow ever since they'd seen her close to Shuuichi. He didn't have many friends that they knew of, and when it seemed his first real friend in the school was a pretty girl, they'd been furious. Of course, this was two years ago when Shadow and Hiei had supposedly been his adopted brother and sister. The sluts knew better, though. Adoption did not mean they were blood related, and that meant they could have a relationship without ever worrying about kids with deformities in the future. So it was at that moment that the Slimeball Faction of the Shuuichi Minamino Fan Club had also become the first Shadow Jaganshi Hate Club.

The next period, in Health class, Shadow told Kurama what had happened and what she'd said. However, this didn't take long enough to completely spare them from Etsuko-sensei's lecture on emotional status in a relationship.

She was taking her lectures in steps, she said. Each week they would learn about something new, in order of how things should proceed in a relationship, and once it was established, how to maintain it and stay healthy while still enjoying it. This, of course, bored most students. They just wanted to watch porn. Shadow was not one of them, but she _was_ bored with the lectures, and the things Youko drew out of these lectures and whispered to her the next time he saw her.

Today should be especially fun.

"Emotional status in a relationship is very important," the teacher was saying. "If you are unhappy with the relationship you are in, you don't want to stay in it just to please your partner. That could lead to a lot of bad things, like depression, and you'll slip into a world of insecurity and you'll feel a constant need for sex just to feel good about yourself."

The lady spoke as if talking to small children about hot stoves. Shadow sighed.

"Now, during sex, you may feel best in one position. Though it is good to try out new things, you don't want to do anything that you are uncomfortable with."

And though she was trying to take them in steps, she always ended up talking about sex. Shadow was so sick of hearing about sex she was sure she'd never be able to actually experience it. She wasn't sure she wanted to, she was so sick of hearing about it.

Her mind wandered to her social studies project and a maniacal smile appeared on her face. Kurama and Eclipse stared at her like she was nuts, for Etsuko had just said something that Shadow hadn't heard, and they thought that's what she was smiling about.

Then, a random thought occured to her that widened her psychotic grin and made her snicker. New Year's was coming up. Though it was a big holiday everywhere, no matter what religion, she'd actually never celebrated it yet at her house. Not with a party.

"A party..." she muttered. Kurama relaxed a bit as he realized she was laughing at her own twisted thoughts, not about rough sex. Eclipse, however, was more confused than ever and looked to Kurama's small smile, then at Shadow, and whimpered.

"I'm confused!" she whined. Shadow jumped up and flew out the door, shouting, "I'M GONNA HAVE A NEW YEAR'S PARTY!" It echoed in the hallway as she went, letting out a loud whoop and jumping for joy. Kurama hid his face in his hands and Eclipse continued staring in utter confusion. The entire class stared at the door and Etsuko hurried to call Shadow back, but she was no where in sight.

"Oh, my..."

* * *

**Bet you can't guess what the next chapter is...**


	13. Happy New Year!

**(4-3-05)** Sorry I didn't post this earlier, I meant to, then I got distracted... I've started what I believe is **Chapter 22...** Hey, I have **314** reviews! At this rate, I'll have **628 by chapter 24!** Isn't that awesome? Maybe this story will hit 1,000? Wouldn't that be AWESOME? **Let's make that our goal! Somewhere between 600 and 1,000 reviews!** (Greedy, aren't I?)

**Carri-** Sorry for not translating the Japanese. Just because I felt like writing up a translation dictionary for every term I could find that was used so far, look at this... I'm posting the chapter late... 3:30 AM on the morning when time changes... The dictionary is at the end of this chapter... It's longer than I expected... I thought I hadn't used very much Japanese...

Guess what! The computer is just as slow as me! That's freakin' amazing! I right-clicked to open something in a new window, totally forgot I'd done it, then remembered a few minutes later just before it popped up. The computer forgot it was supposed to be opening something in a new window, and so did I! I feel special now! It remembered as fast as I did! THAT MEANS I'M SMART! (granted, for some reason my computer's being screwy and it took at least a minute to open the window, but hey, don't be a went blankey on my party...)

**Arano Honou-** Sure you can put my story on your C2 thingy... Even though I'm still not real sure what the C2 thing is... But if it's extra advirtisement? That's always welcome! Exspecially with my new greedy goal of 600 to 1,000 reviews! (and btw, "exspecially" is not a typo.)

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN  
**Happy New Year!

New Year's Eve came surprisingly quickly, just proving that when you can't wait for something, it doesn't always take it's sweet time getting around to happening. There was no school that week, and Hiei got a surprising two days off from Kyoukan (and he'd practically had to kill the guy just to get that).

With the few days before New Year's Eve, Shadow decorated her downstairs, but the upstairs remained its very own typical self. Hiei wandered into the kitchen and blinked as he found her baking a cake.

"What's the cake for?"

"Party," she answered shortly.

"Obviously. Why?"

"It's cake! Everybody likes cake!"

Hiei shrugged. "Okay."

"What else should I do?"

"I don't know. I know even less about ningen customs than you and you know it."

Shadow paused. "I think I know." She smiled. "I'll be needing your help, koishii."

**

* * *

**

And so came the evening of New Year's Eve. The six of them were gathered in Shadow's living room. The hostess was in her typical bounce-off-the-walls state of energy and her normal state of sanity (meaning, she was currently _in_sane). It was due to this that Kurama suggested moving the party outside.

"Outside!" Shadow's face lit up. "You mean, in the dark? Where the grass grows?"

"Yes..."

"And there's trees and birds and frogs?"

"FROGS!" Eclipse, who had been under the couch (for some unexplained reasonprobably looking for some kind of interdimensional portal leading to The Land of Pink Sunshinyness), came lunging out and latched onto Shadow's head. "WHERE?"

"OUTSIDE!" Shadow cheered, thrusting her fist into the air valiantly.

"LET'S GO!"

"YES, LET'S!" She paraded out of the room, knocking Eclipse off her head in the doorway. The girl landed on the floor with a loud thud, which Shadow, of course, ignored in her haste to get to The Land Of Outside. Everybody else stepped over the twitching girl without a care.

They got outside to find Shadow no where in sight.

"Where'd she go?" Kuwabara asked.

"Good one, fox. You sent her outside and she wandered off in the _two seconds_ she was unsupervised," Hiei sighed.

"She's like a little kid!" Yusuke complained. "How are we supposed to have a fun New Year's party when we have to babysit a two-year-old?"

"Well, Yusuke, that's the thing. We don't have to babysit Shadow," Kurama said, an evil glint in his eye. "We just give her her favorite toy, and, like any small child, she's content for hours."

"And what would that be? Fire? I don't think that's a good idea, Kurama."

"Fire? No, not fire, Yusuke."

Shadow came bounding out of the woods like a hyper puppy dog, running like a maniac, her eyes wide and psychotic.

"We give her her Hiei-kun and all is well," Kurama said, grinning evilly. He pulled the others out of the way, leaving a startled and confused Hiei standing directly in Shadow's path. She lunged and tackled him.

"Ko-i-SHIIIIII!" she squealed, nuzzling against his chest. He sighed and frowned up at Kurama, who smiled sweetly and waved, then strolled off to start a fire in the fire pit nearby. Yusuke and Kuwabara grinned at him, then went after the redhead. Shadow had stopped nuzzling and was now just resting on him contentedly, like a small child with its favorite teddy bear. Hiei looked at her and sighed. Not long ago he would have torn somebody apart for bumping him on a crowded street. Now he had a young girl using his chest as a pillow... and he didn't mind.

But she was the only exception, he reminded himself.

A fire flared up in the pit. Eclipse had joined them, of course with the materials for s'mores. Shadow's nose twitched, and her dreamland content smile faltered. She sat up abruptly, looking a bit dazed, then saw Hiei... then the fire... then the s'mores... Her mind screamed in horror. Decisions, decisions...

"Shadow! Come, join us! Have a s'more!" Kurama called. The girl bit her lip, looked at Hiei, then lunged at the section of tree trunk on which all the s'more ingredients were sitting. She stole them all and went back to Hiei.

"Problem solved!" she chirped. He just sighed.

"Hey! You stole our s'more stuff!" Eclipse complained.

"Yep!" Shadow replied cheerfully, clutching the food to her chest like it was precious... Vital to survival, you know...

"What time is it?" Yusuke asked.

"Eight o'clock."

"Four hours until the New Year!"

"Four hours..." Shadow mumbled. She looked at the s'more supplies. "Hiei, these won't last four hours."

"No, they won't, Shadow."

"Well... What're we gonna do when it's gone?"

"I don't know."

"I can think of a few things _you two _could do!" Yusuke called, waving.

"Really? What!" Shadow asked curiously. Yusuke snorted.

"Honestly, Shadow! Don't make him say them aloud!" Kurama said, covering Yusuke's mouth with his hand. Shadow grinned evilly.

"I just remembered something."

"It's the apocalypse!" Eclipse screamed, covering her head with her arms.

"Shut up! C'mon, Hiei." Shadow grabbed his hand and pulled him into the woods. Kuwabara let out a rather... un-masculine screech.

"What're they gonna do in there? Shouldn't somebody keep an eye on them!"

"They're not going to do anything like that, Kuwabara," Kurama said. "And believe me, if they were, they wouldn't do it in the woods on New Year's Eve when their friends are all over for a party which they are supposed to be hosting..."

"What makes _you_ so sure?"

Kurama shrugged. "If they do, I'll know. Do you want to be informed?"

"No! You just said they wouldn't!"

"They won't! But in case they do"

"Kurama!"

"Yes?"

"What is _wrong_ with you?"

"Wrong? With me? Nothing at all!"

"You haven't had any _sake_, have you?" Eclipse asked accusingly.

"If I did, it was because of Youko. And because those two did." He pointed at Yusuke and Kuwabara, who grinned innocently.

Eclipse sighed and dragged him off to the side. "Now, did you have any sake?"

"A bit."

"_Why_?"

"I told you: Youko."

"You really need to get ahold of your fox side. He might turn you into an alcoholic." She turned around, and the next thing she knew, pale arms were around her shoulders and Youko's face was peering down at hers, a grin on his face.

"You should know better, Eclipse. I wouldn't turn our dear friend Shuuichi into an alcoholic. It would disgrace me to share a soul with a good-for-nothing drunk."

Eclipse let out a shriek and pulled out of his grasp. "You! You just wanted to come and celebrate New Year's with us, didn't you! Aww, that's so sweet!"

The fox's eyebrow twitched.

"However, you're not welcome. RETURN, SHUUICHI MINAMINO!"

Youko's ear twitched. "Um, sure. I'll just go get him, I think I saw him go into the woods."

"Really? That's marvelous. You go get him and tell him to tell you that you need to stop whispering suggestions to him."

"Right, I'll, um... I'll do that, Eclipse." The fox vanished into the woods. Eclipse cheerfully skipped back to the fire.

"What was that all about?" Yusuke asked.

"I'm a sad, strange, confused little girl," Eclipse sighed, resting her chin on the heel of her hand and staring at the fire.

"Um..."

She looked around. "Hey, where'd Kurama go?"

Cue anime fall. Right into the fire. BOOMF!

Meanwhile, Youko was seeking out a certian pair of fire demons to spy on whatever mischief they had put their minds to. He found them quickly enough, and nearly fell out of his tree perch when he saw their current mischief.

Fireworks! Dozens, perhaps hundreds, of fireworks! Oh, this most certainly was not good. With the way Shadow had been acting... all small-childish... This was most certainly not good...

However, they were not concerned with the fireworks at the moment, he quickly realized. They were more interested in each other, and he supposed that was good, but also bad. When excited as such, some fire demons had a tendency to involuntarily raise their own body temperatures... And with their current surroundings... trees... fireworks... that was not good, not good at all...

_Not good, break for air, break for air... C'mon, you little people, your lungs can't be _that_ big!_

And finally, they did have to break for air, and as much as Youko hated it, he had to interrupt their little session. It was actually pretty interesting to watch, but with the current fire hazards, he had a feeling that if they continued, there wouldn't be a whole lot left of him to ever watch them again.

He cleared his throat just as the couples' lips touched once more. They nearly jumped out of their skins. Suppressing laughter, Youko leapt to the ground next to them and knelt, getting as close to their level as he could without actually laying on the ground next to them.

"Pardon my asking, but why is _she_ on top?" he questioned curiously, innocently, before their rage could overtake their surprise.

"Fox!" Shadow finally snapped, aiming a backhand punch at his face. He caught her wrist, smiling.

"It was just an innocent question, no need to get violent over it. What's with all these _hanabi_, anyway?"

"You're despicable, Youko Kurama," Hiei snarled, sitting up. "Get out of here."

"I meant no harm in asking," he said, grinning.

"Sure you didn't. What's wrong with you, anyway? You've just _got_ to stick your nose where it doesn't belong, haven't you?" Shadow said.

"My nose? Really, I was just assuring my own survival. You guys were really getting into it there. If you'd accidentally set off all these _hanabi_, or worse, started a forest fire, I might have been torched right where I sat."

"Which was _where_?" Hiei snapped. Youko glanced around, then pointed to a nearby tree.

"That tree, third branch up, near the trunk..." He shrugged. "I probably could have got a better view of your activities from that tree over there, but"

"Go _away_. You're really bound and determined to screw up our relationship, aren't you?" Shadow accused. Youko shook his head.

"Not at all. I think Shuuichi's got his eye on somebody, no matter how much he denies it. I'd be best off leaving you alone and assisting him in his pursuit of her... She's appealing too... Though she never really caught my attention like Shadow." He shrugged yet again. "Oh well. Now, if you're going to lay in the woods making out some more and you want me to leave, just say so. But I believe your dear friend Eclipse might come looking for her precious s'mores soon."

"Leave," the fire demons said in unison.

"The fireworks are for midnight," Shadow said. "They're not going anywhere until then. The trees are important, they'll stay intact. Hiei and I actually get to have some time together for once since he doesn't have to work tonight or tomorrow, and we intend to use it to its fullest advantages. Now _leave_."

"Its fullest advantages, eh? You're not going to have sex, are you? I think she's a little young, Hiei, if you want my opinYikes! Okay, okay, I'm leaving! Jeez..." Had he been in his canine form, he'd have scurried off with his tail between his legs.

"Now... Where were we?" Shadow purred. Hiei smirked and flipped them over, pinning her on her back.

"I remember."

"Wasn't it the other way around?"

"Yes... But I think I like it better this way," he whispered. Any further words from the girl were silenced with his kiss.

After what seemed like only seconds, a voice brought the pair out of their happy little activities.

"Hey guys! Where are you? I want my s'mores back! Guys?"

Hiei sighed with annoyance, resting his head on Shadow's shoulder.

"Well," she muttered, "the fox _did_ warn us."

"Damn him," Hiei said without any real anger. He brushed his lips across hers before he got up, then helped her to her feet. "Come on..."

They left the firework-filled clearing and intercepted Eclipse before she discovered the flammable surprise for later that night.

"There you are! Youko told me you'd be coming back this way sooner or later..." She peered around them curiously. "You guys didn't eat all my s'more stuff, did you?"

"No," Shadow sighed, holding the bags out to Eclipse with her free hand (the other hand, of course, was grasped tightly in Hiei's). "Take your precious _s'more stuff_."

"Yay!" She snatched it, clutching it protectively to her chest. "My precious," she hissed, stroking it for a second. Then she looked suspiciously at the fire demon couple. "What did you do to it!"

"Do? We didn't _do_ anything to it!"

"What do you mean you didn't do anything to it? You don't steal my precious and then just dart off into the forest with no reason! Then you surrendered it so easily! You and your lover there poisoned it or something! It's artificial, isn't it! _Artificial_ smores don't taste _half_ as good as _real_ ones!" She sniffed at the food suspiciously, keeping narrowed eyes trained on the confused couple. "I don't believe you." With that, she spun and ran back towards Shadow's house with an oddly animalistic galloping gait, shouting for Youko. When she burst into the yard with the smore ingredients clutched to her chest, she went straight to Youko and nearly tackled him into the fire.

"YOUKO! What did they do to it!"

"Huh?"

"My smores! They just gave them back _so easily_, they've got to be trying to kill me!"

Youko chuckled. "Smores are the least of their concerns at this moment, my dear girl."

"Bull!" She tossed the bags into his lap and crossed her arms. "I bet they _kidnapped_ the _real_ smores and these are just _look-alikes_! _Aren't they!_ Smell them and tell me how fake they are!"

Youko sighed. "They're all real, Eclipse."

"**_SMELL THEM! _**WHAT GOOD'S A FOX NOSE DOING YOU IF YOU CAN'T FIND A GOOD USE FOR IT? LIKE SNIFFING OUT S'MORE IMPERSONATERS! **_SMELL THE S'MORES!_**"

"Honestly... Jeez, okay, I'm smelling the smores... See?" Youko opened the bags and sniffed at them each in turn, handing them back to Eclipse when he'd established their authenticity.

"You mean they're all real?"

"Yes."

"Those naughty little buggers didn't kidnap my s'mores?"

"Nope. Those are the real deal, Eclipse. Eat the s'mores and leave me alone."

Eclipse chirped happily and sat down next to Youko. She impaled a few marshmallows on a stick and held them over the fire, a childish smile on her face. Yusuke chuckled.

"Just like a little kid."

"No," Youko sighed. "Just like _Shadow_."

Eclipse screamed, dropping her stick in the fire. The marshmallows burst into flames. She gathered her wits in a split second and grabbed the stick off the ground, whipping around and pointing the flaming blobs of goo at Youko. "DO NOT SPEAK THAT SMORE-KIDNAPPING FIEND'S NAME IN MY PRESENCE!"

"But I thought we established she _didn't_ kidnap your smores..." Yusuke said, confused.

"We did, but I need a reason to be angry at her when she comes back," Eclipse said casually, not removing her threat of a flaming marshmallow assault from under Youko's nose.

"_If_ she comes back, rather," the fox muttered, extinguishing her scorched weapon with a puff of breath.

"If?"

"Yeah, where are they, anyway?" Yusuke asked. "You found them and came back, _Eclipse_ found them and came back... and yet... Neither of _them_ is back. Mighty suspicious if you ask me."

"Yes, mighty suspicious," Youko replied sarcastically. "I doubt if they both still have all their clothes on at this point."

"WHAT!"

Eclipse nearly choked on the burnt marshmallow ashes she was eating. "Why, that smore-kidnapping, Hiei-raping, dirty little stinker! I'll make her pay for what she did to those frogs!"

"Last time I checked, Eclipse, frogs play no part in sex. And I should know, I've enjoyed it countless times without any frogs involved."

"But the smore-kidnapper raped Hiei!"

Yusuke cleared his throat. "Disregarding Eclipse for the moment, what exactly were they doing when you found them, fox?"

"Do you really want to know?"

The two teenage boys leaned forward a bit, nodding in unison. Youko shrugged a bit and also leaned forward.

"They were making out _very passionately_ on the forest floor, amongst the dirt and leaf litter."

"Ew... _Hiei?_"

"Yes, Hiei," said none other than Hiei himself as he walked out of the forest hand-in-hand with his beloved Shadow.

"Ew, Hiei! You're yucky!" Eclipse whined, attempting to fling marshmallow goo at him. It stayed quite well stuck to her fingers, and she spent the next ten minutes attempting to get it off, oblivious to all else.

"Shadow was on top," Youko whispered to Yusuke.

"Ew, _Hiei!_"

"What!"

"Never _mind_," the boy sighed, grabbing some marshmallows and a roasting stick.

"See, Yusuke knows when to shut up," Shadow said. "At least somebody around here is smart."

"Is that to imply I'm not?" Youko asked coldly.

"O' course not, dear Youko," Shadow replied with a smile, sitting next to him.

"You..."

"Oh, don't git yer panties in a bundle! No need to feel insulted! We all still love you... or at least, I know one of us does... I think..." Her eyes darted to Youko's left, then innocently moved up and she gazed at the stars. Hiei smirked and sat down next to his girlfriend. Youko stared at the creature on his left, as it wildly flung around its hand in pathetic attempts to get the marshmallow goo off. He sighed, looking at his friends smirking faces.

"Shuuichi has some taste in girls, hasn't he," he muttered under his breath (inaudible to everyone but Hiei and Shadow, who were closest), grabbing Eclipse's hand and wiping the goo off with a towel (yes, a responsible s'more maker is wise to keep moist towels and such around for hygiene reasons). She screeched and flung her arms around him.

"THANK YOU, O HOLY ONE!"

Youko blinked, a bit startled. Hiei chuckled. "See, she's not so bad, is she?"

"She's hugging me."

"Yeah, so? She called you 'O Holy One.' Surely that makes up for it?" Shadow said.

"You know he said our dear friend has a crush on Eclipse, right?" Hiei pointed out. Shadow blinked.

"Are you for real? And after all that denying, he was just being a liar like that lousy fox he keeps pent up in his brain!"

Youko cleared his throat. "So I'm a lousy fox, huh?"

"No, you're an absolutely wonderful person, Youko! Everybody loves and worships you and falls on their knees before you! For various reasons..."

Hiei gagged. "Shadow!"

"What? It's not like _I_ ever would."

"Of course not. That's reserved for Hiei, right?" Youko retorted.

"Yeah! Jealous?"

Yusuke and Kuwabara screeched. "You give Hiei"

"DON'T FINISH THAT SENTENCE FOR THE SAKE OF A PG-13 RATING!"

"Oh, come on, we can say 'blowjob' and keep it at PG-13..." Yusuke scoffed. "One word isn't going to boost the rating."

"It _could_... A certain one word, when used frequently," Shadow reminded.

"Heylo! We aren't supposed to discuss the story aspects while we're in the story, you idiots!" Hiei snarled.

"Oh. Right! Pretend that didn't happen!"

"As I was saying..." Yusuke started, but Shadow threw a marshmallow at him. That in itself wouldn't have stopped him, but just as he flung up a hand to catch it, it burst into flames, courtesy of our dear friend Hiei. Thus, Yusuke closed his hand upon a searing blob of burning goo, which, of course, stuck to his skin and burned a large majority of it.

"Nice one, Hiei!" Youko admonished as Yusuke ran around screaming and waving his charred hand. And then he continued to sit there.

"So you care enough to reprimand him but not enough to do something about Yusuke's little problem?" Shadow asked. Kuwabara was now trying to help and only succeeded in tripping Yusuke and sending him face first into the ground. Youko shrugged.

"He's the famed and feared Reikai tantei Yusuke Urameshi, Raizen's heir, all that hoopla, isn't he? If he can't fix a little burnt hand problem, I have to wonder if he really deserves to be thought of oh-so-highly..."

Hiei blinked, then shrugged. "You've got a point." And he, too, sat back to enjoy the show. Shadow had disregarded the entire thing once she'd noticed all the smore supplies were currently ungaurded, as Eclipse was still hugging Youko. Actually...

Shadow leaned across Youko, leaving her cooking marshmallow unwatched as she examined Eclipse. The girl was rather relaxed... arms around Youko's waist... Asleep leaning on him?

"Wow, no way!" Shadow thought out loud. "And he's letting her!"

"Huh?"

Youko and Hiei glanced at her.

"Eclipse is sleeping with your shoulder as a pillow with her arms around you, you know," Shadow pointed out. Youko looked at the girl.

"Ew, she is..."

Shouts and screams of pain from Yusuke's last known position quickly distracted them, and they found the boycrippled hand or nomangling Kuwabara for getting in his way. Shadow burst into hysterical laughter and fell off her seat, accidentally sending her flaming marshmallows flying up into the air. They came down on Kuwabara's stomach, and he let out a girly scream and passed out, leaving the burning goo caked on his skin. It had burned through his shirt, which it quickly set on fire, and started burning clear off his body (of course, not leaving his skin unharmed). Yusuke, who'd finally settled down to pamper his crippled hand, saw this and screamed.

"SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING BEFORE IT BURNS OFF HIS PANTS!"

"Holy Jesus!" Youko and Hiei both leapt into action. Kuwabara was shortly drenched from head to toe in ice water, which had also effectively awoken him to feel the pain Shadow's unintentional marshmallow assault had inflicted upon him.

"Hey, couldn't Hiei have just extinguished them with his powers?" Yusuke asked.

"Yeah, but this was more fun," Hiei replied, shrugging. "How's your hand?"

"You mean the one you **_CRIPPLED?_** Oh, it's just peachy for a **_CRIPPLE!_**"

"Hn. Your problem now." Hiei returned to sipping the hot chocolate Shadow had conjured up out of pseudospace while he and Youko were taking turns hosing Kuwabara's unconscious corpse with freezing water.

"Let me see your stupid 'crippled' hand," Youko said, grabbing Yusuke's wrist and pulling him to his feet.

"Ow ow ow!"

"Don't be a baby."

**Ten minutes later...**  
(this would be equivalent to one of those cool little effects they use on TV shows where the next scene comes in and you're supposed to KNOW time passed because of the transition effect they used!)...

"There you go, Yusuke. Good as new," Youko said, patting Yusuke's now-bandaged hand.

"Ow!"

"Stop being a baby! You can't even feel the damn thing, I put so much numbing stuff on it!"

"Sorry sir."

"Pansy little girl! Yusuke's a pansy little girl!" Shadow sang.

"Shut up!"

"Guys?" Kuwabara whined from somewhere out of sight (no body cared enough to be looking at him, thus, out of sight). "Guys? I'm in a lot of pain here!"

"Be a man, Kuwabara! Tough it out!" Yusuke snapped. Youko stared.

"Hypocrite!"

The boy just grinned.

"Guys?" Kuwabara persisted. "Please!"

Over on yonder side of the fire, Hiei was sitting with his hot chocolate, and suddenly got a devilish grin on his face. He handed his mug to Shadow for safekeeping and grabbed some bandages, strolling over to Kuwabara and squatting next to him.

"Sure Kuwabara. I'll help you."

A typical girly scream of horror came from the orange-haired boy, and he was on his feet in a second.

"Actually, Hiei, I'm feeling tip-top! Never been better! What's a little burn? I think I'll just, uh, go and... Yeah." He ran inside crying like a little girl. Hiei just laughed.

"TIME CHECK!" Shadow cried. "TIME IS?"

Yusuke looked at his wrist. "It'sHey! Where's my watch!" His eyes went instantly to Hiei, the closest. He put his hands up in the air like an innocent.

"I was never close enough to take it."

"YOUKO KURAMA!"

The fox, already perched in a tree at the edge of the yard, flicked an ear. "Yes?"

"WHERE'S MY WATCH!" Yusuke shouted, right under Youko quite suddently.

"Ow! Gods, you don't need to yell like that, I'm right here... I don't know where your stupid watch is... AUGH!" Thud. Youko was on the ground with Yusuke's foot on his chest.

"I don't believe you. And you know what?"

"What?" he said timidly.

"I'd bet anything you stole it."

"You gonna frisk me? 'Cause if you do"

"ECLIPSE! COME HERE!"

Youko's eyes widened. The girl was at Yusuke's side in a second.

"Yes?"

"Frisk him." He pointed at Youko, who looked up at the girl timidly, twitching his ears cutely.

"Frisk? For what? He didn't do anything." She skipped away.

"YOUKO!" Yusuke whined.

"What? I didn't steal your watch. You couldn't afford anything I'd be interesting in anyway."

"HIEI! COME HERE AND FRISK YOUKO!"

There was a girly shriek from Hi... Kuwabara. Inside the house. Hiei, on the other hand, merely looked blandly at Yusuke, then down at Youko, who waved and grinned.

"I wouldn't touch him... unless I was paid handsomely."

Youko sighed. "Damn!"

Yusuke screamed like a girl and jumped back. "You really ARE gay, aren't you!"

Youko was on his feet in a second, dangling Yusuke's watch in front of his face. "Look! Now I got your watch and you aren't getting it back! I'll stash it with everything else I've stolen!" He vanished into the forest. Yusuke gave chase.

"WE'RE ALONE!" Shadow (previously nowhere in sight) lunged out of a tiny hole in the ground under the log benches around the fire (it used to be a rat den, but once she went in there, they were scared to ever come back). She flew right out and tackled Hiei onto his back and started passionately (and fakely) "making out" with him, adding sound effects for Eclipse's... benefit. The girl let out a shriek, ran away, and there were sounds of a bus hitting her, followed by a twenty car pile-up and a fireworks truck being hit, which sent a beautiful display of color into the air. Hiei and Shadow barely noticed, as they were now _really_ kissing, and even when Eclipse, crippled and bleeding and groaning for help, came dragging herself around the corner of the house looking for medical assistance, the couple didn't notice. They were much too lost in their sensations to even bother laughing when Kuwabara came back outside and screamed like a girl.

Okay, that was an overstatement. Shadow fully enjoys good humor, and Kuwabara screaming like a little girl over something as simple as a kiss (granted, Hiei was involved, Hiei was on his back under a girl and looking quite pleased with it, Hiei was now sporting a nice little mark on his neck courtesy of Shadow) was humor. She laughed, nearly choking both herself and Hiei.

"Oh, God Shadow!" Hiei said, wiping the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. "'Death by kiss' isn't what I want on my death certificate."

"I'm sorry, koi... But... Look, he even passed out! Over a kiss! That's the funniest thing in the world!"

"Well, it's understandable, I guess... It's Kuwabara. 'Nuff said."

"Yeah... And I was on top of you, and you were not complaining about that, and we were both..." She trailed off as Youko came wandering out of the forest and dropped a body on the ground nearby carelessly, then continued to stroll away. "Hey... Isn't that Yusuke?"

"Hey, isn't that Hiei?" Youko mocked. He was swinging a small pouch idly in one hand.

"What's in the pouch? Loot?" Hiei asked.

"Yeah. Yusuke tripped, so I robbed him."

"Tripped?" Shadow was hovering over Yusuke the next second, leaving a very unhappy Hiei lying on the ground alone. "There is no possible way to get that many marks from tripping. What'd you do, tie him up by his wrists and hang him off the Eiffel State Building?"

"What the what now?" Youko asked cluelessly.

"The Eiffel State Building. You know, that house in Africa that's really high... Where all the people go to throw things and see if bowling balls kill people faster when thrown at the same time as a feather?" she replied distractedly, poking at Yusuke with her shoe. The fox and Hiei exchanged clueless looks and shrugs.

"AHHHHHH!" Yusuke latched onto Shadow's leg. "GIVEITBACK! NOW! I WANT MY UNDERWEAR BACK!"

All eyes were instantly on Youko.

"I didn't steal his underwear! Gross!"

"You sure? Maybe I should look in that bag of yours," Hiei said, snatching the pouch out of Youko's hand.

"There's nothing in there that would interest _you_."

"A zippo!" Hiei pocketed the shiny lighter.

"Hey! I needed that!"

"What for? You stole it anyway, it's mine now... So's this little pocket knife here..." He slipped that inside his jacket.

"You suck, Hiei."

"Nah. Eclipse does, if you're interested, though."

"**HIEI!**" Shadow screamed.

"Oh, you did it now, man," Youko said, quickly stuffing his loot back in the pouch and getting out of the way of the slightly crippled and rather angry Shadow's advance. With Yusuke still hanging onto her leg and whining about underwear, she couldn't reach Hiei quickly, but he knew running from her was pointless.

"WHAT WAS THAT YOU JUST SAID?"

"Well _you_ weren't gonna do it! I wasn't gonna say"

"But _Eclipse?_ How would _you_ know?"

"What _else_ would she do? She's a _girl_, isn't she?"

"Far as I know..." Shadow said thoughtfully, tapping her chin. "BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACTS!"

"I was joking! Are you just trying to make excuses for me to have to beg forgiveness from you?"

"Damn, you caught me."

Hiei relaxed a bit.

"YOU GUYS SUCK! I WANT A FIGHT!" Youko shouted. Shadow flung a rock in the direction of his voice as she closed the distance between herself and Hiei. There was a thud a second later, followed by a second, much more painful-sounding thud shortly after that as Youko fell out of his tree perch. And the second the fire demons' lips met, Yusuke let out a girly shriek and detached himself from Shadow's leg, running away with his arms waving around over his head. Luckily the two weren't deeply engaged in this kiss, and nobody choked when Shadow laughed this time.

Shortly later, they'd managed to round up everybody (even Eclipse, who had to beat them off with a pogo stick to keep them from putting her in an immobilizing body cast for her injuries) and put them back around the fire. Shadow looked around at her friends, eyes settling on the bandages on each of them.

"Wow!" she laughed, "you guys are all hurt!"

Youko glared, a bandage wrapped around his head from the impact of the rock Shadow had pelted at him. "It's your fault, too. All your fault."

"Satan's spawn, that's what you are! The children of the devil!" Eclipse was hissing.

"My stomach hurts," Kuwabara whined.

"Really? Want me to heal it!" Hiei asked excitedly, starting to get up.

"No! No, that's really okay, I think it's actually getting better already!"

"Thought so. What about your hand, Yusuke? Is it still falling off?"

"No, but all these mysterious bruises are giving me problems..." He sighed. "Shadow said I fell off the Fifer's Cake Pylon or something like that..."

"Eiffel State Building, and I said no such thing. Youko said you tripped while in pursuit of the shiny things he stole from you."

"Things? What, plural? I thought he just had my watch!"

"He had that, but he got some more stuff too, when you... tripped."

"Half of it's Hiei's, now," Youko said defensively when the tantei started searching his own pockets.

"YOU STOLE EVERYTHING I OWN!"

"Nope, not your car, or your clothes. Otherwise, yeah, just about. But like I said, half of it went to Hiei. He robbed me of what I robbed from you."

"You damned thieves." Yusuke glared. "I'll get it all back from you before this day is over."

"There's less than three hours of this year, though, Yusuke! You'd better get with it!" Shadow said.

Yusuke let out a banshee shriek war cry and lunged at Hiei and Youko.

"IT'S WAR OF THE CRIPPLES!" the fire girl cheered, lunging out of the way (what care she has for her lover, no?). "BEAT 'EM UP!" (what specific instructions... she's not one to take sides, is she?) "DODGE! LEFT! RIGHT! UP! DOWN! RUN! NO, THE OTHER LEFT!" In the blink of an eye, she went from cheering on a fight to singing Yankee Doodle. Kuwabara stared. Even Youko had the lack of mind to stare, leaving himself open for Yusuke to tackle and pin to the ground.

"Gimme my stuff back!" he snapped, sitting on the fox's chest and searching through his pockets.

"Jeez, Yusuke! Get your ass off me!"

"You stole my stuff! I'll stick my dirty socks in your mouth if you don't shut up!"

Youko was silent. Shadow burst out laughing, clearly over Yankee Doodle. That was just a distraction.

"But wait, you don't wear socks," she said suddenly, once Yusuke had finished digging about five pounds of valuables out of Youko's right pocket and started on his left.

"I do sometimes! And they don't get cleaned very often."

"Oh, God, nasty, Yusuke," Youko whined. "I'll even frisk Hiei for you if you keep your dirty socks far, far away from me for the rest of your life."

"Oh? Okay, no problem!" Yusuke said, gathering up all his reclaimed valuables and removing his weight from the fox's chest. "Go to it."

Youko twitched. Hiei stared in horror. "You aren't _really_..."

"I have to. Cooperate?"

"I think not." Hiei ran. Yusuke followed with Youko in tow. Shadow, producing her video camera from nowhere, also went after. She could love Hiei to death, but she wouldn't pass up an opportunity for good humor and possible blackmail material.

Into the forest they ran, in the dark. Hiei would not allow himself to be caught.

"YOU HAVE SOME OF MY BEST STUFF, HIEI!" Yusuke yelled. "JUST LET HIM FRISK YOU! IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S GOING TO GRAB YOUR ASS OR NOTHIN'!"

There was a thud as Yusuke tripped over something and sent Youko (did you think I didn't literally mean 'tow' when I said 'in tow'? He was dragging the poor guy by his ear!) flying through the air. Shadow taped his progress and let out a "YES!" when he landed on our dear fire demon.

"Oh, God! You weigh a ton, fox! Get off me," Hiei snarled, getting up instantly. Youko, a bit more dazed, was only brought around by the insult.

"I do not weigh a ton, I'll have you know! Just because you're some kind of creepy anorexic half-starved little toothpick doesn't mean I have to be!"

"I'm not anorexic! I don't have eating disorders, I eat better than most normal demons."

"Psh. Yeah, 'cause you've got a loving little girl oh-so-kindly waiting on you hand and foot... and"

"Don't finish that."

"Okay, okay... Anyway, I have to frisk you, because Yusuke told me to."

"But Yusuke's unconscious."

"So? He didn't say he had to be watching."

"Yeah! Frisk 'im! Frisk 'im!" Shadow cheered.

"Shadow!" Hiei yelped, appalled.

"Yes dear, I know I'm evil," she replied sweetly. "At least I don't film you in the shower or anything."

Hiei turned purple. "And you had damn well better not _start_."

"I won't. That's something only I can see."

Youko looked at Hiei for a response.

"Not yet," Hiei said finally.

"Oh, come on. You guys are so immature. Haven't you ever heard of Hadaka no Tsukiai? Complete strangers would bathe together! Surely a couple of lovers can!"

Shadow flung a rock at Youko's head, narrowly missing both him and Hiei. "Hadaka no whatever is an ancient Japanese custom, and in case you hadn't noticed, my house is hardly Japanese!"

The fox snorted. "Yeah, it's like some man-eating carnival of horrors..."

"Yes! Thank you! So, just because I live in Japan and speak Japanese doesn't mean I have to act Japanese or have anything to do with their customs, especially their creepy bathing habits... Naked companionship my ass... Now frisk Hiei so we can get on with our lives!"

"Your girlfriend has mood swings, Hiei."

"I know. It's okay. As long as she doesn't flip out some day and rape me."

"She could."

"I might," she added. "It'd be interesting."

"Hiei," Youko said, sounding alarmed as he grabbed the smaller demon's arm, "your girlfriend is really unstable. Seek relationship counseling. I know a good place to go."

Boom. We all know Youko doesn't harbor creepy powers like Shadow, what with the changing of the entire surroundings in the blink of an eye, but he managed to do it now, and they were suddenly in a counselor's office (however, there were still trees all around...). Hiei was in the position of the patient, and Youko was sitting behind a desk with a clipboard.

"Tell me about your relationship, Hiei. Are you satisfied with it?"

"Hey... what's going on here?" Shadow asked.

"Satisfied?" Hiei said. "Up to this point, satisfied is a good word, yes."

"Why are we here?" the girl persisted in the background.

"Tell me about your girlfriend."

"She's... You know her."

**"Tell me about your girlfirend."**

"I have brown hair and green eyes and I enjoy long romantic make-out sessions in the middle of the night on the couch in front of a quiet TV," Shadow said to her camera as she set up a tripod.

"She's... Nice."

"I guess that's the best word to describe her," Youko sighed. "How long have you been dating?"

"I don't know!"

"Is she fulfilling your sexual desires, Hiei?"

"What!"

"Oh yes, yes I am," Shadow purred. She was now answering all Youko's questions... to the camera. The camera was focused so her face took up the majority of its screen, but both Hiei and Youko were visible behind her.

"What _are_ your sexual desires, Hiei?"

"They're none of your god damned business, for one!"

"But I'm your _relationship counselor!_ You can trust me with every little detail! What's she taste like?"

There was a loud slap and Shadow, having her back turned, got a startled look on her face but didn't turn until there was a thud.

"Oh dearie me, Hiei koishii, you knocked him out!"

Youko was lying on the ground twitching with a handprint on his face.

"You _bitch_ slapped him! Have you been hanging around Keiko?" She gasped. "_Have_ you been hanging around Keiko!"

"No! God, no, Shadow! Why are you all suspicious of me now?"

"I'm not. I just like teasing."

"Oh really?"

She grinned devilishly. "Yup." Youko's desk (eh?) was sparsely decorated, so flinging one tiny potted plant onto the ground lacked dramatic effect. But Shadow pushed Hiei onto the desk anyway.

"Hey! You're recording this!" he realized.

"Yeah. Just to torment people with later," she whispered.

"Nice, Shadow. So you like to rub our relationship in peoples' faces?"

"Your question has confused me. Now you're going to pay." She kissed him harshly. Youko, awake again, let out a shriek.

"NOT ON MY DESK!"

"Hey, fox, you were _wondering_ about my sex life!" Hiei laughed.

"But I don't want to learn about it like _this_! You're on my _desk_!"

There was a short pause. Then... "You heard him. Not on the desk, Shadow."

"Okay!" They both moved, but before they reached their new destination, Youko caught them and tossed them on the ground.

"Not in the chair, either! There. Fuck on the ground!"

"We're not fucking anywhere!" Shadow yelled. "God, you're such a, a like, a total loser! I can't believe it! Oh my God!" She got up and stalked away. Hiei followed, and suddenly the room was gone and it was the forest again.

"YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS UNSTABLE!" Youko shouted after Hiei. Yusuke stirred, then looked up.

"Hey... Did you get my stuff back?"

"No, I was busy."

"WELL GET IT THEN!" He grabbed Youko by the back of his neck and flung him after Hiei, again landing him on top of the poor demon.

"Youko! Ew! Get off him!" Shadow cried.

"FRISK 'IM!" Yusuke yelled. "He's got my knife and my fire somewhere, and I want them back!"

Sighing again, Youko got up and pulled Hiei to his feet, then, avoiding any thoughts that came into his mind, he obeyed Yusuke. Hiei stood there shuddering.

"I'm being frisked by Youko Kurama," he muttered. "Boy, that's a story."

"Sounds kinky," Shadow said.

"Shadow!" everyone yelped, especially Youko, whose hands were on Hiei's thigh.

"He doesn't have your stuff anymore, Yusuke," Youko announced finally.

"WHAT?"

"He had it in his jacket pocket, and somewhere in their games, Shadow removed it from him... So now he doesn't have them anymore."

"YOU KNEW THAT BUT YOU HAD YOUR HANDS ALL OVER ME ANYWAYS!" Hiei shrieked.

"I said I would," Youko said. "I had to."

"You could have been less thorough..."

"I got it on video tape!" Shadow sang. "Hiei was soooo red..." She froze. "You didn't enjoy it, did you?"

"Shadow! God! First you think it's Eclipse, then Keiko, then _Youko_! You started out bad, and it only got worse from there!"

"What about Keiko? You think Keiko's nasty?" Yusuke asked coldly. "She's my girlfriend and you just insulted her! This requires a duel!"

Hiei laughed. "Yeah, then I get about fifty free shots for all the times _you've_ insulted _my_ girlfriend."

"Man... True enough. Okay, I lose. Let's go make s'mores!"

Five minutes later.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALL THE S'MORES ARE GONE?"

"Well, see, while you were having an orgy, I ate all the s'mores," Eclipse explained.

"ORGY!" Hiei and Shadow screamed. **_"ORGY!"_**

"Yeah, it's where"

"But there was only one girl," Youko interrupted dejectedly. "And she's Hiei's. So what does that leave me with?" He looked distastefully at Yusuke. "Him?"

"You look at me like I'm a disease, man," Yusuke complained.

"Would you rather be a disease, or get ass-fucked by Youko?" Shadow asked bluntly.

"Good point. I'll take the flu any day."

"It's ten o'clock," Kuwabara pointed out, attempting to get back to talking about something sane and normal. "Are you guys making New Year's resolutions?"

Before anyone could answer, Shadow loudly announced, "IN THE NEW YEAR, I RESOLVE TO... CONTINUE BEING A VIRGIN!"

"Ah, damn," Hiei muttered. Shadow lunged on him, knocking him onto his back in her excitement.

"So you really _do_ want to have sex with me?"

No answer.

"I _knew it!_ Hey, quick, let's go screw while my New Year's resolution isn't in effect!"

"NAHHHH! NO!" Kuwabara screamed, dragging them apart. "No, no, no. Not unless you're going halfway around the world. I don't want to be anywhere near you when you do that. **_If _**you do that. Ew... _Hiei_ and _anyone_ is creepy, but Hiei and _Shadow?_"

"Hey, just for that, why don't we do it while he's in the house?" Hiei suggested.

"Okay!"

"Hey! I know _my_ New Year's resolution!" Youko said suddenly, clapping his hands together.

"What's that?"

"To get Shuuichi in bed with the girl he's got a crush on! Not necessarily sex, that's a bit too ambitious... This _is_ Shuuichi we're talking about here, but he could at least sleep with her... If Hiei can sleep with a girl, ol' goody two-shoes can as well. That's my New Year's resolution," he announced.

"Good! Who's he got a crush on?" Eclipse asked.

"That is none of your concern, my dear girl," Youko said, grinning evilly.

"Aw, come on! I wanna know! I wanna harass him!"

"I've already done enough evil that he'll have to deal with if I ever let him come back out; the last thing he needs is his denial and secrets exposed. No, I think that little fact will remain between us." The fox reclined against the log bench and interlocked his fingers behind his head to gaze up at the stars.

"You suck."

"Sometimes," he replied, shrugging. Eclispe shrieked, and again Yusuke accused, "You really ARE gay, AREN'T YOU!"

"I'm not gay," Youko said tiredly, turning onto his side and using the log as a pillow.

"Okay, okay, New Year's resolutions! Anyone else? Nobody but Youko?" Kuwabara said.

"And me!" Shadow cheered.

"You really meant that one?"

"Yeah! It might not be good for _Hiei_, but... Yeah. It'll prevent us from moving too fast in our relationship."

"You already are..." Eclipse muttered. "You kiss so often you'll be sick of it before long."

"No," the couple said in unison.

"I really doubt it," Hiei said. "See, Shadow does"

"NA NA NA! NO! I don't care about what she does to you while she's kissing you, especially if it's anything to do with the placement of her hands!"

"I grab his crotch, Eclipse," the other girl said sarcastically. "You're so stupid."

"HEY! WE'RE TALKING ABOUT NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS! I'M GONNA MAKE SURE YOU _ALL_ MAKE ONE!" Kuwabara said. "We need SOMETHING else to talk about for the next two hours, because I don't know about you, but talking about your guys's sex life isn't my idea of a good conversation."

Shadow sighed. "You spoil my fun."

"Hey, I know one for Yusuke," Hiei said, a devilish grin on his face. "He could resolve to stop ticking off his girlfriend every five minutes."

"That's impossible. She's a girl."

"Pardon?" Shadow said. "Are you implying that all girls fly off the handle when their boyfriend breathes wrong, like your psycho girlfriend?"

"Keiko isn't a psycho!"

"But she _does_ fly off the handle when you breathe wrong, and that's what you were implying, isn't it?"

"Um..."

"How about he resolves not to tick _anyone_ off for a whole half of the year," the girl suggested.

"That's asking too much," Hiei replied.

"Fine! I resolve that in the new year, I will do my best to improve my relationship with Keiko. Meaning I won't tick her off and will probably enjoy myself much less when around her," Yusuke said. "And that's final."

"Good, we've got three!" Kuwabara said, counting on his fingers.

"What's _yours_, baka?" Hiei asked accusingly.

"Mine? Um..."

"And it had damn well better not have anything to do with Yukina."

Kuwabara's face fell. "Why are you always so defensive of her? You're not her father!"

"No, I'm not."

"You're not? Oh, good, that's a relief."

"What! What, you actually thought I was?"

"Well you defend her like you've actually got _some_ connection to her, and you're not her _brother_!"

"You're stupid, Kuwabara," Hiei said flatly. "I defend her because you're an idiot and she's innocent. You'll taint her."

Shadow snorted. "Yeah, he will, won't he. And he's also a giant oaf and _she's_ smaller than _you_."

"Come on you guys! You're so mean!" Kuwabara whined.

"They're honest," Youko said. Then he paused. "Well, for the most part."

"We're very honest people! What are you talking about!" Shadow said, crossing her arms. "Hiei would never lie! He told me he loves me! If that isn't honesty, I don't know what is."

"Maybe he's just trying to get you close to him so he can screw you a few times and then vanish when he gets bored with you," Youko suggested.

"No, that's what you do, fox," Shadow retorted.

"I'm Youko Kurama. They throw themselves at me."

"I don't care who you are. Hiei's not like you."

"Thank the gods for that," Hiei muttered.

"What makes you so sure? I'll bet he's lying. He's always been secretive. Maybe there's more to him than you know. Maybe he's a... serial rapist who murders his victims!"

"Then why would I bother with loving her and living with her for years?" Hiei asked. "You're stupid too, Youko. I'm surrounded by big stupid idiots."

"I'm not stupid!" Eclipse volunteered excitedly.

"Yes you are."

"Oh. Well I'm not big, am I?"

"N"

"Some parts of you are!" Youko called. He bounced his eyebrows at her and she threw a rock at his head.

"If I wanted compliments on my body I wouldn't want them from you, lecher! Harass Shadow! Or Hiei!"

"Why me!" Hiei whined. "If he's gay, he's going to harass Yusuke, not me."

"What would I want with Yusuke?" Youko asked. "He's a stupid teenage boy."

"Well I've got a girlfriend. Only guy here who doesn't have a girlfriend is Kuwabara."

"I do so! Yuki"

"Uh-huh," Hiei said coldly. "Sure she is."

"Well I'm not gay so you don't have to worry about it anyway," Youko said.

"You sure looked gay when you were frisking Hiei," Shadow taunted, grinning.

"Yusuke _made_ me do that, and Hiei enjoyed it about as much as I did," the fox snapped. "Whether that was a lot or a little is up to him."

"How about not at all?"

"Uh-huh."

Kuwabara sighed heavily. Everyone looked at him.

"Can't we go the last two hours of the year without talking about sex?"

"What's up with you? Are you all rejected because you can't talk sex? Or are _you_, a teenage boy, really that disgusted by it?" Youko questioned.

"No! But, well"

"Youko, go fuck Kuwabara to make him feel better," Shadow ordered, pointing.

"WHY ME! I'm leaving! You people are picking on me!" And a few seconds later, a little silver fox vanished into the woods.

"CURSE YOU, YOUKO!" Shadow hollered.

"You brought it on. Now, Eclipse hasn't made a resolution yet!" Kuwabara said, quite aware that Youko was most of the reason anyone was talking about sex. He seemed to have that effect on people, since he had a sex obsession...

"Neither have you," Eclipse pointed out. "Neither has Hiei."

"I'm not making a resolution," Hiei said. "It's stupid. It's not like we have to hold to them anyway."

"Yes you do! How about we all come back here next year and do this again, minus the sex talk, and we see who managed to hold to their resolutions!"

Hiei laughed. "You're stupid."

"I think that's a good idea!" Shadow cheered. Beside her, Hiei let out an exasperated sigh.

"So what's your resolution, Kuwabara?" Yusuke asked. He put his hands over Hiei's ears. "Does it have to do with Yukina! Quick, say it while Hiei can't hear you!"

Hiei had the exasperated look of "I can't believe they're this stupid" on his face.

"In the New Year, I resolve to visit Yukina more often and spoil her with more gifts!"

"That's _it_?" Hiei cried.

"Hey! You can't hear him!" Yusuke snapped, kneeing him in the back.

"Now only Hiei and Eclipse are left!" Kuwabara exclaimed happily. "Hiei, you go first!"

"Hn."

"O-kay... Eclipse, YOU can go first!"

"My resolution isn't your business!"

"IT'S EVERYONE'S DAMN BUSINESS!" Shadow shouted. "IF YOU DON'T TELL US THEN HOW ARE WE GOING TO KNOW WHETHER YOU ACCOMPLISHED IT!"

"YOU AREN'T!"

"Well, how about this: Hiei reads your mind and tells us your resolution, then Hiei tells us his," Kuwabara suggested.

"How about you calm down about the resolutions and let us think about them, baka?" Hiei snapped. "We all know you've been thinking about this for ages, but maybe other people _haven't_."

Kuwabara silenced. Hiei had a point, of course.

"So what can we talk about until then?" Shadow asked. She jumped over to Kuwabara and linked her arm in his, stroking his arm. "Hm, handsome?"

"Shadow!" Yusuke screamed. Hiei's jaw was hanging open stupidly. Shadow zoomed over to Yusuke.

"What is it, you sexy thing?" she asked, arms around his neck. He grabbed her and plopped her onto Hiei's lap.

"He's your lover and you know it. I know I'm wonderful and Kuwabara's... Well, I'm wonderful, so I can understand why you'd be torn to come to me instead of Hiei, but"

"Oh, learn some humility, Yusuke! I was just teasing Hiei. If he ever comes out of shock here, I'll apologize to him. I can't believe I touched Kuwabara... ew." She shuddered. Then she shuddered again. "FLAMES! PURIFY ME!" The girl made to jump into the fire, but Hiei caught her wrist and pulled her back to his lap, their faces mere centimeters apart.

"Why did you do that?"

"What, jump at the fire? 'Cause"

"No. What you did with Kuwabara there. Why did you do that?"

"He needs some self-esteem?"

"That's a hell of a reason."

"I'm so very, very sorry, Hiei. What do you want me to do to make it up to you? Should I live in your garbage can until you say it's enough? Or would you rather just punish me? You want to chain me up and beat me?"

"How about you do whatever I ask you to until I consider your misdeed forgiven?"

"I can agree to that," she murmured. "What's my first command, Master?"

Yusuke gagged, missing Hiei's next words, but a second later it was obvious what they'd been. 'Kiss me.'

"Now, how come my relationship with Keiko isn't like that?" he asked quietly, sitting down between Kuwabara and Eclipse. "She'd never obey me." They watched for a few seconds, then he added, "And there's no way she could kiss like that."

"It makes you wonder where _Shadow_ learned, doesn't it?" Youko asked quietly from behind them.

"YeahHey! Where'd you come from?"

The fox gestured to the woods casually. "What'd I miss?"

"Shadow is Hiei's slave until he forgives her for calling Kuwabara handsome. She's gonna be calling him master and acting all creepy for a while."

The couple on the opposite side of the fire broke apart finally and looked to their friends. Red eyes widened slightly.

"What are you staring at! We're not in a zoo, you gawking morons!" Hiei snapped, flinging a chunk of burning wood at them. They screamed and scattered. It hit the log on which three of four had been sitting, and the log burst into flames.

"Get water! Call 911! Call 911! Oh my God, somebody get water!" Kuwabara was screaming, running in circles and being not in the least bit helpful. Youko tripped him. Everybody else was just kind of staring at the fire with a startled look.

"Hadn't really expected that," Hiei said finally. "Put that out, Shadow."

"Yes, Master!" She jumped up and ran to the log, which was now totally engulfed in flames and burning like a furnace. "FLAMES! OBEY YOUR MASTER AND BE GONE!"

And they were.

But the second she turned her back, they exploded back full force. She screamed.

"I didn't do it!"

"I told you to put it out!"

"I did! They came back!"

"Well do it again!"

"FLAMES! OBEY YOUR MASTER AND BE GONE! AND _STAY GONE_!"

The flames were gone. Shadow turned her back, this time noticing a wicked smile on Hiei's face before the flames returned.

"YOU REQUIRE A SACRIFICE, DON'T YOU?" she shouted at the burning log. Darting over to Kuwabara, she flung him at the fire. "HAVE THIS UGLY HUNK OF FLESH!"

The flames extinguished before the boy hit the remains of the log, screaming like a girl. However, the log, in all its charred and ashy glory, was still hot as hell (figuratively speaking), and Kuwabara ended up with a big ol' burn on his chest where he landed on the hot ash.

"IT HURTS! IT HURTS! OH MY GOD IT HURTS SO BAD!"

"But the flames aren't coming back," Shadow said cheerfully.

"AHHHHHH!" Kuwabara continued to writhe and scream, not quite seeing the "obvious" benefits of his pain. Hiei snickered.

"The flames always could come back, though, you know... They're unpredictable forces."

Kuwabara stopped screaming instantly.

"That's better."

"But it hurts so BAD!" he whined.

"Here! Have some friggin' numbing stuff," Youko snapped, flinging a small jar at Kuwabara. "Good for burns. I've made a point of carrying it since I met Hiei. Shuuichi always has some with him too."

"It's empty!" Kuwabara screamed once he'd gotten the lid off.

"Really? Jeez, Yusuke," Youko said. But he sat down next to Hiei on the log, making no attempts to mend the situation.

"You're not gonna help me?" the boy whined after everyone else had also settled back into seats around the fire.

"I'm not your freaking personal paramedic!" Youko snapped. "Jeez!"

"See what I say about doing ningen favors?" Hiei asked.

"Yes, Hiei, no need to point it out, but it's not my fault the stupid kid expects Shuuichi's disposition from me."

"_Somebody_ has to help me, I can't fix this on my own!" he whined.

"Help him, Youko! Jeez, can't you see the poor kid is suffering?" Shadow reprimanded.

"And whose fault is it?"

"Hiei's!"

"Pardon me, Shadow!" Hiei said.

"I mean, it's, um, anyone's but Hiei's! I'm so sorry my great Lord and Master!"

"Good girl."

"You two are detestable..." Youko snarled, getting up and reaching into his hair for a seed as he crossed to Kuwabara.

"I thought you wouldn't help him?"

"Anything to get away from you."

Shadow snickered evilly.

And so, at this rate, Kuwabara had forgotten completely about dragging resolutions out of the remaining two unresolutionists. However, he remembered again around 11:00, when things had settled down and Shadow had refurbished their supply of marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers. She'd also brought out hot chocolate at Hiei's command, while he sat on his butt and discussed his 'happy' ningen life with Kurama (as in Shuuichi Minamino Kurama, who'd managed to beat down his Youko side and get control).

"Hey! You guys still didn't make resolutions!" the human boy exclaimed suddenly. Everyone looked at him. "Hiei and Eclipse! And you, too, Kurama. Youko did, but you didn't. I want you guys to make resolutions!"

"Fine!" Hiei said. "You want to know my resolution? I resolve to not kick your ass within the first week of the New Year. Happy? It's a resolution."

Kuwabara looked crushed, but he muttered, "Yeah, I guess it is... Eclipse?"

"I resolve to get over my skittishness of Hiei and Shadow's relationship, and start a relationship of my own to disgust _them_ with! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" the girl proclaimed proudly, hands on her hips.

"You can't disgust us," Shadow said. "At least, not me. I'm immune to disgust."

"We'll see," Eclipse replied, grinning maniacally.

"And you, Kurama?" Kuwabara asked. The redhead shrugged.

"Isn't it good enough Youko made one without my input?"

"Well... I guess, but..."

"Fine. I resolve to..." He dug in his pocket and pulled out a small slip of paper. "...to become more... active in my relationship?"

Hiei snatched the paper. "You idiot, that's a cookie fortune!"

"Yes, well. Does that satisfy you, Kuwabara?"

"What relationship?"

"I'm not specifying. That way, next year at this time, you can't accuse me of not fulfilling my resolution if I don't have a girlfriend at the time."

Kuwabara seemed displeased.

"I still think mine is the best!" Shadow sang.

"I don't," Hiei grumbled. Kurama smiled a bit.

"Celibacy surely can't hurt you, Hiei. You don't really strike me as a sexually active type to start with."

"But"

"But it's _me_," Shadow interrupted, "and how can he resist _me_? Youko hits on me, and he's _gay_!"

Inside Kurama's mind, the fox threw a fit. _"Make them stop saying that, Shuuichi!"_

"You're upsetting him," Kurama said. "Stop calling him gay. Calling him gay makes him sound like he'd get along well with Karasu."

"Karasu's bisexual," Shadow corrected. "Anyways, Hiei, you can remain celibate for a year, can't you? For me?"

"Yes, I can. I have for the past few years anyway."

"You haven't had sex in _years_?" Yusuke seemed amazed.

"I've never had sex, and neither have you, Yusuke," Shadow said. "Actually, of us all here, in our current forms, Hiei's the only one of us who _has_ had sex. Unless Eclipse has been keeping secrets..."

"NO!"

"Besides, Hiei..." Now Shadow slid off the log to sit next to Hiei on the ground, pressing herself against him. "The wait will make it all the more better, won't it?"

"DON'T KISS!" Eclipse shouted quickly before they could. "For once, when you see an opening, I want you to ignore it. You guys have been all over each other all night, and it's getting pretty darn tiresome."

"You don't have to watch, you know," Hiei retorted. The girl moved her mouth soundlessly. He had a point.

"You _have_ been a bit excessive," Kuwabara muttered.

"Oh my God! A big word from the baka! Let's have cake!" Shadow said excitedly, jumping up and running into the house. Hiei picked himself up off the ground and stared at the back door as it banged shut.

"How many cakes has that been tonight?"

"We've had three," Yusuke answered. "This will be the fourth."

"You'd think she'd get tired of baking cakes," Eclipse said. "I've never fixed anything more complex than a sandwich in my life... How the hell does she do it, Hiei?"

"What, make cakes? I dunno, there's instructions on the box... Cake mix, milk... eggs, maybe?" He smiled a bit to show he was teasing. Eclipse didn't catch on.

"You idiot! I was asking how the hell she managed to cook meals for you and her both and keep variety up and stuff, and you manage to actually _eat_ it!"

"Shadow's a really good cook," Hiei admitted. "I don't know how an idiot like her can cook without burning down the house, but she does, and like everything else she does, she does it well."

"I know something she doesn't do well," Kurama said. "Think."

"True enough... But look at it this way: She's good at _not_ thinking. She's good at being _stupid_. Granted, people don't see that as positive, but she has her moments."

"Was she thinking when she committed to a relationship with you?" Yusuke taunted.

"I wasn't," Hiei muttered. "Friggin' commitments."

"Oh my God! Hiei's going to start sounding like one of those frequently complaining husbands in Lifetime movies who end up beating and raping and murdering their wives!" Eclipse shrieked, hiding behind Yusuke. "Save us all!"

"_We_ don't need saved; _we're_ not his wife," the boy pointed out.

"True enough. Technically, neither is Shadow," Kurama said. "Though, wouldn't she make a good wife, Hiei?" He poked his friend. "Good cook, intelligent, she's got a way with words, she's beautiful, and apparently a very good kisser..."

"Shut up, Kurama."

"CAKE TIME!"

Shadow came zooming out to them with a cake held before her, plates and forks on her head, and a pitcher full of hot chocolate balanced on top of that.

"Rather awkward, isn't that?" Yusuke asked.

"You ridiculous girl," Hiei said, snatching the hot chocolate and plates and forks off her head.

"But you love me."

"Hn. You're still ridiculous, Shadow."

"I'm sorry. Want some cake?"

And so, they had cake. Kuwabara made them all promise not to talk about sex for the rest of the year, and reminded them that in other time zones, it was still yesterday. They were all baffled he knew what a time zone was, and agreed not to talk about sex for a while.

"So, when are you two gonna get married?" Yusuke asked, setting his plate aside.

"We're not," Hiei said flatly. "Marriage is a ningen custom. It means nothing to me."

"Ah, come on... She'd look wonderful in a wedding gown."

"She'd look good in nothing, but you don't see her prancing around naked, do you?"

"You sexist pig!" Shadow accused.

"I was kidding!"

"You evil man! You think I'm ugly!"

"What!"

"I'm not talking to you!"

"What? Shadow!"

"Nope! Don't hear you..."

"Ridiculous child!"

"It's just the wind..."

"Stop being stupid."

"The wind! Kaze kaze kaze! Who's Hiei? Never heard of him. I bet he's pretty stupid. All midgety and short-tempered, with weird hair and strange fashion sense. He probably has an obsession with weapons, and I read that if you meet a guy with a particular interest in weapons, you shouldn't be alone with him 'cause he'll rape you." She nodded. "But since Hiei's unstable in the mind, he might rape you in public. These are all assumptions, of course, I've never met somebody named Hiei. Hiei? Who's that? Does he like cake? I baked a cake, but I can't give it to him if I don't know him. What's he look like? I bet he'smmph!"

She rather abruptly found lips against hers, and they weren't all that gentle, either. Hiei pulled back.

"Oh, yeah! _Hiei_! I know him!" Shadow said excitedly. "He's hot."

"Ugh!" Yusuke whined. "Didn't they say something about keeping their hands off each other?"

"No," Kurama sighed. "But I wish they would..."

"You done with your cake, Hiei?" Shadow asked. "I recall a certain something that must be done." Her eyes darted to the trees nearby. Hiei nodded.

"I'm done."

"Let's go." She took his hand and led the way into the woods. Kuwabara let out another girly shriek.

"Guys! You can talk about sex! Come back! Don't go in the woods alone together! Somebody go with them! Ahhhh!"

"I'll go," Kurama offered, smiling. He got up and jogged to catch up with the couple, throwing his arms around their shoulders when he reached them. Both of them slipped out from under him and forced him to walk alongside if he was coming.

In the clearing, crickets chirped and the fire popped and burned merrily (fires truly enjoy burning, did you know that? There's nothing they'd rather do). Yusuke and Kuwabara looked at each other, then at Eclipse, who'd grabbed the cake pan and inhaled the remainder of the cake, and was now looking somewhat ill.

"So... What now?"

"We wait..." Eclipse said in an ominous voice. "WE WAIT FOR THEIR RETURN..." After a short, dramatic pause, she got up and started dancing like a small child, singing music to go with it. Yusuke and Kuwabara sweat dropped.

Meanwhile, in the woods, Shadow and the two demons were gathering up fireworks in their arms and carrying them to a more suitable launch site, i.e. her front yard. The other three were oblivious.

"Whose creative idea was this again, Shadow?" Kurama asked, eyeing the pile of explosives.

"Mine, of course!" she said cheerfully. "I'm the creative one of the two, aren't I?"

The redhead sighed heavily. "You're the psycho of the bunch..."

"Help me set 'em up. We've got twenty minutes until midnight."

"I don't really think... Ah, hell." If it blew up and all of them died, at least it wouldn't be a boring death. Not really the death he'd pictured for himself, but certainly not a boring death. Then again, he'd probably end up being the laughingstock of Tokyo... Shuuichi Minamino, teenage genius, died playing with EXTREMELY HAZARDOUS fireworks on New Years. Even a genius can be an idiot.

"You know you're not going to die; we don't even need to get near them to light them!" Shadow consoled cheerfully, patting him on the back. "Hiei can handle that."

"True enough," the fox muttered. And they went about the task of setting up their fireworks display. Meanwhile, in the backyard, Eclipse was being grilled.

"So your resolution was to get a boyfriend, right?" Yusuke asked.

"Yeah. Just because I want to bother those two lovebird pyromaniacs as much as they're bothering me."

"Does it really bother you that much?"

"Yes! They're disgusting."

"Not really. It's kinda interesting, if you ask me."

"Interesting! Ha!"

"So who have you got your eyes on?"

"What?"

"For your boyfriend."

"I don't know." She turned slightly pink, but the firelight covered it.

"Somebody we know?"

"Maybe. I don't know all your aquaintances."

"It's not Kurama, is it?"

"**NO!**"

Both boys stared, startled by the ferocity of her response.

"Yes it is," Yusuke said, relaxing from his surprise.

"No it's not!"

"Yeah it is..." Kuwabara said, grinning.

"No it's not!"

"Look how she's turning red!" Yusuke taunted. He, of course, couldn't see that she was turning red, but she didn't realize that.

"I'm just warm! The fire and all, y'know. It's not Kurama."

"Warm my shoe! I can't even see if you're red or not! You just admitted it! That's the funniest thing in the world! It's Kurama! HEY KUmmph!"

"It's not Kurama! IGNORE ANYTHING HE SAYS TO YOU, FOX! HE'S LYING!"

Back at the fireworks, Kurama stared towards the backyard. "They don't even know we're up here. Why're they yelling?"

"Who knows. Who cares," Hiei said.

"GET BACK TO WORK," Shadow ordered. Kurama groaned.

"Slavedriver," he muttered. She threw a clump of soil at him and hit him in the head. "Ow!"

When they finished, they returned to the fire to find Kuwabara and Yusuke both unconscious and gagged on the ground, and Eclipse casually eating crackers.

"What... happened?" Kurama asked.

"Happened?" Eclipse asked, mocking confusion. "Oh! You mean that? They were, um... Attacked by Karasu. Yeah. He lives around here, doesn't he?"

Kurama shuddered. "Yes, but that's not why they're laying on the ground gagged. He hasn't been here for some time."

"I could change that," Shadow said, pulling a cell phone out of Hiei's pocket (Hiei has a cell phone?). "I know where he's currently taking up residence!"

"You mean he's not in the woods anymore?"

"At the moment he's living with that slut Hiei had to go to that rave with. They, um... met up after we left."

Kurama stared in horror. "Koenma has nothing to say about that?"

Shadow shrugged. "I dunno. He probably doesn't even know. You know children are irresponsible little things. Anyways, try to wake up those two, I've got something to do." She darted inside. Hiei stared after her, confused and curious, while Kurama stared at the two unconscious boys with an utterly baffled look on his face. Something of importance had probably just been said and he'd missed it.

About five minutes later, loud voices were heard, startling the rest of the group. Kurama quickly identified it as a radio or television broadcast.

"Then why's it so loud?" Hiei snapped.

"That was me!" Shadow said cheerfully from behind him, waving. He jumped.

"What'd you do?"

"I hooked it up to big ol' speakers and put them in the windows so we can hear the countdown to midnight!"

"Good idea!" Eclipse cheered. "Aren't you brilliant?"

"Yes I am!"

"Hey, by the way, is Hiei still your Lord and Master or has he forgiven you for that little... whatever the hell you did earlier?"

"Hiei's _always_ my Lord and Master, Eclipse," Shadow said patiently, as if to a child.

"She's forgiven," Hiei told them.

"But if he asks something of me, I'll still consider doing it," the girl pointed out.

"Just consider?" Kurama asked. "That's a surprise."

"She'll do it," Eclipse sighed. "Because she's all creepy now and probably has some kind of creepy ritual at nights where she does erotic dances and icky stuff like that for Hiei to get off."

Boom.

"**I HATE YOU!**"

A few seconds later, Eclipse joined her still-unconscious victims on the ground. Shadow kicked her unconscious body a few times. Kurama pulled out a party favor and blew it, if at all possible, sarcastically.

"Happy New Year," he said sarcastically.

"They'll wake up for the last few minutes of the year," Shadow assured him. "Don't worry."

"It already is the last few minutes of the year," Hiei pointed out as the souped-up radio announced that it was 1 minute and 30 seconds from the new year.

"Oh! They'll wake up any minute now!" She struck a variety of poses, threw ash over their unconscious bodies, then bowed towards them. "Now we wait!"

And sure enough, at 30 seconds to midnight, all three were up, and cowering away from their various tormentors.

"Ten," the radio announced. "Nine..."

"Eight," Shadow took up the count. "Seven."

"Six..." Eclipse said.

"Five!" Shadow announced.

"Four," Eclipse continued.

"Three." Tension hung in the air.

"Two." Hiei drew Shadow closer to him.

"One." Everyone was staring at the house, at the speakers in the windows.

"**HAPPY NEW YEAR!**" blared over the radio. Shadow and Hiei kissed. The other four let out whoops and cheers as the fireworks in the front yard were triggered and sent into the sky (via slightly long distance energy triggers courtesy Hiei).

The group gazed at the firework display, smiling. Bright colors lit the sky all over Tokyo. It was the New Year, and with it came new opportunities. This was hardly in the front of Shadow's mind. Firework display complete, she was the one to break the silence.

"I have spots in front of my eyes," she muttered. Eclipse snorted to suppress laughter. Hiei sighed, smiling a bit and shaking his head.

"Brilliant, Shadow," Kurama muttered.

"And I suppose you had some great profound line worked up in your mind to break the silence, didn't you?" Hiei taunted. "It'd be so like you."

The redhead shrugged and sat down next to Eclipse. "Too late now."

"Happy New Year all the same."

"Yes. Happy New Year."

* * *

I liked this chapter... I didn't remember most of it... I never reread my chapters after I finish them, until I'm gonna post them, and by then I've forgotten everything, so it's like reading a whole new story! It's great! 

**OH GREAT DICTIONARY OF TERMS OF TRANSLATEDNESS:**

**CHAPTER ONE**

**Makai-** demon world

**n****ingen-** human

**baka-** stupid, idiot

**Kawaii kaeru desu ka-** Is it a cute frog?

**ja mata-** See ya! (casual, used only with friends and people you know well)

**Okaasan-** Mother (formal, respectful form, **must** be used when referring to another person's mother)

**hai-** yes

**konnichi wa- **good afternoon

**Hajimemashite-** Nice to meet you.

**iie-** no

**Arigatou-** thank you (casual)

**Sayonara-** good bye (formal)

**CHAPTER TWO**

**Moshi moshi-** This is how you answer a telephone in Japan... Far as I know, that's the only time it's used...

**CHAPTER THREE**

**Doumo arigatou gozaimasu-** thank you (formal... gozaimasu makes a lot of things more polite)

**Ja mata ne-** See you later!

**Konban wa-** Good evening.

**Minna-san wa o-genki desu ka-** This is pretty much asking, "How is everyone?" It's how my teacher greets her classes... "Seito no minna-san wa o-genki desu ka?" ('Seito no minna-san wa' would just be addressing all students... seito isstudent

**CHAPTER FOUR**

**tantei-** detective

**sensei-** teacher

**Gomen nasai-** I'm sorry.

**shinkansen-** bullet train

**ohayou gozaimasu-** Good morning (formal/polite)

**Nani?-** what?

**Ninjutsu-** a form of martial arts used by ninja

**Ningenkai-** Human world

**C****HAPTER FIVE**

**bokken-** wooden practice sword

**CHAPTER SIX**

**obake-** ghost(s)

**soba-** I believe soba is/are noodles of some sort...

**osushi-** sushi... with an O at the beginning cuz that's how my teacher says it sometimes (these two were used in Shadow's line "I am the famed Jedi Master Soba-kwan Osushi. Maybe it's funnier now?)

**kitanai-** messy, dirty

**ki-** energy... it's not really Japanese, I don't think, it's just a term... sometimes known as 'Chi.'

**chibi-** this translates to something like miniature/little/child... that doesn't really matter; I assume you've seen chibi Hiei before?

**Inari-** Shinto God of Harvest. Foxes are his messangers. Inari is sometimes pictured as a fox.

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

**Reikai tantei-** Spirit World detective

**Raizen-** not a raisin. This is Yusuke's demon ancestor, if you didn't know.

**gomen-** sorry

**Reikai-** Spirit World

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

**kokugo-** native language (It'd be Japanese class)

**Ohayou-** good morning (casual)

**kitsune-** fox

**CHAPTER NINE**

**Reiken-** Spirit Sword

**youki-** demon energy

**CHAPTER TEN**

**Mouken Kyoukan-** According to an online dictionary: mouken means 'savage dog' and kyouk**e**n means 'mad dog' and I just realized I've been spelling that wrong through whole story so far! Wow! I ought to fix that.

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

**manga-** Japanese comic books

**Aishite'ru-** I love you.

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

**kagerou-** dragonfly

**oni-** literally 'demon', but these, by description in myths, are the ogres found running around Koenma's castle. Things like Hiei, Yukina, and Youko Kurama are called _**youkai**_, which is 'apparition.'

**koishii-** dear, beloved

**Yariman-** slut

**koi-** short for koishii... also a kind of fish, but that's not how it's used in my story... Unless Hiei and Shadow are really fish in disguise and are trying to tell me something...

**osokunatte sumimasen-** this is an apology for being late to class... I wasn't paying attention in class so I'm not sure if I should know the exact translation or not...

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

**hanabi-** fireworks (hana meansflower, bi is one of the many words that means fire)

**Hadaka no Tsukiai-** Naked companionship. It's the custom Japanese used to/still do observe... People clean outside the tub, then get in the warm water in a deep tub... It's like... quality family time... if you happen to be a family... there were community bathing places all over the place, but from what I understand, times are changing and less and less people want to be in a pool with other naked strangers... This particular custom makes me disgusted.

**kaze-** wind


	14. Bets

**(4-12-05) Finally! Another chapter! Sorry I didn't update. I have excuses, though.  
Thursday, 4-7:** I remembered, then I forgot.  
**Friday, 4-8:** I wasn't home from 4:00 to 8:00 after school. Then, I forgot. Then, I remembered and fell asleep in front of the computer.  
**Saturday, 4-9:** I wasn't home from 11:00 AM to 9:30 PM. Then, I was so tired I felt sick. So I didn't even stay up to watch Inuyasha.  
**Sunday, 4-10:** I had homework.  
**Monday, 4-11:** I came home from school, watched most of The Last Samurai, then I went to the mall in the middle of it, got home around 8:30, called Eclipse, didn't get on the computer until about 9:00, that gave me an hour and I spent part of that dancing to reggae on some music channel on TV.  
**And today,** I'm home sick from school and manage to get it posted. Yay. Be grateful! I choked up my lung and died! And I still got this posted! I have 354 reviews now, I think... Yay! But look! I've been trying to post this, so I haven't WRITTEN anything to this story in four days!  
**Oh, just to warn you, Arisa says something icky in this chapter...**

**And, I got more Gravitation manga! Yay!Shuichi dressed up in a schoolgirl uniform... Creepy.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN  
**Bets

Hiei awoke to sunlight on his face. He opened his eyes and squinted at the window, then rolled over grumpily, calculating the time by the sun. When he opened his eyes to check with the ningen clock (even though he knew he was correct), he nodded mentally but didn't react to that.

Precisely 11:46 AM.

Shadow was snoozing quietly beside him, probably in the throes of some crazy dream. He could hear people downstairs. Everyone else was already up.

Wait, _11:46?_

He was out of bed in a second, and downstairs ten seconds later. Everyone looked up from their jolly conversation and only Kurama supressed laughter. Hiei quirked an eyebrow.

"What's so funny?" he snapped.

"We were just wondering where you were," Yusuke choked.

"Yeah... What kept you in bed so long, Hiei?" Eclipse taunted.

"Where's Shadow? Or is she more exhausted than you?" the boy asked. Hiei's eyebrow twitched, he turned around, and left the room.

"No, Hiei, come back! We're kidding!"

"Yeah! You're exhausted from all this stress from two jobs," Yusuke consoled, getting up and putting his arm around Hiei's shoulder. "I can understand and sympathize with that... Your bosses are idiots and you have to obey them to fit into ningen society, to keep out of prison, and to keep yourself out of government experiments."

"I'd almost believe you sort of cared, Yusuke, if it weren't for the look on Kurama's face," Hiei snapped. "You don't give to shits if I have to obey inferior ningens or have a crapload of stress building up on me. You wouldn't care if I was abducted by aliens and had things shoved up my ass."

Yusuke started to say something, but just burst into hysterical laughing fits again, leaning on Hiei heavily to keep from falling. The little demon growled and moved out from under his teammate, letting the boy fall to the floor with a thud.

"Let me guess, you were discussing my sexual orientation, too?" he snapped, looking around at the others as they laughed.

"I'm a victim here too, Hiei," Kurama said. "I tried to defend you."

"Fine. I'm going to go change and I expect you all to be acting like halfway civilized idiots when I come back," the fire demon snapped. He went upstairs. Yusuke rolled over and looked up at the ceiling, working on regaining his composure.

"We're really too cruel to that guy," he said, a huge smile on his face. "Now what do you want to bet that when he comes back down, Shadow's with him?"

"And they're holding hands, or they kiss in the first five minutes they're down here," Eclipse added. Yusuke dug in his pockets.

"I'll give you... a pack of gum and some tic-tacs if they are."

The girl regarded him with a frown.

"What? It's all I got on me!"

"Well then think of something better."

"I'll... um... I'll get you a free meal at the Yukimura's Ramen House, how's that?"

"Alright! And if they aren't, well, we'll discuss that later, since they will be, and they will kiss, and so I get a free meal at the ramen house! Woohoo!" She did a happy dance. Kurama sighed heavily. Poor Hiei.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Hiei returned to his and Shadow's bedroom. He gathered some clothes off the floor and started to leave the room when Shadow herself came rocketting out of the bed and landed on his back.

"Oh, God, Shadow!" he cried. His voice reached the people downstairs and instantly all ears (even Kurama's, despite how he tried to hide it) were strained to hear any more.

"You can't wear those clothes, they're dirty," she said, her arms wrapped around his neck, her lips next to his ear.

"They're not dirty, I wore them once."

"They're dirty. Just because you don't want to make an extra trip up some stairs doesn't make them any cleaner. Your clean clothes are in the closet."

"What?"

"I moved them from your room."

"When?"

"Last night, when I was on a creepy cleaning spree. Now go get clean clothes and get dressed." She lowered her voice. "Want to pull a prank on the guys downstairs?"

He turned his head and she spoke directly in his ear.

"They heard you when I jumped on you. They're all listening. Let's do something to make their imaginations go so that they'll give us those stupid looks when we go downstairs acting like nothing happened. They'll leave us alone."

"Like what?"

"Oh, you know." She spun him around and kissed him. "Just something."

"Something sounds fine," he said. She grinned.

Downstairs, this is all they heard:

The trigger. "Oh, God, Shadow!"

They all strained their ears. There was some normal-pitched conversation, incomprehensible to them. Yusuke slunk over to sit on the bottom step, and Eclipse was already a couple steps up. A short, very short silence, then, "Oh, GOD! Hiei! Stop!"

Eclipse and Yusuke looked at each other and listened to Hiei's response.

"No, koishii. You know you don't want me to."

"Oh, God, stop it, stop it!" A cry of what was apparently pleasure, followed by more cries for Hiei to stop whatever torture he was inflicting on the girl. Yusuke and Eclipse had wide eyes already, but when Shadow's tone changed, the eyes threatened to pop from their sockets.

"Oh, God, yes... Right there... Mmmm..."

Eclipse let out a strangled, gargling noise that would have been interpreted as utter horror had anyone heard it over Shadow's sudden squeal of... pleasure? Surprise?

Kurama, meanwhile, was trying desperately to fascinate himself with a picture that hung on the wall, and had hung on the wall for the past year and a half, and would probably continue hanging on the wall even though nobody ever came in the house and the only people who would ever see it had looked at it fifty thousand times. He was fairly sure the couple was joking, but there was no way to be sure. Well, there was one way. Ignoring everything that told him not to, he got up.

"Shadow, what are you doing?" came Hiei's startled voice from upstairs. Kurama slipped past the pair on the steps and slunk upstairs silently, using skills only a master thief like him could have. Pausing outside the bedroom door, the very _open_ bedroom door, he listened to a whisper which even he could barely make out.

"The fox knows," Hiei whispered to Shadow. His eyes darted to the door.

"Oh? Oh..."

Kurama, with a grin, backtracked a smidgen and walked down the hall more normally, coming to their door and peering in curiously. He let out a startled cry.

"Oh my GOD!"

In truth, the couple was merely lying on the bed, side by side, barely even touching each other, and still fully clothed (minus Hiei's shirt, and if Shadow's pajamas could be considered clothes... The fox still couldn't believe she trusted Hiei enough to sleep in the same bed as him with that outfit on. Good thing Hiei truly _wasn't_ anything like Youko, or Shadow would have long ago been robbed of her virginity).

Having heard the fox on his second approach, Shadow knew exactly what she was gonna do if he played along, and therefore there was no startled pause to give them away to the audience downstairs. She let out a scream and an "OH MY GOD, KURAMA!"

Downstairs, Eclipse had had enough. She let out another gargle-choke-scream noise and covered her ears.

"What are you _doing?_" Kurama continued in his baffled, horrified voice. In addition to being a thief, he was a good actor. Apparently, so were both Shadow and Hiei... except Shadow was an act_ress_ but that's beside my point.

"What are _you_ doing!" Hiei snapped.

"I was walking! In the hall! Last time I checked, you didn't forbid that!"

"Well surely you could tell we wanted some privacy!" Shadow snapped.

"IF YOU WANTED PRIVACY, WHY WAS YOUR DOOR HANGING OPEN LIKE THAT?"

"This is our house! We should be able to have privacy with an open door!" Shadow yelled. Everybody paused, and even Eclipse reflected on how stupid that sounded.

"Well when you invite people into your house, shutting the door would be the best solution," Kurama advised. "Now... Make yourselves presentable and get downstairs. I can't believe I have to babysit you to keep you from acting up when you have company." He turned to leave, flashing a grin at them over his shoulder before vanishing down the hall. Shadow rolled over, grinning at Hiei. His eyes darted around to her arms on either side of him and her knees on either side of him, and then he relaxed a bit and looked up at her.

"Yes, koi?"

"Happy New Year. Again."

Bet you can't guess what they did then? We'll leave them alone for a bit. :D

When Kurama returned downstairs, Yusuke was on him in a second.

"What were they doing? I want all the details!"

Kurama chuckled. "You're like a schoolgirl, Yusuke."

"Were they naked?"

"Yes, Yusuke, they were naked."

"OH MY GOD, YOU SAW HIEI NAKED!"

And back in the bedroom, Hiei nearly choked. Shadow sat back and stared at the door.

"You're not naked, are you?" she asked, looking at him and grabbing the cloth of his pants to make sure it was real.

"No, and neither are you."

"Then..."

"Kurama must've said something," Hiei muttered. "Now they're gonna think we were having sex."

"Kuwabara will accuse me of being a pansy who can't uphold my New Year's resolution for more than eleven hours."

"Who gives a shit what Kuwabara thinks?"

"Who gives a shit what any of them think?"

"Good point," Hiei muttered. He pulled off some tricky move that landed Shadow on her back on the bed and him straddling her, pinning her hands above her head.

"Oh my," she said with fake concern. "However shall I get out of this turrible predicament?"

God... They're just... Ugh. Perverts.

"I can't believe Shadow couldn't even wait _twelve hours_ to break her New Year's resolution!" Kuwabara was whining. "I can't believe Shorty was gonna have sex with her!"

"While we're here," Kurama reminded dryly. After thirty seconds, he'd given up on convincing them he was joking. They were dead set on the idea he'd sarcastically and accidentally put in their minds.

"While we're HERE! With their bedroom DOOR open!" the human continued.

"You know I was joking, right?" Kurama tried again.

"So who was on top?" Yusuke asked. The redhead groaned. This was hopeless.

Around twelve thirty, when a certain demon couple appeared downstairs, showered and presentable and _not_ holding hands, everybody was indeed giving them funny looks. They all stared at each other for a while, Kurama staring at the ground rather than looking around awkwardly, until finally Shadow broke the silence.

"Hi guys. You're looking at us like we're some kind of radioactive hamster hybrid crossed with a six-toed sloth."

"Now that would make for an interesting science project," Kurama said, getting up and leaving.

"I'm gonna make breakfast. Anybody hungry?" Shadow said.

"Breakfast is a morning meal," Yusuke said flatly. "You guys didn't drag yourselves up after whatever the hell you were doing up there until afternoon. So make lunch."

"You bossy fish turd! Get out of my house!" Shadow yelled, pointing at the door.

"No way! We can't leave you alone! God knows what you'll do! God knows what you've _already_ done! You _did_ go to bed before the rest of us... Shadow falling asleep on Hiei like that... It was cute at the time, but now I'm suspicious."

"You would be, Yusuke," Hiei said flatly. "You know we were just joking with all that yelling and stuff, right?"

"Suuuure you were."

"We were," Shadow said.

"They were," Kurama added.

"Stay out of this, fox-boy! You're on their side!"

Kurama silenced, his shoulders slouching a bit.

"You know there's only one way to settle this, right?" Yusuke snapped.

"Pregnancy test!" Shadow cheered.

"No, and that wouldn't prove anything anyway," the boy said. "No, I was talking about a _man's_ way to settle this."

Hiei and Kurama both looked a bit startled, but Kuwabara nodded.

"I like my way better," Shadow muttered. "Oh, but do continue, Yusuke."

"As I was saying, there's only one way to settle this. Through a trial of blood and sweat and grit... A true test of manhood!"

Shadow gagged to keep from laughing.

"You want to fight me to prove whether I had sex with Shadow or not?" Hiei asked incredulously.

"No way, man! I'd whip you! I'm talking about _paintball_! Which I'll also whip you at."

Everyone in the room but Yusuke and Kuwabara fell over and lay there twitching for a good half a minute.

"Paintball?" Kurama finally questioned, dragging himself to his feet with the couch's assistance. "How is paintball going to settle this? What is there to _settle_?"

"Whether or not I can whip Hiei's ass at paintball!"

"And how is this going to benefit anybody?" Hiei asked.

"Well, if I can whip your ass, that just goes to show I _am_ better than you. If you win, however, it goes to show that you're better than all of us because you can even kick ass at a ningen game you have next-to-no experience with!"

Hiei nodded. "Okay. And why are we doing this again?"

"I just told you! It's the man's way to settle our little dispute without actually killing each other!"

"And... what was our dispute?"

"Whether or not you and Shadow deserve to be together!" Yusuke grabbed Shadow and held her by her arm. "She's my hostage!"

"What the fuck, Yusuke!" Shadow snapped. "You're gonna hold me 'hostage' for a game of paintball?"

"Yes!"

"I think the only reason you aren't challenging me to a good old fashioned fistfight is because you know I'm better than you," Hiei snapped. "Get your hands off Shadow."

"I think the only reason you're so stuck on a fistfight is because you know I'll whip you at paintball!"

"And what if you do?" Hiei asked. "You're holding Shadow 'hostage.' What good is that doing you? If you win, what, are you going to screw her?"

"Hell no, man! I got a girlfriend!"

"Then why don't you just tell me to play paintball and pretend you never did something as stupid as... 'holding her hostage'..."

"You worried about her?" Yusuke taunted. "You seem like it! You're fretting! Nobody can tell, but you are! Inside, you're just writhing and screaming and wanting to beat the hell out of me, aren't you! I dared to touch your beloved girlfriend! You will whip my ass at this stupid ningen game called paintball!"

Hiei groaned. "Fine! I'll play your stupid paintball! Are you going to drag Shadow around until you lose now?"

"Maybe. Will it make you more determined to whip my ass at paintball?"

"Yusuke, if you haul her around like she's really your hostage, I won't wait until paintball to whip your ass. I have a sword and you have several very vulnerable places. Hell, I could even hit them with a kitchen knife!"

Yusuke laughed. "Sure you could! Paintball! Tomorrow! Or you'll never see Shadow again! MUWAHAHAHA!" He made as if to drag her off, and she spun and kneed him in the crotch. He bit his lip to keep silent, and she made her dignified return to Hiei, at which time they did _not_ kiss.

"C'mon, Kuwabara," Yusuke gagged. "We've got planning." He grabbed his big stupid friend's collar and dragged him off with as much dignity as a man in his condition could muster.

The other four watched them go. There was silence for a minute.

"Is that offer on breakfast still open?" Eclipse asked.

"Well, before all that, weren't you on their side?"

"You didn't have sex, did you?"

"No, we'd still be up there if we were having sex," Hiei said. "Believe me."

"Then I'm on your side. Can you fix me breakfast now?"

Kurama didn't even bother pointing out that he'd fixed breakfast, that she'd already eaten. One thing he'd learned about this girl was that her appetite was insatiable... Unless you tried to feed her asparagus (or similar creepy food) or she ate until she was at the bursting point.

"Fine," Shadow sighed. "What do you want?"

"FOOD!"

The black-haired girl looked to Hiei. He shrugged.

"Whatever you wanna make."

"Kurama, do you want anything, and please be more helpful!" Shadow pleaded.

"I already ate breakfast. But you could make me lunch if you want?"

The girl groaned. "Fine, since you're such a nice person and all, I guess I can."

"Thank you," the fox said sweetly. Shadow left. Kurama looked at Hiei, grinning.

"She's something alright. Lucky you."

"Yeah, lucky me," Hiei said, not sounding too happy.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing... Nothing at all."

"Yusuke?"

"Yusuke's stupid."

"Hm. Relationship problems?"

"I don't have any relationship problems. Not with Shadow."

"Then that's your problem! When's the last time you really got mad at Shadow?"

"What's wrong with you, fox!"

"Answer the question."

"I don't remember!"

"Okay, and when's the last time we sparred?"

"Ha! It's been months. Stupid fox."

"And have you had any good vent for your anger at all over the past few months?"

"Ningen criminals."

Kurama smirked. "We're sparring after lunch."

"Breakfast."

"Lunch. It's nearly 1:00. It's lunch. Just because you're having--" He sniffed the air. "--eggs and bacon doesn't make it breakfast. Speaking of ningen criminals, how's that job going?"

"Same as my other one. I'm having problems not killing my stupid ningen 'boss.' And most of the female officers are always hitting on me."

Kurama snorted. "It's understandable. Do you tell them you're taken?"

"No, I glare, and if they persist, I tell them to go get hit by a bus."

"Do you really!"

"Yes I do."

The fox shook his head. "Poor ladies. You really do have a way with women, don't you?"

Hiei didn't even bother with a response.

"Well, we'll spar here shortly. It'll do us both good."

"Except that you'll be in terrible condition for paintball tomorrow," Shadow said, appearing next to Hiei and Kurama with a skillet in her hand. "Your breakfast's ready, koishii."

Eclipse gasped. "I just remembered my bet with Yusuke! I lost!"

"What bet?" two voices snapped at once. The girl's eyes widened and she rather abruptly vanished to her favorite refuge: under the couch.

"What bet?" Hiei and Shadow repeated, turning on Kurama.

"Why, I have no earthly clue!" the fox lied innocently.

"Neither of you get any food. Yours is on the table, Hiei."

"No food!" Eclipse squeaked, peering out from under the couch at them. "I... um... I bet Yusuke that you'd come downstairs holding hands and kiss in the first ten minutes you were down here, but that was before you did the whole... mock sex shouts thing."

"Ah! Well that's not an entirely unreasonable bet," Shadow chirped. "We did that upstairs, though. Kissed, I mean."

"Ah. Can I have food now?"

"Sure!"

"Yes!" Eclipse was out in the open a second later, and Shadow slammed her across the head with the frying pan.

"YOU BASTARD! YOU MAKE BETS ON ME AND HIEI! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! YOU BASTARD!" She knocked her over the head a couple more times before sighing with relief. "I feel better now!"

"Well we all know where Shadow's anger is going to," Hiei muttered.

"What anger? I don't get angry and you know it," she replied cheerfully. "Your breakfast's getting cold."

"Right." Hiei made his way to the dining room, where his breakfast awaited him.

About an hour later, out in the middle of the woods, Hiei and Kurama stood across from each other, preparing to attack.

"The first move is yours, Hiei."

"Your first mistake." Hiei attacked. He didn't have some pansy wooden sword, either. He and Kurama were using their customary battle weapons. The round was over when one had the other in checkmate (to use chess terms, since my brain doesn't work for... normal terms).

Shadow and Eclipse were perched in spectator seats in a nearby tree. The former held her trusty camera, the latter, a first aid kit.

"Now, which one of us cares more about our friends?" Eclipse asked accusingly.

"Neither. That kit was Kurama's insistance. Recall all your whining about simply carrying the thing?" Shadow asked.

"Why'd you bring your camera?"

"Fickle subject-changing monkey-brained... It's for my social studies project."

"Oh. I haven't started that. How is this going to help you?"

"I'm doing healthcare and prison systems."

"Healthcare? How is this helping you with either of those?"

"The prisons will be taken care of tomorrow. This is healthcare slash economy."

"Economy? You know, Shadow, you were supposed to pick only one."

"Who cares." Looking down into the clearing just in time to see Hiei win the first round, she let out a whoop. "AND YOU'RE ONLY A LITTLE BLEEDY!"

"Ready for round two?" Hiei asked.

"Whenever you are, Hiei."

They repositioned themselves to start. Kurama made the first move this time, lashing his whip out at Hiei. By the time the snap echoed in the air, Hiei was no longer there. Kurama spun around in time to dodge and block an assault from his right.

Some time later, the two exhausted demons called it quits, both of them looking satisfied. Hiei sat on the ground, then flopped back and lay spread-eagle in the grass. Shadow jumped out of her tree and bounced over to him, camera in hand.

"Wow, you look pretty crappy, Hiei," she said. "How is your healthcare gonna cover this?"

"Healthcare? What are you talking a-- Hey! Hey, turn that damned thing off!"

"Can't! It's for social studies!"

"What's this got to do with social studies?" he snapped, jumping up.

"It's healthcare! You're injured! How is your healthcare going to cover this?"

"I don't _have_ healthcare. I don't need it, anyways."

"I don't know how it works, but you probably have to pay money for it, and god forbid we do that, right?" Shadow pointed out. "We're broke as it is."

"Hey Shadow!" Eclipse came running over to her. "You probably shouldn't film him shirtless if you're going to show this to the entire social studies class."

"What?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"Oh! You mean his stunning sexiness! I never thought of that. Yeah, that might pose a problem."

"So turn off the damned camera," Hiei pointed out.

"Your foul mouth might pose a problem too."

"Then turn off the stupid camera!"

"But I need to film it for social studies!"

"Turn it off! Or film someone else!" He gestured to his left. Shadow turned the camera, then yelped and returned its focus to the fire demon.

"Him? God, no, Hiei! If I film the great Shuuichi Minamino in that condition, why, I'm bound to be accused of kidnapping and beating and raping him!"

"I don't look _that_ bad, do I?" Kurama asked. Shadow turned the camera and focused it on him, panned over him, then shook her head.

"No, you don't look like you've been kidnapped. You do look incredibly sexy, though."

"Doesn't he always, though?" Eclipse pointed out.

"Ah. Yes. True enough. Isn't that true, Hiei?" Shadow returned the camera to him.

"YOU'RE NOT DOING SOCIAL STUDIES ANYMORE!" he snapped.

"Yes I am. What else would I be doing?"

"You're showing off that you can be around two attractive shirtless men without swooning and passing out, like most girls would be doing right now," Kurama said.

"WRONG! I'm showing off that I have the _privelege_ to be around two hot half-naked guys and nobody else does."

"I do," Eclipse said.

"You don't count."

"You know Okibi-sensei might drop my grade some for showing up on your tape in... less-than-decent condition," Kurama noted suddenly.

"Nah. He'll drop mine because I forced you to be on my tape like this. Then again, since we're in a group, I guess it's yours too. Now, what are _you_ going to do about the healthcare after your horrible injuries?"

"I don't need healthcare for this, Shadow. These are nothing home remedies can't fix."

"Home remedies my ass," the girl muttered.

"Hey! And you were complaining about _my_ language!" Hiei snapped.

"Shut up! Put on a shirt!"

"Turn off your camera, Shadow, before I break it."

"You wouldn't. Then you'd have to use up all your precious money to buy me a new one."

"But I wouldn't. Now turn it off."

"No."

"Shadow!" He wrestled it off her and turned it off. She grinned, taking it back and looking Hiei over.

"You really do look hot after you fight."

"Well, I appreciate the--mmph!" _Oh, I definitely appreciate this a lot more._ Shadow held him close, but gently due to his wounds, as she kissed him.

"My God, I think they went an hour without touching each other," Eclipse said.

"Yes, I think it's a record," Kurama added. "They're certainly making up for it now, though... Aren't you glad they're so open about their relationship around us?"

"Not really... I'm getting kind of sick of seeing that stuff... I'll never watch another romance movie in my life. Not that I ever have up to this point or anything."

"Of course not, Eclipse."

The fire demons broke for breath and Kurama managed to pry them apart.

"Can't you at least wait until Hiei's wounds are treated?"

"Ah, yes, his terrible bloody injuries... You didn't put any creepy stuff in them with your whip, did you?"

"What! Why would I? What would I put in him?"

"Aa... Something to sterelize him! So there will never be baby Hiei's!"

Kurama sighed, looking to Hiei. "You want Shadow to tend your wounds, I assume?"

"I want to go home," Hiei answered. And he turned and started home. With a sigh, Kurama followed, the two girls on his heels.

"You know... Just curious, but can't you and Shadow find other ways to show your affection for each other without kissing?"

Hiei looked up at him curiously. "Are you jealous, or disgusted?"

"Neither, Hiei. I said I was curious."

"I'm sure we can, but kissing is the preferred method."

"Ah. Well... Can't you like, hold hands, or hug or something?"

"Yeah, we can do that."

"Then why don't you?"

"We do."

"I've never seen it..." the fox muttered.

"Shadow," Hiei summoned. She was at his side in a second.

"Yes?"

Hiei took her hand. "See, fox? Holding hands. We're capable."

"Good! Now lay off the kissing!" Eclipse chirped.

"You'll understand if you get a boyfriend half as good as Hiei," Shadow retorted.

"I'll bet that you can't go two hours without kissing," Kurama challenged.

"Define kissing, Kurama. Would that be a kiss with lips on lips and tongues in mouths, or just a kiss on the cheek, or just a gentle little kiss on the lips..."

"I mean one of those really intimate, frantic kisses you were getting into a few minutes ago," he specified. "And anything involving tongues."

"Oh. Think we can do it, Hiei?" Shadow asked.

"Of course we can. But how will we benefit, Kurama?"

Kurama thought for a minute. "I'll get you reservations at that really romantic restaurant you went to on Shadow's birthday last year."

"What! Kurama, two hours?" Eclipse yelped. "You're going to get them reservations _there_ and all you're asking is two hours of no tongues? I think that deserves at least six!"

"Six? Come on!" Shadow complained. "We go that long every day! Hiei goes to the police station and that leaves me either alone at home or there to sit and merely gaze at him so he doesn't get in trouble with Kyoukan's new no-touching law that only applies to us."

"Yes, Shadow, but aren't you usually asleep while he's at work?"

"Sometimes... Actually, rarely... You know very well I typically do that in school."

Kurama sighed. "Your grades are gonna start slipping, Shadow."

"Like I care. Now, are you going to revise your bet or what?"

"Four hours," Eclipse challenged. "If you can keep your tongues in your own mouths for four full hours under our surveilence, we'll get you guys a reservation at that place."

Hiei and Shadow looked at each other.

"Fine," Hiei agreed. Kurama smiled.

"Very good! It starts now!"

"So, what time is it now...?" Shadow asked. She looked at her wrist. "About three hairs past that freckle. Very good. So, at about six thirty or seven o'clock, then?"

"Fine. You'll be watched or apart from each other the entire time," Kurama said. "I bet you can't do it." But in truth, he knew very well that both of them could.

"Sure, whatever." The group left the forest, Hiei and Shadow hand-in-hand and in the lead, Hiei shirtless (he'd taken his shirt off voluntarily) and Kurama... shirtless as well. After Hiei's sword had ripped through the fabric multiple times, he'd also taken his shirt off voluntarily. It would be a lie to say that some of their fight hadn't been for show. It would also be a lie to say that their spectators had not realized it, but still enjoyed it anyways.

None of them paid much attention to the car parked across the road. Why should they? It was nothing unusual.

"Now... What to do to pass the time since we can't have our hands all over each other..." Shadow mused, looking around.

"Let's watch a mushy love movie!" Eclipse suggested. "That way, you guys's minds will be stuck on love and kissing and you'll have a majorly hard time resisting having your tongues down each others throats!"

"My tongue has never been down his throat," Shadow informed her. "I don't think it's long enough. Besides, I can think of better places for my tongue than his throat."

"Ew! Shadow!"

"What? I could have meant my mouth. You're the one who twisted it."

"That's how you meant it!"

"You'll never know."

"You meant his... Never mind."

"Oh, yes, that's certainly a good place for it. Haven't you been paying attention in health class at all this year?" Kurama asked with dry sarcasm. "Oral sex is the fastest and easiest way to pass STDs."

"To who? The giver or the receiver? And no, I haven't been paying attention."

Kurama sighed. "Obviously. You should start. You might need the knowledge later on. You _will_ need the knowledge later on at the rate _you're_ going."

"What's that supposed to mean? Are you saying we're going to have sex soon? Because my New Year's resolution--"

"Blah," Hiei muttered. Shadow smiled.

"Let's find something to do. You can't kiss so you're going to talk about your sex life. Well I don't want to hear about it," Eclipse said flatly. "Let's play poker or watch a movie or lock you two in seperate rooms so--"

"So you and Kurama can go have sex?"

"NO! I don't want to have sex with that freak! He has a fox in his head!"

"Hell of a reason to reject him, if you ask me," Shadow muttered. "That fox in his head is just as attractive as he is, if not more so. Of course, Hiei's better, but..."

Kurama snorted. "Hiei's got some black marks on his record with women."

"What? What kind of stupid expression is that?" Hiei asked.

"You scare almost every female you come near, Hiei, because you snap and snarl and cuss, and threaten them with death. Shadow only stayed around because she's too _stupid_ to be scared, and because she had to."

"And we're all the more happier for it, aren't we?" Shadow asked accusingly.

"We're ecstatic," Kurama muttered.

"Hiei was never that bad, far as I know," Eclipse said.

"You forget he'd already been around Shadow for a year or so when you met him," the redhead reminded. "He'd already been whipped by then."

"He wasn't whipped," Shadow said. "He still isn't. He's just a little more companionable."

"A little? He's like a puppy dog compared to what he used to be!"

"Yes, but he hasn't lost any of his touch in battle, has he?"

"No..."

"So that's all that matters, right? As long as he's still in top form in battle, he could be a crossdresser and it wouldn't matter," Shadow reasoned.

"Hiei in a dress. Now that's something I'd like to see," Eclipse muttered.

"Keep on dreaming," Hiei snapped.

"A kimono?"

"No."

"A _guy's_ kimono?"

"No."

"A schoolgirl outfit!"

"NO!"

"Okay, Eclipse, lay off," Kurama said. The girl sighed.

"Maaan, you suck, Kurama."

"No. Anyway... Let's find something to occupy our minds."

**

* * *

**

Sitting outside in his car, Ryu Obake sat watching the house. He'd seen them come out of the forest and wished he hadn't. Now he'd have something to tell Arisa.

He _had_ to find a way to get those pictures off of her. If Shuuichi or Shadow or, God forbid, _Hiei_ ever traced all these new rumors back to him, he'd never see the light of day again. But he couldn't let her post those pictures all over the internet and the school and show them to his mother... But how could he get those pictures away? She never told him where she kept them, and he'd never been to her house... All business dealings were typically done in his car. He had to get the negatives...

So deep in his contemplating was he that it scared the b'jesus out of him when his cell phone rang. He dug it out of his pocket and looked at the display. It was Arisa, of course, calling to check on him during his watch. Grudgingly, he answered it.

"Anything?" she asked, disregarding any polite comments.

"Nothing for a while... But then they came out of the woods."

"The woods! So what?"

"Well... Shadow-san and Jaganshi-sensei were holding hands, and Shuuichi and Jaganshi-sensei were both missing their shirts and looking pretty messy from here." Yes, let her think Shuuichi was having sex with Eclipse. Maybe then she'd quit.

"They didn't have their shirts and they came out of the woods."

"Looking pretty messy."

"Are you trying to tell me that little snot Jaganshi was having a threesome with her fuck friend and my Shuuichi?"

_Threesome? Oh, God. I didn't mention Eclipse. Maybe I just won't._

"I don't know... It's a possibility, I suppose."

_Maybe she'll start thinking he's gay. Then maybe she'll lay off all of us and the world will be a happier place._

"Listen to yourself! Shuuichi Minamino is not gay. He's a fucking hot straight guy and as soon as we get rid of Jaganshi, I'll have him, and he'll be screaming my name in my bed. Keep watching." She hung up. Ryu sighed and hung up as well, continuing to gaze at the house.

* * *

"God, Shadow! Shadow, God, stop it!" 

"Tell me."

"Stop! Aaaugh!"

"Not until you tell me, fox."

"Let go of my hair! Get off me!"

"No!"

Shadow had the boy pinned to the floor and was yanking on his hair, pinching and poking him, and Hiei and Eclipse were just sitting off to the side watching.

"It's none of your business!"

"We'll find out eventually, if Youko gets his way. Who's the lucky girl?"

"It's nobody! Youko's full of crap! Get off me!"

"Should I, Hiei?"

The fire demon shrugged slightly. "I think this is pretty funny, but if you want to..."

"I don't."

"Oh. Then feel free."

"Hiei! You unloyal--Ow!" Kurama cried.

"Who is it?"

"I'm not telling you! It's not important!"

"I know. I'm just curious. Gonna tell me? It won't _hurt_ anyone. Now _you're_ the one in denial. Hiei and I refused to acknowledge our feelings and skittered around love like it was a disease, and you tried to get us to admit it and we refused! It's the same thing here!"

"Not really. I've never kissed, slept with, or lived with her. You two were just being ridiculous. I don't care how confined you kept your emotions for two years despite all you did, you both knew damn well you loved each other."

"Yes, well you see, we did everything we do now, only minus passion. It's so much better now."

"Isn't that what I kept telling you? What Eclipse and Yusuke and even _Kuwabara_ told you?"

"I don't know if Kuwabara ever did... And you're the only one who ever actually did... You kinda egged us on. The others just said 'You love each other and you're keeping it secret from us but not from each other and you screw every night!' and now that we actually are a couple they're like, 'You guys are disgusting, I can't believe Hiei actually is in a relationship, he's kissing her and enjoys being close to her! It's so unlike him it's just disgusting!' And that ticks me off!"

"Understandable. But you _are_ excessive."

"Who do you have a crush on, dear Kurama? When I find out, you'll never hear the end of it. It's Eclipse, and we all know it."

"Well if you have your mind all set on that, why bother asking!"

"Because I want to hear you admit it."

"Well you won't hear it, because it's not true. I don't 'have a crush' on anyone and even if I did, I can't be in a relationship."

"Because of Youko? Oh, come on, Eclipse doesn't mind him as much as she says."

"Shadow!" Kurama groaned. "You're hopeless. Get off me."

"No. Admit I'm right and I'll consider it."

Just then, Kurama's savior came, in the form of a phone ring. Hiei reached over and grabbed the infernal device and greeted whoever was on the other side with his bored, "Moshi moshi."

"Moshi moshi... Jaganshi-sensei?"

"Yes, and who are you?"

"It's Ayame, from school."

Hiei cast around in his mind, drawing a blank. "Do you have a last name, Ayame-san?"

Kurama and Shadow both froze and stared at the phone with wide eyes.

"Yes, I'm Ayame Aihana..."

"Ah, yes. You. Why are you calling my house?"

"I was told I'd find Shuuichi there...?"

"Who told you that?"

"His mother, when I called his house."

"Yeah, he's here. Why?"

"Well, I need help on my English paper..."

"He's not a personal tutor."

"Could I talk to him, please, sir?"

"Hold on." He covered the receiver. "It's--" He mocked a girl's voice. "--Ayame Aihana, from school." Returning to his normal deep tone, he continued. "She wants help on some English paper. Are you available?"

"Not if she wants me to go to her house. I'll help her over the phone, but I doubt she really needs it. Ask her."

Hiei nodded and spoke into the receiver, "Do you really need help, or are you just trying to talk to him?"

"Hiei! That's not what I meant! Get off me, Shadow!" Kurama snapped, trying to get up. Sitting in her bedroom, Ayame's eyes widened a bit.

"Jaganshi-sensei...?"

"Hold on, he's pissed now."

"Give me that!" Kurama snapped, snatching the phone out of Hiei's hand. "Ayame-san?"

"Oh, Shuuichi!" _He spoke my name! I'm talking to Shuuichi Minamino on the phone!_

"What do you need help with?"

_Oh... Oh, he's willing to help me... Oh my God, oh, God..._ "I, um... Well, I don't know what to do."

"At all?"

"No... I know we're supposed to write a paper." _Oh, talk more, talk more..._

"On an American holiday. It has to be one page long." He glanced at Shadow, who was next to him with a devilish grin on her face. "Is that all?"

"Well... What do we write about, Shuuichi-san?"

Shadow's finger was trailing up his arm oh-so-lightly, making him twitch. "The holiday. When it is, what the customs are..." He mouthed a desperate "STOP IT!" to Shadow, eyes wide, but she, of course, persisted.

"Thank you so much, Shuuichi-san."

"No problem."

"S-Shuuichi-san...?"

_Here it comes._ "Yes?"

"A-are... are you doing anything tonight?"

"Um... Yes, I am. I'm sorry."

"Oh. It's okay. What're you doing?"

"I'm..." His eyes cast around as he batted Shadow's hands away. "Dinner. And a movie."

"Oh. With who?"

_NOSY little thing, aren't you!_ "My friends. Double date. Sorry."

Hiei was snickering at the redhead. The boy was twitching and batting away Shadow's hands as he lied to get out of flatly denying a date with this girl.

"Oh. Well... Thanks again."

"No problem."

"Ja--"

Shadow snatched the phone. "Hey Ayame, I want you to do me a favor. Sorry to cut off your goodbyes, but anyway, I want you to forget this phone number and never, ever call it again. Can you do that?"

Sitting on her bed in her bedroom, Ayame huffed angrily and slammed the phone down on the receiver.

"She hung up on me," Shadow declared with mock hurt as she hung up the phone. Then she turned to Kurama with a grin. "Double date, huh? Really?"

"You want to? We can't make a liar out of me, can we?"

"You mean want to go on a double date? Who would _you_ be going with?"

"Well, we wouldn't be going as a couple, but Eclipse would have to come along, and if anyone asked..."

"I see. So Eclipse really _is_ your crush!"

"What! Shadow! And why were you tickling my arm like that while I was trying to talk on the phone?"

"I was trying to get you to yell something at me so Ayame knew I had my hands all over you. I love it when people are jealous of little old me. It's so great!"

Kurama groaned. "Go sit on the couch and keep your hands to yourself."

"Yes, Your Royal Highness Lord Fox, Sir!" She bowed deeply and went to the couch, where she sat down next to Hiei and folded her hands in her lap. "So where're we going for dinner? And what movie? And who's paying for it?"

Kurama shrugged, but looked at Hiei. "I have some money, but I believe Hiei has enough to pay for whatever you'll be wanting to do."

Shadow grinned. "Hiei spoils me."

"Yes, I'd noticed... He did pay for that swimming pool, and the most part of a motorcycle... Not to mention most of everything else that _I_ didn't pay for," Kurama sighed.

"Thank you kindly, Kurama," she said, getting up and hugging him. "And thank you very kindly to Hiei, but he's gotten enough thanks for it to last for quite some time."

"I can imagine," Eclipse said dryly.

"Now... What to do for the next few hours... Harass Kurama... Watch TV... Play poker..."

"Youko's pleading an appearance," Kurama sighed.

"What?"

"And, of course, if Youko shows up..."

"Maybe I can worm information out of Youko!" Shadow said excitedly. "You know, it sucks that you two can't both be around at the same time... But you have to make sacrifices, though, right?"

"Sure, fine... Whatever. Just don't complain if he harasses you..."

And with that, Youko surfaced. He surveyed them with his golden eyes, his face serious, then grinned.

"You two can't touch each other for the next three and a half hours!" he taunted.

"We can touch," Shadow corrected. "Just no tongues." She stuck hers out to emphasize. The fox grinned.

"Isn't this difficult for you, Hiei?"

"Not really."

"Are you sure? Doesn't thinking about it make you just want to... leap on her and tear off all her clothes?"

"We aren't at that point yet, fox."

"But just think about it... How it feels... Her lips... Her mouth... Her tongue... Her hands on your body..."

"What would you know about her, fox?"

"Nothing about her _specifically_, but I know what a good kiss is like, and if Shadow's as good a kisser as you seem to think, I can infer."

Hiei rolled his eyes. "You're nuts."

"But... Can't you feel it? You know you just feel like kissing her."

"I will. In three and a half hours."

Youko smirked, not in the least discouraged. Or, if he was, he didn't show it. "Why not now?"

"You know why."

"True enough." He sat down next to Hiei, and they were quiet for a minute before Youko stuck out his tongue and wiggled it at Shadow. She sank back into the couch to hide behind Hiei. Not discouraged, Youko smirked at Hiei and slowly licked his own lips.

"What is _WRONG_ with you!" Hiei snapped.

"I'm trying to do Shuuichi a favor. He went through a lot of trouble last year to get you guys that place at that restaurant. Of course if he gets one this time, you guys will probably go nuts surrounded by the atmosphere of romance and all that, and, in public, unless you want to get kicked out and looked down upon by countless rich snobby couples from all around this blasted city, you will be unable to relieve the stress that will build up from being alone together in such a place. So, you'll just go there for a free meal and since Shadow's planning on holding to her resolution, Hiei will have to come home and--"

"DON'T finish that sentence!" Shadow snapped.

"Why not?" the kitsune asked innocently, flicking his ears curiously.

"Because it's not true."

"Ah. I see."

"Now... Are you going to shut up about our relationship?"

"I can't. At the moment, it's the most interesting topic of conversation in my boring life."

"Uh-oh, is the kitsune spirit bored?" Shadow said, appalled. "We'd better send him off to Makai so he can seduce a different person to his bed each night for a week and have sex twenty times."

"Would you really? I'd be delighted."

"Well, we can't."

Youko sighed. "Guess I'll just have to nail Eclipse." He lowered his voice seductively and leaned forward slightly. "Come here, Eclipse, you sexy thing... I want your body."

The girl uttered a squeak and hid behind a chair.

"I'm not used to this. Both these two half-breed girls can resist me. Nobody's ever able to resist me."

"You aren't trying hard enough, fox, because you know that if you did manage to seduce and bed one of these two, Koenma would have your head."

"And he'd like it, too."

Hiei growled. "That's _not_ what I meant. Pervert lecher creepazoid..."

"I wonder how long it would take to turn them into jell-o if I really was trying," Youko mused to himself. "I bet once I got my hands on you, Shadow, you'd never want me to let go."

"Good thing you're never getting your hands on me, then," she said. "Go for Eclipse. She's the one your alter-ego's after, isn't she?"

"Now, Shadow... Trying to trick me into giving out information... You should know I believe in equivalent exchange. What'll I get out of it?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"Very good, then. You get absolutely nothing from me."

"Damn. Hiei, koishii, find something to give the fox in exchange for information."

"He doesn't want anything from me... I don't think he does, at least..." Hiei said cautiously, looking up at the fox.

"I don't want anything like _that_ from you, Hiei. Jeez... Why does everybody think I'm gay?"

"Dunno," Hiei said. "Must be one of the great mysteries of life, right Shadow?"

"Yeah. Exactly."

"Well if you're going to call me gay, I'm going to try to shatter your resolve again." He smirked, knowing that if he did this a whole lot longer, Hiei would deck him. But he persisted anyway, leaning close to Hiei and whispering, "So how _does_ it feel, Hiei?"

"Get away from me, fox," the fire demon said.

"What's she taste like?"

"Shut up."

"It's been so long since I had sex... and so long before that since I'd gotten a virgin... She _is_ still a virgin, isn't she?"

"Yes! She's still a virgin!"

"Wouldn't you like to change that, though?"

"I can't."

"You CAN'T!" The fox's eyes darted to Hiei's crotch. "A eunich now, Hiei?"

"That's NOT what he MEANT!" Shadow snapped. Youko grinned. Kitsune are playful, and he was one of the best. However, he played for his own amusement, and ticking off little fire demon couples just happened to amuse him.

"You sure? Have you confirmed that he's not?"

Shadow let out a low animalistic growl. "I. Don't. Like. You."

"You haven't!"

"No, fox. My hands have never physically made contact with any part of his body that would be missing, were he a eunich."

"Well that's a letdown. I was gonna grill you on the experience, but you guys have to be going and being pansies and having your relationship go nowhere fast."

"Get back here, Eclipse," Shadow said flatly. Behind the couch, Eclipse froze. After a second, she jumped up.

"Oh, dearie me, I wasn't going anywhere! How did I get here, I wonder? Must've been the magic of the deities! Yes! That's it! How about we watch a movie? A nice, good, violent movie that's just plotless gore and has no sex in it! Yes, how about it? Sounds marvelous, why don't you pick one out, Eclipse! Oh, dearie me, looks like I already have! Let's watch this!"

She stuck in some American movie. The trio on the couch stared, a bit surprised.

"Um... Okay. If you say so."

Hiei and Shadow relocated to Shadow's sacred fluffy recliner, where Hiei sat with Shadow curled up on his lap. Youko and Eclipse sat at opposite ends of the couch, but the end of the movie found them whispering to each other and shooting looks at Hiei and Shadow, who were cuddled close and had somehow changed positions, so Hiei was sleeping on Shadow's lap. Shadow wasn't really paying attention to the pair on the couch, since if they _hadn't_ been whispering, she would have been surprised. It didn't matter.

"One hour left of the bet," she said as the credits rolled. "If Hiei keeps sleeping, then we'll have no problems. You know, Youko, that your counterpart promised a double date, and we're going out to dinner, thus you'll have to transform here sometime within the next hour."

"Of course," Youko said. He rolled onto his side and curled up on the couch, and he was also shortly asleep.

"You know... Your boyfriend looks like a child when he sleeps," Eclipse pointed out.

"I know. He's adorable. Who needs a puppy when you have Hiei?"

"If he's adorable and he looks like a child, then wouldn't that make children adorable?"

"Children? You mean those wretched little creatures they pull out of fat ladies nine months after they have sex?"

"Um... Yeah, those things."

"Oh, Gods no! Children are wretched, horrible little things! If I ever have children, kill them and get my reproductive organs removed and burned along with the corpses of the wretched pests."

"Oh, lordy me. Does Hiei know you talk like that about kids?"

"You think he wants kids any more than me? We're still in the 'new and happy young love exploring what their partner has to offer' stage. Once we get into the 'trying new things at night' stage, ask again."

Eclipse gagged. "And... When will that be?"

"Ask again in a year."

"But your resolution..."

"Yes, so next year at this time, we'll probably have spent New Year's alone together."

Eclipse twitched. "Boy... You, uh... Sure have this planned out, haven't you?"

"Not in the least. I'm just making this up as you ask. Haven't said a word of it to Hiei."

"Oh. So, um... Who, exactly, is in charge in this relationship of yours?"

"Neither. We're equal."

"Oh, are you?"

"Hiei's in charge of some things, I'm in charge of others."

"And who's in charge of your nightly activities?"

"We don't have any nightly activities."

"You mean you don't kiss or lay in bed whispering lewd things to each other or bathe together or go skinny dipping by moonlight or--"

"Now, you didn't think all that up on your own, did you!"

"Um..."

"I thought not." She held Hiei a little closer. In his sleep, he nuzzled against her, but did not wake. "So, it's Kurama, isn't it?"

"What?"

"You've got a crush and he's got a crush, you put two and two together, you get three. You have a crush on him, he has a crush on you. You guys aren't gonna have to do the whole dating thing before you admit love, will you, since you were raised by ningen parents?"

"I don't love!"

"Bull! Neither do I, but what's this? Oh, I'm holding Hiei on my lap as he sleeps like a child in my arms! I guess I really don't love, you know?"

Eclipse glared. "Harass me all you want, I'm not going to admit it."

"But it's true, isn't it?"

"I don't know."

"But you love Kurama, don't you?"

"I don't know."

"Ah! So that's like a maybe!"

"Maybe."

"Ah! So you love Kurama!"

"Well... Ah, damn, I can't use that comeback anymore! I hate you!"

"What? For what? What comeback?"

"When you say I love Kurama, I can't retort back that you love Hiei and have you deny it."

"Oh. Yeah, okay."

"So... You want... No! Damn you, I can't use _any_ comebacks about Hiei! You! Curse you! You and your love has taken a giant chunk out of my comeback treasury!"

Shadow grinned evilly. "You're welcome. Wanna put in another movie? Cuz I certainly don't want to spend the next hour talking to you."

Eclipse narrowed her eyes. "Thanks. Some best friend _you_ are." But she got up and put in another movie a few minutes later. The end of that movie found it about 7:00, with Shadow and Hiei and Youko all asleep, and Eclipse using the fox's leg as a pillow as she watched TV and ate several boxes of crackers and cereal she'd found while raiding the kitchen during a boring part of the movie. As the credits rolled, she contemplated how exactly to go about waking these three. Something cruel? Startle them? Or perhaps something... like a feather.. Tickle them... She snickered. Maybe she should try to see what she could get them to say in their sleep. Then again, maybe she wouldn't be so wise to try that. It was most likely, considering who they were and what they'd done or where planning on doing, that they'd say something she didn't want to hear.

Taking her box of crackers with her, she moved and sat in front of the couch, watching Youko's sleeping face for a moment before she threw a cheese cracker at him. His ear twitched. She threw another one and hit him in the face. His eyes squeezed shut tightly, then opened tiredly. He looked around through half-lidded eyes, then opened his eyes fully and sat up, scratching his head.

"Odd... This is the first time in a long time that I have fallen asleep AND woke up at Shadow's house, still in my good old sexy form," he muttered. "Usually Shuuichi takes advantage of my sleep to overcome me again." His ears twitched and he looked at Eclipse. Then up at Hiei and Shadow, who were still sleeping together in the recliner. With an evil glint in his gold eyes and a grin on his face, he got up and went to the couple. Eclipse stood next to him.

"Whatcha gonna do?" she whispered. He held a finger to his lips and leaned closer to Shadow. Thanking his luck that Hiei wasn't in the way, he gently kissed Shadow's lips. No response. Okay... Daring to go a bit further, he flicked his tongue across her lips, keeping all senses on guard in case Hiei should wake up, or even move. Eclipse was watching nervously, dead still and silent. Shadow's lips parted slightly and he kissed her more intimately. But only for a second.

Her eyes snapped open and she cursed, pulling back and nearly tipping the chair clear over, as, with a loud shout of, "HOLY JESUS!" she flung herself away, over the back of the chair to hide behind it. Hiei snapped to consciousness, looking startled, gripping the arm rests and laying halfway on the floor where he ended up when he fell off Shadow's lap. He looked up at Youko with a mixture of confused emotions in his wide crimson eyes.

"Did you rest well, little Hiei?" the fox asked, grinning. Hiei's eyes narrowed and he glared.

"What did you do?"

"Do? Not a thing. Not to you. And nothing that harmed your lover."

"Yes, but what did you _do_?"

"He kissed me, Hiei!" Shadow called. "Take off his head! I want it on a platter! I'll make soup out of it!"

"It was a harmless joke!" Youko yelped, as he was instantly pinned to the ground in a position of helpless submission. "You don't need to kill me! I wouldn't ever force her to kiss me, I'd never rape her. It was just fun!"

"I'm not so sure I like your definition of fun, kitsune," Hiei snapped, relaxing a bit and pinching the fox's skin between his fingers and twisting.

"Ow! Man, that's gonna leave a bruise..."

"Would you prefer a black eye?"

Then, before the fox could answer, there was a shout.

"Oh my GOD!"

The group's heads snapped up to stare at the new voice. Yusuke and Keiko stood in the doorway, staring.

"Man, get off me, Hiei! I'm not a chair, so unless you're going to fuck me, you have no reason to straddle me like that," Youko said, pushing the little demon. Hiei got up.

"Don't touch my mate again and we can avoid these awkward little encounters," he retorted. Both of them had instantly leapt on the chance to torment Yusuke.

"Mate? _Mate,_ huh? So you've moved past the 'we're not at that stage yet' stage? So when're you planning on sealing it?"

"HEY!" Yusuke shouted. "Keiko doesn't need to hear about this crap!"

"Keiko?" Shadow appeared from behind the chair that had been hiding her. "Ah! Look at that, it's Keiko! She hasn't been here in months! Years! Ages and eras and milliniums!"

"Good evening, Shadow-san," Keiko stammered politely.

"What brings you happy lovebirds here to my humble abode of purity?"

"I brought us with the intention of asking if you and Hiei wanted to go on a double date, but now I'm starting to think I should just leave," Yusuke said.

"You? Double date? Fine, leave, but I'm already going on a double date, and we'll probably run into each other anywho!" Shadow snapped.

"Who would you go on a double date with? Kurama and Eclipse?"

"As a matter of fact, yes."

Yusuke hit his fist into his palm. "Ahha! So you two admitted you love each other too! It's just the year of love, isn't it! Now all we need is for Yukina to wise up and--"

"All we need is for Kuwabara to leave Yukina alone and my life will have one less worry in it," Hiei snapped. "Yukina can stay ignorant. It's not hurting her."

Yusuke snorted. "Sure. So where were you going on your date?"

"Dinner and a movie. And only cuz Kurama lied to some girl and decided that he doesn't want to take the heat for lying to her or whatever," Shadow informed him.

"Um... Okay. Where are you going, though?"

"Dunno," Shadow said. "Where are _you_ going?"

"The mall. They got food and a theatre there..." Yusuke said.

"And shops galore!" Shadow cheered. "We can go shopping, Hiei! Isn't that exciting?"

The little demon groaned and plopped back in the recliner. "No."

"No matter how much he denies it, Hiei is just like most ningen boyfriends..." Yusuke said. "Hates shopping, already sick of commitment, he's whipped by his girlfriend..."

"Wait, sick of commitment?" Shadow queried. "Sick of commitment to _me_? Are you already tired of me, Hiei? I feel very unloved."

"I'm not tired of you, Shadow," Hiei said. "I'll never be tired of you. You're not a boring person. I don't think you could be if you tried."

"Thank you." She bowed. Yusuke leaned over to Keiko.

"What'd I tell you? They're lovebirds now."

"I'm so happy for you, Hiei," Keiko gushed. Hiei snorted.

"Why? Because I have a nut job for a mate?"

Keiko stuttered to answer, but Shadow sat on Hiei's lap and put her arms around him.

"You have a nut job who loves you and whom you love."

"It's not bad that she's insane, as long as she's hot and good in bed," Youko declared. Hiei glared. The fox hurriedly continued. "Of course, in Shadow's case, I wouldn't know a thing about the latter... She's just got a great body and by everything I've seen, I can infer..."

"You infer too much, fox," Shadow said. "Now... Why don't you just infer your way back into Shuuichi's brain so we can have ol' green-eyes back?"

"'Old green-eyes?'"

"The human kid you take residence in and who happens to be a much more respectable person than you."

The fox sighed. "You really hate me, don't you."

"It's not--"

"That's okay!" he continued overdramatically. "I understand. I have committed many a heinous crime against you, and I suppose I deserve your hatred for that. Alas, I shall depart. You will be blessed ever to see my stunning beauty again." And with that, he was gone, returned to the depths of Shuuichi Minamino's mind to do whatever he did in there and had done for 99 of his past seventeen years.

The redhead grinned sheepishly at them all. "Sorry about him. Good evening, Keiko-san."

"Yes, good evening Kurama."

"Let's go! I wanna go to the mall!" Shadow whined, shaking Hiei's hand up and down.

"Fine... We'll go to the mall... Jeez."

"Oh, and Kurama, I believe we won that bet."

"Bet? What bet?" Yusuke asked.

"We bet that Shadow and Hiei couldn't go four hours without kissing," Kurama explained. "They won. I've got to get them reservations at that restaurant I got them into last year."

"They went _four hours_ without kissing!"

"We slept," Shadow answered.

"I forgot to take that into consideration," Kurama muttered, seeming a bit embarrassed.

"And here I thought you were smart!" Yusuke accused.

"I would have kept them awake if I'd been able, Yusuke, but Youko decided he wanted to make an attempt at driving them nuts, so I was incapacitated."

"Guys, the movie starts at 8:00!" Shadow announced, bounding down the stairs. Everyone stared at her.

"When did you go upstairs?" Yusuke finally asked.

"When you weren't paying attention, apparently. You're losing your touch, Yusuke. I could have been a psycho evil demon and attacked you and you wouldn't have noticed. I could have killed you, and you wouldn't have noticed."

"I wouldn't notice if I died?"

"No. Do you like my outfit?"

"Outfit? Oh!" Yusuke looked her over. "Nice skirt. It's a bit long, though."

"Yusuke!" Keiko slapped him. Hiei appeared at the bottom of the stairs, stuffing a wad of money in his coat pocket. He stopped and stared as Yusuke fell to the floor, a slightly surprised expression on his face.

"What'd he do?" he asked, stuffing the money in his pocket and strolling over to Yusuke. He poked him with the tip of his boot. "I think you killed him." He shook Keiko's hand. "Congratulations."

"Um..."

"Hey! You got your own girlfriend! Lay off!" Yusuke leapt to his feet and grabbed Hiei's wrist.

"Please remove your hand from me before I kill you," the little demon said in a threatening polite tone.

"Good lord... Shadow, put your boyfriend on a leash," Yusuke said, letting go of Hiei's wrist and sticking his hands in his pockets.

"Okay! Sounds kinda kinky." She started towards Hiei with her hand in her pocket, coming out with a spiked collar and chain, which she buckled around Hiei's neck before he could react.

"Oh... Hey, nice skirt, Shadow," Hiei said, looking the girl over.

"What's wrong with my skirt?"

"You know very well you're just wearing that for show. You never wear skirts in public."

"No, I don't. Not unless it's short and skanky and leather and I'm doing pole dances to get more victims for my shrunken head garden in the back yard."

Hiei twitched a bit. "Get this chain off me and change your clothes."

"But..."

"Please."

Shadow sighed. "You're no fun."

"Now, you know that's not true," Eclipse snapped. "You have fun with him all the time!"

"Oh, Gods yes I do. So, what should I wear?" She tied her end of Hiei's leash around a chair and spun around, her skirt billowing out. But after one full 360 degree circle, she slammed her foot down to stop herself and faced them all, wearing ragged jeans, cowboy boots, and a flannel vest. She snatched a straw hat out of Hiei's hand (how'd it get there? Who knows), put it on her head, and stuck a piece of hay in her mouth.

"Ready to go now?" she asked. Yusuke burst out laughing.

"Change," Hiei ordered. "Something black."

"Yes, sir!" She spun around again and this time when she stopped, she was wearing form-fitting black covered by a high-collared Dracula cape. "I want to drink your blood."

"Something _normal_," Kurama specified.

"Black," Hiei added.

"Sexy," Yusuke finished. Keiko hit him.

After another few tries, Shadow eventually ended up in a tight black sleeveless shirt, black jeans, and black boots. She wore, of course, excessive jewelry, but nobody complained about that. At least it wasn't a cowboy redneck outfit.

"Now take this collar and leash off me," Hiei said flatly, pointing. Shadow bowed deeply.

"Yes, My Lord." In the process of removing the collar, she put her arms around him, and, with a grin, she kissed him. Yusuke sighed.

"How many times have they kissed since the four hours were up?" he asked, looking to Kurama for an answer.

"Actually, I think that's the first..."

Shadow stuck the collar and chain in her pocket and grabbed her coat off the back of the couch. "Ready to go?"

"I guess," Hiei sighed. She handed him a black trench coat and led the way out the door. On the porch, she locked the door behind the others and paused.

"Okay... Car arrangement. Who's going in whose car?"

"You guys are not going in my car," Yusuke said flatly.

"Fine. We can go on my motorcycle, can't we?" Shadow asked.

"You guys can go in my car," Kurama sighed.

With that settled, they got in their own respective vehicles and headed to the mall. Ryu Obake, still sitting grudgingly and tiredly in his car across the street, called Arisa for instructions.

* * *

Oh, I intended to do this at the beginning...  
**DuoJagan-** PLEASE stop telling me to "switch back to humor" because I'm TRYING to make this story funny and I don't see what your problem is that you can't stand a little romance... Hiei and Shadow may as well have guns on my head and be telling me what to write, okay?

**Were there any Japanese terms in this chapter? I forgot to pay attention to that little detail... It's hard to do when you're sick and have reggae drilling into your head. It makes me wanna dance, but I'm too sick to dance. I'll cough up my other lung and die again.**

Shadow Jaganshi


	15. Cheese and a Rat

**(Saturday, 4-16-05)** Oh! Two updates in under a week! Yeeeeeeeah, toast! I've got** 385** reviews (I'm making a point of documenting this, for future reference, if you were wondering)... I had 354by the last chapter... 314 the chapter before that... 282 before that...So I'm averaging 35 reviews a chapter. That's pretty good.  
**Thank you reviewers!**

* * *

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN  
**Cheese and a Rat

After a bit of conflict at the food court (conflict mainly between a certain two girls and Yusuke), they settled it by Kurama and Keiko ingeniously declaring that just since they were there on a group date didn't mean they all had to go to the same place for food. Shadow, seeing the reasoning in this, decked Yusuke for daring to argue with her, and practically dragged Hiei to her preferred food distributor.

When they reconvened, there was only ten minutes left before the movie, so they resolved to go and sit in the theater to wait. After all, Shadow reminded them, she was sure they could all find something to amuse themselves for ten minutes. Yusuke glared. Keiko wouldn't be 'amusing' him in the way he was sure Shadow and Hiei would amuse themselves. However, Shadow, not caring for his predicament, simply stuck out her tongue and led the way into the theater.

Though Kurama wasn't as cruel as to separate the two fire demons, he did make a point of leading Eclipse over to sit right next to them, while Yusuke and Keiko sat a few rows behind them. Probably, Hiei reasoned, for a better view should he and Shadow get bored with the movie. The theater wasn't very crowded, so nobody sat in the rows separating the groups.

It was a fighting movie, since five of the six had decided that that would best hold their interest, but Hiei and Kurama found the movie worthy of self-mutilation (it was one of those movies that is so bad you wanna gouge out your own eyes because of. Sucky graphics, cheesy storyline, something like that). While Kurama settled himself to sleep through the rest after only twenty minutes, Hiei had other plans. Shadow seemed oddly fascinated, however, staring at the screen with her head tilted to the side and a quizzical look on her face.

"What is it?" Hiei whispered. She blinked and looked to him.

"I was wondering why that ninja had strings holding him up," she said. Hiei chuckled quietly. And here he thought she was interested in the _movie_. Typical Shadow for you.

"I don't know, Shadow. Maybe because it's a really low-quality movie and probably won't even be accepted by that Sci-Fi channel you so dearly love to watch."

"I think it was a waste of money, myself," Kurama muttered from next to Hiei. He scooted up in his seat to peer back at Yusuke and Keiko. Keiko looked so bored he wondered if perhaps she would gouge out her own eyes. No, he reasoned. She'd gouge out Yusuke's. Why harm yourself when you can harm others?

Yusuke was occasionally glancing at the screen, but he had more attention on the group a few rows ahead of him. He popped a piece of popcorn into his mouth and waved cheerily at Kurama, then pointed at Hiei and Shadow and mouthed, "Tell them to make out." Kurama rolled his eyes and flicked a piece of popcorn back at the boy.

"Yusuke wants you two to make out," he muttered as he turned to face forward.

"Make sure he knows that if we do, it's not because _he_ wants us to," Hiei instructed.

"I'm not your messenger! You tell him!" With that, he turned to Eclipse. "Enjoying the-- She's asleep!"

Hiei and Shadow leaned forward to look at their friend.

"Wow. She is."

"I was gonna sleep," Kurama admitted.

"I think Keiko's gonna sleep," Shadow said. She gazed around the theater. Not only wasn't it crowded, she realized, but they were the only ones there. Everybody else seemed to realize this at the exact same instant as Shadow.

"I think we were set up!" she announced, slamming her fist into her palm. "It's a government set up! To capture us! I'm too young to die! I still have so many things to experience! Like hang gliding! Sky diving! Flying an airplane! Living through an avalanche! _Causing_ an avalanche! Destroying a small town! Destroying a _large_ town! Enslaving humanity! Meet Americans! Germans! Get my name in the world records book!" She'd stood up with the horror of her announcement, spinning on Hiei and grabbing his coat as she started to list her un-experiences. She'd gotten continually closer to him with each one, whether it was her leaning over more or pulling him closer by the front of his coat, and now their noses nearly touched. "So many things! What have I _forgotten_!"

"Sex," Hiei stated.

"Sex!" she wailed, sounding very horrified by that, and 'fell' onto his lap, 'sobbing' with her arms around him.

"I'd have thought sex would be at the top of that list," Yusuke muttered. Keiko glared. "What! You see the way they're all over each other! You know that's all they think about!"

Now Shadow was shaking Hiei back and forth by his shoulders, still wailing. "But the government's coming and we're trapped and I'll never have sex, all because I didn't pay my speeding ticket when I wrecked my unlicensed stolen American war tank into that senior citizen's center on bingo night!" She was now fake-sobbing uncontrollably, and poor Hiei just sat there.

"Oh my God Shadow, did you see that!" Yusuke asked. The girl sat bolt upright.

"What!"

"I think I saw something move down there!"

She barely muffled a shriek (she was having fun! She could attract any theater security NOW!) and looked around, eyes wide in terror.

They were all fully aware it was a game, but it was funny to see Shadow do this. She was a good actor. Kurama absently wondered when the next school play was. Perhaps he could get her to audition. Then he mentally slapped himself. What the hell! Shadow in a school play. That very plainly spelled disaster... Well, if you changed the letters around, take some out and substitute different ones... add a couple... He shook his head and returned his attention back to Shadow, who was now trying to hide herself in Hiei's coat.

Glancing at Eclipse again, he considered waking her, but looking at Shadow, curled up in a ball with Hiei's trench coat hiding her face, he decided that would be utterly retarded. The last thing he needed was both of them being stupid. Perhaps Eclipse would try to burrow into his coat. That wouldn't work. He wasn't wearing one.

"Shadow," Hiei said, poking her back. She rolled over and fell off his lap, cracking her head off the chair in front of his and letting out a yelp.

"Yes sir?" she asked, gazing up at him from the floor.

"First, get off the floor, it's dirty."

She obeyed, returning to her seat next to him.

"Second, calm down."

"Yes sir, I'll try my hardest if you please." She bowed as best she could in her sitting position. Yusuke frowned and jumped over the two rows separating them.

"Hey, you spoiled it, you twit," he said. "That was amusing, and now I'm bored again."

"Cry me a river," Hiei replied. Yusuke frowned.

"Well now I'm bored. There's no way this movie will entertain me, so you know what?"

"You're gonna go make out with Keiko and leave us alone?" Shadow said hopefully.

"No. _You two_ are gonna make out and _I'm_ gonna _watch_."

"You know you're nearly seventeen, right?" Kurama asked.

"Yeah, so?"

The fox sighed. "Never mind."

"So?" Yusuke prompted the couple, instantly ignoring the redhead for more interesting prey.

"So what? You seemed pretty disgusted every other time we make out in front of you," Shadow said. "Are you gonna sit here and say 'EEEWWWWW' if we kiss _now_? Since you _told us to?_"

"No."

"Right," Hiei muttered.

"I promise!"

"Sure ya do," Shadow said.

"I do! I swear. Cross my heart."

"What good is that gonna do anyone?" Hiei asked.

"I won't 'ew' if you make out," he promised, saying each word slowly. Then he brightened a bit and added, "I want to examine your technique!"

"You _what?_" the couple, and Kurama, cried in unison.

"Your technique. Surely that's not too big a word for you to understand if _I_ know it."

"I _know_ what technique means," Hiei said coldly.

"Why do you want to 'examine our technique' as you say, Yusuke?" Shadow asked.

"Well, I've never closely watched a demon and a nutjob make out before, and I just wonder if it's any different than how we normal people do it."

Hiei snorted. "_You're_ a nutjob, Yusuke. Get away from me."

"But I wanna watch!"

"We're not gonna make out when you're sitting with your face about six inches away!"

"Fine!" he declared, leaning back. "I'll stay back here. You won't even notice me. Just be natural about it. Don't try to impress me."

The couple stared at each other for a second, silently debating as Yusuke watched hopefully, then Shadow shrugged.

"Anything's better than the movie. Who cares if he's watching?"

"True enough," Hiei replied, putting his arms around her.

Keiko, still two rows back, had heard the entire exchange between her boyfriend and the relatively new couple, and she was appalled. She got up and stalked down the isle, entering the row where Yusuke sat. He was so fascinated by the kiss he was witnessing that he didn't notice her until she was on top of him.

"YUSUKE! You are such a jerk!" she yelled, slapping him.

"OW! What was that for!"

"You want to examine the way they kiss! It's none of your business!"

"They don't mind!"

"It doesn't matter! It was rude of you to ask!"

Having considered and rejected the notion of helping out Yusuke in the space of five seconds, both Hiei and Shadow were now watching with amusement apparent on their faces. Kurama was as well, no matter how much he tried to hide the amusement.

"But they really don't care! I'm serious! They said so themselves! You heard everything _I_ said but you didn't hear what _they_ said? Didn't you see them _KISSING?_"

"Of course I did! But I still can't believe you'd do that! It's not your business how they kiss! How many other people have you said that to? I can't believe you're such a pig!"

"Keiko," Hiei said gently, grinning. She looked at him, as did the cowering boy in front of her. "It's okay. Really. You're getting a little carried away."

"But... but... How could you let him persuade you to--"

"He didn't persuade anything," Kurama informed her. "They just let him think he had. Relax. If they cared, he'd know."

"Yeah! We're all friends here! They don't mind! It's loveable old Yusuke! Who could resist this face?" the boy said nervously. Hiei snorted, but Keiko seemed to relax a bit under the puppy dog eyes Yusuke was giving her.

Currently on the movie screen, there was some kind of major city-under-attack scene, and God only knows how you could fit a scene of city-wide terror into a ninja movie, but these people apparently could. There were also some fake-looking things flying around in the air shooting holes in buildings. All the bad acting and screaming of terror woke Eclipse, and she stirred and looked around.

"The world end yet?" she asked groggily. Then she realized where she was and sat up, staring at the movie screen. "Oh. Oh my God, look out! That pink bubbly ninjaien's gonna get you! Good lord! He'll disintegrate you with his ray gun! Oh! OH MY GOD, PINK GOO! Look at that, it's splattered everywhere!"

Everyone stared at her, but she didn't notice, so caught up she was in doing commentary on a movie she'd already missed the majority of. Finally, Yusuke returned their minds to the matter at hand, climbing over the seat in front of him to sit next to Shadow.

"Hey..." he hissed. "Kiss again. I didn't get to watch." He went over the next row and sat backwards in the chairs to face them, his arms resting on the backs of the chairs. "Hiei. Kiss her."

Kurama groaned. "You guys have something wrong with you." He stood up.

"Where're you going?" Eclipse gasped, staring up at him in horror.

"The bathroom?"

"Oh. Can I come?"

Kurama didn't dignify it with a response. His eyes widened a bit, but that was it, before he hurried off.

Keiko sighed and tried to find something to divert her attention from Yusuke's current fascination. She could kiss like that, she thought with a bit of jealousy. Maybe, if her boyfriend wasn't such a jerk.

"GO, NINJA STORM!" Eclipse was cheering, flinging popcorn up in the air like confetti.

"I would hate to work here," Keiko mused to herself as she watched the hyper girl. She sat down behind the couple who had now disentangled their tongues and were listening to Yusuke's rundown of their kissing technique. He made it sound like an art. Hiei pointed this out when he was done.

"You make it sound like an art."

"Pleasure _is_ an art, Hiei, my friend. Ask any good, appreciative, caring boyfriend. Ask Kurama."

"Kurama's in the bathroom!" Eclipse informed them cheerfully. They ignored her and she looked dejected.

"Kurama's not-- Never mind," Shadow said. "I was gonna say he's not a boyfriend, but Youko knows all about pleasure... His own, at least."

"Hey, that's part of the art. You don't want to just please your partner, you want to please yourself, too," Yusuke said.

"Just shut up, Yusuke," Hiei said. "I think I know what I'm doing, and I doubt there's anything you could teach me. You are a virgin half-ningen sixteen-year-old, you know."

"Who looks at porn and probably has since he was ten..." Shadow added.

"Honestly, Shadow. What can you learn from porn?"

"Lots!" Yusuke answered for her. "I learned more from porno than I have from school."

"Idiot," Hiei muttered.

"Look! Here comes Kurama! Why don't you ask him about the art of pleasure?"

Kurama resumed his seat next to Hiei. Yusuke was looking pointedly at the fire demon couple, who were looking curiously at Kurama. He raised an eyebrow.

"Um... What?"

"Is pleasure an art?" Hiei asked. "Yusuke says it is."

Kurama looked thoughtful. "Well... Yeah. I guess you could say it is."

"How do you figure that?" Shadow questioned.

"It depends on your views, I suppose," Kurama muttered. "I mean, some people... there's a technique... everybody has a technique... their own style..." Abruptly, his hand slammed down on his leg. Everyone jumped and Eclipse yelped.

"Owie..." she muttered, pulling her hand out from under his. "You crusheded my handy-poo."

"Why was your hand on his thigh?" Hiei asked curiously.

"Because..." Eclipse muttered, cradling her 'injured' hand. "I dunno."

"As I was saying..." Kurama muttered, getting up and going over the seats in front of him to sit next to Yusuke. "You know. Why do you guys ask me? You're the ones with the intimate relationship."

"You're the one with a history of hundreds of intimate relationships," Shadow countered. "And besides, don't you want to educate us young lovers on... whatever the hell you're trying to educate us on?"

"Pleasure as an art," Yusuke reminded her.

"Ah yes. That. Please, do inform, Kurama."

Kurama rolled his eyes. "You guys are smart individuals. Learn yourself. Just get yourselves a nice technique that you both like and perfect it. Voila. The art of pleasure."

"Sure, Kurama. Whatever," Hiei muttered. "You're full of it."

"Yusuke's the one with brown eyes," Shadow reminded him. He looked at the boy and nodded.

"True enough."

Some double-digit number of minutes later, the horrid movie was over, and the group emerged from the dark theater high in spirits. Shadow was jumping up and down pleading to go wander around for the next few hours. It turned out that the three males of the group truly were whipped by their female companions, and all three, saviors of humankind who'd battled against nearly impossible opposition multiple times, were forced to wander around the mall and go in every store the girls wanted to. To make it easier on the boys, they stayed in the group of six, meaning that Keiko had to suffer through Hot Topic and Shadow and Eclipse had to go in some cosmetics store. When Yusuke wanted to go in Victoria's Secret, Keiko cracked him in the head with some heavy dangerous thing Shadow had bought, and Kurama had to literally drag the teen around for about ten minutes.

Upon entering a large bookstore, Hiei found himself the only one with nothing of interest to do. Kurama and Keiko had vanished, and Shadow, Eclipse, and Yusuke were looking at manga. Of course, Yusuke had different interests than the girls, but they were in the same general area, leaving Hiei standing there holding a Hot Topic bag and looking kinda out-of-place.

"Can I help you?"

He looked up over his shoulder at the young lady who'd spoken. She smiled kindly. Mentally, he smirked, deciding to try something.

"No. I don't need help. Why would you ask that?"

"I work here. It's my job."

"To ask total strangers if they need help?" He turned to face her now, leaning slightly on a shelf behind him.

"Yes. Also to ring up purchases at the counter," she answered after a second of hesitation.

"I see. That sounds kind of boring."

"It's not bad. I'm just out of high school. It's a job. It pays money."

"I would suspect it would."

"What?"

"Pay money."

"Oh. Well... I want to get in a good college and I don't want my parents to pay for it, so..."

"What're you going to college for?"

"I want to be a nurse."

Hiei nodded. "Well that's a good job, I suppose."

"Yeah... I like helping people."

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

"I don't. Most of humanity gets on my nerves."

"Oh. Do _I_?"

"Not until you do something stupid."

"Like what?"

Hiei shrugged. "Annoy me."

The girl thought for a second. "So... People annoy you by doing stupid things... and annoying you is stupid?"

Hiei nodded. "Yeah."

"Can I ask where the logic is in that?"

"You can ask. I don't have to answer, though. I don't really see the logic myself, but it's how I operate."

"Oh." Confused by this, the girl changed the subject. "Were you looking for anything in particular in here?"

"I wasn't looking for anything at all."

"Oh. Then... why are you here?"

Hiei shrugged. "I'm stalking somebody."

"Really?"

"No."

The girl looked confused.

"Am I confusing you?" Hiei asked.

"A little."

He nodded. "That's good to know."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"So why are you really in here?"

"I'm with friends. They read, I don't."

Meanwhile, not far away, Shadow was looking at manga, oblivious to Hiei's activities. Yusuke was drooling over some... adult manga... and Eclipse was looking back and forth between volumes of two different series, trying to decide which to buy. Keiko was looking at romance novels, and Kurama was just wandering around, looking at anything that caught his interest, occasionally ducking around shelves to hide from the fangirls he eternally encountered anytime he set foot in public.

They weren't as stupid as they seemed. The occasional times he'd come to the mall, the girls who'd seen him had followed him to scope out his favorite stores. They had spread the word. Now, whenever he went to the mall and spent any extended amount of time in one store (more than five minutes), he had to deal with at least one fangirl encounter. He knew they went in some stores just to check if he was in there. This, he felt, was the case in the bookstore. Either that or they were there for cheap romance novels. Or perhaps both.

"Oh! Shuuichi-kun!"

He jumped. He'd been spotted! His eyes quickly discovered his assailants. Only two. That was good. They hurried over to him, already blushing just at the pure thought of speaking to him.

"Hi, Shuuichi-kun," they said.

"Hello," he said politely. He knew them. They were at the mall every time he'd gone. They might as well live there. "It seems every time I'm here I see you."

They giggled. "We come here a lot," one answered.

_Either that or you're stalking me... Both are pretty likely._ "Really."

He caught one girl looking at the section he was in. Rather abruptly, he realized he didn't know what section he was in, after dodging into it to avoid being caught by one of his less tolerable fanatic stalkers. He, too, looked at the books around him and at the tag on the shelves. Fantasy. Good. Not romance. That would have been hell.

See, when these girls caught him in the mall, they always paid attention to what store he was in and what he was looking at, so they could get more of an idea of what appealed to the quiet boy. Thus, when Valentine's Day came around, they wouldn't shower him with gifts that he wouldn't like (give him crap and he won't like you any more than he did before, they reasoned). So, being in the fantasy section was good, since, had he been in the romance section, he would have ended up with several dozen more romance novels to stick in a box in the back of his closet. He had to have at least two copies of every book he owned. Hell, over the years, the girls had practically bought him an entire book store, he thought.

"What has you here so late, Shuuichi-kun?"

"I'm with my friends," he said.

"Really?" They peered around the store and one jumped and covered her mouth to suppress a squeal. "There's Jaganshi-sensei!"

_Really? And where is he?_ He looked to where they were pointing and a questioning look came to his face.

"What is he _doing_? Excuse me." He slipped past them and headed towards the front of the store, where Hiei was still leaning on the bookshelf talking to the employee girl.

"Sure. I'll keep that in mind, Hanako-san," Hiei was saying, his hands in his pockets. The girl, Hanako, gasped a bit when Kurama stopped next to Hiei, a little "Oh..." escaping her.

"What are you doing, Hiei?" he asked his friend quietly. Hiei smirked.

"Just having a conversation. What are _you_ doing?"

Kurama looked at Hanako. What _was_ Hiei doing? Having a conversation with a total stranger--an attractive young girl, at that--in a bookstore, obviously, but _why_?

"Um... Can I help you find anything, sir?" Hanako asked Kurama.

"No thank you, miss." He looked pointedly at Hiei. The little demon smiled at Hanako.

"Well... Looks like I'm leaving."

"Come back sometime," Hanako suggested. "There's a sale next week."

"If I have time," he promised. "Ja mata."

Kurama was looking at Hiei, eyes wide, his mouth hanging open a bit. His two followers stood forgotten a few feet behind him. Grabbing Hiei's arm, the fox all but dragged him out of the store as Hanako waved and he smiled over his shoulder at her.

"What were you doing?" he hissed. Hiei let out a groan and sat on a nearby bench.

"Gods. Ningen are so strange. I was just testing myself... I can't believe what I had to say just to get that girl's phone number and home address." He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and showed it to Kurama. The redhead snatched it and stared at the neat handwriting on the paper.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!"

"I just wanted to see if I could," Hiei said, brushing it off as he took the paper back. "I've adapted to most of your freakish ningen things, I can lie and cover up all inconsistencies in my past, I can work at a ningen job, use all your stupid ningen devices... most of them, anyways... That's something I hadn't tried."

Kurama snatched the paper from Hiei, who'd been looking at it curiously, and crinkled it up. He threw it in the nearest garbage can.

"Don't do it again."

"Yes _sir_," Hiei retorted. "Jeez. It's not that big a deal, is it?"

"Yes!"

"Alright! Okay! It's not like I'm gonna tell _Shadow_. It's not like I'm cheating on her! It wasn't anything!"

"You were _hitting on somebody!_"

"No I wasn't. I was manipulating her mind without my Jagan. I also found out she wants to be a nurse, she likes cats, and has a hamster named Jioruji. Her sister goes to Yusuke's school."

"You found all that out in such a short amount of time?"

"Yep."

"God, Hiei... Yusuke would be proud."

"You have no idea how much bullshit I told her about myself to get that information."

"A lot, I imagine. Guys are usually good at making up bullshit to get laid," Yusuke said, appearing out of nowhere. "Congratulations, Hiei."

"Don't _encourage_ him!" Kurama snapped.

"Did you get your books, Yusuke?" Hiei asked, gesturing to the bag in his hand.

"You bet!"

Hiei smirked and stood up. "Gotta fetch Shadow."

Kurama frowned.

"Hey, get Keiko while you're-- Never mind, here she comes."

Keiko passed Hiei with a bag in her hand, looking pleased. She stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Shadow was just buying her books as I left."

"Oh. Alright." He turned around to walk back with Keiko.

"Hiei..."

"Hm?"

"What did Yusuke buy?"

Hiei snorted. "What do you think?"

She frowned. Hiei smirked.

"Hey Yusuke. Why don't you tell your girlfriend what you bought?"

"I bought some very scientifically educational books," he lied. Keiko continued to frown.

"He bought porn!" Shadow cheered from behind them. "On to the next shop!" She started walking away. Hiei followed, smirking at Kurama as he passed him, and caught Shadow's hand, kissing her cheek. She smiled and squeezed his hand, then headed into the next store. The other four followed hurriedly (well, not so much. Eclipse ran with her arms out like an airplane, and they wanted to make sure everyone knew they'd never met that girl in their lives, so while she hurried after the couple, the others hung way back).

Hiei, again, had no interest in much of anything in this store. He didn't have any musical preferences, he didn't have any favorite movies, and he didn't play video games very often. When he did, he wasn't really good at it. Most of Shadow's games were fighting games, and they annoyed him. The moves were so limited... slow... He did kind of like Crazy Taxi, though... Something was appealing about getting paid to be a reckless driver.

Eclipse ran over to where Shadow was looking at anime soundtracks. Kurama went to the side of the store _away_ from where he saw a conglomeration of fan girls, but one had spotted him, and pretty soon, he felt six pairs of eyes on his back and heard them giggling and whispering. He couldn't go _anywhere_ without that! Except Shadow's house. Maybe that's why he went there so often. Seeing his problem, Hiei joined him.

"Hey," he said. "You've got a mob pointing at you and giggling like idiots. I think they're staring at your ass."

"Most likely," he sighed. "Or my hair." He was flipping through some used DVDs, not really looking at them, but doing anything to keep from looking at his fan club.

"And you're just going to stand here?"

"It's not like they're hurting me," he muttered. "Maybe if they stare enough, they'll go away after a bit."

"I really doubt it. Just look at them. Maybe a couple will pass out and their friends will feel the need to leave."

Kurama sighed.

"Well you can't just stand there looking at used DVDs until Shadow's satisfied that she's read every title of every CD in the place! And she will, too! That'll take a while."

Again, the redhead sighed. "Go with me. That way, if they swarm to me, maybe they'll kindly leave me some oxygen."

"Alright. Fine."

Kurama turned around and started wandering around with Hiei at his side, like a guard dog. Hiei the pit bull.

Just when he was nearing the fan girls, a voice rose above all noise in the store.

"DON'T MOVE AND YOU WON'T BE HARMED! THIS IS A ROBBERY! PUT ALL THE MONEY IN THIS!" He tossed a bag to the cashier, who, with shaking hands, began to obey him.

Instantly, the fan girls screeched and swarmed to Kurama and Hiei. The robber by the cash register pointed his gun at them and all six managed to vanish completely behind the two boys' lean forms. Hiei was kind of surprised by this. However, he knew he could settle this without a problem. The boring ningen way, with no bloodshed. He reached in his coat pocket for his wallet, which held his I.D. and police badge.

"You! Put your hands in the air!" the criminal shouted, aiming his gun at Hiei. The girls behind him squealed and ducked. He sighed, but Kurama elbowed him and he obeyed. However, his girlfriend was, as always, a disobedient little psycho, and he heard her movement from the back corner. She barreled past him, rolled, and ended up on one knee with her arm extended upwards and the corner of a CD case held to the robber's throat.

"Put the gun down or I'm gonna be mopping up your face as community service after I kill you!" she threatened.

"Boy, she sure knows how to threaten people, doesn't she?" Kurama muttered. Hiei sighed and dropped his hands.

"Stupid girl."

"What are you gonna do? Slit my throat with a CD case?" the man scoffed.

"No, I'm going to embed it in your neck and bathe in your blood. Do you have any blood diseases, STDs, anything like that I should know about first?"

_CRACK._

The guy smacked her in the head with his gun. She went cross-eyed and slumped to the floor with a stupid grin on her face. Eclipse, with a yell, leapt up on a shelf and started flinging CD cases like oversized shuriken. She managed to hit the cashier in the eye and nearly break Shadow's nose, but, as she said, "Holy Jesus! He's like an anti-CD case barrier!"

"Eclipse! Get down, you idiot!" Kurama snapped. But before the cashier's eye had met the corner of a CD case, he'd managed to get most of the money in the bag the robber had given him. So the robber simply snatched the bag off the counter and darted. Shadow shook herself into the real world and, grabbing some of the CD shuriken Eclipse had failed to hit the man with, she ran after him. From the doorway, she flung the few she was holding, then started grabbing and flinging in rapid succession some CDs from a large bin of used and returned CDs.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU THIEVING SON OF A BITCH!" she screaming, flinging one extra hard. This one hit its mark, and the guy found a CD case embedded in the back of his knee. He faltered, and boom, Shadow hit him three more times in the legs. Of course, now he was in considerable pain and fell. The girl, saviour of the CD Store's money, ran to his fallen form with Hiei and the others close behind.

"Did you learn your lesson?" she asked, jerking the common household weapons out of the guy's legs. He was unconscious.

"Where's the money?" Kurama asked suddenly, looking all around. Shadow blinked.

"Money? He had money? I don't know."

Hiei, meanwhile, was on his cell phone.

"Jesus Christ, no need to be such a bitch," he said, first thing. Kurama spared him a puzzled glance. "I'm off work, you know. But whatever. Point is, I'm at the mall, and my friends and I were just in a store that got robbed. We caught the guy. What do you want me to do?"

Ah, Kurama thought. Talking to that stupid son of a bitch Kyouken...

People were gathering. Yusuke reached in Hiei's coat and grabbed his badge, showing it to the people around, nodding and looking important. Hiei snatched it back as he returned his phone to his pocket.

"Idiot."

Shadow was on the ground staring at her reflection in the blood pooling around her victim's legs. She had a big old grin on her face, utterly fascinated by the liquid from his wounds.

"I didn't think you could hurt a person that badly with CD cases," Kurama muttered.

"Hey fox, find those girls. They're witnesses," Hiei said, doing crowd control until the mall security showed up. "Kyouken sent some people, they'll be here soon." The fox darted off.

Hiei was quickly discovering that being in civilian clothing and flashing a badge didn't work as well as being in uniform. People were automatically intimidated by a man in uniform. A little shiny piece of metal in the hands of a vertically challenged man in a black trench coat didn't seem to have the same effect. But he knew something that would.

"Shadow," he said, barely managing to keep the people from bending over and poking the body. She looked up. "Crowd control, if you would."

She jumped up. "ALRIGHT EVERYONE, BACK UP, BACK UP, GIVE THIS MAN SOME AIR! HE'S DYING HERE, YOU KNOW!" She bent back to Hiei. "You might want to do something about that. He's bleeding all over the place." Returning to the crowd, she continued. "BACK UP! NOW!" She snarled and gnashed her teeth and jumped around like a rabid bunny, even doing the bunny nibble thing with her teeth. People backed up in fear of her.

When the security finally arrived, Hiei had bandaged up the guy's bloody legs (with the guy's own bloody pants I may add). The crowd was about ten feet away on all sides due to Shadow jumping around on her hands and feet like a rabbit or a frog, snarling and gnashing and hissing like a rabid animal of some odd sort. Kurama was standing with Eclipse and the six fan girls from the CD store, with Yusuke and Keiko nearby, but even Keiko didn't want to be all that close to Shadow at the moment.

Security took over crowd control and whatever Hiei had been doing, so Hiei snatched Shadow up to her feet.

"Where's the money?"

"Money?" she asked, acting completely like a humanoid again.

"Yes, Shadow. He ran out of the store with the money, and he didn't have it when you caught up to him. The money." He held out his hand.

"I don't have it!"

"I know you, Shadow. I'll frisk you if I must, but--"

"Ooh! Yes! Frisk me, frisk me!"

Hiei sighed. "Really, Shadow... I'd really rather you just gave me the money. I'll frisk you at home. It's already got your fingerprints on it."

"No it doesn't!" She pulled rubber gloves out of her back pocket, grinning.

"You just _admitted_ you took it! You know if you don't give it back you can be arrested."

"Find it."

"Shadow!"

She stuck out her tongue. The corner of Hiei's mouth curved downwards.

"Fine," he sighed.

"Yay!"

He put her arms out to her sides and pushed her feet apart. Thing was, this was Shadow he was frisking, and with Shadow, like with cartoons, there could be an elephant in her pocket and you wouldn't be able to tell no matter how much you searched.

Of course, right about when Hiei had his hands on her thigh, Kyouken himself pushed through the crowd.

"Jaganshi! What the hell are you doing!"

"Frisking her," he replied curtly.

"Why the hell would you do that!"

"She, um... Took the money."

"What money?"

"See! He doesn't know what you're talking about either!" Shadow snapped.

"You _told me_ you did, stupid!" Hiei snapped, standing up.

"Oh yeah. Well then where is it? It's not in my pockets, is it?"

"Yes it is."

"Then take it out, Jaganshi!" Kyouken snapped.

"I can't," Hiei replied.

"Why the hell not?"

"Allow me to demonstrate," Shadow said cheerfully, reaching in her pocket. She pulled out a colored cloth strip and handed it to Hiei. It had a knot on the end, and a different colored cloth tied to it, leading into her pocket. "Pull on that."

He did. And there was no end to the cloth. No end. Ever. Shadow helped him pull it out, until they were knee deep in cloth strips (each one of which had a different design).

"My pockets are endless," Shadow said. "You never know what could come out of them."

Kyouken growled and pushed her arms up and frisked her, and she looked at Hiei in terror. Then the guy started searching her pockets.

"You won't find it," Hiei said. Kyouken jumped back as his searching hand pulled out a white rat from Shadow's pocket. She grabbed it and hugged it.

"Henri! I should have sicced Henri on that thief, shouldn't I have, Henri! Have you been eating well?"

The rat sat on her shoulder and she grinned. Hiei stared.

"D'you got a poodle in there anywhere?" he asked sarcastically. She looked thoughtful.

"You know, I just might..." She started searching her pockets, pulling out a wide variety of useless things. A paperclip, some gum wrappers, a canister of hermit crab food, a mousetrap, and a crumpled up ball of paper were a few examples. The paper she looked at curiously.

"Where'd this come from?" She uncrinkled it and looked at it. "Hiei... Who is Miki Hanako?"

His eyes widened and he snatched the paper from her hands, paling slightly. "How the hell did this get in your pocket!" he squeaked.

"Are you having an affair!"

"ENOUGH!" Kyouken yelled. "You're under arrest!" He pulled out handcuffs and went for Shadow's wrists.

"Wait, you stupid bastard! I still have a pocket to search!" She stuck her hand in an inside coat pocket and looked thoughtful. Kyouken looked furious. "Ah!" Withdrawing her hand, she tossed a bag to Kyouken and handed a small black dog to Hiei. He took it, not knowing what else to do with it. It barked in his face.

"It's a pikapoo. No poodles, sorry."

"How the hell did you..." Kyouken started.

"Now, now, if I told you how I did it, it wouldn't be secret anymore."

"No shit, you stupid girl! So tell me!"

"Can't. Even I don't know. It's just... a talent!"

"What am I supposed to do with this, Shadow?" Hiei asked, holding the pikapoo out in front of him and staring at it as it panted happily.

"Hold it, name it, feed it, love it," she cooed sweetly.

"I didn't really want a dog, you idiot! I was being sarcastic!"

"Oh. Well in that case... Come on, Kumori," she said, grabbing the dog and stuffing it back in her pocket. "Henri, you too." The white rat scurried off her shoulder and went into a different pocket. Kyouken watched this in horror.

By now, the thief had been carried off by paramedics, a janitor was mopping up the blood, and Kyouken's officers were questioning Kurama, Yusuke, and the girls.

"We'll need to ask you what happened," Kyouken managed to say. "Not like I trust the word of a freak like you, but it's procedure. Hideki, come here and get these freaks' accounts."

A young officer went to Hiei and Shadow, and Kyouken barely managed to keep from stumbling as he left the scene. What he'd just seen was outside all rules of Physics. He would have to go home, he decided, and run extensive self-examinations. Perhaps he was just dreaming.

When Hiei and Shadow were through recounting their experience to Hideki-san, he asked if they knew of any more witnesses.

"I don't," Shadow said.

"There wasn't anybody else," Hiei said.

"Hey! I like, so totally saw the like, whole thing, dude."

Shadow and Hiei spun to stare at none other than Random Surfer Dude.

"Hey, Dude!"

"Hey, Hiei, dude, I like, totally heard about your like, relationship deal, dude. I think that's like, totally tubular. I totally dig it. Shadow's a totally hot chick."

"...Thanks, Dude," Hiei said, one eyebrow raised. Shadow squealed and hugged RSD.

"It's good to see you again, Dude!" she cheered.

"Like, you too, Shadow."

"Um... You said you saw the whole thing?" Hideki interrupted hesitantly.

"Yeah, like, all of it. Pretty radical, dude."

"Um... I'll need your name..."

"Like, Random Surfer Dude, like, at your service, dude."

"...That's your name?"

"No, but isn't it a like, awesome title?"

Hideki's eye twitched.

"So like, here's what happened, dude. The dude went in the, like, store. And, like, he had a gun, y'know? And he was like, 'DON'T MOVE OR I'LL KILL YOU!' and everyone was like, 'OH MY GOD!' except Shadow, but she got, like, cracked in the head with a gun and like, fell over. So Eclipse went, like, ninja on the dude, dude. It was radical. But she missed. Like, every time. So the dude, like, bolted, dude, and Shadow totally woke up and like, went whoop-ass ninja on his like, hiney. It was tubular. Radical. Awesome."

Hideki was standing there, his eye twitching uncontrollably. Hiei clapped him on the shoulder.

"He said the exact same thing as me, only in less words. Don't worry."

"Uh-huh..." the officer squeaked.

"Like, dude and dudette, totally kudos on your like, relationship. I think it's like, radical. You two, dude and dudette, make a tubular couple. Well, gotta fly, dudes."

And as fast and randomly he'd come, he was gone. Poof. Shadow, however, waved as if he were walking away slowly. Hiei hit her hand.

"Can we go home now?" he asked Hideki.

"Of course," he muttered.

The rest of their group, plus six fan girls, were found in the food court. Hiei and Shadow crossed to them.

"Ready to get out of here?" Hiei asked.

"_Please_," Kurama replied, standing.

"Where's Eclipse?"

"In my car, curled up and shuddering in dread terror of these girls," he muttered. He raised his voice. "Let's go, Yusuke. Keiko."

The group piled back in their cars, stuffing their purchases in the trunks, and headed home. Or, in Kurama and Eclipse's case, the Jaganshi residence.

By the time they arrived home, it was past midnight. Kurama practically fell onto the couch.

"I'm so tired," he muttered.

"Then go to bed," Shadow advised intelligently.

"I can't believe you did that," he said, sitting up and opening his eyes.

"What?"

"Crippled that guy! In front of all those people! You're lucky you weren't arrested for that, or for the way you were acting afterwards! You know there's gonna be dozens of rumors flying around by the time we get back to school."

Shadow shrugged. "So the whole world will know I crippled some guy with CD cases in a mall. Big whoop."

"Did you see the look on Kyouken's face when you were pulling all that stuff out of your pockets? He doesn't believe in anything out of the ordinary, and that was clearly out of the ordinary. He'd call it magic, and he thinks magic is bullshit," Hiei chuckled. "He lectured me on it once."

"You'd better rest up, Hiei. Remember you have to play paintball with Yusuke tomorrow," Kurama reminded, dragging himself to his feet and heading for the stairs.

"Oh. Yeah."

"And by rest, he means sleep, not lay in bed making out," Eclipse clarified.

"That's restful," Shadow protested.

"Not the way you two do it, I'm sure," Kurama murmured, halfway up the stairs.

"Fine," Hiei said. "We'll lay on the _couch_ and make out."

"Whatever," the redhead sighed. "It's your life."

"_Thank you_, Kurama!" Shadow said, bowing. "You're the first one to realize that!"

"G'night, Shadow."

Eclipse glanced at them, then at the stairs, and bolted for the latter. Hand-in-hand, the fire demons followed. Oh, what joy it brought them to freak out their friends.

* * *

**SEKAH-** No, I have not seen the uncut version of the Kurama vs. Karasu fight, though I deeply want to since I'm some kind of sick sadist. I like pain and blood and perverted comments (Karasu makes me shudder with disgust. I think that's why I like him). And I guess I'll ignore Duo, since he's the **only** one who's been pleading with me to "switch back to humor" (thought I still wonder, if I've got to switch **back** to humor, what is this story? Romance and horror? He makes it sound like it's not humorous at all... AND WE ALL KNOW MY BIG FAT EGO CAN'T HANDLE THAT!) 

I was asked by a certain reviewer, **"R U GOING TO HAVE HIEI AND SHADOW HAVE SEX AT OR NEAR THE END OF THIS STORY?"** I know the answer, but just out of curiousity, what is your opinion on this? Do you think they should or shouldn't? And if you have a reason, feel free to share.

_**-Shadow Jaganshi**_


	16. Paintball, And Other Events

**(4-20-05) Woo, another early updatey thingy...  
**In answer to the **"are they gonna have sex"** question, I say **"Not in this story, but they will get around to it. And I severely doubt you'll be seeing any lemon out of me."** So, for those of you who said, **"OH MY GOD NO AND IF YOU DO I'LL KILL YOU AND YOU WILL DIE AND YOU WILL BE DEAD AND DEATH AWAITS YOU ALL WITH NASTY BIG POINTY TEETH!"** You can feel safe I won't be writing any sex.  
**We're on 413 reviews, kids! I'm soooo HAPPY! Thank you, I love you all (in that... "You love my stories so I appreciate your existence" sort of way).**

Don't you just love the chapter title?

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN  
**Paintball and Other Events

Yusuke showed up at the Jaganshi house around ten in the morning the following day. Kuwabara was with him, and they found the door unlocked. Letting themselves in silently, they left their paintball gear on the porch and snuck silently into the living room. The television was on, so they dropped to their hands and knees and crawled silently around the back of the couch. (Lots of silence here.)

Putting one finger to his lips in the universal sign for silence, Yusuke started to stand up. He loomed over Kurama as the redhead sat there reading quietly, giving no signs of having any idea Yusuke or Kuwabara were there.

"Hey Kurama!" Yusuke said loudly, grabbing his friend's shoulders.

"Good morning, Yusuke," the fox replied pleasantly, not even startled in the least.

"Man! What the hell! I was _dead silent_ from the second I came in this house!"

"I heard your car door outside."

Yusuke swore. "I'm gonna try to get Hiei and Shadow. Are they awake?"

"Probably not."

"Great!" With a grin, he and his friend snuck up the stairs silently. They went to Shadow's door together, and from there, Yusuke went on alone. He turned the knob, thanking the couple for leaving it unlocked, and opened the door silently, thanking Shadow for taking such good care of that house that the doors did not squeak and the stairs and floors did not creak. He snuck into the room and went to the pair on the bed.

_They_ both_ look like little children! Cute. I need a picture. Later. Well, here goes._

He grabbed their shoulders, simultaneously shouting, "OOGA BOOGA ZORK!"

"HOLY HELL!"

Shadow's fist impacted Yusuke's face and sent him flying. Hiei, who had _not_ been startled, cracked up.

"Owww..." Yusuke whined, sitting on the floor a few feet away gingerly touching his cheek. "Stop laughing, Hiei!"

"You're so stupid, Yusuke," the fire demon laughed.

"Did I scare you?"

"Hardly. I sensed you. You obviously frightened Shadow, though..."

"Shut up," Yusuke and Shadow said in unison. They then glared at each other in unison and looked away in unison.

"STOP IT!" they shouted in unison (they even looked the same direction).

"ARGH!" they cried simultaneously.

"SHUT UP!" Again, in unison. Now they both silenced and crossed their arms in unison. They snarled at each other in unison for this, and stopped in unison when they realized they were snarling in unison.

"I can fix this," Hiei told them. "Want me to?"

"YES! PLEASE!" they cried, only _partly_ in unison, due to Shadow's sudden inability to say anything past Hiei's lips.

"Perfect," Yusuke muttered, glaring.

"But it worked, didn't it?" Kuwabara pointed out.

"True enough," the other teen sighed. "Hey lovebirds!"

Hiei pulled away from their tender kiss to look questioningly at Yusuke.

"Paintball time. C'mon, lazy."

"Paintball? I haven't even eaten breakfast, you moron!" Hiei snapped. Yusuke blinked and looked at him, puzzled. "What?"

"What are all those bandages for?" the boy asked.

"I was sparring yesterday."

"Ha! So now, if you beat me at paintball, I really must be a loser! Good thing you won't!"

"Yeah, sure I won't. I beat you before, didn't I?"

"A long, long time ago..."

"I'm gonna have breakfast," he announced, getting out of bed, "and then I guess I'll play your stupid paintball."

"Of course you will. We have to decide whether I'm better than you, remember?"

"I'm only humoring you, Yusuke."

"Uh-huh."

So, after breakfast, they geared up for paintball. Kurama declined the offer to join, and told them he would be ref. So it was every man for himself, unless you were a female.

The second Kurama let them loose, they divided themselves up. Yusuke and Hiei darted off together to murder each other with paint (they weren't wearing typical heavy paintball armor... they were too good for that. And also, Yusuke didn't own any). Shadow and Eclipse went off to murder Kuwabara with paint. Kuwabara ran from the two psychos like the pansy little girl he is.

"Don't hurt me!"

"That's the point of this, isn't it!" Shadow cackled insanely. "To hurt you!"

"To hurt _each other_!" Kuwabara corrected frantically, nearly tripping over a branch as he clumsily ran through the woods with two nimble psychos on his tail.

"Then try to hurt us, Kuwabara!" Eclipse taunted.

"I can't! You'll kill me!"

"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SHOT YOU ONCE YET!" Shadow launched herself at Kuwabara and he screamed and ran even faster. The girl rolled as she landed and stopped on one knee, took aim, and shot him in the back. He screamed like a little girl and spun around, letting loose a half a gazillion paintballs at her. She screeched and lunged behind a tree.

"I'm not scared of you! I was just bluffing!" Kuwabara gloated.

Shadow scurried up the tree like an insect, out on a branch, over to the next tree, and dropped down behind Kuwabara, putting her gun against his back (God, she's so honorable, isn't she?).

"Scared now?"

Eclipse shot Kuwabara in several vital points and left him crippled on the ground as she and Shadow ran off to kill each other.

Meanwhile, off with Yusuke and Hiei, Yusuke currently had the upper hand. Hiei had his back pressed against a tree wider than him, on the other side of which was Yusuke, laughing maniacally.

"I told you I was better than you!" the boy was bragging. "Come on, though! You don't need to hide!"

Hiei tilted his head slightly as a familiar sound reached his ears. Smirking, he turned a bit and jumped up to the lowest branch on his sheild just as two psychos came flying into view, running parallel to each other and shooting as they did so, missing every time, shouting insults and swearwords. Yusuke, lucky him, happened to be between them when they ran by. He yelped and found himself under assault.

"Where's Hiei, loser?"

"Yeah, really, loser! What'd you do with him?"

"I--"

"Did you kill him, you stupid bastard?"

"Is he hanging by his ankles in a tree someplace?"

In unison, both girls looked up and around, then returned to Yusuke, aiming their guns at his head.

"Did you sacrifice him?"

"Kidnap him?"

"Rape him?"

"Sell him on eBay?"

"Where is he, damn you!"

On cue, Hiei began his own assault, only with paintballs, not words. Yusuke yelled as the paint hit his chest and legs and arms and anywhere but his face. Momentarily crippled, he fell to the ground and Hiei had a minute to speak to the girls.

"Where's the baka?"

"Crippled back there someplace," Shadow said generally, waving off to her right.

"You're aware you've wasted most of your ammo and if he decides to get up, you'll be unarmed."

Shadow shook her head. "Me? Unarmed? You should know better, my dear Hiei."

"Oh. Right. Never mind."

Snickering insanely, the two girls darted off to kill each other some more, just as Yusuke dragged himself to his feet. Hiei flitted off.

"Freakin' stupid..." the teen muttered, looking off in the direction Hiei had gone. "THIS ISN'T HIDE-AND-SEEK, YOU KNOW!"

"Well it's not 'let's just stand here and shoot each other like idiots,' either," Shadow pointed out, jumping out of a tree and darting past Yusuke. Eclipse came flying after her a second later.

"Yeah, loser! Get some exercise!"

The boy glared evilly after them, then started running after Hiei.

Back with Kuwabara...

Kuwabara is still lying on the ground in a crippled heap. Random small fluffy forest-dwelling creatures had come by, and he was less some hair and skin and blood, but he'd gained a pile of deer poop on his head. Lucky him! Shadow and Eclipse, skipping past, saw this and laughed mercilessly at him until he woke up.

"What...? What are you guys laughing at?"

"Nothing, Kuwabara. You're just sleeping a bit when you're supposed to be shooting us," Shadow managed to gag.

"Owies... Why does my head hurt?" He put his hand up to figure out the answer, and put it... in the deer poo. Letting out a shriek, he ran off to take a shower or something. Halfway there, he tripped into a ditch and was instantly covered in oversized tarantulas. How did they get there? I dunno.

"Tch. That's funny," Eclipse said. "He's got poo in his hair and he's being eaten by tarantulas. Oh well." She cracked Shadow in the head with her gun.

"Ow! You bastard!" She returned the attack and they ended up cracking each other in the head repeatedly, then strangling each other and totally discarding their guns to wrestle around clawing and punching and biting and hitting each others' heads off rocks and trees and throwing each other down cliffs and...

Let's see how Kurama's doing.

Kurama, having watched the group vanish into the forest, then went into the house. Responsible ref, isn't he? But wait, it gets better. He made lemonade, went into the living room, and sat there watching television while sipping lemonade (the day after New Year's is not an ideal time to sit by the pool and sip lemonade, so he improvised a bit).

Kurama is a good ref.

Meanwhile, Kuwabara, now completely buried in tarantulas, was screaming for help. He knew those girls were there! How could they be so cruel as to ignore him like this?

However... these two girls were indeed _not_ there, and were in fact quite far away, drowning each other in the calm and precious pool beside which Hiei had first admitted love for Shadow. Ironic.

"DIE!" Eclipse was currently screaming, hodlign (holding) Shadow's head under the water.

If Shadow tried to say anything, it merely came out as a mass of bubbles. Her need to retort to _everything_ would be her downfall if ever she really _was_ being drowned. Wait. She _was_ really being drowned. Right now.

They were both in the water, Shadow under it, Eclipse up to her chest, and the former was quickly running out of oxygen. She started waving her arms frantically, wondering how serious Eclipse really was, and suddenly went limp to test her. Eclipse let out a shriek and dragged her out of the water and onto the soft grass in the oh-so-lovely clearing.

"OH MY GOD! I MURDERED HER WHERE SHE FIRST FELT LOVE! Isn't that ironic... SHE'S DEAD!"

Shadow waited until the girl was good and fake-emotional, screaming and crying, before she spit a fountain of water out at her face and jumped up, punting her friend into the pond and darting off.

At that precise moment, Hiei happened to flit into the clearing and pause for a moment to glance around.

Without warning at all, Eclipse launched out of the water and tackled Hiei. He let out a yell and clubbed her in the head with his gun. She fell off him and lay there with her eyes crossed.

"Oops. That's not Yusuke." He got up and flitted away.

Moments later, he came across a ditch full of arachnids. At first he thought they were screaming arachnids, which would have caught his interest. But then he realized there was only one voice, and it was very loud, frightened, and familiar.

"Baka," he muttered.

"HELP ME! SHADOW? ECLIPSE? HELP! I KNOW YOU'RE THERE! I'M TERRIFIED OF SPIDERS! SAVE ME AND I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT FOR A MONTH!"

At this, Hiei's interest was regained. He used fire to chase away all the spiders and he crouched by the ditch where Kuwabara was laying face-down. Pulling his sunglasses--the only sheildling on his face--down on his nose, he looked at the boy.

"Does that offer still hold if for me?" he asked, smirking. Kuwabara rolled over and screamed.

"HIEI!"

"Yeah. It's me. What of it?"

Kuwabara's mouth moved, but all he seemed capable of saying was, "H-H-Hiei!"

The fire demon sighed heavily and straightened, pushing his glasses back up on his nose. "If that's all, I'll be going. These tarantulas probably want to get their ditch back." He kicked one of the said critters onto Kuwabara. The boy let out a girly shriek and lunged out of the ditch, tackling Hiei from behind.

"NOOOO!"

"JESUS CHRIST! GET OFF ME!" Hiei wrestled out of the larger boy's grip and cracked him in the head with his gun too.

"OWIE!" But he let go and crawled away. Hiei lay there gasping for a bit until a flittery black shape nearby caught his attention and he sat up, just as a war cry erupted from the trees and sent all the tarantulas scurrying for their mommies.

"AIYI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YIIIIII!"

Shadow landed above him on her hands and knees, straddling him. He lay on his back staring up at her.

"Having fun?" he asked.

"Eclipse tried to kill me."

"Oh. She tried to kill me, too, and I clubbed her in the head. She's probably lying bleeding next to that pond."

"Muwahahaha... I wanna go look at her dying corpse."

"You're... psychotic."

"Yeah. So?"

Hiei shrugged. "Just felt like pointing it out."

"Oh." She smiled. "Are _you_ having fun? How are you faring with Yusuke?"

"He thinks I'm a pansy because I ran."

Shadow chuckled. "We all know he's the real pansy, 'cause he doesn't want to chase you."

Hiei's eyes darted to his right for a split second, and Shadow looked the same way, but neither turned their heads. At the exact right moment, the girl lunged backwards from Hiei and he darted up into the nearest tree, both successfully dodging Yusuke's paintballs.

"You guys are bastards! This is paintball, not love and make-out time!"

"By definition, we actually are bastards," Shadow told him. "And I don't have a gun anymore, so I can't play paintball."

"What's that, then?" Yusuke asked accusingly, pointing to her gun on the ground nearby.

"My gun. It's out of ammo." She picked it up and looked at it. "Oh, wait, no it's not!" She shot Yusuke and Hiei and ran away laughing maniacally, waving the gun above her head. Hiei took advantage of the two seconds Yusuke was distracted, and again began a paintball assault.

Six hours later, five bruised and exhausted teens came limping in the door. Their guns and the light paintball armor they had worn had been discarded on the porch. Only two of them were really limping--the other three were being dragged.

"I told you," Hiei panted, "that I was better than you at everything, Yusuke."

"Shut up."

Hiei and Yusuke were the only ones who had abided by any sort of paintball rules at all, so they were not sporting half as many injuries as the other three. Shadow and Eclipse were by far the worst, as they had taken the opportunity to maul on each other and Kuwabara as much as they could. They'd taken turns. When either Shadow or Eclipse was unconscious someplace, the other of the two would seek out Kuwabara and pummel him until their real opponent returned and they could continue hurting each other.

Hiei was currently carrying Shadow in his arms and had Eclipse on his back. Yusuke was dragging Kuwabara along by his ankle. Because of this, when the door shut behind him, it shut on Kuwabara's head. He didn't notice.

It wasn't that Shadow wasn't conscious, of course. It was just that she had barely stopped moving for the past six and a half hours. The time she had not been moving totalled to about one hour out of six and a half (and that was the time she had been unconscious from head trauma). The same went for Eclipse. Kuwabara had been motionless most of the time, because he had been either unconscious or cowering or recovering. He was unconscious right now.

"Well," Hiei muttered, dragging himself over to the couch, "I've got to go to work in what... four hours?" He dropped Eclipse on top of Kurama, startling the sleeping boy into wakefulness.

"What the--! Oh, God... Eclipse, you look like shit."

"Thanks," the girl replied. "You were too busy sleeping to come get me, and poor crippled Hiei had to carry around twice his own body weight, you bastard."

"Well sor-ry! I would've come if you'd come and got me."

"You were the ref!" Hiei retorted. "Aren't you supposed to keep track of the players and call fouls and stuff?"

"You know you all would have killed me if I'd have called a foul on you." He glanced at Hiei. "Oh. You look pretty bad too, Hiei. You feeling up to working tonight?"

"Well let's see, Kurama. Yusuke found the worst injury you gave me yesterday, and aimed for that every time he shot me. I wouldn't be surprised if my entire left side is purple."

"So you lost?"

"Oh no. I won."

"You won!"

Hiei nodded, wincing a bit as he set Shadow in her chair and removed his shirt. "Ah, shit. Yusuke, you bastard..."

His entire left side, or at least what was visible beyond the bandages from the spar, was indeed a giant bruise.

"Yikes," Kurama muttered.

"Serves you right, you asshole!" Yusuke snapped, sitting down next to Kurama on the couch.

"I still beat you, though."

"If I could move, I'd come over there and clobber you for what you did to my precious Hiei," Shadow threatened, glaring at Yusuke. Then she relaxed in her chair, eyes returning to Hiei, "But I can't, so you're safe for the moment."

"Like you could hurt me anyways."

"You can't move?" Kurama asked worriedly.

"Nope."

"Neither can I," Eclipse said from his arms. "Thanks for asking."

"I'm sorry. Why can't you move? And where's Kuwabara?"

Yusuke's eyes widened and he hurried back to the door. "Oops."

"What is oops?" Kurama asked.

"He'll be okay with a bit of Yukina's tender loving care," he assured them, dragging the boy's head out of the doorway. He looked at him and added, "And maybe a bit of reconstructive surgery..."

"Yukina's not going to do _anything_ to him. C'mon, Shadow," Hiei said, picking up the girl and walking towards the basement stairs. "Kurama!"

"Yes sir," the fox sighed, lifting Eclipse and following hurriedly after his friend. With a sigh, Yusuke gathered up Kuwabara and trailed after them.

"I thought nothing could hurt you, Shadow?" he taunted in the infirmary as he watched Hiei tending her wounds with uncharacteristic tenderness.

"YOU try getting strangled, kicked, drowned, hit in the head with a gun, rocks, branches, thrown down a rocky hill, against a jagged cave wall, out of the tallest tree in the forest, drowned again, bitten, scratched, spit on, fed to a nest of wolverines, used as bait to catch a shark, th--"

"Wait, wait, wait," Kurama stopped her. She looked at him curiously.

"Yes?"

"You're getting unrealistic. Wolverines don't live around here. Neither do sharks."

"What do you know? The forest around my house is just as fucked up as the house itself is! If I wanted, there could be a dragon in there."

"'If you wanted'? You're a creep, you know that?" Yusuke said. She glared.

"At least one person here likes me," she muttered, obviously meaning Hiei.

"I like you!" Eclipse said, trying to throw her hand in the air as if volunteering an answer in school. Instead she ended up twitching her arm and every joint in it cracked. "Eeeeck."

"This is the most pain I've ever seen you two in," Kurama said. "Ever."

"It's probably the most pain you'll ever see us in," Shadow replied. "I've never even got this hurt in a fight in Makai... Isn't that amusing? My best friend beats the shit out of me worse than some creepy demon who wants to either rape me or eat my liver, or drink my virgin blood."

"Then again, we were both on offense... We didn't do a whole lot of defense..." Eclipse was musing to herself.

"I don't think we did _any_ defense, unless you include trying to turn to land so we didn't break our necks..."

"You two..." Hiei muttered. "I can't believe you. This is unreal."

"Yeah, well..." Shadow said. "If the question ever arises, at least now you know I'm not afraid to get hurt, under the right circumstances."

"I already knew that. Just not to this extent," Hiei muttered, wrapping bandages around her head.

Some time later, all of them had their wounds tended to and were lying on beds in the infirmary. Kurama was sitting on a counter along the wall, leaning on a glass-doored cabinet full of medicines.

"If I ever hear you guys plotting to play paintball again, I'll chain you all up and wipe your memories. I can't believe you did that..."

"I'm hungry," Shadow muttered. "Could somebody make me food?"

With a sigh, Kurama got up. "Don't kill each other while I'm gone." He left and Hiei instantly got off his bed, going to Shadow's. She dragged herself into a sitting position, leaning on the wall.

"Lay down right this instant," Hiei commanded. "You can't move. You're not allowed."

"What're you gonna do? Chain me up?"

"Ooooh, kinky," Yusuke and Eclipse said in unison.

"You wish," Hiei retorted, mocking a glare at Shadow.

"Maybe I do," she said. Hiei's eyes widened a bit.

"Bondage games!" Eclipse cheered. "Two crippled people going at it like bunnies!"

Hiei frowned. "You're disgusting, Eclipse. It's certainly not going to help me heal to be trapped in a room with you." He gave Shadow a quick kiss on the cheek and was out the door. Yusuke followed, harassing him about, "What? No sex? Come on, I wanna watch!"

Hiei paused on the stairs, then shuddered violently and continued.

"DON'T LEAVE ME!" Shadow wailed a few minutes after he'd vanished and silence had settled over them. After a few seconds with no response, she let out a piteous wail like a wounded animal and dragged it out for five seconds, pausing for two, then doing it again.

Up in the kitchen, Yusuke glared at Hiei.

"Go do something about your bitch, Hiei," he demanded. Hiei glared. "I meant, like, she's your pet! And she sounds like a dog! And she's a she! She-dog... Pet... Bitch... Y'know?"

"Yusuke," Kurama warned.

"What?"

Hiei rolled his eyes and headed for the basement again. The second he came into sight, Shadow yipped happily and looked at him expectantly, like... well, like a dog.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"You left me!"

"I'm not allowed to leave?"

"No! She owns you, remember?" Eclipse answered. "She's got you whipped, Hiei!"

"Shut up!" both the fire demons snapped.

"Of course you're allowed to leave," Shadow said. "But not until we kiss."

"Oh. I have no objections to that."

"I do! Oh, oh, I do, I do!" Eclipse said excitedly.

"Look to your left. We're over here, Kuwabara's over there. If you can't decide which you'd rather look at, close your eyes," Hiei said, one hand on Shadow's cheek.

Eclipse's eyes darted from left to right, and eventually settled on the right. "Kuwabara's even uglier than normal right now," she explained to their questioning looks.

"Ah."

Hiei leaned forward and captured Shadow's lips. Eclipse turned her head to get a better view.

"Tongue!" she cried victoriously, pointing. "I see a tongue! SMOOOOCH!"

Shadow faltered a bit, nearly laughing, but restrained it and continued her exploration of Hiei's mouth, despite Eclipse lying about three feet away singing "smooch" and "tongue" in random order over and over.

"Smooch smooch, tongue tongue, tongue smooch, tongue tongue tongue tongue, smooch smooch smooch smooch smooch, tongue smooch tongue!" she sang.

"Mm... I love you," Shadow murmured, relaxing back against the wall. Hiei kissed her again, tenderly on the lips.

"Love you too."

"Oh my God!" Eclipse shouted excitedly. "That's the first time I've heard you say that! It's... like, amazing!"

"Really? It's 'like-amazing'? What is 'like-amazing,' as you say?" Shadow said.

"Shut up!"

"Can I go upstairs now?" Hiei asked. "I have to punch Yusuke. He called you a bitch."

"What? That _asshole_!" Shadow jumped up and darted out of the room.

"Holy shit!" Hiei cried. When he got upstairs, Shadow had already punched Yusuke and was now shaking him around by his neck. Kurama was staring, dinner forgotten and burning in a pan on the stove.

"Dinner's burning," Shadow said once Yusuke was good and senseless. She clubbed the boy in the head again and dropped him to the floor. Kurama jumped and swore as he turned off the stove before the chicken he was cooking turned into a black charcoal chunk.

"How the hell do you do that?" Hiei asked.

"What?"

"There is not a single part of your body that does not have a bruise or a cut or some sort of affliction, and you just beat the shit out of Yusuke!"

"Oh. Um... It must be the power you imparted to me during our passionate kiss," she guessed randomly.

"Oh yeah. You guys went all day without kissing!" Kurama said, amazed. "Didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Wow. I should not only get you reservations at that restaurant, but I should pay for your entire meal. Unfortunately, I don't have that much money."

"That's okay. We've got it covered. Just get us in," Hiei said. "Now finish dinner. I'm starving."

"You are not. You ate a huge breakfast this morning."

"So? I haven't eaten anything since."

"Whatever. Go occupy yourself until I tell you you can come eat. And get Yusuke out of my way."

"Okay!" Shadow agreed excitedly. She swung her leg and kicked Yusuke in the ribs, sending him rolling down the hall.

"That had to hurt," Hiei groaned. He thought distinctly that he'd heard a crack.

"Most likely," Shadow agreed happily.

_**

* * *

**_

Yusuke woke up several hours later, three bruises wealthier with a throbbing headache. He dragged himself up and staggered into the living room. His memory was a bit fuzzy, but he quickly remembered when he saw Shadow.

"You hit me!" he accused. She nodded, her eyes not leaving the television.

"Uh-huh."

"How? You're, like... Half dead!"

Again, she nodded, eyes still glued to the television.

"Uh-huh."

"Are you listening to me?"

Nod. "Yeah. Of course."

Yusuke frowned a bit, looking at the TV, then back at Shadow. "You're ugly."

"Mm-hm."

"Hiei's ugly."

"Uh-huh."

"Eclipse died."

"Sure."

Another thoughtful pause from the teen, then, "Hiei's gay."

"Huh-uh." Shadow blinked and finally looked at him. "Oh! Hi Yusuke!"

"How come you agreed to everything else without realizing it but you denied that one?"

"Did what?"

"I called both you and Hiei ugly, told you Eclipse died, and you agreed, then I say Hiei's gay and you say 'huh-uh'."

"I did? You were talking to me?"

"Yes, Shadow."

"Well I was watching TV. I didn't hear a word of it."

"I could have been some psycho rapist and you would have been too busy watching television to notice."

"Yeah, probably."

"I could have kidnapped you and you wouldn't have noticed until you couldn't see the television anymore."

"Yes. Why didn't you?"

"Are you nuts? I'm not _that_ stupid, Shadow."

"Stupid? Why would it be stupid to kidnap me?"

"I can see it now: You, bound to a chair in a one-room cabin in a remote mountain range someplace. Five minutes after you were threatened with a gun, you start singing and dancing and being stupid, and ultimately irritate your captor until he _pays you _to go away and never associate with him again."

"Only an idiot would kidnap Shadow," Hiei said from behind him. "I don't have to worry about her. That's part of the reason I like her."

Shadow literally glowed, grinning from ear to ear. "I'm special."

"You're special alright," Yusuke scoffed, then added quietly as he left, "Special in the head... Nutjob."

He'd totally forgotten he'd come to yell at her for hitting him.

"I'm going to work now, koishii," Hiei said.

"Don't kill Kyouken if he's an asshole," she advised sweetly.

"I'll try not to," he replied. "Ja mata."

She jumped up and kissed him on the cheek. "Oh! My show's back on. Bye!"

Hiei chuckled and left.

Work was hell for Hiei. No more than ten minutes after he'd arrived, he was sent out with his partner in the backup team for a robbery/murder with hostages. And of course, since he wasn't going to _tell_ Kyouken that he felt like shit, he had to act like normal, and thus Kyouken ordered him to try to sneak into the bank.

"How?" Hiei asked bitterly.

"Heating vents! Go in from the roof! The S.W.A.T. team has had no luck. They're also hostages, so we're relying on you, Jaganshi." He could have left it at that, perhaps make it sound like he actually cared, but no. He continued, "Don't fuck this up, you son of a bitch, or you'll regret the day you were born."

Hiei snapped his cell phone shut and sat there with his eyes closed for a moment, repressing anger. _Don't kill him, don't kill him, don't blow up the gas line, don't catch the car on fire, don't punch the first human you see... Calm, calm, calm..._

There was a tap on the car window, and he twitched. Damn it. Looking up, he saw his partner Hanshin, grinning and motioning for him to roll down the window. He did.

"What do you want, Saiko?"

"What'd Kyouken say?"

"I'm a one man SWAT team and he'll kill me if I fail."

Hanshin let out a loud "Ha!". "Good freakin' luck, Hiei."

"Thanks, you stupid bastard," Hiei retorted, opening the car door and hitting the young man with it on purpose.

"Ow!"

"Hey!" another officer snapped angrily. "Can't you two ever be proper? Five of our officers are hostage in there, and we have a dead man and six civilians to think about too!"

"What's there to think about with the dead guy? He's dead," Hanshin pointed out.

The officer who had reprimanded them glared. "I don't know how you've stayed on the force for so long, Hanshin. And you, Jaganshi..."

Hiei looked up. "What!"

"You are rude and inconsiderate as well. If it's possible, you are moreso than Hanshin!"

"Hey, I'm saving your all's asses here, so why don't you just shut the fuck up and let me think? Kyouken is trying to kill me again, so I have to foil him again, right?"

"And you're paranoid, too! Kyouken doesn't want any of his officers dead!"

"He wants me dead because I'm better than him," Hiei answered simply. "I'm not paranoid. Everyone's out to get me. I swear. Now shut up. I'm scouting."

The officer (whose name was Akinari Tokaji, but that's not important) moved his mouth stupidly for a second. He was fairly new to the force and practically worshipped Kyouken, so he was really appalled by Hiei and "Saiko Hanshin". He hadn't been around Hiei while he was working many times, so he didn't really know how he acted when he wasn't in the office. He just knew that in the office, Hiei mocked Kyouken, made fun of him every chance he got, and constantly threatened to kill him if it weren't against the law. Since he didn't see how Kyouken treated Hiei outside of the main office, he thought it was just Hiei making trouble. "Saiko Hanshin" was the same way. He didn't even go by his real name! What a loser!

"Shh!" Hanshin snapped at Tokaji. "Let the master think!"

"I wasn't saying anything!"

"Shut up!" Hiei growled. Tokaji cringed and decided that maybe he should shut up and watch. After all, everyone else seemed to hold Hiei in high regards. Maybe they had some basis for their respect.

"I'll be back," the fire demon muttered.

"Where are you going?" Tokaji asked.

"To look _around_, moron!" Hanshin answered for him, stressing his words. "He's a one-man _SWAT_ team! He's our last hope! You think he's just gonna go darting in the front door with no idea what he's doing?"

"Oh. Yeah."

"Idiot," Hiei muttered, pushing him unnecessarily as he passed him.

"Hey!"

"Shut up! He's the master, man! He can push you if he wants!" Hanshin said. He was never serious. He joked about everything, hated Kyouken, and was always in a good mood. He chewed on toothpicks and had shortish messy white-blonde hair. In addition to all this, he had respectable skills as a fighter. Hiei was glad there was at least one decent thing about his job. A kindred spirit, so to speak.

The little demon darted around the building, observing little details--ledges, windows, nooks and crannies, fences, garbage cans, a cat with a litter of kittens. _Flea-infested balls of fur, _he thought, looking at the cute little critters for a second with a certain fondness in his eyes.

When he returned to Hanshin's side, he removed his police jacket and handed it to his partner, opening the back door of the car and grabbing something a startled Hanshin quickly identified as a sword.

"A sword!" Tokaji cried. "What the heck are you going to do with a sword?"

"Slit your throat, if you don't shut up," Hiei threatened, holding the blade point to the boy's neck. "I'm a lot better with a sword than I am with a gun. I won't have to use it, though." He grabbed a bundle of cloth from the back seat as well. "Good bye. I'll be back, don't worry."

The second he was around the corner, he leapt to the roof, slipped on his cloak to hide his sword, and entered the stairwell. He was prepared for the man standing there, and punched him hard enough to knock him out cold.

Darting silently down the stairs, he sought out the criminals, the hostages, the SWAT team, and, of course, the dead man. He found them rather more easy than he'd planned.

"Don't move."

"Ah, shit," Hiei muttered, freezing as the gun pressed to his neck from behind.

"Drop your gun."

Hiei held his hands up. "I don't have one."

"What kind of stupid cop are you? Don't you always carry your gun in these situations?"

"Not me."

"How many more are there?"

"None."

"Bull."

"I'm serious. I'm alone."

"Stupid bastard. Your loss. Go."

Hiei walked at gun point, smirking in his mind but keeping his face neutral. They stopped on the third floor and entered a large room.

"Hey boss, I found another one wandering around."

"Kill him," was the instant reply. "I'm tired of these pests."

Hiei heard the click.

"Bye bye."

He spun and punched the man in the face, instantly breaking his nose. "Blah! Loser! Who's next?"

"You son of a bitch!"

Several gunshots sounded, but Hiei was already on the other side of the room. Four of them, one of him. Not fair. For _them_, that is.

Foot into skull.

Fist into stomach, then temple.

Dodge bullets.

Foot into neck.

Unusually loud crack.

"Shit."

Killed one.

One left. One severly frightened one with a shaky hand and wet pants.

"I'll shoot you if you come any closer!"

"Go on and try, you moron," Hiei taunted. The shaky-handed man stared as the small cop made a slow advance.

"Come closer and I'll shoot this guy!" He pointed his gun at the nearest person. Hiei hesitated and glanced at the man, then shrugged.

"Okay."

He kept going. The man squeezed his eyes shut and shot. Hiei lunged forward and pushed the guy's head backwards, slamming it into the wall, knocking him out cold.

"You shot a dead guy, you idiot," he said to the unconscious man. "While that's quite disgraceful, it's your problem, not his."

Cheers erupted in the room.

_Ugh... Baka humans..._ He went about untying them all, and once he was through with that, he pulled out his cell phone and called Kyouken.

"Hey, asshole," he said. "I'm still alive, and all the pathetic bastards are littering the floor around me. You lose again." He hung up and called Hanshin's cell phone.

"Yeah?" was the answer.

"You guys can come in. They're all out cold. Or dead, in one guy's case..."

"You killed one? You know you'll never hear the end of it."

"I already called Kyouken and told him I won again."

"That's funny. Well, you'll be praised by everyone else. We're coming in."

They hung up.

"Thank you so much, sir!" one woman said.

"It's my job," Hiei said. "Are you all okay?" _Like I actually care... Stupid humans. I hate them all._

"Except for him..." They looked sadly at the twice-shot dead guy, "Yeah, we're alright."

"That's good." He headed for the door.

"Where are you going!"

"I didn't tell them where to come. I'm just gonna be at the stairs at the end of the hall."

"Oh... But what if they wake up?"

"They won't."

"But what if they do?"

_THEY WON'T, PANSY WOMAN! SHUT UP!_ "Tie them up if you're that insecure about it."

"But..."

"FINE!" Hiei tied up the four unconscious men (no point in typing up the dead guy, was there?) and dragged them down the hall so he could gaurd them without being near the annoying woman. However, she followed him.

It didn't matter how fast Hanshin and the others arrived, it wasn't fast enough for Hiei. The second Hanshin arrived, Hiei slipped past him and was down the stairs and out the door. He put his sword and cloak back in the car and got in the passenger's seat to wait.

Of course, he wasn't feeling so great. He hadn't been in the least bit injured, but the injuries he'd had and the stress of repressed anger was making him feel slightly ill. And it wasn't even midnight. He groaned.

Half an hour later, back at the office, everyone was praising him. Well, almost everyone. Tokaji was obviously displeased he'd murdered one of the criminals, and Kyouken, glaring through the blinds on his office window, was furious Hiei had survived.

If he hated Hiei so much, why had Kyouken gotten him out of jail like he had, you may be wondering. Well, there's this saying about first impressions. I don't know quite what the saying is, but I'm sure it's very profound and informative. For my purposes, I'm going to simply say that Kyouken was impressed with Hiei at the start and was under the impression that martial arts masters had some kind of courtesy code. Hiei, of course, has a code, but it's an honor code, not a courtesy code, and therefore he's allowed to be an asshole to asshole ningen bosses and nobody can say shit about it. Kyouken quickly realized this, but he'd had Hiei sign a contract... That was, in part, because he'd wanted to take advantage of the courtesy code he thought Hiei had.

Kyouken, you see, is a self-important, cocky son of a bitch with a God complex, who thinks that taking advantage of people is perfectly damn fine. That is, after all, how he got to be police captain. So, when he comes across somebody who he thinks would be unable to protest against his asshole-ness and who also seems useful (you see, Kyouken wanted to have the best police force in Japan and take all the glory for it), somebody such as Hiei, he has that person sign a contract so that he has at least a full year to be an asshole to them and they can't quit or complain.

Well, Hiei could complain, and he sure as hell did. However, with the contract, he had no way to get away from Kyouken.

Kyouken hated that he had been wrong about Hiei, hated that he hadn't investigated Hiei's martial arts further, and hated that Hiei _was_ better than him, that he rubbed it in, and that he'd signed a contract so Kyouken couldn't fire him. (It was a very special, specific contract that Kyouken made up for purely for his victims).

Did this answer your question? Do you even remember what your question was, at this point?

"Jaganshi, come here a moment, would you?" Kyouken called from the doorway to his office. Hiei sighed.

"Time to get my head bitten off," he muttered. Hanshin gave him a companionable slap on the back, causing him to flinch from the injuries.

"Good luck," he said, not noticing Hiei's pain.

"Yeah. Right."

The little demon went to Kyouken and had to concentrate to keep from reacting when the man put his arm companionably about his shoulders, again hitting the same wound Hanshin had just aggrivated a moment before.

The door shut sharply behind him and instantly Kyouken took his arm away.

"I'm getting pretty sick of you, Jaganshi."

"I'm _already_ sick of you, you asshole," Hiei replied as Kyouken took his place behind his desk.

"Perhaps if you'd straighten up, I wouldn't _be_ such an asshole!"

"Bullshit! We've gone over this: You were an asshole to me first so I'm an asshole back. You had me sign that contract because you expected I'd be useful. I have been. More than you'd expected. So instead of being like everyone else, and praising my superiority, you hate me. There. Can I leave now?"

"You'd better watch what you say, Jaganshi. I have resources, and pretty soon you may see your life falling apart right before your eyes," the man threatened.

"Oh? So you're gonna fuck up my life? And what, I'm supposed to come crawling back to you pleading forgiveness? How would you benefit from fucking up my life?"

"Believe me, Jaganshi. I would benefit."

"Uh-huh."

"Maybe I'll start with that little bitch that used to come here with you all the time. I know some people who would like to get their hands on her."

"I'd like to see you _try_."

"What, are you gonna kill me?"

"I wouldn't lay a finger on you. 'That little bitch' is my student. She can fend for herself."

Kyouken glared venomously. "Get the hell out of my office, Jaganshi."

Hiei shrugged. "You're the one who called me in here," he reminded as he opened the door. The office had settled down once Hiei had gone out of sight, but when he returned to his desk next to Hanshin's, the young officer pushed off and his wheeled chair slid across the floor and bumped into Hiei's.

"Psst," he said. Hiei looked at him curiously. "Sake?" He held up two small cups and a bottle. Hiei snorted.

"You know Kyouken'll have a fit if he catches us."

"So what? We've done it before!"

Hiei grinned. "And we'll do it again."

They were like teenagers, sneaking drugs and alcohol and porn past their... um... mother.

Okay, bad comparison. But Hiei and "Saiko" Hanshin did sneak sake pretty often (never much. They actually only did it for the joy of disobeying Kyouken in any way they could. And, of course, because they liked sake), and they used the Paint program on their computers to have contests of who could draw the best Kyouken death scene. Hiei usually won, but Hanshin was surprisingly creative as well.

Hanshin's birth name was Yajirobei Satoya. However, he didn't seem to think that was quite his cup of tea, so he changed it. Saiko Hanshin was the final choice. He'd studied English and decided he liked the word "psycho". He thought it described him. Thus, "Saiko," the Japanified version of it, became his name, and he'd gone by that name since he was nineteen. However, he hadn't changed it officially, so employers and the like usually referred to him as Satoya. Unless they were cool. Kyouken wasn't cool.

Hiei handed his cup back to Hanshin and pushed him away as Kyouken neared his office door. When he entered the main office, headed towards the prison, he saw nothing objectionable. Jaganshi was typing at his computer, Satoya was typing at _his_ computer, everyone else was typing or doing something to at least look like they were working. He entered the prison area and Hiei instantly pulled up Paint on his screen and started a bloody doodle of Kyouken's demise.

_**

* * *

**_

Hours upon hours later, six o'clock finally rolled around and Hiei, half asleep and with a slightly higher blood alcohol level than was probably safe, dragged himself up and accepted Hanshin's offer of a ride home.

The second he was out of the car, the front door of the house burst open and Shadow came flying out, slid in a few inches of snow that had accumulated overnight, and slammed him back against the car, hugging him.

"Yusuke wants to kill me!" she wailed.

"Huh?" Hiei replied intelligently.

"Yusuke! Wants! To! Kill! Me! Death! You know, you're intelligent in that field! It's when something once alive stops breathing and the heart stops beating and... and... the body relaxes and the person urinates and... and... some stuff like that!"

Hiei stared. "Um... You're hurting me, Shadow."

"I'm...? Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" She let go of him and let him get away from the car. Bending down, she waved to Hanshin. "Bye bye!"

"Okay... So why does Yusuke want to kill you?" Hiei asked once Hanshin had left.

"Because I poured hot ramen over his head..."

Hiei sighed. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Protect me! I can't sleep! He'll unleash his wrath!"

He took her hand. "C'mon. It's cold and snowy out here. Inside. Now."

Shadow allowed herself to be led up to her bedroom ("scorched-face Yusuke," as she now called him, was nowhere in sight, luckily). Hiei didn't say another word as he held her close and fell asleep.

Meanwhile, scorched-face Yusuke had gotten over his initial rage and fury and allowed Kurama to get after his scorched face with some burn soothing goo. They were currently in the infirmary. Kuwabara was still unconscious. Eclipse hadn't moved because she wanted to have Kurama serving her since she was lazy as hell. Yusuke had no idea Hiei had come home. Nobody had slept during the night, like normal people do (except Kuwabara, who was unconscious, and Eclipse, who'd been ignorant of the activites upstairs).

The rest of the vacation was spent recovering, sleeping, eating, and, for Hiei at least, plotting ways to cause problems for Kyouken.

* * *

Yay.  
I'm listening to a bird calls CD... Lol. It's for something for school. There's 82 different birds calls from native birds. So far I know the crow... and the loon... and a few others, but I can't remember what they are cuz I don't remember all the birds on the CD. Lol... I went from listening to video game midis to this.  
Y'know (back to talking about my **story**), after this chapter I decided to start a new document because this one was taking too long to open. :D So I have chapters 17 thru whatever I'm on now in a separate document... Boy, this bird is annoying... Boy, and this one is so ear-piercing I think I've gone deaf... Some kind of hawk... I think my ears are bleeding... God, hawks are annoying...

**Anyways, hope you liked that chapter... Kyouken will meet his doom, somehow. If anyone has suggestions on what to do with Yamashita, Kyouken, or Hiroshi Nakada, you can suggest them, but I'm sure even without your help I'll thinki of some nice sinister things. I've got Arisa under control, don't worry about her... I thinkI know what I'm gonna do with Yamashita... Doom will befall them all... Because I hate them, and _I'm_ writing the story! So DEATH TO THEM!  
-SJ**


	17. Thou Shalt Not Properly Punish a Smart P...

**(5-1-05) First things first: 447 reviews so far.  
Second things following first:** I finally saw the episodes about Hiei's past... :sniffle: Hiei's such a sad and miserable person... He needs many many hugs indeed... :sigh: I have only let my precious Hiei plushie out of my sight a few times since I clung to him like my life depended on it while watching those episodes... I'm glad I have Shadow as an intermediary so she can comfort him for his miserable past since I can't.  
**Third things as the thing in direct procession after the second: **I might write some one-shots here and there, since I've been writing this story for EIGHT MONTHS and I've been getting random ideas for things that won't quite incorporate into this story... Eight. Freaking. Months. On ONE story! I'll be done soon. Don't worry. I'll be done soon. They're into April. Only a few more events... Only a few more... Then... I get to start another story, which will have NOTHING to do with school and will therefore safely be wrapped up in ten or so chapters. :heavy sigh of relief: School truly does suck. Even writing about it is tiresome.  
**Fourth things are those which make me like sandwiches, and follow the third:** I hope you read the update to my bio. Really, I'm sorry, but I don't want my characters borrowed and I don't want to borrow yours.  
**Fifth things... just... they're just the fifth things... god, it's 10:51 on a Sunday night... what do you want, a stroke of brilliance? Jeesus...:**Uh... Now I forget what the fifth things are. Oh yeah! I'm thinking of doing an OC index. I'll draw pictures or write upprofiles or at least list all the OCs I've had in my stories... I really should make up a website dedicated to my stories... But I have no patience for HTML... That's why there isn't a "Hiei Worshipping Site" out there with my name on it...  
**Sixth things... You're getting sick of this, aren't you? Last one for now, I promise:** I FOUND A KARASU SHRINE! I love Karasu.He's pretty.:D They spiked my ice cream at the mall yesterday. I love Hiei, too. And Kurama. Kurama is pretty. Youko is pretty also. I love Youko.  
**Thank you reviewers! I know I said I'd have this posted on Friday or something, but school interfered with my life, so... You get it at 10:55 PM on Sunday, the First day of Mayin the Two Thousand and Fifth year After the Death of Christ.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN  
**Thou Shalt Not Properly Punish a Smart Person

The return to school was not exactly an event any of them were looking forward to. With the girls and the occurances at the mall, there were going to be rumors out the wazoo. Hiei was fairly sure that, up to that point, nobody in the school but his three friends and perhaps Yamashita had any idea about his second job. But now, if those girls had been paying attention and had half a brain, there would also be _that_ rumor going around.

Shadow seemed to be a little more concerned with things like a certain social studies project she'd totally forgotten about.

"Hiei!"

"What?"

"I have to go to work with you tonight!"

"What the hell for?"

"Social studies project! I totally forgot about it! Kurama's gonna kill me!"

"Why?"

"Because we're working together and I said I'd go to the prison and film the prison to show how our prison system is and I didn't and so, I'm dead!"

"He won't kill you. I'll kill him if he kills you."

"Yeah, then Eclipse will kill _you_ and we'll be together in Hell!"

"Hell? Well you're sure confident in your purity, aren't you?"

"I'm very pure, but if you're going to hell, I'm not letting Koenma separate us for eternity."

"Oh. Makes sense."

"Anyways, so, I'm going to work with you."

"Alright, but stay out of Kyouken's way. He's been threatening to 'fuck up my life' for a few days... Something about you... Kidnap, rape, murder, something like that."

"Pah! That idiot couldn't kidnap me if he tried!"

"That's what I told him."

"Hey, you idiots are gonna be late for school if you don't get moving," Eclipse snapped from the next room.

"WE'RE HAVING A LIFE-OR-DEATH HEART-TO-HEART DISCUSSION HERE, ASSHOLE! SHUT UP!" Shadow retorted angrily. "What were you saying, Hiei?"

"Nothing..."

_**

* * *

**_

Arriving at school, the group was indeed mobbed with people--asking questions, calling names and pleading autographs. Shadow and Eclipse let out shrieks of utter horror, silencing the entire city for a second.

"Good. Now pardon us," they said in simultaneous, identical robot voices, and pushed through the crowd.

First period was the joyful class in which they had to write about their New Years celebrations, in English. Shadow had fun with that.

Between English and Science, there was another slutty-fangirl encounter. Shadow, being in a painfully good mood, grinned at the girls as they surrounded her at her locker.

"What have you been doing over the holiday, Bitch?" Arisa asked.

"Fucking Shuuichi, of course," Shadow replied. "A couple times a day."

"You were NOT!"

"Yes I did. And he loved every second of it. Said it was the best sex he ever had."

Arisa seethed, her teeth clenched and her heavily make-upped eyes narrowed with fury. She pulled her hand back, and slapped Shadow across the face.

"SELF DEFENSE!" Shadow shouted, and punched Arisa. Instantly, the twenty or so girls surrounding her piled on op of her, and everybody within thirty feet gathered to watch.

Surprisingly for the guys watching, Shadow managed to dig her way out from under the girls, and before they could get up, she had jumped on Arisa and was in the process of pulling out her hair when a startled voice stopped her.

"SHADOW, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"

Okay... Not quite startled. More like furious.

She looked up at Kurama, a halo appearing over her head.

"I'm screwed, aren't I?"

"What are you _doing_?"

"Ripping this girl's hair out. She slapped me first. I shouted self defense. They can't punish me."

"Yeah they can."

Arisa pushed Shadow away and got up, stalking over to Kurama.

"YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH HER?"

Shadow's halo fell past her head and settled around her neck.

"What?"

"HOW COULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH SUCH A DISGUSTING PERSON? I'M WHAT YOU REALLY WANT!"

She grabbed Kurama and tried to kiss him, but he pulled back. She grabbed him again, and Shadow grabbed a handful of the girl's hair and pulled her backwards and down, flinging her onto her back on the ground. The girl let out an angry shout and got up. Shadow had lost her joyous smile but was still wearing a superiority smirk.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" the girl shrieked.

She jumped at Shadow again. Shadow sidestepped... right into the grip of a rather pissed off looking Tayama-sensei. She looked up at him and squeaked.

"Ew! Let go of me, creepazoid!" She pulled out of his grip.

"What are you girls doing?"

Arisa jumped at Shadow again and managed another slap, but Shadow spun and punched her again, knocking her to the floor.

"She's losing, I'm winning," Shadow replied. "What are _you_ doing, Tayama-sensei?"

The science teacher glared furiously. "Office. Now. All three of you."

"Three?"

"Minamino!" he snarled. Kurama jumped.

"Me?"

"Your name's Minamino, isn't it!"

"He didn't do anything!" Shadow snapped. "This girl tried to sexually molest him!"

"OFFICE. NOW!"

"Yes sir," Kurama sighed, grabbing Shadow's arm as he passed her. Arisa stood there seething again, seeing how he touched her. She screamed and made a running leap onto Kurama's back, knocking him forwards.

"ME! HOW CAN YOU EVEN ASSOCIATE WITH THAT BITCH! YOU WANT ME! YOU WANT ME, NOT HER!"

"Get off me," Kurama growled.

"NO! KISS ME!"

"No!"

Shadow was staring, slack-jawed. The only thought in her head was _Now I'm gonna be suspended and lose the bet with Yusuke._

Arisa was now pulling at his shirt angrily, hitting his chest, screaming for him to kiss her.

Oddly enough, who would show up at this point but Hiei?

"What the hell's going on here!" he cried, pushing past his stupified girlfriend and grabbing Arisa, pulling her away from Kurama and pushing her up against the wall with her wrists behind her back.

"Care to explain this?" he asked, looking at his friends.

"Don't you have a class this period?" Shadow asked stupidly.

"**What. The. Fuck. Hap.Pened. Here?**" Hiei enunciated each syllable angrily.

"She slapped me," Shadow said. "So I punched her. Then she tried to rape ol' pretty-boy here."

"Let go of me!" Arisa had been snarling and wailing the entire time Hiei had her pinned. No matter how much she thrashed, Hiei kept her quite securely motionless.

"I can handle this, Jaganshi!" Tayama said angrily.

"Apparently you can't, or they wouldn't have been where they were when I got here. Now, Shadow, kindly lead the way to the office."

"Indeed," she said, and obeyed.

Yamashita was quite displeased when she entered the office, but then a look of surprise came over his face as Kurama followed her in, then a girl he didn't really know, who was being restrained by Hiei.

"What is this?" he asked.

"Fight, sir," Shadow said. "And attempted rape."

"Shadow," Hiei hissed, "she wasn't raping him!"

"Let me go! Let me go! Bastard! Shuuichi is mine!" Arisa was wailing. Shadow nodded.

"Uh-huh."

"You're all suspended for a week. Secretary, fill out the--"

"Wait, you moron! You can't just do that!" Hiei snapped. "You have to know what happened and who was involved, and question witnesses. I'm not stupid, alright? And neither are they."

"Really. So here's what happened," Shadow said. "I was at my locker when about twenty girls surround me, and I was talking to ringleader biatch here about some stuff, and she got mad about something I said, and she slapped me. I yelled 'self defense' and punched her, everyone else piled on me, I got out, we wrestled around, pretty-boy showed up, that girl tried to kiss him--"

"Wait. What were you talking about?" Kurama asked. "Was it me?"

"Yes it was, dear. Now shut your trap and let me finish my story."

She finished her story and Yamashita frowned.

"What did you say to make her slap you?"

"Let me think..." She quoted off the whole conversation, and everyone looked appalled.

"Did _not_!" Kurama finally said.

Arisa stopped struggling at this. "What? You didn't?"

"No we didn't, you moron!" Shadow snapped. "I was being sarcastic!"

"Shut up, you slutbag hoe!" Arisa retorted. Shadow looked in an appalled sort of way at Hiei, who looked rather annoyed.

"Did you hear what she just called me!"

"Yes," Hiei replied.

"She called me a slutbad hoe!"

"I heard her."

Yamashita frowned. "Now explain to me why I can't suspend all of them, Jaganshi."

"Shadow declared Self Defense _before_ attacking. You can't punish her if anyone else heard it. And Minamino didn't do anything. He was a victim. Shadow was a victim as well, and she called self defense before she did anything. So really, only the assaulter can be punished."

"You're full of shit, Jaganshi."

"I know what I'm talking about, you idiot! I--" He bit his lip.

"What?"

"I know what I'm talking about," he repeated, calmer and more quietly.

"What were you going to say, Jaganshi?"

Rolling his eyes, Hiei pulled out his wallet and showed Yamashita his police badge. "Happy?"

"Is that real?"

"Yes, it's real, you idiot!"

"Stop calling me an idiot, Jaganshi, or I'll fire you. It's not like you need this job anyways."

Hiei bristled. _I hate you, I hate you, Oh GODS how I hate you..._ "Fine. But you can't suspend Shadow or Minamino."

"You're just showing favoritism, and if you think that little badge will make me listen to you any more than I already do, you're pretty confused."

"I don't give a shit what you think of my badge," Hiei replied. "You--"

"Wait," Kurama said. They all looked to him. "In the handbook--Yes, I read all the rules--it said that every student has the right to bring up an arguable case such as this in front of a school court."

"A school court?" Shadow questioned. "What's that?"

"Quiet and I'll explain. It's exactly what it sounds like. It's just like a real court, with lawyers and money and prison sentences involved, except the jury would be students chosen by the defense and prosecution, the judge would be you, Yamashita-sensei, and the defense and prosecution would be... Whoever we choose."

"What would your case be, then?" Yamashita sneered. Kurama thought for a moment.

"Miss..." He looked to Arisa for a name.

"Okawa Arisa," she said, put off even more that he didn't even know her name.

"Miss Okawa--" And then he didn't even address her by her _first name_, she huffed. "--would be the plaintiff, trying to get us suspension as well, and we would be the defendants, trying to get out of suspension. I read the handbook cover to cover, Yamashita. You can't deny us this if we all agree to it."

"I agree to it! Ooh, yes I do, yes I do!" Shadow said excitedly, clapping quietly.

"Miss Okawa?"

"Fine," she snobbed (there's that snobbing again...).

"Very good. Now all we need to do is find our defense, our jury, and Miss Okawa needs her prosecution, and we'll be ready to go."

"Very well. Leave. Now. Have your people by tomorrow. The hearing will be directly after school in the gym."

Kurama nodded. "Thank you."

Hiei released Arisa and waited until she'd snotted her way out of the office before he and his friends left.

"Got somebody in mind, Kurama?" Hiei asked.

"Yes."

"Can we have teachers on the jury?" Shadow asked.

"Didn't you read the rules?" Kurama taunted. Not waiting for an answer, he continued, "Yes, so Hiei can be on the jury."

"Alright!"

"What do you think Yamashita's gonna do now that he knows you're a cop, Hiei?" Shadow asked. "He might think you're undercover here and you're spying on him or something."

"I could report him," he said, shrugging. "I'm not going to, though."

"Where are we going?" Shadow asked.

"Room 214," Kurama answered.

"Okay." Short pause. "Why?"

"Because, if we're lucky, that's where our defense attorney is at the moment."

"Can't you be your own defense?" Hiei asked.

"Me? I could be," he replied, turning into the stairwell and starting up. "However, I think that would be a bit too presumptuous, don't you?"

"Um... Sure."

They reached the top of the stairs and Kurama strode down the hall with the air of confidence he had when a plan had hit him and was so far going well. Hiei and Shadow trailed behind, a bit confused.

Stopping outside Room 214, Kurama knocked, then opened the door.

"Sorry to interrupt, sensei... Could I speak to Yuu Kaito for a moment?"

"_Kaito!_" Hiei hissed.

The teacher nodded and gestured for the summoned boy to go to Kurama. He did, and Kurama shut the door behind him. Looking at Shadow and Hiei, then at the redhead next to him, Kaito got a bit of a suspcious, puzzled look on his face.

_(Before we go any further, I just want to tell you that I don't like Kaito. That said, on with the story!)_

"What is this about, Shuuichi?"

"Well, you see... Shadow and I got into a spot of trouble..."

"What _kind_ of trouble?"

"A fight," Kurama admitted. "I didn't have anything to do with it."

"Yes you did! You started the whole thing! Every time she comes near me, she harasses me about _you_," Shadow said. "So, whether you were near or not, you started it."

"Quiet, Shadow," Kurama scolded. "Now, Kaito, you've read the school rulebook, haven't you?"

"Naturally."

"Remember the part about the school courts?"

"Yes..."

"Well, Yamashita seemed to have forgotten about that... in fact he seemed to forget everything except how to say 'you're suspended.' But I reminded him, so we've got a chance to keep our records fairly clean."

"Let me guess," Kaito stated dryly. "You want me to be your defense?"

"Will you? If you can't, I'll have to defend myself and Shadow, and that's too presumptuous, I think."

Kaito pushed his glasses up on his nose. "I'll think about it, Shuuichi."

"I need to know by tomorrow morning."

"Then we'll talk after school."

"Okay," Kurama agreed.

"Now, if you don't mind, I have to get back to my class... The room suffered an extreme I.Q. drop when I left."

Kurama moved aside and Kaito returned to class. Hiei stared at him for a moment before forming words.

"You're going to have that guy defend you."

"If he'll agree to it."

"Do you have any idea--"

"Nothing you say can change it. You just hate him because he sucked out your soul," Kurama reminded. "Which _was_, if you recall, entirely your fault for being arrogant." Hiei frowned, but said nothing.

"So... _do_ you have a class this period?" Shadow asked.

"Yes, I do," Hiei replied. "Ja mata. Don't be stupid any more. Either of you." He left.

"What now?" Shadow asked.

"Now, we recruit a jury. We'll think of who we want and approach them at lunch."

"Very good. Very good indeed. You are admirable."

"Yeah... Thanks..."

Neither Kurama nor Shadow attended any classes for the rest of the morning. After a bit of wandering halls (They had _planning_ to do. How would going to class benefit them?), they went to the one place they knew they would be permitted: the gym.

It was the beginning of third period when they wandered in, and Hiei barely glanced up as they stood by the door waiting for him to finish his instructing. The class was far more fascinated, however, and started whispering amongst each other instantly. Hiei frowned.

"Shut up and listen to me, you lazy assholes!"

Everyone shut up instantly. However, people continued to glance at the two 'psycho rulebreakers' by the door. Rumors had started flying the second the trio had vanished down the stairs from the fight scene, and already, barely an hour later, they'd grown out of proportion.

"Hey, did you hear about the fight before second period?" some kids said.

"No," their friend would answer. "There was a fight?"

"Yeah! Shuuichi Minamino and some of his fanatic girlfriends and that Shadow girl were going at it! I heard Arisa Okawa tried to rape him in the hallway!"

"Oh my god!" their friend would say. "I missed that?"

"And Shadow tried to claw the girl's eyes out. I heard it was because Arisa found out Shadow and Shuuichi were having sex."

"Ew, are they!"

"That's what I heard. I bet they are."

"But I thought she was with Jaganshi-sensei?"

"Maybe she's cheating on him. Or maybe he knows and doesn't care. Maybe Shadow's a prostitute."

"Ew."

And so, rumors were flying all around the school. There were some even worse like this. Ones that had Shuuichi Minamino flipping out and punching some girl, some people said that the fight started because somebody caught Shuuichi and Shadow making out in the hall... It was all very terrible. See what happens when you put Shadow in a school? DOOM wreaks its havoc.

When Hiei let the students go to whatever task he'd set them to, he crossed the gym to his friends.

"What?" he asked.

"Can we hang around here until lunch?" Kurama asked.

"You? Both of you?"

"Yes. I'm skipping classes, Hiei," the fox said. "Very unlike me, I know. But, judging by your studends' reaction, how do you think we would fare, going to class?"

"Good point."

"Besides, we need to plan."

"Plan?"

"Our jury."

Hiei snorted. "What do you need to plan that for?"

"Moron! Jeez! How many people in this school are gonna vote in favor of us? Of _me_?" Shadow asked overdramatically. "Jeez! Stupid! What's _wrong_ with you, man?"

"Okay, okay, jeesh... Go plan... You can stay here, as long as you don't get caught."

"What if a teacher sees us here, though?" Kurama asked, glancing around. "And your class will know we were here..."

"I know!" Shadow said cheerfully. She grabbed Kurama's sleeve and dragged him out of the gym. Hiei blinked questioningly, but didn't follow. He had some idea what she was doing. Kurama didn't.

"Where are we going!"

"You'll see, fox-boy."

She led him to the hallway around the back of the gym and stopped in front of a door. Kneeling down and pulling something out of her pocket, she went to work picking the lock on the door.

"What are you doing, Shadow!"

"Picking the lock. Shut up," she said distractedly. After a second, she heard the click and turned the doorknob, smiling at her success.

"Okay... Where did you learn that?" Kurama asked.

"The pits of Hell. C'mon." She grabbed his sleeve and pulled him through the door. He looked around, eyes slightly widened.

"Wait... Is this the girl's locker room?"

"Yep!"

"I shouldn't be in here! This isn't right!"

"It's just as right as me being in the _guy's_ locker room when they're changing!"

"You never have been! ...Have you?"

"Yes."

Kurama shook his head. "Good lord, Shadow... Really..."

"Never when you were in there, though. Don't worry."

"But that's not the point! This is-- Do you have any idea how they'll react if they see me in here?"

"Hm... Well, it won't be like the screaming and running away like how girls react in movies." She paused, thoughtful. "Are any of Arisa's slut fangirls in this class? Cuz they'll probably be waving their boobs all around in your face if they see you."

Kurama sighed, wincing with disgust. "Please, Shadow. Couldn't we find someplace else?"

"No. I'm allowed in here, nobody will mind you being in here... As long as Hiei doesn't find out... Then we're good."

"Hiei will find out, you moron."

Shadow nodded. "Most likely. Oh well."

"I don't want to be in here when the girls come in to change."

"Pansy... You don't have to _look,_ moron."

Kurama sighed and allowed Shadow to drag him into the office (whose locked door had to be picked as well).

"Y'know," he mused, "I never noticed there wasn't a female gym teacher. Poor Hiei's all on his own, isn't he?"

"Yeah... You're supposed to be smart and you never noticed that? What an idiot. You're so stupid. What's _wrong_ with you, man?"

"What's wrong with _you?_"

"Many things. Want me to list them? Okay! First off, when I was only a few days old, I was dropped on my head. Wait, first I should probably start with being born in the basement of my house and my father trying to kill me before I could even open my eyes. THEN--"

"No, Shadow. I did not ask for a detailed timeline of all the unhappy events of your life."

"Bullshit. Then, after my mother managed to defend me, my father set out to--"

"SHUT UP! We've got more important things to discuss!"

"What? More important than me? My life? My dysfunctionalities? If there's anything more important than my dysfunctionalities around, I want it caught and killed right now."

"Our jury, Shadow. To keep us from being suspended. It's important."

"So am I!"

"Okay! Fine! You're important! I'll listen to your autobiography once all this crap is settled!" _She won't remember then._

"Okay!" she agreed cheerfully, sitting behind the desk and folding her hands on the top and looking at him expectantly. "Well?"

Now that they were actually going to discuss it, Kurama realized that he actually hadn't thought too much about who should be on their jury.

"Well..." he stuttered, "Well, Hiei, of course... and Eclipse... And..." He stopped there. Instead of stuttering stupidly, he thought for a moment. He could come up with no one else. "I'm sure every girl in this school would be willing to be on the jury and get me out of suspension. But... I mean... If I just pick a couple girls, everyone else will be jealous... and besides, I'm sure that if anyone decides to attend our trial, and they see the jury is all girls--"

"And Hiei."

"--and Hiei--" He glared at her for interrupting. "--then they'll accuse me of choosing just girls because of that; because I know they'll vote my innocence."

"Ah, very clever, Kurama... So how about that one girl that sits in front of you in math? Or the one who sits next to her? Or... or..."

"Didn't you hear me! I said I don't want to pick a bunch of girls I barely know!"

"Indeed, I heard you. But who else are we gonna pick? Ryu?"

"Perhaps. He's a good enough person... He's been hanging around us for a while..."

"Very well. We'll ask Ryu at lunch," Shadow said. "Two more, right? What about Miller?"

"Miller? From our English class?"

She nodded.

"Have you ever noticed the way she looks at you?"

"No. Is she a lesbian!"

"NO! Shadow!"

"What? How does she look at me, then?"

"She's jealous of you."

"Isn't everyone?"

Kurama let out an exasperated sigh. "No."

"YES THEY ARE!"

Her shout echoed in the locker room and Kurama winced. Out in the gym, Hiei glanced at the door and sighed, shaking his head.

"Be quiet, please. Fine, everyone's jealous of you. But she's really jealous, because up until you showed up, she was the smartest person in that class and got all the attention from the teacher. Now we have a new teacher, and you're in the class, and you get more attention than her. Plus, your grades are almost as good as hers. The only think keeping you from being better than her is that your pronounciation is still a little off."

"Oh, like yours is any better, asshole."

"It's not. That's why your grades are above mine."

Shadow grinned. "I'm better than you!"

"No you aren't. Just in English, since you had nothing better to do with your time before school."

"Sure I did. But I--"

"ANYWAYS!" Kurama interrupted loudly. Shadow leaned back a bit, giving him an innocent look.

"And you told _me_ not to yell," she muttered.

"Cut me a break," Kurama groaned. "Let's continue our discussion from before, please?"

"You mean the one about my unfortunate life? Well, after--"

"No! I'm gonna do this all on my own and send you back to class if you don't straighten up, Shadow."

Shadow sat up straighter and folded her hands on the desk. "Yes sir."

"Now..."

Just then, they heard the door open. Kurama glanced at Shadow.

"We came in here so we wouldn't be seen, right?"

"Yeah."

"So people would think we'd gone back to class, right?"

Shadow now saw what he meant. "Oops. Oh well, so they'll know we're skipping. Just ask them not to tell."

The first girl came around the corner from the short hallway and into the main locker room. Since the office was right next to the doorway into the short hall out into the gym, she glanced at it, startled the lights were on since it was usually locked up and dark. The glass front was, of course, very easily seen through, and she gasped.

More girls followed, and since they weren't really paying attention, a couple pushed past her, not noticing Shuuichi Minamino was in the girls' locker room, and started changing.

"Don't look," Shadow hissed at him. "There's half-naked girls out there!"

Now, you know when somebody tells you not to look, you always do. It's like you're hanging off a 5,000 foot sheer drop and they say, "DON'T LOOK DOWN!" and you do, and you die, and you only have yourself to blame. Well... Kurama, though he had many demon instincts, also had the stupid human instincts, and he looked.

"I told you not to look, moron!" Shadow snapped, as at the exact same second, the half-naked girls looked at him and let out a startled cry.

"Shuuichi Minamino! Why's he in here?"

"I'll go ask!"

"Don't do that, stupid!"

But too late. The girl bounced over to the office door and opened it. "Shuuichi! What are you doing in here?"

Kurama kept his face nuetral and his eyes on the girl's face. "I'm having a discussion... and I don't want anyone to know I'm not in class. You don't mind me being in here, do you?"

The girl turned bright red.

"And do me a favor, please. You and your classmates have to promise not to tell anyone you saw me in here. Me or Shadow. We're not supposed to be here."

The girl nodded, still bright red. How was she supposed to answer when Shuuichi Minamino practically asks if she minds him seeing her half naked! She backed out of the doorway and shut the door.

"What'd he say?" the girl's friends asked instantly, rushing over to her. "Did he check you out?"

In the office, Kurama sighed and covered his eyes with his hand.

"How did you convince me to stay in here?"

"My feminine charm. I dunno. How did I?"

"I don't know... Let's continue our discussion about the _jury_, not about your past, or about your English grades."

"Yes ma'am!"

"What?"

"Well you're in the girl's locker room, are you not? So you're a girl, right?"

"I'm not a girl and you know it."

"Oh. Oh, yes, I do."

"Idiot... So, we've got Hiei, Eclipse, and possibly Ryu and Miller... We need one or two more, in case we can't get one of them."

"And, as a last resort, you'll just ask a random girl in the hallway, right?"

Kurama sighed, glaring a bit. "Probably."

"Since we're allowed to have teachers, why don't we just ask like, Black-sensei? He's awesome!"

"Teachers probably aren't the best choice though... Since it is their job to uphold and enforce the rules, then they might just vote me guilty..."

"And me, you selfish asshole! You're forgetting that I'm in this too! On your side! Jeez! What's wrong with you, man!"

"Would you stop asking me that?"

"You've got mental issues!" She stood up angrily, slamming her hands on the desk. "You're out of your fuckin' MIND! YOU **THINK YOU'RE _GOD_ OR SOMETHING!**"

The entire locker room silenced and stared. Kurama noticed this and turned a nice shade of red. Shadow blinked.

"You're cute when you blush."

Kurama frowned. "People are staring, Shadow."

She waved at the girls, then went to the door and opened it. "We're okay in here! Stop staring, everyone... And if you're intentionally procrastinating getting dressed with hopes that ol' beautiful in here will look at you, he's making a point of _not_ looking at you, since--"

"Shadow!" Kurama snapped, turning. "Don't tell them that!" He grabbed the collar of her shirt and dragged her back into the office, slamming the door. Everyone continued staring. Luckily, the bell rang and half the girls scurried into an insane flurry to get dressed and fix their hair and get to class, Shuuichi Minamino forgotten.

"Now... Back to our discussion," Kurama insisted through clenched teeth.

"Right."

But before they could get back to their discussion, Hiei appeared in the doorway and entered the office.

"What the hell are you doing in here? I'm the only one with the key, you know."

Shadow held up the small metal thing she'd used to pick the lock and Hiei rolled his eyes.

"Typical. Why are you _here_, of all places?"

"Well... Cuz I'm allowed, and cuz Kurama here is a pretty-boy and everyone loves him, so they don't care if he sees them naked, and... they probably fantasized about the day he was in the locker room and they could seduce him and they probably have some really nasty wet fantasies about--"

"Oh, Gods, shut up!" Hiei and Kurama both cried at the same time. They glared at each other for daring to speak in unison with the other, and Shadow was frowning for being interrupted.

"You guys never let me finish my sentences..."

"We just did," Kurama said.

"I mean, my good sentences! Like the ones about sex and rape and masturbation and stuff!"

Hiei sighed. "Nobody cares about your sick mind."

"Shut up! You're mean! Why do I like you?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

Shadow stood there with her hand on her chin, looking thoughtful, and if she'd had a beard, she'd have been doing the creepy smart-person beard-stroking thing. "Well..."

Kurama cleared his throat. "Discuss this later, please, lovebirds."

"Hey! Shut up! We're having an important discussion about our relationship!" Shadow snapped.

"Okay, you know what? I know you two, and if you start listing off all Hiei's good attributes, you'll start getting either really mushy, or you'll start being a pervert, or you'll start making out. Or worse, all three."

"Why would I list just good attributes? I'd be listing why I like him."

Kurama rolled his eyes. "It's the same."

"Nuh-uh."

They suddenly became aware that there were eyes on them. The next class had started entering the locker room.

"You're not allowed to be in here, are you?" one girl asked, pointing to Hiei.

"Yes. I'm the only gym teacher, so if I suspect there's trouble in here, I can come in here."

"There was no one in here, though."

"Smartass," Shadow muttered.

"These two were, weren't they?" Hiei retorted, pointing at his friends. "Are they supposed to be? No. Therefore, they're trouble." He turned to them to reinforce his statement, hissing, "You two are in a shitload of trouble, you know. Go to my office."

Shadow shrugged and grabbed Kurama. "Come on, pretty boy. You heard the man."

"But... she's not allowed in the guy's locker room..." the girl muttered, pointing after Shadow.

Hiei shrugged. "They don't care. I don't care. Do you care? Didn't think so. Get dressed." He left, locking the office behind him. He went to the boy's locker room and found Shadow facing the same opposition there.

"Jaganshi! She's not allowed in here!" one kid said the second Hiei showed up.

"Shut the hell up, Toru. You don't care. She's been in here before."

"She has?"

"Couldn't we turn her in?" Nakada snobbed (look! he snobs too!). "Couldn't we turn _you_ in?"

"Yeah, probably," Hiei said. "So we're all a bunch of criminals. You know you won't turn us in. Everyone in the school knows what an asshole you are, so if you went to the office and turned in Shadow and me, you'd be the laughingstock of the entire school. Now, you don't want to revert from... whatever the hell you were before, to being the pansy tattletale laughingstock of Mieou High, do you?"

Nakada glared. A voice interrupted them.

"Hey! Hiei, do you know where-- Nevermind."

Everyone looked as Eclipse entered the locker room.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Shadow snapped. "You're not allowed in here, this is the _guy's_ locker room!"

Eclipse glared. "Well you're not a guy either, and you're in here!" Her eyes widened. "You're _not_ a guy... are you?" Her eyes darted to Shadow's crotch, and the next thing she knew, she was lying in a twitching crippled heap of pain on the floor.

"I'M NOT A GUY YOU ASSHOLE!"

Now every guy in the locker room was eyeing her suspiciously (everyone except Hiei and Kurama, of course). Shadow glared.

"What? You bastards questioning my sexuality too, you assholes? Do I LOOK like a guy! NO!"

"Well, with technology nowadays..." Toru said.

"You could be a he-she," Nakada said.

Hiroshi Nakada spent the rest of that week in the hosipital.

"Nope, she's definitely a girl," the guys agreed as they watched her flip out and whoop Nakada's ass.

"Yeah. No guy could have that major of a moodswing."

That kid was in the hospital afterwards for a couple days too.

"It wasn't a moodswing, either," Hiei pointed out before Shadow whipped the kid. "She's already pissed."

"Still..."

Then Shadow jumped on him and whipped his ass. After that, Hiei had to restrain her until she calmed down (which took a considerable amount of time, and eventually Hiei dismissed everyone from the locker room and said they didn't have to do anything if they didn't want to).

When Eclipse finally did wake up, she found Kurama sitting at Hiei's desk in the cushioned swivelling office chair with Shadow sitting _on_ Hiei's desk in front of him. She blinked, staring at them.

"What's goin' on?" she asked stupidly.

"Kurama and I are having sex. Don't look," Shadow said, and then continued whatever sentence Eclipse had interrupted. For their jury, they'd settled on asking Ryu, Miller, Black-sensei, and Baisotei-sensei. Those decisions had been made about five minutes after Hiei had gone to keep an eye on his class. Now they were sitting there discussing something and effectively skipping literature class.

"Oh... Okay. Hey, where were you assholes in Science? And what are these rumors about a fight and rape and making out in the hallways? I heard one that involved stripping and fucking against lockers, too."

Kurama stared in utter horror. Shadow stared at him, cocked her head to the side, pushed him, and he fell right out of the chair.

"Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!" Shadow sang happily. She looked at Eclipse sadly and shook her head, eyes downcast. "Kurama-sama isn't a Weeble..."

The redhead climbed to his feet and stared at Eclipse, absentmindedly dusting off his shirt. He'd taken off his uniform jacket and was wearing a t-shirt underneath. Shadow had informed him he looked hot in the tight white shirt. But now it was dirty since Hiei didn't seem to highly prize a clean office.

"People are saying such things?"

"Yes. So where were you?"

And so Shadow and Kurama recalled their story to Eclipse. When they were done, she stared. And stared. And the she exploded into laughter.

"THAT'S THE FUNNIEST THING IN THE WORLD!"

"No it's not!" Kurama whined.

"Really! I could lose my bet with Yusuke!" Shadow added.

"Bet? He probably doesn't even remember that," Kurama said.

"Yes he does. He asked me about it just the other day."

Eclipse, meanwhile, was still rolling on the floor laughing. Shadow went to her and kicked her.

"Hey! You're on our jury, you know, asshole!"

"Ow! I am?"

"Hell ya! Asshole!"

"Stop cussing, Shadow," Kurama sighed.

"Shut up, fox."

When the bell rang, the group left the locker room and grabbed Hiei on their way to the cafeteria.

"What are you--"

"We've got to round up a jury," Kurama said. "You're our escort."

"You need an escort!"

"No, but you'd best be there in case any other assholes try to cause problems," the redhead sighed.

"Or in case slut-face comes back and tries to rape him," Shadow reminded. Kurama glared.

"Oh." Hiei glanced at Eclipse, who was still chuckling. "What's her problem?"

"She thinks it's the funniest thing in the world that we got in a fight and could possibly get suspended."

"Idiot," Hiei sighed. "So who's your jury?"

"You, the idiot over here, and we're gonna ask Ryu, Black-sensei, Baisotei-sensei, and what's-her-face Miller from our English class," Shadow said.

"Her name is Erika," Kurama said.

"You're asking two teachers?" Hiei asked. They nodded.

"Slut-face is gonna get a bunch of her icky slut friends, I'm sure, so at least we'll have a respectable group of people on our jury. At least, that's what Kurama said."

"She's paraphrasing," Kurama said when Hiei looked at him funny.

"Let's see who's our first victim," Shadow said as they walked into the cafeteria. She looked around, rubbing her hands together, and spied Ryu. "R-- Wait, is he talking to Slut-face?"

"Huh?" Kurama stared.

"Ew. He's talking to Slut-face," Hiei observed. "I always did think there was something unfavorable about him."

"Oh, you did not," Shadow snapped. "C'mon." She strode over to Ryu despite Kurama's stuttering protest.

Before she reached them, Arisa noticed her coming and pushed Ryu out of the way. "What the hell do you want, you whore?"

"Ryu, why are you socializing with Slut-face here?"

"Don't answer her, Ryu. Look here, whore," Arisa snapped, "I don't see why the hell I should go through with this court thing. The way I see it, I get suspended either way."

"Who told you that?"

"Akita-sensei."

"Ha! I knew you were too stupid to have realized that on your own. Yeah, so you'll get suspended, but you shouldn't care, right? That'll give you more time to fuck your boyfriend. You _do_ have a boyfriend, don't you?"

"Of course I do, you whore!"

"Anyways, I want Ryu on the jury for our trial."

"Well too bad," Arisa snotted, putting her nose in the air and looking at Shadow. "He's already agreed to be my lawyer."

"**_WHAT?_**" Shadow said, rounding on the boy. Ryu was staring at the ground. Arisa laughed.

"Who's _your_ lawyer? It can't be Minamino, so I bet you couldn't get anyone good enough to compete with Ryu."

"Yuu Kaito," Kurama answered from nearby. "He has the second-highest cumulative grade in Mieou High School."

"That loser is your--"

"He's not a loser," Shadow said. Hiei snorted at this. "Anyways, then, do you have anyone for the jury? Because we're going to go round up our five right now. Trial's after school tomorrow, don't forget. Ryu, I'm disappointed in you. G'bye, Slut-face." She turned, leaving the girl standing there seething.

"You just wait, Whore! Soon, I'll know all I need to to get rid of you!" Arisa shouted after her. Shadow flipped her off over her shoulder without even looking back, smirking at the stupid indignant noise the girl made.

"So Ryu's her prosecution?" Kurama asked as they sought out Erika Miller. Shadow nodded.

"Apparently. That backstabbing son of a bitch," she replied without seeming to really care. "I think I shall ban him from my friendship."

"No great loss for him," Hiei said. Shadow hit him. "Ow!"

When they found Erika, she was with a group of friends. When Shadow offered to go speak to her, Kurama laughed in her face.

"Let me," he said.

"Why! Bastard!"

"Oh, come on, Shadow. She hates you." Considering that enough explanation, the fox turned and went to Erika. Shadow watched as he spoke quietly for a second (all Erika's friends were blushing even though he was merely standing near them). Then he led her away from her friends and they spoke in the corner, away from everyone. Reading facial expressions, Hiei and the two girls could easily tell what he was saying. When there was a nod from Erika and a smile and an "Arigatou" from Kurama, Shadow clapped happily.

"Three jury members down, two more to fetch. The scary teachers... Cue Twilight Zone music." She began humming the Twilight Zone theme.

Kurama returned to them. "We have Baisotei's class next, so we'll go talk to Black-sensei now."

Shadow nodded and led the way out of the cafeteria. Luckily, though Black had a class this period, he was giving a test and could spare time to talk in the hallway when Shadow asked.

"Now, how can I help you?" he asked. "Wait, is this about that... dispute earlier today?"

"Dispute. Yes. I like that word. Anyways, yes it is, in a way," Shadow said. Kurama had agreed to let her do the talking for this one and for Baisotei, since both teachers liked her and she did the convincing thing so much better than he, Kurama, did, when it came to stricter, older men (take that how you will).

"How can I help?"

"Well, I assume you know the rules, correct?"

"Which rules are we referring to?"

"The part about the school court."

"Oh... Yes... From what I understand, that's never been done."

"Because a smart person never got in trouble. Troublemakers never read the rules," Shadow pointed out.

"Then how come you know about them?" Black taunted. The girl grinned and pointed at Kurama.

"Smart person told me. Anyway, Sl-- er... Whatever-her-name-is--"

"Arisa," Kurama informed her.

"Whatever-her-name-is," Shadow insisted, "is the plaintiff. She gets detention no matter what, since she started it. Pretty-boy and I are the defendants, and we have the second most intelligent person in Mieou High as our defense: Yuu Kaito."

"Ah, yes. His grades in English are exceptional."

"He's a bookworm. Anyways, so as you know, even with the best defense, if we have a prejudiced jury, we're gonna be suspended too, and I can't miss school, and pretty-boy can't have the bad mark on his record, so we need a good jury, and that's why we need you, Black-sensei. Because you have to be fair. It's your job."

Black laughed a bit. "Yes, true. So you want me on the jury?"

"Yeah, and I need to know by the end of school today, if you please. Yamashita wants to know tomorrow morning. The trial's after school tomorrow."

Black knew very well about her standing with Yamashita and did not point out her lack of respect. Yamashita _was_ an asshole. "Well then, I'm in. Who else have you got?"

Shadow pointed at Hiei and Eclipse. "We have the Loser and the Freak, plus we have Erika Miller, and now you."

"Who was who in that?" Eclipse asked cluelessly.

"You're the loser," Shadow clarified.

"Oh! Okay!" She grinned stupidly. Black chuckled.

"That's only four. Don't you need twelve?"

"We're doing this a bit differently than any official courts. We only need ten, and Arisa is going to choose five, so we only need one more," Kurama explained.

"I see. Well, if that's all, I've got to get back to class."

"Thank you oh-so-much," Shadow said, bowing deeply. Black returned the bow and went into the classroom. As they walked away, Shadow grinned and pushed Kurama a bit. "See, what'd I say? Piece of cake."

Baisotei was also a 'piece of cake.' He even confided in Shadow that he was happy she'd punched Arisa, since he didn't like her anyways, and congratulated her for getting in a good fight, not a cat fight/girl scuffle.

"Well, we have our jury," Shadow said happily as they spent the remainder of the lunch period on the roof. "Now all we have to do is talk to Kaito and see what his plan is for defending us."

"We'll do that after school," Kurama said.

"There's no way we can get suspended."

"Well, there is, but it's very unlikely."

"Shut up, partypooper." She went over and looked up at Hiei. He was balanced on the top of the flagpole, staring out across the city. He made balancing on a tiny sphere at the top of a tall pole on the roof of a multi-floor school look easy. Then again, Shadow had done it, so she knew it was really just a matter of concentration, and a small distraction could cause him to lose that precious balance.

Grabbing a stone, she flung it up at Hiei. He hadn't been expecting it, so he botched his dodge and landed in a roll, which Shadow instantly took advantage of and bodyslammed him.

"AUGH!" Hiei cried as her elbow slammed into his stomach.

Eclispe winced. "I think I preferred the kissing."

Kurama's eyes were wide with horror.

"That was uncalled for," Hiei moaned, pushing himself up to his knees and holding his stomach.

"Asserting my superiority."

"What superiority?"

"_My_ superiority," she gloated, standing over him. Without warning, his hand shot out and grabbed her ankle, pulling it out from under her and landing her on her back with an "OOF!" He pinned her.

"No more superiority."

"Kurama! Help!" Shadow whined. "I'm going to be tormented mercilessly! Help me!"

Hiei grinned evilly and started tickling her.

"Noooooo!" she wailed, squirming and laughing and twitching uncontrollably.

"These two are psychotic," Kurama sighed. Eclipse nodded.

"Yes." A short pause. "Are you ticklish, Kurama?"

"What!"

"Ticklish." She tickled his side and giggled when he shied away. "Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes you are!" She advanced on him and he made a break for the stairs. "Get back here!" Eclipse gave chase, leaving Hiei and Shadow alone up on the roof. Hiei stopped tickling Shadow and let her catch her breath. The bell rang, but neither seemed to care.

"Bell rang," Shadow panted.

"So?"

"Class?"

"Yeah, I do, and you do, but I don't care. We missed our lunch together."

"Oh yes. We did, didn't we?" She looked around. "You're sitting on me."

"Mm-hm."

"Reason?"

"I want to."

"Very good." She poked his stomach. "What do you want for dinner tonight?"

And so, they made their plans for dinner, they made their plans for after-dinner activities, and then they made out. Yes, on the roof of the school. While Hiei should have been teaching and Shadow should have been in class.

Neither cared.

"Heck of a first day back, isn't it?" Hiei mused, hugging his girlfriend. She grinned.

"It was a blast. But hey, one good thing is, with this fight to talk about, everyone has totally forgotten about the incidents at the mall on New Year's. Maybe nobody will remember to think that you're a cop. That's if they made that connection in the first place, which I doubt."

"But I showed Yamashita my badge."

"Yamashita doesn't contribute his knowledge to the rumor mill, Hiei."

The fire demon blinked. "You're right."

"No surprise there."

"Oh, shut up."

For Shadow, the rest of the day was spent in the gymnasium. Kurama and Eclipse actually went to classes, and Kurama lost count of how many times he had to dodge people who were seeking his version of that morning's events.

At the end of the day, Kurama and his friends met up with Kaito at his locker.

"Well, have you thought about it sufficiently?" Kurama asked.

"Yes, I have. I'll do it, Shuuichi," the boy said, shutting the locker and adjusting his glasses. (did you ever notice how often this kid adjusts his glasses? Pushes them up on his nose, fixes something, does something... I wanted to break them and gouge out his eyes with the shattered pieces!)

"Excellent."

"YAY!" Shadow cheered, severely less intelligently than Kurama. Kaito regarded her with a frown, but she didn't notice, since she was too caught up in singing.

"We'll need to discuss your case, of course, and since your trial is directly after school tomorrow, we'll have to do that today."

"Naturally."

"I wanna go to a coffee shop," Shadow said excitedly. "Can we go to a coffee shop? Coffee coffee coffee!"

Kurama sighed, looking to Kaito. Body language said he didn't care, so the redhead agreed, sounding unnecessarily exasperated. "Yes, Shadow, we can go to a coffee shop."

"YAY!" She jumped to the side, facing where she had just been and spoke in a more calm, professional tone (undoubtedly mocking Kurama and Kaito), "Which coffee shop shall we go to, Shadow-san?" She jumped back to her original position and clapped excitedly, speaking in her normal voice. "I know exactly where!" Change position and voice, "Well, do tell, Shadow-san."

"Is she always like this...?" Kaito asked quietly.

"Not always," Kurama muttered. Shadow continued her skit and he added, "Ninety percent of the time."

"Lead the way, then, Shadow-san!" Shadow was saying in her professional tone. She jumped back to her original position. "I will! And you damn well can't stop me, so don't even try!" With that, she ran erratically down the hall with her arms out as airplane wings.

"Where are we going, then? I wasn't listening," Kurama asked. Hiei shrugged.

"Wherever the hell you want. She named some dry cleaner's place on the other side of the city."

"Dry cleaner's..." Kurama repeated, shaking his head. "Well... Come along, then..."

When they arrived at the coffee shop a couple blocks away, Kurama held the door for Eclipse, and when he started to follow, Shadow appeared out of nowhere and pushed past him.

"Ladies first!" she snapped, fake-angrily glaring at him before following Eclipse in.

"You heard her," Hiei said, pushing the two startled teens into the shop before he entered. Both chose to ignore that he'd just called them ladies.

They gathered at a table in the farthest corner. A pretty waitress came over almost instantly and took their orders, her eyes lingering on Hiei and Kurama before she turned and left with a smile.

"Well, Shuuichi, let's hear it," Kaito said. "I've heard my share of rumors. What's the truth?"

And so, with Shadow's help, Kurama recalled the story of that morning to Kaito. When they started talking "smart law talk," the other three instantly lost interest and Hiei settled back to go to sleep. Shadow found other ways to amuse herself, which quickly ended in disaster when she sent a spoon flying and hit some businessman in the back of the head. When he looked, she vanished under the table and he was puzzled by the absence of anyone looking remotely guilty. The second he looked away, Kurama dragged Shadow out from under the table and glared at her.

"Would you stop it? You're acting like a two year old!"

"I'm sorry!" she said, hugging him.

"Get off me, Shadow," he pleaded. "Go home."

Shadow let go of him and her eyes darted to Eclipse, then Kaito, then Hiei, and then back to Kurama.

"If I leave, are you three gonna gang up on Eclipse?"

Kurama practically threw Shadow out the door, then tossed Hiei out on top of her. He turned to go back to his table and Eclipse came running, then flung herself out the door by the collar of her own shirt and landed on Hiei just as he was getting up off Shadow. All three abruptly realized they were in the middle of the road and, while Hiei bolted, Shadow and Eclipse were flattened by an ice cream truck and the stampede of kids and small dogs following it.

"Ow..." Shadow groaned as Hiei watched indifferently from the safety of the sidewalk. She sat up, holding her head, and looked around curiously. "Hey! Ice cream!" She took off after the truck.

"Ice cream!" Eclipse sat up and looked around. Spotting her friend plowing over the mob of little kids, she tore after her. Hiei sighed and started home.

"I think we're about done here, Shuuichi," Kaito said as the redhead stood in the doorway shaking his head.

"We had better be. I have to go." He jogged to catch up to Hiei and grabbed his arm. "Go get your girlfriend and Eclipse away from that truck before somebody gets hurt."

"They got run over by a truck!"

"They don't count! I mean civilians! Go get them before they kill civilians."

"So they aren't civilians?"

"Of course not! They're psychos! Go get them and stop procrastinating."

"Did you and four-eyes work out your defense?"

"Hiei..."

Hiei let out something between a sigh and a growl and jumped up to the roof of the coffee shop, darting after the two girls far above everybody's heads.

Two hours later, Shadow and Eclipse were returned to the House of Doom, bound and gagged and hanging from the ceiling.

"That's not really what I meant," Kurama muttered.

"They're back, aren't they? No harm done."

Shadow went up in flames and dropped out of the bindingsm spitting out a mouthful of ashes from her gag. "Guess this blows our dinner plans, no?"

"That is entirely your fault," Hiei said.

"Ice cream is Satan's tool of torture. So are flowers. And chocolate. Say, did you know that chocolate and sex have the same effect on your brain?"

Hiei's eye twitched. "How would you know?"

"Read it online. Something about dolphins."

"It's endorphines," Kurama interrupted, "but that's not the point. We have another problem."

"Another one? What now? Is Youko in heat?"

Kurama frowned. "Males don't go into heat, Shadow."

"They don't?"

Hiei whispered something in her ear. She got a look of realization on her face.

"Oh yeah! Guys don't, do they? I guess that is the same, isn't it!"

"Yes, Shadow. Now, you were saying, Kurama?"

"Our social studies project," Kurama said, directing a glare towards Shadow, "which you so kindly neglected to do, is due next week."

"Oh! Good thing you reminded me!" She grabbed Hiei's shoulders. "I'm going to work with you today, koi!"

"Yeah... You told me this morning and I totally forgot."

"REMEMBER!" she commanded in a deep voice.

"I already did."

"Damn you, you're not supposed to until I tell you! Asshole! I don't like you!" She turned away and crossed her arms.

"Whatever," Hiei said, starting to leave the room. Eclipse let out a shriek past her gag (recall she's been hanging off the ceiling this whole time), paralyzing them all as they covered their ears. Finally, Shadow got up and ripped the gag out of her friend's mouth, smacking her across the face with it.

"WHAT?"

"How the hell can you two treat each other like that? You're acting all weird today! You attacked him earlier, and now you're just all like, 'I don't like you' 'Fine, I hate you too' and you just ignore each other and THAT'S NOT RIGHT!"

Kurama and Hiei blinked, gazing at the girl in awe.

"What's not right about it?"

"When you love somebody, you hug and kiss and do sweet, kind things for each other. Not 'I hate you, asshole' 'whatever, bitch.'"

"I never called her a bitch," Hiei said. Eclipse glared. "I'm just sayin'..."

"Well don't! This is like an abusive relationship or something, man!"

"It's not abusive," the fire demon replied. "You guys just flipped out whenever we kissed, so what else are we supposed to do?"

"Not insult each other, you morons! Hold hands, sit next to each other and whisper sweet nothings in each others' ears or something! But not insult each other and ignore each other and say you hate each other! That could make an unstable relationship!"

"I never said I hated him, and look at the way you insult Kurama! You call that a stable relationship!"

"We're not in a relationship!"

"You wish you were, though," Shadow said smugly, crossing her arms and smirking as Eclipse turned slightly pink.

"No I don't! With that... girly man?"

"I take offense at that statement, Eclipse," Kurama said.

"I'm sorry," she apologized automatically. "Wait! No I'm not! What have I got to be sorry about? Look at you!"

Shadow looked at him. "I don't see anything wrong with him." She untied her friend and tossed her at Kurama.

"Hey!" the redhead yelped, as he had no choice but to catch her in his arms.

"Let's leave them alone, Hiei," Shadow suggested, grinning as she grabbed the demon and ran upstairs.

"Hey!" Eclipse shouted, jumping out of Kurama's arms. "What now? You guys gonna go upstairs and kill each other!"

"They're going upstairs to get away from you, goofball," Kurama said. "I'm going home, if you don't mind."

"What, and leaving me with them?"

"Go home."

"What, and be alone with my gay pervert 11-year-old loser of a brother?"

"Then stay here."

"And be with those two confused lovers?"

"Go... I don't know." They stood there in silence for a minute, looking at each other, before Kurama sighed. "Fine, come to my house..."

"Yay!"

* * *

**I read this chapter and laughed at it a lot... Was it really that funny?** Hm. I was gonna say something else... Probably something specific to some specific reviewer... Oh. Yeah. Here:  
**I've been told my stories are the only good ones on this site. I find that hard to believe, though it is flattering... I know of a lot of good stories here. Check out my favorites list... Which is a mess of old stories that I needto go through and clean that up cuz some of them I haven't bothered reading updates to and therefore they must not be my favorites, no? But you might find something of interest on there. If not, then you wasted your time. But oh well.  
****-SJ**


	18. The Trial of DOOM

**(5-6-05) Woot! 474 reviews! Let's try to reach 500 with this chapter! Get all your friends to review!  
**A few quick notes:  
**Ebbster:** I've been _writing_ this story for eight months. I know what I'm talking about. I've been posting since January, but writing since late August. Ah. Here. Properties. Document created: Wednesday, August 25, 2004, 4:17:28 PM. If you look at the author's note on chapter one, at the end, I'd already finished writing chapter eight by that point.  
**SEKAH:** Of course Karasu isn't gone! We all love him too much for that. Nope. He's in this chapter.

* * *

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN  
**The Trial of DOOM...

That night, Shadow did go to work with Hiei, video camera in hand. Kyouken was watching from his office, as he always did, to make sure Hiei was on time. When he saw Shadow stroll in behind the little demon, he instantly stormed out of his office, flinging the door open so hard that the glass nearly shattered when the knob hit the wall.

"What the hell is she doing here!" he snarled. Hanshin glanced up from a doughnut he was contentedly chewing on with a look of innocent curiosity. Hiei didn't even bother to acknowledge Kyouken _that_ much.

"She only needs to be here for a little bit. Something for school."

"Konban wa, Kyouken-san," Shadow said politely, bowing slightly. "I have come so humbly to this place to research crime for a project for school, due next week."

"I don't give a shit why you're here--"

"Just let her do her work and she'll leave," Hiei snapped.

"Yeah, man, don't get your panties all in a bundle," Hanshin added. "What's so bad about having a pretty girl wandering around?"

"Exactly that, Satoya. She'll distract you."

"You won't even know I'm here!" Shadow snapped. "I'm silent as the ninja! I'm so totally much a ninja that I can blend into white while wearing black! I'm the God of Ninjutsu!"

"I'm warning you, girl--"

"Uh-huh," Shadow said, cleaning her camera lens. She turned it on and focused it on Kyouken. "So, Police Captain Kyouken, what would you say about the crime rate in Tokyo?"

"Wha-- Well..."

"Is it high or low? What are you doing about it? What do you do with the criminals you catch? Is the justice system fair?"

"Shadow, you're changing the subject on the poor man," Hanshin said. "Slow down."

"Sorry. Kyouken-san, what. do. you. think. of. the--"

"The crime rate is low. I have a good force, and any criminals are quickly apprehended. In the past few months, the crime rate has gone down dramatically. I think Tokyo is a very safe city."

"That's excellent. So how about the condition of your prisons and prisoners? Are they treated well?"

"Of course. As well as criminals deserve to be."

"That probably means they're treated like shit," Hanshin whispered. Kyouken glared at him, but Shadow kept the camera trained dead still on Kyouken's face, not moving it to look at Hanshin or Hiei, who were on either side of the police captain.

"And is the justice system efficient? Do they get sent to trial and all that quickly, or are they sitting in their cells for months at a time?"

"It depends on the crime," Kyouken said. "Really, miss, I'm a very busy man. If you don't mind, I should get back to work."

"Not at all. But you said crime rate was low. How much work could you have?"

The man just glared and returned to his office. Shadow snickered as she saw the cracked glass that Kyouken wouldn't notice until it shattered. He kept the blinds shut on the big glass front of his office and on the door's window.

She focused the camera on Hanshin. "Hanshin-san, would you give me a tour of the prison please?"

"Of course." He got up, brushed the donut crumbs off his uniform front, and picked up his coffee mug. "This way, miss."

He led her through the door in the back of the police station and they headed down the hall towards the cells. Hiei was behind Shadow, but she didn't turn the camera to look at him.

"As you can see, our cells are not crowded, nor are they dirty. The inmates are comfortable and safe, and there's no way they can escape."

Shadow panned the camera from side to side, looking in all the cells, and suddenly let out a yelp.

"Karasu? What the hell are you doing back in prison!"

Karasu glanced up from the corner he was sitting in. "Oh. Hi Shadow."

"That's not what I asked, moron."

He got up and dusted himself off.

"And don't feed me some shit about killing a dog. I did a bit of research, and it turns out that Kyouken never even had a dog."

"Want the truth? Remember how I was Hiei's informant for that wonderful case at the rave?"

"Yeah..."

"Well I was in here before that for harassment charges, but that's not the point. Afterwards, Kyouken and I decided that I would just kinda live here. It's better than that drafty pile of sticks back in the woods behind your house."

Shadow's eyes widened. "You're living in prison? For what reason? What about Kurama?"

Karasu went to the cell door and opened it. "I'm not really in prison."

The girl shrieked. "This is unspeakable! I'm _recording_ this!"

"Edit it out," Hanshin suggested.

"Good plan," Shadow said. "Karasu, get back in your cell. I'm doing something for school. You can come back out when I'm done."

"Wait..." Hiei muttered. "How come I've never seen you here?"

"I usually sleep at night. Isn't that normal?"

"But... I've come through here..."

"Then I wasn't in here. I was probably out stalking Kurama or something."

"Uck. Lecher pervert stalker psycho..." Shadow muttered. "Back in your cell, asshole!"

Karasu obeyed with a sigh, and Shadow continued her filming with no further hitches. However, when she was finished, she handed the camera to Hiei and lunged on Karasu.

"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE IN A NINGEN PRISON RATHER THAN BE SECLUDED FROM THEIR IDIOCY IN A WICKED-COOL FOREST BEHIND MY WICKED-COOL HOUSE?"

"That shack you had me living in really wasn't my cup of tea, you know?"

"No! That was a lovely shack! If you didn't like it, you could have built yourself a new one, you moron! Or are you too stupid to do that? I forbid you from living here!"

"You can't do that," Karasu snapped, pushing her off him and getting up. "Have you forgotten--" He glanced at Hanshin suddenly, expecting to be getting a 'are these people psycho' look. He was quite surprised that Hanshin was regarding him with an indifferent look and sipping his coffee.

"Why can't I do it and what have I forgotten?" Shadow snapped, uncaring whether half the prison was staring at her.

"You can't tell me what to do because I am far more powerful than you, and I do what I please."

"Yeah, maybe. But have you forgotten that you died once, you can die again, and this time, Koenma will _soo_ die if he lets you bribe him with squid," Shadow threatened.

"What? You'll kill me because I want to live in a prison with ningens?"

"I'll brutally rape you!" she threatened. Hanshin snorted his coffee and nearly choked to death. Hiei stared at her. Karasu stared at her. Everyone within earshot stared at her. After a second, she frowned. "You'd probably enjoy that, wouldn't you. Gotta think of something better. Give me time. In that time, I expect you to be out of this nasty prison and back in your shack, you asshole. I'll make improvements to it. Come see."

She turned around and walked away. Hiei stared after her in utter horror before he took off after her.

"Wait a second, Shadow! You're _telling_ him to live near us, you're offering to build him a house? Do you know--"

The rest of his sentence was cut off by the door to the station shutting. Hanshin looked at Karasu, confused, before he shrugged and followed Hiei. Rolling his eyes, Karasu did as well, and went straight through and left the station.

"Bye bye!" Shadow sang. "GO HOME!"

"FUCK YOU!" was heard through the door. Shadow shrugged.

"So do you think there'll be any crimes tonight that I can film?"

"Go follow Karasu. Stalking. Then we can come arrest you," Hanshin suggested.

"No thanks."

The night passed slowly, and Shadow ended up sleeping in Hiei's lap while he played poker with Hanshin. Kyouken was furious when he saw this, and ended up with Shadow's boot print on his face for waking her up. Hiei sent her home at this point, and she got there before Kyouken had even straightened up from the kick.

However, when there was a crime, sometime in the last hours of Hiei's shift, he was startled to find Shadow was standing not far away filming the entire time. He quickly replaced his startled look with a glare and crossed the street to her.

"What are you doing?"

"Filming crime."

Hiei sighed. "You got me on there."

"Yeah."

"After I've been trying to keep the general public from knowing I work two jobs?"

"Well, I figured that since Yamashita knows, and he's your boss, and he didn't do anything, then it couldn't get a whole lot worse."

"Still..."

Shadow shut off the camera. "Would you know where Eclipse and Kurama went after we went upstairs earlier?"

"How would I know? Maybe they went home." He grinned, remembering what exactly had happened when they'd gone upstairs.

"Why are you grinning like that?"

"Oh, nothing. I gotta get back to work. Go home and go to bed. You've got a trial to go to tomorrow."

"You're going too, moron. Why are you grinning?"

Hiei just waved her off, kissed her cheek, and returned to his job.

"Hiei!" she whined.

"Go away!" he replied, still grinning as he got in the car with Hanshin.

"Why are you grinning like that?" the young man asked, looking at Hiei. "You look like a moron."

Hiei just shook his head. "Nothing."

"Why was Shadow over there?"

"She doesn't give up. And she's stupid."

Hanshin nodded.

* * *

First thing in the morning in school, Kurama, Shadow, and Arisa (a.k.a Slut-face) were summoned to the office. 

"Do you have your jury?"

"Yes, sir," Kurama said. "We have ours." He looked to Arisa.

"I've got mine," she huffed.

"Who?"

Yamashita was rather pissed off when he found that three teachers had agreed to be on the jury, but he summoned the seven students down to the office. Shadow leaned against the wall, whistling tunelessly until Yamashita yelled at her.

When all the students finally arrived in the office (Eclipse being the last, and she came running in panting like she'd just run a marathon), Yamashita started talking. He sounded very annoyed.

"I assume you all realize why you're here?"

Eclipse, who'd been doubled over panting, jumped up waving her hands. "I don't!"

"Moron!" Kurama snapped, grabbing her wrists. "Yes you do. Shut up."

Everyone looked a little astonished by his mannerisms towards the girl (everyone except Shadow, who was oblivious and building paper airplanes in the corner).

Yamashita's startled expression quickly returned to his usual sour expression as he continued, "You are the jury for Shuuichi Minamino versus Arisa Okawa on the subject of proper punishment for the... occurance yesterday. I've changed the time of the trial. It will be held today, during school."

"What!" Kurama cried.

"You can't do that!" Shadow snapped. "I'm calling my lawyer!"

"Yeah! Me too!" Eclipse snapped.

"Shut up Eclipse," she hissed, then continued in a loud and overdramatic voice, "I didn't sleep last night! I was looking forward to a good day's sleep in school, and now I'm gonna have to sleep through my trial!"

"No you won't," Kurama hissed. He turned to Yamashita, "May I ask you why, sir?"

"You may, Minamino, but I don't have to answer you." He picked up the intercom. "Who is defense and prosecution?"

"Yuu Kaito."

"Ryu Obake."

Yamashita called them down, and told them the same thing. Ryu looked appalled, but Kaito merely pushed his glasses up on his nose and looked indifferent.

"Any objections?" the principal asked.

"I HAVE AN OBJECTION!" Shadow and Eclipse snapped at the same time, and started speaking quickly and incoherently at the same time. Kurama put his hands over their mouths and shushed them as you would little children.

"Any objections we have won't change you're mind, sir, so we don't," the boy said with a little derisive smile.

"Good," Yamashita replied coldly. "The teachers should already know. I put it on the bulletin."

"I don't like you," Shadow said. "Just keep that in mind."

At that point, Hiei came into the office, rather angrily, and pushed past everyone to hold a paper up in Yamashita's face.

"What is this?" he demanded.

"The bulletin," Yamashita said plainly. "Get it out of my face."

"No. What is _this_," he snapped, pointing at the biggest font on the page.

"The trial is today. I'm aware you're on the jury. Why are you so upset?"

Hiei frowned, crumbling up the paper and crossing his arms. "Because you're an asshole. You can't just change it with no warning."

"I'm warning them. The trial doesn't begin until second period. They're all here, aren't they? I put it on the bulletin, didn't I? You've already got your way with this trial, I suggest you just shut up and listen to me, Jaganshi."

Hiei snarled, but Kurama gave him a warning glare and he stepped back. "Asshole," he hissed over his shoulder as he left the office.

"Where are you going!" Shadow snapped.

"Back to the gym, so that Yamashita doesn't go psycho about me being away from my class for too long." And he left.

Yamashita summoned several boys and sent them to the gym to set up for the trial, much to Hiei's annoyance. Second period came around, and all the students involved in the trial were escorted to the gym like prisoners. Shadow stopped dead when she saw the bleachers were folded out and the entire school was in the gym to watch.

"He can't really do this, can he?" she asked.

"Yes," Kurama sighed, "I think he can. He has, hasn't he? We can't very well stop him."

The overwhelming majority of the noise in the gym was a chant.

"Shuuichi is Innocent! Shuuichi is Innocent!" over one hundred female voices chanted. Kurama had a bit of a smile on his face.

"Well, even if I'm found 'guilty,' at least the entire female population of the school will hate Yamashita for it."

They took their seats, the jury took their seats, and Yamashita entered last. No one stood up for the 'honorable judge.'

"Does the defense have an opening statement?" Yamashita asked.

Kurama looked at Kaito, who sat beside him. Shadow had already settled back with her fingers interlocked behind her head, prepared to sleep through anything she was not needed for. Kaito stood.

"My clients, Shuuichi Minamino and Shadow Jaganshi, were involved in the incident purely in self defense, and I intend to prove their innocence."

The gym erupted in cheers from the girls. The chant started again. Kurama sighed.

"That's gonna have to stop," Shadow muttered.

"Prosecution?" Yamashita asked.

"Um." Ryu stood. "Um... School rules say anyone involved in a fight will be suspended, so I'm gonna try to uphold the rules and--"

Anything else was drowned out by the screaming angry girls. It took Kurama standing up to silence them.

"Please, ladies, we'll never get finished at this rate," he said. "Save your cheers for more appropriate times. Like, when Shadow and I are found innocent. Thank you."

Yamashita was glaring daggers, but the gym was silent. So silent you could hear a pin drop. Or, in this case, the beeps of a cell phone game, which were quickly traced to a very bored-looking Hiei. When he noticed all eyes were on him, he looked up with a clueless innocent look you'd expect of Shadow, and quickly tucked away his phone.

"Do continue," he said, gesturing. Kurama frowned a bit, but Shadow giggled.

"We won't be having such behavior in the court, Jaganshi," Yamashita said.

"I'm _terribly_ sorry. It _won't _happen again," Hiei promised, managing to insult Yamashita merely with his tone. The principal/judge frowned as the general reaction in the audience was laughter, grins, and murmured praise. He cleared his throat in annoyance and the gym quieted.

"Defense. Call your first witness."

Kaito stood. "I call Shadow Jaganshi to the stand."

Shadow hissed at Kaito as she passed him. When she sat on the stand, a boy playing several roles in the court walked up and put a bible in front of her on the desk. His name was Aoitori, so I don't have to call him 'boy' all the time.

"Left hand on the Bible, right hand in the air."

Shadow groaned. "This isn't real court, do I really have to do this?"

"Yes."

"What if touching the Bible causes my skin to boil and fall off? What if the Bible catches on fire at my touch? A whole multitude of things could go wrong."

"The Bible has never done that."

"I'm not a Christian."

"Put your hand on the Bible, Shadow."

Shadow frowned and obeyed. For a second she considered screaming and faking that her hand was boiling off, but decided against it. Kurama was already pretty ticked at her and Hiei.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"

"What if I say 'yes' but I'm lying?" Shadow asked.

"That's what the Bible is for! You can't swear on the bible that you will and betray your word!"

"I can if I'm not Christian!"

"JUST SWEAR, DAMMIT!" Hiei snapped. Yamashita glared at him again and he sat down, apologizing again. Kurama sighed as he realized Hiei was just making trouble for fun, and would continue to do so through the whole trial.

"I SWEAR I WON'T LIE! DON'T HURT ME!" Shadow yelped, cowering with her hands shielding her face (effectively removing her hand from the Bible as she swore). Aoitori noticed, but he knew Shadow, and he knew that insisting she put her hand on the Bible again would be stupid. He walked off with slumped shoulders, thinking about how he should not have agreed to help out during this trial, because it would be the death of him.

"Very good," Kaito said, retaining his disposition through the whole scene. "Now, Shadow, what happened yesterday between first and second periods?"

"Let's see. I was getting my science book at my locker, and along came Slut-face and her gang of Slut Followers. She--"

"Jaganshi, use names," Yamashita growled.

"Fine. And along came Arisa Okawa, and about twenty of her friends: Hana Mitsuki, Mimi--"

"That's enough," Kaito interrupted. "Continue with the story."

"Well, so Arisa is like, 'What did you do over break?' and I told her I f-- um, fooled around... with Shuuichi. I was totally joking, but I said it seriously because I wanted to see her reaction. She wasn't too happy, to put it mildly. I elaborated a little bit on the 'fooling around' that didn't happen, and she got really angry and slapped me. So I shouted 'self defense' before I punched her. Now, according to the rules of my martial arts, if you declare Self Defense before you go whoop-ass on somebody, in self defense of course, then it's not wrong."

"What is your style of martial arts, Shadow-san?"

"I dunno what it's called. It's what Hiei taught me."

Kaito adjusted his glasses and nodded. "Very well. Continue."

"Okay, so, when pretty boy came along, Arisa went nuts on him and tried oh-so-hard to kiss him, but he avoided her. To defend _him_, I grabbed her hair and flung her on the floor, and-- Wait, I forgot that right after I punched her, all twenty of her loyal followers jumped on me. I got away, then all this happened. As I was saying, she jumped back up and slapped me and I think I punched her, then I sidestepped into Tayama's grip, and he was like, 'BLARGH!' and I was like, 'EEEK!' and then Arisa slapped me again and I knocked her on her butt and Tayama was like, 'BLARGH! OFFICE! BLARGH!' and I was like, 'MEEP!' and then pretty boy tried to drag me to the office and Arisa jumped on him and was flipping out all over the place and hitting him and stuff and then Hiei showed up and--"

"Wait, you said she was hitting Shuuichi?"

"Yeah. And pulling on his shirt and stuff. She was real mad. Trying to make him kiss her and stuff, and isn't that abuse? Couldn't she get more days of detention for that? CRIMINAL! CRIMINAL! ASSAULT! HARASSMENT! Anyway, so can I continue my story?"

"Yes, please."

"So then, Hiei showed up, and he managed to drag Arisa off Shuuichi, and Tayama yelled at him and he yelled at Tayama and--"

"What did they yell?"

"Tayama was like, 'I CAN HANDLE THIS!' and Hiei was like, 'NO YOU CAN'T CUZ IF YOU COULD THEN THEY WOULDN'T BE LIKE THIS!' and Tayama was like, all, fuming several feet away, but Hiei managed to get us all down to the office and Yamashita was just gonna give us detention right off the bat, without even knowing what had happened! Since _I_ was involved, and he _hates_ me with a passion that _burns_ like the fires in the pits of _HELL_, then he was just gonna punish all people involved without knowing what had happened. Can you believe that? Can you believe what a prejudiced _bastard_ he is?"

The gym erupted in cheers. Yamashita slammed the gavel down over and over until the gym silenced.

"That behavior is unacceptable," he snarled. "You are still in school, so anything you say is punishable."

"Asshole," Shadow muttered.

"Continue your story, please," Kaito said before Yamashita could retort.

"Oh yeah. So Shuuichi, being the genius he is, brought up something about school court that he'd read in the rulebook. I guess that's why you never get a genius in trouble. They can worm their way out of it."

"Is that all?"

"Yes, that's it."

"I believe it's very clear that what you did was purely in self defense."

"It was."

"The fight was initiated entirely by Miss Okawa."

"It was."

"Your... martial arts. How long have you been studying them?"

Shadow thought for a minute. If she included the time in Makai, "Swordplay has only been about four and a half years, but I've done martial arts since I was old enough to stand."

"So, you're very devoted to your code?"

"Yes I am."

Kaito adjusted his glasses. "And... your code says that you cannot be punished for defending yourself, as long as you announce it."

"It does. And I _do_ expect society to accept my beliefs and ways because if they don't, they're all prejudiced assholes too."

"You stopped fighting when Tayama showed up."

"Yes. Again, Arisa hit me first after he showed up. I defended myself."

Kaito looked thoughtful. "No further questions." He returned to his seat and Ryu got up, a bit shaky.

"School rules say that in event of a fight, both parties are held responsible. Why do you think you should be exempt?"

"Because I was defending myself... We went through this just a minute ago with Kaito. Can I ask you something?"

"No," Yamashita said flatly. Shadow jumped up.

"WAS I ASKING YOU?"

"I'M IN CHARGE HERE."

"Oh yeah." She sat back down. "Continue."

"Why did you tell Arisa that you were... fooling around... with Shuuichi?"

"Because everyone in the school seems to think I'm a whore for some reason, so denying it wouldn't do any good. She wasn't expecting me to say that, and I am the opposite of expectations. I am... _un_expectations."

Kurama sighed. Why did he associate with such an idiot?

"Okay," Ryu said after a second of staring. "Have you ever attended anger management classes or counseling of any sort?"

"Objection!" Kaito said. "Relevance?"

Ryu looked clueless.

"He wants to know if your question has any importance, or if you're just asking things to take up time," Hiei called. Yamashita glared daggers, and the demon held up his hands, shrugging. "Sorry."

"Yes it has importance!" Ryu snapped.

"Answer the question," Yamashita instructed Shadow.

"No, I've never attended professional counseling or anger management."

"Have you considered the possibility that you, perhaps, should?"

"**ARE YOU INSINUATING THAT I CAN'T CONTROL MY ANGER? MY RAGE AND FURY? ARE YOU _DARING_ TO INSINUATE THAT I, PERHAPS, HAVE _PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS_! YOU EVIL, EVIL MAN!**" She blinked and sat down. "I've never considered it. Why?"

"Is it possible that you were lying about your entire version of the fight?"

Shadow looked insulted. "Why would I do that? I know what happened! I **_was_** there, after all. You weren't, so who the hell are you to accuse me of having no idea what I'm talking about?"

"STOP SWEARING," Yamashita ordered.

"YES MA'AM, YOU SON OF A MONKEY!" She turned to face Ryu. "**RYU!**" He jumped, and she settled back in her seat and said calmly, "Continue."

"I don't have any more questions."

"Go sit down, Jaganshi."

Shadow jumped out of her chair, over the desk, and ran back to her seat, throwing herself into the chair and tipping it over. Kurama made no attempt to help her up.

"Next witness," Yamashita ordered. Kurama was summoned to the seat and had to swear on the Bible. He made a much easier task of it than Shadow had, and Aoitori was relieved.

"Shuuichi, from what you saw of Shadow's fight, is she telling the truth?" Kaito asked.

"Yes," Kurama answered.

"And about your part in it, is she telling the truth?"

"Yes."

"Did Arisa try to kiss you?"

"Yes."

"What about Shadow's martial arts? You study the same style, correct?"

"Yes I do."

"And she's being honest about that, too?"

"Yes."

"_Did_ you two... fool around?"

"No we did not. ...I have a girlfriend, and it's not Shadow."

At that point, the majority of the gym burst into tears at Kurama's lie. Arisa stood up in fury.

"WHAT! WHO?"

"That's not your business, Miss Okawa," Kurama replied sweetly.

"SIT _DOWN_, OKAWA!" Yamashita yelled.

Once the gym had settled down, Hiei had been yelled at again for playing games on his cell phone, and Eclipse was discovered to be fast asleep and unable to be woke up, Kaito continued.

Adjusting his glasses, he asked, "You've read the school rules, correct?"

"Naturally."

"By your interpretation, would you be punishable, considering that you were not involved in the actual fight?"

"No."

Kaito nodded. "Shadow said that Yamashita didn't even ask for a full account of what happened. Is that true?"

"Yes. He was ready to suspend us all solely because Shadow was involved and he happens to be tired of her."

"That is also against school rules. If the principal is thinks he is exempt from school rules, then why shouldn't you be?"

"Because he's JEALOUS!" Shadow cheered. Yamashita glared and she grinned and continued sitting **on** the table, instead of in her chair _at_ the table.

"I _should_ be," Kurama stated simply. Yamashita's fury grew at this. How _dare_ this... _child_ say he deserved to be exempt from rules, just because he was a genius? How _dare_ he?

Hiei raised his hand. Yamashita glared at him.

"Just acknowledge me or I'll speak out and piss you off again," the little demon stated plainly.

"What do you want?" the principal snarled venomously. Hiei dropped his hand.

"You realize that this entire trial is based on our opinions, right? So shouldn't we be the ones to question the witnesses, so we can find out what _we_ think is important to the standing of the participants?"

"No. Continue, Kaito."

"No further questions." He returned to his seat and Ryu got up.

"The school rules state that in the event of a fight, both parties will be suspended, correct?"

Kurama thought for a moment. "Yes, but I called for a trial. Now it's all resting on the jury."

Ryu glanced at the said group of people. Eclipse was asleep, Hiei was drawing on his arm with a permanent black marker, and everyone else was watching like a responsible jury should do.

"Where were you when the fight started?"

"Around the corner and halfway down the hall."

"So you really were in no way involved in the fight?"

"You're the prosecution, Ryu," Kurama reminded. "Think of questions that will get me suspended."

Ryu frowned. "I don't think there are any questions that I can ask to get you suspended. You didn't do anything."

"RYU!" Arisa yelled in fury. He cringed.

"No further questions," he said, and returned to his seat next to Arisa. Kurama got up and went to Shadow, picking her up and dropping her in a chair before he sat between her and Kaito. Arisa was the next up on the stand. She, too, had to swear on the Bible, but she did it in such a snotty, hateful manner, that if she hadn't already had her demise scheduled, a bolt of lightning would have flown from the heavens and struck her dead on the spot.

"Now, Miss Okawa... Why did you strike Shadow?"

"Because she was fooling around with my Shuuichi."

"Why did you feel the need to slap her because of that? He is not your property."

Arisa decided to change her approach. "I know... I just... Having sex in high school is a bad choice to start with, and to make it worse... she didn't use protection!"

Shadow's jaw dropped in disbelief and Kurama looked utterly horrified. Hiei stood up.

"You are full of crap, girl. Those two are both pure. Neither has ever had sex. Shadow lives with me. She was never alone with Minamino long enough to have sex. You're full of shit and you know it."

Eclipse stood up, "Really! You're so dumb! You're the one who started the rumor about Shadow having sex with Hiei! Why would she cheat on a great guy like him?"

"I'VE NEVER HAD SEX WITH ANYONE!" Shadow screamed. "I'M STILL PURE! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HIEI AND I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH SHUUICHI!" Nobody heard her add, "At least, not yet."

Yamashita slammed the gavel down. "Jaganshi! Both of you! Sit down and shut up before I have you both thrown out! You too, Shinomori!"

Silence fell over the gym and after a moment, Yamashita continued, "If there is one more outburst like this, the trial is off and everyone involved is suspended for a month. And if you are involved, Hiei Jaganshi, then you'll be fired. It's not like you need this job anyway."

_Uh-huh, keep going asshole, and announce it to the whole school,_ Hiei thought bitterly, an indifferent look on his face. But Yamashita, for some unknown reason, did _not_ keep going.

The remainder of Arisa's questioning went without incident. They questioned a few random audience members who had been around, just to be fair. Yamashita announced an hour-long recess, during which the jury would debate the case. Kurama and Shadow wandered around the school for half an hour before ending up on the roof to avoid more fan enounters (Shadow now had what could be called fanboys, I suppose, and between them and Kurama's fans, they may as well have had the entire population of the school following them around).

"I can't believe Hiei kept speaking out like that," Kurama muttered.

"He was just making trouble. I thought it was funny."

"Everyone but Yamashita seemed to think it was funny."

"D'ya reckon we'll be innocent?"

"Of course we will. Arisa got so pissed after all that shouting she totally lost it, remember? Only her friends would vote her innocent now, and I'm not so sure even they will. This _is_ ME we're talking about, remember?"

"Oh yeah... Of course." Shadow sat against the wall and fell asleep in seconds, leaving Kurama to his thoughts.

A few minutes before their hour was up, Kurama woke her and they returned to the gymnasium. Most of the school had returned at the announcement five minutes prior, so they were greeted with a nice round of applause and cheers and shouts of names until they'd returned to their seat next to Kaito.

"If this trial accomplishes nothing else, at least you've got a fanclub now, Shadow," Kurama teased, listening to the amount of male voices shouting at her.

"Hiei's gonna be so pissed when they start hitting on me," she sighed.

The jury filed in just then, Hiei strolling in last, a considerable distance between him and the next person in front of him, and walking up to Yamashita's podium. He handed the man a slip of paper and said something, receiving a furious glare and harsh words in return, at which Hiei just grinned and strolled back to join the rest of the jury.

"Shuuichi Minamino, Shadow Jaganshi, the jury finds you... innocent... by an overwhelming majority."

"We all voted you innocent," Hiei announced with a grin and a wink. The gym burst into cheers and applause. Shadow jumped up on the table and started dancing. Kurama quickly had to restrain her as the volume of cheers increased. Everyone seemed to have forgotten his girlfriend remark earlier, and the girls were all cheering wildly, as always.

Yamashita waited a moment and slammed the gavel down until everyone quieted. "As for you, Arisa Okawa, you are sentenced to 10 days of suspension followed by as many days of detention, to be served after school scrubbing bathrooms."

Shadow jumped up on the table again and let out a whoop at this. Arisa fumed and stomped out, grabbing Ryu and dragging him with her. Shadow watched curiously until they were gone, then squatted in front of Kurama and said, "I think she's got him pussywhipped."

Kurama raised an eyebrow at her use of words.

"Oh, you know. He's her bitch."

Kurama cocked his head. "I know what you mean."

"I thought he was kinda cool, but then he was associating with her and I hated him, but now I realize maybe she's blackmailing him or has his favorite hamster as hostage or some shit like that." She grinned and stood. "This is a case for--" She spun a 720 circle and was wearing a tan trenchcoat with the collar turned up, black pants and shirt, sunglasses, and a black hat. "--P.I. Investigator, Shadow Jaganshi!" She jumped off the table and bounded silently to the door, peering both ways before running down the hall on tiptoes with exaggerated motions. Kurama sighed. The audience hadn't noticed her display. They'd already fallen to their own discussions.

Hiei wandered over to Kurama. "Where's she going now?"

"She's the P.I. Investigator Shadow Jaganshi. She wants to know if Ryu is being blackmailed by Arisa."

"Doesn't P.I. stand for 'Private Investigator'?"

"Yes it does."

"Then she's a Private Investigator Investigator?"

"That's what she said."

Hiei nodded. "You wanna go out and get some lunch? As far as I'm concerned, the school day's over, and I'm hungry."

Kurama stood up. "Sure. Where's Eclipse?"

His answer ran by a second later wearing black and shouting, "I WANNA BE A P.I. INVESTIGATOR TOO, MOMMY!"

"Okay, never mind! Where shall we go for lunch?"

* * *

I have to write an autobiography for English... I'm dedicating a few pages to Shadow. :grins: My teacher already thinks I'm nuts for all the papers I wrote... My voice shines through in those just as it does in this... I'm taking a CREATIVE WRITING CLASS next year. That spells DOOM! DOOM, DOOM, DOOM! Even though there isn't a single D, O, or M in the entire thing.  
We're doing Romeo and Juliet in English as well. You'll see the effects of that around chapter 25... Which is what I'm currently working on... Yeah... I'm still 8 chapters ahead of you people... 


	19. The Secret's Out

**(May 17, 2005)** Okay, okay, so I intended to update when I had 500 reviews, then I planned to update last Sunday, but I just didn't get around to it... But then I got this review from **Kuriku**, who was telling me how finals are in two weeks and school is sucking major ass because teachers are demanding 5 page papers, and I decided I would make an effort to update sooner, because I feel bad for you. So, just for you, Kuriku, is Chapter 19.  
I have **516 reviews right now. Thank you!**

**A note to homophobes: Since none of my readers are homophobes (I say this in a threatening "You had all damn well better NOT be homophobes" voice), I don't have to put a note/warning here telling you not to complain about certain developments in this chapter. Got it?

* * *

**

**CHAPTER NINETEEN  
**The Secret's Out

It had been a close call (okay, not really), but Kurama and Shadow had gone free while Arisa served her sentence. January had continued without incident, and Shadow had quickly grown used to having fanboys. They drove Hiei out of his mind, and she didn't make it any better by flaunting (once home she always apologized most humbly). The social studies project I so diligently remembered to mention (and then didn't detail) went over totally well, and, with Shadow's commentary, left most of the class helpless with laughter.

Shadow's detention sentence had continued regardless of the trial, and she used her free time spying on Ryu. It wasn't very long before she made her deduction. In front of Hiei, Kurama, and Eclipse, she announced her findings.

"Arisa is blackmailing Ryu with embarrassing photos of him and a friend of his... doing stuff... In addition to that, she's 'paying' him with sex."

"Paying him to do what?" Hiei asked.

"Spy on us."

"_WHAT?_"

"He has been for some time, apparently. I heard Arisa saying something about uncovering our secrets so that she and Shuuichi can be together after he ditches us due to whatever the hell we are apparently hiding."

"What are we hiding that Kurama doesn't know!" Hiei asked.

"Nothing, but she doesn't know that. We're hiding a lot from the general public, so she probably assumes that whatever we're hiding from them, we're hiding from him. Our relationship, perhaps? Or that we're demons? Our habits and abilities?"

Kurama chuckled. "She can go ahead and try to uncover your secrets; I hate her. She couldn't _pay_ me to even _touch_ her. Even Youko wouldn't associate with someone like her if possible."

"Sometimes circumstances decide who you associate with in Makai," Hiei said. He looked to Shadow, "Is Ryu spying right now?"

Shadow hopped away and came back a moment later. "Yeah. He's in his car parked across the road. Planning something?"

"All those rumors this year..." He thought for a few minutes. "Ryu could have started them all."

"I can't believe he would do that. What could she possibly have pictures of?" Kurama asked.

"I told you. Him and a friend of his doing stuff," Shadow reminded him.

"Sex?"

"Yeee-- He's gay. Or bi, maybe, since she's screwing him too..."

Kurama's eyes widened a bit. "She has pictures of him with another _guy?_"

"He leads a secret double life, I think." Shadow nodded proudly at her deduction. "Now, Hiei, your plan is...?"

"I think... Just to totally ruin that slut's life, to spoil her dreams of Shuuichi Minamino... We should let Ryu give her concrete evidence of our relationship, so she can... reveal our secrets... to Kurama and have him totally not care. How's that?"

Shadow grinned. "If you're willing to have our relationship in the open for rumors and harassment, I say fine."

Hiei nodded. "Let's go, then."

"Go?"

He stood and took her hand, "To the porch, stupid. He can see us there."

Shadow darted to the front door and peered through binoculars. "Okay, he's looking. Ready?"

Hiei nodded. He perfected their simple plan, then he and Shadow threw open the front door, laughing, and Hiei instantly spun her and pinned her to the wall next to the door, kissing her hungrily. Across the street, Ryu grabbed a video camera.

After a bit more kissing and neck-sucking, the door suddenly opened and Eclipse stepped out. She let out a little yelp at the sight of Hiei and Shadow, the latter pinned to the wall with the former sucking and kissing her neck. However, she only caught a little glimpse, as Hiei's head snapped up and the couple stared at Eclipse in horror for a moment.

"YOU TWO? EW! YOU... YOU'RE... LIKE... _THAT?_ YOU'RE... _TOGETHER?_ YOU'RE..." Eclipse let out a shriek and ran back into the house.

"Wait! Eclipse!" Hiei cried. "Don't say anything!" He and Shadow disentangled themselves from each other and rushed back into the house. Once the door was shut, Shadow peered out the nearest window and saw Ryu put away the camera and pull out his cell phone.

"He filmed us!" she said, a little surprised. "Wait, he's calling her..." There was a pause, then the unmistakable sound of a car engine starting told Hiei and the others he was leaving before Shadow told them.

"He's leaving."

"I'd guessed," Hiei said. Kurama peered at Shadow.

"Jesus, Hiei! You overdid it!"

The little demon looked up. "Huh?"

"That mark!" He turned Shadow's head to peer more closely at her neck. "That'll be there for a week or more!"

Hiei shrugged. "So?"

"_So!_"

"Well _she_ certainly wasn't complaining."

"Psst," Shadow said, tapping Kurama on the shoulder to get his attention. He glanced at her and she pulled her shirt down to reveal just as bad of a mark on her collarbone. "I never complain."

Eclipse stared at the purplish mark with a bit of wonder. "Wow... That's so cool!"

Three eyebrows raised simultaneously. Then Shadow grinned.

"You want one? I'm sure Kurama would be all too happy to give you one."

"Shadow!"

"Yeah!" Eclipse said.

"What! Why!" Kurama asked.

"_Shadow_ has one! Why should _she_ get something that _I_ don't?"

"That's because she has a creepy boyfriend! Do you even know what it is? Do you even know what it requires to get one?" Kurama asked.

"Thanks for that, Kurama," Hiei muttered. "Creepy... Hn."

"I want one," Eclipse pouted.

"Can't you act like an adult for once in your life?"

"Why don't we get Youko to do it, then?" Shadow suggested, slinking over to Kurama and putting her arms around his waist. "I can bring him out if you want."

"Hiei! Call off your girlfriend!"

"Oh, just kiss the girl, Kurama. You know you want to," Hiei said as he gently guided Shadow's arms to his own waist.

"That's not what she wants, she wants a hickey."

"Then give her a hickey," the fire demon advised. "The world will keep turning, and hell, you might realize you enjoy it. You can't avoid her forever." He picked up Shadow. "We've got a few things to attend to. Later."

And then, Kurama was left alone in the room with Eclipse. She was looking at him expectantly, arms crossed and foot tapping. The redhead looked at her for a moment before sighing helplessly and taking her in his arms.

"Hell of a reason for a first kiss," he muttered, then brought his lips to hers. After a second, he moved downwards and sucked on her skin for a moment until there was a satisfactory mark. "Happy?"

Eclipse had a smile on her face. "You actually did it."

"Huh?"

"I just wanted to see if I could persuade you." She pulled him down and kissed him again, much to his surprise.

"I like that," she muttered thoughtfully after pulling away. "No wonder Shadow and Hiei are all over each other."

"Their kisses are a bit more involved than what we just did," Kurama said. He held up a finger before she spoke, "And we are NOT trying that."

"Okay. I don't think I really want your tongue down my throat anyways."

"Yes she does!" came a slightly muffled voice from the next room.

"Quiet, moron!" Hiei's voice hissed in reply. Kurama got a disbelieving look on his face and crossed the room. They were sitting just around the corner on the floor. Hiei gazed up at him innocently, then he gave a smile and a little wave. Shadow had her mouth on his neck, paying him back for the mark on hers.

"You nosy little--"

"It's only cuz we love you," Hiei said most uncharacteristically, smiling. Kurama was speechless with a confused ball of emotions trying to unsort themselves in his head. He was startled by the way Hiei was acting, angry to find that they hadn't really left to start with, and still slightly confused by Eclipse. Shadow looked up from Hiei's neck, on which there was now a nice big dark mark, and smiled at him.

"We want you and Eclipse to get together, you moron. It's obvious you both like each other, so at least give it a try. Go on a date. Go to a movie or dinner or something. Just the two of you. It could be extremely fun!"

"STOP PLAYING MATCHMAKER!" Eclipse screamed from the doorway, and lunged past Kurama to tackle the lovebirds. "I can handle my own love life, thank you!"

"If you could," Shadow cried while being choked, "then why aren't you with Romeo there yet! Hiei went all emotional before you did!"

"And it was for the better, I might add," Hiei reminded as he rather forcefully pried Eclipse's hands off Shadow. He picked up his girlfriend. "_Now_ we're going to go attend to those things I said we had to attend to. And we're actually _going_ this time. Don't bother us."

"Yeah," Shadow snapped. "Don't bother us! You might regret it!"

"We won't bother you," Kurama promised. "I'm going home anyways."

"How come?" Shadow asked worriedly.

"Because. I need to think. And knowing that you two are in the same house as me doing God-knows-what you're planning on doing certainly won't help me think. Besides, my mother's making something special for dinner tonight." He flashed them a smile and turned. Eclipse looked at Hiei.

"Is it gonna be noisy here?"

"Noisy?" Hiei questioned.

"You know."

"Oh! Oh. No, Eclipse, we're not going to have sex or do anything involving the removal of pants," Shadow assured her.

"Oh, good. I'm gonna stay here, then, if you two don't mind. I won't bother you. I won't knock on the door while you two are not having sex or doing anything involving the removal of pants. You won't even know I'm here."

"We'd better not," Hiei snapped. Then he vanished up the stairs with Shadow in his arms. Eclipse went to the kitchen, gathered several boxes of crackers and cereals, carried them to the living room, and pulled out five DVDs at random from Shadow's collection. She put in the first one and settled down to watch while stuffing her face.

Upstairs, Hiei settled against Shadow, leaning on her chest while sitting between her legs, his shirt halfway across the room where it had landed when the girl had rid him of it. Shadow had her arms around him and her head on his shoulder.

"Love you," she murmured.

"Love you too," he replied, turning his head to kiss her cheek. "I'm glad it's Friday."

"Me too." She leaned back and started massaging his shoulders. "You've relaxed."

"Hm?"

"First time I did this, you were so tense it was probably extremely unhealthy. You've relaxed a lot since then."

"How could I not?" he murmured. Shadow smiled.

"With the weekend coming up, that gives Slut-face and her pussywhipped lackey two days to make a nice ol' plot with her slutty minion lackey followers to bring us down and get Kurama in her bed."

"Whatever she does... it won't get Kurama in her bed... and it won't 'bring us down.'" He hummed contentedly for a moment. "...Where did you get so good at this?"

"Practice makes perfect," Shadow replied. "Now's not the time to discuss it."

"You always say that."

"Shhh."

Shadow had been absolutely right when she'd said they wouldn't do anything related to sex. As a matter of fact, Hiei fell asleep in her arms and she shortly followed, leaning her head on his.

They slept like that until there was a knock on their door. Hiei stirred and snapped, "WHAT?" rather irritably. Eclipse's meek voice came through the door.

"I know you said you'd kill me if I bothered you, but I figured you'd want to know that your asshole boss is on the phone threatning to kill you if you aren't there in five minutes."

Hiei's eyes snapped to the clock and he let out a startled noise.

"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME UP? IT'S TEN THIRTY, YOU MORON!"

"I said I wouldn't bother you! Honest to God! And I didn't! I just figured that this guy would kill somebody if you weren't there in five minutes, and I'd rather it was you than me that died.

While Shadow killed Eclipse, Hiei threw on his uniform and found the phone that was off the hook. Kyouken was still on the line.

"Wait thirty seconds. I'm there." He hung up and indeed was at the police station in thirty seconds by foot. Kyouken was standing by Hiei's desk looking quiet perturbed.

"You're late."

"Your clocks are all fast."

"This is punishable."

"Then punish me. You can't fire me, I signed a contract. What're you gonna do, throw me in jail?"

A blood vessel in Kyouken's temple twitched.

Hiei spent the next two hours sitting in a jail cell playing cards with a serial rapist/murderer, missing his police jacket and with it, all his badges and identification. He'd been told he had no jurisdiction while in the cell. Oddly enough, Hiei happened to be the one who had caught this particular serial rapist/murderer, and the guy held no hard feelings. They played cards and Hiei learned that he was also a dishonorable cheater who rigged the deck and used to deal cards in Las Vegas, Nevada, in the United States, until he was charged with sexual harassment.

_**

* * *

**_

Monday morning, there was a special announcement with the normal daily bulletins.

"If all teachers would please turn on their televisions, there is a special home video to watch."

So, once the TV in Black-sensei's class was on, they waited a second, and in that second Kurama had an epiphany.

"Oh my God, Shadow, I know what this is gonna be."

And sure enough, onto the screen popped Ryu's home video that he'd filmed Friday evening while sitting across the street from Shadow's house. Shadow stared for a moment, then said, "Wow, isn't that a nice house?"

The entire class was staring at her. Her hand slapped over the still-present mark on her neck.

"What?"

"You and Jaganshi-sensei really _are_ fuck-friends," somebody said. "That's proof!"

Shadow burst into tears. "IT'S MY TWIN, I SWEAR TO GOD! HER NAME IS FRANK AND SHE HATES THE SNOW!"

Kurama's eye twitched. He was still staring at the television. "How could she do that?"

He stuck to Shadow like glue after first period, and when the usual fangirl slut squad surrounded her at her locker, Arisa seemed very, very proud of herself.

"Well, Shuuichi, now you know the truth. Shadow Jaganshi is a slut. She's fucking a teacher!"

Shadow was totally ignoring the whole thing as she opened her locker and pulled out her science book. Kurama didn't pay attention to the giant stack of papers and empty pop bottles and orange peels in the bottom of Shadow's locker, as he normally would if he wasn't otherwise distracted.

"Shadow is still a virgin," Kurama said levelly. "It was you who put that film on the broadcast, wasn't it? You filmed it. You're a disgusting bitch, and I can't believe you would do something like that. Shadow's a wreck."

Shadow, who'd looked perfectly fine a second before, took a second to realize what he said, then suddenly burst into tears and Kurama hugged her, petting her hair and whispering comforts.

Arisa watched in horror as he escorted the sobbing girl to her next class.

"That bastard," she snarled when he was gone. "That lousy, good-for-nothing, stupid son of a bitch. He'll regret this!"

The second Shadow walked into science, she was no longer crying, but instead had several dozen pairs of eyes glued on her. Even Tayama was staring, though his was more of a disgusted glare than an awed look like most of the rest of the class was giving. He did not say a word directly about it, but instead he found ways to indirectly insult her. It didn't matter; she slept through the class anyway.

Hiei fared a bit worse. As there was no TV in the gym, his class missed the special broadcast. However, they got a special show when Yamashita came striding into the gym, went straight up to Hiei, grabbing his collar and pinning him to the wall.

"What was that!"

"Get your fucking hands off me! What was _what_?"

"That broadcast!"

"What broadcast!"

"The one they just showed on the television, you son of a bitch!"

"Do you _see_ a television in here!"

"That broadcast was visual proof that you are in a relationship with one of the students here!"

At this, the class gasped and moved closer to hear better.

"_What?_"

"That means the rumors going around earlier this year were true. Having sex with a minor is a crime punishable by law."

Hiei wrenched out of Yamashita's grip. "What the hell are you talking about?"

And so, Yamashita had a custodian bring a television on a cart to the gym and he put in a tape. Hiei's eyes widened a bit. _Okay, not quite what I'd expected her to do with it... Crafty bitch... How'd she get--_

"Oh my GOD, Hiei, you have got a way with the ladies, don't you!" one boy exclaimed. "You and Shadow, gettin' it on!"

"Shut up," Hiei snapped. "I don't want to hear a word from anyone." He glared up at Yamashita. "How the hell did you get this?"

"It was in my mailbox this morning with a note on it. What have you got to say for yourself, Jaganshi?"

"First off, we've never had sex. Second, as long as we don't do anything on school property, you very well can't do shit about it, now can you?"

Yamashita gave Hiei a death glare, and Hiei returned it tenfold.

"I'll have my eye on you, Jaganshi. You put one _toe_ out of line and you're fired." He stalked off, and the custodian wheeled away the TV. The second the gymnasium door banged shut behind them, Hiei snorted, looking at his role call sheet.

"'You put one _toe_ out of line and you're fired,'" he mocked, chuckling to himself. "Idiot." Then he glanced at his class. "You guys don't have to do anything today. Just don't bother me, and don't kill each other."

It was quite impossible for them to bother him, because a moment after he said that, he'd tossed his clipboard into the corner and left the gym, headed down the hallway towards the stairs onto the roof. And once on the roof, he flitted _off_ the roof and, by way of rooftops, went pretty much all the way around Tokyo, even to Yusuke's school, where he was not entirely surprised to find the boy also on the roof.

"Hiei!" he yelped when the little demon dropped out of the sky and landed beside him.

"Skipping classes again, Urameshi? Tsk. Detention."

"Like you have any room to talk! You're a teacher! Where's your class!"

"Mieou High."

"And you're here. This isn't Mieou High."

"I know."

"What's wrong?"

"I made a little plan that kind of turned into a giant mistake and now the entire school has seen a video of me and Shadow making out."

Yusuke stared. "Um..."

Hiei filled him in on the events of Friday evening and so far that morning, finishing by mocking Yamashita again and going off into a mumbled stream of curses.

"Wow," was all Yusuke could say for a moment. Then, "Isn't totally vanishing off school property putting a toe out of line?"

"Of course it is."

The boy gave him a questioning look.

"I don't care," Hiei said plainly.

"Did you come seeking my counsel, or..."

"I just came by this way is all. What class are you supposed to be in?"

The bell for second period had rung while they were talking, and Yusuke shrugged.

"I think I'm supposed to be in history. Maybe math."

"Oh. Pff. Go on and keep skipping. I've got to get back to my job, Yamashita's probably gonna come check on me any minute..." He was gone. Yusuke blinked, then settled back down in his usual spot to sleep through the next few classes until lunch, like that encounter hadn't been in the least bit odd.

Sure enough, when Hiei arrived in the gym, there was Yamashita, standing there looking impatient.

"Where were you?"

"Bathroom," Hiei lied, shrugging.

"You spent half an hour in the bathroom?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"Where were you _really_, Jaganshi? Tell me or I'll fire you."

Hiei rolled his eyes. "I went for a walk." _Sort of._

"You--"

"Look at it this way: Would you rather I went for a walk, or that I killed half the population of the school?"

"What?"

"You piss off a martial artist like me and that's what you get."

"Martial artists are supposed to be disciplined."

"I am. I went for a walk, and now I'm calm and disciplined."

"Jaganshi," the man snarled. Hiei stopped and looked over his shoulder at the man.

"What do you want? You want me to be some kind of mind-controlled slave to you or something? Never do anything you don't tell me to? Because if that's what you want, that's pretty funny."

"I expect you to act like all the other teachers."

"Ri-i-i-ight," Hiei said. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

"Remember, Jaganshi. One _toe_ out of line--"

"Uh-huh," he interrupted. "Got it. One _toe_ out of line and I'm fired. However, as you're so fond of pointing out, I don't need this job anyways."

Yamashita glared and stormed away.

Hiei and Shadow got nothing but funny looks, rude comments, and whispers behind hands for the rest of they day. Health and gym classes were especially bad. Etsuko had finally reached the point where she was devoting the entire class to discussing sex, instead of starting out talking about something and getting sidetracked into talking about sex. Topic of discussion today: foreplay.

Shadow got so sick of one especially perverted boy constantly whispering to her ("Psst! Jaganshi! You taking notes on this?" "Hey! Shadow! You and the sensei ever do _that?_" "Oh, God, you should have Hiei try that on you!") that she exploded in the middle of class.

"**JUST BECAUSE I KISSED HIM DOESN'T MEAN WE HAVE NIGHTLY PASSIONATE LOVE-MAKING SESSIONS! STOP HARASSING ME!**"

Nobody spoke to her for the remainder of the class. However, just outside the door, the kid who'd been harassing her said, "So, how much of that _have_ you tried?"

Shadow clenched her teeth, but Eclipse answered for her.

"**NONE OF IT, YOU UGLY PIG! GO FUCK A COW!**"

The kid was gone in a second. Shadow smiled.

"Thank you!"

"You're welcome."

"That wasn't entirely true, though."

"What?"

"The 'none of it' part."

Eclipse blanched. "I don't want to know."

"What? It's harmless fun until someone gets pregnant."

"Shadow! Have you--" Kurama started, but Shadow laughed.

"Haven't I told you? I've never had sex with him!"

"It's only a matter of time, though," Eclipse sighed.

"See? Eclipse remembers what I say," the other girl snapped at Kurama.

"Okay, okay! Jeez..."

When they arrived in the gym, Yamashita was in the corner and Hiei was in the corner farthest from him, and Kurama stopped dead before he crossed the invisible line between the two. Their glares were so fierce that he had no doubt any mortal passing through Hiei's line of sight would be fried. Shadow, also sensing this, solved it by darting to Yamashita and shouting, "THE SCHOOL'S ON FIRE!" and then rushing to Hiei and kissing his neck. This distracted both of them into breaking eye contact, and the rest of the class entered safely, unaware that seconds before they would have died.

Yamashita stayed the entire class period. Just because of this, Shadow actually changed into the gym uniform and participated her ass off. They went outside and decided to play soccer, and after holding a vote, the teams were decided: Shadow, Eclipse, and Kurama versus everyone else.

Kurama played goalie while the two girls did all the work, at their own request, and they whipped butt. Coming off the field just before the end of class, Shadow and Eclipse were sweating and looked a bit exhausted, but they were grinning from ear to ear, quite pleased with their victory. Hiei congratulated them, then gave a furious glare to the rest of his class.

"You people are aware that those two girls just beat you, right?"

Some people burst into complaints about equality and how unfair it was and that Eclipse was MVP of the varsity soccer team and had been MVP of whatever soccer team she was on since she'd started playing, but Hiei silenced them all.

"ELEVEN OF YOU versus TWO GIRLS! Two teams alternated, and those two girls, without a moment of rest, beat them both into dust. What does that tell you?"

"That those two girls are aliens or something!"

"Shuuichi was an awesome goalie. How come you don't play soccer, Shuuichi?" one kid said, catching up to Kurama as they headed inside.

"I'm not really into sports," he answered, dusting off his uniform.

"I never knew you had any physical abilities at all!" the boy continued.

"Fitness of the body aides fitness of the mind."

"Really?" The kid had no idea what he'd just said. Kurama nodded.

Yamashita caught Hiei as he trailed the kids inside.

"What the hell kind of class was that?"

"They all participated, they exercised, they wore the uniform... I'd say, overall, it was a successful class. Why? Are you gonna get on my case about letting them play the game on teams of their choice? The kids picked those teams, not me."

Yamashita glared.

"And did you notice how I did not touch Shadow once in all that time?" the little demon continued. "See how she participated and challenged herself without me getting on her case? She didn't expect favoritism from me. She doesn't. She knows how to act in public and I know how to act in public. Okay? Watching my class isn't going to make her behave any differently than usual."

Once Yamashita was gone, which happened to coincide perfectly with the second Shadow entered the main gym from the locker room, Hiei was pounced on and pinned against the wall by his girlfriend and given a long kiss and hug.

"What was all that shit about knowing how to act in public?" Kurama asked quietly from right behind Shadow. She reluctantly broke the kiss and realized that most of the boys in the class were standing there staring.

"Who said that?" she asked.

"Me, to get Yamashita off my case," Hiei said. He looked at the boys, who'd now been joined by a few of the girls. "Do you have a staring problem or something?"

"Yes," one boy said. Eclipse came dancing out of the locker room, threw her arms around Kurama, and hugged him until he couldn't breathe. Every girl in the gym let out an indignant "Humph!" and spun on their heels, walking away with thier noses in the air.

"At least she didn't kiss him!" Shadow called after them. A few of the girls turned to glare just as Eclipse kissed Kurama on the cheek. They let out another indignant "Humph!" and stomped away. Shadow looked to the guys. She still had her arms around Hiei, and he had one arm around her waist.

"Are you guys mad at me?" she asked. They were mostly her fan club... they were most of the class. She did notice one guy missing, though. Ryu.

"Why would we be?" one asked arrogantly.

"Because I'm not available."

"Why should we care?"

Shadow snorted. "They're playing dumb... Like they were never drooling over my sexy body... That's the reason they lost that soccer game, you know," she said quietly. "Other than my superiority, those gym uniforms are pretty revealing."

"I couldn't help but notice," Hiei replied quietly. Kurama sighed heavily.

"C'mon, do that somewhere else!"

"What? Do what? We weren't doing anything!" Shadow complained.

"You were _going to_. It's enough that you refuse to stop while I'm around, but you could at least lay off while ten or fifteen other people are watching, couldn't you?"

"Of course," Hiei said. "We'll continue this later, Shadow."

"Yes sir." She kissed his cheek. "I should be getting to detention, shouldn't I?"

"Yes."

"Bye bye!"

And so, Shadow went to detention, and Hiei went home all by himself to discover Ryu Obake sitting on the porch.

_Play dumb_, he reminded himself. He glanced at the boy curiously as he stepped up onto the porch. "Hey."

"Hey..." Ryu replied, sounding a bit miserable. Hiei titled his head to one side.

"What's got _you_ down?"

"I... have a confession. Could we go inside?"

"Sure..." _Good kid._ He unlocked the door and led them inside. Setting down the messenger bag he'd taken to carrying, he looked at Ryu. "Now... What's troubling you?"

"Um... You know... that video they showed this morning?"

Hiei darkened his expression. "Yes. What about it?"

"I... filmed that."

"**What!**"

"Don't be mad! Let me explain!"

"Explain _what?_ Why would you do something like that!"

"It's... Arisa."

The fire demon stepped back a bit, looking curious and confused, yet still slightly angry. "What about her?"

"She's blackmailing me."

"Blackmailing you? To spy on me and Shadow? What the hell is she blackmailing you with!"

"Pictures... of really private things."

Hiei gave him a questioning look.

"I don't know how she got them! They're of..." He looked uncomfortable, and finally whispered it into Hiei's ear. The little demon's eyes widened.

"Jesus Christ! She got pictures of _that!_"

He nodded, looking uneasy. "I'm really sorry about all this, but you understand, don't you?"

"Yeah I do." He paused. "Just how fuckin' long have you been spying on us!"

"Since... um... that one time... when you got mad and went into the woods."

"Holy shit... So that's what that rumor about me and Shadow having sex in the woods came from?"

Ryu nodded, not meeting his eyes.

"That was months ago."

Another nod.

"Well, congratulations on keeping quiet for so long, but you shouldn't have done it in the first place and you know it."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm gonna stop. I swear. I'm going to Arisa tomorrow."

"She'll put those pictures all over the place, you know."

"I know. I'll have to deal with my entire world crashing down on my head..."

Hiei looked thoughtful, staring at the ground, then smirked. "Nah. Don't tell her. Keep playing along."

"What?"

"Shadow and I will deal with Slut-face."

"But, if she finds out I told you--"

"She won't find out. Believe me, we'll think of something, kid. You wanna stay here for a while? I've got to talk to Kurama."

"Wha...?"

"That whore doesn't know you're here, does she?"

"No."

"Good."

"You know her whole purpose in showing that video was to try to make Shuuichi hate you guys, don't you?"

"Really? Well it didn't work. He already knew."

"Oh..."

"She's spying on us to try to get dirt on us to make Kurama hate Shadow, right? So that she can pounce on him at some unsuspecting time of day and seduce him to her bed?"

"Um... yeah..."

"Well that's not going to happen. Now if you'll pardon me, I've got to use the phone."

"You mean... what those pictures were of... that doesn't bother you?"

"I have nothing against bisexuals." Hiei chuckled. "Excuse me." He was gone before Ryu could say anything else. Reaching Shadow's bedroom, he grabbed the phone and called Kurama. He filled the fox in on what had just happened.

"Okay... So, what's your plan?" the boy asked. Hiei shrugged, then realized Kurama couldn't see him and said, "I'm not sure." He flopped back on the bed and lay with his head on Shadow's pillow.

"She's trying to sabotage us, so I think we should sabotage her. I can't kill her here, though that would be a lot simpler... you and your damn ningen laws..."

"I didn't make the laws, Hiei."

"I know."

"So, how do you plan to sabotage her?"

"I don't know. She's after you."

"Who _isn't_...?" the boy muttered miserably.

"I say we either make you unavailable, or we do to her what she did to us. Put a spy on her, then have them spread rumors or something."

"Shadow?"

"Well _I'm_ certainly not doing it. Shadow can stay completely hidden in a desert in the middle of day when there's a neon sign pointing to her."

"Nice way of putting it."

"It's true. I don't know how, but she's able to do the strangest things..."

"Obviously... Maybe she's really more powerful than we give her credit for. Maybe she's a higher class demon than even _you_."

Hiei laughed. "If she was, considering who she is, Earth would no longer exist."

"True enough. So she's gonna spy on Arisa? What could she possibly find out? Nobody cares about Arisa. She's a nobody except to desperate guys who want to get laid. She has no reputation to destroy... Her parents are probably drunk junkies who totally approve of her sex life."

There was a pause, then Hiei chuckled again. "You're a judgemental, stereotyping bastard, Kurama."

"Thanks," he replied sarcastically. "You can just perfect your plan alone if you're going to be like that."

"Sorry. Okay. Let's think."

There was a pause. Kurama sighed. "I'm not good at being evil high-school style."

"Shadow is. We'll talk to her. But we're going to ruin that slut's life no matter what it takes. Just because she's a bitch and I haven't got to torture anyone for a long time..." He sighed longingly. "I'd like to go back to Makai, just to find some worthy demon, get pissed at him, and kill him slowly and painfully. Maybe he'll have a lot of followers so I can whip their asses too."

"Remember what you said a long time ago, Hiei? The only thing keeping you in Ningenkai is Shadow."

"So?"

"Just saying."

"Well don't. She _is_ the only reason I'm still here, and most of the reason I haven't told Koenma to shove it when he calls me for a case."

"That's sweet."

"Shut up."

"Okay."

The fox didn't say another word. Finally, Hiei sighed. "You're useless. I guess we'll just have to wait until Shadow gets home."

"Very good, then."

"Fine. Bye."

"Ja mata."

They hung up, and Hiei rolled over, putting his face into Shadow's pillow and inhaling deeply. A smile graced his lips and he made himself comfortable, shortly falling asleep.

He awoke to a shriek some hours later.

**"YOU DID WHAT!"**

Well... Shadow was playing along, too. That was good.

Seconds later, there were thudded footsteps up the stairs and the bedroom door flew open. Shadow lunged in and tackled him, rolling him off the bed. They landed on the floor, Shadow pinning him.

"Ryu was spying on us! Can you believe that!"

"Yeah."

"Oh." Shadow blinked and looked up at the bed. "You were laying in my place."

"Mm-hm. It smells good. It smells like you."

"Oh. Well thank you!"

"Yeah."

"What's wrong?"

"You woke me up."

"I'm so very sorry."

She had him pinned to the floor, but he smiled anyway.

"What do you say we continue our conversation now?"

The girl thought for a moment, then smiled. "Okay... Sounds like a plan to me, koishii." She leaned down and kissed him. "Want me to dress up in skimpy clothes and do erotic dances?"

"No, Shadow. That isn't necessary."

"Ah, darn. I guess I'll just find other ways to turn you on."

"You're good at that."

"Why thank you!" Her hands were roaming over his chest. "I really do try."

"Mm-hm..." he murmured, distracted with her movements. "I love you."

"Oh yeah?" She pulled off his shirt. "Even though I torment you?"

"I'll get back at you eventually. Just wait until next year."

"What's next year?"

"When you won't have that wretched New Year's resolution."

Shadow grinned. "Oh yeah. So you're already planning for that, huh?"

Hiei shivered at her touch. "It's hard to keep my mind off it when you're touching me like this."

She smiled. "I could do worse."

Somebody in the doorway cleared his throat.

"Mother fuckin' son of a bitch," Hiei snarled, sitting up to peer over the bed at... Kurama. "What the hell are you doing here, you stupid bastard? Can't you see we're in the middle of something?"

"Well you're in a good mood... and no, I can't really see... The bed's in the way. Are you decent?"

"Asshole," Hiei hissed under his breath, grabbing his shirt as Shadow moved off his waist. He stood, glaring at the redhead. "How long were you there?"

Kurama tilted his head to the side. "From about the point where you said you loved her."

Hiei thought for a second, then let out an annoyed noise. "You bastard!"

Kurama smiled. "What? At least I didn't walk in on her 'doing worse'... I have some ideas about what that may be, Shadow, and I say you should play around with pants _on_ rather than _off_ until--"

"I don't want safe sex lectures from you, fox!" Shadow snapped.

"Jeez... I learned something... Interrupting the two of you while you're torturing each other is a bad idea."

"Congratulations, you're a fuckin' genius," Hiei muttered, pulling on his shirt. "What do you want?"

"I'm not talking to you until you stop snarling and cussing."

"Hn."

Shadow kissed Hiei's cheek. "I'm gonna go make dinner." She lowered her voice, "We'll make up for this later."

That cheered Hiei up a bit. Kurama sighed and stood aside for Shadow to leave the room, then frowned at Hiei.

"Hiei... You really should watch it with her."

"Don't lecture me," he groaned, laying back on the bed.

"I'm serious. I know you have good control and everything, but even _you_ have a breaking point, and when your need becomes unbearable--"

"I'm not going to _rape_ her, you idiotic fox."

The boy continued frowning, but he laid off. "Alright... Just don't do anything you'll regret."

"I'm getting sex lectures from _you_, Kurama?"

The boy sighed and left, seeing Hiei was a hopeless case and would do what he wanted and not take advice on his relationship. He didn't even bother asking if Hiei had spoken to Shadow about totally ruining Arisa; it was obvious he hadn't.

Dinner was awkward. All throughout it, Shadow occasionally cast a glare at Ryu, and Kurama occasionally cast a suspicious look at Hiei and Shadow (who sat side by side within easy under-the-table access to each other), Hiei occasionally cast a dirty look at Kurama for casting suspicious looks at _him_, and Ryu kept his eyes on his plate and ate his food in silence, feeling ashamed and out of place among the people he'd betrayed.

Finally, when dinner was over and Shadow had cleaned up, they sat around the table and Hiei told Shadow and Ryu what he'd decided. They would ruin her life. Shadow was all for it. Ryu didn't seem all that displeased with the idea either. As a matter of fact, he brightened considerably.

"Pranks are my strong point," he said, grinning a bit.

"Pissing people off is mine," Shadow gloated. "If ruining her life pisses her off, I can do it."

"Great," Hiei said. "If you get any ideas, tell me. I'll arrange everything I can."

"YOU'RE RUINING SOMEBODY'S LIFE AND YOU DIDN'T INVITE _ME?_"

Everyone jumped as Eclipse came flying into the room and tackled Shadow, shouting, "You BITCH!"

"It wasn't me, it was all Hiei, I swear to God, kill him!"

Eclipse stood up and rounded on Hiei with a spiked club.

"Shadow, you backstabbing--"

But Shadow jumped on Eclipse's back before he could finish his insult and started pulling her hair.

"YOU DARE TO ATTACK MY HIEI?"

"They'll be at it for a while," Hiei sighed. He got up and left. Kurama blinked, but shrugged and went after him. Ryu, not knowing what else to do, also followed.

They still hadn't stopped attempting murder by the time Hiei had to go to work. They were outside, jumping around randomly like crazed rabid monkies with sticks and hitting each other. Hiei paused on the porch, and realized that every _crack!_ of stick impacting skull (or similar body part) seemed musical, like a dance beat of some sort. He shook his head. Only those two girls could beat each other up musically. It was a wonder they hadn't made up words to go along with it. Maybe they had and they were just at an intstumental break in the song.

"HALT!" Shadow called. Eclipse froze in mid-jump and fell to the ground with a thud as her opponent turned and ran to Hiei, calling his name. He stopped and braced himself to be tackled. Shadow just threw herself into his arms, putting her arms around his neck and kissing him. "I thought of something!"

"Wow, really? How could you think with so many impacts to your skull?"

"I don't need my brain to think, silly. Anyways, I got some ideas for destroying Slut-face's life!"

"Well? Let's hear it."

"You know, of course, that Valentine's Day is coming up."

"Yes, you told me about that."

"Well, you see, everyone gives Kurama stuff on Valentine's Day, since it's tradition here for the girls to give the guys something, then in March, the guys give something to whoever gave them something, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, you see, Kurama usually gives the blessing of his presence, perhaps a smile, a 'thanks', or a brush in the hallway. But I think we should send Arisa an anonymous box of chocolates."

Hiei tilted his head a bit. "And...?"

"It should have ARSENIC in it! SHE'LL DIE!"

"We're not allowed to kill, koishii. Koenma will put us in prison."

"Ah, fuck. Well, then..." She thought for a moment. "Ex-lax."

"Isn't that..."

"For constipation, yes. She won't leave the bathroom for HOURS!"

Hiei laughed darkly. "You're evil."

"Don't you love me?" she asked mischeviously.

"Yes, I do. If you're finished with your little... spar... why don't you go in and tell Ryu that." He said 'spar' skeptically because Shadow was covered from head to toe in bruises, blood, and sweat, and spars aren't typically supposed to end up like that.

"Yes, we're finished here," Shadow said. "I've got a few more ideas, too, though!"

Hiei kissed her cheek. "Yeah, but I've gotta get to work or Kyouken will have a seizure and hire the Underground to kidnap and rape me. See you in the morning."

He darted off. After a second, he slowed to a leisurely walk, hands in his pockets. After another second, he became aware that he was being followed. A glance over his shoulder and he identified his stalker.

"You could at least wait until a weekend to kill me, moron," he said, turning. "That way, you'll have more time to hire a new gym teacher. Why do you insist on trying to murder me, anyways?"

A few more people stepped out from another alleyway and Hiei was shortly surrounded.

"That'd make a nice headline... 'Principal of Mieou High Arrested for Murder and Mob Connections.' You really should learn the art of stealth. I'm not going to beat the shit out of all you on my way to a fuckin' police station."

"Good," one man behind him said. "We'll just beat the shit out of _you_, then."

"Go for it," Hiei challenged. He let the men jump at him, dodging towards the nearest alley between two buildings. Once he was 'cornered' between the buildings and a fence, he jumped onto the fence, pulled himself to stand on the top, then flicked his eyes around before dodging projectiles that shattered on the walls as he went from the fence to a nearby windowsill.

"Kill him!" Yamashita ordered. The other men pulled out guns and Hiei swore loudly. Dodging bullets was certainly inhuman, but he wasn't about to let himself be shot, so he jumped over their heads and landed on the opposite wall, ran along it for a short length, then hit the ground running and rounded the corner into the street. He didn't stop running until he reached the police station.

Hanshin looked at him curiously as he plopped down heavily at his desk.

"What's up?"

"Another attempt on my life."

"Another!"

"Months ago, the principal of Mieou high school tried to kill me. He just tried again, only this time, he had some of his buddies with him."

Hanshin stared. "Woah. That's pretty cool. How'd you get away?"

"They're wimps."

"And you're kick-ass. Got it. They know you're a cop, right?"

"Yeah."

"How come you don't do something about it, then?"

"I will. When the end of the school year comes around, Yamashita will regret screwing with me and my friends."

After a short while, Kyouken came out of his office and went to Hiei's desk.

"Jaganshi. You know annual physicals are soon."

"Physicals?"

"Yes. It will require a visit to the dentist, doctor, and psychiatrist."

Hiei glared, taking the folder containing the stack of stapled papers the bastard held out for him.

"I require all these forms back ASAP. In your case, you have a month."

Hiei bristled. "By your phrasing, I assume everyone else has more time?"

"Of course."

The little demon glared, but said nothing. Now he had to find a doctor he could bribe into filling out his forms without doing any tests. He'd be told he had problems with his heart, since it wasn't beating; he'd be told he was a hell of a healthy corpse, and sent on to goverment for DNA tests and anal probings. After all, the government is the one who did the anal probings, not the aliens.

Looking a bit irritated, he stuffed the papers in a drawer and set to thinking.

Meanwhile, back home, Shadow had revealed a whole slew of plots and plans and pranks she'd thought of while having her brains bashed out with a tree branch. They'd selected a few that spelled the most disaster, and were perfecting them without Hiei's help.

* * *

**Bet you weren't expecting that about Ryu, were you? I wasn't either when I wrote it, but it's not damaging the story in any way for him to be bisexual, so if you're gonna complain, I don't want to hear it. I happen to know a bunch of gays/bisexuals and I have absolutely nothing wrong with them.**

I was gonna put another note in here, but I totally forget what it is. Oh yeah! **Thanks for 500 reviews!** That's not the note I was gonna put in here, but I'll put it there anyways. Oh yeah! **And there was foreshadowing in this chapter that I bet NONE of you caught!  
_And_ Kurama and Eclipse kissed!** Granted, it was a strange reason, but if he hadn't, she would have pitched a fit and nobody would have heard the end of it, ever. So yay for that. Yay for updates. Yay for ningen mobs making attempts to take Hiei's life! Yay for ruining lives and tricks and lies and physicals!  
**If I ever start putting Japanese words in these chapters and forget to put notes, just tell me... It isn't odd to me to see Japanese words... But it might be odd to you cuz you don't know them.**

SJ


	20. February 14

**(5-23-05) We're up to 546 reviews!**

**Okay, just to make it clear, I do know how Valentine's Day works in Japan... ****I just totally screw it up to confuse all you people **(actually, I just don't care how it works. I kind of stick to it, and kind of don't, which amused me when I proofed this chapter, cuz it was actually just a mistake on my part and I'm leaving it in there cuz I don't feel like changing it...).

**As for the foreshadowing in the previous chapter...** A lot of you caught some of the foreshadowing, but nobody caught the one tiny itty bitty thing that I knew nobody would catch... You'll find out what it was around chapter 24 or 25... I can't remember which...

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**CHAPTER TWENTY  
**February 14

The first of their pranks was put into action immediately. Starting the following day in school, Eclipse played girlfriend. That way, even if Arisa managed to make Kurama 'hate' Hiei and Shadow, she still had to get past Eclipse, and that wouldn't be easy. That girl didn't respond to taunts, insults, threats, or rumors.

With Kurama guarded against further attacks from the Slut Faction, Shadow, Hiei, and Ryu could put all their energy into ruining Arisa's life and ambitions. On Valentine's Day, Kurama was the subject of many fluttering eyelashes, smiles, waves, and blown kisses. Opening his locker was going to be a chore and he knew it. Every year, he opened his locker and out tumbled 5,000 cards and boxes of candy and cookies and cakes. This year was no different, and Shadow cracked up laughing as the boy lay buried under twice his own weight in candy, cards, and roses.

"Oh my," she finally managed as he dragged himself out from under it all, "but aren't _you_ special."

"Gimme a hand, would you? I've got to get all this crap back in my locker."

"No you don't," Shadow said. "I can put it in my pocket."

"All this?"

"It's the Neverending Pockets of Doom coat, Kurama," Eclipse hissed in his ear. Shadow struck a pose.

"BEHOLD!" she started, getting a dramatic background with lightning bolts and suspenseful music. "I AM THE WEARER OF THE **COAT OF MANY POCKETS**!" There was a huge flash of lightning and the music struck a chord, then it all died down and Shadow stood normally with her hands in her jeans pockets. "Well?"

"Whatever, just help me out."

"Okay!"

Ten minutes later, Kurama had packed what he could into his locker, and the rest was in Shadow's coat, which she stuck in her locker, not failing to notice the small pile of Valentine's gifts in the bottom. It was a bit of a shock to her.

"My locker didn't eat them?" she murmured questioningly, peering at the cards. Anything anonymous would be fed to the weasels back home. They liked chocolate as well as any appreciative humanoid would, and the doom made them immune to any possible toxins that were likely to be in it. "Anonymous... anonymous... Ryu Obake... Toru? Aoitori? Why'd they get me stuff? Oh well." The last one she looked at, she cracked up laughing so hard everyone in the hallway and classrooms in lining that hallway stared.

"Now if this doesn't scream 'poison' I don't know what does," she chuckled in the silent hallway, and headed towards Kurama's locker with the culprit card and candies, oblivious to or ignoring the stares she was getting. She met Kuama halfway--he was already headed towards her locker to find out what was so funny.

"What's so funny?" he asked. Shadow held up the candies and handed him the card. "Read."

Eclipse peered around him and read it out loud. "_'Shadow-san: I'm sorry I've been such an asshole to you the last few years. Please accept my apology and these expensive chocolates. How about we get together sometime and start over? Sincerely... **HIROSHI NAKADA?'**_" Eclipse, too, burst into hysterical laughter. Kurama rolled his eyes and handed the card back to Shadow.

"He's obviously in it with Arisa," Kurama said.

"He's probably her most frequent customer... The idiot wouldn't be able to get any otherwise," Shadow said. "He's too ugly."

Kurama blinked, looking past Shadow. "Speak of the devil." She spun and looked at Nakada as he rounded the corner thugishly.

"Hiroshi!" She hurried over to him happily. "Thanks for the chocolates!"

"Huh? Oh. You're... welcome..." He seemed to be fighting back vomit as he said the next words, "I really want to start over. You want to get coffee sometime or something?"

Shadow's sweet smile turned into a psychotic grin. "Sure!" She punched him in the face, breaking his nose. "MAYBE WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER! Tell Arisa to shove her plots and plans up her fat ass!"

She pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket amidst the cheers from her fans, wiped the blood off her fist, and dropped the cloth over Nakada's face as he lay on the ground, out cold. Nobody turned her into the office, not even the teachers who had witnessed it (Nakada is that big of a thug... How did he get into a school like Mieou, then?) and when Nakada got up, he didn't turn her into the office cuz then he'd look like a pansy tattletale crying to his mommy.

"So, how many times have you beat him up this year, Shadow?" Kurama asked. The girl shrugged.

"Three or four, I think. I can't remember. It'll be up to ten, at least, before the year's over."

"But we've only got three and a half more months of school."

"So? I can beat him up six or seven times in that amount of time. Jeez! If he'd stay conscious long enough, I could beat him up ten times in an hour!"

"True." Kurama smiled at yet another girl as she walked by and waved, saying, "Happy Valentine's Day, Shuuichi!"

"I hate Valentine's Day," he sighed quietly.

"Don't we all... Everything's... Pink. Your uniforms actually fit the day, though. Pink... Red... Y'know."

"It's not pink. It's fuschia."

"What the fuck ever," Shadow snapped, pushing open the door and walking into Black-sensei's classroom.

* * *

In addition to the eyes on Shuuichi all day, everybody was watching Hiei and Shadow's interactions like hawks. The two were careful to act no different than normal whenever anyone else was around. In literature class, which Shadow had decided to go to only on Fridays so she could get make-up work for the week, she reported to the gym dutifully and spent the class sitting in the bleachers watching Hiei make the entire class do suicides to ruin their day, since he's a sadistic bastard like that. :)

The second the class left--and boy were they in a hurry to leave when the bell rang--Shadow jumped off the bleachers and ran to Hiei, throwing her arms around him.

"Guess what?"

"Hm?"

"Happy Valentine's Day! I got candy in my locker from an odd assortment of people."

"Really?"

"Yeah! Nakada! Did you notice his absence?"

"Yeah... I was rather disappointed. I wanted to bitch at him."

"Well, I broke his nose again."

Hiei's eyes widened. "What for?"

"He's with Arisa and he left candy and a card in my locker saying he wanted to make it up to me after being an asshole. I told him we could go out for coffee when Hell freezes over, then I broke his nose."

"Way to go!"

"I know. It's wonderful."

"I have something for you too, but you'll get it at home," Hiei whispered. Shadow smiled.

"What is it?"

"You'll see."

She pouted. "You suck."

"No, Shadow."

"Oh yeah. That's my job. I'm sorry." She leaned in and caught his smiling lips with hers. Two seconds later and the gym door started opening. Hiei pulled away and jumped straight up, landing on a pipe. Shadow had regained her composure in half a second, and managed to act like she had been wandering around looking for Hiei as Yamashita entered the gym.

"Jaganshi!"

She spun, looking at him innocently.

"Where the hell are you supposed to be?"

"Um..." She thought for a minute. "Detention?"

"Idiot. Why are you here?"

"Hey! You can't call me an idiot, that could damage my self-esteem! As a teacher, it's your responsibility to--"

"DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT RESPONSIBILITY, GIRL!"

Shadow frowned, but Hiei saved her from retorting and getting really bad detention.

"Yamashita," he said flatly, walking in through the still-open gym door. The principal turned and glared.

"Where the hell were you?"

"Teacher's lounge. Am I not allowed to go there?"

"Why is this girl in the gym?"

Hiei shrugged. "Maybe she got lost. Were you lost, Shadow?"

"Absolutely, completely, and totally. Where the hell am I? What is this place? Am I dead? Is this Heaven? I'm not a Christian, why would I be here? Is there sake? Can I have sake?"

"You're in the gym, it's the gym, you're alive, it's not heaven, you're not here, there isn't sake, and you can't have any," Hiei answered, pulling a small flask out of his pocket and taking a drink. Yamashita's face turned purple.

"ARE YOU DRINKING ON THE JOB?"

"Yeah. It's..." Hiei sniffed it, "It's water."

The man turned blue. "Give it to me."

"It's water, you moron!"

Shadow smiled sweetly, clapping her hands together. "I've suddenly regained my memory! I'm supposed to be in the cafeteria! Come, Hiei!" She darted past Yamashita, grabbed Hiei, and ran out of the gym.

They went to the roof and continued where they'd left off.

_**

* * *

**_

A few hours later, Shadow, Kurama, and Eclipse entered Etsuko-sensei's classroom to find it decked out in pink and hearts and flowers. Shadow groaned. She was tired of everybody getting into the "pink and happy" spirit. All she wanted was to go home and spend _quality time_ with Hiei.

Etsuko-sensei herself was wearing a pink dress with white hearts on it, which Shadow nearly gagged to death upon seeing.

"Good afternoon, class! Everybody's thinking about love today, and that's understandable! But you want to go about your love in the proper way! Sex is blah blah blah blah blah..." Shadow heard. She blocked out all the words and sighed, staring at the clock, willing the seconds to go faster. Of course, having control over doom and fire did not entitle her to time warps (unless it was a doomiful time warp). To pass time, she pulled out her health book and started flipping through it. Towards the back, she found some pictures she really would have liked not to see.

Male reproductive organs.

She let out a gagged scream, slammed the book shut, and ran out of the room, managing to suppress the shriek of horror until she was in the hallway, where it could echo loudly and disturb many, many classes instead of just her own.

She flung open the gym doors and ran straight towards Hiei. Throwing herself into the air to tackle him, he sidestepped and she slammed into the floor on her stomach, letting out a surprised "OOF!"

When she didn't move, Hiei looked down at her curiously and poked her with his boot. She rolled over limply and twitched once. Her eyes were rolled back in her head and her tongue was hanging out.

"What did you do to her, sensei!" a startled boy asked.

"I think she's dead," Hiei said, shrugging it off. "Keep running."

"Dead! But--"

"RUN!"

"Yessir!" the kid squeaked. He kept running, and Hiei bent over her and poked her stomach. No reaction.

"I'm not doing CPR on you unless you really need it, Shadow," he stated.

"I do," she groaned. "I saw naked men in the health book."

The fire demon's eyes widened slightly. "And that's your first experience with that?"

"Well, not... really... but... They were... and there were cross-sections and all kinds of sick shit!"

"Get up off the floor. It's dirty. I ran some kid to death earlier and he puked not too far from where you're laying."

Shadow screamed and jumped up, clinging to the wall like a fly. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME EARLIER?"

"You were dead earlier."

"Asshole."

Hiei shrugged. "Yeah. So, anymore Valentine's Day shit I should know about?"

Shadow shrugged, dropping off the wall to stand next to him. "Kurama and Eclipse have been holding hands a lot, at my insistance... Arisa has been shooting us dirty looks... I can't wait until next month so we can leave her anonymous poisoned chocolates."

"Not poisoned," Hiei said. "Drugged."

"Whatever. Shut up. It'll be fun no matter what... I have no classes with her, so I'll have to set up cameras by all the bathroom doors." She snickered. "This'll be great... Nothing brings me greater joy than totally ruining somebody's life and making them a miserable heap of useless shit with no purpose in existing, and eventually hearing about their suicide on the news."

"You're sick."

"Yeah, and your point is...?"

Hiei shrugged again, then paused. "_Nothing_ brings you greater joy?"

A short pause. "Oh, shut up. You know what I mean."

"Do I?"

"You _should_..." With a sigh, she said, "Nothing but _you_ brings me greater joy than fucking up someone's life and making them suicidal."

"Thank you."

"Surely you don't really need reassurance of that. Is your self-esteem really _that_ low?"

"Of course not. I just like hearing you say it." He glanced past her to his class. "Don't think just because I'm not paying attention that you can slow down! Pick up the pace!"

They, too, were running suicides. The nurse's office had been overrun with lightheaded people today, some of which vomitted or even blacked out, and one had to be rushed to the hospital. Hiei didn't particularly care; it had been an idiot who'd nearly died, not somebody halfway worthy of the slightest bit of his respect.

Shadow looked at them and sighed. "Hiei-koi, am I gonna have to run suicides too?"

"Yes."

She frowned. "I like the way you're so nice about it. What about Kurama and Eclipse?"

"Of course. And I expect you to show everyone up."

"Naturally."

"You wanna start now?"

"What, running? I'll be running for the next hour and a half!"

"No... I'm only requiring twenty, or until I feel satisfied that they'll die if they do anymore."

"_Only_ twenty. What does that average out to in miles?"

"Peh! I don't know! Do you think I care?"

"Good point. But you know I can beat the crap out of Eclipse and get the crap beat out of me and drown and all that for half a day and I'll still have stamina left."

Hiei grinned. "That's good."

Shadow cocked her head, narrowing her eyes a bit. "What's that grin for?"

"What grin?"

"_That_ grin."

"I'm not grinning."

"You're being a pervert, aren't you?"

"Not at all."

"Yes you are. You pervert!"

"Oh, come on. You're worse than me."

Shadow paused, then smiled, "Yes, I am, aren't I? Far worse. I'm such an obscene person."

Hiei nodded. "That's only good part of the time."

"So what am I getting when I get home?"

Hiei bit his lip. "I almost said something that would certainly cause rumors if anyone heard it."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What?"

"Nothing!"

"What!"

"Go away!"

"But Hiei!"

"It doesn't matter."

"So what am I getting?"

"A boot to the head if you don't shut up."

Shadow pouted. "Hell of a way to treat your girlfriend."

"You'd survive it."

"I dunno," she said sarcastically, "I am a frail delicate girl after all..."

"You? Delicate? Ha!"

"Hey! I can be if I want!"

"You can't be delicate. You could get hit by a bus at the top of a mountain, fall all the way down and get crushed at the bottom by the bus, then blown up by a passing atom bomb, and you'd still live."

"Yeah. Point is?"

Hiei sighed. "Never mind, Shadow. Just go sit somewhere and wait."

"You're casting me off?"

"N--"

"YOU'RE THROWING ME AWAY?"

"Sha--"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HATE ME SO MUCH!"

The entire class was now staring.

"I can't believe you'd just lead me on and then just toss me away like a used... candywrapper! After all I've done for you! You just discard me like I'm nothing to you! And on VALENTINE'S DAY of all fuckin' days! You selfish asshole! I bet it's just so you don't have to get me chocolate! You cheap son of a--"

Hiei clamped his hand over her mouth and hissed, "You idiot, shut up."

"WHY SHOULD I!"

"YOU'RE ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT!"

"I HAVE EVERY RIGHT! APOLOGIZE!"

"What the hell for! You're the one being stupid!"

"JUST APOLOGIZE AND WE CAN FORGET THIS HAPPENED!"

"You will even if I don't..." Hiei muttered, but he kissed her and bowed slightly. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you!" She turned to the class. "**OKAY YOU ASSHOLES, SHOW'S OVER! RUN YOUR FUCKIN' SUICIDES OR YOU ALL GET DETENTION FOR A MONTH! WITH _ME!_**"

"Yeah! What she said!" Hiei reinforced intelligently. Everybody scrambled back into action and he turned to Shadow. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"Do what?"

Hiei closed his eyes and it was obvious on his face that he was restraining the equivalent to an atomic explosion. "Never mind," he finally managed.

"Lover's quarrel?" Eclipse asked, appearing right next to them out of nowhere. Shadow screeched and Hiei blew up on her.

"**GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE GYMNASIUM!**"

Eclipse was blown out into the hallway by the force of his voice, as were most of the students--everyone but Shadow, who had plugged her ears and gotten behind Hiei before he yelled. While everyone was recovering from his explosion (including Hiei himself, who realized he'd gone half deaf), Shadow spun him around and kissed him, breaking away after a second and bowing repeatedly.

"I'm so, so very sorry for pissing you off, Great Lord Hiei. Forgive me?"

Hiei looked at her levelly and she got pleading eyes.

"Please?"

No reaction. She threw herself to her knees, sobbing. "I'M SOOOOO SORRY! PLEASE, PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! I'LL LIVE IN YOUR GARBAGE CAN!"

Hiei grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet, muttering, "You do that anyway."

"I do?" she asked curiously.

"I don't know what else you'd call it. And if you don't now, you will eventually."

"Yes, of course. So I'm forgiven?'

"Sure, why the hell not."

"Thank you!" She hugged him just as the bell rang. People went into a mad scramble to change back into their class uniforms before leaving the gym, and Hiei found himself signing several dozen late passes and dragging Eclipse's immobilized, deaf, twitching body into the gym and hiding it behind the bleachers.

Kurama walked in with Ryu and glanced around. Shadow and Hiei were no where to be seen, so he hurriedly went into the locker room... and found them very easily. The blinds on Hiei's office windows were down. He nearly tore the door off its hinges to make sure they weren't being inappropriate.

"Hey lovebirds!" he snapped. They continued kissing until he physically tore them apart, and then they were both extremely pissed. Well, no, Shadow was grinning like a moron and Hiei looked kind of indifferent, so, if that's pissed, I'd hate to see what happy is. "Where's Eclipse?"

"Eclipse?" Shadow looked thoughtful for a moment. "Who's that? The name doesn't ring a bell."

"Oh, don't be stupid. You know who she is, and you know where she is, and I want to know. You didn't kill her for interrupting, did you?"

"No, we raped her and tied her up behind a dumpster someplace," Shadow said. "Wait. Who is it? I don't know who she is, so how could I have raped her? HIEI! YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME?"

Hiei just sighed. "You're not going to piss me off again, are you?"

"No. I'm sorry dear," she said meekly.

"Check the bleachers," Hiei advised Kurama. The boy looked at him suspiciously before turning to leave. The couple waited for a minute before there was a startled yelp and an angry yell from the gym.

"HIEI!"

Shadow grinned. "You were discovered."

"No, Eclipse was discovered. He's just yelling my name for the hell of it," Hiei said, shrugging. "I had nothing to do with it."

"Oh yeah. Yeah, that's right. Well, we'd better go out there and tell him that." She took his hand and led the way out of the office, waving to all the guys in their underwear before Hiei pushed her out of sight with an annoyed sigh.

"Hiei!" Kurama met him halfway to the door. "Why was Eclipse lying dead behind the bleachers?"

"Dead? I don't know. Maybe she felt like being there."

"Hiei..."

"What? I had nothing to do with it. Ask Shadow."

"He didn't," she assured the redhead. "He was too busy getting a proper apology out of me."

"Oh, is that what you two were doing?"

"I was apologizing, yes," Shadow said. "Now, what is this about Eclipse being dead?"

"She's dead."

"So bury her, moron."

Kurama frowned.

"What are you frowning for? Isn't that what you do with dead people?"

"She's not _really_ dead."

"She will be when she's through with gym class," Hiei said. "Twenty suicides. Now. Go."

"I need to change, you vertically-challenged imbecile!" Kurama snapped. Hiei blinked, surprised.

"Well that was unexpected."

"Shut up! Move."

"What about Eclipse?"

"She's fine."

"But she was dead a moment ago," Shadow reminded.

"She was revived."

"By a kiss from her prince charming?"

"Get out of here," Kurama said, opening the door and flinging her out into the main gym.

"HAPPY VALEN-FUCKIN'-TINE'S DAY TO YOU TOO, YOU ASSHOLE!" she shouted, slamming into the floor and rolling with a frown and glaring expression on her face. She ran into Eclipse, who fell on top of her like a drunk. Shadow screamed in horror and was hanging from the ceiling in seconds.

"RUN YOUR SUICIDES!" she screamed. "AND THEN COMMIT IT!"

"Commit what? Treason? Murder? Rape? Theivery? Arsin?"

Shadow started flinging pieces of ceiling tile at her. "GO SCREW KURAMA!"

"EW! No!"

"What's 'ew' about it?" She dropped to the floor. "If it weren't for Hiei, I'd be with Kurama, leaving you... all alone."

"Wha..?"

"Because if it weren't for Hiei, Youko would have screwed me a long time ago, stealing my virginity at the age of fifteen, and I wouldn't have minded because he's fuckin' sexy and Hiei wasn't around."

Hiei heard this and stared with a blank expression until Shadow noticed him and flew across the gym to him.

"But you're around and Youko didn't screw me and I'm a lot happier and I swear to god I have no attraction towards Kurama and I would never, ever, ever even _imagine_ having sex with him or seeing him naked or anything like that ever in my life I swear to **_GOD_**! Please forgive me I'm so sorry Lord and Master Hiei-sama of the World of the Wonderful Sexy--"

"Shadow," Hiei said, prying her hands off his shirt, "you can calm down."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"You forgive me?"

"For what?"

"For thinking Kurama and Youko are fuckin' hot."

"I'd be surprised if you didn't."

"Do you think they are?"

Hiei glared. She grovelled again.

"I'm sorry!"

"Go run."

"Yes sir."

One minute later, she was changed into the gym uniform and running suicides faster than anyone else, until Hiei tripped her and reprimanded her for being too much of a show off and she matched pace with Kurama. Hiei tripped her again a few minutes later and told her she was going too slow. She snarled at him and he continued, reprimanding her for acting inhuman.

"But pretty-boy's running them like that! I'm just matching him!"

"But you've already run more than him."

"So what?"

"So you're gonna stand out."

"I already do."

"People will think you're an inhuman freak and send you to the government for them to discover you're an inhuman freak and send you to the moon in a cardboard box, where you would live the rest of your existence in solitude."

"Oh well."

"Just run, you moron."

"How should I run?"

"Like Kurama. He's caught up to you now."

"Okay. Fine. I'll run."

"And just for being a pain in the ass, you're running until the bell."

"You!"

He grinned. "Run. Now."

"Kiss my ass."

"He'd like to!" Eclipse said as she ran by. On her next pass, Shadow tripped her, kicked her in the leg, and untied her shoe.

Shadow slept all through detention with her eyes open and her hand moving as if it were writing, but her pen had no ink so it made no words. She later discovered that, had it had ink, she would have written the recipe for the Philosopher's Stone, and a creepy sutra to ward off flying green monkies.

_**

* * *

**_

Arriving home at her accustomed time, by her accustomed transportation, she went inside via the back door. She was excited about finding out what Hiei was going to give her. She wasn't really expecting much, but she was wrong to underestimate him.

He was lying on the couch with a black muscle shirt on and form-fitting black jeans, and though he appeared to be asleep, Shadow had a feeling he wasn't.

"Hiei?" she questioned quietly.

"Hey, koishii," he said. She walked over and sat next to him, and he sat up and kissed her passionately, leaving her breathless and a bit disconcerted when his lips left hers.

Obviously, Valentine's Day is not a demon custom, and this was the first time Hiei had celebrated it, but he knew the point was to make Shadow feel extremely special and loved, and he knew how to do that (No, not sex... though that would certainly prove the point just as well).

"I made you dinner," he said.

"You did what?"

"C'mon." He took her hand and led her to the dining room, where an elaborate meal was laid out.

"You did this?"

"Yep."

"Where the hell did _you_ learn to cook?"

Hiei shrugged. "Kitchen."

"Hmph. The food's there, but if it's any good is the question."

It _was_ good, surprisingly, and Shadow finished her meal and gazed at him in awe.

"Where the hell _did_ you learn to cook?" she asked again, with more appreciation and less sarcasm than the first time. He just shrugged.

"I've been around for a while. You done?"

"Yeah."

"C'mon, then."

"There's more?"

"Of course." He scooped her into his arms and carried her upstairs, taking her to their bedroom. He sat on the bed and held her against his chest, kissing her neck.

"What are you gonna do?" she asked.

"You'll see. Don't worry, I don't plan on ending this in sex."

"Oh. Well that rules out one of my suspicions."

"Just relax."

"Okay..." He continued kissing her neck while his hands gently massaged her back. It didn't take long for her to be totally relaxed; putty in his hands.

"I love you," he whispered. A hum answered him. He kissed her neck, then turned her head and gave her another passionate, disconcerting kiss, then laid down next to her and slipped off his shirt. "Want anything else while I'm at it?"

"I'd like to make mad passionate love to you," she said breathlessly, "but with my luck I'll end up pregnant."

Hiei chuckled and pulled her close. "Nah. Not tonight."

"Asshole," she mumbled tiredly.

"Shh. Sleep."

But she already was.

_**

* * *

**_

Hiei called in sick to work that night and hung up on Kyouken's bitching after three words, assuming he'd got the message. He returned to his girlfriend and found her awake.

"You're awake," he stated astutely.

"Kiss me again."

Hiei smiled. "If you insist."

Ten minutes later, Shadow was rather startled to find herself shirtless and shaking in Hiei's arms, her face buried against his chest.

"Let's not do that again anytime soon," he panted, "unless you want fucked."

"But I do," she mumbled, also panting.

"No you don't. Not now."

"Why not?"

"You're shaking. No matter what you say, you're not ready."

"That was wonderful, though."

"Mm-hm. Go to sleep or I won't be able to restrain myself."

"Kurama was right. You do have a breaking point."

"Yeah, isn't he always?" Hiei muttered, momentarily annoyed. "And it's only February."

"Are you gonna go jack off in the bathroom?"

"Shadow!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sleeping."

"Sounds like it."

She curled closer to him and kissed his chest. "I love you so, so much."

"I love you too."

_**

* * *

**_

Days passed. The world turned, the sun shined, birds singed, fish swimmed, and rivers continued to forever run through beautiful scenery like ribbons--but only in fantasy novels.

Kurama had noticed something odd about the way Hiei and Shadow were acting around each other the day after Valentine's Day. They were acting almost... skittish. However, only a trained eye would notice such a thing, and he didn't mention it to them.

About a week after Valentine's Day, Shadow made her next move against Arisa. The slut hadn't been harassing her lately, since she'd heard about Nakada's broken nose, but that was no reason for Shadow to behave herself. The Golden Rule of Shadow, after all, stated that people should treat her how they wished to be treated, but she could treat THEM however the hell she wanted to. In other words, being nice to Shadow doesn't guarantee she'll be nice to you. In fact, it almost guarantees she won't.

This next move was downright evil, but Shadow was proud of thinking it up all on her own. Given Arisa's choice of night activities, Shadow naturally assumed she had some sort of birth control pills or something. It was just a matter of finding them and replacing them while Arisa was distracted, which was no problem for our crafty lunatic.

"Well?" Ryu prompted when the girl walked into the house. Shadow held up the little bottle and grinned.

"She's gonna be taking sugar pills and she won't even know it."

Kurama frowned. "That's really rotten, Shadow..."

"What? If she wants to go screw every guy in that half of the city, she deserves it. She deserves it more for pissing me off, though."

"You might as well keep those," Eclipse said, pointing to the pills. "You might need them, Shadow."

Eclipse found a vase of flowers crammed down her throat. Shadow flung the pills out the door and they broke the window of a passing car.

"Now it's just a matter of time... Then we can go put Ex-Lax in her chocolates..." Shadow rubbed her hands together, grinning psychotically. "I hope she gets pregnant _AND_ gets an STD."

"You're truly evil," Hiei said.

"This is actually the first time I've ever been evil quite to this extent, but this is high school. Everybody's evil in high school."

"Until you came along," Kurama sighed, "that didn't hold true for my school."

It wasn't until Hiei went to work that night that he remembered he had another problem: Kyouken was still bitching about him getting a physical. Since the following day was Saturday, Hiei began planning for his trip to Reikai. He'd have to bitch at Koenma a lot in order to get him to screw around with Ningenkai files _again_. Then the stupid kid would probably want something in return... Damnable toddler. It seemed to Hiei that everyone who had any authority over him was an idiot, an embarrassment, or, in Shadow's case, both of those, _and_ a girl. Oddly, though, she was the only one with authority over him that he didn't mind obeying most of the time.

* * *

Does anyone remember when Coach Carter came out? Cuz I know I wrote this chapter around then...

Anyways, yes, what I was saying about screwing up Valentine's Day... Custom in Japan is that on Feb. 14, the girl gives the guy something. On March 14 (my birthday!), if a guy got something from a girl, he's expected to give something to that girl. Or at least, that's how I understand it. I screwed this up because: 1) Shadow had things in her locker from guys, and 2) cuz Hiei... But that's fine. Because this is my story, my universe, and I never adhered to common normal rules before, so why should I now?

**Review! 600 is just over the horizon!  
-SJ**


	21. Physically Mental With A Nasty Computer ...

**(6-1-05) We finally hit 600 reviews officially a couple days ago... I would have had this chapter posted yesterday but lo and behold, the site wouldn't let me log in, the bastard. So you get the chapter today.**

**AlchemistKosane-** I must not have a "real happin' love life" huh? I can have a love life and write stories at the same time... I hope you were being sarcastic, cuz I take offense at you making judgements about my personal life. I'm being partly sarcastic myself, cuz I actually think it's kinda funny, but that still wasn't very nice unless you were joking. You're gonna make me cry. I'm a very sensitive person. I don't even know how to spell the word, but that's what I am. Sensetive. Sensitive? Who cares.

**Thank you for helping me reach 600! Next step: 1,000!  
**The chapter title may not make sense right now, but read the chapter and surely it'll make more sense... I just kinda pulled things from the chapter and made a doctor's diagnosis out of it.

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE  
**Physically Mental, With ANasty Computer Virus

Sometime around midday on Saturday, Hiei got up and grabbed his clothes (according to Shadow, he'd been wearing less and less clothes to bed as the weeks went on. Before she knew it, she said, he'd be sleeping nude. He assured her he would never do that, and that he'd been wearing the same amount of clothes lately as he had any other time, but she didn't believe him). Shadow was awake when he returned to the room after taking a shower, and he sat down on the bed next to her. After all, no matter how important his errand was, it could wait until he'd spent a bit of time with Shadow.

"Sleep well?" she asked.

"Well enough."

"Going somewhere?"

"Reikai. We went over this when I got home this morning."

"Did we?"

He nodded. "Yes, Shadow."

"I was probably too distracted with your sexiness to pay attention."

"You were pretty damn distracted, but you heard everything I said."

"Can I come with you?"

"I don't care."

"Excellent," she said.

"Get dressed."

"I am dressed."

"Yeah, right. You're gonna go to Reikai in your pajamas?"

Shadow sighed. "Fine, Mr. Bossy." She grabbed some clothes from various places around the room and came back a few minutes later in jeans and a t-shirt several sizes too big that kept slipping off her shoulder and revealing her bra strap and a little too much of her skin to insure safety around anybody with sex on his mind.

"Let's go," Hiei said.

"Not eating breakfast?" she asked. "Breakfast is the most essential meal."

"It's almost one o'clock."

"So?"

"I can do without."

"You'll be hungry."

"So?"

"Who knows how long that little twit will make us wait. We could be there until six."

Hiei rolled his eyes and got up. "If you're going to make breakfast, do it. I'll eat it, okay?"

"Great!" She ran from the room. Hiei sighed. He didn't know how, but something told him one day that girl would be his downfall. However, he didn't care. He loved her, after all.

**

* * *

Koenma was at his usual task of stamping papers when an ogre came running into his office.**

"I asked you not to disturb me unless it was a life or death situation!" he snapped at the oni. It cowered but managed to say, "Well, it is, sir."

"Whose life or death?"

"Yours, sir. You have a visitor."

"Mine? Who the hell is it?"

"It's... _Shadow_."

Koenma yelped. "What? What does she want? I'm not here! Tell her I'm not here!"

"I did! She threatened to kill me!"

"So it's really _your_ life or death, not mine! Why did you disturb me for something so trivial?"

"Now what kind of way is that to talk to your loyal servants?" Hiei asked from the doorway.

"Hiei?" Koenma looked relieved, but peered around nervously. "Where is she?"

"Who?"

"Your... girlfriend."

Hiei blinked and glanced around. "You know, I'm not real sure..."

Koenma poofed into his teenage form and climbed off his desk. "Well... How can I help you, Hiei?"

"I need you to screw with Ningenkai files again."

"Hiei... I can only do that so many times without it being suspicious."

"Uh-huh. Well do it agian. After my one-year contract with Kyouken runs out, I'm going back to Makai and you won't have to worry about it."

"You are?"

"Yeah."

"I still can't do anything more with Ningenkai files. Why don't you stage your own death now and return to Makai this instant?"

Hiei bristled. "Stage my own death? Then I'd never be able to go back to Ningenkai! You're retarded. Just change the files! It's not that hard! You just need to fill out these papers and do something so it looks like a real doctor signed them, then do whatever the hell needs done with computers so it looks like I really had a physical done."

Koenma tilted his head. "A physical?"

"Kyouken's requiring it," Hiei said, finally leaving the doorway to approach Koenma. He held out the forms he was to have filled out. "I need these filled out and signed by a doctor."

Koenma leafed through them. "Jeez... Extensive drug tests. Why does he need so many drug tests?"

"He thinks everybody does drugs... He blames everything on drugs... He has to double check all tests twice, so really he puts us through the same drug tests three times."

"Paranoid, isn't he? Well, I suppose one of the Reikai doctors could examine you..."

"What? You're actually going to make me go through a physical?"

"It's not going to hurt you any. Besides, it won't hurt me to know your physical condition either."

"My physical condition is fine, you moron! You don't put Yusuke or Kuwabara or Kurama through physicals, do you?"

"Well, Hiei, look at it this way: I've made it possible for you to lead a life in Ningenkai with your precious stupid Shadow, and what have you done for me in return?"

"Damnit, I knew you'd want something in return. What do you want?"

"You could be my lackey for a week. George went on vacation again."

Hiei growled. "I'm going to kill you."

"I told you it was a life or death situation, sir!" the ogre, who was still standing by Koenma's desk, said.

"Shut up, ogre!"

"I'm not going to be your lackey," Hiei said.

"Well what will happen if you don't get your physical? What would have happened if I hadn't put you in Ningenkai's database? What would have happened if I hadn't--"

"Okay, okay, I get the idea!"

"What would have happened all those years ago when you were beat by Yusuke and got put in prison, what would have happened if I hadn't let you out?"

"I'd still be in there, obviously, with no friends, no mate, no life. Okay. So I owe you for everything I have. You know I already have two jobs and I'm only free from four in the afternoon until ten at night."

"It's only for a week. You're free all day tomorrow."

Hiei sighed. "Whatever sick, twisted being is in charge of my fate must really hate me... Would you just fill out the forms?"

"Know where the infirmary is?"

"Yes," Hiei sighed, taking back the forms from Koenma. "I'll go, and I'll get a freakin' physical from your freakin' weirdo doctors, but if they feel me up or something--"

"My doctors aren't going to feel you up, you idiot!"

"Yeah, whatever," the little demon muttered, rolling the forms up and stuffing them in his back pocket as he stalked out of the room. Koenma sighed and went back to his desk, reverting to his child form and sitting in his chair, beginning to look around for his stamp.

"Where'd my stamp go? Ogre, what did you do with my stamp!"

"I didn't do anything with it, sir!"

Koenma started pulling drawers out of his desk, frustrated. When he got to the last one, it was stuck.

"OGRE!"

"Yes, Koenma sir?"

"OPEN THIS DRAWER!"

The ogre went to the drawer and pulled with all his might, but it didn't budge. Finally, annoyed, Koenma pushed him aside and tried again himself. The drawer flew open and, like a jack-in-the-box, Shadow came flying out screaming.

"I'M A MAGICAL AND RARE 'GIRL-IN-THE-DRAWER!' I WILL GRANT YOU THREE WISHES ON ONE CONDITION! YOU MUST WORSHIP ME AND HIEI FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!"

Koenma screamed like a girl. It was a minute before he managed to form words, and in that minute, Shadow bobbed and swayed around like a jack-in-the-box, or a drunk.

"**SHADOW JAGANSHI, YOU SICK LITTLE PYSCHO! GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!**"

Shadow snickered and jumped up on his desk. "Here's your stamp, Koenma-sama!" she chirped, tossing his rubber stamp back at him. It hit him in the head and she jumped off the desk, jogging to the door where Hiei was waiting for her, grinning. He kissed her cheek when she reached him while Koenma stood there fuming and looking indignant.

"C'mon, you heard him," Hiei said, taking her hand and leading her out of the office.

"So you're actually gonna do it?"

"What, the physical? I don't really have much choice, do I?"

"Well, I guess not. What about being his lackey?"

Hiei shrugged. "I really hope not, but if it's only for a week..."

"And what was that you said about going back to Makai?"

Hiei shrugged. "Nothing."

"Do you really want to?"

"I dunno. Not if you won't come with me."

Shadow didn't say anything. Hiei didn't press her about it and they continued on to the infirmary in silence.

Entering the fairly quiet and empty infirmary, Hiei glanced around, then lifted an eyebrow and headed pointedly towards a certain man. The guy was bent over some tubes of liquid, wearing a white coat and safety goggles. He straightened up to look at the measurement marks on the tube, and noticed a dark figure standing next to him.

"SWEET JESUS!" the guy yelped, dropping his test tubes. Hiei caught them both without spilling a drop.

"Be a little more careful, moron," he snapped. "What is this? Poison?"

The man popped caps on the tubes and grabbed them out of Hiei's hands. "Urine samples."

Hiei gagged and looked at his hands in disgust, then looked suspiciously at the tubes in the man's breast pocket. "Urine isn't blue."

The man shrugged. "Shows how much you know." He looked at Shadow as if noticing her for the first time. "Who's this?"

"This is Shadow."

"What's she, your sister?"

"His _girlfriend_," Shadow corrected defensively, a bit irritated. The guy laughed, holding up his hands.

"Okay, okay! Jeesh... So you finally snagged yourself a girl, Hiei?"

"Yeah, and she's quite a catch."

Shadow tilted her head a bit, knitting her brow in confusion. Hiei was acting... _chummy_... Which was odd, since, though he had friends and acted friendly towards them, he never acted... chummy.

"Looks like it," the stranger said, a sarcastic edge to his voice as he took in Shadow's confused expression. "What's with that look?"

"She doesn't know you. What do you expect her to do, jump into your arms and kiss you?"

The guy didn't say anything, and Hiei paused, then shook his head. "Bad example." The guy chuckled.

"Yeah." He held out his hand to Shadow. "Come here, I don't bite." Hiei shot him a 'Yeah right!' look and he revised it, "Well, I won't bite _you_. Not with Hiei around."

Shadow slowly approached the guy with Hiei's permission, and he took her hand and pulled her closer.

"Your name is Shadow, right?"

"Yeah."

"I'm Katokage," he said, shaking her hand. "It means fire lizard, I suppose, but you can call me Kage for short. That means that my nickname means your name. How odd. Anyway I'm an old friend of Hiei's. Partner in crime, drinking, and-- er, well, not bed, I never slept with him..."

Shadow jerked her hand away from Kage like he'd just told her he didn't use toilet paper to wipe.

"Oh, you both might want to wash your hands now. These urine samples were being tested for diseases... Both were positive, so, get to washing." He pointed to the nearest sink, where Shadow and Hiei quickly went and washed their hands, and he did as well.

"How did you know it was me, anyways?" Kage asked, looking questioningly at Hiei. "Last time you saw me, I was being hauled off to Reikai prison cuz you ditched me when I was hurt."

Hiei shrugged. "I just could."

"What the hell are you doing in Reikai with a half-breed, anyways? You get caught too? Or did you just revert to their side?"

"'Their side'? You're working in Reikai, in Koenma's castle_ infirmary_ of all places, and you're referring to it as 'their side?'"

Shadow coughed. "Aren't you here for a reason, Hiei?"

"Oh. Yeah. Get me a real doctor, Tokage."

"What? I resent that! I'm a real doctor and you know it!"

"Yeah, but you're not trustworthy. Get me somebody else."

Kage rolled his eyes. "Yes, Your High Royal Crabbiness."

In the course of the physical, Hiei ended up removing everything but his underwear. Shadow had quickly vacated the room when the 'Real Doctor' had told Hiei to take off his pants. (wouldn't you like to see THAT...)

"What's that? She never seen you naked before?" Kage asked.

"We're not to that point yet."

"What, you just meet?"

"No."

"Well then _why haven't you screwed her?_"

Hiei rolled his eyes as the doctor looked at him. "There'll be plenty of time for that, moron. I've made a fuckin' ningen out of myself. She's too young."

Kage rolled his eyes at Hiei. "You're a fuckin' imbecile, Hiei. I should gouge out your eye."

"Which one? I've got three."

"The _important one_!" Kage snapped.

"They're _all_--"

"The _JAGAN_, you retarded asshole!"

"Shh!" the 'Real Doctor' snapped. He was trying to listen to Hiei's heartbeat. "Young man, you don't have a heartbeat. You must be dead."

"Told you he was a bit crazy," Kage muttered.

"I wouldn't be out of place if I was, would I?" Hiei pointed out to the Real Doctor. "But I'm not. I'm a demon."

"Oh, yes! You're the demon I'm supposed to be examining for STDs, aren't you? Very well, bend over!"

Hiei squeaked. "No! Kage, get him away!"

"Alright, old man! Move aside and watch the young knowledgeable guy do it!" Katokage said, grabbing the stethoscope from around the Real Doctor's neck. He placed it on Hiei's chest and started talking faster than normal, barely giving Hiei time to respond and barely giving himself time to breathe. He continued talking like this for the entire examination.

"Heartbeat is excellent, reflexes are excellent, muscle structure is extraordinary, lungs are healthy, eyesight is top notch, endurance is great... Open your mouth... Teeth are in fine condition, considering the variables... Stick out your tongue... Tongue is fine... Gums..."

"Ow!" Hiei yelped, snapping his mouth shut. "Where the hell do you get off stabbing me?"

"I didn't. Open your mouth."

"No!"

Kage pried open Hiei's mouth and shined a light inside. "Good, good... All good..." He examined Hiei's lips. "Your lips are very nice, Hiei. Not chapped or anything. Courtesy of your girlfriend?"

"Yeah, whatever," the little demon replied. Kage nodded.

"Tell me if you can hear this." He dropped a pin. Hiei nodded. "Excellent. Hearing is... Hell, I'm running out of adjectives... Hearing is marvelous. That's a good one." He snatched Hiei's hand and looked at his fingernails. "Beautiful nails... No, not really... Do you bite these? You should stop that."

"I don't!"

Kage dropped his hand and started examining his hair. "You don't have lice or anything, do you?"

"No!"

"Dandruff?"

"No."

"Dry scalp?"

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Do you?"

"I don't think so."

"Okay. What about split ends? You've got to have split ends with hair like that."

"If I do, I don't care."

"Do you cut your own hair, Hiei?"

"What?"

"I was just wondering. Have you ever cut your hair? If you just let it keep growing, do you reckon it'll grow all long like mine?"

"Sure, man. Whatever," Hiei sighed.

"Let's see, your skin is nice, if a little pale, but nice... Soft and smooth like a baby's."

"Stop it! Freak! Get your hands off me!"

"Sorry." Kage pulled out a needle from somewhere in his coat and stuck it in Hiei's arm, drawing a tube full of blood.

"Ow!"

"Stop complaining." He pulled the needle out of Hiei's arm and took the tube off, shook it, and held it up to the light. "You're not a shapeshifter, that's good."

"What?"

"Well if you were, your blood wouldn't be able to hold the illusion once it was separate."

"Maybe my blood is really mine and the rest of me is an illusion."

"Shut up. I'm saving myself and yourself some trouble here. If I don't test this, we can just say you don't have AIDS and you probably do."

"Do I? I don't want Shadow to get it if I do."

"Did you know homosexual males are at a higher risk of getting STDs than anyone else?"

"No, I didn't know that," Hiei siad dryly. "I'll humor you: How come?"

"Beats the hell out of me, but they are."

"Well I don't have to worry about that."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"You were pretty friendly with that one guy at that bar that one time..."

"You asshole, you're never gonna let me live that down, are you? How many times have I told you: I was drunk, and you chased him off before he could do anything to me anyways."

"Good thing, too. Turns out he had a fatal STD and died that very same night, blood splattered everywhere and his guts exploded through the air..."

"You're a healer, you're not supposed to kill."

"I told you, it was an STD. You never did thank me for that."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now... How is your sex life?"

"What?"

"Well, I'm supposed to be giving you a physical, that requires me to understand your mind, too."

"It does not, you idiot! It's a _physical_ and _physicals_ deal with the _body_ and have nothing to do with the _mind_."

"You could have a perfectly healthy man, strongest man alive, and he'd be a total nutcase and thus he'd be pretty damn unhealthy. How is your sex life? Do you still suppress emotions? Emotional stress can build up and cause a lot of psychological problems, you know. I knew this one girl once who loved this guy and she had for a long time and had an emotional breakdown and threw herself out a window because she didn't think he loved her, and it turned out he did, and he threw himself out a window too, only he had a superiority complex and always had to be better than her, so while she threw herself out a third-story window, he went to the top of a mountain, jumped off a cliff, broke all the bones in his body but his neck and spine and skull while rolling down the mountainside, then ended up choking to death on brocolli."

"What do you know about brocolli?"

"It can give you gas, and you can choke to death on it, apparently."

"That story made no sense. You said he threw himself out a window, then you said he threw himself over a cliff, then he choked on broccoli."

"Shut up! It's my story, I can change my mind halfway through if I want to!"

"Yeah, but people will think you're a bad storyteller."

"I am. I'm only a good storyteller when I'm drunk and those stories aren't fit for the ears of youth like you."

"Shut up, you moron. I heard those when I was even younger than I am now. Aren't you supposed to be doing something?"

"Oh yeah." Kage handed the tube of blood to the 'Real Doctor,' who'd been taking notes on a piece of paper the entire time. "Test that for STDs."

"What is your obsession with STDs?" Hiei asked.

"I'd rather test your semen for STDs but you've got a girlfriend now."

"Are you hitting on me again?"

"Sure, why not? I hit on everyone else. I even hit on Koenma once or twice a week."

Hiei shuddered. "Just don't hit on Shadow. She won't take it."

"Sure she will. Who can resist these eyes?"

"Me," Hiei said flatly. "Your eyes remind me of lemons. They're too yellow."

"Lemon, huh? I like lemons. I think I'm happy with my yellow eyes."

"Whatever, you're supposed to be giving me a physical."

"We have to wait for the blood tests to come back."

At that precise moment, the old Real Doctor came hobbling back into the room and handed Kage a sheet of paper.

"Excellent, excellent, no traces of STDs whatsoever. I guess you really aren't gay."

"No. I'm not. Would I have a girlfriend if I was gay?"

"Why not? Maybe you don't want people to know."

"Maybe I am and I just haven't contracted STDs from any of my partners yet."

"Are you?"

"No."

"Damn."

"Are _you?_"

"Yes."

"Obviously."

"Actually I'm more on the bisexual side, because I think your girlfriend is really hot and I've had to go after a few girls when I'd screwed every guy in the town I was staying in."

"You're sick."

"Yeah, but you still love me, right?"

"I don't love you, and I never did."

"Cruel bastard. You're supposed to agree so I can feel good about myself."

"I don't want you to feel good about yourself."

"You're cruel."

"If you don't feel good about yourself, maybe you won't get any more virgins pregnant and maybe you'll shrivel up and die."

"Parts of me might shrivel up from lack of attention up here in the Monastery... I should start screwing the prisoners. They'd like it."

"They have STDs."

"Do they really?"

"Hell yeah. In abundance."

"How do you know?"

"They told me."

"I haven't had sex in three months. Can you believe that? No wonder I'm hitting on Koenma. Maybe I should hit on his father. What's his father like?"

"About two hundred feet tall and one hundred feet wide, no exaggeration."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"How do you know?"

"I saw him."

"I wonder what Koenma's mother was like."

"You're sick."

"How could Koenma be so small if his parents were hundreds of feet tall?"

"Shut up, Kage."

"You're mean."

"I take pride in it."

"Here's your damned physical forms. Watch your back, Hiei. I can find out where you live after I fuck Koenma senseless and get him to tell me. I might come down to your house and rape you too."

"I'd like to see you try. And don't fuck Koenma, that's really disgusting."

"I don't really want to, but it's either him, the STD-ridden prisoners, or this old doctor guy here. He doesn't have any teeth."

The Real Doctor cackled. Hiei looked at him funny and grabbed his clothes, dressing quickly and heading for the door.

"Nice talking to you again, Hiei."

"You too, Freak. See ya."

Shadow was waiting outside the door for him. He led her back to Koenma's office.

"I have to talk to you two," Koenma said, sitting behind his desk in his teenage form. They sighed.

"Figures, that's why we came back here. What is it now? Us? Them? You? Him? You and Yusuke?" Hiei asked. Shadow looked at him funny. "Sorry."

"No. It's about you and Shadow, Hiei. I've been watching you, and--"

"You've been _WHAT?_" Hiei asked.

"And I saw what you did on Valentine's Day..."

"You mean us almost having sex?" Shadow asked. "Me ending up almost naked? _Him_ ending up almost naked? Did you get some kind of pleasure from seeing that? I almost got his pants off, did you see that?"

"No you didn't," Hiei said. "I was on top of you, you idiot. You were too busy clinging to me for dear life like I was doing something weird to you."

"You were, man! You were taking off my clothes! Nutjob!"

"It's not like I haven't seen you in your little bikinis..."

"Don't I look great?"

"Good enough to eat."

"Yeah, you'd like to."

Koenma cleared his throat. "You two are being sick perverted individuals."

"Yeah, what else is new?" Hiei asked. "What else have you watched? Did you watch me feeding her the other night? Did you see her wandering hands last night?"

"And the night before, and the night before that," Shadow reminded quietly.

"They've never quite made it there yet, have they," Hiei muttered.

"Not quite. They'll get there one of these days. I think we should start making out passionately in front of Koenma here."

""**NO!** I have something else to reprimand you about, too," Koenma said.

"What?"

"Arisa Okawa."

"What about her?"

"She's pregnant."

Shadow snickered and gave Hiei a high five. "Plan worked. Let's see... What was it we were gonna do next?"

"Beats me," Hiei sighed.

"THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!" Koenma squawked. "You are my _Reikai Tantei! _You're supposed to be some kind of decent individuals! How could you sink so low?"

"I'm not youre Reikai tantei," Shadow pointed out. "You don't love me enough to make me anything more than a simple..._ assistant_. Though I don't mind assisting Hiei..."

"YOU'RE DESPICABLE!"

"Yeah. Well we're not gonna stop because you said so. You see, I'm supposed to be acting like a normal teenager and in that case, I was never here and I don't know you and I didnt't explode out of your desk drawer and what is Reikai? Isn't that only a myth? Demons? What are they? I don't believe in demons and Satan and--"

"I GET THE IDEA! BUT--"

"Oh, wonderful! I'm going home then! Come, Hiei!"

"**HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!**"

They froze.

"As punishment for what you're doing and also because you have to pay me back for all the times I've helped you, I'm ordering you to take the place of George for this week, Hiei," Koenma declared.

"What about when I have to work in Ningenkai?"

"I guess you'll have to go, but the second you're off, you're up here."

"Asshole slavedriver pacifier-breath diaper boy," Hiei muttered as he left.

"I HEARD THAT!"

"BITE ME!" Shadow shouted back at him.

"HIEI, YOU START IMMEDIATELY!"

"What!"

"Now! Go fetch me coffee!"

"You're a toddler! Toddlers aren't allowed to have coffee, it's not healthy," Hiei said.

"DID YOU NOT HEAR ME?"

"All that caffeine... It'll be the death of you, I'm telling you... Don't come crying to me when you die..." Hiei said, shrugging. He left and came back a moment later with a mug of coffee, handing it to Koenma.

"Do you really trust me, though?" he asked as Koenma put the cup to his lips. "I could poison you and take over Reikai. It wouldn't be difficult."

Koenma hesitated.

"I am a demon, after all. I have no loyalties, right?"

"Except to me," Shadow said.

"Except to Shadow," Hiei amended. "Why should you trust me?"

Koenma put the mug down. "OGRE!"

Hiei snickered. "Go on home, Shadow. I'll be fine here."

The ogre took away the coffee and brought back a new mug full. Shadow kissed Hiei goodbye and left, grinning at the irritated look Koenma was shooting her for her unneccessarily intimate kiss.

"What now, pacifier face?" Hiei asked, hovering a bit to Koenma's right and peering at all the papers as he stamped them.

"Now you stand there and be quiet and wait for me to give you further orders!"

"Mm-hm," the fire demon agreed, picking up a few papers off Koenma's stack and leafing through them. "Well then," he said, tossing the papers carelessly back onto Koenma's desk, "since I didn't get a whole lot of sleep yet, wake me up if you need me." He went to the corner and sat down, making himself comfortable and falling asleep before Koenma could get his thoughts together to think of a feasible excuse for Hiei not to sleep.

_Well then,_ the centuries-old toddler thought, _I guess I'll just have to think up all kinds of unimportant errands for him to make sure he can't sleep. If he's gonna be an ass to me, I can play at that game too._

"Hey Hiei, wake up!"

One blood-red eye opened. "Hn?"

"I need you to go to the library and look for a book on the right of ascention."

"The wha...?"

"The right of ascention. It's some human belief about the afterlife, and we've been having a problem with a group who have taken it into practice. Their souls can't reach Reikai because they believe there has to be some grand ritual done, and--"

"Sounds like you know a hell of a lot about it. Why do you need a book on it?"

"Because I don't know ENOUGH about it! We need to get their souls from Ningenkai or there will be an overflow of--"

"Yeah, whatever, I don't care about your overflowing souls..." He got up. "You know libraries are very awkward for me, right? I might get frustrated and rearrange all your bookshelves or just burn the whole place down to make it easier."

"You do and I'm putting you in prison. Just find the book. You have as long as you need."

Hiei didn't miss the dishonesty the toddler was exuding, and therefore, when he reached the library, he took refuge on top of one of the shelves (after cleaning several centuries-worth of dust off it) and slept there until he woke up on his own, then started browsing the books. Libraries _were_ frustrating places to him if he was looking for something specific, but he was just wandering around looking at anything that caught his interest. When he found that almost nothing did, he started harassing the ogres who were wandering around the library.

"Hi," he said to a particularly ugly orange ogre.

"Hello," it replied.

"Looking for anything in particular?"

"Koenma-sama told me to find a book that interested me, and read it."

Hiei raised an eyebrow. "Do you know _how_ to read?"

"No."

"Well that, my friend, is one thing a book can't teach you. Good luck learning." He wandered off.

After he managed to clear the library of people, he went to the main computer and played around for a few hours, hacking into various things and then, finally, satisfied with himself, he returned to Koenma's office.

"Hey, toddler, I didn't find a thing," he said. "I spent a whole day in there."

"Yes you did... I've been getting some odd reports from the library, too."

"What has it been telling you?"

"What?"

"The library. You said it's been giving you odd reports."

"Are you high, Hiei?"

"High? Me? What the hell would I get high on?"

"Freaky Makai Plants," Shadow said, appearing on the big screen. "Hey, Koenma, could you do me a favor?"

"GO AWAY, SHADOW!"

"Close this channel with me. That's the favor."

"Gladly!" Koenma hit the power button on his remote. The screen went black, but it didn't turn off. "What the...?"

Hiei looked curiously at the screen as a chibi version of Yusuke ran out from the edge and squeaked, "SUCK THIS, KOENMA!" and flipped him off, then ran away again. Then the screen blew up. The fire demon had to hide his satisfaction with this development as Koenma screamed and squawked.

"HIEI, YOU'RE GOING TO NINGENKAI AND ARRESTING THAT BOY! I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE DID, BUT HE'S IN HUGE TROUBLE FOR IT! GO!" He tossed him some handcuffs of the spirity worldy sort and the next thing Hiei knew, he appeared in Yusuke's bedroom.

"HOLY SHIT!" he and Yusuke screamed in unison. The latter boy, who'd been drying his hair with the towel he'd previously had wrapped around his waist, quickly re-wrapped the towel around his waist and clubbed Hiei in the head.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL YOU MORON?"

"Ow! Bastard! Koenma sent me! I had no say! I just appeared!"

"Well that toddler has some timing, doesn't he? I'm going up to Reikai and giving him a piece of my mind!"

"I wouldn't do that. You see, he sent me to arrest you."

"WHAT? You can't do that, I'm in charge of you losers!"

"Well, right now I'm his part-time lackey, and I was really bored so I gave his computer a virus, and he thinks it was you."

"Why would he think that?"

"Because I made it seem that way."

"WELL WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT?"

Hiei shrugged. "To see Koenma flip."

Yusuke blew up and started attacking Hiei with an insane flurry of punches. He only stopped when the towel fell down again.

And, at that precise moment, Kuwabara chose to drop by.

"Oh my God! Urameshi! Shrimp! What's going on here?"

"Yusuke tried to rape me, you moron. What does it look like?" Hiei snapped. He was nursing a bleeding lip and a black eye, plus several scratches on his face, neck, and chest, sitting on the floor against the wall. His shirt was tattered from the pure force of Yusuke's punches, even though most of them missed.

Kuwabara's beady black eyes grew several times their normal size. Yusuke snatched the towel up and covered himself again.

"Yeah, right," Yusuke said. "The day I rape you is the day butt-breath over here says something intelligent."

"Bad example, stupid. He's done that before," Hiei said. "So I guess you've raped me before? Oh, incidentally, I don't want to arrest you, so how about you knock me unconscious, tie me up, and ship me home in a box."

"Okay!" Yusuke said all to eagerly. Hiei managed an 'Eep!' before Yusuke clubbed him real good upside the head.

"God, Urameshi!" Kuwabara yelped. "You killed him!"

"He asked for it... Little asshole."

"I'm not even unconscious," Hiei managed. "This'll do, though," he added hastily as Yusuke turned and readied another punch. He dragged himself up and jumped out the window.

There was a short silence, then Kuwabara looked at Yusuke and frowned. "Put on some pants, man, you're making me nervous."

**

* * *

It didn't take long for Koenma to get his screen replaced, as Hiei had expected, and he never found out that the mischevious little fire demon was really the true culprit in the incident of the exploding screen. Hiei's days that week were taken up--all twenty-four hours. The only time he wasn't either being harassed or doing something active or in charge of something was the hour-long lunch period at school. Shadow made sure he took that time to sleep, or at least relax. But still, by the end of the week, he was rather exhausted. And then, to top it all off, the second he left the police station on Saturday morning, he received a messenger from Mukuro.**

"She says it's very important," the demon had told him. He went home and changed, explained to Shadow, then left again. Some threat to the borders again.

"That lady picks the most inopportune times to have her borders threatened," he'd mumbled tiredly. "Wish me luck. In this condition, I'll be lucky to come back with all my appendages."

"Don't say that," Shadow said seriously. "I mean it."

Hiei looked a bit startled. "Sorry. I wasn't serious. I'll be fine."

"You'd better be," she warned, hugging him. "If you get killed, I'll personally drag your soul back from Reikai and cram it back in your body, if only so I can kill you again for getting killed."

"I won't get killed!" he promised. "Are you alright? You're acting kind of strange."

Shadow sniffled and burst into overdramatic tears. "I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU! IF YOU DIE I'LL KILL MYSELF! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Hiei sighed. "So much for a serious side... Look, Shadow, I've got to go. He said it was really important. Requiring my immediate attention. I swear to God that if I get crippled, I'll do whatever you want as an apology."

"Really? _Whatever_ I want?"

Hiei nodded. "Now would you let go of me? I can't breathe."

Shadow quickly unlatched herself from him. He exited via window, wearing his black garb, sword in its proper place on his belt.

**

* * *

As it would turn out, Hiei did _not_ die, and that was good. He did, however, end up with a fractured wrist that for some reason, Mukuro's healers did not attend to. She seemed kinda pissed at him for something. He realized he hadn't been to Makai since he and Shadow had officialized their relationship. Could Mukuro have found out about that? Was she... _jealous?_ (oh the drama!)**As it would turn out, Hiei did die, and that was good. He did, however, end up with a fractured wrist that for some reason, Mukuro's healers did not attend to. She seemed kinda pissed at him for something. He realized he hadn't been to Makai since he and Shadow had officialized their relationship. Could Mukuro have found out about that? Was she... (oh the drama!) 

Hiei ran this by Kurama while the boy tended his wrist back in Ningenkai, but the redhead was skeptical.

"Even if she were," he said, "it's not like she can do anything about it. If she kills Shadow, you'll go berserk, and if she somehow confines you to Makai, Shadow will come after you."

Hiei shrugged. "Whatever it is," he muttered, yawning, "it can wait until after I've slept. I don't much care about anything right now..." Another yawn, and the fire demon practically fell asleep standing up. Kurama picked him up. "Hey, you moron fox... put me down."

"Shadow misses you. I'll take you home."

When Kurama came to Shadow's door in the middle of the night with Hiei in his arms, the girl let out a whimper and stared.

"Any particular reason why he's... not moving?"

Kurama gave her a confused look. "He's sleeping, Shadow. He hasn't slept for a week and a half."

"Oh." She let out a sigh of relief. "I thought maybe he was dead."

"Why...?"

"Well, y'know... He said he'd be lucky to come back alive."

"He's just got a broken wrist."

"Broken wrist? Didn't Mukuro's healers fix it?"

"Can I come in, or are you going to leave me standing here with this featherweight boyfriend of yours in my arms all night?"

"Sorry. Don't have to be such an ass about it..." She stood aside.

"To answer your question: No, her healers didn't fix any of his wounds. According to him, she sent him home instantly with barely a 'Good work'... What was it he said she told him... Oh yeah. 'I'm glad your soft life hasn't caused your strength to suffer. I'm sure you're eager to get back to your human friends. Dismissed.'"

"What a bitch. If I ever meet her, she'll be sorry to ever have invoked my wrath." Shadow took Hiei in her arms and paused. "I'm gonna take him upstairs. The flu will get him a few more days off from work, won't it?"

"Sure."

Hiei did not wake up the rest of that night, and Shadow went to school the following day (it was a Wednesday). As luck would have it, Yamashita decided he wanted to play nice. At the last bell of the day, he was in the gym. He put a companionable arm around Shadow's shoulder and pulled her rather forcefully off to the side.

"How is Hiei doing?" he asked.

"He's got the flu... How do you think he's doing?"

"Would he object to a visitor?"

"What? Who?"

"Me."

"You?"

"Yes, me."

"What, don't you believe he's sick?"

"I'm just worried is all."

"Uh-huh."

"I'll give you a ride home. You're exempt from detention. I'm sure you're very worried about him."

"I guess so. He's plenty capable of taking care of himself, though."

And so, Shadow was drug out to Yamashita's car, put into the passenger's seat, and they hit the road. Shadow gazed out the window.

_"Hiei?"_ she called telepathically.

No response. Change of tactics.

_"OI! ECLIPSE!"_

Back at Shadow's house, louging in the living room, Eclipse yelped and fell off the couch. She'd been the only one willing and able to skip school and watch over Hiei without any dire consequences.

_"WHAT?"_

_"How's Hiei?"_

_"Fine."_

_"Great. Is he awake?"_

_"Why?"_

_"I'm in Yamashita's car right now, headed home. He's -_worried_- about Hiei and wants to see that he's -_okay_-..."_

_"Uh-huh, sure. Well, he wasn't awake about twenty minutes ago when I went up to check on him..."_

_"Well, how about you high-tail it out of there and I'll handle it."_

_"Alright."_

Eclipse jumped out the window and ran away.

Shadow had tried a few times to contact Hiei via telepathy, and just as Yamashita pulled up outside her house, she got a response.

_"Shadow...?"_

_"Koi, listen: You have the flu. Play along. Raise your temperature a couple degrees."_

_"What?"_

_"Yamashita is visiting. He's here. Now."_

_"What...!"_

_"Just play along. Raise your temperature."_

_"Alright..."_

_"Just a few."_

_"Alright!"_

_"Now rest. Sorry to have bothered you, koishii."_

_"Mm-hm..."_

"C'mon," Shadow said. "He's upstairs."

"This is quite a house."

"Yeah."

"Where the hell did you get the money for a house like this?"

"It's Hiei's." She cringed at having this lying stinking moron in her house, going to be in her _bedroom_, but obediently led him upstairs. Pushing open the bedroom door, she found it just as she'd left it -- curtains drawn, Hiei tucked under the covers, absolutely no sign of Eclipse's stay. There was a bottle of water on the table next to the bed, a nice lucky touch for the sick facade. Drink plenty of liquids!

"Hiei?" Shadow questioned, sitting on the bed next to him.

"Hm?" the little demon murmured tiredly.

"Yamashita's here."

Hiei's eye flickered open a bit and he looked at Yamashita, then closed his eye. "Why?"

"He wanted to check on you. How are you feeling?"

A slight shrug. "Tired."

Shadow touched his cheek. "Well... You've still got a fever... Think you can stomach anything yet?"

"Nnn..."

The girl nodded and got up. Hiei was already falling back asleep.

"Happy?" she snapped at Yamashita when they were back in the hallway.

"He certainly seems sick."

"He _is_. His fever was around 102 this morning." _I love lying..._

"Well then... I'll be going now."

"Yeah, you'd better. You might catch his disease!"

Yamashita left in a hurry and Shadow returned to Hiei. He was sleeping like a baby.

Kurama dropped by later that evening to talk to Shadow.

"How's Hiei?"

"Asleep," she replied. "How long do you think his wrist will take to heal?"

"Human bones typically take around six weeks with a cast. I'd say he'll take a week and a half, max."

"Hm. I guess he'll need my tender loving care for a while more, then?"

"Yeah," Kurama said. "Your care will certainly give his body a healthy boost..."

Shadow grinned.

"Look, I wanted to talk to you, Shadow."

"What about?"

"School. If I remember properly, part of your agreement with Yusuke was to keep an A average all year."

"Yeah, and?"

"Well, I've been keeping track of your grades, as well as mine and Eclipse's, and you're currently clinging to a B in all classes except for health, phys ed, social studies, and English."

Shadow snickered. "Typical for me to have an A in Health..."

"If you don't start _attending classes_... Your grade will not go up. A few more zeroes and you'll have a C in most classes, and you're going to have a hell of a time pulling that back up."

The girl shrugged. "I've still got a few weeks, don't I?"

"Yeah, but--"

"No problem, then." She went upstairs and found Hiei was awake.

"Hey koi," he said quietly.

"Hey. You're supposed to be asleep."

"I've been asleep for over eighteen hours."

"That's not enough to make up for seven nights without sleep."

He shrugged a bit. "I slept a little in Makai." There was a short pause during which Shadow just stood and watched him from the doorway.

"Come here," he said finally. Shadow obeyed. "Stay with me."

"Kurama's downstairs..."

"He can take care of himself."

The girl smiled and made herself comfortable next to him.

"I love you," he said, kissing her before she could reply. "_Now _I'll sleep," he whispered, cuddling close to her.

Downstairs, Kurama had discovered, a bit to his surprise, that Eclipse was hiding under the table.

"What the hell are you doing under there!" he yelped when she grabbed his ankle.

"Spying on you, stupid fox. You didn't notice me."

"I was preoccupied."

Eclipse crawled out from under the table and stood in front of him, looking up at him with her hands on her hips. He blinked, a bit confused by the look on her face, until she suddenly grabbed his shoulders and quickly kissed him.

"Is our relationship like what Hiei's and Shadow's was before they became all touchy kissy?" she asked.

"What would that be?"

"Friends with benefits."

"... I don't know," the fox said. "Do you want that to be our relationship?"

"If you don't object. And if you don't have momentary lapses into Foxy Land and start feeling me up."

Kurama smiled. "Alright. I promise he won't." A pause. "You know, I hardly believe those two nutjobs upstairs had a conversation to decide to be touchy feely without being lovers. It was just a mutual thing."

Eclipse shrugged. "So we do things differently. I swear to God, though, if your stupid fox side gets out and thinks that just cuz I let you hug and kiss me that I'm gonna let him screw me, he's confused. And he'll end up missing his most prized bodily possession."

Kurama cringed a bit at the thought of Eclipse ripping off Youko's balls and swore up and down to every God he knew that Youko would not harass her if she did not want him to.

"Very good!" she chirped. There was a short pause. "What does 'friends with benefits' entail, exactly?"

Kurama let out something between and sigh and a growl. "Whatever we want it to, just as friends and not lovers. Typically, if friends with benefits go all the way, it's because they want to get off, not because they love each other. We're still free to pursue any love interests we have prior to this."

"Unless you want to go after Hiei or Shadow," Eclipse said, "because Hiei isn't gay and Shadow would rip off your balls."

"The same goes for you. Shadow's not gay and Hiei will tear out your throat," Kurama taunted. The girl glared and he dodged her punch.

Hiei was pretty much up and about by Thursday, and on Friday morning, once Shadow had gone to school, the doorbell rang. The little demon trudged to the door and opened it.

"Holy SHIT!"

"Feeling better, Jaganshi?" Kyouken asked.

"Well, I was, a bit, until I saw you, and now I feel nauseous again," Hiei muttered. "What are you..."

"I came by to check on you, you lying little twit."

"I wasn't lying," Hiei said. "I still felt like shit last night, fever and everything, you know?"

"Uh-huh," Kyouken said, reaching out and touching Hiei's cheek. The little demon had been smart to raise his temperature a few degrees as a precaution the second he'd gotten over the shock of seeing Kyouken. "Huh. I guess you do seem to have a fever."

Hiei rolled his eyes. "Is it that you hate me, that you're a biased distrusting bastard, or do I really seem that untrustworthy?"

"All three."

"Could I go back to bed now? Before I puke on your shoes?"

Kyouken frowned. "You'll be at work tonight, I assume."

"Sure. Why not. Don't yell at me if I throw up."

The police captain looked Hiei over skeptically. "What's with the bandages?"

"What? These?" He held up his right arm. "I always wear these."

"Then I'm talking about the _other ones_, aren't I?"

"Oh." Hiei glanced at his broken wrist. "It's broken."

The man gave him a dark look. "Did you see a doctor?"

"Yes."

"Then why isn't it in a cast?"

"It's not a bad break. It'll be healed in no time. Go away if you don't mind, please," Hiei said coldly, and shut the door. He returned to bed and stayed there until Shadow got home.

When Hiei returned to his teaching job the following week, he got an odd message.

A pretty young woman came into the gym at the beginning of second period and stopped in front of him, bowing.

"My name is Anita... I'm supposed to be your replacement while you're in a meeting this period."

Hiei tilted his head. "I wasn't aware of any meeting."

"Yamashita-san sent me to tell you. You're to go to the conference room."

The fire demon continued scrutinizing her, then rather abruptly shrugged and handed her his clipboard. "Alright, but if you're lying, you'll regret it."

He reported to the conference room as told, and found Yamashita and several teachers sitting there waiting for him.

"Okay... What's all this about?" he asked suspiciously, stopping in the doorway.

"Have a seat, Jaganshi," Yamashita said. He was sitting at the head of the table, so Hiei sat opposite him, clear on the other end of the long conference table. "Feeling better, I assume?"

"What do you care. What's going on?"

"This is a meeting I've called about your... um... Shadow Jaganshi's grades."

_My 'um' Shadow? Stupid ningen and their social taboos. _"What about them?"

"Over the past few weeks, her grades in science, math, and literature--the three most important subjects, mind you--have dropped from high A's to low B's."

"So?"

"So? So that's bad!" Baisotei-sensei said. He was the only one there who really cared about Shadow's grades.

"Can't she just do extra work and get them back to A's?"

"She hasn't been _doing_ extra work," the math teacher continued. "She always turned in a lot of extra work that she'd done in detention, but she hasn't been lately."

Hiei glanced at Yamashita. "Perhaps she's not had the chance to do extra work. Have you had her cleaning bathrooms?"

"No," Yamashita said flatly. "Now, it's our duty to try to pinpoint the sudden lapse in her studies. Do you know of anything that could have triggered this?"

"Boredom."

"Perhaps _skipping class_ has something to do with it," Sato snapped.

Hiei shrugged. "Could."

"How can you be so calm about it? She's skipping _my_ class to come see _you_. You never say anything! You let her!"

Again, he shrugged. "So?"

"Perhaps something about _you_ has caused her sudden grade drop," Yamashita theorized. "Have you done something?"

"Me? What would _I_ do?"

"Interfere with her studies," the man continued coldly.

"Wait a second..." Hiei muttered. "Are you saying what I think you are?"

"I don't know. What do you think I am?"

"Are you trying to accuse me of having sex with her? Is that what you think made her grades drop all of a sudden?"

"I don't know. Have you?"

"**_NO_**, you sick man! She's only sixteen!"

"So?"

Hiei bristled. "Is there no other reason you could think of, or did you just call me here to dig into my personal life?"

"We need to find the root of the problem," Tayama said.

"Like you actually care," the fire demon said. "You hate her. So do you, Sato, and you, Asshole Principal."

"Can you think of nothing that may have caused her grades to suffer?" Baisotei asked. "She was one of my top students."

"Well I'm glad to hear that," Hiei said, "but I have no idea what could have done it."

"There hasn't been any family losses or anything, as there?"

"No. She doesn't exactly associate with her family, anyways."

"Do you have any idea how we could get her grades back up?"

"Give her an A."

"It's not that simple."

"Sure it is. She's always in your class, isn't she?"

"Yeah..."

"Does she do her work in class?"

"Yes."

"Does she do her homework?"

"In detention, I believe, yes."

"Has she done it lately?"

"Yes."

"What about her tests?"

"She's bombed them all."

"Bombed, eh?"

"She slept through the last one."

"Oh. Well that's nice. Do you want me to talk to her? I'll talk to her." He stood up.

"SIT. DOWN," Yamashita snapped. Hiei shrugged and resumed his seat. "We're going to have a meeting with her next period. All we need from you is any ideas you may have on improving her learning habits."

"She doesn't learn here anyways."

"Everyone learns here. Nobody knows everything."

"I never said anyone did. I just said she doesn't learn here. That could mean any multitude of things. However, in this case, it did mean that you're all pretty lousy when it comes to teaching."

"Jaganshi, you are a physical education teacher. I do not expect you to understand the skill needed to effectively get information through the skulls of stubborn teenagers. Until you fully appreciate what our teachers here do, do not insult them."

"I know what a _few_ of your teachers here do..." Hiei said, looking pointedly at Tayama. "Shadow's told me a few stories about you." He didn't stop there. "She's also told me Sato won't let her creatively express herself... I agree murder plots are unecessary for a simple essay, but if that's how she expresses herself, you can't fail her. Maybe she's mentally unstable."

Yamashita looked curious. "Is she? That would explain a lot."

"She's not mentally unstable, but she's certainly out of the ordinary, and you people are--"

"Cramping my style, man!" Shadow finished for him from the doorway. Everyone looked up, everyone but Hiei looking furious. Baisotei quickly calmed down and merely looked confused. Shadow's attire had changed from that morning: Now she was wearing clothes so baggy there was no telling whether she was a boy or a girl, along with sunglasses, a backwards hat, and so much jewelry it wouldn't be strange to suspect she'd robbed a jewelry store and had probably gained 50 pounds in the process.

Hiei, being most used to her antics, recovered from the surprise first and crossed his arms. "Why aren't you in class, young lady?"

"I had to ask Tayama something."

"**GO BACK TO CLASS, JAGANSHI!**" Yamashita screamed. The force of his shout blew the rapper disguise right off Shadow and left her standing in the clothes she'd put on that morning, plus a hat. She merely winced, then looked around at the gathering.

"Hey, you guys weren't talking about me, were you? Cuz my ears have been burning since the beginning of second period."

Yamashita fumed. "**Go. Back. To. CLASS, Jaganshi!**"

"Jesis Criminy, who peed in YOUR Cheerios?" Shadow asked, putting her hands on her hips. Hiei smiled a bit as the principal started changing from red to purple.

"Shadow," he said, grabbing her chin and turning her head towards him.

"Uh?" she questioned.

"Go back to class, koishii," he said. _Yeah, you stuffy old bags, I addressed her as koishii in front of my 'coworkers' and she's sixteen. Make a deal out of it._

"Can I PDA?" she asked.

"NO!" Yamashita snapped. "**GO BACK TO YOUR CLASS!**"

"But--"

Hiei sealed his lips over hers before she could finish the protest. However, he turned them both in such a way that nobody could actually witness their lips touching. They just knew they were.

_**"JAGANSHI!"**_

Hiei pulled back and Shadow grabbed his shirt. "I need to talk to you," she said, dragging him out the door and shutting it. "What was that?"

He was laughing a bit, and leaned against the wall. "I'm being an ass today. I just felt like antagonizing them. They're blaming me for your grades."

"My grades? Is that what this is about?"

"Yeah. They think I fucked you and now you're distracted from your schoolwork with unceasing thoughts of my body."

Shadow chuckled and leaned against him, their faces mere centimeters apart. "You mean of your hot sexy naked body?"

Somebody cleared their throat from a few feet away and the pair glanced up from each other to look at none other than errand boy Kurama, come to fetch Shadow back to class.

"What's this about his naked body?" the fox asked. "Or do I want to know?"

"Yamashita thinks my grades dropped because I'm thinking of how great Hiei looks with no clothes on."

"Oh." Kurama tilted his head. "So why _have_ your grades dropped?"

"Because I want to see if I can be failing the class then make a super comeback and get the highest grade in the class with FOUR THOUSAND POUNDS OF EXTRA CREDIT! WOOHOOO!" She kissed Hiei and ran away. Kurama sighed and followed at a slower pace.

"Well?" Yamashita prompted when Hiei returned to the conference room.

"Her grades dropped because she's extremely bored. Having a conference with her will result in nothing but your own insanity and her joy, so I advise against it. Can I go back to my job now? It's what I'm getting paid for. I'm not getting paid to worry about that lunatic's grades."

"Jaganshi," Yamashita growled.

"Ta!" Hiei said, way too cheerfully, with a wave and a smile to match. The second he was out in the hall, he replaced the smile with a glowering, evil, sulking frown of doom. He stayed that way until his lunch period, when Shadow came to visit him in the gym.

"HIEI-KOISHII!" she squealed, running across the gym and tackling him. He hit the ground on his back, nearly knocking the wind out of his lungs.

"Oh, jeez..." he muttered, already in a better mood despite being attacked and pinned to the dirty gym floor.

"How're you?" Shadow asked. Hiei pulled her closer and kissed her.

"Now I'm fine," he said, smiling. After a second he asked, "Have you lost weight?"

Shadow tilted her head, not sure whether to be offended or happy. "Yeah... I haven't been eating enough since school started."

"Well if that's the reason, it's not a good thing. Not like you needed to lose weight in the first place, you've got a great body..."

"Oh, thank you," she said, smiling. "Glad you think so. It's not like I was trying to lose it, anyways."

He pulled up her shirt and looked at her stomach.

"Hey!" she yipped.

"You're not to the unhealthy point, but you'd better start eating more, koi."

Again, Shadow wasn't sure how to react. "Um... okay."

"Can I get up off the floor now?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Well yeah. I'm still trying to figure out if you were complimenting me on losing weight or making fun of me."

"I wasn't doing either! I was just saying you have, and if you keep losing weight, you'll get sick. You were perfect before."

"So what am I now? _Im_perfect?"

"No, it's not that, you're still perfect, but you're skinnier now."

"I'm nothin' but muscle now!" she said proudly, and hit herself in the stomach. "Check that out! Muscle!"

Hiei smiled, amused. "I love you."

"Huh? Why?"

"Why?"

"I mean, why did you just randomly say that?"

"I don't know. Because I do. Am I only allowed to say it at certain times?"

"No, but I was just... Oh, never mind. I love you too."

In a considerably better mood, Hiei spent the remainder of that hour in his office with Shadow, trying to puzzle out why she wouldn't just do her work in class and have detentions to sleep through. It was because, she said, she slept in classes and did her work in detention and it was easier that way. He eventually gave up and told her she made no sense, then spent the rest of the time under her tender loving care while she examined his wrist.

* * *

The chapter title makes more sense now, I assume?I hope? It doesn't matter. Anyways, I've got **ONE DAY and TWO HOURS** of school left. Why do they make us go to school for two hours? What a waste of resources... and we getso much extra pollution just cuz they gotta transport a couple kids to school... Nobody GOES on the last day, except if they're forced to or something... 


	22. Espionage

**(6-7-05)** Well, it's summer vacation for me.Yay! I slept until 1:00 today!

Let's see. **630** **reviews.** I just finished writing **chapter 28**... I asked Eclipse if I should make you all wait and suffer until I'd finished 28 before I posted this, and she said I should make you all wait and suffer. You know how long you waited? Long enough for me to proof this. It turned out all I had to add to ch. 28 to finish it was like, three sentences.  
I need to post crap faster. I'm getting tired of posting this story. I need to finish it. It's driving me nuts. I've now been writing this story longer than my own school year. How funked up is that? Then, instantly after this story, I'm gonna start **the next one**, which **will be** **considerably shorter** (THANK THE LORD!), **cover about two weeks of time** (instead of like, 8 months), **and have a much more simple plot** (sigh of relief).

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO  
**Espionage

March fourteenth came in no time, and by then, Arisa knew she was pregnant, and was having a cow. A few anonymous boxes of chocolate didn't make her suspicious, and she ate the drugged candies without a second thought.

Shadow kept track of Arisa's movements all day (effectively skipping all her classes to spy on the girl). She occasionally made reports back to Hiei via telepathy.

"So, overall," she reported to Ryu and her other friends back at home after school that day, "Arisa spent 90 percent of the day in the bathroom. To make this all better, she credited it to her pregnancy."

Kurama shook his head. "Koenma's gonna have a cow..."

"Why? Cuz we made her poop?"

Hiei chuckled. "We're supposed to be his responsible, mature tantei, remember?"

Shadow rolled her eyes. "Me? Responsible? My only responsibility is you."

"Me? I'm a responsibility?"

The girl nodded. "Sure. You're like my pet. I have to care for you and give you attention or you might rebel and attack your keeper."

"What, rape you?"

Shadow shrugged. "If that's what you'd do. But you can't rape the willing, so really... maybe I should just start rejecting you."

Hiei grabbed her hand and pulled her onto his lap. "You wouldn't do that."

"No I wouldn't," Shadow replied, smiling.

Eclipse rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. "You guys are sick."

"Uh-huh, and what's with you and Kurama lately? You've been... touchy and kissy. Like me and Hiei used to be."

"Exactly," Kurama said.

"Oh, wait, so you're admitting it? So what's that mean? Have you finally embraced your emotions too? ARE THERE GONNA BE LITTLE KURAMAS RUNNING AROUND!"

"NO!" Kurama shouted. "Jeez. We're like you _used_ to be, meaning everything we do together is without love."

"It's lust," Hiei clarified, "which is perfectly understandable."

"If you say so," Kurama sighed.

Shadow clapped her hands together. "Alright! So, what's our next plot of evil against Arisa?"

"Why are we doing all this again?" Eclipse asked curiously.

"To ruin her!" Shadow reminded. "If we're lucky, she'll kill herself!"

"That'd be lucky," Kurama scoffed. "Koenma would have our skins..."

Shadow cocked her head to the side. "What would he want with _those?_"

The fox didn't bother answering past a sigh. "I'm going to do my homework now. Any objections?"

"No ma'am," Shadow said, shaking her head. "Now, what is our next evil plot?"

"To kill her?" Hiei asked hopefully. Kurama got up and left, rolling his eyes.

"No! She's not ruined enough!"

"She's pregnant, spent about eight hours in the bathroom, was kicked out of school--"

"Maybe we can turn her in for drug abuse!"

"Drug abuse?"

"Sure! All those birth control pills... I bet she got them off the black market. I bet-- WAIT! BRILLIANT FLASH!"

"What?" Ryu asked excitedly.

"Does her mother know she's a whore?"

"Her mother has no idea, from what I can tell," Ryu said. "I met her like, once."

"Well that's excellent! If we can get some blackmail pictures, maybe we can get her to give you the film and you can burn it, and you won't be in danger anymore, and we can be free to torture her more openly!"

"Excellent!" Eclipse said. "So who should take the pictures?"

"But wait... Will she even have sex anymore now that she's pregnant? Can't that cause some problems or something?" Ryu asked.

"You think she cares? She's probably gonna get a back-alley abortionist to get rid of the thing anyway, if her mother doesn't know about it."

"True..."

"So, Shadow, who's gonna take the pictures?" Hiei asked pointedly.

"Oh! I know! **_I_** will!" the girl replied sarcastically, bouncing up and down on Hiei's lap and clapping her hands. She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Why must I?"

"It was your idea, and you've got the least at risk if you get caught."

"Plah on you," she muttered. "Am I gonna have to stalk her now?"

"If you want to."

"Awesome. Well then, I'll get my camera and I'm on it!"

"Good luck," Ryu said. "Be careful."

"Don't screw up," Hiei said.

"You're confidence in me is astounding," the girl retorted.

It took Shadow twenty minutes of wandering around Tokyo before she realized she had no idea where Arisa lived. However, being a lucky little lunatic, she found Arisa and some guy wandering through the park.

_Operation 'Stalking Slut-Face' begins..._ she thought to herself, concealing herself in the trees along the path as Arisa and the guy passed. Following at a safe distance, she found herself near a very familiar place: the edge of the pond. Shadow had some fond memories of her sixteenth birthday and this pond... Well, more like the edge of it and-- _OH MY GOD!_

The girl quickly got her camera focused as Arisa and her current partner stripped naked and jumped in the pond. _This is not my favorite way to spend an evening... Spying on a naked whore and her customer... Gag me with a spoon... I'm never going near that pond again..._

The little spy spent a quarter of an hour watching (or rather, trying not to watch) the pair swim. Then, they crawled out onto the grass and performed the ultimate sin. FORNICATION! RIGHT THERE IN THE PUBLIC PARK!

Shadow got a few more pictures, making sure they got clear identification on Slut-Face's face, then ran home and took a steaming shower while Ryu got the pictures off the digital camera and Eclipse printed them on the technology in The All-Purpose Oversized Closet Of Doom in the first floor hallway. It was really a room, but Shadow called it an oversized closet, thus, it was an oversized closet.

"And voila," Shadow said, presenting them to Hiei as he got ready for work. He stopped in the middle of putting on his shirt and took them, flipping through them, his expression getting more and more disgusted as he got closer to the end.

"God, Shadow! What are you, some kind of Playboy photographer!"

"Are they that good?"

"You're sick!"

"Sorry."

He shook his head. "Well, if nothing else, they'll succeed in giving her mother a heart attack."

Shadow paused. "You know, I was too caught up with you last month on Valentine's Day to realize that we were doing it backwards. I was supposed to do something for _you_ last month, and then you were supposed to do something for me today. I got too caught up today to do anything for you since we did it backwards."

"That's alright," Hiei said. "You owe me, then."

Shadow smiled. "Alright. That works. Be prepared for something great this weekend."

"I got to wait clear 'til then?"

"Yep," Shadow said, reaching forward and buttoning up his shirt for him. "It'll be worth it, koishii."

"I'm sure it will," he replied with a smile.

Shadow and her friends perfected their plans for ruining Arisa... Really, Shadow, Eclipse, and Ryu were the only ones planning, then they filled in Hiei later, and Kurama sometimes hung around to give them displeased looks.

"I really approve of what you're doing," he told them once. "It's just that your methods are a bit vile."

"I _am_ vile," Shadow had replied. "Everything about me is vile. I am the DEFINITION of vile!"

"No, you're the definition of evil," Hiei corrected. The girl snapped her fingers.

"That's what I meant. They sound the same to me."

Kurama rolled his eyes.

That Friday, Shadow got Arisa's attention outside school.

"**HEY, SLUT-FACE!**"

The entire mob of students hurrying from the school silenced and froze. Shadow started towards Arisa and they cleared a path.

"I have something you may want to show your mother," she said as she neared the girl. "Come with me."

"Why should I, whore?"

"Well, I guess your mother wouldn't mind seeing porno starring her daughter..."

"What!"

"I know what you did in the park the other day..."

"You... You SLUT!" She swung her fist.

Shadow dodged the assault easily. They hadn't gone any farther away than when Shadow caught up to the girl, so most of the school was still watching. Hiei, in fact, was standing on top of the wall around the school when his girlfriend ran past, occasionally turning to jog backwards and sneer and shoot insults at Arisa.

Once she'd lured Arisa far enough away, Shadow turned and pulled out the pictures.

"Exhibit one! Skinny dipping! Notice how clear your face is in this picture..."

Arisa was panting and eminating an aura of fury.

"Exhibit two! More skinny dipping! Oh, look where that guy's hands are!"

Shadow had great fun as she narrated and commented on every picture, getting more and more joy by the unconcealed fury on Arisa's face.

"Exhibit twenty-five! The _climax!_ Look at--"

Arisa lunged to tackle Shadow, who screeched and jumped out of the way, hastily stuffing the photos back in the briefcase and locking it shut.

"You know you shouldn't exert yourself when you're pregnant!" she advised as she sat on a window ledge about six feet up in the air. "That's why Hiei hasn't been making you do anything in gym the past week or so."

"Shut up! Give me those pictures!"

"I have the negatives," Shadow taunted. "I can get as many copies made as I want..."

Arisa fumed out the ears. Hiei was standing on the roof of one of the two buildings forming the concealed back alley, watching his girlfriend with interest. That girl really knew how to tick a person off.

"Well?" the girl prompted. "I didn't get to finish the last one. I remember every word I said. I could do the exact same thing in front of a camera... and sell it on eBay. I know a few twisted people who would buy it. So what's that guy's name? Is he the father of your baby? You know you really shouldn't have sex when you're pregnant. It could cause problems." (I really don't think that's true, but this is Shadow trying to piss somebody off. She'll make up whatever she wants and say it convincingly.)

Arisa continued fuming. Shadow shrugged. "How would your mother react to seeing these? Would she be angry? Upset? Have a heart attack and die?"

"My mother already knows all about this!" Arisa lied. The other girl nodded.

"Uh-huh," she said skeptically, "and I got arrested for selling ice in Hell."

"She does!"

"Your mother probably thinks you're a sweet innocent little girl who gets bad grades because her teachers are prejudiced against her, not because she spends all her time firetrucking minus a few letters."

Arisa continued glaring.

"So, the last picture," Shadow said, pulling it out, "is of that final moment before all reality dissolves and you spend a few seconds in ecstacy before you realize that you were really pumped up on weed and the guy you just screwed is uglier than a troll."

"He is not uglier than a troll!"

"Yeah he is! Look at that nose! How much did he pay you?"

"What the hell do you want, whore?"

"Glad you asked!" Shadow chirped, returning the picture to the case. "You recall my dear friend Ryu Obake, don't you?"

"What about him?"

"Well, I noticed him about my house a few times and started getting suspicious, so one day when he was sitting across the street in his car, I flew in through the window, tackled him, and beat him until he promised to answer my questions. You've been _blackmailing him_ to spy on me, he's _bisexual_, and he hates your ugly pregnant guts! AH HA HA HA!"

Shadow laughed for a while until Arisa blew up on her, then she continued to her point.

"My point is, I have these pictures, and I want you to give me the negatives or the disc on which the pictures of Ryu and his boyfriend are. Then, I want you to get on the loudspeaker in the morning and formally and honestly apologize to him, myself, Hiei, Eclipse, and Shuuichi for fucking up our lives."

"And then what?"

"And then, I want you to tell your mother you're pregnant, beg forgiveness, get rid of the baby, and spend the rest of your life as a nun, never having sex or indulging in pleasurable activities of any sort, and you have to go around wearing one of those big billowy black robes. For the REST of your _LIFE!_" Again, Shadow went into psychotic deranged laughter, until a rather large rock barely missed her head, causing her to scream. "YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME!"

"That was the POINT!" Arisa shouted.

"I HOPE YOU HYPERVENTILATE AND YOUR BABY DIES!"

Arisa gasped in horror.

"AND THEN _YOU_ DIE!"

She gasped in even worse horror.

"I WISH ILLNESS UPON YOUR FAMILY!" Shadow continued. "I HOPE THEY FIND OUT ABOUT YOUR DISGRACE! I BET YOUR ANCESTORS ARE SPINNING IN THEIR GRAVES!"

Arisa glared indignantly.

"Well? What about my favors?" Shadow asked.

"You can go fuck yourself," Arisa snapped.

"Do you know how difficult that is? I mean, I like to think that I'm a very well-educated person, but I've never learned the trick to fucking myself..." She pretended to be thoughtful for a bit while Arisa continued to seethe. "I'll consult my spiritual guide."

She whistled loudly and rather high-pitched, then called, "KARASUUUUUUUU!"

The crow demon was there in a second. "Yes?"

"O Great Crow, do you harbour the knowledge on how one fucks their own self?"

"You mean jacking off?"

Shadow groaned and fell off her perch. "Guys are such perverts."

"Who's this?" Karasu asked, looking at Arisa.

"She's a whore. Not even good enough for you. She's pregnant anyways, and she screwed some guy in the public park earlier this week. I got pictures, wanna see?"

"Sure!"

Shadow handed him the briefcase. "Don't let her get ahold of it."

"Of course not." He rounded the corner and flitted up to the roof to give Hiei company.

Arisa hit Shadow in the side of the head while she was sitting on the ground.

"Ow! You whore!" the red-eyed girl snapped, returning to her perch.

Hiei, meanwhile, glanced at Karasu with a bit of disgust as the long-haired demon landed on the roof next to him.

"Hello, Hiei."

"Hn."

"You an your monosyllables..." Karasu opened the briefcase and pulled out the pictures. "Ooooo!" He went to the next picture. "Oooh, this stuff is hot..."

Hiei sighed. "You're drooling on yourself..."

Shadow peered down at Arisa with a sigh. "Okay, so you don't have to be a nun. They wouldn't accept you anyways, but you do have to give up the negatives for those pictures of Ryu _and_ apologize over the loudspeaker on Monday. Or, mommy dearest gets to see the pictures of her angel daughter..."

There were sounds of a scuffle from above, then Hiei darted around the corner and pressed the briefcase into Shadow's hands. "You're fucking 'spirit guide' was enjoying those a little too much."

Arisa looked in a horrified way at Hiei. "YOU! YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE INVOLVED IN THIS TOO!"

"I have nothing to do with this, besides any financial issues needing resolved."

Shadow nodded. "He's too much of a gentleman to ever blackmail anyone."

"Well, I'd best be off," Hiei said, walking away.

"Fine," Arisa snarled. "I'll--"

"Oh, and you have to make it clear to everyone that Hiei and I have never had sex."

"WHORE!"

"You were saying?"

"You can't show those fucking pictures to my mother!"

"I can too. I'm capable. But I won't, if you agree to all that. Negatives, apology, no more rumors. Agree, wench, or your mommy gets to see her little girl fucking lover boy in the public park."

"FINE!" Arisa shouted. She spun on her heel and stomped away. Shadow waved and called after her sweetly, "Thanks for doing business with me! Have a nice day! Don't get hit by a car!"

"Good job!" Hiei said, catching Shadow in his arms as she hopped off the window ledge.

"Thank you, koishii. I know I'm wonderful in every way, shape, and form."

"I bet you're wonderful in some ways I don't know yet."

Shadow grinned sinisterly. "I bet I am too."

Hiei leaned in to kiss her when somebody cleared his throat from the nearby end of the alley. Shadow glanced up while Hiei glared with fury at Karasu.

"Not to interrupt for any cruel reason, but is this really the ideal place for naughty talk?"

"Go to Hell," Hiei snapped. Shadow grinned playfully and latched onto his earlobe, causing him to let out a little startled noise.

"Fine," Karasu sighed as Shadow left a trail of kisses down Hiei's neck, "don't listen to me. Don't you have a bed for a reason?"

"Yes," Hiei murmured, pinning Shadow more securely against the wall with his body, "but if we want to screw in an alleyway, we have every right, don't we?"

"I suppose so," Karasu sighed. "Can I watch?"

He received a death glare as an answer and sighed again. "I guess not." With that, he wandered off, leaving the fire demons to tease each other in the alley.

_**

* * *

**_

That weekend, Shadow gave Hiei the special Valentine's gift he'd been waiting for, which he appreciated. Also that weekend, Arisa went to a back-alley abortionist, and luckily for her, did not die in the process of having the baby murdered.

"You know what's in less than a month?" Shadow murmured as she cuddled next to Hiei.

"Hm?"

"My birthday."

"Yeah, I know. We're going to dinner."

"What after dinner?"

"After? How about we don't worry about that now?" he asked, running a hand over her bare back. "You know... You insist I'm sleeping with less clothes on, but you're the one not wearing your shirt."

"Well _you_ took it off."

"At least you kept your bra. I could have taken that, too."

"You want to?"

"You have no idea."

"Go ahead."

"No, Shadow. You're not ready."

Shadow cocked her head to the side somewhat. After a short pause, she asked, "Are you gonna go jack off in the bathroom?"

Hiei frowned. She giggled.

"What have I told you about asking that?"

"Um... That you have no need to jack off when you have me?"

"No! I never said that."

"You thought it."

"_Shadow..._"

"What?"

"Forget it."

"No problem..."

"Is it forgotten?"

"Is what forgotten?"

"Good job."

"What'd I do?"

"Nothing."

"Okay."

Short pause. "What is it I did?"

"Absolutely nothing, koishii. Be quiet."

"You can't make me."

"Are you so sure about that?" Hiei challenged. There was another short pause.

"How come we can't have sex?"

Hiei groaned and rolled over onto his back. "Good _night_, Shadow."

"I'm serious! How come?"

"You're only sixteen, Shadow."

"Almost seventeen. I'll be seventeen in a month."

"Whatever. My point is--"

"Do you have some sort of sexual dysfunction?" She sat up and grabbed his crotch. He let out a startled cry. "Nope, no physical dysfunction there..."

"What is _wrong_ with you?" Hiei snapped, sitting up. Shadow gave him puppy dog eyes.

"Don't get mad at me."

"I'm not mad."

"You gonna answer me?"

"Shadow... You're not ready."

"How do you know I'm not ready? I have a mature mind and body! I can handle sex."

"Yeah, but..."

"What, you think I can't handle _you_, is that it?"

"Do you know how long it's been since I had sex?"

"Probably since the last time you were at Mukuro's," Shadow said darkly. Hiei frowned.

"No. Mukuro's pissed at me anyways, for ditching her to be with you."

"Serves her right. So how long has it been? Since the time before the last time you were at Mukuro's?"

"Forget Mukuro, will you? You'll get all worked up and if you ever meet her, you'll want to kill her. She won't like that."

"You've had sex _that many times_ with her? So how many? Twenty? Thirty? A hundred?"

Hiei frowned at her.

"_MORE?_"

"NO! Would you drop it?"

"Don't get mad at me. I'm sorry."

"Uh-huh."

"You don't believe me? I love you, Hiei."

"I know."

"Then don't get mad at me."

"I'm not mad."

"Sure you aren't."

"I've never _really_ been mad at you."

"Really? That's sweet."

"Sure."

Shadow tilted her head. "So how long before you told me did you know you loved me?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, it wasn't like you were fleeing my house and suddenly BOOM! You thought 'Oh my God, I love Shadow...' was it?"

"No... I don't know... I felt something towards you for a while, I just wasn't really sure I identified it as love. I never really loved someone before. Most demons aren't even capable of love."

"So I noticed from my time in Makai. My father didn't love my mother. He pitied her after he got her pregnant, so he took her in. I think he was really hoping I was a boy so at least all his efforts would have had some kind of fruit, but he got a daughter and didn't love her either." She grinned widely. "Lovely story, no?"

"Mine's better," Hiei sighed.

"I know!" Shadow sobbed, throwing her arms around him. "Your life sucked until Yusuke beat the shit out of you!"

"Um... That's not really how I would have worded it, but sure. If that's what you want to say..."

"Getting back to our original topic--"

"I don't want to get back to our original topic, Shadow. Can't you give it a rest? We'll have sex when we're both ready."

"So what you're saying is that _you're_ the one who isn't ready!"

"_You_ aren't, Shadow. With sex comes a whole array of new feelings, and I don't know that you're ready to handle that."

Shadow rolled her eyes. "I'm more ready than you think. I've gotten sex talks before. They told me all about the sensations and the potential side effects... My demon half might go psycho and start raping innocent civilians or something, or I could go to Makai and whore myself off to the wrong person just because I'm a sex maniac now and--"

Hiei clasped his hand over her mouth. "That's not what I'm talking about! Jeez! What kind of lunatic did you talk to?"

"Um... It doesn't matter, I think he might be dead. I don't believe it anyways."

"Was he a Makai pimp or something?"

"Not exactly."

"They tend to talk about stuff like that."

"Is it possible to get addicted to sex?"

Hiei snorted. "You mean like a drug?"

"Sure! You know... You can get a high from sex, can't you?"

"You mean an orgasm."

"It's the same thing. Sexual euphoria."

"I don't think it's quite the same as drug-induced high. I've never done drugs, so I wouldn't really know."

"Suuure you haven't... You think I don't know you were a drunken fool for a part of your life?"

"What? I was not!"

"You weren't?"

"No."

"But everybody goes through a drunken fool stage in life."

"I didn't."

"YOU FREAK!"

Hiei blinked mildly. "If you say so, but from what I know, the only people who go through a drunken fool stage in life are losers, fools, and miserable drug-addict suicidal morons."

"And people who can't get laid."

"Yes, them too, I guess."

"SEE? IF YOU DON'T HAVE SEX WITH ME I'M GONNA TURN INTO A DRUNKEN FOOL!"

"SHADOW!" Hiei snapped. The girl cowered. "No matter how much you think it, you don't need sex, and sex will make our relationship no better."

"You know you don't believe that."

"You don't _need_ sex, though. That much is true."

"Yes, but I just want to see what it's like."

"Whatever happened to your New Year's resolution?"

"I forgot about it."

"Whatever happened to not moving our relationship too fast?"

"I forgot about it."

"Whatever happened to virgins living forever?"

"I forgot about that, too."

"And what about sex being a disgusting sin?"

"Um..."

"See? No sex for you."

Shadow frowned. "I hate when you win. We can still play, can't we?"

"Of course we can," Hiei said, pushing her back on the bed. "Just as long as we don't have sex."

"So I could give you a blowjob?"

Hiei's eyes widened. "Um..."

"It falls in the category."

The fire demon sighed. "I'm sleeping outside." He started to get up.

"No!" Shadow caught him and pulled him back down on the bed. "Sorry!" There was yet another short pause. "You know, Hiei, I recall earlier in the year that _you_ were the one disappointed that I wanted to stay a virgin..."

"I still am, but I thought we were done talking about this!"

"You were, I wasn't."

Hiei sighed and lay beside her. "I love you, Shadow. I know you're curious, but... I don't know. Believe me, I'll know when it's the right time, and I don't think it is now. That's all. Just trust me, would you?"

"All right," Shadow said. Hiei blinked.

"Really?"

"Really. Sorry for harassing you. I'll trust your judgement. I won't make any more attempts to get sex from you..." She thought for a minute. "I'm not going to stop teasing you, and I'm not gonna stop tormenting you, though."

"Vicious psycho," Hiei muttered.

"But you like it."

"I guess that's true enough."

"So did you enjoy your Valentine's Day giftish sort of thing?"

Hiei nodded. "You're a good dancer."

Shadow grinned devilishly. "Why thank you, Hiei. I'm glad you enjoyed it. From this point on, I will not expect sex from you for everything suggestive I do. Anything suggestive, erotic, or sensual that I do to you will be an incentive, perhaps, but not an attempt to get you to jump on me and screw me at that very moment."

"Very good."

"So we're like mates that are friends with benefits who love each other?"

"What?"

"Well, we're not aiming to have sex, but we're still gonna do sensual erotic things, right?"

"Do we do sensual erotic things anyways?"

"What the hell do you call what I did earlier?"

"Um... A very enticing, sexually arousing dance."

"Sexually arousing and sensual are the same thing, you dork."

"I guess it was sensual and erotic, then, and it's certainly nothing I really would have expected from you."

"But I did it well, no?"

"Certainly."

"And dinner was good?"

"Yes."

"And you were totally turned on by everything else?"

"I was."

"Then how come you didn't... y'know..."

"I have good self control. It was very important to me in Makai."

"What? Why? So that if people tried to rape you, they'd think you had a sexual dysfunction cuz nothing they did could get you up?"

Hiei sighed. "Shadow..."

"What! I'm just making conversation!"

"Can't we have a conversation about something else?"

"Sure. It's nice weather, isn't it?"

Hiei groaned. "Not the weather..."

"Are you mad cuz I'm letting my grades drop on purpose?"

"I don't give a damn about your grades. As long as they're higher than Kuwabara's."

"No worries there. That boy still gets like, 10 on things..."

"Moron."

"I can't wait until Arisa does all that crap I said she better do."

"Neither can I."

"Why do you hate Kuwabara?"

Hiei looked at her quizzically. "Why do you insist on changing the subject after one sentence?"

"I don't know, I just want to know why you hate Kuwabara."

"I don't hate him, I just don't _like_ him. He has some amount of my respect... A surprisingly large amount considering he's a baka ningen, but he has some admirable aspects, I guess."

"Like what?"

Hiei shrugged. "He's hopelessly devoted to my sister, which I appreciate, even though he's weaker than her. He's hardly a good choice for her; Koorime don't even reproduce with a mate."

"They _can_, though."

"If a Koorime mating with another demon can produce something like me, I'd hate to see what a Koorime mating with a baka ningen would produce."

"What do you mean 'something like you'? Are you bashing yourself? Are you implying that the fruit of their _efforts_ was a worthless, forbidden nothing that doesn't deserve another being's love or even sympathy and is pretty much a cold-hearted good-for-nothing murder machine? Because if you meant that, or anything even similar, I think you deserve to be punished."

"Punished how?"

"Utter confusion of the senses."

"Oh, not that..."

"Yes! That! Do you take back any insult to yourself that you may have implied?"

"Yeah, alright..."

Shadow straddled him, her hands hovering over his chest. "Do you swear?"

"I swear!"

"Are you sure?" She put her hands on his skin.

"Oh, lord! Your hands are cold!"

"That's because I'm a dead corpse! BLAH HA HA HA HA!"

"Okay, how's this: I swear to God I didn't mean whatever insult I implied, but if you're going to torment me anyways, please do it now and get it over with."

"Oh, Hiei," she said, leaning down and kissing his cheek, "I would never torment you!"

Her hands ghosted over his skin, bringing a shiver from him.

"You're tormenting me right now."

"Just by touching you? Whatever happened to your total self control that caused you not to get hard-ons when people touched your sensitive areas?"

"Stop moving your hips!"

Shadow froze. "I suppose you want me to get off of you, too? I think you're afraid."

"I'm not afraid of anything."

Shadow lay on him, looking straight into his eyes. "Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Not even of losing me?"

Hiei put his arms around her. "Don't even say that."

"But what if it happens?"

"Shadow!" the fire demon pleaded. "Please. I don't want to think about that."

"Oh, I'm sorry, koishii," she comforted, hugging him close to her. "I worry about that, though."

"Just stop. Don't think about it. It won't happen."

"Okay. I swear not to mention it again."

"Thank you," Hiei muttered, kissing her lips tenderly. "I love you."

_**

* * *

**_

Monday morning, Arisa found Shadow at her locker and handed her an envelope.

"There's your fucking negatives, Whore-Face."

Shadow smiled sweetly, then started looking through the envelope. "Thank you, Slut-Face. I do have a name, you know."

"Hmph." Arisa turned and left.

"Yeah, you'd better get to the office to make your announcement!" the fire girl called after her. "I'd hate for your mother to find out!"

When the morning announcements came on, Shadow and the others sat in silence waiting for Arisa's voice. Finally, at the end of the announcements, when it seemed like they were done, the announcer came back on and said, like an afterthought, "One final announcement, please, from Miss Arisa Okawa."

Shadow silenced Black-sensei's class. "THIS IS IMPORTANT!"

"I just want to say I'm sorry to Ryu, Shuuichi, Eclipse, Shadow, and her boyfriend Jaganshi-sensei, and I'd like to say that all those rumors that have been going around this year about those people are total lies. Happy now, Jaganshi?"

Shadow bowed slightly to the speaker on the wall. "Yes I am, thank you." She sat down and added under her breath, "Even though we all know you didn't mean it, you slut."

"Well done!" Eclipse cheered to Shadow.

"Thank you!"

Everyone else was staring at her like she had more than one head, and perhaps a third arm growing out of the middle of her chest.

Shadow encountered Arisa in the hall when she was on her way to the gym instead of literature class.

"I have one more request," she said. Arisa made a snotty face. "I want to you keep Hiroshi Nakada and all your little lackies away from Hiei, Shuuichi, Eclipse, Ryu, and me for the rest of the year. You'll get those pictures back when I'm satisfied that your lackies have not bothered us for the remainder of this year. If I'm in school next year, I want you to respect me and I'll leave you alone too, but keep this in mind: I always win. Always." She grinned evilly.

"Whatever," Arisa snapped. She pushed past Shadow and stalked away snootily. The demon girl strolled into the gym humming merrily and found the whole place in a total uproar.

"Well this is nice," she muttered to herself. After a closer inspection, it seemed Hiroshi and Hiei were the center of attention and everyone else was yelling and shouting in a ring around the two. Shadow sighed and took a running leap over the heads of the spectators, straight into the fray, landing with her back to Hiei and catching both of Hiroshi's fists.

"Hi," she said sweetly, grinning cruelly. "What's this all about?"

"He started it," Hiei sighed, already having lost interest and waved it off. "Handle it however you want, koishii." The crowd parted for him and he strolled across the gym and into his office.

Shadow's muscles were tense and Hiroshi's were bulging as he slowly but surely got his hands free of her grip. She waited for the exact right moment... He got loose, pulled his fist back...

And Shadow slapped him, then did a complete split to kick him in the face, sending him up and backwards. She had taken off after Hiei before Nakada even hit the ground.

"Hiei?" she called, looking around the boy's locker room. The blinds were closed on the windows of his office, so she opened the door and peeked inside. He was sitting at his desk reading. "What are you doing?"

"Reading." He shut the book and looked at it. "I like this Stephen King guy. He must have been some kind of murderer or demon in a past life, to be able to so graphically describe all that blood and rot."

Shadow grinned. "No kidding. So what was that fight all about?"

"He was just pissed about Arisa's little apology on the announcements this morning."

"He started a fight over _that_?"

"Yeah, he says it's all me and 'my scheming bitch of a girlfriend's fault'... and 'what does _she_ have to apologize for when we've been assholes to her all year?'" he mocked. "Moron."

"Certainly."

"I'm sick of these moron students. Most of them, at least," he added when Shadow gave him a **Look**.

The locker room door flew open, banging loudly off the wall. The office door burst open and Nakada was standing there, his face red, eyes wide and teeth bared in fury.

"BITCH!"

"Yes, and your point is?" Shadow asked politely.

"Come on! I'm gonna beat the snot out of you! OUTSIDE! NOW!"

"No," Hiei said coldly, getting up and stalking slowly towards Nakada. "She's not going anywhere, but you are. Get out into the gym, you stupid son of a bitch, and leave us the hell alone before I pummel your fat ass into the ground and dump you in a fucking river." By this point, he was right up in Nakada's face, glaring the icy promise of death into the moron's eyes. The teen looked a little nervous for a second, then furious, and attempted to punch Hiei.

Of course, Hiei dodged, even at such close range, and again, Shadow took charge of the fight. She darted in between Hiei and Nakada, grabbed the latter's wrist, put her hand on his forehead, and cracked his skull into the doorframe. He collapsed, and by the looks of it, wasn't getting up again any time soon.

Though half the class had seen that, Hiei merely pushed Nakada out of the way of his door closing, pulled Shadow into his office, and employed a few of her relaxation techniques before he did anything else, for fear that if he didn't, he was at a high risk of exploding on the next person to irk him in the least.

As it turned out, it was a good thing he had employed Shadow's soothing, because the next person to tick him off was Yamashita when the paramedics came to take away Nakada's unconscious body for the fifth or so time that year.

"What happened here!" the man snapped. Hiei shrugged.

"An accident."

"Don't you find it odd how so many accidents have befallen Nakada over this year, mostly in your class?"

"No. A lot of people have accidents during games."

"Nobody has ever been sent to the HOSPITAL!"

"Nakada has."

Yamashita glared. "Nobody _else_ has," he clarified.

"Hey, I can't help it if the boy is a total moronic klutz," Hiei retorted.

"Nakada has never had accidents in phys ed class before you came!"

"Well maybe all your previous teachers were inadequate."

"Do you have a comeback for EVERYTHING!"

"Usually."

Yamashita was seething. "Jaganshi, I'm pretty damn tired of your mouth."

"Well I'm pretty damn tired of everything about you, but you don't see me breathing my stinking breath in _YOUR_ face, do you?" He pulled some breath mints out of his pocket. "Here."

The man attempted to hit the mints out of Hiei's hand, but the little demon was too fast and quickly returned them to his pocket. "Alright, your loss..."

Yamashita fumed. "You are THIS CLOSE to being fired! **THIS CLOSE!**" He showed Hiei about a centimeter between his fingers.

"Really? Well, if you could let me hang onto this job until the end of the year, I'll save you the trouble and quit. But if not, that's okay too. You can just have a substitute gym teacher and all these kids can get fat over the next few months with no physical activity." Hiei shrugged. "It's not my problem."

Yamashita fumed. Shadow was flying all around the boy's locker room in Hiei's office chair. She suddenly crashed into the lockers and made one hell of a loud noise, audible even in the gym. The principal's eyes snapped to the door of the locker room.

"What the hell was that?"

Hiei looked at him like he was insane. "What was what?"

"That noise!"

"I didn't hear anything," the fire demon continued convincingly.

"How could you not have heard that!"

"Maybe because there was nothing to hear... You've lost your marbles."

"Shut the hell up!" Yamashita snapped, stalking towards the locker room. Hiei shrugged and followed, knowing Shadow would be able to cover up for herself.

Sure enough, when Yamashita went striding into the locker room, Hiei's office chair was in his office where it belonged, and Shadow was no where in sight. Yamashita looked all around, even in all the open lockers, but he couldn't find a thing. He started to ransack Hiei's desk, and the fire demon blew up.

"What the hell are you doing! Do you think something in my desk jumped out and made this noise that you apparently heard!"

"YOU HEARD IT TOO!"

"I didn't hear anything! I swear to God! You're going senile, man!"

Yamashita fumed and grabbed Hiei's shirt. "Stop lying."

Hiei's face went from innocently clueless, if slightly amused, to dark and hateful, and he smacked his hand onto Yamashita's wrist, then clenched it tightly.

"Get. Your. God.Damned. Hands. Off Me," he growled, pulling Yamashita's immobilized hand away from him and flinging it away furiously. "Touch me again and I'll break it," he warned as the man gently held his injured wrist.

"I could have you FIRED for that!"

"Go for it, asshole!" Hiei snapped. Yamashita seethed, glared, trembled with fury, then finally spun and stalked away. Hiei waited a few seconds after the locker room door shut, then went and shouted out, "AND WHY DON'T YOU CONSIDER ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES?"

He ducked back inside before he could receive the look Yamashita sent him. Shadow dropped off the ceiling right in front of him, nearly causing him to jump. She'd had her feet and hands braced against either side of the short hallway leading from the door into the gym to the actual locker room.

"Bravo, koishii," she said, grinning. Hiei stared up at the ceiling, then looked at her.

"Creative," he complimented.

"Why thank you, dear."

"Good thing you got me good and relaxed before Yamashita came or I probably would have punched him."

"My pleasure," Shadow said, bowing.

"It was probably more mine, actually," he muttered.

She smiled. "It was both of ours."

* * *

**Okay... One more chapter down... Six written so far that aren't posted... And probably five or so not written and not posted... I think I'm gonna die now... SEE IF I EVER WRITE A STORY THIS LONG EVER AGAIN! I'LL FALL OFF A CLIFF AND DIE!**


	23. Child Abuse

**(6-12-05) Let's see... What to say...  
First: Everybody has to go look at my beautiful drawings on myotaku.** The link to my myotaku page is on my bio.  
**Second: **Currently **664 reviews.  
Third:** I finished chapter 29 in one day, pretty much, and need to work on chapter 30... I started it. I only have a little bit more. The estimated 35 chapter could probably be reduced to 32 or 31... Damn I'd hate to only have 31... such an odd number... 32 would be so much better... 35 is an odd number, but it's an even odd number, right in the middle of 30 and 40. So nice... We'll see.  
**Fourth:** The reason for the title will become apparent within the chapter.

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY THREE  
**Child Abuse

Nakada spent a few days in the hospital with a concussion, and Arisa went to see him while he was there, to tell him not to pick fights with Shadow and her friends any more. He was infuriated, but calmed down a bit when she said she'd finally found someone to get rid of their baby, and she didn't seem to have any kinds of diseases from the procedure. He was re-infuriated when she told him exactly why she'd apologized, and vowed that the second Shadow gave up the pictures, he'd pummel her, and her "dumbass gay boyfriend, too."

Shadow, meanwhile, was plotting exactly how to piss off Nakada enough to hit her again even though Arisa had warned him not to. She eventually narrowed it down to a few options, which she ran by Hiei: punch him, taunt him, make out with Hiei in front of him, trip him, pelt him with dung, push him out into the middle of the road, run him over with a little girl's bicycle, jump off a roof and land on his head and stomp on his skull until he died!

"Wait a second, koi," he said, stopping her after that one. "It'll be really difficult to piss him off if he's dead."

Shadow seemed to contemplate this, stroking her chin thoughtfully, and after a second she nodded. "You're right, as usual. Well then... We'll just try out the other ones."

"Let's wait a few weeks, at least, and see if he doesn't start anything with you on his own."

"Okay. Good idea."

"Of course it's a good idea. It's _my_ idea."

"Oh yes. Of course. My birthday's in a few weeks."

Hiei nodded. "I know."

"That's all?"

"What else am I supposed to say?"

"I don't know, maybe tell me you've got something planned for me that I'll enjoy?"

He kissed her lightly. "I'm sure we'll enjoy ourselves regardless if I have plans or not, don't you?"

"I think I like that more," she murmured thoughtfully. Hiei drew her close for another kiss, and when they pulled apart, Shadow nodded certainly. "I _definitely_ like that more."

He smiled. "I thought you would. Besides, if I have plans for you, that kind of takes away from the 'you can do whatever you want on your birthday' thing you've said before, doesn't it?"

"Yes, I suppose it does... Like you said: whatever we do, we'll enjoy ourselves."

To Shadow's _great_ dismay, Nakada certainly did _not_ do anything to provoke her for the remainder of that week, or the following week...

However, they did move on to an entertaining subject in Health...

_**

* * *

"Homosexual sex may be disgusting to some people, but--"**_

"TO EVERY MAN HIS OWN!" Shadow cheered from the back of the room, jumping up. "I know a bisexual guy! He wants to get Shuuichi here up the ass!"

Kurama groaned and hid his face. Eclipse petted his head like he were a dog. The remainder of the class stared. Ryu looked a little uncomfortable.

"You're so cruel," Eclipse admonished.

"Well he does," Shadow said innocently.

"Okay..." Etsuko said. "And, about your friend--"

"He's **not** my friend," the girl said sternly.

"Oh..." The teacher looked a little upset. Shadow laughed and waved her hand at her.

"I'm just messin' with ya! Nah, he's my friend. He's also got a past as a rapist and a murderer, but you guys don't have to worry about that, cuz he only raped and murdered people while he lived in Pakistan."

"Pakistan?" Kurama asked incredulously. "Cut me a break! Anyone who knows that guy could tell he's not from Pakistan. They have dark skin in Pakistan! He's nothing short of a vampire!"

"_Okay_, so he only raped and murdered people when he lived in **_TRANSYLVANIA!_**" Shadow snapped, annoyed. "What does it matter where he lived! Point is, he doesn't do it any more!"

Kurama rolled his eyes. "Uh-huh, until he gets ahold of _me_, you little brat."

Shadow shrugged. "He's desperately in love with you, you know. I gave him a picture of you so he could jack off properly."

"You did WHAT!"

The demonic trio in the back row typically had these conversations in health class. They'd start talking at the beginning and continue all the way through class. After a few minutes they'd lower their voices so Etsuko could continue without interrupting them.

However, about halfway through class, Shadow jumped up on her desk and flung her hand in the air.

"Can I bring him in to talk to the class!"

"WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS!" Kurama screamed. Shadow went spiralling through the air and out the window into the late March air, landing in the middle of the road and getting hit by a passing bus while the class looked on in horror. She plastered to the front of it and showed no signs of unplastering off of it.

She _was_ in _gym class_ that day, however. Kurama, Eclipse, and Ryu entered as a group and found Hiei at the top of the bleachers with Shadow in his lap.

And the following day, without anyone's permission, Karasu was in Health class. Shadow had wondered off without warning in the hallway to look at something on the wall that had caught her interest, so Kurama and Eclipse entered the room first and the redhead stopped in his tracks.

There, practically pinning Etsuko-sensei to the wall, was Karasu, saying nasty things to the teacher. She looked like she might faint. Kurama listened for a second and looked like he might puke. Eclipse glanced at the door and noticed something in the hallway that caught her interest, and walked away like a zombie. She crashed into the doorframe and fell over.

Of course, the noise of a girl slamming into the wall and falling over, cracking her head off a desk and knocking over a pile of books in the process, caught Karasu's attention, and he glanced over his shoulder.

"Oh, I didn't hear you come in," he said, totally ditching Etsuko in the middle of her flustered state to walk across the room to Kurama.

"Stay away from me," Kurama warned. Karasu stopped on the other side of his desk.

"I'll stay right here."

Just then Shadow came storming into the room. "Can you believe that! It was an ambush! They surrounded me from every side! There was no easy escape! I was forced to indapacitate them, every last one, even the women and children! IT WAS A FURIOUS BLOODBATH! Oh! Hi Karasu!" With that she walked to her seat with a certain bounce in her step while she hummed and sang.

By then, a few more students had come in, and they looked at the situation curiously: Etsuko sitting on the floor looking hot and flustered and totally zoned-out, Shadow in her seat singing something about a banana and a phone, Eclipse lying on the ground bleeding amongst a pile of books, Shuuichi glaring at some tall pale-skinned man, some tall pale-skinned man checking out Shuuichi-- Wait, checking him out!

Yes, the tall pale-skinned man with the purple eyes and vampire wannabe outfit was most certainly checking out Shuuichi Minamino. And the redhead was clearly not enjoying it.

"Stop it," he said flatly.

"Why?" the other man questioned.

"Because I'll kill you if you don't."

"Oh, come now," Karasu taunted. "That didn't work the first time, did it?"

The late bell rang and everyone continued watching Shuuichi and Karasu argue. Finally, Shadow jumped up.

"Pardon my rudeness, all! This here is Karasu, and he's bisexual, in case you couldn't tell. He desperately wants to screw anything that will hold still long enough, but in particular he wants to screw Minamino here, and I have no idea why."

"Because he's beautiful," Karasu said. "Perfect in every way."

The class shuddered collectively. Well, most of them. Ryu, Shadow, Eclipse, and Etsuko didn't, among most of the girls.

"Come on, Kurama... Just give it a try," Karasu pleaded.

"What? Getting screwed up the ass by _you_? I don't think so."

"Shadow..." the crow whined. The girl looked at him.

"Yes, sir?"

"Tell him to try it."

"I can't do that," Shadow said. "He'll go kung-fu on my ass and tear me limb from limb."

"I don't know kung fu," Kurama admitted. "But I _could_ tear you limb from limb."

"But not with kung fu?"

"No."

"Okay then! Minamino, I demand you let Karasu get you up the--"

"Ahem..."

Shadow spun and got a huge smile on her face when she saw Yamashita standing in the doorway. "Ohayou!"

"Konnichi wa," Karasu corrected under his breath. Shadow hit him subtly. By subtly, I mean she reached up behind her and hit him in the head, quite obviously.

"What is going on here?" Yamashita asked.

"You're stalking me," she replied.

"Would you care to explain why nobody is in their seats?"

Everyone but Shadow, Kurama, and Eclipse were instantly in their seats.

"Where is your teacher?"

Shadow pointed to the sweating, quivering woman on the floor across the room. Yamashita stared.

"What did you do to her?"

Shadow pointed at Karasu.

"Who the hell is this?"

"My spirit guide," the girl replied. "The crow. He's bisexual. Etsuko said he could come in and talk about his orientation to the class since that's what we're learning about anyways."

Of course, Etsuko had said no such thing, because Shadow had been hit by a bus before she could answer.

"He has a visitor's pass," she continued, pulling it out of her pocket.

"Why, then, do _you_ have it?"

"I stole it from him," she admitted, her hand diving back in her pocket as she continued, "along with Eclipse's watch, necklace, about six dollars in change from the mugs who ganged me in the hall, your wallet, Hiei's wallet, Ryu's wallet, Minamino's driver's license and ten bucks, and a white rat from the pet store across town."

As she pulled these things out of her pocket and named them, she laid them on the desk in front of her. The white rat instantly took off out the door, granting Shadow a furious glare from the principal as he snatched his wallet up off the desk. Shadow didn't care; she was currently going through Hiei's wallet.

"Jeez... He doesn't carry much," she muttered, flipping through the wallet. Karasu peered over her shoulder.

"He doesn't carry a picture of you?"

"He doesn't have a picture of me," she replied. "Last time anyone took a picture of me, I had to go on a long spiritual quest to the otherworld to recapture my soul from the jar into which it was put."

Yamashita glared at Shadow as Ryu and Kurama stealthily reclaimed their property from her. The redhead also took Eclipse's jewelry and stuck it in his pocket. Karasu reached for the six dollars in change from the 'mugs who ganged' her and she slammed her fist down on his hand. He let out a whimper and shrank back. She scooped the money back into her pocket and continued going through Hiei's wallet. She lifted all his money and tucked it inside her shirt. Karasu clapped lightly when she did that.

"You're smart, Shadow."

"Thank you, I know," she gloated, bowing. Yamashita was still glaring. Eclipse was still dying. Finally, the principal spoke.

"Get rid of this... man. You have detention, Jaganshi. You're cleaning the whole school this time, and I don't care if you're here until tomorrow morning when classes start, you're cleaning the whole damn school."

Shadow nodded. "Alright. I'll just use some of this nice change to call the child abuse office and see what they have to say about this. Ta!" She left the room. Yamashita stood there for a minute.

"She will," Kurama assured him. "She's not kidding."

The principal snarled and left the room at a slightly quicker pace than Shadow had, but when he got out there, he looked around and found her nowhere in sight. In his mind, he was going over all the things he'd done to her that year that she could possibly tell the authorities. He came up with a lot more than he'd expected, and got more desperate to find her with each one he came up with.

Stories would be told for a while of the principal's wild chase all around the school to find the girl he hated with a passion that burned like the fires in the pits of Hell itself.

He went to the gym first. She wasn't there.

She wasn't in any classroom.

... Nor in any of the bathrooms...

He finally found her on his way to the office. She was leaving it. "Don't call them," he panted.

"Ohhhh! _Too late_," Shadow said mockingly, and went dancing back to Health class. Yamashita refused to give in to sorrow, and instead became unfathomably angry.

Upon Shadow's return to Health class, she was a little sorry to have left. Something seemed to have occured in her absence.

Ryu and a few others were restraining Kurama and Karasu both while Etsuko, finally at least partly over Karasu's dirty talk, was trying to calm them down. The room silenced when Shadow came in. She stopped dead.

"Wow. I didn't know my presence had such influence." She shrugged and walked towards them. "What'd I miss?"

"A lot," one boy said, snickering evilly. Kurama shook off the boys restraining him.

"He grabbed my ass. _And_ he touched my hair," he snarled. Shadow sighed.

"Karasu, what have I told you?"

"That I... um... shouldn't... do that?"

"Exactly. Apologize to the poor boy."

"I'm very sorry, Kurama."

"No you aren't," the fox said flatly, "and I refuse to accept a phony apology. Go away."

"Aw... Must I?"

"YES!" Kurama snapped, returning to his seat. Karasu looked to Shadow. She shrugged.

"Stay away from him 'til he cools off. But you were supposed to talk to the class today, weren't you?"

"I wasn't aware of that," the crow said. "I just thought I was here for the heck of it."

The girl shrugged. "Do me a favor then." She pulled him out into the hall. "Remember the guy who came in here and was all, like, 'BLAAAARRGH!' all over me?"

"The ugly guy that has glare wrinkles?"

"Sure. Well, I need you to keep an eye on him for me, will you?"

"Sure."

"Stay out of sight."

"Naturally."

He swished down the hall and was gone. Shadow looked, finally, at Eclipse's inert form on the floor. After a few seconds of staring, she casually asked,

"Does anyone know first aid?"

_**

* * *

**_

That evening, Shadow and Hiei were home alone together when the sound of shattering glass totally destroyed their romantic mood. Shadow lunged over the back of the couch and flew to the source--the front door. Observing a brick on the floor, her window totally shattered to nothingness, and a guy running away from her house, she leapt out the hole which had previously been blocked by glass and gave chase. Hiei grabbed the brick and followed. Shadow was almost caught up.

"MOVE!" Hiei yelled. Shadow lunged out of the way without question, and the guy she was chasing had a brick slam into the back of his head. He fell. Shadow jumped on him and Hiei was next to them a moment later.

"Who sent you?" Shadow asked angrily. The guy was out cold. Shrugging, Shadow grabbed his ankle and dragged him back into the house. Hiei opened his mouth to protest, but shut it and sighed. There was no protest when she had her mind set. He picked up the brick, which had a note attached to it, and followed her.

Once inside, Shadow dragged the guy to The All-Purpose Oversized Closet Of Doom in the first floor hallway. Hiei let out a little startled noise when she opened the door. It was certainly not a room full of technology, like it had been last time he'd seen it. He supposed that wasn't to be expected. Shadow must have named it the 'All-Purpose' closet for something.

"Well you didn't think I called it 'all-purpose' for the heck of it, did you!" Shadow asked, reading the incredulous look on his face as he gazed around the plain stone room. "C'mon. The dungeon is downstairs." She opened a door in the far corner.

"Dungeon!"

"Yeah!" She started dragging the guy down the stairs. Hiei shrugged and followed. He supposed she knew what she was doing. And even if she didn't, it should be interesting to watch.

With a psychotic grin on her face, Shadow began chaining the guy to the wall. Hiei watched her for a second, then said, "Is this some kind of sick fantasy of yours?"

She blinked and looked at him curiously. "Why, I have no clue what you mean by that."

"I mean, chaining some guy up to the wall like that."

"Nah," she replied, finishing her task before turning to continue. "My fantasies only involve you, dear. Would you _like_ for me to chain you up to a wall?"

"No."

"A bed, then?"

"Your straightforwardness bothers me."

"What, and you're not straightforward?"

"Not as much as you are."

Shadow grinned. "I'm straightforward about sex, and you're straightforward about pain and death and pessimistic, bloody, evil things like that."

"You're straightforward about _everything_."

"Yes. And?"

"Nothing. Here, that brick had a note on it."

"Had?"

"Well, it still does, yes. I didn't bother taking it off when I cracked that guy's skull with it. By the way, I wouldn't be surprised if he were dead."

Shadow shrugged and took the note Hiei handed her. She opened it and read it aloud.

"'Jaganshi: We have our eye on you. If you're intelligent, you'll pack your bags and leave the country. If you're not, and stay, you'll regret messing with us.'" There was a pause while she stared at it, then she commented, "What a self-important, insuffrable little bastard."

"I agree," Hiei said, walking up to the guy chained to the wall. He was cold. "Hey, I think this guy is dead."

Shadow looked at him nervously. "You're not allowed to kill humans."

"Nope."

"Koenma will regret it if he says anything to you."

"He'll say something."

"He'll regret it."

"I'm surprised he isn't appearing right here and now."

"Koenma can't appear like that in my Doom territories."

"Your what?"

"My Doom territories. He can poof into the yard or the house, but not the Doom territories."

"So that's what they're called now?"

"Yeah," Shadow said. The dungeon vanished around them and they were in a white room that seemed to go on forever. The dead guy was no where in sight.

"Where'd the dead guy go?"

"I dunno."

She opened a door that hadn't been there a second ago and sure enough, Koenma was standing on the other side glaring.

"Hiei."

The fire demon tilted his head to the side curiously. "Yes?"

"You know you're not allowed to kill humans."

"I know. And?"

"You did."

"He did not!" Shadow protested furiously. "What the hell kind of off-the-wall accusation is that! You're out of your gourd, man! Off your rocker! Lost your marbles! One cake short of a bakery!"

"I'm not stupid, Shadow. He--"

"I never said you were stupid," she interrupted. "I said you were off your cake."

"I'm not that, either. The point is--"

"How was the weather in Reikai today?"

"_Shadow!_"

"How's Botan doing? I haven't seen her in ages."

"Shadow, I'm serious. Hiei can't be an exception to rules he knows he has to follow just because you're around."

"You look nice today, Koenma. Did you get a haircut?"

"Shadow!"

"Have you lost weight?"

"I'm gonna--" He strode forward into the room. A hole opened in the floor, and down he fell. There was a splash when he landed about five seconds later.

"**_SHADOW!_**"

"Oh, my. I hope that wasn't the sewer."

"Shadow!" He sounded a bit less angry now, and slightly more worried.

"Does it smell bad?" she called down to him.

"NO! GET ME OUT!"

"Are there rats?"

"NO!"

"Weasels?"

"SHADOW!"

She shrugged. "It could be the sewer. It could be whatever I want it to be."

"You're a little odd," Hiei muttered.

"I know," she said. She looked down into the black, seemingly bottomless hole in the middle of the endless white. "You okay in there, Koenma?"

"NO! GET ME OUT!"

"I want a favor."

"NO!"

"Oh! Okay then! You could spend the rest of your life in my pocket if you want. I already have a whole family of hamsters and a white rat named Henri in there. You're not all that much bigger than a rat. I bet you'd be fine in there."

"SHADOW!"

"Let Hiei off."

"BITCH!"

"Hey! Wash your mouth out with soap!" Shadow snapped, and suddenly Koenma was in front of her, dripping muddy water, with a bar of soap in his mouth. He yanked it out the instant he'd gotten his bearings and regained his composure.

"Shadow! Hiei has to follow rules!"

The floor gave out beneath him and he fell a couple feet before he landed on solid ground again.

"Give in?" she asked.

"No!"

"You sure?"

"Yes! As a leader, it's my duty--"

"I don't care about your duty! As a girlfriend, it's my duty to protect my boyfriend." She grinned. "Want another mudbath?"

"Shadow Jaganshi, if you don't cut out this nonsense right now, I'll be forced to take drastic measures."

"YOU DARE TO REFER TO MY WRATH AS NONSENSE?"

Koenma fell. There wasn't a splash this time, there was a thud. Then, an echoing scream and a scrabbling insane flurry of movement as Koenma tried to climb up the walls of the pit. Shadow grinned at the look Hiei was giving the vicious noises that also came from the pit.

"Mice," she replied. Hiei sighed.

"You're gonna piss him off and he'll toss me in prison for life."

"Nah." The pit spat Koenma several dozen yards up into the air and he landed on his butt behind them both, looking rather battered and upset.

"You little--"

"Ah," Shadow said, pulling a mouse out of her pocket. "You cannot escape my wrath when you're in my territory! Give up! Or you will forever face the wrath of the baby white mice!"

Koenma glared. "I'll let him off this time on the grounds of it being an accident. But next time--!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, get out of my house." She punted him out the door, then turned to Hiei. "And that, koishii, is how you handle naughty children."

"You'd make a great mother," he said sarcastically. "So who sent that note?"

"Beats me."

"Well don't you have some kind of trained bloodhound weasel?"

"Yes," she replied. "Yes I do."

"Great. Go get it."

She smiled. "I will. You'll regret it, though."

"Why?"

Shadow just pulled him out of The All-Purpose Oversized Closet of Doom and shut the door, then walked away. She returned moments later with a little white weasel at her heels.

"This is Daisy, Hiei. Daisy, this is Hiei."

The white weasel snuffed at Hiei's shoes, then darted up his leg, chest, and then jumped from his shoulder and sat in his hair. There, she sat grinning stupidly.

"Daisy's a little eccentric, you'll have to get used to her." Shadow pulled the note out of her pocket and held it out to Daisy. "Hey, I need you to smell this and lead us to the guy who wrote it's leader."

Daisy snuffled at the note, jumped off Hiei's head, and scurried towards the door. Shadow followed.

"Hiei, stay here and repair the window."

"What? I can't--"

"Nevermind! Leave it broken, that's another sinister thought to my plan." She followed Daisy out the broken window. Hiei blinked, then shrugged, wandering off to do something to entertain himself.

**Three hours and forty-nine unsuccessful accusations later...**

Shadow returned, carrying Daisy by her tail. She had a rather sour look on her face. Hiei glanced up.

"What's wrong?"

"This stupid weasel doesn't know the first thing about tracking!" she complained, stuffing the white weasel into a pocket of her jacket, despite its squealing protests.

"You didn't find him?"

"Nope."

"Well that sucks, then."

"I know who it is, though. It's the mob. It's Yamashita and his mob connections again. Cuz I called the child abuse labor office thingy. So he wants to kill me."

"What?"

"Y'know. Cuz he wanted to make me clean the whole school all on my own?"

Hiei stared blankly for a second. "You never told me that."

"Oh, but he did."

The fire demon bristled. "That son of a--" Shadow quickly placed a calming hand on his cheek, stepping closer.

"Don't worry, Hiei. You know I can handle my own problems."

"And judging by that little display with Koenma, you can handle a lot of mine, too."

Shadow smiled. Then a thought struck her, rather painfully, right in the face. "Holy hell! Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

Hiei, rather than flipping out, glanced at his watch and said calmly, "I've still got five minutes."

"That's not very long."

"It's plenty of time."

"To get ready, and to get there?"

"I said it was plenty of time, didn't I?" he replied, pinning her to the wall. "And I meant it." He leaned closer. "With time to spare." His lips closed over hers.

Pulling her away from the wall a bit, he slowly slipped her coat off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor. His hands found their way up her shirt, caressing the smooth skin of her sides, causing her to squirm. She grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up, forcing him to put up his arms and separate his mouth from hers so she could remove the fabric from his body. Her mouth finally freed, she gulped in air and sank slowly to the floor.

Once she's regained her composure, she realized rather abruptly that his closeness and her position could put sick ideas in the minds of innocent children. She simply looked up at Hiei and said, "Now you've got three minutes, tops."

He knelt, straddling her, putting his hands on the wall on either side of her head. "I know. I only need two."

Shadow grinned as she wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her hands at the top of his pants. "Well if you continue sitting on me like this, you're not gonna have two. You're gonna end up being about two hours late. Or more."

"Fine," he sighed, kissing her lips tenderly. "You're so eager to get rid of me, I guess I'll just go." He moved to get up and she pulled him back down. Her lips latched onto the bare skin over his collarbone and refused to let go until she'd left a satisfactory mark. "There. Now you can go. Love you."

"I love you too, Shadow," he said, grabbing his discarded shirt as he stood up. "How about you actually sleep while I'm at work today?"

"You've got a minute to get there."

As it was, Hiei reached work about a minute and a half late, and Kyouken blew up on him for it, until it became obvious he wasn't listening. Then Kyouken blew up on him for that. Only a high-priority call got Hiei away from Kyouken's bitching.

In the car on the way to the scene of the crime, Saiko snickered and asking teasingly, "So, what kept you for an extra _minute_, Hiei? Traffic?"

"My girlfriend," he replied.

"I figured as much." The man chuckled. "So, you two gonna get married?"

"No."

"You get any yet?"

"You ask me that every day."

"Have you?"

"No. And I wish you'd stop asking."

"Alll riiight..." Saiko acquiesced with a sigh. "So how's your other job going?"

Hiei shrugged a bit. "Shadow called the child abuse office on Yamashita."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"What for?"

"Because he was abusing her."

"Well obviously, you moron..."

"Pardon?"

"I mean, 'I figured as much, Jaganshi-san...'"

"That's what I thought you said."

"It is."

"I'm glad."

_**

* * *

**_

Much to _everyone's_ great joy, a few days later, following the appearance of a woman in a business suit and the summoning of Shadow Jaganshi out of classes for nearly an hour and a half, Yamashita was no longer in school.

"So what happened?" Hiei asked as Shadow sat on his lap in his office during gym class.

"The lady asked me a bunches of questions, which I answered honestly and truly. Then she asked Yamashita a bunch of questions, which he answered dishonestly and _un_truly. She had him leave and the vice principal is in charge until Yamashita's extended 'leave' is over." She smirked. "Shadow Jaganshi wins once again."

"That's excellent," Hiei said, grinning. Then he looked thoughtful. "I didn't even know there was a vice principal."

"I've met him a couple times. He likes me."

"That's good."

"I don't think he liked Yamashita. I think he was glad to see him go."

"D'you figure he'll force you to go to detention every day?"

"I'll ask him. C'mon!"

"What the--"

Shadow grabbed his hand and dragged him from his office.

"Minamino! Watch the class!" she snapped as she led Hiei from the gym.

"What do you think I'm doing!" Kurama snapped. "What are _you_ doing?"

"Going to the office!"

The fox didn't even bother replying. He just sighed and returned to watching the class do whatever.

Shadow had barely gotten into the office before the acting principal jumped up from his desk (where he'd been working hard with his feet propped up and his eyes closed).

"Shadow! What brings you here, hand in hand with the gym teacher?"

Shadow glanced at her hand, as did Hiei, and they both quickly stuck their hands in their pockets. The man laughed a bit and looked to Hiei.

"I don't think I've ever spoken to you, despite your popularity in the rest of the school. Too busy doing all Yamashita's work for him, as it were." He held out his hand. "Tashiro Igarashi. Nice to meet you."

Hiei shook his hand. "Hiei Jaganshi."

"Alright! Nice to meet you, Jaganshi-san. I've heard a lot about you."

"I can imagine," the little demon replied grumpily, returning his hand to his pocket.

Tashiro Igarashi was an angel compared to Utemaro Yamashita. He wasn't tall, ugly, or perpetually unhappy. His black hair was messy, he was pale-skinned and had bright blue eyes. He was young, smiled a lot, and was easygoing. He _liked_ Shadow _especially_ because she was willing to stand up to the rules and not wear a uniform or conform to any sorts of rules. To make it all better, he was only about as tall as Kurama, meaning he didn't _tower_ over Hiei and Shadow the way Yamashita had.

"I'm interested to know the real you," Tashiro said, smiling at Hiei. "Not what the rumor mill has made you out to be."

"He's a wonderful person," Shadow told him. "Anyways, I came to ask you something."

"Yes?"

"Yeah. Are you gonna give me detention every day like the asshole did before I turned him in for child abuse?"

"Not unless you want it," the man said innocently.

"Want detention?" She looked thoughtful for a second. "Well, it is where I do all my work... When would I do my work if I didn't have detentions any more?"

Tashiro put an arm around her shoulders and leaned down to say, "Well, there's always _class_, dear Shadow, where you're supposed to do your work anyways..."

"Then when will I sleep?"

"At night," Hiei informed her.

"Well then when will I spend time with the house?"

"What?" Tashiro asked, looking confused.

"You know. Cleaning and taking care of the weasels and the fish and all the Doom!"

"Weasels?"

"Never mind," Hiei said. "Koi, you can continue going to detention. Continue with your weird schedule. But think of this: If you do your work in school, and don't have to go to detention, you'll get more time at home."

Shadow knew what 'more time at home' meant for her, and she smiled. "Very good. I'll go to detention whenever I need to, but if it's not necessary, I'll be going home. Thank you very much, Tashiro-san. Now, I've got a class to be in, and Hiei's got a class to teach, so we'll be going."

The man nodded. "Nice meeting you, Hiei-san. Hope we'll get to talk again."

"Of course," Hiei agreed. "We're in the same building all day, I don't know how we've avoided it up to this point... Ja mata."

Shadow left the school at a normal time that day, meaning she got to have a word with Arisa as the crowds of students were leaving the school.

"Hey Slut-Face!" she called, catching up to Arisa. Among the mobs of red and purple school uniforms, Shadow looked like a female image of Satan. In her black Hot Topic pants, tight black tank top and ankle-length trench coat, she stood out like a whale in a room full of poodles. Everybody cast her odd looks, which she absorbed like they were her single most vital source of sustanence.

"I just wanted to congratulate you and all your loser friends on your behavior around myself and my friends. Congratulations. Your mother might be spared the utter terror of seeing her daughter fucking a guy in the park."

"Go away," Arisa snapped.

Shadow shrugged. "Whatever... Oh, and I don't have detention every day anymore, so guess what? I bet I could walk you home every single day."

Arisa stopped dead. Shadow continued for a few steps before she did an about-face and clasped her hands behind her back.

"If you walk me home, I will find some way to terribly ruin your life."

"And I've already found a way to terribly ruin yours, so I guess we're equal, no? I suppose I don't have to walk you home, since then I'd have to come all the way back here for my motorcycle and my boyfriend..." She blinked and looked around. "Speaking of which, where is he?"

Movement up in the nearest tree caught her attention, and Hiei waved. She returned the wave and ran over to him. He dropped down from ten feet in the air and landed gracefully in front of her, ignoring Kurama when he snapped, "Stop showing off!" as he passed.

"I just received notification that _spring_ soccer starts tomorrow morning."

"Spring soccer? But tomorrow's Saturday!"

"Ten o'clock, bright and early, I have to be at the field, doing all the... fun... soccer... stuff..."

"Ten! But what about me?"

Hiei kissed her lips gently. "You come with me, koishii."

"What, and be outside for two hours?"

"You're outside _now_ and it isn't hurting you!"

"I am?" She looked around and let out a little scream when she realized she was indeed outside. She shielded her head with her hands and cowered slightly, glancing around suspiciously. "The sky is falling..." she whispered. Her voice increased in volume and she stood up straight suddenly, shouting, "**THE SKY IS FALLING!**" She ran away screaming.

"What a total head case," a passing boy scoffed. "What kind of loser would associate with her?"

Hiei strolled right up to the boy, stopping in his path barely with enough room to dodge should the boy trip and fall instead of stop.

"_I_ would associate with a total head case like that girl."

"I would too!" Eclipse agreed in a high-pitched voice, appearing from no where. Hiei jumped.

"You just walked by a minute ago with Kurama!"

"I know."

Hiei gave her a questioning look (silently asking, "Well then why the hell are you here?"), but she didn't continue. He shrugged. Not like it mattered, anyways.

A motorcycle engine revved from the student parking lot behind the school, and ZOOM came Shadow!

Three minutes later, all three were at Shadow's house. And somehow, oddly, Kurama was already there.

"I thought you had rehearsal!" Eclipse asked accusingly.

"Rehearsal?" Shadow queried, puzzled.

"We had an accident," the fox sighed.

"Accident? Rehearsal? HelLO! Fill me in!" Shadow snapped.

"The school play," Kurama told her. "Let me guess, you had no idea I was in it?"

"Not a clue. What's the play?"

"Romeo and Juliet."

"Oh, that's right up there at the top of my list of things wasted time is best spent on. So what was the accident?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Somebody died, didn't they?"

"No. The girl playing Juliet somehow fell down the stairs just before practice. She broke her leg."

Shadow looked thoughtful. There was no way that girl she'd accidentally knocked down the stairs could be the same person, could it? Nah. No way. Coincidences like that just didn't happen.

"So now you're doomed and you can't put on the play and you're very upset because you finally would have gotten to show of yet ANOTHER of your superior talents in front of a large group of people, and now you can't," Hiei summarized.

"Not really."

"Shadow has the whole play memorized," the little demon said helpfully. Kurama looked at her skeptically.

"Well... I think she would fit the part..."

The girl was oblivious, now trying to remember anything she may possibly have heard about a school play... Faintly, several months ago, she recalled hearing about auditions for... something...

"She's a good actress, too," Kurama was saying. "There's been more than once I've thought she should do theatre or film..."

"Huh, who, me?" Shadow asked suddenly, looking around. "I could play Juliet, did you ever think that?" She started quoting off the play. Kurama twitched.

"I'll hate myself for this... Shadow, come with me."

"With? But I want a sandwich!"

"We'll get a sandwich on the way there."

"Where is 'there,' exactly, fox?" Hiei asked.

"The hospital. Tamura-sensei, the director, went there to visit Sakura..."

Hiei sighed. "You have no idea what you're dooming yourself to."

"I know what I'm doing, Hiei," Kurama replied. "The first public show of the play is scheduled for April 15."

"That's the day after my birthday," Shadow announced. She had no idea what was going on; she merely commented on the snippits of words she heard here and there as she repeated the entire Shakespearean drama in her head.

"Shadow!" Kurama snapped. "Come. With. Me."

"Can I get a sandwich?"

"Yes! Just--"

"A... _Subway_... sandwich?"

"Fine! Just get--"

"WOOHOO!"

"I'm coming too!" Eclipse declared. Hiei smirked as Kurama looked questioningly at him.

"Of course I'm going, if you all are," he answered.

Kurama sighed heavily. "Fine. Whatever. Just get in the car."

* * *

... Now I can explain the foreshadowing that was way back in chapter 19 that nobody caught and you're probably gonna be pissed at me for having a one-word foreshadowing. Shadow called Kurama "Romeo" when Eclipse flipped out on her for playing matchmaker. Yep. That was the foreshadowing. Don't you hate me now?


	24. The Law is Full of Shit

**(6-19-05) Come on... I didn't want to update until I had 700. Couldn't two more people have reviewed? 698. Two more. But! I'm going down to my dad's house so I have to update before I go or I'll have people snarling at my throat.  
**Now... I have a few reviews to reply to... Don't be offended if I don't say anything to you.  
**Tenshi no Koori-** It makes me wonder how you got this far in my story... And yes, I know about God and all that stuff... Why would you think I didn't? Just cuz my stories have swearwords out their asses? Oops.  
**darkXdemon15-** Yes, it was "Banana Phone" that she was singing. You were the only one to mention that.  
**SEKAH-** That kamikaze watermelon thing was a big (if not amusing) waste of half an hour of my life. You could have warned me it was that long... Jeesh.  
**akuavari-** ... You stretched my screen. And yes, I did bother to puzzle out that whole long jumble of letters.  
**Bethie Kimamoto-** I don't reply to all of my reviewers anymore because... for one, doing that gives an inaccurate account of how many words in the story... for two... CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW LONG IT WOULD TAKE ME TO THINK UP RESPONSES FOR AS MUCH AS THIRTY-FIVE REVIEWS ON A CHAPTER? That would be an extra hour, easily, if not more, that I could be writing or reading or doing something far more constructive...  
**Thank you for your reviews!  
This chapter is one of my personal favorites... You'll probably see why.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR  
**The Law is Full of Shit

"Tamura-sensei...?"

The woman sitting at Sakura's bedside looked around at the door.

"Oh! Shuuichi!"

"Shuuichi!" Sakura echoed. "You came to visit me?"

"Of course," Kurama said, stepping into the room and handing her a single red rose. Tamura-sensei smiled warmly at the youths.

"Could I speak to you outside for a moment?" Kurama asked quietly.

"Of course!" The lady got up and he followed her out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Shadow was leaning on the wall outside the door, looking dejected. Tamura paid her no mind.

"Shuuichi, I'm really sorry, but there's no way we can put on the play now. I know you probably tried to think up a brilliant solution, but--"

"I **did** think up a brilliant solution," Kurama said. "And it will work."

"But..."

The fox grabbed Shadow and held her in front of him. "Shadow Jaganshi."

"Wait, isn't she..."

"It doesn't matter. She has the whole play memorized. She's an excellent actress. We can put on the play with her."

"Well... I'll need to see her... hear the--"

"Yeahyeahyeah, we can do all that later. I just wanted to tell you about her before you told the entire world that we wouldn't be putting on the play."

"I miss the sandwich," Shadow muttered miserably. Tamura looked at her skeptically.

"Is she..."

"Never mind," Kurama said. "She'll be excellent."

"Where'd Hiei go?" Shadow asked, leaning her head back on Kurama's chest to look up at him.

"With Eclipse."

"Where'd she go?"

"I don't know."

"They could be making out someplace."

"If your boyfriend is that disloyal, I'd ditch him if I were you," Kurama muttered.

"If your girlfriend is that disloyal, I'll kill her if she's raping my boyfriend," Shadow threatened.

"She's not my girlfriend, for one, and for two, you're making a fool out of yourself."

"I **_am_** a fool!" she declared proudly.

"I know, Shadow... I know..." Kurama consoled, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"_What_ _are you doing?_"

Hiei came striding up the hall, leading Eclipse by a rope that was looped around her neck.

"Hiei!" Shadow cried. She lunged away from Kurama and threw herself into his arms, fakely crying all over him.

"Why were you leaning on the fox like that, huh?"

"He made me! He was gonna rape me!"

"And why is Eclipse on a leash like a dog, Hiei?" Kurama asked accusingly.

"She had to go to the bathroom."

There was a short pause, in which Kurama stared at Hiei like he was insane, and Tamura-sensei stared at all of them like they were aliens.

"Huh?" the fox finally said intelligently.

"She kidnapped me and made me be her bodygaurd against the... monsters," Hiei said. "When I told her I couldn't go in the bathroom with her, she settled for me trying a rope around her neck so that if she was kidnapped, I would know." He handed his end of the rope over to Kurama. "I bet you could think of all kinds of creative things to do now that she's tied up."

"...AND HE WANTED TO RAPE ME!" Shadow screamed, grabbing Hiei's shoulders and shaking him. She'd been muttering the whole time since Hiei had gotten back, but no one had paid her mind.

"Okay, okay, okay! I get the idea!" Hiei said, grabbing her wrists. "He's not going to rape anyone!"

Several doctors stared. One even came up and asked, "Is there something wrong here?"

Hiei shook his head, wrapping his arm around Shadow's waist. "Not at all. She's... rehearsing."

"Rehearsing?"

"For a play she wrote," Kurama added helpfully.

"I'M NOT REHEARSING FOR _ANYTHING_!" Shadow screamed, pulling away from Hiei. "Why does everyone think I'm WEIRD!" She ran away. At the end of the hall, she spun around like a ballet dancer, did a split in the air, and stopped dead upon landing. She straightened, looked over her shoulder at the doctor and Hiei, let out a wail of misery, and ran into the elevator. She tore open the emergency hatch on top, and started shimmying up the cord.

"Really. Why _does_ everyone think she's weird?" Hiei asked, looking to the doctor for an answer.

"Is it possible that girl has a mental illness?"

Shadow came striding down the hall from the opposite direction and stopped behind the doctor. "And now you think I have a MENTAL ILLNESS? _What_ is the world _coming to!_" Indignantly, she stomped off and went into the bathroom. A second later, she came back out, muttering, "Wrong turn," and went straight across from the bathroom, into an empty room, and jumped out the window. Hiei watched all this with an indifferent, if not slightly amused, look on his face. Shaking his head, he went into the room and found Shadow hanging upside down from a tree branch outside the window.

"Shadow, listen to me very carefully."

She looked at him.

"Are you listening?"

"Very carefully," she assured him.

"Reach up with your hands."

She reached above her head, down towards the ground. Hiei shook his head.

"Then reach _down_, if you're going to be like that, and grab the branch your legs are locked over."

She obeyed.

"Good. Do you have a strong hold on the branch?"

"Yes sir."

"Pull yourself up onto the branch so you're sitting on it."

She obeyed.

"Now, do you think you can stand up on that?"

She tried. The branch held.

"Jump over here, then."

"Jump?"

"Yes. Please tell me I don't have to instruct you on that, too..."

"Um..."

"Either you get over here right now, or you stay on that branch all--"

Shadow lunged in the window and tackled him onto the empty hospital bed behind him.

"Let's go home, shall we?" he suggested as she looked at him like she wanted to tear off all his clothes and... do stuff... to him.

"Yes, let's," Kurama said from the doorway. Shadow looked up.

"Oh, Shuuichi dear, I had no idea you were there!" she said innocently, laughing. Hiei sighed, sat up, and tossed her out the window.

"AHHHHHH!"

**CRASH!**

A car alarm went off, followed by a huge explosion and the sound of pounding footsteps and maniacal laughter. Hiei eyed the window with raised eyebrows, but without actually turning to look out it.

"Want to take a guess at what happened?" Kurama asked as he and his friends hastily exited the hospital.

"I'd say she landed on a car, then blew it up and ran away laughing maniacally," Hiei guessed.

"I think she went to Subway and bought a six-foot party sub!" Eclipse said excitedly, clapping. "And she's gonna share it with _me_!"

"Uhh..." was all Kurama could say, as his sort-of girlfriend took off running with her arms flapping along behind her like they were made of rubber.

"Well you're not gonna just let her run loose, are you?" Hiei snapped accusingly. Kurama blinked stupidly. His small friend just sighed and grabbed the front of his shirt, dragging him after Eclipse.

When they caught up to Eclipse, they were startled to find her carrying one end of a six-foot party sub from Subway. The other end was supported by Shadow. It was carried at arm's length above their heads.

"Dinner," she explained plainly to Hiei's baffled look, flashing a sweet smile.

"I like sammiches!" Eclipse told Kurama, who looked even more baffled than Hiei.

"Where... um... are you going with that?" Hiei asked, trailing along next to Shadow with his hand fisted in the fabric of Kurama's shirt to make sure the befuddled redhead continued following.

"Home, koishii. Where did you think I would go?"

"How did you get that?" he asked.

"Black magic," Shadow answered.

"I like sammiches!" Eclipse repeated in her high-pitched voice, a big ol' smile on her face.

"No, I'm serious."

"I went in and asked for it."

"How did you pay for it?"

"Money."

"That you got from where?"

"Your pocket."

Hiei froze and let go of Kurama to search all his pockets. "You stole my wallet!"

A little white weasel popped its head up from the collar of Shadow's coat and looked at him, grinning past the wallet it held in its mouth.

"Hey! Your weasel is eating my wallet!" Hiei shouted as he caught up with his girlfriend. People on the street stared at him. He ignored them.

"Daisy isn't doing so well, mentally," Shadow informed him. "She's taken up a sick obsession with you, Hiei."

"She _what?_"Hiei asked in horror, almost stopping again but managing to keep his feet moving.

"Daisy has become obsessed with you, koishii."

"She's a _weasel_."

"Are weasels not allowed to love? Let me guess, you're prejudiced against _gays_, too, aren't you!"

"No, I have nothing against gays..."

"I'll have you know that I have a couple of _gay weasels_! What do you think of that, you homophobe!" Shadow continued, ignoring his comment.

"Gay weasels?"

"Yeah."

Hiei shook his head, sighing. "I told you, I have nothing wrong with gays, or weasels, or gay weasels. Does it make me strange to be concerned when a _weasel_ takes up an obsession with me? I'm... not a weasel."

"So? I think Youko Kurama is hot and I'm not a fox."

"That's different."

"How?"

"He's intelligent and humanoid."

"Daisy's... well, no, never mind. I was gonna say she's intelligent, but she's a couple sandwiches short of a picnic basket, so I guess that makes her... Not quite intelligent."

"Whatever she is," Hiei snapped, "she's eating my wallet and I _don't_ appreciate it." He reached forward and grabbed the wallet form the weasel's mouth. The second he pulled on it, Daisy let go and scurried up his arm and sat on his shoulder. Then came the strangest thing he'd ever experienced: meeting the eyes of a weasel who loved him, and being able to tell it was true.

"Shadow!" he whimpered. "Don't you have some... objection... to a weasel loving me?"

His girlfriend shrugged. "No. She's a weasel. It's not like you can _do_ anything. You can't cheat on me with a weasel, Hiei."

"I know, but--"

"Unless you're really that small."

Hiei turned red. "I resent that!"

"An insult to your manhood!" Shadow said overdramatically. "Well I'm soooo sorry. How do I know it's not true?"

"You do."

"How?"

"I LIKE SAMMICHES!" Eclipse squealed from six feet away. Hiei spared her an angry glance.

"Because you've _touched me_ before."

"She did WHAT?" Kurama, who'd been trailing along behind Eclipse, was suddenly next to Hiei. "And why is that weasel looking at you like it wants to screw you?"

"Because she does," Shadow said plainly, turning to cross the road and causing a man walking his dog to trip and get hit by a bus as he stared at the odd group (don't worry, the dog was fine, and in fact followed Shadow home).

"O-kay, I'm gonna forget I heard that. Back to the touching thing..."

Shadow nearly screamed as Yusuke flung open the front door to greet her on the porch.

"I'm so happy to see you, Shadow!" he said. "And you even brought dinner! And a _dog_!"

"A dog?"

"Hey Hiei, how come that weasel looks like it wants to eat you? And I mean 'eat you' in a sexual way."

"Because it does," Kurama answered as the sandwich-bearers and the tormented fire demon filed past Yusuke. The boy opened his mouth to reply, but shuddered and walked away. Kurama shrugged and followed the other three into the dining room.

The sub was put on the table, which had been hastily cleared off (in other words, everything that had previously been on the table was now strewn all over the floor).

"And about the touching thing," Shadow said, glaring at Kurama as she moved towards Hiei. She backed her boyfriend up against the wall and he looked at her with a mixture of confusion and anxiousness. Daisy leapt off his shoulder and stalked away indignantly. Nobody paid her any mind.

"Um... what 'touching thing'?" Yusuke asked nervously. Shadow merely answered by closing the distance between herself and Hiei, pressing her lips against his and kissing him hungrily. He returned the frantic kiss with just as much fervor. Yusuke watched, slack-jawed, with a bit of drool running down his chin. Kurama nervously followed, with his eyes, the progress of Shadow's hands down Hiei's body. His chest... stomach... around his hips and down to grab his ass... Kurama gawked a bit as they ground their hips together, and then Shadow's hand reached its final destination and she grabbed Hiei's crotch. He gasped a bit, pulling away from the kiss, and met Shadow's eyes as she grinned sinisterly at him. Kurama examined them both in that moment and made a number of conclusions.

"Oh, fuck," Hiei breathed, leaning heavily against Shadow.

"Are you sure you two have never had sex?" Yusuke asked.

"We're fairly sure, unless I slept through it," Shadow replied.

"I bet you could," Hiei muttered.

"Are you really _that_ boring?" Yusuke asked Hiei accusingly.

"What!"

"I resent that," Shadow snapped. "Hiei is not boring. Hiei is far from boring."

"We could tell," Kurama muttered under his breath. "Apparently, so are you."

"Oh, hell yes," Hiei said, grinning. "She's far from boring. Far, _far_ from it."

"Why thank you, Hiei," the girl said.

A long, loud belch interrupted them. All four turned slowly to stare at Eclipse.

"I **like** sammiches!" the girl said happily. The six-foot sub was no where in sight, and Shadow let out a scream.

"**YOU ATE MY SUBWAY, YOU BITCH!**"

"I miss the sandwich," Eclipse muttered to herself.

"YOU ATE THAT ENTIRE SUBWAY BY YOURSELF!"

"Yeaaaas," she agreed. "Wait a minute, no. The doggie got some."

"_Doggie!_"

"The doggie that the bus didn't kill!"

"YOU GAVE A DOG MY SANDWICH!"

"Uh-huh!"

"**_DIIIIEEEEE, YOU CRIMINAL!_**"

"YOU WERE TOO BUSY GIVING HIEI A HARD-ON! WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?" Eclipse shouted, not using the happy high-pitched voice anymore, but being blunt and childish all the same.

"**YOU COULD HAVE WAITED!**"

"I didn't get a hard-on, either," Hiei pointed out, more to himself than to either of the girls. "Not like you care."

"It would have been kinda funny if you had," Yusuke admitted. Hiei examined him for a second, made a disgusted noise, rolled his eyes, and walked away.

"**AND NOW LOOK! YOU MADE HIM LEAVE!**" Shadow shouted. "I demand you go now and get me another six-foot sub!"

"Hey, Hiei's all horny, why don't you go give him a blowjob," Yusuke suggested.

Yusuke woke up late the next day, seeing through two black eyes and sporting a heavily bandaged head.

_**

* * *

**_

The following day, after a mere two hours of sleep, Hiei got up at nine o'clock to allow for any events between then and ten 'til ten, when he had to leave (by car) to get to the school to coach the soccer team.

And there were a few events. Yusuke had spent the night there, while Kurama had taken Eclipse home after Shadow nearly killed her twice (they later puzzled whether he'd meant his home, or hers). So, Shadow got no sleep. Hiei came home at six in the morning to find her and Yusuke playing strip poker. He wasn't very pleased.

"I about got shot four times, _did_ get hit once, the mob made another pitiful attempt at killing me, and I got bitched at by Kyouken for twenty minutes, and then I come home and find my girlfriend sitting shirtless in front of YOU in your UNDERWEAR at the dining room TABLE!"

They later found out Yusuke had taped Shadow's entire apology and the kiss that followed from a closet. Unfortunately, Kurama had showed up by that time with Eclipse to make sure Hiei reached the soccer field on time, and he restrained the two furious pyromaniacs. However, he couldn't protect Yusuke from Shadow's fiery wrath, and she burned off all the boy's clothes. **All** of them. Hiei left willingly then, revenge taken, snickering as Yusuke whined, "GUYS! I don't have any more clothes here!"

"Don't sit your naked ass on my furniture," Shadow warned, snickering. Kurama turned his back quickly and steered the two out the door to hide his own laughter.

"NO FAIR!"

When the group reached the soccer field and Shuuichi Minamino stepped out of the car, all activity on the field ceased.

"Wow... It's Shuuichi Minamino..."

"Wow..."

A ball that had been kicked high up in the air previous to the God's entrance suddenly flew down and slammed into Eclipse's head, knocking her flat out on the ground. Hiei, who'd gotten out of the car on the same side as her, looked down at her indifferently while Kurama stared with wide eyes and Shadow abruptly decided to play seal and balance the ball on her nose.

"Is she _okay_?" Kurama asked Hiei, annoyed.

"I 'onno." He grabbed the front of her shirt and looked at her curiously. "Yeah."

Eclipse punched him in the head. "I _AM NOT_!" Then she continued hanging like a corpse. Hiei looked at her with a frown.

"I am not in the mood."

"Why?"

"Never mind. Just go play soccer."

"Okay... Bitch." She jumped onto the hood of the car and off the other side, running onto the field before Hiei could pummel her. He clenched his fists and glared at her as she kicked balls at her teammates' faces to snap them out of their Shuuichi-induced coma.

"Oh, calm down," Kurama soothed, putting a hand on Hiei's shoulder. "You know how she is."

"Easy for you to say. She's _your_ girlfriend."

"She isn't, but that doesn't change the fact that you can't expect much from her."

"At least Shadow has half a grain of consideration."

Kurama glanced at Hiei's girlfriend, who was repeatedly bouncing a soccer ball on her forehead.

"She may be considerate, but she's retarded."

"I RESENT THAT!" Shadow snapped, catching the ball and flinging it at Kurama's head. Hiei ducked (unnecessarily, as his head is like, at Kurama's chest level... shoulder, perhaps). Kurama dodged as well, and the ball flew into the road, crashing into some bicyclist and causing him to wreck. Shadow didn't watch long enough to see that, as the second it didn't hit Kurama, she pinned him to the car with his arms out to his sides, forcing her to be very close to him to keep them that way.

"Take it back, fox," she demanded.

"But it's true."

"You know very well I have an unnaturally high level of intellect," she said, lifting her knee and gently placing it between his legs as a lingering threat. "Take it back."

"Fine, Shadow. I'm very sorry. You aren't retarded. I take it back. You're smarter than you act. You just put your smarts to a different use than Hiei or I do."

"Thank you," she said, leaning up and kissing his cheek. "I knew you could see things my way." With that, she put her hands on his shoulders, flung herself up over his head, doing a few acrobatics in mid-air before landing right in the path of a high-velocity soccer ball (kicked by Eclipse) and getting knocked flat in the dirt from the impact. Hiei barely spared her a glance as he strolled onto the field to do his coaching.

"Okay! Warm-ups. Now."

Good coach he is, no?

"But that's what we were just doing!" one girl protested.

"WELL DO IT SOME MORE!" Hiei snapped. "I didn't _see_ you, nor did I _instruct you_ to before."

"Bitch," Eclipse said again from where she was poking Shadow's motionless body with a stick. Hiei grabbed a soccer ball from the nearest person and wailed at it Eclipse, who dodged and he only succeeded in smashing his own girlfriend in the stomach with the ball. And it was no gentle toss, either, but Shadow was already lying there with her tongue hanging out and her eyes rolled back in her head, spread-eagled on the grass, so there was no indicator that she'd even felt it, except for the loud, pained, "UHG!" she emitted. (did you catch the sarcasm?)

"Jeez... How does she put up with you?" one of the girls asked.

"Really, Hiei. You're such a bitch," Eclipse said, returning to Shadow to poke her corpse with a stick again.

"You want me to be a bitch? I'll show you a bitch if you don't start doing your fuckin' warm-ups," Hiei threatened. Eclipse smiled innocently and grabbed the ball that had hit her friend in the stomach.

"You heard the vertically challenged neanderthal!" she shouted. "Warm-ups!"

Kurama wandered over and grabbed Shadow's wrist, dragging her out of the way. Hiei showed no signs of noticing.

After warm-ups (during which Eclipse called Hiei a bitch at least half a dozen more times), ol' Coach Hiei (or would it be Coach Jaganshi?) put them on teams and they scrimmaged. When one of the teams started losing horribly--something he'd intentionally arranged, to test the skill of the previous season's crappier players--he sighed and added himself to their team, if only as goalie.

"You cheater! You're biased to that team because I'm not on it! You bitch!" Eclipse wailed. Hiei kicked a ball at her head next chance he got.

When, with him as goalie, the other team scored no more goals but his team scored none either because they sucked some major ass, he put himself in the position of center.

"Just remember I'm not gonna be saving your asses in games," he reminded.

"You're such a bitch, Hiei!" Eclipse whined. "You're better than all of them! You're prejudiced against my team because I'm on it, and Kit isn't! I bet you're secretely having an AFFAIR with her!"

"Yeah, I wish!" the girl named Kit scoffed. Hiei grabbed the ball and slammed it into the ground, bouncing it a good ten feet up into the air.

"This is SOCCER! Not--"

"This is soccer!" Eclipse mocked. "I'm a bitch!"

Hiei caught the ball as it came down and smashed her in the head with it. "Now! Are we going to play soccer, or are you all going to discuss your attraction to me?"

"You're fuckin' sexy, Hiei!" one girl called from the defense position.

"But Shuuichi is still better!" the other defense on Eclipse's team called.

"Thanks."

"Bitch," Eclipse shot at him.

"What was that one for!"

"The hell of it," the girl answered. "Now, are we going to play soccer?"

"Yes, you ass," Hiei snapped. And they did. With Hiei's help, his team still lost horribly because he intentionally lowered his exertions to a level that made him about equal to Eclipse (one good player on a sucky team can't save the game).

"Alright," he called after a while, catching the ball in mid-air as it sailed towards his team's goal. "Practice is over."

"BITCH!" Eclipse roared for a last time. "WE WOULD HAVE WON!"

"You did win, you shithead," Hiei snapped.

"We did?"

"Yes."

"Oh, well in that case, I take back that last bitch comment."

"You called me a bitch at least thirty times in the past two hours. I hardly think that makes me feel any better."

"God, you're such a bitch, Hiei," Shadow taunted, walking onto the field. She kissed his lips, then his neck. She stepped back and looked at him thoughtfully for a second.

"What?" he questioned nervously.

"You taste like sweat."

"Ewwwww," Eclipse whined.

"Go fuck Kurama," Shadow snapped, and began licking the sweat off Hiei's neck, occasionally leaving gentle kisses.

"Eww, you have some kind of sick sweat-drinking fetish," Eclipse whined as she watched with rapt fascination, moving around to see better as Hiei tilted his head.

"I'm not even sweating," he told her.

"Ewwwwww," Kurama echoed mockingly from behind Eclipse. She jumped. "And you have some kind of fetish with _watching_ her 'sick sweat-drinking fetish.'"

When Shadow finished her odd activities, Hiei looked at her questioningly.

"Do you really like the taste of sweat that much? Because that _is_ a little odd. Blood, I can understand, but sweat..."

Shadow shrugged. "You weren't even sweating. It was kinda just an excuse to drool all over you."

He pulled her close and kissed her lips gently. "You don't need an excuse for that."

"Well you could have told me _earlier_," Shadow whined.

"Yeah, bitch!" Eclipse added. Kurama pinched her. "Ow!"

"I did tell you earlier, koi," Hiei reminded. "When I said I loved you."

"That automatically gives me permission to come up to you at random intervals in the day and drool all over your neck? Is that written somewhere, because I must have missed that memo..."

Hiei chuckled. "Now, considering what you did yesterday, do you think I would mind if you licked my neck a little?"

"That wasn't a little," Eclipse muttered. "That was like, a saliva bath."

Most of the soccer team was watching, and had been watching, and in fact hadn't even moved off the field yet. Shadow abruptly noticed this and pulled Hiei close, putting her arms around him and her mouth next to his ear.

"Look around, koishii... It's like we're in a zoo..."

Hiei's eyes flicked around nervously at all the people staring. Shadow then made it worse by saying, "A reward for your good behaviour," and kissing him fervently right there. But he couldn't very well resist.

"Now," Shadow said, pulling away, "come along, little doggie." She pulled out a collar and a leash and fastened the former around her boyfriend's neck, dragging him away.

"Shadow, this is humiliating!" he complained.

"You know you like it."

"No I don't," he said dejectedly, reaching up to unbuckle the collar. "Under other circumstances, maybe. But no, I don't like it right now."

Shadow sighed. "You're mean."

"Yeah, Hiei!" Eclipse said, catching up to them as said fire demon handed his collar back to Shadow. "You're such a bitch, Hiei!"

"You're abusive," Hiei told the girl. "I have abusive friends. Maybe I was better off with _no_ friends."

"You probably were," Eclipse said frankly. "Look what you've gotten yourself into. You've got a girlfriend like Shadow, and you guys can't even have sex because it's against the law. She's a minor. It'd be rape."

Shadow stopped dead. "I'd forgotten all about that. There's _another_ reason we can't have sex, Hiei! And look at all those times you've tried to get my pants off! You'd be raping me!"

"I have not tried to get your pants off! Last time I checked, it was _me_ having to convince _you_ to stop with the sex fixation!"

"Oh, yeah, uh-huh, that's what you say _now_!" Eclipse added. "I remember that time--"

"Oh, shut up, you whore!" Shadow snapped. "You wanna fuck Kurama!"

"I do not!"

"Just because Hiei wants to make mad passionate love to me doesn't mean that you have to add your two cents worth! Besides, he holds back around you, because you're sex-squeamish! You're just jealous because I have a guy lusting after my body and you just have Kurama!"

"I am not sex squeamish, and what does that mean that I 'just have Kurama'! Kurama is plenty, thank you!"

"Oooh, he's plenty of man, is he? You've gone _that far_ with him? What would your _teammates_ think?"

"I haven't got 'that far' with anyone! I'm sex-squeamish, remember?"

"Uh-huh, that's what you say _now_. How many times _have_ you had sex, I wonder?"

"ZERO! What about _you_? How many times have _you_ had sex, Shadow Jaganshi, you whore? You've got all those creepy half-naked outfits and chains and whips in your bedroom! I bet you're a _dominatrix!_ You're gonna chain Hiei up and beat him until he gets off!"

"Hiei is not like that! He wouldn't orgasm from pain!"

"He might if you were in one of those whore outfits and you were--" She made crude hand motions.

Shadow let out a "Hmph!" and said, "Well I bet you've sucked off half the school, you lesbian!"

"Why would I suck anyone off if I was a lesbian?"

"Good point, you whore! So why'd you tell me you were?"

"I never did!"

"Yes you did! You've got a sick fixation on me! You want my body as bad as Hiei does!"

"Well then Hiei must not want you very badly!"

"What are you talking about? Hiei loves me! He wants to make mad passionate love to me!"

"Well _I_ don't!"

"You had damn well better not! Why would you say such a stupid thing? That's like, DUH!"

"You just said I did!"

"Did what?"

"Wanted to fuck you!"

"Ew, you want to fuck me? HIEI!"

"No!"

"HIEI! PROTECT ME! SHE'S A LESBIAN!"

"Hiei, she's full of shit! Ask Kurama!"

"Oh, ask Kurama, huh? And how, pray tell, would Kurama know?"

"He just would! He's smart like that."

"Just because you gave him a blowjob doesn't mean you can't be a lesbian."

"I never did!"

"Yeah, that's what you say _now_, but last _night_ you told me--"

"I didn't even SEE YOU last night!"

"That's what you say now, but _last night_--"

"Shut the hell up, you Hiei-sucking--"

"Kurama-sucker!"

"I resent that! He's not even my boyfriend!"

"Well Hiei isn't mine!"

"Since WHEN? Last time I checked, you loved him!"

"Well that doesn't mean he's my boyfriend!"

"Well then what DOES it mean?"

"He's my lover!"

"But you can't make love! It'd be rape!"

"How could it be rape if I was totally willing?"

"The law says so."

"The law is full of shit!"

"I agree."

"Yeah, I'll bet you do, you freak!"

"What about that makes me a freak?"

"What if I was dominant? Would it still be rape?"

"Yes."

"That law is full of shit! Who made it up?"

"Some loser."

"I agree! He _is_ a loser!"

"Such an asshole."

"Exactly!"

"Motherfuckin' dorkwad."

"You took the words right out of my mouth!"

"Hiei's gay."

"No he's not."

"Damn. I figured you'd agree, that roll you were on."

"Agree? Why would I agree that my boyfriend is gay?"

"You just said he wasn't your boyfriend!"

"When the hell did I say that?"

"When you said he was gay and you refused to spend another night with him."

"Hiei's GAY?"

"Yes, yes he is. I'm sorry, Shadow."

"Hiei, you whore!"

"I never said he was a whore! I said he was gay!"

"Hiei, you gay freak!"

"You tell 'im, Shadow."

"I can't believe you're gay! I bet you've been cheating on me this whole time with KURAMA!"

"No he hasn't! Kurama isn't gay! Just Hiei!"

"Kurama, I can't believe you're gay in my bed with Hiei! In MY BED!"

"SHADOW, I NEVER SAID THAT!"

"Yes you did! You said you couldn't believe that Kurama was cheating on you with me, and that you're disgusted by my utter and totally unbelievable sexiness and inhumanly high intelligence levels and--"

"Whore."

"Bitch."

"Ass."

"Dick."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Is not."

"Is so."

"Is not."

"Are so."

"You are."

"Am not."

"Damn."

"What?"

"I was hoping you'd agree."

"I don't even know what we're talking about now."

"I don't even know who's talking now."

"You're an asshole, whoever you are."

"Well whoever you are, you're a whore."

"Good. Glad it's settled. I'm gonna go fuck Kurama now."

"But you're Shadow."

"HA! SO YOU DO KNOW WHO I AM! ALL THESE YEARS YOU'VE BEEN LYING TO ME! You no-good dirty rotten lying son of a bitch..."

"I'm a girl."

"OH MY GOD! YOU ARE? ALL THIS TIME YOU'VE BEEN LYING TO ME! You no-good dirty--"

"**_SHUT UP!_**"

Both girls froze at the sudden uproar of voices.

"Did you hear that?" Shadow asked quietly.

"No."

"Yes you did you lying, no-good, dirty, rotten, lying son of a bitch!"

"You said 'lying' twice."

"No I didn't, you dirty, stinking, ugly, rotten, sock-faced, pugly fugly monkey-ass-for-a-face piece of deer shit."

"Yes you did, actually, you bulbous, festering, vile, rotting, maggot-infested hunk of slimey roadkill."

"Why, I oughtta cram my fist right down your throat, you stinking, fly-infested--"

"As interesting as this is to listen to," Hiei muttered, "I think we should do something or they'll be at it all day."

"I agree," Kurama said.

All the soccer team, _plus_ most of the team's parents, were standing around watching the two girls argue and trade vile insults.

"What should we do?" Hiei asked.

"Cram socks in their mouths," the fox suggested.

"Shadow would eat them."

"I'm gonna be sick."

"--you homeless son of the ugliest whore in RUSSIA!"

"We're not in Russia, you dumb, stupid, moronic--"

"Yes we are, you fat, blubbering, whale of a--"

"No we AREN'T, you... pink, happy... uh... ray of sunshine?"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH, OOOOHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOO! IT HURTS, IT HURTS!"

"MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SUFFER!"

"No." Shadow punched Eclipse. Eclipse kicked Shadow. Shadow bit Eclipse. Eclipse spat on Shadow. Hiei grabbed Shadow by the ponytail, pulling backwards and knocking her to the ground, quickly straddling her and pinning her hands above her head in a totally unromantic manner.

"Who are you?" Shadow asked, squirming. Hiei glared.

"Quit squirming, you lunatic."

"Why? Does it hurt your groinal area?"

"Yes. Sort of."

"Kurama is making out with Eclipse."

"What!" Hiei turned to look and Shadow pulled her hand out of his grip, grabbing his crotch and causing him to yelp and almost jump up, but he caught himself at the last second and instead began chewing on his lip with his eyes closed, trying to restrain himself.

"HIEI'S BEING FONDLED!" one girl screamed.

"Mari!" the girl's mother snapped.

"Well he is," she replied plainly.

"I protest!" a man cried. "You're the soccer coach! What are you doing? It makes me wonder what you do during practice!"

"Play soccer," Kurama assured him, kicking Shadow.

"Ow, you son of a--"

But the one man's complaint had riled up all the other parents, and Hiei found himself being bombarded with unpleasant shouts, while Shadow fondled him and he tried desperately to control himself.

"Ah, hell," he snarled finally. He grabbed Shadow's hand and held it. "You can do that later, if you want."

"MINOR!" Eclipse reminded.

"SHUT UP!" Shadow shouted. "I wanna fondle him!"

"I'm sure he wants to fondle you, too, in the more upper part of your body, but still... MINOR!"

"Fuck you!" Shadow snapped.

"Fuck Hiei!" Eclipse retorted.

"OKAY!"

"**_NOT OKAY!_**" Kurama and about fifteen angry parents shouted. The redhead picked up Hiei and Shadow and tossed them in the backseat of his car, Eclipse got in the passenger's seat and he got in the driver's seat, hitting the autolock button and digging the key out of his pocket.

"RUN AWAY! FINE! BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!" a few parents shouted. "WE'LL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS!"

"They are aware that what I do _after_ practice isn't their business, right?" Hiei said, righting himself in the seat and fastening his seatbelt like a good little boy.

"They don't care," Kurama said, starting the car and pulling out. "If they think you're raping their daughters, they'll go all the way to the school board about it."

"They don't have any power over me."

"Yeah they do."

"Damn. But I haven't been raping their daughters and hopefully their daughters will tell them that."

"Hopefully. But then they'll complain about what they saw today."

"Today was a once-in-a-blue-moon occurance."

"They don't care."

"Parents are retarded. I'd better never become one." He looked pointedly at Shadow.

"What? I don't want kids either! If I ever have kids, kill them and then punish me."

"I think I should punish you anyways, for putting me on that leash and then embarrassing me with all that crap you said."

"What? About sucking you off? How would you punish me? Would it involve rough sex?"

"See! Did you hear that? _She_ is the one trying to get me out of my pants," Hiei snapped. "I'm not trying to rape a minor! The minor is trying to rape me!"

"I wouldn't rape you, Hiei. Not unless you wanted me to."

"It wouldn't be _rape_ if I _wanted it_."

"But you do. So I can't rape you."

"Even if you did beat him and chain him up and brutally rape him, _he_ would be accused of rape, not you," Kurama said.

"What kind of moron made that law?" Hiei asked.

"A moron," Eclipse replied.

"Obviously."

"Oh, Shadow, I took the liberty of setting up your audition with Tamura-sensei for three thirty, alright?" Kurama told her.

"You did what? Audition? What for?"

"For the play you're going to be the star of with me."

"Wait, but in Romeo and Juliet," Hiei muttered, "isn't Juliet in love with Romeo? And you're playing Romeo?"

"Yeah..." (Heh heh, Kurama as Romeo... Sorry...)

"But..."

"Oh, it doesn't _mean_ anything, Hiei. Lord. It's a play. You watch movies all the time, don't you? Just because we're friends it's not any different."

"Yeah, you'd better _not_ start cheating on me," Eclipse threatened. "If you start cheating on me before we even start dating, our relationship doesn't have a promising future!"

"I'm not going to cheat on you with Shadow," Kurama said. "God. I wouldn't be cheating on you, anyways. Like you said, we're not dating yet."

"Yet! Yet! Did you hear that yet? Hiei? Did you hear it? He said yet! They're planning on dating! Isn't that great?" Shadow said, grabbing Hiei and shaking his shoulders.

"Okay, yeah, I heard it! Good lord... Kill me over it... Psycho..."

"But it's so SWEET! They'll get together and kiss and make out and have sex! Because THEY are _allowed_ to have sex because they're BOTH minors! How much sense does THAT make?"

"Not much, I guess," Hiei agreed.

"Really! They can screw each other silly and Eclipse can have three kids before she's eighteen and it's not against the law, but it's against the law for one person below eighteen and one person above eighteen to have safe, responsible, mad passionate sex and with no side effects of STDs or children. That's so stupid."

"That _is_ stupid!" Hiei agreed, this time with a little feeling.

"We're not going to have sex," Kurama snapped. "We're not even going out!"

"Yeah, but you were _making_ out that one time..."

"No we weren't," Eclipse said with confusion. "I would remember something like that."

"I don't remember things like that," Shadow muttered.

"Well that's because your boyfriend is a boring, average-looking, midgety tall little sad excuse for a man," the other girl accused. "Kurama is much, much more."

Shadow stared. "Hiei isn't a little sad excuse for a man... He's more man than Kurama... Kurama looks like a girl."

"He's not _built_ like a girl, though," Eclipse pointed out.

"Oh, what, cuz he has a dick?"

"Exactly."

"And do you know this for certain?"

Eclipse paused.

"Uh-huh, that's what I _thought!_ Of course, Hiei does. I know that for certain. I had to make sure he wasn't shying away from sex because he harbored a deep secret, like being a girl."

"Yeah, and now you just fondle me for fun," Hiei muttered.

"And it _is_ fun, _isn't it,_ koishi?"

Hiei's cell phone rang precisely at that moment, saving him from answering, though they all knew the answer anyways. "What the hell," he muttered, pulling it out of his pocket and looking at the display. "Who?"

"Just answer it! Your ring annoys me!" Eclipse complained.

"Shadow picked it," he said, flipping open the phone. "Moshi moshi?"

"Jaganshi-san!" came an enraged voice from the other end. "My daughter tells me you cuss all the time!"

Hiei got a puzzled look on his face. "...You felt the need to call me and tell something I already knew?"

"Who is it?" Shadow asked.

"That's not the point!" the enraged voice continued. "She also said you've gone shirtless in front of them!"

"Who is it?" Shadow asked again, more insistantly.

"So?" Hiei replied, waving off his girlfriend. "What is your point?"

"I'm going to the schoolboard about you!"

"What the hell for?"

"You're a bad coach for the team! You conduct yourself inappropriately around impressionable teenage girls!"

"Who is it?" Shadow practically yelled. Hiei clamped his hand over her mouth without even sparing her a glance.

"Look here," he started. "I took my shirt off _once_ at a soccer practice, and nobody protests to my cussing; in fact, your daughter probably cusses more than I do."

"Why you--"

"Now, let's look at this for a minute: If you complain to the schoolboard for my so-called 'inappropriate conduct,' I could get fired."

"That's the point!"

"Shut up and let me continue. If I get fired, there's no telling what kind of hobo they'll put in my place. Last season, that team won almost all their games. If they replace me, you could get some inexperienced piece of shit coach and that team will _suck_. Would you rather your daughter was on a winning team and got glory and recognization but had a coach who cusses a little bit but knows how to win a game, or would you rather your daughter had some hobo as a coach and was on a sucky-ass team that lost every game they had?"

There was silence from the other end.

"That's what I thought," Hiei said.

"I didn't say anything, Jaganshi-san," the man said. Hiei felt Shadow's tongue on his fingers and flinched a bit. Better wrap up this conversation. She was getting ideas.

"I know."

"I'm sorry for bothering you."

"You'd better be. How the hell did you get my cell phone number, anyways?"

"My daughter had it."

Shadow's tongue moved along Hiei's skin, then she pried his hand away enough to open her mouth and start sucking on his middle finger.

"What!" He tugged his finger out of Shadow's mouth and wiped it on her pants, giving her a desperate 'Stop it!' look.

"My daughter gave me your cell phone number," the man on the other line repeated.

"How did she get it!"

"I assumed you gave it to her."

"Why would I give my cell phone number out? Look, once I get off the phone with you, I want you to forget this number and never call it again, can you do that for me?"

"Fine."

"Who's your daughter?"

"Kita Parker."

"Oh! Her! How did she--" Hiei's eyes moved up to the seat in front of him, where Eclipse was shrinking away into nothingness from shame. "Eclipse..."

"Jaganshi-san? I'll be going now. I'm sorry for bothering you. I would appreciate it, however, if I never witnessed another display like that one today with that girl..."

"Sure, fine, I'll pass the word to her. Sayonara." He snapped his phone shut without waiting for a reply. "Eclipse, do you have something you'd like to tell me?"

"Ummm... No..."

"Yes you do. Kita Parker has my cell phone number. How is it that she got my cell phone number?"

"I gave it to her," the girl admitted. "It was a birthday present."

"A... Oh, Eclipse, you are in so much trouble..." Hiei muttered.

"Um... Hey, Kurama, do you think you could take me straight home?" Eclipse asked nervously. "I'd like to keep all my limbs and vital organs attached to my body."

"You can't hide from me forever..." Hiei reminded darkly. "You just wait..."

"Kurama, I wanna go home _right now._"

"I know where you live," the fire demon continued. "I know where you _sleep_. I've been in your _bedroom!_"

"HIEI! You're cheating on me?" Shadow wailed.

"Kurama! Home! Now! Home! Now! Home! Take a left! No! A left! No! Your other left! That way! Yes! Good! Left!" Eclipse was demanding.

"I know where you live!" Kurama snapped. "Stop telling me where to go!"

"Yes ma'am," she whimpered meekly.

"Now you're gonna have to apologize to her," Hiei said. "Drop us off right here. We'll walk home."

"No. Shadow has an audition in a few hours. And plus, Yusuke is still at your house. I think I'd better just go straight to your house." Kurama did a U-turn and returned to the route to Shadow's house. Eclipse screeched.

"YOU'RE TAKING ME TO MY DOOM? SOME FRIEND WITH BENEFITS _YOU_ ARE!"

"Oh, shush. Hiei's not going to kill you, _is_ he?"

"No," Hiei sighed grudgingly.

"I'll make sure of that," Shadow said helpfully. "I could distract him while you smuggle Eclipse across borders."

"I bet you could."

"Oh yes. Yes I could."

They arrived at Shadow's house and Shadow got Hiei out of the car and guided him to the front door, making sure Eclipse stayed a safe distance away. She opened the door and led him inside, into the living room, and both of them stopped dead. Yusuke was sitting there, thankfully clothed, but what he was wearing irked Hiei greatly.

"Hey, Hiei!" Yusuke said. "Y'know, your clothes are a little small, but they're really comfortable. I can see why you used to wear the same thing all the time."

Hiei twitched. "Shadow? He's wearing my clothes."

"I see that, Hiei."

"He's wearing--" He grabbed her shoulders. "--_my clothes_."

"I see that, Hiei."

"_Why_ is he wearing my clothes?"

"At least he's not wearing _mine_," Shadow said. A sudden image of Yusuke in a skirt and tank top popped into Hiei's mind and he squeaked.

"Oh, that's okay, Yusuke! You can keep wearing my clothes."

"You're not wearing his underwear, too, are you?" Shadow asked.

"No," Yusuke said.

"So you're not wearing underwear?" she continued, horrified. "You're wearing Hiei's clothes without _underwear_ on?"

"You can keep those pants, Yusuke," Hiei said. "Consider it a gift for all our years of... friendship... or whatever you want to call it."

"Oh, come on, Hiei," Yusuke said, throwing an arm around the little demon's shoulders. "We're both guys! We're great friends! You've seen me naked! Why be like that?"

"Oh, shut up, Yusuke. If you ever return those pants, I will burn them. So you might as well keep them. Make a pirate flag or something and go sail the seven seas, raping maidens and burning villages..." He ducked out from under the boy's arm and sulked up the stairs.

"What's _his_ problem?"

"You. Your naked ass is in his pants. Besides, you _could_ stick those pants on a pole and make an excellent flag." She followed Hiei upstairs. Kurama and Eclipse walked in the door just then and spotted Yusuke. Both of them cracked up laughing at him in his too-short pants and bare feet.

"Ready for a flood, Yusuke?" Eclipse laughed.

"Shut up. At least I'm not _naked!_" the boy snapped. She stopped laughing instantly.

"Do _what_!"

"Oh yeah, you weren't in here. Shadow burned off all my clothes, isn't that kind of her?"

"Are you wearing Hiei's underwear, too?" Kurama asked, grinning.

"I already went through this once, with _them_! No, I'm not. My naked ass is in his pants, okay? He told me to make a flag out of them and sail the seven seas and rape villages or something wacked up like that..."

"Rape_ maidens_!" came Shadow's voice from upstairs. "Rape _maidens_ and burn villages!"

"Um... O-kay, whatever," Yusuke said. "Point is, he doesn't want them back. But that's okay. They're comfy."

Kurama chuckled. "You're nuts. Go home."

"Why? Are you guys gonna have an orgy without me?"

"If we had an orgy, you wouldn't wanna be here," Shadow called down the stairs.

"SHUT UP! I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU! GO CONSOLE YOUR LOVER!"

"I **AM**!"

"He's not her lover. She's a minor. They can't have sex or it'd be rape," Eclipse told him.

"That's funny," Yusuke chuckled.

"We can have sex as long as _NO ONE FINDS OUT!_" Shadow yelled psychotically. "MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

"PUT A SOCK IT IN!" Eclipse and Yusuke yelled simultaneously.

"MAKE ME! MAYBE WE'LL JUST GO MAKE LOVE _RIGHT NOW_!"

"Would she really?" Yusuke asked.

"Yeah, she would," Eclipse said. "She definitely would."

"We should probably go stop her then, shouldn't we?" Kurama asked.

"Hell no! Where's the video camera?" Yusuke asked. He took off upstairs and flung open Shadow's bedroom door. "You guys-- Hey, where's Hiei?"

"Taking a shower," Shadow replied casually, twirling a few strands of hair around her finger. "Why?"

"But you just said..."

"I haven't said a word since I came up here," she lied.

"You did so! You were doing commentary on our conversation downstairs!"

"I can't even hear you guys down there! I had my door shut and my music's playing! How would I hear you?"

Yusuke moved his mouth soundlessly.

"Out of the way, clothes thief," Hiei snapped from behind him. Yusuke spun and yelped.

"Hiei! You're... scarely clothed..."

"I'm _not_ clothed." All he wore was a big fluffy white towel wrapped firmly around his waist, and even though his hair was wet, it still stood up in its customary gravity defying manner.

"He's wet and sexy," Shadow purred, slipping between Yusuke and Hiei and kissing her boyfriend. "And naked."

"God, Hiei... Put on some clothes!" Yusuke whined. "Shadow's getting ideas..."

Eclipse came hurtling up the stairs. "Hiei's naked?"

"Look at the way she comes flying up here!" Hiei said. "She wants to see me naked! Shadow, I demand this girl is removed from my house."

"It's actually _my_ house, but I suppose if it makes you happy... Eclipse! Beat it!"

"No!"

"Hiei's not gonna put on a show for you. You missed seeing Yusuke naked earlier, and you're not gonna get to see Hiei naked either. Take Kurama home and see _him_ naked."

"Oooh! Okay!" Eclipse turned around and returned downstairs. Yusuke looked from Hiei and Shadow to the stairs and back and forth before finally blocking the doorway to Shadow's bedroom.

"You can't go in there, Hiei. A young virgin girl having an older man in naked in her bedroom is a bad idea. If either of you had been raised up properly, you'd know that."

"We were raised up properly. I'm sure that if we were in Makai, and Hiei and I were in this relationship, I would have jumped on him and raped him a long time ago," Shadow said.

"Raped?" Yusuke asked.

"Yes, raped. I would have got some chains and whips and chained him up to the bed and made sure he fucked me good and senseless, or I'd whip him."

"What if I _wanted_ whipped?" Hiei asked.

"Then I _wouldn't_ have whipped you."

"You're no fun."

"Eww... Are you guys in some kind of sick sadomasochistic relationship?"

"No, Yusuke. I'm not a masochist, to my knowledge, and though I fully enjoy other people's pain, I wouldn't hurt Shadow if my life depended on it."

"Aww, you're such a sweet boyfriend," Yusuke mocked, pinching Hiei's cheek. The little demon pulled away and then clamped his teeth together on Yusuke's finger, hard enough to draw blood.

"Don't touch me, Yusuke."

"Ow..." the boy whimpered, sucking on his finger. Shadow looked from Hiei to Yusuke and screeched.

"That finger was just in Hiei's mouth and now you're sucking on it! I think _you_ have a sick fixation with him too! Everybody wants Hiei!" She grabbed Hiei's shoulders and started sobbing.

"I don't want Hiei!" Yusuke whined. "If I wanted Hiei, I would have shown some sign of it a long time ago. I've _got_ a girlfriend."

"But you **want** a _boyfriend!"_

"No I don't! Hiei is yours to keep! And I suggest you keep him! Nobody else wants him, except maybe Youko..."

"Now that's a lie. If you were gay, you would definitely go after Hiei," Shadow said. She paused. "Or Kurama. But since Kurama's so girly, you could be straight and go after him."

"I wouldn't doubt it's happened," Hiei muttered. He slipped past them both and into Shadow's bedroom, shutting the door so he could dress in private.

"So... If you were gay, Yusuke, which one of your friends would you feel the strongest sexual attraction towards?"

"Wha--? What kind of question is that!"

"One derived purely from innocent childlike curiousity, dear Yusuke. Now ANSWER IT, YOU **BASTARD**!"

The boy stared.

"Would it be Kuwabara, with his pansy girlish attitude and overly emotional disposition and weak, stupid mind? Would it be Kuwabara you would want to screw?"

"No! Gods, no!"

"O-kay... Then how about Kurama? He's a little bit feminine, sure, but he's got to be amazing in bed, with all those years of experience to back him up... He's so strong and lean and sexy... He moves so gracefully... Mmmmm..." She licked her lips. Yusuke stared, moving his mouth wordlessly. "Would it be Kurama?"

The boy shook his head. At that precise moment, Hiei opened Shadow's bedroom door. The girl looked at him.

"Then it'd be Hiei," she said slowly. "Hiei... Nothing but muscle... Cocky, strong... Passionate. Sexy. Sensual... Pity he's **_MINE!_**" She punched Yusuke. "YOU'RE GAY AND YOU'RE LUSTING AFTER _MY_ BOYFRIEND! _MINE!_ YOU SICK, SICK LITTLE PERVERT! YOU'RE EVEN WEARING HIS CLOTHES! YOU STRIVE TO BE EXACTLY LIKE HIM! YOU'RE SICK! HIEI! YUSUKE'S STALKING YOU AND LUSTING AFTER YOUR HOT SEXY MUSCULAR BODY!" She clung to Hiei protectively.

"That's okay," Hiei said after a minute. "If he comes near me like that, I'll rip off his balls."

"I don't want anything to do with you!" Yusuke finally snapped. "None of you! And I don't want to fuck Hiei! Or any guy for that matter!" He spun around and stomped away.

"No, no, you just wanted to _watch_ Hiei. Watch him screw me! You wanted to film it so you could watch it whenever you wanted and--Oops!" She dodged Yusuke's punch.

"Hey!" Hiei snapped, striding towards them. Before he could reach them, however, the door to the weasels' room burst open and a single white weasel darted out and stood in front of him. He froze, then stepped back.

"Shadow?"

Shadow leapt straight up and clung to the ceiling like a fly. She scurried over and dropped down in front of Hiei, landing on one knee with one hand on the floor, looking ready to lunge at the next thing that moved.

However, Daisy had no plans to be lunged upon. She darted towards Shadow, then feinted and went around her, up Hiei's leg, chest, shoulder, and into his hair. Hiei clenched his fist furiously, grabbed the white weasel out of his hair, and flung it back into the room with the rest of the weasels. He briefly saw Norman the blue weasel step forward and a few normal-colored weasels grabbed Daisy and dragged her away, squirming and yowling.

"Good lord," he muttered, shutting the door and glancing at Shadow, who was now chewing on her fingernail. "Your weasels are like some kind of highly organized military operation. What are they gonna do with her?"

"Solitary confinement for a day or two should do it," the girl answered. "My weasels aren't cruel. Norman is no Hitler." (I just got an image of Norman, in his t-shirt and sunglasses, with a little Hitler mustache, up on a raised platform with lines and lines of soldier weasels doing the 'Hail Hitler!' salute to him)

"Hitler?"

"You don't know who Hitler is? I'd think if you wanted to pick one weak-minded ningen to learn about, it'd be Hitler... He wanted to take over the world, Hiei!"

The little demon quirked an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah, but apparently he was really a total lunatic and raped his neice or cousin or something, or married her and had kids or something like that... And I think he killed himself in the end, so it doesn't really matter what he did when he was alive..."

"Why would I want to learn about a nutjob suicidal incestial rapist creep?"

"He was German."

"So? That makes it any better?"

"Yeah. Sure. The guy who invented television was German. His name was... Nipkow or Novkip or something like that..."

"And I care about him any more?"

"You like television, don't you?"

"Like? I don't know if that's the right word... I'd much rather massacre a couple dozen ugly stupid demons... But since there aren't very many massacre-worthy demons here, and I'm not allowed to kill puny ningens, yeah, I guess television is a good enough distraction..."

"A distraction, eh?" She smiled, walking closer to him. "Like me?"

"Hey, whoa, if you guys are gonna be all mushy touchy kissy--" Yusuke started, but they ignored him.

"Yeah, I guess, kinda like you," Hiei said, allowing her to back him against the wall. "But you're far better than any television could ever hope to be."

"Oh yeah?" She put her hands on the wall on either side of his head, leaning closer. Hiei put his hands on her hips. "Yusuke's watching us," she said in the same seductive voice she'd been using for the past few minutes.

"I don't care," Hiei replied quietly.

"Alrighty then." She closed the very small distance between them and pressed her lips against his.

"Hey, um, guys?"

Shadow, without even faltering in her kiss, flipped him off.

"Do you really have to do that?"

"Oh, for the love of God, if you don't like watching it, DON'T!" Kurama snapped from downstairs.

"Shut up, fox!" Yusuke snapped.

"That's what I thought," the boy muttered downstairs. Yusuke returned his attention to the couple, only to find they were no longer there. In the two seconds he'd not been looking at them, they'd moved from the wall to... Somewhere else... where else was yet to be determined...

He walked down the hall and peered into Shadow's room. Uh-huh. There they were, on Shadow's bed. As he'd expected the entire time. They weren't kissing anymore, though.

He stopped in the doorway, watching Shadow remove Hiei's shirt.

"He was naked a few minutes ago. You could have pinned him then and saved the trouble of removing clothes," he pointed out.

"Fuck off, Yusuke," Hiei snapped.

"No way. She's taking off your clothes. This--"

"AH HA! So you really secretly do want to see Hiei naked! You want to jump him in a dark alleyway and rape him!"

Hiei shuddered underneath her. "If you're gonna rape me, please choose a more appealing place. There's all kinds of disgusting things in dark alleyways. If I don't get an STD from you, I'd probably get one from lying on the ground."

"Naked," Shadow felt the need to add.

"I'M NOT GONNA RAPE YOU! JEEZ! THAT'S GROSS!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot, you're a homophobic asshole!" Shadow snapped. "Homophobe! It's okay for Hiei to see you naked but it's not okay to rape him?"

"What?" the two guys said in unison, totally clueless as to the significance of her last statement.

"Nothing. Jeez. Now if you'll pardon me, I've got some fondling and torture to catch up on, so I'd be much obliged if you'd leave."

"Fondling and torture?" Hiei asked. "Are you sure you should really do that with them in the house?"

"You're just trying to delay the inevitable so maybe you can get my pants off when I finally do fondle you."

"I don't want to get your pants off!" Hiei snapped. "How many times have I told you that!"

"You don't want... Fine... I understand..." She sniffled, getting up. "I'll just go molest Youko... He wants to get my pants off..."

"Shadow, that's not what I meant and you know it!" Hiei snapped. "And if I ever find out Youko saw you with your pants off, I'll kill him."

"He's seen me in a bikini, does that count?"

"So have I," Yusuke offered.

"I know, so have I," Hiei said. "Point is, Shadow..." He grabbed her and pulled her back down on top of him. "You have no idea how much I would like to have sex with you, but the time is not right."

"What are you waiting for? The next full moon?" Yusuke asked.

"Maybe I'm just waiting for you to leave!" Hiei snapped. "Gods, you're annoying."

"Fine. Asshole." But he didn't leave.

Shadow nuzzled her boyfriend's neck. "I wuv you, Hiei." Then, in a lower voice, "Let's act really gross."

"I love you too," Hiei replied, then murmured, "Such as?"

"Follow my lead." She began kissing him, very, very lustfully, her hands moving frantically, grasping at his skin, her hips pressing against his. Hiei moaned, mimicking her actions, tugging her shirt off over her head.

Yusuke stared in utter... well, who knows what. Confusion at them suddenly being so intimate right in front of him. Horror at the suddenly being so intimate in front of him. Horror because this seemed to be going a little bit farther than kissing and touching. Finally, even though he did find something appealing about this, he tried to stop them.

"Guys? Hey! Guys! Stop it! STOP IT! HEL-**_LO_**!"

Kurama had been on his way upstairs, curious as to the quiet from Yusuke, and at this he sped up and reached the doorway quickly. His jaw dropped, and just like that, Youko Kurama was standing there.

"Oh, wow..."

Upon hearing his voice, Shadow let out a screech and flung herself away from Hiei, rolling right off the bed. Hiei lay there panting.

"Oh, this won't do at all," Youko muttered. "You guys can't just stop like that! Just when it was getting good!"

"Young man! Such perverted thoughts will get you no where but Hell!" Shadow shouted, standing up and somehow wearing a nun's habit (probably because it was one of the least revealing pieces of clothing that popped into her mind when she realized Youko had just seen her on top of Hiei with no shirt on).

Yusuke was staring at them, his face red. Youko looked utterly disappointed. Hiei was still lying on the bed, his breathing returned to normal, but he continued staring up at the ceiling. Shadow sighed and removed the nun's habit. The fox looked hopeful for a minute, but she was wearing a pair of short shorts and a t-shirt under it. He sighed and went back to looking disappointed.

"You don't look well, Hiei," he noted, walking into the room and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Something wrong?"

"Nothing of _your_ concern. Now leave, I need to talk to Shadow."

Youko stared for a minute. "Let's see. You two were just making out rather passionately, touching and groping and stroking all over each other, both of you shirtless, and suddenly you need to talk to Shadow? Wouldn't have something to do with... Mr. Happy, would it?"

"Oh, shove it, Youko," Shadow snapped.

"Where would you like it?"

Hiei sat bolt upright, snarling like a rabid dog. "**Leave**, fox."

"Good lord... Pissy today, aren't we? Come on, Yusuke. I guess I'll go pick on Shuuichi's _friend with benefits_... Stupid ningen..." He slammed the door behind him.

"What is it, Hiei?" Shadow asked.

"It was very difficult for me to restrain myself during that little display," he admitted. His girlfriend smiled, straddling him.

"Don't bother controlling yourself, koishii. I don't mind if you get a hard on. I'll even suck you off if you want."

"WHOA!" The door burst open. "You're gonna suck him off? Can I watch?"

Boom. Two irate fire demons launched off the bed and tackled Youko, knocking him backwards into Yusuke and sending them both toppling to the floor. The fox's fall was cushioned by Yusuke's body, but Yusuke hit the floor with a couple hundred pounds on top of him, and had all the air knocked out of his lungs.

"Ooh. This is a very awkward position for me," Youko said. "Usually I'm on top, but if--"

"Death to you," Shadow snarled, getting right up in his face.

"HOLY SHIT!" Eclipse cried, standing at the top of the stairs. "An orgy! Don't you typically do that in a bed?"

Youko smirked. "Yes." He pulled Hiei against him. "But when you've got a couple passionate, horny fire demons after you, you've got do it whereever they choose."

"You really _are_ gay," Hiei said with disbelief.

"I'm not gay, Hiei, I'm just playing."

"Yeah, with my nipples... Let go of me, you creep." (sorry, couldn't resist...)

"Don't worry," Shadow said, embracing Hiei as he stood up. "You've still got Yusuke there. He doesn't seem to be resisting."

"He's unconscious," Eclipse said, poking the black-haired boy.

"Really?" Youko said. He sat up and looked at the boy behind him. "Wow. He is. Must've had an overload from all this sexual stuff that's been going on in the last few minutes."

"Actually, I think having a couple hundred pounds of demon fall on him might have had something to do with it, but I could be wrong," Hiei said off-handedly.

"Oh, go shove something up your ass," Youko snapped.

"Why don't _you?_ You'd probably enjoy it more than I would anyways!"

"Yeah, probably, because you've always got a stick up your ass _anyway!_"

"He does not!" Shadow protested. "I'd know about it if he did!"

"It's a figure of speech."

"Oh."

* * *

I know I'll probably get bitched at for the 'I'm just playing' thing there in that last bit... **I know Youko isn't gay. **But I've taken a strong liking to shounen-ai etc. and I just like to tease you all. **XD** Don't worry, Kurama's not gonna suddenly realize he loves Hiei and jump on him and make mad passionate love to him, only to have Shadow walk in on them and then kill them both... My stories continue to keep all the main characters in straight couples... If I want a bunch of gays in my stories, I'll introduce OCs... But I don't really think the addition of gay couples will particularly improve the story by any great leaps and bounds...  
Now... Love me, love my story, and love Sesshoumaru. Because he visited me in a dream last night. Cuz I had been worshipping him before I went downstairs to watch Inuyasha and found it was in SPANISH. **WHY WAS INUYASHA BROADCAST IN SPANISH LAST NIGHT?  
**Anyways... Love Sesshoumaru. Love me. Love my story.  
Oh! **Read hColleen's new story "Dark Thoughts." **I think it's on my favorites... If you think Karasu's a freak in MY story, go read him IN CHARACTER! It's Karasu's POV of the Dark Tournament... sulking around staring at Kurama's... erm...blood.Freak. XD But that's why I love him. 


	25. Audition

**(6-24-05) Look kids! I'm updating less than a week after my last update! Because I'm so happy! My review count jumped from 698 to 757 from Sunday night to Friday (today)evening.** That's excellent. Of course, I didn't get nearly 60 reviews on just this chapter... My dear friend Eclipse FINALLY decided to review my story, and she reviewed every chapter... So I come back from my dad's house to find 84 emails waiting for me. Most of them review/update alerts.

**A note to my more... squeamish readers:** Sorry about the groping thing in the last chapter... XD I figured I'd get complaints on that, but I forgot to warn you. I will warn you on this chapter. There is some stuff in here you'll probably complain about. But, I'm gonna up the rating, just to cover my own ass. Heh heh... yeah...  
Anyways, so I apologize for the way Shadow's been acting. But it's not all my fault. I told you a long time ago that she's been writing most of this story, not me.

**But, just to warn you, there is more stuff in here some of you will probably object to.** Not quite like last chapter, cuz I mean this is all for humor... That thing last chapter was not for humorous purposes... That was for... uh... tormenting Hiei... and to test how much tolerance I hadfor writing that stuff.

**Oh, and I'm proud to announce a short appearance by a character from "Work Sucks"... This is the only chapter he's in... But he's in it and that's all that matters. Read to find out who. I bet you can't handle the suspense.**

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE  
**Audition

A few hours later, after Youko had been successfully suppressed, Kurama, Shadow, and Hiei arrived at the high school auditorium for Shadow's audition.

"Now, this is serious, Shadow. I know you're really going to be tempted to act stupid, but... Please don't."

"I won't."

"You promise?"

"I swear."

"On...?"

"On... Karasu's life."

"That's not valid."

"Fine then. I swear on your life."

"That's not valid either."

"Why not!"

"Swear on Hiei's or your life."

"Fine, you asshole. But if it's forced, it doesn't mean anything. I swear on my life that I will not act like a jackass and totally flug up any hopes of putting on this freaky Spanish guy's play."

Kurama didn't bother commenting as he led her up to where Tamura-sensei was waiting on stage.

"Shuuichi, you have the lines memorized, correct?" the woman asked.

"Naturally... The play is in two weeks."

"My birthday's in two weeks, then, too!" Shadow said happily.

"Would you like the script, Jaganshi-san?" Tamura asked. Shadow took the offered papers and skimmed through them.

"Nope, this is the same as the one I memorized. I could do a Shakespearean monologue." She started spouting off lines in a projected theatrical voice, dancing around the stage and facing different directions as she altered her voice for each character. Kurama sighed.

"I'm sorry, Tamura-sensei... I told her to behave." He couldn't say 'She's not normally like this,' since she was normally some number of times_ worse_ than this.

"No, this is excellent!" Tamura said excitedly. Shadow stopped suddenly, tripping and falling on her face.

"You mean you actually thought _that_ was good!" She got up, grinning. "Then my _real_ acting will blow you away."

Hiei settled into a seat in the front row as Tamura instructed, "Okay, why don't you do the balcony scene!"

Though the words made next to no sense to Hiei, seeing Shadow act was a bit unnerving. Both her and Kurama were very good at it, and it was like he was _really_ watching a yearning young couple speaking gibberish on a balcony.

When they finished with their particular scene, Tamura-sensei let out an ecstatic scream.

"She's wonderful! Absolutely wonderful!" She ran over to Shadow and hugged her, then hugged Kurama. "Our production will go on as scheduled! Thank you, so, so much! Oh, excuse me! I have to go notify everyone! Are you available tonight? We could call a special rehearsal to meet our new cast member!"

"We're available," Kurama said shakily, a bit overwhelmed by her complete ecstacy over such a simple thing as Shadow Jaganshi. Though he had to admit, she'd done an excellent job.

"Six o'clock? We could order pizza and have a party!"

Shadow was standing there, her face expressionless, blinking occasionally as Tamura rushed around excitedly.

"Um... sounds good..." Kurama managed.

"**Great!** Excellent! Wait until they hear about this! Ohhh, they'll be so happy!" She rushed off. The trio stood there for a moment, complete silence settling over the auditorium. Finally, Shadow broke it.

"I _told_ you she'd be blown away, didn't I?"

Kurama nodded. "Yes, you did, Shadow."

Hiei hopped up onto the stage and looked at the two for a minute before stating, "That was really weird."

"I told you already, Hiei, that just because we're friends doesn't make this any different than any other--"

"I heard you the first time you said it, fox. Point is: you, Shadow, are a _really_ good actress."

"Why thank you, koishii. It came in handy in Makai."

"And you're good too, Kurama."

"Thank you for remembering I exist," the redhead muttered.

"Oh, shut up. I spent the last few hours being harassed by your stupid alter identity." He looked at them both. "It's weird to see you guys acting so emotional towards each other."

"Key word: 'acting.'"

"I couldn't understand barely a word you said, though. Do I have to, to understand the play?"

"No," Kurama said. "Not really."

"Overview: Romeo and Juliet love each other, but they can't be together because her family hates his and his hates hers, so they have this like, secret love affair thing going on, and when something happens and they can't be together, they kill themselves. The end," Shadow summarized.

"Or something like that," the redhead added.

"Secret love affair?" Hiei questioned.

"We'll have to kiss a few times, I think. That's it, koishii," the girl murmured, hugging Hiei. "Don't feel so bad..."

"I don't feel bad."

"Oh, yes you do, it's written all over your highly expressive and adorable face." She kissed his cheek. "Don't worry. You know I'll always love you."

"I know."

"Good. Because if you didn't know that, I'd have to beat it into your head."

"Ahem!" Kurama snapped, clearing his throat rather unsubtly. "Save the mushy crap for the bedroom."

"You're such a spoilsport, Kurama. Can we do it in the back of your car as you drive us home?" Shadow asked.

"**No.**"

"You're no fun."

"Oh, I'm sure he's plenty of fun," Hiei said. "Just not with us."

"Yeah, because he's subconsciously still holding a grudge 'cause you got to me before Youko..."

"I'm sure that's exactly it," the fire demon agreed sarcastically. Kurama rolled his eyes.

"Believe me, Shadow, I think you're a lot better off with Hiei then you would be with Youko Kurama."

"Oh, I know I am," she said. "Youko doesn't think that, though. I could give Eclipse lessons on the pleasure points of a man's body, and she could pleasure Youko so he changes his mind."

"I'm not letting Eclipse anywhere _near_ Youko."

"Why not? He needs laid."

"We're not going to go there."

"Do you know how difficult it must be for him?" the girl persisted as Kurama left the stage and headed for the exit. "He used to have sex nearly every night, and now he's gone seventeen--nearly _eighteen_--years without! Do you know how difficult that is, for him to see me in a bikini and see me making out with Hiei and hear about sex and pleasure and he can't even _touch himself?_"

"O**KAY** Shadow, I get the idea! But I'm not going to have sex with Eclipse just for _him_!"

"Then have sex with Hiei!"

"I'm not going to have sex with Hiei! Or you!"

"Let _Youko_ have sex with Hiei!"

"I love the way you whore me off," Hiei muttered. Shadow kissed his cheek.

"I would never whore you off. You know you'd like it."

"You know, I do consider you my mate, and since I have a mate, I'm technically not permitted to go screw around with anyone else. Especially not Youko Kurama."

"Why _especially_ not Youko?"

"Because he's gross."

"But he's sexy."

"He's got to be a living STD."

"Youko doesn't have STDs," Kurama said.

"He's still gross."

"I think he's hot," Shadow reminded casually.

"He can be gross and attractive at the same time, but it doesn't change the fact that he's gross."

"You just said he was attractive! You think he's hot!"

"I said he's attractive, not that I'm attracted _to_ him."

"Uh-huh... Whatever, Hiei..."

Kurama put up with this all the way back to Shadow's house, where, upon arrival, he went to his room and sealed himself inside, refusing to acknowledge the couple's existence until he had to take Shadow to the cast party later that evening.

They hadn't been home long before the phone rang. Agitatedly, Hiei reached to Shadow's bedside and picked up her portable phone. Hitting the 'on' button, he grumpily answered. A voice he thought was somewhat familiar replied on the other end.

"Moshi moshi... Jaganshi-sensei?"

"Hai... Who am I speaking to?"

"This is Tashiro Igarashi, from Mieou High."

"Oh. Can I help you?"

Shadow glanced over her shoulder at him, but he wasn't paying attention to her. She went back to her video games, but adjusted the volume so she could try to listen to the conversation better.

"Yes. I was told I could find Shuuichi Minamino at your house?"

"Yeah, he's here."

"And Shadow?"

"Yes."

Shadow had heard her name, and was now on full alert.

"Well, I was wondering... I know Shadow would be willing, but... Well, do you know about our talent show?"

"No."

"Well, every year we have a talent show near the end of the year. Would you and Shuuichi be interested in hosting it? Shadow, too, of course."

"I know Shadow would..." He covered up the receiver. "Koi, go fetch the fox."

"Who is it and what are you talking about me for?"

"I'll tell you in a minute. Go get the fox."

Shadow sighed and paused her game, getting up and doing some sort of odd skippy walking dance out of the room and down the hall.

"Hold on. She went to get Shuuichi," Hiei told Tashiro. "I'll talk to them."

"Alright."

Kurama was dragged into the room a minute later.

"Now tell me," Shadow demanded.

"It's Tashiro Igarashi, vice principal from school. He's wondering if we'd like to host the talent show this year."

"YES!" Shadow said, jumping up and down waving around her arms. "OH! YES! ME! ME!"

"I told you she'd agree," Hiei muttered into the phone. Tashiro was laughing.

"I don't know about me..." Kurama muttered.

"You're doing it," Shadow commanded. "You too, Hiei. I demand it."

"Well, apparently I'm doing it..." the fire demon told Tashiro.

"Minamino?" Shadow said in the same commanding voice, hands on her hips.

"How will I benefit?"

"You'll get the pleasure of hearing hundreds of girls scream your name from the audience. The school will make a shitload of money when the girls find out you're hosting it! And when the guys find out I'm hosting it! I bet the entire school will go because we're sexy!"

Kurama couldn't help but laugh at that. It was probably true. The talent show was performed in the evening, after school hours, and there was a small fee. He was sure the majority of the girls would pay that to see him up on stage and hear his voice.

"What exactly will it entail?" the fox asked.

"What's he gonna have to do?" Hiei paraphrased.

"Well, you'll have cards to read the different acts and people from... The hosts only need to be at a couple practices... Unless you want to sign up an act? We've still room for a few more."

"YES!" came Shadow's voice over the phone. Hiei flinched.

"Shadow, get off the phone."

"I wanna sign up an act! I wanna sign up an act!"

"Well... What would you like to do?" Tashiro asked.

"I don't know. I'll think about that."

"You? Think? It's the apocolypse," Hiei taunted.

"Shut up or I'll bite off your ear!"

"Through the phone?"

"Yes!"

Tashiro cleared his throat. Hiei silenced instantly. "Yes?"

"Will Shuuichi agree?"

"You gonna do it, fox?" Hiei asked.

"Once you tell me what he told you I'll have to do."

"We have to go to a few practices and read some cards. You wanna sign up an act?"

"**No.** But I guess I'll host it..."

"He'll do it," Hiei said into the phone.

"Excellent. Now, there was another matter I wanted to discuss with him and Shadow and also... Eclipse Shinomori, whom I believe is also a friend of yours?"

"I suppose you could say that."

"I'll talk to them Monday morning. Tell them that if they could please come to my office when they arrive at school on Monday, I would appreciate it."

"I'll tell them."

"And make sure Shadow gets back to me about her act in the talent show. It'd be best if I knew what it was on Monday as well, so we can get everything set."

"Okay."

"Your first talent show practice will be on Wednesday."

"All right."

"Thank you for your time."

"No problem."

"Sayonara."

"Sayonara."

Hiei hung up and looked at Kurama. "He wants you, Shadow, and Eclipse to go to his office first thing Monday morning, and our first practice for the talent show will be Wednesday. Are you sure you don't want to sign up an act? 'Shuuichi Minamino on gardening techniques' or 'I can grow flowers better than you!'"

"Shut up," Kurama said without any real force in his voice. Shadow appeared in the doorway.

"Eclipse is gonna sign up and act with me and guess who else is!"

"Who?" Hiei asked half-heartedly.

"You!"

"Am not!"

"Yeah you are! We're gonna do that sword fighty demonstration thingy your classes keep asking for!"

"No we aren't."

"Yes we are. You can't argue with me. You love me."

"I may love you, but that doesn't stop me from arguing. It's not like you're my God."

"No, I'm your lord and master."

"Yeah, whatever."

"If you don't agree, I'll chain you up and abstain from touching you until you agree."

"Yeah, I bet you will."

Shadow jumped on him and next thing he knew, his wrists were chained to the bed. He yelped.

"Kurama! Help me! I'm chained to the bed!"

"That sounds like a personal problem to me," the fox answered, leaving the room.

"He's gone!" Shadow said, doing a spin kick to shut the door behind him. She lunged from the door to the bed, landing on her hands and knees above Hiei.

"Um..."

"Can I rape you, Hiei?"

His eyes widened. "I'd really rather you didn't."

"Can I sexually molest you, Hiei?"

"I'd really rather you didn't right now..."

"Can I fondle you?"

"Wouldn't that fit in the sexual molestation category?"

"Uh... I dunno. Would it?" She sat back, straddling his hips.

"Shadow, could you please take these handcuffs off?"

"No. I kinda like seeing you chained up."

"That's nice. Unchain me or I break them."

"You break 'em, you buy 'em."

"Shadow! Take them off!"

"Nope."

"KURAMA! KURAMA, I KNOW YOU'RE STILL OUT THERE! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE! SHE'S GONNA RAPE ME!"

"That's not my problem, Hiei!" Kurama called through the door.

"SEE! YOU ARE OUT THERE! SHE'S GOING TO RAPE ME!"

"AND YOU'LL LIKE IT! NOW STOP WHINING!" Eclipse shouted.

"YOU--Mmph!"

Shadow muffled his yells with a kiss, her hands slipping up his shirt.

"I think the silence is bad," Kurama muttered to Eclipse outside the door.

"Me too. Should we check?"

"In a minute."

Exactly 60 seconds later, Kurama eased open the door and peeked inside. The sight that greeted him caused him the jump back with surprise. A red eye was staring right back at him from the tiny space.

Shadow cracked up laughing and opened the door the rest of the way.

"Poor fox! You thought you'd catch us screwing!" She pointed to Hiei. "I kissed him, then gagged him."

The poor little demon was still chained to the bed, only now he had the addition of a cloth gag in his mouth.

"Oh, that's really a little excessive," Eclipse muttered. "I mean, I understand that you fantasize about chaining him to your bed naked and screwing him senseless, but you could at least take off the poor guy's shirt... He's got to feel jipped..."

Shadow walked over to Hiei and looked at him. "Well I'd have to unchain him to get it off..."

"Rip it," Kurama suggested.

"I'm not strong enough to do that!"

"Uh-huh... Try."

Shadow did try. She grabbed a handful of Hiei's shirt and pulled an tugged and tugged and pulled, but it wouldn't rip. Kurama sighed, grabbed the shirt, and tore it off Hiei's body.

Though muffled, Hiei's exclaimation was still comprehensible.

"HOLY SHIT!" He started struggling against the chains.

Shadow pulled the gag out of his mouth.

"What was that?"

"I can put up with _you_ ripping off my shirt, but when Kurama starts tearing off my clothes, I'm a little worried!"

"Oh, you know you liked it," Eclipse taunted.

Shadow straddled Hiei to stop him from struggling further and began kissing and licking his chest. Eventually, once the little demon had relaxed (er... yeah), Kurama cleared his throat. The black-haired girl glanced at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want a go?" she asked.

"Shadow...!" Hiei whined pathetically.

"Oh, Hiei... You know I'd never let Kurama sexually molest you..." She kissed his lips gently.

"Right, that's why you were just standing there staring that time Youko was touching my bare chest..."

"That was funny..."

"Right, whatever..."

"Kuwabara has touched your butt before."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah! You know. All those times you passed out cuz of the Kokuryuu ha, he was the one who carried you around afterwards. He's touched your butt... and your legs... your back..."

Hiei was sent into a violent fit of shudders.

"Probably your chest... If he was ever alone with you, he probably would have tried kissing you while you slept--"

"**SHADOW, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY, SHUT UP!**"

"I don't love God or anything holy, unless it's me we're talking about."

"Yes! Yes, it's you, you're God and we love you so you have to stop talking about me being molested by that OAF!"

"What about Kuwabara molesting people?"

"HOLY SHIT!" Hiei yelped as Yusuke and none other than Kuwabara appeared in the doorway.

"JESUS CHRIST! Hiei's chained to the bed!"

"Kurama ripped off his shirt," Shadow informed them.

"Holy Hell, Kurama! I never knew you swung that way!"

"Yusuke...!"

"Hiei is very horny right now," the girl continued.

"Oh yeah?"

"No I'm not!"

"Oh yeah," Shadow repeated. "Very, very horny. He was just thinking of Kuwabara touching him."

Kuwabara let out a girly shriek and passed out, while Hiei curled up into a little ball to try to shield his half nakedness. Shadow chuckled and draped herself over him.

"I'm sorry, koishii," she murmured, kissing his cheek. He turned his head away.

"Unchain me right now."

"You made him mad," Yusuke noted intelligently. Shadow obediently unlocked the cuffs and Hiei turned to glare at her.

"I'm sorry," she said pathetically.

"Get off me."

"Don't be mad."

"I'm mad. Get up."

She obeyed and he got up and stalked out of the room. The girl took off after him, flinging herself down and grabbing his pants leg.

"I'm sorry, Hiei! I'm really really sorry! I'll never chain you up again and have Kurama tear off your shirt while insinuating that Kuwabara lusts after your unconscious half naked body! I won't! I promise!"

"Let go."

"Wow. She really pissed him off," Kurama observed as Shadow sat there and watched Hiei stalk away and go upstairs. They watched her for a moment as she sat perfectly still, then she let out a wail and was hugging and crying all over Kurama.

"HE HATES ME! MY BELOVED HIEI HATES ME NOW! I NEVER SHOULD HAVE DONE WHAT I DID! I'M SO SORRY!"

"Let go of my fox, you freak!" Eclipse snapped. Shadow moved to Yusuke and threw her arms around him.

"Hey! I've got a girlfriend too!"

"But she's not here," Shadow reminded.

"Oh yeah."

"Besides, you know you like it." She began sobbing and crying on his shoulder. Kurama sighed.

"Be ready to go by five thirty," he told her.

"Okay," she sobbed.

He returned to his bedroom with Eclipse and shut the door. Shadow stepped back, looking hatefully at the door.

"Wonder what _they're_ gonna do?"

"Who knows?"

"I do!" She darted into her room and came out a minute later with a small monitor screen with color and a very clear picture.

"Pity there's no audio in the portable version," she muttered, sitting down and tuning it. Yusuke sat next to her, peering over her shoulder.

"Holy shit!"

A clear color picture of Kurama's bedroom appeared on the screen. The pair of troublemakers spent the next half hour watching Kurama and Eclipse cuddle, snickering occasionally when they kissed.

"So they're not dating yet?"

"Nah," Shadow said.

A looming shadow made Shadow (ha ha! shadow made Shadow... ...ahem...) and Yusuke look up. Hiei was standing over them looking down at the screen.

"_What_ are you doing?"

Shadow's lower lip trembled and she pushed the screen into Yusuke's hands before throwing her arms around Hiei's leg and sobbing against the fabric of his jeans.

"I'm sorry! Will you ever forgive me!"

Hiei pried her off his leg and knelt in front of her. She looked at him pathetically with wide watery eyes and a trembling lip. "I forgive you."

"YAY!" She flung her arms around him, knocking him onto his back on the floor.

"You know why, right?" Yusuke asked. He continued before they answered. "Because he was totally turned on by being chained half naked to the bed and now that he went and jacked off a few times thinking about it, he can forgive you."

"Yusuke! Hiei's not like that!" Shadow said indignantly.

"Really, Yusuke. I don't jack off. You might, but I can go without."

"Right, whatever... I bet a black light test in your bedroom would say otherwise."

"I bet it wouldn't," Shadow retorted. "I've done it before. I couldn't find anything that would possibly be semen."

"Then he does it in the bathroom!"

"Checked there, too," the girl replied. "I also checked my bedroom, several of the empty rooms, all the other bathrooms, Kurama's bedroom--but even if there had been stuff on the bed, it could have been Kurama--and a wide variety of other rooms. Not a single room failed the 'has Hiei jacked off here' test."

"Your respect for me is astounding," Hiei muttered.

"But then again... I have no way of knowing when he did and didn't have sex at Mukuro's..."

"Your trust is astounding too," the fire demon growled, sounding a bit more annoyed.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I believe you when you say you haven't had sex since you started loving me! I believe you with every FIBER OF MY HEART!"

"You don't have a heart."

"Excellent point."

Hiei rolled his eyes. Shadow sat up, pulling her boyfriend into a sitting position and drawings his lips to hers. Yusuke watched with rapt attention, the monitor for Kurama's bedroom forgotten. The girl's legs were securely wrapped around Hiei's waist, and he slowly stood, not breaking the kiss as he carried his girlfriend into their bedroom and laid her on the bed. The brown-eyed boy followed, his wide eyes not leaving the show before him.

Something shiny caught Hiei's eye. He pulled back and grabbed Shadow's wrists suddenly, pulling them above her head and locking them in the handcuffs still hanging from the top of the bed. She yelped, looking up at her bound hands, then down at Hiei, who now sat straddling her on the bed, looking at her thoughtfully.

"You look... Predatory," Yusuke noted.

"He's gonna eat me," Shadow whined. The teen boy cracked up laughing. Hiei rolled his eyes.

"What should I do with you?" he questioned.

"Tear off all my clothes and fuck me senseless while Yusuke video tapes it all."

"It sounded good up to the part with Yusuke."

"Okay, then we can set up the camera on a tripod and tape it."

"Why would you want to?"

"Oh, come on. Who wouldn't want a tape of their first sexual encounter with the man they love?"

"Me," Kurama said from the doorway.

"You love a MAN?" Shadow shrieked. "Hiei! I'm sorry I let him tear off your shirt! He _is_ gay!"

"Gods! Eclipse! You have bad taste in men!" Yusuke taunted. "He looks like a girl and he's gay!"

"I'm not gay," Kurama said.

"Maybe he's a girl," Shadow whispered.

"Eclipse! You have HORRIBLE taste in men! He's a **_woman!_**" the black-haired boy continued.

"I am not!" Kurama complained.

"Prove it!" Shadow snapped. The redhead stared at her for a second, then grabbed his belt buckle, moving as if to remove it.

"Do you really want me to?"

"Not like that! Eclipse! Grab his crotch and make sure he has balls! Fondle him while you're at it!"

"I'm not fondling him! What if he really is a girl?"

"Fine! Hiei, unchain me. I have to go molest the fox."

"I'm not going to unchain you, let you get away from my torment, that easily."

"Fine then. Yusuke! You prove he's a guy!"

"No!"

"Hiei?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Youko touched your nipples."

"So what? I didn't _ask_ him to!"

"Well he's touched you, so you can touch him."

"That's not Youko and I don't _want_ to touch him."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not gay!"

"But he's a girl!"

"Who says?"

Shadow sighed. "Please unchain me? I swear to God I will willingly return to your bindings once I've satisfactorily groped Kurama, alright?"

Hiei paused, looking at her thoughtfully, before reaching up and unchaining her wrists. "Go for it."

"You're such a sweet guy, letting me grope your best friend," Shadow said, kissing him. She got up and went to Kurama. Eclipse stepped back as if standing near her friends while they were groping and or being groped would give her an STD.

"Okay fox, time to determine your sexuality once and for all," the fire girl said, putting on hand on his shoulder and pushing him up against the wall. He let out a little whimper. She kept her eyes locked with his, grinning evilly. When her wandering hand reached its destination, he gasped a bit while she grinned wider and announced, "Yep, he's a guy."

"So glad we settled this," Kurama muttered. "Now would you please stop fondling me?"

She pressed herself against him, her hands on his hips, "But I can't fondle Hiei, he won't let me! He wants to chain me up and torture me and make me beg!"

"Damn straight," Hiei retorted, coming up behind her and pressing himself against her back. She yipped.

"Hey! Threesome!" Yusuke exclaimed excitedly.

"Yes! I get the attractive sexy demons who know all about pleasure and sex, and Eclipse is left with the mediocre and ugly non-demons who are both still virgins and know no more about sexual pleasure than what they see from porn." She began grining her hips against Kurama's.

"OKAY! Stop it! That's a little bit much," the fox said.

"Why?" she asked, leaning up and kissing his neck. "You gonna chicken out?"

"Peer pressure! Help! Hiei! You're letting your girlfriend molest me!"

"Yeah," the little demon said distractedly.

"Don't blame me if Youko--mmph!"

Shadow pulled him down and pressed her lips against his. The second she stepped back, POOSH! Youko was standing there. Eclipse yelped and scurried away.

"C'mon... Keep doing that stuff!" he pleaded.

"My hand's not big enough," she replied.

"Says who?"

"Well I _hope_ you've got more balls that Shuuichi, being as you're over a foot taller than him."

"Check."

After a second's hesitation, she did. Hiei sighed.

"My girlfriend is a whore..."

"How much!" Youko asked excitedly.

"She's not for sale."

"But..."

"I'm free. So I'm even worse than a--mmph!"

Hiei pressed his hand over her mouth from behind. "Don't give him ideas."

"I'm sorry. I cost a hell of a lot more than you can afford, fox. Like, your life! MUWAHAHA!"

"Your hand hasn't left my crotch yet," the fox noted casually. "I think you're liking this a little too much."

"Gomen."

"Now look, Shadow," Hiei sighed, dragging her back to the bed and replacing the handcuffs. Leaning close, he whispered, "Now I might have to beat you."

"Oooh, kinky!" Youko teased.

While Hiei stayed close to her ear, she whispered, "Youko has a big dick."

"As is to be expected," Hiei muttered with disgust. The fox smirked.

"I'm very proud of my body. Can I experiment with you, Hiei?"

"No."

"Anal probing. Come on! The aliens do it!"

"Go fuck yourself."

"Why, when I have you around?"

"Okay, shut up."

_**

* * *

**_

When Kurama and Shadow arrived at the special party/rehearsal thingy at 6:00, the rest of the cast was already there. So was the pizza.

"Are we late, or are they early?" Kurama asked.

"I think they're early," Shadow replied. Tamura jumped on Shadow the second she saw her and pulled her in front of everyone.

"Everybody! Everybody, this is our new Juliet! Her name is Shadow Jaganshi. From what I've seen, she is an absolutely wonderful actress! Let's have a round of applause."

Everybody clapped politely. As the entire cast were Mieou High students, they all already knew her. Mixed emotions ran through all of them at this revelation. Most of them were convinced that she was going to totally destroy their play.

"Somehow, I can't see Shadow as a good actress," one boy muttered to his friend.

"Me neither."

Shadow was on them in a second. She grabbed the fronts of their shirts and pulled them down to her level so fast their heads knocked together.

"I heard that. You think I'm going to destroy your play? Well I'll have you know that I'm an excellent actress, even drama romance crap. I am CAPABLE of acting serious! You're lucky I've got such great control over the PATHWAYS of my brain that I can act AND think about three other things at the same time without getting confused!"

"Yeah! That's a laugh," Kurama said, dragging her away from the two boys. "But she _can_ act."

"She's wonderful!" Tamura gushed. Shadow glowed.

"I'm wonderful. Hear that, fox-boy? She's complimenting _me_, not you."

"Shuuichi is marvelous as well," the lady said, a bit confused.

"Silence! Bathe me in praise!" Shadow commanded.

"Oh, stuff it!" came a voice from the group of actors. The girl went rigid and lunged through the people suddenly, tackling the guy who'd spoken.

"What was that?"

"I said 'stuff it.'" The guy grinned mischeviously. "Remember me?"

"Remember? Where would I remember you from?"

A sigh as he pushed the confused girl off him and sat up, pulling her onto his lap. "Oh, poor confused Shadow-chan... Don't you remember all the good times we had?"

"Good times?" She squinted at him. "You look... like this guy I knew once... But I forget who... I think he died, though..."

The boy sighed again. "I love the way you respect the guy who got you out of prison. You never _once_ visited me since then..."

She tilted her head. "When was I in prison?"

"Oh, Lord..." the boy groaned. "You really _are_ dense!"

"Thanks! I take pride in it."

"I'm the guy from the shrine! The monk?"

Shadow stared, then her eyes suddenly widened in recognition. "Monkie-chan?"

"Yeah!"

"MONKIE-CHAN! I MISSED YOU SO!" She flung her arms around him, knocking him onto his back. By now, everybody was staring at the pair.

"Then why'd you never visit me, child?"

"_I_ don't know where you live!" she snapped with a bit of annoyance.

"Oh yeah. Guess I forgot that little detail."

"But now I see you and I'm happy!" She kissed his cheek.

"YOU'RE CHEATIN' ON HIEI!" one kid yelled. Shadow flung a book at his head and he screamed like a girl and ducked. It continued on until Kurama caught it.

"Am I gonna have to put you on a leash?" the fox snapped, grabbing her and dragging her away from Monkie-chan. She dropped to her hands and feet when he let go, snarling and spitting like a rabid cross between a cat and a dog. After a second, she began scrambling around like a crab, in circles and circles around Kurama, until she suddenly got dizzy and scuttled right off the edge of the stage. Tamura's mouth formed a little 'o' of suprise as she hurried to where Shadow had fallen, concern written all over her face. They couldn't get a new Juliet and lose her in the same day! That would be too tragic!

However, when she reached the edge of the stage and looked down, no Shadow was in sight. A movement to her left caught her attention, but when she looked, nothing was there. Suddenly, there was a yelp and a loud thud, and Kurama was on the ground, pinned by Shadow.

"You think I'm weird, don't you!"

"Yes," he said.

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Well in that case..." She got up and pulled him to his feet. "You're free to do as you please, Romeo."

"I say we see her act," one girl suggested. "She doesn't seem like much to me. Nothing much more than a stupid psycho."

"For that assessment, I humbly thank you," Shadow said quietly, bowing over 90 degrees.

"Y'know it'd be really easy for someone to kill you right now," Monkie-chan pointed out.

"Koujiro!" Tamura reprimanded.

"What? It would."

Shadow had straightened the instant he'd said that, and was now standing in a defensive position, glancing around at everyone suspiciously.

"Let's see her act!" the same girl insisted.

"I want pizza," a boy muttered. "Can't we wait until we've eaten before we have her show us how badly she acts?"

"Nope! Nobody gets any pizza until I act and you each compliment me because I'm wonderful and you're gonna be jealous," Shadow said, gaurding the pizza with her life.

"Fine! Act!" the boy snapped. Shadow looked to Kurama, then cautiously stepped away from the pizza, ready to jump on anyone who moved towards it, but no one did. She relaxed a bit more and walked to stand in front of the fox.

"Act two, scene two," he suggested. "Your first lines after the 'wherefore are thou' bit. They already know I can act."

"You're full of yourself." She closed her eyes to compose herself, then began. "'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; Thou art thyself, though not a Montague..." (and at this point, the authoress bursts into hysterical laughter, falls off her seat, and cracks open her head on the corner of the desk. That's okay. Her brain isn't present, so once she gets the bloodflow to stop, she'll be back in no time... Lordy me, Shakespeare is just the thing to cheer one up... It sounds so STUPID!)

They finished the entire... freaking... scene... Without Shadow bumbling over her lines even once. It was almost creepy, in a way, to think that such a silly, stupid girl could have the skill and patience necessary to memorize and act out a 'tragic romance.'

Everybody stared in awe. Tamura started clapping, and one by one they caught on.

"That was excellent!" Koujiro praised, stepping forward. "Of course, I never doubted you for a moment."

"Get stuffed! You're full of it, Monkie-chan!"

"Nah, I got blue eyes."

"Oh, shut up."

"Why don't we _all_ shut up and stuff our faces with pizza?" one kid suggested.

"Good idea!" Shadow chirped, lunging towards the stack of pizza boxes. She grabbed a plate and stacked three large slices of pepperoni pizza on it before retreating to a corner off-stage in the darkness to eat it, like some kind strange animal.

Koujiro came over a minute later and sat down with his pizza and a glass of soda. Kurama slipped away before any fangirls managed to jump on him and sat on Shadow's other side, handing her a glass of orange soda.

"Arigatou, dear Romeo."

"Please don't call me Romeo all the time now," he sighed. Shadow merely glanced at him with a slice of pizza in her mouth and didn't reply. After chewing and swallowing, she turned to Koujiro.

"So what part do you play?"

"Ironically, I'm the Friar."

Shadow snickered. "That's funny."

"So how is it you two know each other?" Kurama asked.

"I get around," Koujiro said, casually taking a sip of his Mello Yello.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean!"

"Just what it sounds like. I slept with him," Shadow said, putting her arm around Koujiro's shoulders and smiling.

"... Um..."

"But that's all in the past. I hear you have a boyfriend, now, child?"

"Yes. Yes I do. A very hot boyfriend who's probably a hell of a lot better in bed than you are."

"I'm being insulted," the boy muttered miserably.

"Sometimes I worry about you, Shadow," Kurama sighed.

"Why, whatever for, dear fox?"

"Because you have to ASK why! It should be obvious!"

"Why? Because I have strange delusions of having slept with almost every guy I run into?"

"Yes."

"Ask Hiei how many times I sleep somewhere other than home."

"I will."

"So how is Hiei?" Koujiro asked. "What's he doing with himself, other than being a teacher? Last time I saw him, he was working as a prison guard."

"Well now he's working as a cop. And a teacher," Shadow said. "That's kinda hush hush, so use your monkie-chan vow of silence and don't tell anyone."

"Yes, my lord."

"Pardon?"

"Yes, my lady."

"I thought so." She ate a bit more pizza, then looked scrutinizingly at Koujiro. "How come I've never seen you in school before? I mean, we've been there since September and I never once saw you in the halls."

"That, dear, is because I'm a senior with a work release. I'm never there."

"A work release? Where do you work?"

"Juvie."

"Juvie?"

"Juvenile Hall. I'm a counselor for delinquents. I get a crapload of money, too."

"Really?"

"Yeah." He produced his wallet from a back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a wad of money. "See?"

Shadow snatched the money from his hand and sat on it. "Mine now."

"I need that!"

"Go get it."

"I can't. It's against the code of the monk."

"What, to get back what rightfully belongs to them?"

"From under a girl's ass!" Koujiro snapped. "Yeah! I'm not allowed. You could accuse me of sexual molestation."

Kurama sighed. "Give him back his money, Shadow."

"Nope."

"Give it back," Koujiro insisted.

"Nope."

The fox sighed and set aside his pizza, pulling his cell phone out of his back pocket. "I'll call Hiei."

"What's he gonna do, walk here and molest me so you can give back Monkie-chan's money and save the day, you liberating bastard?"

"Now now, kids..." Koujiro started, but Kurama made his move. In the process of getting the money out from under Shadow's butt, he put her in a very comprimising position, just as somebody flicked on the house lights in the auditorium.

"WOW! Romeo and Juliet are gettin' it on in the corner!" one kid cried.

"With Friar Lawrence right there watchin'!"

Shadow flung Kurama's shoe at them. Koujiro snatched his money out of the fox's hand and they quickly put themselves in more respectable positions, about five feet away from each other.

After a while longer, Tamura called them all up onto the stage.

"Everyone's had their fill, I hope. Now let's try to get some rehearsing in before I have to send you all home."

Shadow's first play rehearsal went well. She got to do the suicide scene! Afterwards, she went straight home to Hiei and announced, "Hiei, I got to kill myself!"

"That's nice."

"Twice!"

"That's nice."

"You don't care?"

"You don't look dead to me, koi. Should I care?"

"You should care that I did an excellent job and got many compliments and that Monkie-chan was the Friar."

"Who?"

"That's what _I_ said. He's the guy who bailed me out of jail, y'know?"

"Oh yeah."

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Listening to you, koi."

"Doesn't really look like it."

"Of course I am."

"I have to kiss Kurama."

"I know."

"Do you know how many times I'm going to have to kiss him?"

"Several."

"Including the practices and rehearsals, and that the play is on three nights?"

"A lot."

"Aren't you jealous?"

"Not really."

"Why not?"

"You don't love him, do you?"

"What if I do?"

Hiei finally shut the book he was reading. "Then I'll ditch you and go back to Makai."

"I can't say he's not a good kisser."

"Shadow..."

"And he's got the elegance and intelligence thing going for him..."

Hiei started to get up, but Shadow yelped and sat in his lap, effectively returning him to his seat on the couch.

"Oh, koi. You know I would never ditch you for your best friend." She put her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. "Kurama _is_ your best friend, isn't he?"

"I guess you could say that," Hiei muttered, one arm around his girlfriend.

"Everybody needs a best friend."

"Why are you being weird all of a sudden?"

"Me being weird is sudden!"

"No, no, that's not what I meant. I mean, you're talking rationally. Sort of."

She stared at him for a minute, then simply said, "I love you, Hiei."

"I love you too, but that doesn't answer my question."

"Hey, how long is this chapter? D'you figure we could have a break? I'm getting tired of today dragging on, and on, and on, and--"

"It's only eleven pages of very small font."

"Okay. That's excellent. D'you figure Shadow is tired of writing this chapter?"

"Yes."

"Way, freaking, cool. I'm taking a break." She got up and left, Hiei on her heels.

* * *

**See, that wasn't AS bad as the last chapter, was it? I mean... come on...**


	26. Giggles!

**(6-29-05) Did you get the memo? I'm done writing this story! DONE!** I finished it at 4:12 this morning. Of course, I still have to finish posting it, and I wanna read over the last chapter, but I'm done writing! DONE! DONE! I could cry! I'm so happy! I think I'll take a little break... and not write anything for a while... Like, until Eclipse gets back from vacation and I've had a party for finishing this story. **I'VE BEEN WRITING THIS DAMN THING FOR TEN MONTHS! DOCUMENT CREATED AUGUST 25! TEN! MONTHS!**  
The site says I have 799 reviews, but I just got another one in my email, so I'm saying I've got 800. WOOT! 800! Think we can reach 1,000? I think we can. I have FAITH! There's 32 chapters, this is 26, I average around 30 reviews per chapter, so that's another 210 if I get 30 on every chapter, and that'd boot me up to 1,010! YAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAY!  
**Warning:** Shadow harassing Hiei about his past sex life. So, if you don't want to read Shadow being a pervert and accusing Hiei of being a skank or an easy target at bars, um... It's not THAT big a part of the story, just read it, dammit!

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY SIX  
**Giggles!

The Monday following the first play rehearsal, Kurama, Eclipse, and Shadow all went to Tashiro's office first thing when they arrived to school. He looked up when they entered and smiled.

"Shut the door, would you?"

Kurama pushed the door shut and all three took seats at the new principal's suggestion.

"You probably assumed as much, but I just want to tell you that you're not in trouble."

"We had indeed assumed as much," Shadow assured him.

"Good. Now, to move on to why you _are_ here." He leaned forward a bit. "Have any of you ever considered enrolling in the exchange student program?"

Three eyebrows raised in unison.

"Exchange students?" Kurama asked.

"Like, to America?" Eclipse added.

"Count me out, I'm not goin' to school next year," Shadow dismissed. "Not unless I'm gettin' paid, man."

Tashiro laughed a little bit. "Of course you are. Everyone has to go to school."

"I don't. All I need to do is hack into the government computers and wipe my existence from their databases, and nobody will be concerned with whether I go to school or not. Or I could buy a small island in the Pacific and live there alone with Hiei and nobody will be concerned with anything about us."

"Shadow, you may _want_ to do that, but things like that just don't happen."

"They happen to _me_. I don't dream. I live. And if I want something, I make it happen." She smiled sweetly. "Was that all?"

"Well... yeah, I guess... if you're not interested, I guess I'll just see you here next year."

"Uh, sure." She smiled again, then left, waving cutely at her two friends.

"What's with--"

"Just ignore her. You know she's abnormal," Kurama said nervously. "What was this about exchange students?"

"Well, I was wondering if the three of you--well, two, now--would be interested in enrolling as exchange students to America. You've got excellent gradepoint averages, all your records are good, and... well, it'd be a good experience for your futures. What do you think?"

Kurama shrugged. "It sounds interesting. Where would we be going?"

"The United States. I'm not sure exactly where... So you're interested?"

"Yeah. Why not?"

"And you, Eclipse?"

"If he's going, so am I."

Tashiro smiled. "That's excellent. I have some things for you to fill out... Of course, you'll have to discuss this with your parents... So it's all still in the early, hopeful stages... There is, of course, a cost..."

"We'll see what we can do," Kurama said, taking the papers the man handed him.

"I need those papers back by the end of the week, if you don't mind..."

"No problem. Is that all?" the fox asked, standing.

"Yes, that's it. All the information you need is there, in those papers. If you have any questions, feel free to talk to me."

"Sure. Thank you, sir."

"No problem, Shuuichi. Have a good day."

_**

* * *

**_

Weeks passed. Shadow and Kurama had rehearsal every evening, they and Hiei had talent show rehearsal once or twice a week, Eclipse and the fox turned in their completed exchange forms, and surprisingly, Nakada and Arisa continued staying out of their hair.

"I'm kinda disappointed, y'know?" Shadow said. She was sprawled across Hiei's lap on the couch while Eclipse, Kurama, and Ryu were sitting around the living room.

"How come?" Ryu asked. "I think it's great. Arisa hasn't bothered me once since you got those pictures."

"That's great and all, Ryu, don't get me wrong, but I kinda like being able to harass people... I can't harass her, because then she'll harass you. Nakada won't harass me because then I'll harass her and she can't harass you cuz he started it. It sucks. I liked whipping Nakada. It was fun."

"And funny," Eclipse added. Kurama pinched her. "Ow! You jerk!"

"Am not."

"Well, weren't you plotting all those things to do to Nakada to get him to pick a fight with you?" Hiei reminded. "Just pester him innocently for a little while and he'll pitch a fit. Then you can whip his ass and show Slut-face's mother those pictures."

"Good idea, koi. You've always got a brilliant solution." She kissed his lips as she got up. "Who wants dinner?"

"Me," four voices answered in unison.

"What do you want?"

"Not ramen," Hiei answered.

"I could order pizza," she suggested. "My birthday's tomorrow, and I don't feel like making dinner."

"Excellent. Order pizza," Hiei said. "Whatever works."

"I want Subway," Eclipse said.

"Then go get it. You've got a car, haven't you?"

"Yeah, but it's at home."

"It is? Then how'd you get here?"

"Kurama brought her, genius," Hiei said.

"Yeah, _really_, **_gen-ius_**," Eclipse repeated insultingly.

"Shut up, jackass! Go get your own damned Subway! Have your boyfriend take you!" Shadow stomped out of the room.

"Good one, Eclipse," Hiei said sarcastically, grabbing a pillow from the other side of the couch and laying down.

"I'm not her boyfriend," Kurama said, knowing Shadow wouldn't hear.

"Can I borrow your car, fox?" Eclipse asked.

"No."

"Can I borrow your car, Ryu?"

"No, but I could drive you to Subway if you'd like."

"Would you? I've love you forever!"

"Fine." Ryu stood up, and Eclipse lunged off Kurama's lap and followed him out of the room.

"Fine! Get lost, you traitor!" Kurama said. Then he promptly went and laid down on the other side of the couch without a pillow, since Hiei had stolen it.

"Okay, guys! Pizza is ordered!" Shadow announced, coming into the room. She tapped Kurama's feet and he opened one eye. "Move."

He pointed to where Hiei was laying. "Make your boyfriend move."

"He won't move. He's rude."

"Then lay on top of him."

Shadow blinked. "Excellent idea as always, fox." And she did. Hiei put his arms around her and rested his hands on her stomach.

"So what are you two wearing tomorrow?" Kurama asked.

"Clothes," they answered simultaneously.

"I know that... But what are you wearing to dinner?"

"Clothes," they said again.

"Are you gonna wear a dress, Shadow?" he asked, sitting up.

"Me? A dress? Why, pray tell, would I wear a dress?"

"Because that's what you're supposed to wear to a place like that. You'll look scruffy otherwise."

"I didn't wear a dress last year."

"And you looked scruffy."

"Scruffy is a good word to describe her," Hiei said. "She _is_ scruffy."

"Because I don't care what anyone thinks."

"She wears her hair the same all the time..."

"Too much trouble to do anything else with it."

"She dresses in mismatched clothes sometimes..."

"I just wear the first thing I see."

"Everything about her is disorderly..."

"It's orderly to _me._"

"She acts more like a guy than a girl half the time..."

"Except when I'm making out with you."

"Except when she's making out with me..."

"And when I'm groping you..."

"Guys could do that, too."

"Guys could make out with you, too."

"Not the same way you do."

"Then they couldn't grope you the same way either."

"Fine. You act like a girl when you're groping me, too."

"And when you're groping _me._"

"What? I never grope you!"

"Bullshit, Hiei! What about last night!"

"That wasn't really groping... That was..."

"Groping."

"Fine. But what's that got to do with you acting like a girl?"

"I have boobs."

"Yes, you do. But that's a feature, not an action."

"Fine, jackass. What about... When I'm cleaning the house?"

"When'd you do that?"

"Um... Remember that time those wolf-guys from the future were here?"

Hiei snorted and cracked up laughing. "Oh, dear Shadow... That was a long time ago."

"Shut up."

"And guys can clean houses too."

"Well fine! I'll have your baby and you can't come back with 'guys can do that too' _THEN_!"

"Isn't that planning ahead a little bit?"

"About nine months."

"What?"

"Cuz you're gonna make hot, passionate love to me right here and now."

"**What!**"

"With Kurama watching."

"**_What!_**"

"Maybe he could join in."

"**_NO!_**"

She rolled over and straddled him. "Come on, Hiei! Fuck me silly! I know you can!"

"But--"

"Unless you can't, since Mukuro was always dominant..."

"Not always!"

"Oh really?"

"And besides, it's not like she's not the only person I've ever had sex with."

"Oh! Oh! The secret's out! Hiei gets around! Who else?"

"Nobody you know."

"Ever have sex with a guy?"

"What?"

"I won't hold it against you, y'know. Makai is a tough place, and sometimes you just need to take what comes to you. Ever been fucked by a guy?"

"Shadow...!"

"Ever fucked a guy?"

"No!"

"So if you ever had sex with a guy, you were submissive _then_, too!"

"What is your obsession with my position during sex!"

"How come Mukuro was always on top?"

"She wasn't always!"

"Well fine! How often was she?"

"I don't know..."

"More often than not?"

Hiei blushed slightly. "Yeah... maybe..."

"Okay, and why?"

"It was a show of dominance, okay?"

"She has you pussywhipped, doesn't she? She beat you in a fight and she dominates you in bed!"

"Dominated. Past tense. I haven't had sex with her since you and me have been together."

"Good boy. Want a reward?"

"Not really."

"Why not?"

"'Cause, knowing you, God knows what it'll be."

"Molestation."

"I don't want to be molested."

"Why not? You love me."

"Well you don't molest when you love somebody."

"Fondle? Grope? Tenderly kiss and touch and tease?"

"Um..."

"Just how many lovers have you had, Hiei?"

"Lovers?"

"Oh, you know. How many different people have you been naked in bed with?"

"I don't know! Why are you prying into my sex life? I lived in Makai, or have you forgotten?"

"So did I, but _I'm_ still a virgin."

"I lived in Makai for decades longer than you did, and I'm male. You were merely a child when you were in Makai. Okay? Can you stop prying now?"

"So are you just saying that when you felt like having sex, you jumped on somebody and screwed them in the nearest forest clearing?"

"You make me out to be some kind of animal! Jeezus!"

"Well did you?"

"No! I didn't just jump out of trees onto random passerbys, tear off all our clothes, and screw them, alright?"

"Did you... go to bars dressed skanky and seduce people?"

"No!"

"Hotels?"

"No!"

"Did you stand on street corners?"

"No! Shadow! I wasn't a prostitute or a pimp or some easy prey sulking at the bar totally trashed!"

"Then what were you?"

"You're being really mean to the poor guy," Kurama pointed out from the other end of the couch. "It's not his fault he's not open about his sex life. Maybe he had a bad experience, or was somebody's bitch for a year or two of his life."

"You're not helping," Hiei snarled.

"Were you?"

"What? Ever raped? Or was I somebody's bitch?"

Shadow paused, staring into his eyes, before she laid back down on him and hugged him. "I'm sorry. I'm being mean."

"Yeah, you better be sorry."

"Are you mad?"

"No."

Kurama chuckled quietly. "You two are funny."

"Why?"

"Never mind. So are you wearing a dress, Shadow?"

"If Hiei wants me to," she said.

"I think Hiei should wear a tux."

"Where am I gonna get a tux between now and tomorrow evening?"

"Shadow."

"Where would Shadow get a tux?"

She sat up. "I'll need all his exact measurements." She reached in her pocket and pulled out a tape measure.

"Right there," Kurama said, pointing to her pocket.

"Could she pull a tux out of her pocket?"

"I don't know! Ask _her_."

"Shadow?"

"Yes I could. I'm gonna have to pull my dress out of my pocket, aren't I?"

"You have dresses in your closet upstairs."

"Psh. Skanky ones that I might wear to turn you on so I can get laid..."

Hiei sighed. "You've got a one track mind."

"Yup. You."

"Well, I'm glad you like me. Our relationship wouldn't do well if you didn't."

"I like you a lot, Hiei. You're strong and smart and hot as hell."

Kurama cleared his throat. "And Shadow, you've got to do something with your hair."

"What?"

"Wear it _down _or something!"

"Oh, shut your trap, foxboy. You don't know what you're talking about. You think you're so smart..."

"I am smart."

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that."

"You're biased. If I said that Hiei was hot, you'd suddenly think I was a freakin' genius again."

"Hiei _is_ hot."

"See?"

"Hiei, you've got to stand up. I need all your measurements so I can make the perfect tux for you."

"You can make it without. You just want an excuse to touch me some more."

"Yeah, you're right. Now stand up."

Hiei sighed and obeyed. She was in the middle of measuring his inseam when the doorbell rang.

"That's the pizza! Kurama, come here and hold this!" She nodded towards the measuring tape in her hands.

"No!" Hiei and the fox said in unison.

"I'm not getting near Hiei's crotch."

"I don't want him near my crotch!" Hiei snapped. The doorbell rang again.

"**HOLD IT OR DIE!**" she screamed in rage and fury.

"Yes ma'am," Kurama squeaked. He took the tape measure and held it exactly how she'd had it while she ran to the door.

"Why couldn't you have just answered the door, dickweed?" Hiei snapped. "Get your freakin' hands off me."

Kurama obeyed. "Sorry. Youko made me."

"I think Shadow was right. Youko was never after her. He was after _me._"

"Don't flatter yourself."

Meanwhile, Shadow answered the door and stared at the pizza delivery boy.

"_You_ are a pizza delivery boy?"

"Yep. Gimme my money and my tip," Yusuke said, handing her the pizzas.

"I don't think I should. You interrupted me."

"That's nice. I figured I would. In fact, I waited until I felt that I would be interrupting something before I came. Now pay me, please."

"Well, since you said please..." She pulled the money out. "First, tell me what you think I should wear to dinner with Hiei tomorrow."

"How about nothing?"

"_To_ dinner?"

"Oh. Well, wear something enticing and easy to remove, so you two can make passionate love afterwards."

Shadow chuckled. "You think exactly the same way I do, Yusuke. Hiei doesn't."

"Maybe he doesn't want to screw you because he's afraid he'll get you pregnant, or maybe he has STDs or a little dick."

Back in the living room, Hiei rolled his eyes. "Not only does he deliver pizza, but he accuses me of having a little dick. I think it's about time me and Yusuke had another match."

"Now, now, Hiei. Maybe he's just jealous. Maybe Yusuke has a baby dick."

Hiei snickered. "Yeah. Maybe he's all muscular with immense amounts of ki, talks big and is full of himself, but secretly has a tiny penis."

"How ironic."

The two demons were sent into fits of uncharacteristic giggles. (giggle is such a funny word)

Meanwhile, Shadow was looking offended. "Hiei does not have a small dick! I should know!" She made squeezy motions with her hand.

"Oh yeah. Forgot about that."

"I'm not giving you a tip now."

"What if I apologize and make myself look gay by fawning over how wonderful Hiei is?"

"Go for it." She set the pizza aside and crossed her arms. Yusuke shifted nervously.

"Okay, well, um... First off, I'm sorry for insulting him, and, um..." He glanced at his watch. "Oh, jeez! I've been here too long already! I gotta get back to work or I'll get fired!" He turned to leave and Shadow caught his wrist.

"What, leaving without your money?"

"Oh. Um. Yeah." He held out his hand.

"Nope. Say something good about Hiei."

"He's strong."

"And?"

"Fast?"

"Continue."

"He, um... Is... uh... He's short..."

"How's that good?"

"Well, they say short people make up for their height with the size of their penis."

"We've already established that he's well-endowed. Say something else about him."

"Um... He's kinda cute when he sleeps?"

"Kinda?"

"Okay, he's cute."

In the living room, Hiei and Kurama started laughing again.

"Anything else you want to say?"

"Um... He's... Uh... He's..."

"Want to sound really gay?"

"Not really, no..."

"I'm the only one gonna hear you. Say he's hot."

"No!"

"If you refuse too fiercly, I might think you actually believe it."

"Fine. He's... um... He's hot."

"WOOHOO!" She kissed his cheek and handed him the cost of the pizza, plus an equal tip. "Good boy! Thanks for the prompt pizza delivery and the way you so easily submitted to my taunts. Ja mata ne!" She shut the door and ran back into the living room, launching herself over the back of the couch and into Hiei's arms. He caught her and kept his footing, until she somehow knocked him off balance and they both fell into Kurama's lap.

And, of course, in typical humiliating cliche style, Eclipse and Ryu returned at that moment and walked into the room.

"Wow! Threesome!" Ryu yelped.

"Kurama! You're cheating on me!"

"I can't cheat on you, you're not my girlfriend," he retorted automatically, then realized how she would take that.

"Oh my God! So you ARE having a threesome!"

"Oh. Oh yes, of course, Eclipse. Right in the middle of Shadow's living room floor."

Hiei picked up Shadow and quickly got her into the dining room, where their pizza was waiting. He sat down on a chair and she stayed in his lap. To Eclipse's somewhat disgust, they fed each other the entire meal.

"You guys are gross!" she complained every two minutes.

"You're jealous," Shadow retorted. "Do you think Hiei should wear a tux tomorrow night?"

"What's tomorrow night?"

"My birthday, dipweed!"

"Well how was I supposed to remember that? You didn't remember mine!"

"The _authoress_ didn't remember yours. But we went to your stupid party anyways, without anyone's knowledge!"

"And you loved it, didn't you?"

"Whatever. The point is, do you think Hiei should wear a tux?"

"I do, if that's of any help," Ryu offered.

"And what about me? What should I wear?"

"A dress, considering where you're going."

"What _kind_ of dress?"

"Something sexy," Kurama suggested. "Sexy without being skanky."

"Okay... Colors?"

"Red or black... maybe dark blue," Kurama suggested.

"Red or black would go better with her eyes," Ryu pointed out.

"Good point. Shadow? Red or black?"

"Black."

"Alright. And what about her hair?" Kurama asked.

"I don't know..." Ryu shrugged. "I'll think of something."

"Hiei? Any ideas?"

"No... Keep analyzing my girlfriend... I feel like I'm in a frikkin' zoo. Psychos. Are you sure you're not both gay?"

"Hiei, don't be rude! Gay and bisexual are two different things," Shadow snapped.

"And I'm not gay or bisexual," Kurama snapped. "Youko may be, but I'm not."

"You just said Youko was gay. After all his denying and complaining, his counterpart goes ahead and tells the truth... He must feel really betrayed right now..."

"Who's Youko?" Ryu asked.

"He's not gay," Kurama said calmly. "He's a demon."

"So? Demons can be gay."

"Demon? What are you guys talking about?"

Shadow and Kurama froze, then glanced at Ryu. "Oops."

"Y'know, I always did suspect something fishy was up with all of you... Demons?"

"It's uh, nothing. It's an inside joke or something, yes, that's it, inside joke indeed," Kurama said hastily.

"Then who is Youko?"

"My ex," Shadow said. Everybody turned and stared like she was insane. Hiei snorted and pushed her onto the floor.

"Jeez, Shadow. Thanks for telling me," he said sarcastically. He got up to leave and she scrambled to her hands and knees, crawling wildly after him.

"Wait, koishii!" She grabbed his hand. He turned and looked down at her. She stared up at him pathetically, then flung her arms around him and started sobbing and begging for mercy.

"Shadow! You're putting yourself in a very comprimising position!" Hiei snapped. She stopped abruptly and leaned back a bit, realizing that indeed she was in just that perfect place, and that her hands were really close to his ass. They stayed like that for a minute, the entire room silent. Shadow stared at Hiei's crotch, Hiei stared at Shadow, and the other three in the room stared at Hiei. Finally, Ryu spoke up.

"Well? You gonna just stare at it all day?"

Shadow grabbed Hiei's belt buckle and he instantly grabbed her hands, kneeling and holding them behind her back.

"We'll save it for another day," he said. Ryu sighed.

"You guys are going nowhere fast."

"And that's good. If a relationship moves to fast, all kinds of bad shit could happen," Kurama said.

"Really! Just look at Romeo and Juliet! They got married under 24 hours after their first meeting, and they both ended up DEAD a few days later!" Shadow pointed out accusingly.

"But you're not some 13-year-old little stupid girl," Eclipse said. "You should be responsible when you and Hiei make mad passionate love in the back of Kurama's car."

"I never!" Shadow said indignantly. Hiei, who was still kneeling in front of her, released her hands so she could wrap her arms around him lovingly. "The back of a car is far too small for the wild sex _we're_ gonna have."

"But don't you want to chain me up?" Hiei asked. "I won't be goin' anywhere if you chain me up, so what does it matter if we're in the back of a car?"

"Excellent point, koishii. Kurama? Can we have the use of your car for the night? Me and Hiei have some... business to take care of." She moved her hips against her boyfriend's enticingly.

"I'd really rather you didn't use my car, if it's all the same to you."

"Can we use your bed?"

"Why don't you use your own bed? You've got a double bed. I don't."

"Good point." Her hands moved down slowly to the bottom of Hiei's shirt. Eclipse cleared her throat.

"We have a guest, you know," she said.

"I don't mind," Ryu replied, grinning.

"Don't you have a boyfriend, though?" Kurama asked.

"Yeah, but what he doesn't know won't hurt him."

"Such disloyalty," the fox sighed.

"He's not disloyal," Shadow said, slipping off Hiei's shirt. "He's just checking out a hot guy who happens to be the phys ed teacher at his school, my boyfriend, and about 11 years older than us both. I don't see anything wrong with that. It's not like Hiei's gonna actually sleep with him or anything."

"Exactly."

"Unless it makes you uncomfortable, Hiei?" Shadow asked.

"I don't care."

"That's what I thought."

They eventually relocated to the living room again, and Kurama and Ryu continued their discussion about Shadow's attire for the following night over a game of poker. When Ryu lost horribly, he agreed that he would help Kurama get the two fixed up for their date.

That game was followed up by strip poker, which they played all night, and ended up with all of them sitting around in their underwear by morning, halfway drunk, like a bunch of bums. Then they had to go to school.

"Happy birthday," Hiei said sarcastically to Shadow.

"Am I allowed to bet your underwear that I'll lose to Kurama?" she asked distractedly, chewing her lip while staring at her cards.

"No. We agreed nobody would end up naked," Kurama said. "I won't accept the bet."

"Fine. If I lose, I won't pitch a fit about you two making me 'beautiful' tonight for my date."

"Cool. What've you got?"

"Two pair."

Kurama tossed his cards on the table. "Flush. I win."

"I knew it." She shrugged and walked to the couch, laying on top of Hiei's scarcely-clad body. "You know what would be funny?"

"Hm?"

"If somebody rang the doorbell right now."

"Or if Yusuke walked right into the middle of what appears to be the afterwards of some kind of orgy," said a voice from the door.

"That'd be pretty funny too," Shadow said. Then her eyes snapped open. "Yusuke?"

"I just stopped by to say happy birthday, since I have to work immediately after school today and my cell phone is currently... out of service... so I figured I'd stop by on my way to school... But it seems I've walked in on something... And who's that?" He pointed to Ryu.

"You've never met Ryu?"

"Apparently not. Is he your new orgy pal?"

"We didn't have an orgy," Kurama said. "We played cards." To emphasize, he flung the entire deck at Yusuke, sending cards flying all over the room.

"If you say so," the boy said, straightening from where he'd ducked behind the couch. "Anyways, Shadow, happy birthday... I got you a card, if you want it."

"Of course I do! Give it here!" She jumped over the couch and grabbed the card, read it, then hugged Yusuke and kissed both his cheeks.

"I just got hugged and kissed by a sexy half-naked girl." He smiled. "My day started out well. Bye, guys!"

"My birthday looks promising, doesn't it?" Shadow asked. Hiei sighed.

"Go put on some clothes."

* * *

**Yay! Come on! Review your little fingers off! Please? I'm done writing this! So now all you all gotta do is worry about when will I update? Which is all you've been worrying about this entire time! So review! Please! Just like you always do!**

**Incidentally...** Who's gonna see **Charlie and the Chocolate Factory **when it comes out? I am!** I can't wait. **And not just cuz it's** Johnny Depp.** It just looks so... goofy. I also want to see **War of the Worlds (Tom Cruise!** Yay!) and the **Fantastic 4** (um... **anonymous people I don't know!** Yay? But that one guy can turn into a fireball! That's exciting stuff, there).


	27. The Birthday Thing

**(7-1-05) I can't give an accurate count on the reviews up to this point because some kind people spammed up my review thingy... It says 890, but I got two people going through every chapter with stupid reviews like "This is my review for chapter 20" or "dum dum du dum number 14". I know I encourage reviewing, but I don't want them _that_ badly. I want VALID reviews. Katana-Jake and moogleboy64, I don't appreciate what you did. If you'd reviewed as you read the story, or said something slightly more constructive than 'dududududu' or whatever the fuck you said, I wouldn't be so pissed.** (except that one review, moogleboy64, where you bowed before my greatness or whatever... that one was okay.)  
**Now, to reply to a few REAL reviews.**

**Ebbster-** Your compliment touched my heart. ... Well, it would have, had I had a heart on hand at the time. I tend to keep mine in a box under my bed... It's collecting dust. I never use it. Just like my brain.  
**Black Spell-** I avoid all stories involving Kuwabara in any sort of romantic/sexual situation with any male or female person. They make me shudder simply at the thought.  
**Shessha's Crazy-** Don't talk about episodes I haven't seen! I'm not caught up with all the DVDs. Last I saw, Raizen died & Yusuke was going to visit Yomi.  
**bisc-** Do I want to go see War of the Worlds with you? Well, considering how I don't know you... um... no. Sorry. XD And did you get that "I reject reality and substitute my own" from Mythbusters? Cuz I think I heard one of them say that once. Lol. And my favorite show is Yu Yu Hakusho. I don't like Law & Order or CSI.  
**black mirage-** You like Karasu? Me too. He's in this chapter a tiny bit. He's in it more in the next few chapters. You wanna read a really awesome in-character Karasu fic? Go read hColleen's story "Dark Thoughts." It's so in-character it's almost scary.  
**hColleen-** Look, I'm promoting your story! See? _-points to previous review reply-_ Can I have a cookie? (incidentally, you use bigger words than anyone else who reviews. I started reading your review without looking at the name and thought 'Wow, who's this? They sound smart...' Then I looked at the name and thought, 'Oh! Go figure...')  
**darkXdemon15- CORRUPTION IS GOOD!** I was corrupted... everybody will be corrupted... I have it all planned out... I even have a minion in charge of corrupting people, it's so important to me. _-points to hColleen-_ Her.  
**To everybody who's asked me: Yes I do read all my reviews. Unless I get 26 at once that are monotonous, stupid, and thoughtless.**

**Now, for the story. Warning:** ... This chapter is frighteningly devoid of anything more than kissing. And a little bit of stripping. But it's not like I go into detail about that, and if you get freaked out by a girl taking off a guy's shirt for him, you should be reading G-rated stories... I bet guys take off their shirts in those ones, too. Oh yeah, and there's a wee bit of ass-touching. XD Boy, putting these warnings at the beginning sure would be bad if my mother decided she wanted to see what I write. But as I was saying before, there's no severe gropage. This chapter is very mild, especially considering the occasion.

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN  
**The Birthday Thing...

Shadow's birthday went well in school. She harassed all her teachers, got sent to the office fifteen minutes into most classes (or just left if her harassing didn't get her in trouble) and in that way spent most of her day with Hiei. The third time she showed up at the office, Tashiro gave her a pass to the gym and she hugged and kissed him, too (on the cheek! jeesh...), then ran back to the gym and hugged and kissed Hiei several times (...not on the cheek).

Of course, the following period was Hiroshi Nakada's class. Shadow reclined in the bleachers, deciding to skip Lit. class altogether. The second Nakada walked in and saw her near his usual sulking corner, he changed direction and actually went to stand near the class. She hopped to the floor and skipped over to Hiei.

"Gonna tell them all why I'm here?" she asked. He shook his head, making some marks next to names on his attendance sheet.

"Nope."

"Can I?"

"I don't care."

"I'm here because I have an ALL DAY PASS FROM THE PRINCIPAL! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND I'LL PARTY IF I WANT TO!" She began doing disco, which Hiei quickly repressed.

"Skip or jump rope, but don't disco."

"Can I breakdance?"

"I don't care."

"Can I harass your class?"

"Sure. They're not doing anything this period anyways."

"Really?" a few kids said excitedly.

"Yeah, really."

Shadow spent the period near Nakada, doing commentary on his every move. He tried his best not to react, but he'd finally had enough.

"**_SHUT UP!_**"

The entire gymnasium froze. Hiei glanced over at his girlfriend calmly and set down whatever he'd been doing up on the bleachers. He dropped silently to the floor as Shadow began taunting Nakada again.

"Oooh, he's mad and I'm scared! Utterly terrified!"

"If it weren't for Arisa's problem, I'd have pummeled you a long time ago!"

"Oh? Who cares about Arisa's problem? It's not your problem. It's hers. Go ahead and hit me." She made fists and hopped back and forth from one foot to the other like a boxer.

"Don't tempt me!"

"I'm tempting you! Oooh, tempting, tempting, watch me tempt you, Hiroshi Nakada! Tempting, tempting, tempting! I'm just such a tempting target!" She stopped hopping and stopped speaking in singsong, but kept the taunting tone. "I bet you can't even hit me."

Hiei smirked. Happy birthday. She could totally ruin Arisa's life.

"I bet I can!"

"Go for it!"

"Fine, bitch!"

He swung his fist.

"Your bonds of loyalty are strong, grasshopper," Shadow said in a mocking tone. She promptly pummeled Nakada before he could even attempt another punch, then skipped away merrily. "Time to go tell Arisa you just annoyed me!"

She left the gym. Hiei glanced at the twitching, unconscious body on the ground and pointed to a couple boys. "Take him to the nurse. No need to hurry, though."

They took him literally. They dragged him to the nurse fifteen minutes later, once he'd stopped twitching.

Shadow, meanwhile, had gone outside, run a lap round the school, went into Hiei's office through the back entrance to the boy's locker room, and hacked into the office systems to find out where Arisa was that period. Once she'd gained her knowledge, she darted upstairs and composed herself before entering the classroom.

"Excuse me, could I speak to Arisa Okawa for a moment?" she asked politely. She stood aside as Arisa left the room, then shut the door and went into psychotic fits, jumping around like a lunatic and pointing. "Nakada took a swing at me! You know what that means?"

Arisa stared for a moment in shock, then pleaded, "You can't show my mother those pictures!"

"I can. I'm fully capable. I have all my arms and legs, and I have the pictures. I'll give you until tomorrow to provide a sufficient bribe, but if you fail, your mommy gets to see the pictures of you fucking Mr. Fabulous, the troll, in the public park!"

"He's not a troll!"

"BRIBE ME AND BATHE ME IN PRAISE, OR YOUR MOTHER WILL SEE YOU STARRING IN PORN!" Shadow threatened, with flames and dark clouds and looming evil and glowing red eyes. Then she smiled sweetly. "Ta!" She hurried off. Arisa sulked and bitched at people for the rest of the day.

Hiei glanced up at Shadow as she returned to the gym. "Well?"

"I told her she has until tomorrow to provide a sufficient bribe or I'll show her mother the pictures."

"You shouldn't have offered options."

"Oh, Hiei. It's so much more fun when you give them a chance to save their asses and they fail. Then, not only do their lives spiral slowly downwards towards the status of 'living Hell', but they live with the knowledge that they had the chance to hold it at the level of 'sucky' and failed miserably!"

Hiei sighed, smiling and shaking his head. "You really _do_ know what you're doing."

"Why, thank you." She kissed his cheek.

A random student wandered over to the corner where they were sitting. "Jaganshi-sensei?"

"Huh?"

"Since we're not doing anything, we're wondering if you could give a demonstration of your sword fighting."

Shadow hit Hiei's chest. "I _told_ you!" She looked up at the boy. "Come to the talent show next week. Oh! And..." She jumped up and scrambled up onto the bleachers. "Everybody listen up!"

The gym silenced.

"Everybody has to come to the school play tomorrow night, because I'm in it! I play Juliet!"

"_You?_" a random student cried.

"Yes, me!"

"Who plays Romeo? _Hiei?_"

"No, Shuuichi Minamino."

Several girls squealed. Shadow grinned. Mission accomplished. She hopped down from the bleachers into Hiei's arms and wrapped her legs around his waist.

"PDA," he reminded her. She squeezed her legs tighter and leaned back a bit to look him in the eye.

"Who gives a flying rat's ass?"

"Not you, apparently."

"Exactly."

_**

* * *

**_

Shadow was not made aware of Arisa's absence from lunch, but the effects of that absence were made obvious as she and Hiei walked out to the parking lot after school. Shadow found her motorcycle in ruins, the ruins of her bike surrounded by six or seven poser-ninja mobsters.

Upon seeing her dented, scratched, burning, ruined motorcycle, Shadow very nearly passed out from a sudden wave of horror. Hiei supported her, recognizing the poser-ninja mobsters from a few previous attempts on his life.

"What the hell are you assholes doing here?"

"Fucking up your life," one answered.

"I thought the mob did their work in secret? So far, you've failed to kill me more than once, and you just stand there like a bunch of morons after trashing my girlfriend's bike. Any particular reason you're making yourselves so obvious? A deathwish, perhaps?"

All seven pulled out guns and aimed them at Hiei and Shadow, who was quickly recovering from the shock and horror.

"We're supposed to kill you."

"Yeah, well, you've tried that before and it didn't work, so what makes you think it will now?"

Before they could answer, Shadow pulled out of Hiei's grip and started striding towards them. If they'd been able to see auras, they would have wet their pants, as Shadow's was exploding from her, probably incinerating dozens of innocent micro-organisms floating around innocently in the air.

"You fucked up my motorcycle," she snarled, stopping in front of them with eyes narrowed in fury. "And now I'm gonna fuck up _you_."

They barely had time to react before she'd knocked the nearest guy unconscious, leaving him bleeding a few feet away while she went after the others in a fit of rage.

_They say anger is a weapon only to your opponent, _Hiei thought, _but it certainly isn't helping these guys any._

All seven guys were out cold on the ground in under three minutes, despite them having guns and being nearly twice Shadow's size. Once she'd taken care of them, she looked at her ruined motorcycle and fell to her knees in tears. Hiei knelt beside her and hugged her.

"It's okay, Shadow..."

"Hiei! They totally fucked up my bike! It's not okay!" she snapped, grabbing his shoulders.

"Well what do you expect me to say? 'Now that you have no motorcycle, your life sucks and I hate you'! I'm just trying to comfort you!"

"Well it's not working!"

"Because you blew up on me!"

"Because you said it's okay that they fucked up my bike!"

"It's not the end of the world!"

"Maybe it is to me!"

"Then you're pathetic! It's just a motorcycle! It can be replaced!"

"But I named him and loved him and he was mine! And you just called me pathetic, you son of a bitch! It's my birthday! I have no more motorcycle, and you call me pathetic! Great! Excellent! Jackass! I'm going home! And I'm _WALKING_, since I don't have a motorcycle anymore!"

"Shadow, I swear to God, if you bitch at me..."

"I already am bitching at you!"

"Then you can walk home _alone_." He turned and started walking away.

"Fine! Bitch!"

Hiei hesitated, then kept walking, ignoring her. She paused, glancing at the men lying around her unconscious, then at her ruined motorcycle, then at Hiei's retreating form, and let out a wail.

"Wait, Hiei! I'm sorry!" She ran after him and grabbed his arm, but he pulled it out of her grip. "Hiei! I said I'm sorry!"

"Hn."

"Please forgive me?"

"Please? Pretty please with cherries and whipped cream on top?"

"...Hn."

She hesitated, trembling, before she let out yet another howl and threw herself to her knees and placed her palms and forehead on the ground. "Please forgive me, Hiei! I love you! I was a bitch! I'm sorry! Please forgive me?"

He stopped walking. That was a start.

"Please?"

"How will you make it up to me?"

"I'll give you a blowjob!" she said, standing up. He looked thoughtful. "Two?"

"It's tempting."

"Really? How about if I wait on you hand and foot tomorrow? And I'm really sweet and nice to you the rest of today? I was a bitch! I'm sorry!"

"Fine. I accept your apology."

"Does that mean I have to give you two blowjobs?"

"Not now, but I'll remember this if you ever want something from me."

"Oh, thank you, Hiei!" She kissed him. "Now there's just the matter of it being my birthday, and we have a date tonight!"

Much to their surprise, when they arrived home, Ryu, Kurama, and Eclipse were waiting in the living room.

"What the hell are you bozos doing here?" Hiei asked cordially.

"We came to make sure you and Shadow look nice for each other tonight," Kurama said.

"And look nice for everyone else," Ryu added.

"Stupid kitsune," Hiei muttered, pulling Shadow along behind him as he headed for the stairs.

"Hey, you dumb little freak! They want to make you two irresistably sexy for your date, where you two will be _alone together_--though granted it'll be in public--for several hours, drinking champaign and eating fancy food that'll cost a shitload of money!" Eclipse snapped.

"You can't make Hiei look any sexier than he does already," Shadow insisted.

"I bet we could," Ryu said. Shadow let go of Hiei's hand and stepped back, examining him for a second.

"Yeah, right now he's just hot... You know when he looks really great? Fresh out of a real hard fight." She grinned, continuing in a lower voice. "When his hair's all mussed up, and his clothes are ripped and he's sweating and bleeding..."

There was an audible snap as Ryu realized his jaw was kinda just hanging there and quickly shut his mouth, snapping his teeth together. Shadow ignored it in favor of continuing to Sexy Hiei Scenario #2.

"Another time when he's really hot is when he's just out of the shower, and he's all wet and steamy..."

"And naked?" Eclipse offered sardonically. Shadow grinned.

"And naked," she added, choosing to ignore the tone of Eclipse's voice.

"You've seen him naked?" Kurama asked.

"No... But I have seen him nearly naked, and been tempted to jump on him and rape him..."

"You can't rape the willing," Eclipse reminded.

"Shut up, hag," Hiei snapped.

Shadow put her hands on Hiei's shoulders and leaned in close to his ear, whispering, "You're so damn hot, Hiei."

"I know," he sighed, like it was a great burden. "I know..."

"You're vain," Kurama said.

"Oh, like you have any room to talk, with that stupid fox you've got in your head!" Shadow snapped. "Hiei _is_ sexy!"

"So is Youko," Eclipse said. Shadow stared at her.

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing," the other girl yelped, suddenly realizing what she'd said.

"Guys!" Ryu whined. "Who is Youko!"

"I told you yesterday! He's my ex!" Shadow said.

"Wait, is he the abusive one you were talking about in Health that one time?"

"No," Shadow said. "Youko was really sexy, but him and I just aren't compatible like Hiei and me are."

"Oh yeah? And how are you and Hiei compatable?" Eclipse asked. "You two have _nothing_ in common."

"Exactly! Opposites attract!"

"You do so have things in common," Ryu offered. "You're hot, he's hot. You wear black, he wears black. You live in the same house..."

"...Neither of you has any respect for authority," Kurama picked up. "Your weapon of choice is the sword. Both of you are pyromaniacs. You both have strong survival instincts."

"Both of you are bloodthirsty maniacs... Either at one time or another, you've both had world domination plots. You've both got awful tempers..." Eclipse added. "And you both have a death fixation."

"I do not," Shadow retorted. "I just like to eat the souls of small children!"

"I don't have an awful temper, either," Hiei said. "I resent that. An awful temper is somebody like Yusuke's girlfriend, who flies off the handle when he breathes wrong."

"So true," Eclipse said. "So none of my contributions had any merit. You're both assholes."

"Am not," they replied simultaneously.

"That's something they've got in common," Kurama said. "They're both jerks."

"Thanks," they again replied in unison. Then they glared at each other.

"Anyways, that's not why we're here," Ryu said pointedly.

"Oh yeah!" Kurama chirped. He strode foreward and linked one arm in one of each Shadow's and Hiei's. "Upstairs we go."

"What! Why? It's only 4:00!" Hiei yelped.

"And your reservations are for 7:30."

"It's not gonna take three and a half hours to get ready, is it?"

"Well, you've got to take into consideration the fact that you're driving there at speed limit, and you want to get there a little early, so we've got to allow at least a half an hour for the transportation... And you're _not_ riding your motorcycle."

Shadow stopped dead, nearly tripping Kurama. "My motorcycle!" she wailed, throwing herself into Hiei's arms.

"Nice one, fox."

"What'd I do?"

"Shadow doesn't _have_ a motorcycle anymore."

"What?"

"The mob trashed it. We decided that Slut-face probably has mob connections too, and she told them to come kill Shadow so she wouldn't show her mother those pictures."

"NO! MORE! MOTORCYCLE!" the girl was wailing.

"Wow. That has to suck."

"Yeah, so don't mention it. I'll get her a new one eventually."

"Okay. I won't say another word."

"All gone... all gone..." Shadow was crying. Hiei made shushing noises and held her until she calmed down. By then, it was 4:15.

"Okay, I'm alright now. I'm ready to go get beautiful so I can enjoy my date," she said, sniffling and stepping back from Hiei's embrace.

"Excellent," Kurama said. He and Ryu guided the couple up the stairs, leaving Eclipse sitting there in the living room humming The Star-Spangled Banner.

"First off, you two need to be in separate rooms," Kurama said, pushing Shadow into her room and Hiei into the guest bedroom across the hall that served as the fox's own during his stays. They stood in the doorways blinking cluelessly at their caretakers.

"So, which one of you is gonna be picking and prodding at who?" Shadow asked. Hiei reached out and grabbed Kurama's sleeve, pulling him into the room.

"No offense, Ryu," he said.

"None taken."

"Good."

Shadow stood aside as Ryu walked into her messy bedroom, flashed a smile at Hiei, and shut the door. Kurama looked to Hiei.

"What was that smile?"

"I don't know," the little demon dismissed. "She's probably gonna rape him or something."

"...Oh..."

"So what the hell are you going to spend three hours doing to me?" Hiei asked, shutting the door and leaning on it with his arms crossed. The fox shrugged.

"Making you pretty."

One eyebrow raised slightly. Kurama sighed.

"Fine. Making you look romantic and handsome."

Hiei rolled his eyes. "I guess it's better than pretty."

"It is."

"I'm gonna take a shower," he said, opening the door.

"Fine. Twit."

Hiei stuck out his tongue, then left.

Shadow, meanwhile, was being more productive. Ryu had had her take down her hair instantly, and he was examining her and muttering to himself. This continued for half an hour, with him occasionally touching her hair or trying some odd style. She stood there like a wax manequin, only moving when he told her to.

After a bit more, he sighed. "Let's work on a dress. What do you think you should wear?"

Shadow grinned and pulled a pencil and sketchpad out of her pocket, glaring as Ryu tried to hover over her shoulder. He stepped back submissively and watched her scribble furiously on the paper, her tongue between her teeth.

"There!" she chirped, turning the paper so he could see it.

"Wow. I never knew you were an artist."

"What do you think of the dress, dipweed?"

Ryu shook his head. "Too short. Too revealing."

"But--!"

"You're going in public!"

The girl groaned and rolled her eyes, then set to work on another drawing.

Long ago, Hiei had finished with his shower and was now lying on Kurama's bed with his fingers intertwined behind his head and his eyes closed, totally ignoring anything the fox had to say.

"Are you listening to me?"

"Huh?"

"I didn't figure." There was a short pause, in which Hiei lapsed back into totally ignoring the fox. Kurama noticed this and decided to test his friend.

"Youko wants your body, Hiei."

The little demon sat bolt upright. "**_What!_**"

Kurama laughed. "Just testing you. Now will you listen?"

"No."

"Fine. Let's see what we can do about getting you a tux." He opened the door and crossed the hall, knocking on Shadow's door.

"What?" came irritably from inside.

"We kinda need Hiei's tux. Are you decent?"

"Yeah, I'm decent, stupid fox. Get your ass in here and help me out."

Kurama raised an eyebrow and opened the door. An odd sight met his eyes.

There were papers scattered everywhere, as well as pencil shavings and pencil stubs. Shadow was drawing violent scenes of death all over sketch paper and scribbling an overabundance of red ink all over them. Ryu was tied up and gagged in the corner.

"What the hell happened here!" the fox asked. Hiei, from the doorway, snorted and started laughing.

"Ryu here won't accept any of my ideas for my dress!"

Kurama picked up a few of the papers, glancing at them. "I can understand why. These are all way too revealing."

The fox barely dodged a sharpened pencil projectile aimed at his eye.

"What was that for!"

"That's the same thing he said! I _could_ go totally _goth!_" she snapped, scribbling a drawing of herself with piercings and tattoos in a totally gothic-looking black dress as she spoke.

"Give me that," the fox snapped, snatching the paper and pencil. He drew a fairly good sketch of a nice dress and showed it to Shadow. "That. Make it. Wear it. And get Hiei a tux."

"I'm in a bad mood now. I can't."

"Hiei! Fix it!" Kurama snapped, pointing to her. "She's broken! Fix her!"

"I can't do that."

"Yeah you can, jerk. Just kiss her and mutter sweet nothings."

"That won't work..."

"Oh, shove it. You want your date to totally suck?"

Shadow hit him over the head with the sketchbook. "Shut up, jerk!" She looked at the drawing again and reached in her pocket, withdrawing a dress that looked almost exactly like Kurama's sketch. She reached in her pocket again and pulled out a tux for Hiei and tossed it at Kurama.

"Happy? Jerk!"

"Yeah. And untie Ryu, would you?"

She pouted for a second before getting up and untying him.

"Oh, don't pout," Hiei said, pulling her against him. "You'll enjoy yourself tonight. I promise."

"Really?"

"I swear. Tonight's ours. Meaning--" He looked pointedly at Kurama. "--that we're going to spend it alone together."

The fox held his hands up in surrender. "We'll leave the second you get home."

"Leave _before_ we get home."

"Fine. Then how are you gonna get home from the restaurant?"

There was a pause.

"Walk?" Hiei suggested.

"Uh-huh. Right. I'll take you guys there and pick you up, okay? But nobody will be here when you get home. If anyone is, you can throw them off the roof. I promise."

"Thank you, Kurama. You're a real sweetheart," Shadow said sweetly, smiling. She wrapped her arms around Hiei, placing one hand on the back of his head to draw his mouth to hers for a kiss.

"We'd better get you two ready. We've got about an hour and a half left, now," Ryu said. Shadow pulled away from Hiei quickly and furiously, pointing to her door.

"You! Are leaving! You're no help to me! I've got my dress, and I can do my own makeup, thank you! You're banished from my presence, servant!"

Ryu walked away with slouched shoulders. Kurama raised an eyebrow at her, then grabbed Hiei's sleeve and dragged him away from the girl before they got too comfortable. Shadow slammed the door behind them as they left.

"Guys are useless!" she shouted as the lock clicked. "Except for sex and pleasure!"

"Thanks, koi," Hiei returned with a bit of annoyance.

"You know I love you!"

"**Hiei's going to get ready for his date now, Shadow. You should do the same**," Kurama said firmly, pushing Hiei into his room.

"Fine! Jerk!"

_**

* * *

**_

By approximately 7:00, both were ready to go. Hiei was leaning against the wall across from Shadow's room when she opened the door, appearing in her black dress with her hair up and the bare minimum of makeup on her face. Hiei smiled.

"You're beautiful."

"And you're sexy."

He kissed her cheek, taking her hand.

"C'mon, kids. I guess I'm playing taxi driver tonight," Kurama said, heading down the hall. They reluctantly followed, Hiei's arm around Shadow's waist as they walked. To tell the truth, all either of them really wanted to do was stay home and perhaps jump on the other and make love to them... but, each reminded themselves, sex would wait until Shadow's resolution wore out, until they'd been together as a couple longer, until Shadow was willing to give up the immortality of virginity, until Shadow was 18 and it wouldn't be considered rape...

"Eighteen," Shadow sighed, knowing Hiei was thinking the same things as her. "One more whole year..."

"It's really only against the law if someone finds out," Hiei reminded.

"We could always run off to Makai and fuck. There's no rules there. They molest children and no one thinks them any worse people for it. They screw all over the place with people of whatever gender they want and no one thinks them any worse for it."

"They also murder, steal, rape, torture, and lie," Kurama reminded.

Eclipse glanced up when they entered the dining room and cracked up laughing.

"You guys look--"

"Great," Kurama said threateningly.

"...great," the girl finished meekly.

"Why thank you, Eclipse," Shadow said, smiling. "Thank you for that unsolicited compliment."

"Uh... sure, no problem... Freak."

"Thank you for that, too," she said as she left the house with Hiei's hand in hers. Kurama led them out to the car, even opened the door for them. He drove them to the restaurant, opened the door for them again, grinning.

"Enjoy yourselves. You have your cell phone, Hiei?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, then just call me when you're about done, and I'll come get you."

"Sounds fine."

"And do try to behave. Don't scare anyone at neighboring tables. Don't scare the waiters. Act like civilized beings. Especially you, Shadow."

"Oh, shut up. You got me in a dress, wearing makeup, with my hair done up all wacky-like... If I'm dressed out of character, I might as well act out of character as well. I won't sniff at the food like it might be poisoned, I won't dissect it looking for pills and drugs and oddly-colored bits of vegetable, I won't... uh... Well, I can act like a normal human, okay?"

"Alright. Not like it'll hurt me any if you act like nutjobs..."

"We're going to dinner now, fox. Bye," Hiei said pointedly. Kurama waved and got back in the car, pulling back into traffic and driving away. He watched in the rearview mirror as Hiei led Shadow into the restaurant, then concentrated on driving. Maybe if he could get rid of Ryu when he reached Shadow's house, he could have some time with Eclipse.

He wasn't sure why he wanted to be alone with her, since she was utterly and completely out of her mind, but he liked being with her. She acted semi-sane when no one else was around but him. It was amazing how different she could be from one minute to the next. Maybe that wasn't a good thing. Perhaps she was totally out of her mind for real. Or maybe she'd just been hanging around Shadow for too long. But he still liked her for some unexplicable reason.

Ryu must have read his mind, because the second he walked into the house, the other boy was headed out the door.

"I figure I should probably be getting home, y'know... It's not late or nothin', but I got a lot of homework and stuff, so, see you later. Tell me when Shadow plans on totally ruining Arisa's life."

"We'll make sure you know about it," Kurama said. "Ja mata ne."

"Ja mata," Ryu said, leaving. The fox smiled and walked into the doorway of the living room. Eclipse was lying on the couch, but he could not see her.

"Eclipse?"

Her head popped up and she looked around quickly. Kurama chuckled. He was comically reminded of something he'd seen on a kid's movie once... Dancing meerkats.

He didn't have a whole lot of time to think about that, though, because the second Eclipse saw him, she lunged over the back of the couch and tackled him in a hug.

"Kurama!"

"Hey," he said, kissing her cheek.

"We're alone in Shadow's house," she whispered. "What should we do?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I'm torn between making out with you and ransacking her and Hiei's bedroom."

"Why not both? They'll be gone for a couple hours at least."

"Excellent idea. Let's relocate."

"To?"

"Her room. Ransack first. Kiss later."

"Alright," the fox said reluctantly. He saw where her interests lay most strongly.

They got up and headed for Shadow's bedroom. Eclipse instantly went to the nightstand drawers. Kurama sat on the bed and glanced around the room, then he went to the closet. He opened it. There was nothing inside but clothes. What a disappointment. He started going through the clothes, and his eyes widened a bit.

"Eclipse?"

The girl looked up as he pulled an outfit out of the closet. Her jaw dropped.

"That's like, a pole dancer's outfit! Ew! Wonder what she does with that?"

"Yeah, like you really have to wonder," the fox muttered, rolling his eyes as he replaced the outfit and continued snooping. He found several more questionable outfits, but none quite as bad as the first.

The only other questionable thing found in the entire bedroom was a pair of handcuffs in the nightstand drawer, which Kurama recognized as the pair Youko had given Shadow on Christmas, and the pair with which both the fire demon lovers had been chained to the bed at least on one occasion he knew of. He chuckled a bit.

"Well it seems they're fairly innocent after all," he said, sitting on the bed. Eclipse pouted.

"Yeah, right... They're nympho sex fiends and just good at hiding the evidence..."

"Were you expecting to find condoms or something?"

Eclipse shrugged.

"I don't figure Hiei would bother," the fox informed her.

"Why not? Does he _want_ to get her pregnant?"

Kurama shrugged, pulling her onto the bed next to him. "I doubt it, but she probably wouldn't anyways."

"Why? Is Hiei sterile? Can demons control that sort of thing? Maybe he's like a Koorime and only gets pregnant once every 100 years."

Kurama raised an eyebrow. "Hiei can live as long as he wants and never get pregnant. He's male, and men are blessed with the inability to bear children."

"Well then maybe he's only able to make a baby every 100 years or something funky like that. Y'think?"

"I don't personally care about whether Hiei gets Shadow pregnant or not, nor do I care about the specifics of his sperm and impregnating abilities. You ask too many questions." He drew her close and kissed her.

Only one concern was ever on his mind when he was physically close to Eclipse: Youko. The fox constantly harassed him when he was with the girl, and he was always a little nervous that his alter ego would make him do something he'd regret. So far, though, the kitsune had behaved himself, and other than harassing and taunting and teasing endlessly, had left Kurama to handle his relationship with the girl how he saw fit. And right now, he saw it fit to make out with her on his best friend's bed.

_**

* * *

**_

His best friend, meanwhile, was enjoying dinner with his girlfriend. The couple was discussing little things that they never had time to discuss at home (about all they ever did at home was hang all over each other and sleep, since they couldn't do that at school or while Hiei was at the police station).

"How's your grades doing again? Did you start to pull those up?"

Shadow shrugged. "Yeah. No problem."

"That's good. So that play thing is tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"What's that about again?"

"Nothing that would interest you, but you're gonna go see it anyways because you love me."

"I already knew that. But what's it about?"

"There's these two families that hate each other for some stupid, unknown reason, and the only children of the two families fall in love, secretly get married, some stupid stuff happens, and they both kill themselves because they loved each other so much even though they'd only known each other for four days, tops."

Hiei tilted his head to the side. "This is some classic great literature?"

"Yeah."

"Something that stupid is held in such high regards?"

"Well, it's more the author that's held in high regards, but yeah, there's all kinds of Romeo and Juliet references all over the place every day..."

"Sounds pretty retarded to me."

"Oh, it is. It's very, very stupid. You won't be able to understand a word they say, either."

"Yeah, I kinda picked that up from the recitations you've spouted off at me."

She smiled sweetly. "So, you ready for the talent show?"

"Huh?"

"Our swordplay demonstration. You ready?"

"Are we doing something specific, or are we just gonna jump around and try to hit each other?"

"We could do a training exercise or something..."

"What are you and Eclipse doing?"

Shadow grinned. "Song and dance, my love."

"Oh. Great," he said sarcastically.

"It is."

"Riiight."

"Shut up and eat your vegetables."

Hiei looked slightly confused, but opted to ignore her.

_**

* * *

**_

Kurama and Eclipse fell asleep on Hiei and Shadow's bed. The redhead luckily had kept his cell phone in his pocket or he'd never have woken up to go get the fire demons from their date. When his phone rang, he nearly jumped out of his skin. Grabbing the offending device, he nearly flung it out the window, then realized the display said it was Hiei. He glanced at the clock. It was nearing 9:30. He regained his composure and answered his phone.

"Moshi moshi," he said.

"What the hell took you so long to answer?"

"It didn't take me long," he argued. Then he told him, "I was asleep."

"Oh were you. You're not screwing Eclipse in my house, are you?"

"No, no..."

"In your house?"

"No, Hiei."

"In hers?"

"Hiei."

"Sorry."

"I assume you want me to come pick you up?"

"Yes, that would be nice."

"Did you enjoy yourselves?"

"Yes, we did. Now get your ass over here. I'm paying the bill. You'd better be here within two minutes of us getting outside. Ja mata." He hung up. Kurama shook his head as he did as well. Eclipse was looking at him curiously.

"I've got about five minutes to get over there."

"But it takes longer than that to get there, doesn't it?"

"At speed limit on a moderately crowded road, yes."

"Oh... So what happens if you're late?"

"Shadow will probably chain me up and beat me."

Eclipse paused. "I'll drive." She jumped up and ran out of the room. Kurama sprang up and ran after her, calling for her to stop.

She did drive, and they did get there just as Hiei and Shadow were leaving the restaurant.

"Aren't they cute?" Kurama asked, elbowing Eclipse.

"Uh-huh," she replied sarcastically. The fox got out and opened the door for the couple, grinning at them.

"What's that stupid smile for?" Hiei asked irritably.

"Nothin'," Kurama replied, shutting the door and opening the driver's side door. "Out, Eclipse."

"You're just dumping me out on the side of the road someplace? Thanks a lot!"

"No, you're getting in the passenger's seat. I'm driving home."

"Uh-huh, that's what you think."

"It's my car. Get your ass out now, before I drag you out."

"Uh-huh, that's what you--"

"**GET IN THE PASSENGER'S SEAT, DAMMIT!**" Shadow screamed. Eclipse jumped into the passenger's seat instantly. Kurama got in the car and they were on their way home.

"So, what are you two going to do for the rest of the night?" Eclipse asked suggestively, turning around in her seat.

"Turn around and put on your seatbelt," Hiei commanded.

"You don't have _yours_ on."

"Because I'm better than you. Now turn around."

"Are you two gonna screw? I think that'd be an excellent birthday present for Shadow."

"We're not going to screw. Turn around. You're like a little child," Hiei snapped.

"Am not."

"Are so."

"Am not."

"Are so."

"Am not."

"Is too."

"Huh?"

"Exactly. Now turn around."

Eclipse stared for a minute, until Shadow pressed her body against Hiei's chest and their lips met. Then the other girl sighed and turned around, pouting.

"They're making out in the back of your car, fox."

"I know. I don't mind, considering."

"Considering what?"

"You know."

"Um... No, I don't."

They conveniently pulled up at a stoplight and he leaned over and kissed her gently at first, then slid his hand behind her head, pulling her closer and flicking his tongue along her lower lip. She opened her mouth and Hiei cleared his throat.

"Light's green," he said plainly. Kurama pulled away, startled, and focused on driving the remainder of the way home, ignoring Hiei's smirk. It was one of those annoying smirks you can almost _feel_, drilling into the back of your head... When he glanced in the rearview mirror to glare at the smirk, he saw Hiei sitting there with Shadow on his lap, kissing and sucking and licking his neck.

"Are you sure you two aren't gonna fool around when we leave you home alone?"

"Are you sure _you two_ aren't gonna fool around when you leave us home alone?" Hiei retorted.

"We may," Kurama replied vaguely. "You?"

"We will," Shadow said. "The only thing uncertain is how far we'll go."

"Well keep in control of yourselves, would you? The last thing I want to put up with in a year is... baby... _you_'s."

"Yeah, you'd cope," she retorted. "I don't want to get knocked up quite yet." She tenderly kissed Hiei's lips. "Get that, Hiei? No babies."

"Neither of us wants kids, koi. I'm not going to knock you up and make you bear my child."

"Good to hear," Kurama said.

They pulled up outside Shadow's house a short time later and Hiei opened the door. He paused with one leg out of the car, staring at Eclipse and Kurama with a raised eyebrow. They were kissing.

"Just couldn't wait, could you?" Shadow teased. "You sure you two aren't a couple?"

"They're a couple of lustful teenagers, that's what," Hiei said, grabbing Shadow's hand and pulling her out of the car with him. He leaned back inside before shutting the door and said, "We'll see you two lovebirds at school tomorrow."

The couple went directly up to Shadow's room. She changed her clothes in the blink of an eye with her trademark spinny-in-a-circle thing. Hiei, however, didn't have any powers of doom, and grabbed some pants and a shirt, making to leave the room to change, but Shadow jumped on him and made him sit on the bed. She straddled him.

"I can think of a better way," she murmured, pushing his jacket down his arms. He smiled and kissed her.

"I thought we weren't gonna have sex?"

"We're not, koi," she answered. "I'm just gonna help you change your clothes. It's more fun this way."

Hiei smiled. "It certainly is." Shadow removed his tie and went to work on his shirt, kissing down his chest as she pulled each button open. Gently tugging the bottom of the shirt out of his pants, she pushed that off his shoulders too, running her hands down his arms as she removed it completely.

"I love you," he said. She kissed his lips gently.

"I know. And I love you too. Stand up."

She wrapped her legs around his middle as he stood, and though he knew she had plenty of strength to hold herself up, he put his hands on her ass to hold her. Her hands squeezed his shoulders, then she moved one to the back of his head to draw him into a passionate kiss. Hiei moaned, and she reluctantly pulled back a bit--just enough so he could talk without having her tongue in his mouth.

"How are we ever going to keep doing this without snapping one day?" he asked quietly, slightly out of breath. They were so close his lips nearly touched hers when he talked and they were breathing each others' exhales.

"We aren't." She kissed his lips gently. "But we have to." She kissed him tenderly again. "At least until New Year's."

"It's only April," he noted.

"We can make it eight months, can't we? We've made it this far." She pressed her open mouth against his, sucking on his tongue when he slid it into her mouth. He moaned, and she stopped, opening her mouth against his. They continued for a few more minutes, the kiss getting wetter, more frantic and fierce, until they both got control and pulled away, eyes opening wide. When he finally managed to regain composure enough to speak, Hiei said, "Barely."

"What?"

"You said we made it this far. I say barely."

"Oh yeah," she dismissed, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her forehead on his. "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

Trusting Hiei to support her, Shadow unlocked her legs from around him and put her feet on the ground. His hands moved to rest on her lower back, at the top of her shorts. She grabbed the top of his pants and tugged downwards slightly.

"Can I?"

He paused, then nodded.

A few minutes later, Hiei was in a clean, comfortable set of clothes, and Shadow had his tux and her dress all tucked away in the closet (right alongside her slutty clothes). She shut the cloest door and leaned on it, looking at Hiei for a minute.

"What now?"

"Now?" He shrugged. "We should probably get out of the bedroom."

"Good call." She took his hand and they left the room. "You don't have to work tonight, do you?"

Hiei paused, then pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and opened it, dialing Kyouken's office phone. It rang once, then the man answered.

"Tokyo Police, Police Chief Kyouken speaking."

"Hey, Kyouken," Hiei said. "I figured you'd be pretty pissed if I didn't give you a bit of forewarning that I'm not coming to work tonight."

"Jaganshi, you bastard!"

"I'm feeling a bit out of it tonight. It'd be a terrible thing if I came to work in my state and something awful happened, wouldn't it?"

"N--"

"I thought so. Sayonara. Jerk." He hung up and looked at Shadow. "Nope, I don't have to work."

The girl chuckled. "I love the way you handled that. Very professional."

"Thank you. What do you say we take a walk?"

"A moonlit walk through the forest? I say we go for it."

"Excellent."

Shadow didn't even bother to change her clothes--which, incidentally, were merely her skimpy pajamas... poor Hiei... She put on a pair of knee-high boots, which made Hiei chuckle because she looked kind of like a hooker. They left, hand-in-hand, and wandered through the forest for hours.

After the first hour, they ran into Karasu at a stream. Hiei looked a bit unhappy, but Shadow soothed him with a kiss and waved to the crow demon. He jumped the stream and stood next to Hiei, smiling warmly.

"What brings you two out here at such an hour of the night?"

"It's my birthday," Shadow said, grinning. "We're just wandering around, spending quality time together."

"In the middle of the woods. Very romantic," Karasu noted.

"It is," Shadow agreed, ignoring his sarcasm. "Nobody else is around."

"Except you," Hiei added.

"I detect hostility, Hiei," Karasu said. "Do you really hate me that much?"

"I hate you, but I don't know how much you're implying I hate you."

"What?"

"Exactly."

Shadow blinked. "Hiei, you're picking up on my mannerisms. That's absolutely forbidden. You're supposed to be aloof. I'm supposed to be stupid."

"You _are_ stupid."

"Thanks. But that's not the point."

"What is the point, then?"

"I love you."

"What? How is that the point?"

"I don't know. It's just the first thing that came to mind." She kissed him tenderly.

"Well, it was nice seeing you two lovebirds and all, but-- Say, Kurama's not at your house, is he?" Karasu asked hopefully.

"Nope. Sorry. He's home with Eclipse, I think."

"With Eclipse? You mean, with Eclipse, or... _with_ Eclipse?"

"They're probably making out," Hiei said bluntly. Karasu gasped. Shadow took his hand in her free one.

"I'm sorry, Karasu," she lamented.

"You mean, he's... he's with her... like that?"

"They're friends with benefits, to the farthest reaches of my knowledge," Shadow said. "So technically, he's still free game."

"Oh! Oh, thank God! Shadow, you're an angel." He kissed her cheek. Her eye twitched, and Hiei flat out punched the crow.

"Don't touch her again," he snarled.

"I'm sorry!" Karasu said. He got up and scurried away like a hurt dog. The remainder of their walk went over without incident, except for a few times when one or the other ended up pinned to trees or on their back on the ground in a sudden burst of lust... However, they both kept all their clothes on (not like Shadow was wearing many to begin with) and made it home around midnight to sleep, safe and sound, in each others' arms.

Awwwwwwwww...

* * *

**Didn't the lack of R-rated stuff frighten you?** There wasn't any r-rated stuff, was there? I just finished reading this, I should remember... Anyways, my point is... KARASU GOT PUNCHED! Ha ha ha, sadistic bastard deserved it... _-sighs-_ Boy do I love Karasu.  
And didn't my prompt update frighten you as well? I figured I'd better update quick before some other nutjob decided to give me 26 invalid reviews. **If anyone else DARES to do that, I will** **BLOCK YOU AND THEN SEND YOU SO MANY BAD VIBES THROUGH YOUR COMPUTER THAT THE NEXT TIME YOU SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF IT, YOU'LL BE TORN LIMB FROM LIMB BY MY FIERY MINION OF HELL!**

**However, I send out abig, warm thank you to all my VALID reviewers. I love you all like a dictator loves her minio- Er, I mean, like a mother loves her children. **_-cough, cough... Good save... cough...-_


	28. Kokuei

**(7-3-05) Eclipse got back from vacation today. **_-has a party-_** Thank her for this update. I'm feeling happy, so I updated again. Anyways... I got rid of all of the stupid anonymous pointless reviews I was complaining about, so I only have 896 reviews now. Ha. Only. That's a freakin' LOT. THANK YOU.  
So, five chapters left including this one.  
**I think that's all I have to say...  
**Warnings:** I don't think there's anything too major in here. Kissing. Shadow's typical psychotic perversion... Otherwise, I don't think there's much. But I read this the same day I last updated, so I don't remember. I don't read looking for perverted stuff, I read for typos and to make sure it doesn't have some wacky stuff in it that doesn't make sense with the rest of the story.

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT  
**Kokuei

The following morning in school, Arisa found Shadow and pulled her aside rather roughly. Shadow allowed it and looked at her expectantly, smiling.

"Good morning, Arisa-san!"

"Here's your fuckin' bribe, Whore-Face." She held a rolls of bills up in Shadow's face.

"Sweet Jesus!" the girl yelped, snatching the money and pulling the rubber bands off it. "There's gotta be $300 here! Did you get this shit from prostituting?"

"Is it enough?"

"Heck yes! Thank you!" She smiled sweetly. "Mommy dearest won't find out... Assuming Nakada leaves me the fuck alone?"

"He will."

"He'd better!"

Shadow skipped everywhere merrily for the remainder of the day. Until Kurama reminded her, "Hey, you're in a play tonight. You can't be all giddy then, so take a chill pill."

She fell flat on her face and had to be dragged to her next class by her ankle.

Directly after school, she and the fox reported to the auditorium. They occupied themselves preparing for the play. Shadow and Kurama had hooked up Hiei and Eclipse with front row seats.

A few minutes before they were ready to go out on stage, Tamura gave the cast a pep talk.

"Okay, everyone! This is the big production we've been waiting for! We've worked hard, spent our time and energy on this play for months!"

"Except me," Shadow said. Kurama kicked her. Tamura continued as if she hadn't heard her.

"This is opening night, so I can understand if you're nervous. Don't be. Pretend there's no one there, and you'll be fine!"

"We're fine anyways, Tamura-sensei," Shadow drawled. Kurama kicked her again.

As the play began, Kurama gave Shadow a pep talk of his own.

"Please, _please_ don't screw this up. I know Hiei's out there in the audience, but you can be mature and act like you did during all our rehearsals. Okay? Promise."

"I promise, Kurama-sama."

Meanwhile, out in the audience, Eclipse noticed Hiei was struggling to understand a single word of the play. She leaned over and began translating for him.

"The Montagues and the Capulets hate each other and those two jerks are provoking those other jerks and now they're fighting cuz they're jerks, and now the Prince is breaking them up and saying, 'If you fight anymore I'll have you killed.'"

"Ah. Thank you," Hiei said. "Why'd it take so long for them to say it?"

"It's just how it is. Shh. Kurama's on here soon..."

When Kurama came onstage, both Hiei and Eclipse snorted and started choking back laughter. He'd had to have a little adjustment done to his long beautiful hair, and it was all pulled back into a braid and dyed black. When he started talking, Hiei nearly choked on his own tongue to keep from laughing out loud. Those words just didn't belong in that boy's mouth.

Kurama heard them, he heard them all too well, but he showed no signs of it.

At the end of the scene, Hiei managed to relax. By that point, he had no idea what was going on and was totally lost, and so was Eclipse, so they just sat there and enjoyed snickering and making fun of Shakespeare until the balcony scene between Romeo and Juliet. Then both of them were suddenly quiet.

"It bothers me to see her kiss him," Hiei said.

"It bothers me to see him kiss her," Eclipse said.

"Are you sure you don't love that stupid fox?"

"Fairly certain."

"Hn." A short pause. "You sure? Cuz--"

"Shut up, Hiei, I'm trying to hear his beautiful voice."

Hiei groaned quietly and stared at the ceiling, hitting his head off the back of his seat in the process. How he managed to keep awake for the following hour and half was beyond anyone's comprehension, but he did, and at the climax of the play, when Kurama and Shadow ended up lying "dead" together, he let out something of a sigh of relief while everyone else was sobbing or clapping or whatever else they do at the end of 'tragic romance' plays.

As everyone else was filing out of the auditorium, he and Eclipse went backstage to talk to their friends. Shadow, still wearing a dress with a fake blood stain on the front, ran to Hiei and flung her arms around him, kissing both his cheeks then his lips before stepping back and bouncing excitedly from one foot to the other.

"Well? Did you like it?"

"I didn't hate it," Hiei said.

"That's all I expected. Thank you for wasting two hours of your life, koishii," Shadow said. "I wasted a heck of a lot more than two hours..." She shrugged. "Oh well. It was fun. I got free food a few times. And I got to kill myself!"

Hiei kissed her cheek. "How many more times do you have to put this show on?"

"Two. Saturday and Sunday."

"And how many more times is that kissing Kurama?"

"Um... I don't know. How many times did I kiss him?"

"More than I feel comfortable with."

"Oh, Hiei koishii." She kissed him lovingly. "You know I have no feelings for him! He's all for Eclipse!"

They looked over at the pair just as Eclipse and Kurama's lips touched for a passionate kiss. Both fire demons got quizzical looks on their faces.

"Are you sure they're not together?" Shadow asked. Hiei shrugged a bit.

"She insists she doesn't love him."

"So she's just in it for the sex?"

"She's not getting any sex."

"So she's just in it for the kissing and touching?"

"Apparently."

"What a whore. At least I love the guy I kiss."

"You kissed Kurama."

"It was a play, Hiei."

"Uh-huh, yeah, well it looked pretty real to me."

"That may have looked real, but it didn't feel real! When I kiss you, it's real! Because I love you and you know it and if you keep BITCHING about me kissing Kurama in some stupid school play, I'm never gonna suck on your nipples again!"

Hiei turned a distinct shade of pink. "You couldn't be any louder, could you?"

"What, is it embarassing? Why are you embarassed? You wouldn't be embarassed in the Makai, would you? Why should you care what a bunch of stupid ningens have to say about me sucking on your nipples?"

"Knock it off, would you? You're freaking out the readers!"

"Oh. Oh yeah... Well at least I wasn't talking about sucking your dick."

"Shadow, just shut up while you're ahead."

"But I'm not ahead."

"Then just shut up."

"Do you hate me? For kissing Kurama? For frightening the readers? I mean, I know you've got a real close relationship with Authoress Shadow, but just because she can't control me, she sic's you on me? I mean, it's like she's my mother and you're her pussywhipped lackey!"

"Shadow, shut up and change into your normal clothes. Can we go home?"

"Of course we can." She wandered off to the dressing rooms. Eclipse strolled over to Hiei, stood in front of him for a second looking at him, then threw her arms around him and hugged him until he gagged.

"What the fuck is wrong with you you sick psychotic son of a bitch Kurama-kissing weirdo! Let go of me! You're gonna make me die and you'll piss off my girlfriend!"

Eclipse let go and he fell to the ground with a loud thud. She bent down with her hands on her knees to look at him.

"Guess what? I have good news!"

"You're pregnant," Hiei guessed bitterly, standing up.

"Yup!"

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

"I'm totally kidding, Hiei. Take a chill pill, for the love of God almighty!"

Hiei sighed and sulked off to wait for Shadow. She came dancing out of the dressing rooms a second later in black shorty-short shorts, a skintight white spaghetti strap belly shirt, and black knee-high boots.

"Ready to go?"

"You didn't wear that to school today."

"Yeah I did. Under my jeans and t-shirt."

"Where's your jeans and t-shirt?"

She reached back into the dressing room, grabbed something, and pulled it out to show Hiei. It was an ankle-length black leather trench coat.

"In one of the pockets!" she said cheerfully. Hiei sighed.

"Put on the coat. Let's go."

She threw the coat on over her skimpy outfit, making her look rather odd indeed, and Hiei took her hand and led her towards the back exit.

They were walking home, so it was very easy for the mob to 'ambush' them when they did. Ten big muscle-bound thugs with lots of guns and ammo surrounded the couple. They were expecting some sort of upset reaction, but all they got was a stupid curious look from Shadow and a sigh from Hiei.

"You'd think you losers would give up already," he said.

"We're not here for you. We're after the girl."

"Oh?" Hiei said. Shadow twitched, then grabbed Hiei's shoulders, contorting her face into a sobbing look of horror.

"OH, PLEASE! Please, Hiei! Sacrifice me and run for it! I can take care of myself, _and_ all these fat ugly stupid bumbling musclebound good-for-nothing brainless thugs who think big guns are like an extension of their manhood so they use them because they have tiny little baby dicks and are horrible in bed!"

"Are you sure?" Hiei asked. "You just personally insulted ten guys twice your size."

"I can handle it, Hiei! They have little dicks! It's not like baby-dicked jerk-offs can hurt me!" she sobbed.

"That's IT!"

"GO, Hiei!" Shadow cried melodramatically, spinning Hiei and pushing him out of the circle just as ten guys--each weighing in around 350 pounds--lunged at Shadow.

Using agility only a female or Kurama could have, the girl did a series of insane acrobatics to dodge every single one of them. They got up quick enough, however, and began chasing her as she ran down the street.

"Wait, stupids! We have guns!" one guy yelled.

"Oh yeah!" nine voices chorused.

"Good one, meatheads!" Shadow yelled from way down the street. She made sure to stop right under a street lamp so they could all see her very well, and she waved and stood still. Just as the men were about to pull the triggers, something totally unexpected happened.

A large black, snarling blur lunged out of the nearby treeline and went for one guy's throat. Way down the street, Shadow dropped her arm and stared with big, wide, confused eyes as a huge shaggy dog tore at the guys' throats and hands and arms. From considerably closer, Hiei watched with equally wide eyes as three guys were taken down by a canine. The other seven peed their pants and took off running like giant pansies.

"What the hell was that?" Shadow asked flatly, walking up to the scene of carnage. The dog was giant and shaggy and had blood all over its muzzle and face.

"Shadow, explain to me why you were just defended by a dog."

"I haven't got a shit of a clue," the girl said plainly.

"That's not good."

"I could have taken care of myself, you know," the girl said to the dog, kneeling in front of it and taking the bloody muzzle in her hands without hesitation. "Yes I could have."

The dog gave her an exasperated "Don't you baby talk me, freak" look. Shadow sat back, her hands now bloody.

"What the hell's up with this?" Hiei asked. "Maybe it was some sort of dogfight competitor."

"I bet it whipped ass," the girl said. The dog glared and she hurriedly added, "Assuming you were a competitor, which I _never, ever_ said you were!"

"Shadow, what the hell! You're defending yourself to a dog! It's a dog! They're big furry stinky--JESUS CHRIST!"

Hiei found himself pinned to the ground under a huge snarling dog. A drop of blood fell from the furry muzzle to his cheek.

"This is freakin'... Freaky."

"Can we keeeep her?" Shadow asked. "PLEEEEASE?"

Hiei looked at the dog who was currently holding him to the ground with huge clawed paws. It was pure black from the tip of its bloody nose to the end of its shaggy tail. Its eyes were two-tone, the left eye being white and the right being brilliant sapphire blue. It had a long shaggy coat and perky ears which were currently laid back on its head as it continued to bare its fangs at Hiei. It had to be at least three feet high at the shoulder. Huge, giant dog.

"God, I'm sorry for insulting you!" Hiei snapped at the dog. It jumped away and he sat up. "What's with it? Figure out what its problem is so we can go home."

"What's your problem?" Shadow asked the canine bluntly. The dog barked and sat down, looking at her. The girl shrugged. "Apparently I've been stalked by a dog for the past week, and now she wants to live with us."

"What?" Hiei asked. "You're lame. If you want a dog, you don't need to make up some stupid story. I'm going home." He got up. "I don't care if you bring the dog home, as long as it doesn't get in the way."

"She has a name, you know! Stop calling her 'it'!"

"Then what's her name?"

"Shugotenshi!"

The dog gave her a 'Cut me a break' look.

"Kokuei?"

She cocked her head, then stood up and went to Shadow, wagged her tail a few times, and the girl smiled.

"Kokuei it is."

"You're bonding with a fuckin' dog..." Hiei moped. "Don't tell me I'm gonna be second rank now?"

"You're never second, Hiei." She wrapped her arms around him, making sure not to get her bloodied hands on him, and kissed him passionately. Keep in mind there's three dead 300-pound mobsters lying with torn throats in puddles of their own shiny deep red blood right next to them through all this.

Hearing police sirens in the distance, Hiei and Shadow broke their kiss and took off running hand in hand with a huge shaggy black bloody dog galloping behind them.

They arrived home easily and Hiei instantly had to change for work and be on his way. He was confronted by the seven remaining 300-pound gun-toting psychos on his way there.

"What the hell do you people want? Three of your guys got their throats ripped out by a rabid dog and you're gonna come back for more? Who says I don't have the dog with me again?"

Seven guns were raised and aimed at Hiei.

"Our guns say."

"Shit," Hiei said plainly. He startled them by running directly at them, using their huge muscular arms as steps up onto their shoulders, which he jumped over and tore off running at the fastest possible speed a human could possibly ever muster until he was out of sight, then he kicked it up and was at the police station in two seconds flat. He walked in panting. Saiko glanced up from his Subway sandwich with the look of a curious chipmunk with full cheek pouches.

"The mob again," Hiei answered before he attempted to ask through a mouthful of sandwich. He grabbed the other half of his partner's sub and took a bite, ignoring the muffled protest. When the young man could finally swallow, he snapped, "Gimme back my sandwich, bitch!"

Hiei tilted his head slightly to one side. "What was that?"

"Could you please give me back my sandwich, Hiei-san?"

"Um, lemme think for a second: Nope." He pulled out some money and tossed it to the guy. "Buy yourself another one if it matters so much, you glutton. I happened to have been at my girlfriend's school play and didn't get dinner."

"School play? Really? You mean Romeo and Juliet?"

"Uh... Yeah."

"My friend's daughter was in that... She played the nurse!"

"How exciting."

"What's gotten into you?"

Hiei shrugged, polishing off Hanshin's sandwich in one more bite and dusting his hands off on his shirt before spinning his chair to face his computer and clicking on Solitaire.

"Seriously, Hiei, you're being moody."

"I'm plotting murder. Don't bother me."

"For serious?"

"For serious."

"Holy God! You really are a psycho!"

"Yeah, well." He shrugged. "Don't tell."

"Is it anyone I know?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"No."

"Who is it?"

"You."

"What?" The man paled considerably. Hiei laughed.

"No, it's not you. It's nobody. I would never kill a human, Saiko, and I'm glad you have so much confidence in me."

"Oh! You're not really plotting murder?"

"Nope."

"I knew it all along! You don't seem the murdering type to me, Hiei..."

"Shut your trap, you liar."

Kyouken's office door flew open and slammed into the wall as he came striding out. The second he was out of the way, the glass shattered and fell to the ground. Hiei glanced up and swore loudly when he saw Kyouken was uninjured.

"There was an urgent call," Kyouken said, giving Hiei a death glare. "Three men were found dead on a sidewalk. Jaganshi, Satoya, Tokaji, Shimazaki! You guys go. There will be a team of paramedics arriving shortly."

Hiei sighed and got up, grabbing his coat. Saiko followed suit, as did the other two.

"What I don't understand is why they send paramedics when they're already dead..." Hiei muttered. Saiko shrugged and followed him out of the station.

Unlike most people, Hiei had extremely good control over his facial expressions, tone of voice, and perspiration at all times, even when he was totally aware of what had happened at a scene and just didn't feel like divulging the information (that had happened more than once since he'd started working with the cops). I mean, come on. If he said, "I was walking home with my girlfriend from the school play when ten huge guys with guns surrounded us and a giant shaggy dog came along and tore open their throats," people would probably think he was covering something up. He knew better than to tell wild tales like that. But he could act, and he had excellent self-control (which was useful more often than you'd think).

"Got any theories, Jaganshi-san?" Tokaji asked after he and the others had made their assumptions.

"They were attacked," Hiei said intelligently.

"We'd established this much," Saiko told him.

"Maybe it was a vampire. Look at the freaky fang marks."

"That looks more like a dog..." Saiko muttered. "Maybe it was a wolf?"

"Wolves don't live around here."

"A fox?"

"A fox could not tear open a man's throat."

"Then it was a domestic dog?"

"Possible. Probably should test 'em for rabies. A German Shepherd could do that."

"Why the hell do they have such huge guns?" Tokaji asked.

"Because they have small weiners and feel like the weapon is an extension of their manhood," Hiei said calmly.

"Is that what it is with you and your sword, Hiei?" Saiko taunted.

"I don't need a big weapon to feel confident about my sexuality. I've got a girlfriend who is very... very... reassuring."

"Hiei, when's the last time you got laid?" Saiko asked, leaning up against the car while the other two did all the work. Hiei hopped up onto the roof and lay down with his fingers intertwined behind his head and the lower halves of his legs dangling off the roof.

"Last time? Months ago." He shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. Sex is very reassuring if you've got low sexual self-esteem."

"I have high sexual self-esteem, Saiko."

"Why?"

"I have my reasons."

"WOULD YOU TWO JACKASSES GET YOUR JACKASSES OVER HERE AND HELP US!"

"Help what?" Saiko asked stupidly. Hiei slid up so he went off the car headfirst, caught himself on his hands, and flipped to his feet.

"What can I help you losers with today?" he asked, strolling over calmly.

Needless to say, Hiei was quite unconcerned with actually _working_... or getting paid, or pissing off Kyouken... Well, actually, he was concerned with pissing off Kyouken. He tried his hardest to make sure it was done.

Meanwhile, back home, Shadow had washed up Kokuei and herself and was fixing dinner for herself and the dog. While she did that, Kokuei wandered around the house. When she came back down to the kitchen for dinner, Norman the Weasel was perched on her back.

"Making friends?" Shadow questioned, grinning. "You fit right in here... No worries. You're like another one of the doom minions."

Norman climbed up Shadow's arm and sat on her shoulder as she ate dinner. Incidentally, she's eating dinner at 10:30 at night.

She was lounging around afterwards when there was a knock on the door. Getting up, she went to the door, opened it, and let out a choked, "Eep."

The seven remaining thugs with guns were standing outside her door. All seven guns were aimed at her head.

"Outside. Now."

"Why come outside? Just shoot me where I stand."

"No. Get out here."

"Why, so you can all gang bang me?"

"We don't want anything to do with a scrawny little girl like you!"

"A scrawny, sexy, muscular girl with big boobs and amazing endurance and strength. I bet all you guys could pound me into the mattress all seven in a row and I would still have strength left to make love to my boyfriend."

"You're full of yourself."

"I'm shit."

"What?"

"LOOK! A distraction!" She pointed behind them suddenly.

"Huh!" They all turned to look.

"HA! YOU'RE CONFUSED!" She slammed the door and lunged into the next room. The anticipated gunshots did not come. Instead, the doorknob turned and one of the guys walked inside, easily found Shadow, and dragged her towards the door by her neck. The man froze, however, when he heard a feral growl. He turned slowly to face...

Norman, the Supreme Weasel Minion of Uncontrollable Amounts of Rabid Man-Eating Weaselly Doom.

The guy got a stupid arrogant grin and swung his gun at Norman, who dodged and ran down the guy's arm to his wrist, where he started unleashing his man-eating weaselly doom.

"Don't get blood on my floor!" Shadow snapped. Norman instantly stopped chewing the guy's hand off and glared at her, the blue fur around his muzzle and on his face stained purple from the blood. "What? I'd have to clean, then. And he's probably got STDs." Norman gagged and spat blood all over the place. Kokuei tilted her head to the side with an amused look on her face.

The thug, meanwhile, was howling in pain. Shadow pulled out of his laxed grip and went kung-fu on his ass, then dragged his body out into the middle of the yard.

The remaining six mobster thugs aimed their guns. She took off running towards them, kicked one guy straight in the side of the head, knocking him over. She pulled out a cell phone from her pocket and called the police station.

"Hey! Police? I'm being attacked by the mob, and if you ignore me just because I'm Hiei's girlfriend I'm gonna find you and beat the living monkey shit out of you!" She paused as she dodged a few attacks. "Wrong number? Oops. Sorry."

"You call anyone on that and I'll shoot you!" one guy snapped. Shadow reached in another pocket and pulled out a _different_ cell phone, dialing the police station. When Kyouken answered, she repeated the message she'd given to the poor old lady in the nursing home. He chuckled and hung up.

"Son of a BITCH!" She threw the phone down, took one man's gun, and shot it into oblivion. Then she gave the gun back and took off running. "YOU CAN'T KILL ME! I HAVE TO BE JULIET!"

**

* * *

**

Hiei was in the car with Hanshin on the way back to the police station when he heard something familiar. It was a scream, coming from the right side of the road up ahead. A second later, a skantily clad girl very familiar to him rocketted across the road screaming, her arms waving around up above her head, far enough up ahead that Saiko didn't need to swerve. Hiei stared at her retreating form for a second, then looked to where she'd burst out of the trees on the side of the road. Seconds later, six large guys with guns came jogging out into the road, huffing and puffing like they'd just run a marathon. They, unlike Shadow, were _not_ far enough ahead by now that Saiko didn't have to swerve. He'd plowed into three of them before he managed to stop.

"Good job," Hiei complimented. He got out of the car and took off running after the three guys who hadn't been hit and were now running away from the police car as fast as their weary legs would allow. He delivered a few strategic kicks and they were lying in the middle of the road unconscious. Hanshin used the radio in the car to call for backup to ship all the guys back to the station. When he'd gotten out of the car, Hiei was no where in sight.

"HIEI?" he yelled. "YOU JERK, WHERE'D YOU GO?"

"He went running that way," Tokaji said, pointing to the left side of the road.

Hiei had indeed run after Shadow. He caught up to her and flittered to stand in front of her. She ran straight into him, knocking him onto his back on the hard ground.

"Oh, jeez! You need to work on your agility, Shadow!" he groaned. She pushed herself up with her hands, looking down at him.

"Hiei? Where'd you come from? I _thought_ my landing was a little cushiony..."

"Thanks... I think you broke my back..."

"Oh, you're being overdramatic. If I broke your back you wouldn't be moving."

"I'm _not_."

"OH MY GOD I BROKE YOUR BACK!" She started flipping out all over the place and rolled him over so he was laying on his stomach. He groaned.

"Shadow, I was joking!"

"SILENCE, CRIPPLE! LET ME HEAL YOU!" She laid on top of him and combed her fingers through his hair, kissing the back of his neck.

"I love the way you go from psycho to lover in two seconds flat," Hiei muttered, rolling over as she lifted herself to allow him. "This'll look real bad if someone comes looking for me."

"You'll notice them before they notice you, won't you? You're observant like that, aren't you?"

"Typically... Except when I'm really, really distracted."

"Well, since I had no time with you after school," she muttered, kissing him tenderly on the lips, "I want one real good kiss right now, then you can leave."

"One real good kiss and I won't _wanna_ leave."

"One real nasty, sloppy, wet, disgusting kiss and you wouldn't want to leave either, purely because it's me."

"Give me a nasty, sloppy, wet, disgusting kiss and we'll see about that, koi," Hiei challenged. Shadow grinned, licking the tip of his nose.

"As you wish." She wetted her lips and kissed Hiei's gently, then ran her tongue across his lips, nudging them open. He obediently let her into his mouth, where she explored a bit before her tongue trekked out of his mouth and up the middle of his face to the lower edge of his headband, where she left a wet kiss and pulled back to grin at him before pushing her tongue back into his mouth. His eyes opened wide for a second at the ferocity of her assault on his mouth and he moaned. Just as he closed his eyes again, he felt her wet tongue leave a path up his cheek from his mouth to his ear, which she sucked into her mouth, tracing the ridges with the tip of her tongue. Hiei squirmed.

"Okay, that's--AGH! Get your tongue out of my ear!" He shoved her away, wiping the saliva out of his ear and off his face. She was laughing.

"Nasty, huh?"

"Yes, nasty," he muttered, still trying to get his ear dry. "Now I need a good kiss or I'll be upset."

"Okay, okay," she muttered, gently pressing her lips to his. Their arms went around each other as the kiss deepened, hips pressing together, until breathing became a necessity that could no longer be ignored and Shadow pulled back, gasping, and rolled onto her back on the ground next to Hiei. After a second, Hiei sat up.

"Hanshin's coming," he said. A second later, Shadow heard in the distance, "JAGANSHI! HIEI? HEY!"

"Genius. Could never have guessed," she replied, sitting up. She kissed his cheek gently. "See you later, koishii."

"Yeah... tomorrow morning."

She smiled, got up, and ran back the way she'd come--a stupid move, to be sure, but Hiei didn't object. He knew she could handle herself. Usually. She ran right past Hanshin as he came seeking Hiei and he stared as she went straight back across the road and into the woods on the other side. Hiei himself came along a few minutes later with his hands in his pockets, innocent as could be.

"What was all that about?" Saiko asked. Hiei looked innocently puzzled.

"All what?"

"That girl just ran by again and... She looked pretty familiar."

"Yeah, because she's my girlfriend."

"Oh!" Saiko said cheerfully. "That _would_ explain it. Well come on, then. The reinforcements came and all the mobsters are going to prison."

"That's excellent."

The following day was Saturday, and Yusuke and Kuwabara showed up at Shadow's house while she and Hiei were still sleeping. He knocked on the door a few times until Kurama of all people answered.

"Hello, Yusuke," he said politely.

"What the heck are you doing answering their door?"

"They're asleep."

"So?"

"So it'd be best not to wake them. Come in."

"I want to talk to them, though."

"Why?"

"Cuz they're my friends!"

"If they were, you'd let them sleep."

"Are you gonna let me in, fox boy?"

A low growl from somewhere in the depths of the house answered him, and he peered past Kurama curiously.

"Um... What was that?"

"Kokuei."

"Again I ask, what was that?"

Kurama chuckled a bit and stood aside. The huge black dog that had instantly taken a liking to him walked to his side and continued growling as she looked at Kuwabara.

"Jesus Christ, it's like a werewolf! That is a HUGE dog, Kurama!" Yusuke said. "Where'd you get it?"

"Her. She's not mine. Kuwabara, you don't have your cat, do you?" the redhead questioned as he noticed a trembling lump in the boy's pocket and simultaneously caught the scent of cat.

"Um... No..."

"Yes you do."

At that precise second, Shadow came rocketting into the room in her pajamas and socks, slid to her knees next to Kokuei, and wrapped her arms around the dog's neck, purring soothing words in her ear and nuzzling her cheek in the long fur.

"You told me she was still asleep," Yusuke said. Kurama shrugged.

"She was."

Hiei came shuffling into the room, still looking half asleep, and stared at Shadow.

"Hiei, she left you for a dog," Yusuke said. Kokuei, who'd stopped growling at Kuwabara, glared and snarled at Yusuke. He stepped back. "Your dog is a freak."

"We know this. She's also a murderer, but we won't go there. Now, puny mortal, why are you on my porch?" Shadow asked, standing up. Hiei glanced at the gathering, the dog, then the fish tank (why? I don't know), turned around, and left.

"I wanted to see how you're doing with only a few weeks of school left."

"Romeo and Juliet tonight and tomorrow night, talent show Wednesday night, and sometime in all this I've got to totally ruin a few lives, plus I still need to destroy the mob, get rid of Hiei's contract, his boss, the law enforcement system altogether, and reign supreme over all of Japan. Oh, and I also want to lose my virginity to my sexy boyfriend, but we all know I'm not ready for that, and also, that I have a resolution, and currently am immortal. But I'd gladly give up immortality if it meant I could screw Hiei passionately a few nights a week."

Hiei walked back into the room without a word, went up to Shadow, and kissed her. "Nice to hear," he said, then turned and left again.

"What's up with him?"

"He's tired," Shadow answered. "You wanna come in? I don't see the point, since Kurama's just doing homework and I'm gonna go cuddle back up to my sexy boyfriend, but maybe you can like... buddy up to Kokuei. She's not seeming to like you too much. Well, ta!" She ran away again, returning to bed with Hiei. Yusuke looked at Kurama, who shrugged and stepped aside to let the two boys in. Nervously, they sidled past Kokuei and scurried into the living room. Kurama followed, chuckling to himself.

"So... how'd they get this dog?" Yusuke asked.

"They didn't get her, she came to them," Kurama explained, closing his schoolbooks and stuffing them back in his bag. "And she's really intelligent, so I'd watch what I said if I were you."

Yusuke looked skeptically at the dog, who stared back with her two-tone eyes until the boy looked away nervously.

"Um... How long have they had her?"

"Since last night," Kurama answered, scratching Kokuei's ears.

Kuwabara stared, his cat trembling on his lap as he petted it. "I never thought Hiei was a dog person."

"I never thought Hiei was a _pet_ person, period," Yusuke said.

"Neither of you thought Hiei was a relationship person either," Kurama reminded. "Just look at how he's changed from when you first knew him."

"Yay! Reminiscence time!" Yusuke said with false excitement. "Hiei used to be a major asshole, and he still is! To everyone but you and Shadow!"

"That's not very nice, Yusuke," the fox reprimanded.

"YOU'RE REMENISCENING WITHOUT ME?" Eclipse came flying over the back of the couch and landed in Kurama's lap, and squeaked when she saw Kokuei. "A puppy!"

"ECLIPSE!" Shadow came flying down the stairs and jumped over the back of the couch, tackling Eclipse off Kurama's lap and onto her back on the floor. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"FUCKING KURAMA!"

"WOW! SOUNDS FUN!"

"STOP SHOUTING!" Hiei snapped from behind Kurama. The fox jumped.

"Give a guy some warning!" he barked. Hiei smiled. Kokuei jumped up on the couch, putting her feet on the back and licking Hiei's face.

"Stop it!" he complained. "You've been ripping open peoples' throats!"

The dog gave him a pathetic look and he sighed, petting her head while Shadow slunk away like she was in trouble.

"Been what?" Yusuke asked with horror.

And so, it was explained to the others how exactly Shadow and Hiei had come across the giant shaggy dog. When their story was over, Kuwabara suddenly found an excuse to leave, and Yusuke had a stronger liking for the dog than he had before.

"So it's a kick-ass dog, huh?"

"She," Shadow corrected. "**She** is a kick-ass dog."

"So **she** is a kick-ass dog, huh?" Yusuke amended with a glare at the smiling girl.

"Yes, she is."

"That's the kind of dog I'd like to have," he said, grinnning widely.

"Yeah, tough luck finding another one," Hiei said. "Unless you put a leash on Kurama."

"That privelige is reserved for Eclipse," Shadow reminded.

"Oh yeah."

The remainder of that day was spent lounging around. When it came time, Shadow and Kurama left for the school. The play went well that night, and the following night. The cast had a party on Sunday night to celebrate, which Shadow returned home from totally drunk... on caffeine.

* * *

**Hee hee... they have a doggie now. I've been intending to get them a dog for some time... Then the opportunity totally presented itself at a random time... **

**Ha ha, and I bet you were all expecting a heck of a lot more out of the play, weren't you? XD** Well I hate Romeo and Juliet (actually I think it's funny), and besides, quoting Shakespeare in my stories is just wrong. Especially from Shadow's mouth... It... hurts me... so badly... As if _I_ were the one quoting Shakespeare! Which reminds me... Something in Act 2 Scene 2 that cracked me up so bad...Mercutio was saying things about Rosaline, and Benvolio says he'll make Romeo mad, so Mercutio replys: "This cannot anger him; 'twould anger him to raise a spirit in his mistress' circle of some strange nature, letting it there stand till she had laid it and conjured it down..." What do you get out of that? The side note on the page said "mistress' circle" meant 'magical place.' Again, I ask, what do you get out of that? I get that Mercutio thinks talking lewdly about Rosaline won't tick off Romeo, but screwing her would. (They didn't know about Juliet at that point). I mean, just look at it! Shakespeare is such a pervert!

**Now that you all got like, three updates in a week or something, don't expect another one so soon. Chapter 29 will probably be posted after I start my next story. Now that Eclipse is back from vacation, I can go have a party at her house, and come back drunk on caffeine, all set to write a nice, SHORT story. I'm guessing (with no basis at all) that it will about around 10 chapters. Maybe not even that. Praise the lord.**


	29. Chapter of Doom

**(7-8-05) I have 939 reviews! Thank you!**

Well, Eclipse got back from vacation on Sunday, and I went to her house on Monday and stayed until Thursday. So now you get an update. It's been about a week. Close enough. I just feel like updating. I have to start my next story, too... Dammit. I'm having a few small problems getting it started. Once I get past the first main obstacle, the story will go fine. Good news: I started the story that comes AFTER the next one! So once I finish the next one, you won't have to wait for me to start the one after that. Aren't you excited?

**Warnings:** Oh, joy, the warnings... Yes. I must warn you of many things. First: Karasu. He is in this chapter, and he does harass fox-boy. There is alsogropage in this chapter, seduction, nudity, death, pain, blood, fire, doom, doom, doom, and disembodied eyeballs... There's criminal activity, blackmail, threats, abuse, screaming fangirls, doom, humorous things, kissing, sexual thoughts, sexual implications, sexual abuse, and other sexual things. Youko also does a bit of counseling in this chapter, there's swearwords and adult subject matter, involvement with the mob, memory erasing, love, hate, heartbreaking, misery, references to suicide, yelling, talking, kissing, shouting, dancing, fighting, groin kicking, internal conflicts, external conflicts, some more nudity, some more kissing, some bleeding, blood-drinking, unclear references to masturbation, plotting, lying,espionage,and really long warnings that the authoress got great joy out of writing.  
Really, this chapter isn't as bad as I'm making it out to be. XD If you pay attention, half this stuff is in every other chapter, too. I just felt like pointing it all out this time.

**

* * *

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE  
**Chapter of Doom

The talent show was on Wednesday night. Hiei, Shadow, and Kurama were hosting it, which proved truly... fascinating.

"WELCOME, EVERYBODY, TO THIS YEAR'S ANNUAL TALENT SHOW!" Shadow cheered. She was wearing one of the little clip-on microphones to keep her hands free (not that she'd need them). "I'm your wonderful host Shadow Jaganshi, and you all know me! Also here today to assist my hostly duties is the marvelous Hiei Jaganshi and our friend and yours, Shuuichi Minamino!"

Everyone started cheering loudly.

"Yeah! Okay! Let's shut up now so we can get this show on the road!"

Reluctantly, everyone quieted.

"Okay, for our first talent, we have..." She looked quizzically at Kurama, who held the cards. He glanced at the first one and read the names off.

"Enjoy!" Shadow cheered. She ushered them all off the stage as the first group--some random students singing some pop song--took the stage.

"That went well!" the girl said cheerfully after turning off her mic.

"Yeah. Only around two hours left," Hiei muttered.

"You didn't even say anything, dickweed!"

"What is a dickweed?" Kurama asked.

"It's a word."

The redhead sighed, rolling his eyes. They devoted their attention to the group onstage. When the obnoxious pop song was over and the group left the stage to the cheers of the audience, the trio walked back out onto the stage.

"That was... lovely," Hiei said, the sarcasm lost only to total idiots.

"I liked it," Shadow said.

"You weren't even listening, stupid," Hiei retorted. Kurama subtly hit them both upside the head and proceeded to announce the next performers without giving either of them time to retort and draw attention. On their way offstage, Shadow slapped Kurama in the back of the head, causing him to yip with surprise.

"That was totally uncalled for," he muttered.

"You hit me. I hit you. We're equal," she replied. Uncaring about his response, she put her arms around Hiei and rested her head on his from behind. He put his hands on hers and glanced at Kurama. The redhead was ignoring them in favor of examining his fingernails (which, of course, are **_so_** much more fascinating).

When the time came around for Shadow and Eclipse's little psychotic act, Hiei and Kurama went out alone.

"This next one should prove... painfully interesting," Hiei said.

"Nicely put," Kurama muttered. "The next talented group is... Shadow Jaganshi and Eclipse Shinomori, and they'll be doing... God knows what... because it says on the card that they're performing Hamlet."

"Enjoy... whatever fun thing those psychos have in store," Hiei sighed. "Keep in mind they're both taken, since I'm sure they'll be acting skanky."

"Enjoy," Kurama reinforced with a slightly smile. He grabbed Hiei and pulled him off-stage. Shadow and Eclipse were there in baggy jeans and t-shirts. Both quickly kissed their boyfriends before scurrying onto the stage and taking their places. The music started up and the two went into a very... rehearsed... seductive... song and dance.

Everyone watched in awe as the pair alternated between singing, dancing, and stripping down to short shorts and spaghetti-strap belly shirts in what could have only been a long-rehearsed, professionally choreographed performance which they had just made up five minutes earlier.

"I think I'm gonna cry," Hiei muttered in a voice that clearly said he was exaggerating.

"How come?" Kurama asked, his eyes locked on the movement of Shadow's hips as Eclipse took the microphone and the black-haired girl took over dancing.

"Because..." the fire demon muttered distractedly. "She's probably giving half the audience hard-ons."

"Yeah. Prob'ly."

Hiei smacked Kurama in the middle of his chest, making a slightly hollow sound.

"Ow!"

"She's my girlfriend," he snarled.

"Right. I'm sorry, Hiei."

"I bet you are. Real sorry."

Not once had Hiei's eyes left Shadow's body. The way it flowed so easily from one movement to the next, like water... combined with the thought that she was _his_... that he could touch her and kiss her whenever he wanted... that this particular fluidity she was displaying, the elasticity and agility, could prove fun in other situations... All of this combined in Hiei's mind, giving him a rather high pulse and, had he not had better control, he might have been drooling.

All too soon, the song was over, and Shadow grabbed her discarded clothes and sprinted towards Hiei. She took a flying leap and knocked him flat on his back. Kurama sighed, composing himself before returning to the stage to announce the next group alone.

Shadow and Hiei, meanwhile, were lying on the ground making out. Kurama sighed and nudged them in the side with his shoe. Eclipse stalked up to him and pinned him to the wall, kissing him passionately but stepping back all too quickly with a grin.

"Did you like it?"

"Loved it," he said.

"Excellent. That was the point."

"What?"

"We did that for you and Hiei."

"And the entire high school," Hiei added. "If you wanted to try to seduce us, you could do it in the privacy of our own homes."

"But it's so much better up on stage, with the lights and the audience and the overall much-more-sexiness," Shadow said, standing up and pulling her boyfriend to his feet. She planted another quick kiss on his lips. "You ready for our talent?"

"Eh?"

She walked to the corner and pulled his sword out of a duffel bag that he had not been aware of. "I think we're up soon, aren't we?" She pulled her own sword out of the bag and kicked the now empty container into the darkness.

"After these guys, there's two more before you," Kurama said, his arm around Eclipse's waist. Shadow paused in the process of hooking her sword on her belt and looked at them

"You two are a couple," she announced with a finality in her voice that just _dared_ them to argue.

"No we're not," Eclipse argued.

"Dude, that wasn't up for discussion! You two make out, you go to each others' houses, you're so casual about touching each other! And you say you don't love each other, well that's poopy-ka-ka, you stupid fools! Now! Say it! You love each other!"

"We don't."

"You do so!" She grabbed Kurama and turned him towards Eclipse. "Say you love her!"

"You love her."

"I do not!" Shadow protested. "Say 'I love you.'"

"To Eclipse," Hiei clarified.

"But I don't!" Kurama denied.

"Eclipse! He's just using you for the sex!"

"He's not getting any sex!"

"You cheap-scape! He's giving you all this attention and you won't even screw him?"

"Our relationship," Kurama said firmly, "is none of your business, Shadow."

"Dickweed," she muttered inaudibly.

Finally, the time came for Hiei and Shadow's sword fight demonstration. They walked out onto the stage, stood a few feet apart and bowed, then simultaneously drew their weapons and started fighting.

Since they were using real swords, both of them ended up with a few nicks and scratches, nothing to worry about, and the audience was cheering and screaming by the end. Yay! Kill each other!

At the very end, when Hiei apparently had Shadow beaten, she flung down her sword and lunged after him with her bare hands. He yelped and ran. Somehow, he knew she'd be ticked if he went off-stage, so he didn't. She chased him around and around until eventually she lunged and he ducked. She sailed over his back, landed on her hands, and flipped herself to her feet, moving into a bow in one fluid motion. Hiei stood and also sort of bowed. Shadow fetched her sword, sheathed it, and slapped Hiei in the back of the head.

"Ow!" he yelped, cringing.

"You needed it," she retorted. With that, she strutted all high-and-mighty off the stage. Hiei sighed and followed, shaking his head.

"Well, that was lovely," Kurama said, stepping back on stage. "They'll kill each other one day, don't worry."

"We will not!" Shadow snapped from off-stage.

"Anyways," the redhead pressed on, "for our next act we have..." blah, blah, blah.

And finally, _finally_, the successful talent show was over. The trio had left an impression of insanity upon the entire school. Nobody would ever think of Shuuichi Minamino the same way again.

Kurama and Eclipse drove home, but Hiei and Shadow opted to walk. More private, more personal... How romantic. Or whatever.

Now, what is it with me intentionally having these two walking all alone at night and getting surrounded by the mob? It's predictable. But it's convenient for me. However, this time it wasn't the mob.

It was Nakada. And about fifteen of his little toadies.

Though they didn't catch the couple off-gaurd as to their presence, they did catch them off gaurd when they somehow managed to get them separated into two circles, so it was like a figure eight with Shadow in one loop and Hiei in the other.

"What the hell?" Hiei snapped. "Any particular reason you're being particularly vile this evening, Nakada?"

"Yeah," the boy replied. "I want your girlfriend."

"Hiei," Shadow said dryly from the other circle, "I'm being molested."

"Well just stand there and let them why don't you?" Hiei snapped.

"It doesn't feel good in the least."

"You're TOUCHING my GIRLFRIEND," the fire demon growled as the people surrounding Shadow continued to harass her.

"Yeah, and there ain't nothin' you're gonna do about it," one guy said, pressing a gun against Hiei's head.

"Okay, sure, whatever. Nakada, why the sudden change of heart?"

"I still hate her. But something this sexy can't be passed up."

Shadow snorted as the stupid boy pulled at her clothes. "You surely could have chosen a better time and place to rape me, couldn't you? I mean, I am occasionally alone in dark alleyways. Actually... That's a bad habit of mine. You could have found me then, instead of when I was armed and walking with my boyfriend, who is incidentally also armed."

"Your boyfriend has a gun to his head," Nakada said. "So, if you try anything, my friend there will kill him."

"Uh-huh, sure," Shadow said, still standing stock-still as her body was molested.

"Shadow," Hiei called calmly.

"Yes koi?"

"Sic 'em."

A feral growl bubbled up from Shadow's throat. It was like with that tiny command, she'd gone from statue to rabid werewolf in under a second.

"Oooh, scary," Nakada taunted. The girl swung her leg up into his crotch without a bit of warning.

"**BITCH!**" he screamed. She continued growling at the circle of toadies that was closing in on her. The guy with the gun to Hiei's head cocked it.

"You do anything and I shoot Prince Charming!" the boy threatened. Hiei snorted.

"Nice one." He reached up and snapped the boy's wrist. Shadow, still snarling and now on her hands and feet like a dog, lunged at the nearest weaker-looking guy, clawed wildly at him, jumped over his head, and galloped off like an animal. Hiei waved sweetly at the nearest guy, cracked him in the face, and took off through the gap formed when he collapsed.

"GET 'EM!" Nakada screamed. The capable guys took off after Hiei, who lost them easily with a little tiny spurt of energy.

Shadow was on the porch steps when he darted up the sidewalk. The second the door was opened, Kokuei darted out and sat on the porch, somehow knowing and promising her services as a watch dog.

"Why thank you, kind ma'am," Shadow said, bowing to the dog as Hiei went inside. She followed her boyfriend and cried out in horror the second the door was shut.

"HIROSHI NAKADA TOUCHED MY BOOBS!"

"You let him," Hiei said, totally unsympathetic.

"Don't worry. I'm gonna burn these clothes, take a shower, then afterwards we can cuddle and think up death plots for him and all his lackeys. How does that sound?"

"Excellent."

And that is exactly what they did.

The following day at school, Shadow sought out Arisa. She found her with a few of her slut-faced friends, whom she snarled at until Arisa told them to leave.

"What do you want, Jaganshi?" she asked. "You got some problem?"

"Yeah, I have a problem. Nakada tried to rape me last night."

The look on Arisa's face was priceless. "You're lying," she said with horror.

"Nope. I'd show you a bruise, but you don't wanna see it. It's in a personal location."

"Why would he _do_ that?"

"Because I was dancing to give every guy in the auditorium a hard-on at the talent show last night. I bet it worked. Worked on Shuuichi. Sorta. But that's not the point. You know what this means?"

"I can get you more money," Arisa said desperately.

"That's not gonna cut it. After all, why risk all those STDs when I can just show your mother those pictures and the world will keep turning and you'll still be healthy? Assuming your mother doesn't kill you. Ta!" She turned to leave.

"Jaganshi!" She grabbed Shadow's arm. The girl turned and looked at her hand with eyes narrowed dangerously. Arisa quickly let go. "You can't show my mother those pictures."

"Why not? What'll she do?"

"I don't know! She's a religious nut! You can't show her those!"

Shadow's eyes widened, then she burst into psychotic, hysterical laughter. "That just makes it all the much more better! Now, I've got a class to attend!" She ran away to tell Kurama her findings.

Eclipse and the redhead listened attentively to her, and when she finished, Eclipse burst into laughter. Kurama was a bit more concerned.

"Nakada tried to rape you last night?"

"Yeah, it was no big deal, I'll get even," she dismissed. "Now--"

"It was _no big deal?_ How far did he _get?_"

"He touched me. If he'd tried anything else I'd have ripped off his arms and legs. Chill out, fox."

"But--"

"I'm more concerned with ruining lives. Not dwelling in the past."

"It was just last night. I think you'd be a bit more traumatized."

"Well I'm not! With all the times I've kicked Nakada in the balls, he's never gonna have kids, so we don't have to worry about him spreading his sickness. Especially not if he should accidentally end up on the wrong end of a bus, or a gun. Now, when should I totally destroy the very fabric of Arisa Okawa's life?"

Kurama shrugged. Shadow obviously wouldn't listen to him, so he gave up. "Why wait?"

"Are you implying I follow her home, spy on her until she goes off to screw some guy, then just stroll up to her front door and ring the bell? Are you implying that, fox? ...Because that's exactly what I was planning on doing. You must be a mind reader."

"Uh... sure. You know it."

"You're such a genius, fox. What is Eclipse thinking right now?"

"She's thinking how much she'd like to jump on you and rip out your throat."

"No, she's thinking that she wants you to ravish her passionately," Shadow corrected.

"How would you know?"

"Why else would she be staring at you like she wants to eat you?"

"What!" He looked at the girl. She was chewing on her eraser and staring at the ceiling. "She is not!"

"Is not what huh?" Eclipse said cluelessly when she noticed them looking at her.

"Nuthin'," Shadow said innocently, dancing over to her seat.

Shadow visited Hiei during literature class to tell him her plan. Nakada, not having been grievously injured enough the previous night, was in fact present, but did not hear any of the couple's conversation. However, when Shadow went strolling up to him and tapped him on the shoulder, he acted like he had.

"Hey, jerk-off," she greeted.

"I heard what you're planning," he said. "It won't work."

"Why not?" Shadow asked innocently.

"It just won't."

She shook her head. "You didn't hear a word of what we were saying, did you?"

"I heard all of it."

"Then tell me why planning on having dinner tonight won't work?"

The boy glared. "That's not what you were talking about."

"Yes it was. Honest to God. Hiei! Come here!"

The fire demon walked over and glanced at Nakada, then to Shadow. "What?"

"Tell this moron that we were just planning on having dinner tonight. He seems to think we were plotting some heinous thing."

"Why would he think that?"

"Because you were!" Nakada snapped.

"You're paranoid," Shadow said. "I should be the one being paranoid right now, what with the way you were groping my chest yesterday. Just cuz I gave you a hard-on doesn't mean--"

"You didn't!"

"Whatever. Point is, you'll regret doing that, and also, me and Hiei are having chicken and baked potatoes for dinner. Ja mata! Must get back to class!" She kissed Hiei's cheek and skipped away. However, she didn't return to class. Despite being yelled at about ten times by different teachers each time, she skipped around the school for the remainder of that class period.

**

* * *

**

Self-appointed spy Shadow Jaganshi stalked silently down the street behind Arisa Okawa, staying just out of sight. Not like it mattered how silent she was, since the streets were typically very crowded at this time of day. But she kept her victim in her sights and followed her until she entered her house. Then she sat. Perched in a tree like Hiei.

She sat there until it was getting dark, and there was still no sign Arisa was leaving. However, her mother did leave, and a guy snuck out of the bushes and rung the doorbell. Shadow pitched a rock at his head. It missed, but barely, and Arisa opened the door to a freaked out guy.

"Someone just flung something at my head!" he complained. Shadow snuck closer to the trunk of the tree she was in, camoflaged entirely when Arisa and the guy glanced up in her direction.

"It was probably just a squirrel," Arisa said. Shadow frowned. Just a squirrel, eh? Squirrels don't take nude pictures of people in parks. Squirrels don't sit in trees spying on people. Squirrels don't-- Then it randomly occured to Shadow that squirrels _do_ live in parks and would easily be able to take nude pictures of people, and squirrels _do_ sit in trees and stare at people while eating nuts. It randomly made sense to Shadow that squirrels are the perfect innocent spies of the animal world, and probably are aliens from other planets come to innocently eat nuts and spy on humans from trees. And that comforted Shadow, and she was no longer offended by being 'just a squirrel.' All these thoughts took about two seconds, and Arisa spoke again like Shadow hadn't just had a brilliant epiphany about innocent furry little critters.

"Who cares," she stated. She grabbed the guy and pulled him inside, kissing him. All their problems were forgotten as she led him up to her room. Shadow, having a perfect vantage point on the girl's window, watched them for a minute. Then she glanced around and grabbed a handful of acorns. Lucky this was an acorn type of tree, or she would have had to pitch squeaky dog toys at the window, since that's all she had in her pocket that she could afford to fling against glass. After all, flinging her beloved Henri just wouldn't do.

Arisa and her current partner ignored the first tap on the window. And the second. But as they persisted and got more demanding, the pair--now nearly completely naked--had to look up. And when they did, they saw a girl clad in black from head to toe wearing dark reflective sunglasses and perched on a branch right outside Arisa's window. The half-naked girl in her bedroom nearly screamed, grabbing her shirt and holding it over her chest.

Outside, Shadow chuckled. She walked out farther on the branch and hopped over the windowsill. The window was closed and had a screen in it anyways, so she waved and gestured for somebody to open the window.

By now, Arisa's current partner was infuriated and shouting. But Arisa jumped up and went to the window, opening it.

"What are you doing here!" she shrieked. Shadow shrugged.

"Spying." She tilted her head to the side. "Is sex really so great that you have to do it even when your life is going to end real soon?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Arisa, what the hell is going on here?" the guy was snapping. Arisa shushed him.

"Well I'm just sayin', I mean, I'm gonna show your mother those pictures the second I get the chance, so you might want to spend your last free moments doing somethng a bit more wholesome. Like praying for forgiveness, or eating ice cream."

Arisa's male companion (I almost said boyfriend, but she ain't got one of them) pulled the screen out of the window and grabbed Shadow's collar, dragging her into the room.

"Help! I'm being assaulted by a muscly guy in his underwear!" She looked the guy over. "At least you've got half decent taste in men, Arisa..."

The guy swung his fist at her, but she slipped out of her shirt, then stood and snatched the fabric out of his hand. "You freak, are you trying to rape me too? Boy! I'm popular lately."

The guy seethed, but Arisa calmed him down.

"Jaganshi, what the hell are doing here? Are you just here to annoy me?" she snapped. Shadow shrugged.

"I just figured I'd give you a little warning. I can find your mother with no problem. She was going to a dinner at the church, and you said you had a lot of homework so you could get out of going with her. You having a fanatical religious mother is _so_ much better than just having a normal mother. I bet she'll make you become a nun."

Arisa looked horrified, and she let go of her current male companion when he made a move towards Shadow.

"Aw, man! You're gonna try to kill me, aren't you!" the fire girl whined.

"It seems like that's the only way to get rid of you, you little bitch!" He took a swing at her. Still shirtless, Shadow ducked, then ran and took a flying leap out the window. She caught a branch and swung herself onto it.

"Come and get me, little girl!" Shadow shouted up at him. She hopped down to the ground and waved up, smiling sweetly. He grabbed his pants and pulled them on as he went for the stairs. Arisa hurriedly flung on her clothes as the guy nearly fell down the stairs in his haste to get to Shadow.

Once outside, he found the girl sitting under the tree reading and listening to a CD Walkman. He ran over with every intention of kicking her or something, he wasn't quite sure what, and she looked up at the last possible second. He reached down to grab her shirt collar again and she ducked out of the way, ditched her book and CD player, and ran around the tree, ending up on the same side as him. She passed him and ran down the street. He went after her.

Needless to say, an odd sight met many people that day. Shadow, clad in black, wearing sunglasses and boots, sprinted easily down the street, dodging people while a shirtless boy wearing jeans and sneakers tore after her, pushing people aside and screaming at her.

It was an unfamiliar part of the city to Shadow. Though she tended to wander around aimlessly, she usually didn't pay the least bit of attention where she was going. This is what she did now. She ran like she knew what she was doing, but she didn't, actually...

Thus, when she ended up running into a dark alley and opening the first door she saw, she was very unlucky to have totally, completely, accidentally stumbled upon what seemed to be the HQ of the mob that had been harassing Hiei and her since early in this story.

"Ohhhh!" she said cheerfully as a whole bunch of guys with guns turned to look at her. Her face got serious instantly. "Forget I was here." She slammed the door and took off running back towards her pursuer. Stupid move, yes, but she could deal with it.

The door she'd just shut burst open and just about every guy she'd seen in there came running out after her. Glancing back, she yelped and ran a bit faster, dodging Arisa's partner and getting out into the street before a car nearly flattened her. She screamed and fell on her butt, allowing the mobsters to catch up.

"Get in the car, stupid-head!" Eclipse snapped. Shadow blinked and stared at the people in the car. Eclipse was driving, Kurama was in the passenger's seat, and Hiei was in the back.

"No way, dude! I don't run from my problems!" She jumped to her feet.

"Then what the hell were you doing when we saw you tearing down the street like a nutjob?" Hiei accused.

"Running from Arisa's current fuck friend. He's not a problem, though."

"Running. See?" Eclipse accused. "Now look! You hesitated and now my beautiful car is totally surrounded with armed mobsters. I think we're all dead." She paused, then looked around. "**MY CAR IS TOTALLY SURROUNDED WITH ARMED MOBSTERS!**"

Shadow felt hands grab her from behind and a gun press against her head. She gulped visibly. "Hiei?"

The fire demon moved and instantly had several guns aimed at him.

Without another thought, Eclipse slammed on gas and her car flew forward into the alleyway, running into several mobsters and drawing gunfire. Hiei jumped out of the car and did a flip, landing on one guy's head and confusing everyone as to where to aim. Eclipse hid her car while Hiei and Shadow went psycho kick-ass on the entire mob.

"How'd you guys find me?" Shadow asked as Hiei pressed his back to hers in the middle of what remained of the circle.

"Magic," Hiei replied. Shadow seemed amazed.

"You two would be wisest to come with us peacefully. We _will_ shoot you," one guy in the circle said.

"OH, STUFF IT!" Eclipse screamed from down the alley. A rock slammed into the guy's head. He swore and fell over. Hiei and Shadow paused, then launched at the remaining guys.

Arisa had caught up by then and was utterly appalled. She had a few favors with the mob. Now they were all going down the drain. Hiei and Shadow were pummeling every last hope she had of continuing her life as it had been previous to Shadow's interference.

Then, to make it worse, Eclipse joined in. Arisa didn't know much about this girl's martial arts abilities, but they were apparently very near the same level as Shadow's.

It wasn't long before there were unconscious guys strewn all over the alleyway. Shadow stood valiantly among them, hands on her hips, staring at her handiwork.

"I wonder if Yamashita's still around?" she said curiously. A gunshot answered her and she yelped in pain as a bullet grazed her arm. Hiei spun to face their attacker and nearly laughed.

"No wonder you missed," he said plainly. "Yamashita."

"Jaganshi. What the hell are you doing here?"

Shadow was busily lapping up the blood as it ran down her arm, so Hiei answered.

"Apparently we're totally destroying the mob." He shrugged. "How many more of you worms are there?"

A few more musclebound mobster cronies stepped out of the door, machine guns blazing. Arisa's buddy was dead in an instant. Arisa herself was out of their range, standing on the street at the entrance to the alley. Eclipse ducked and scurried away on her hands and knees as Hiei tackled Shadow to the ground.

"You know what?" he snarled. "I'm about sick of this. Damn ningens."

Flames erupted around the remaining men. They screamed. Kurama swore loudly as Arisa's eyes widened several times their normal size. Of course Hiei had to go and lose it.

The fire demon stood up, pulling Shadow with him. She blinked, looking at the charred corpses.

"Jeez, Hiei. You overdid it."

"I know."

Arisa screamed and ran. Kurama took off after her. After all, he's the only one with memory-erasing drugs...

Shadow wandered away, looking around at the unconscious people.

"Hey guys, what're we gonna do with all these dead bodies?" Eclipse asked. Hiei shook his head.

"They're all still alive."

"These ones aren't!" Shadow called from where she stood amongst a pile of ashes. Hiei sighed.

"That was far too quick a death for that bastard Yamashita."

"I bet it hurt, though," Shadow added. "Oh look! An eyeball!"

"Don't touch it," Hiei called.

"Why not?"

"I said so!" He walked over while Shadow waited. He glanced at the eyeball, then it burst into flames.

"Awww..." Shadow whined. "You spoil my fun."

"You'll live."

There was a shriek from nearby and Hiei swore, recognizing Eclipse's voice. He and Shadow took off running.

They found her by her car, her hands over her mouth and her eyes wide.

"What is it?" Hiei asked, seeing and sensing no one nearby.

"They shot my car!" she whimpered. The fire demon got such a look on his face that Shadow couldn't help but explode into laughter.

"You're pathetic," Hiei muttered, taking Shadow's hand and leading her away.

"So what about the corpses?" Shadow asked.

"They aren't corpses," Hiei corrected. "But it won't be any good if they're alive."

"I have an idea," the girl said suddenly, grasping Hiei's arm.

"What?"

She stepped away and whistled loudly. Hiei winced as the high-pitched noise, combined with some sort of energy spike she emitted, fried his senses.

"Jesus Christ!" he cried angrily.

"Gomen nasai, koishii!" she yelped, hugging him as he kneeled over. Shortly, it became apparent why she'd done what she did.

A dark shadow covered the couple and Hiei glanced up as shoes came into his line of sight. He followed long, black-clad legs upwards until he very quickly recognized...

"Karasu!"

"Karasu's my bitch," Shadow explained cheerfully. The crow demon sighed.

"I told you not to call me that," he muttered.

"Shut up, bitch!"

Karasu rolled his eyes. "What did you want? I was in the middle of something."

"Gomen, Karasu," Shadow said, standing up. She still had to look up at him, but it was better than being down around his knees. "See this mess we made?"

"You did this?" he asked, glancing around at all the unconscious bodies.

"Me, Hiei, and Eclipse."

"I saw Kurama on the way here," the crow mentioned. "I was almost tempted to disobey you, but he was with that girl from those pictures."

"Yes, doing some memory erasing, I'd say," Shadow replied. "Hiei lost it and she saw. But that's not the point."

"What is, then?"

"Well, we need to do something to make this all look entirely like an accident."

"So how am I supposed to help you?"

"You're gonna make a big boom boom and fire and people will DIE! But not until I've rummaged any valuables I can out of this place."

"You mean you called me before you'd done that? I could have finished my... activity."

"Oh, shut up. I figured you could keep Hiei company or something. Go hang around Eclipse. Or maybe Kurama will come back while you're waiting."

He brightened slightly at that. Then he glanced at her arm. "You're bleeding," he stated, gathering some of the blood on his finger and licking it off. Hiei twitched. That freak just drank his girlfriend's blood.

"Yeah, it's nothing. I can handle it. Now, you wanna help me out with my pillaging, or would you rather keep gaurd over all these people who will most likely not wake up while you're waiting for Kurama to show?"

"I'll stay and wait and watch these guys," the crow answered instantly.

"Very well. Hiei?"

"I'm goin' with you," he replied.

"Very good. Let's go, then." She led him into the door she'd accidentally opened what had to be nearly an hour ago now. They walked into the abandoned warehouse cautiously. Hiei glanced around, searching for any signs of life. He found a cat.

"A cat," Shadow stated, noticing it the same time he did.

"Yeah."

It hissed and ran out the door. There was a swear and an animal's yeowl of pain from outside. Shadow and Hiei glanced at each other and shrugged, then continued with their search.

Overall, they found a giant shitload of money in a combination safe that Hiei got frustrated with after one try at the lock and tore open. Shadow's jaw dropped when money and jewels and valuables of all sorts fell out.

"Sweet Jesus! It's a gold mine!" She lunged on it and began stuffing it all in her pockets. Hiei left her to that and continued wandering. He determined that everything in the entire place must have been stolen, and so it didn't matter what he took. A few things of interest found their ways into his pockets, while Shadow ended up laden down with all the money and jewels and gold and other such stolen goods that were in the safe. But that's okay. It all fit in her pockets.

Then, they wandered into a room that put Shadow into fits of ecstacy.

Vehicles. Stolen cars, trucks, vans, and, to the girl's extreme joy, motorcycles. She squealed and ran to the first one she saw.

"They trashed mine, I'll steal theirs!"

"Not like it matters, as all of them are dead, or going to be," Hiei said. "Take your pick."

Shadow was overjoyed to find that the mob was arrogant enough to leave the keys in the ignition of all their vehicles. It didn't take her long to select the perfect motorcycle, and she started it up and squealed with joy when it worked perfectly.

"I love it! This is wonderful!" She hugged Hiei tightly. "I love you!"

"I didn't have anything to do with it..." he said.

"I don't care! I love you anyways! I'm just full of love right now!"

"Well, that's good," Hiei said, patting her back. "I love you too. Why don't you try out your new motorcycle?"

"I will!" She jumped on it and tore out the door. Hiei sighed, took a walk around the room to see if there was anything of interest. He chuckled to himself as he pushed the button to open the garage door on one wall. Kurama, Eclipse, even Yusuke had cars. He figured it wouldn't hurt Shadow to have one too. There were times when it would have come in handy.

Though he didn't know much about cars, he'd had to sit through Yusuke's rants and lessons about cars and women enough times to know what was good and what was bad. He also knew what Yusuke--and most other guys--found attractive in women, and he'd heard a few sex tips that he wished he hadn't. Stupid virgin half-ningen boy had no use for such things, especially with a girlfriend like Keiko, who probably wouldn't want sex until they were married. Which, in Hiei's opinion, didn't seem to be something about to occur in the near future.

Anyways, so he went through the cars, examining them while listening to Shadow's ecstatic cheers and the sound of the motorcycle engine outside. While he was doing that, Kurama returned from erasing Arisa's memory and ditching her in her bedroom at home. He stopped dead when he saw Karasu leaning on the hood of Eclipse's car while she gently caressed a dent on the side where a bullet had _grazed_ it, cooing soft words of comfort to the metal.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked, looking at the crow.

"I was summoned," he stated. He managed a small smile. "I haven't seen you in a while, Kurama."

"You mean you haven't been sulking around outside my bedroom window?" the fox asked sarcastically.

"Not lately. Shadow forbade it, unless she gave me permission. I've taken to sulking around in the woods befriending fluffy bunny rabbits," he said honestly, with a little smile. Kurama stared for a second.

"You're not kidding."

"No. I'm not."

"You're wacked," he stated bluntly.

"Aww, Kurama, I resent that."

Eclipse shushed them from her place on the ground near the back wheel of her car. They looked at her curiously and she continued stroking the long dent in the car, now quietly singing a lullaby. Karasu tilted his head to the side.

"Why is she doing that?"

"She's wacked too," Kurama replied. Then, to Eclipse, "Don't you have something in your trunk to repair that stuff?"

"Shush!" Then she noticed Karasu and cried out, jumping up. "No wonder she can't sleep! You're sitting on her!" She batted at the crow until he got up, stepping away quickly from the psychotic girl and hiding behind Kurama.

Shadow went zooming past on her new motorcycle, cheering loudly. On her return, she swerved into the alley and ran over a few of the mobsters, coming to a stop with her front wheel about two inches away from Eclipse's car. The brown-haired girl screamed.

"She's never gonna relax now! First he's sitting on her, now you almost ran into her! You scared the b'jesus out of my sweetheart!" She knelt and began stroking the car again, only the front this time, where Shadow had nearly crashed into it, nuzzling her cheek against the cold metal and purring sweet nothings. Shadow backed up her motorcycle a bit and leaned over towards Kurama.

"I think your friend there is having a love affair with her car."

"I hope not," the redhead stated. Shadow glanced around.

"Where's my Hiei?"

"I don't know. He hasn't come out yet," Karasu said, glancing at the door. Kurama shifted a bit. The crow's very close proximity was making him a little uncomfortable. Shadow noticed but ignored him in favor of driving back into the building to find Hiei. She found him in the vehicle garage place, carefully backing a black truck out into the alley on the other side of the building from where Karasu and the others were gathered.

"What are you doing?" she called.

"Stealing this from a bunch of dead mobsters," he replied through the window. Shadow blinked.

"When did you learn how to drive?"

"Um, I'd say about a minute and a half ago," he replied, concentrating more on the driving than on his girlfriend.

"Why?"

"There have been several times that having one of these stupid ningen vehicles would have been considerably more convenient than hitching a ride with the fox or Eclipse. I figure, with so many right here to choose from, why not take advantage of the opportunity?"

Shadow nodded. "Very, very wise of you, koishii. Very wise indeed."

"I thought so." He managed to get the truck out and onto the street. "We could also hook a trailer up to it and haul around your motorcycle."

"You're a genius!"

"But I'm not getting a license."

"That's fine. You won't be driving much anyways, considering how it took you like, forever to back out of the garage thingy."

"I don't _want_ to drive."

"Then why are you?"

"Wanted to see if I could."

"You can. Now get out. Kurama can drive this thing to our house, I'll ride my bike, and you can ride with one or the other of us. Just not with Eclipse. She's gonna have to take her car to the emergency room here soon."

"What?" Hiei asked, getting out. Shadow shook her head.

"She's over there making love to it or something. It's got a tiny dent from a bullet and she thinks it's the end of the world. She's stroking it and cooing love songs to it."

Hiei shook his head. "What does Kurama see in her?"

"I don't know. Probably the same thing you see in me."

"I doubt it."

"Why? What is it you see in me?"

Hiei kissed her lightly. "Well," he started. "You're pretty, for one."

"Eclipse is pretty."

"She's also psychotic."

"I'm psychotic."

"Not so much so as her. She's psychotic 90 percent of the time and sleeping or eating the other ten percent."

"You forgot the time she spends with Kurama."

"Okay, so she's sleeping or eating nine percent and making out with Kurama the other one percent."

"What else do you see in me?" Shadow persisted. "Other than looks."

"You're strong, for a girl, and independant and smart. You don't care what anyone else thinks of you. You lie like a pro, you're a dishonest, thieving, scheming bitch, and you're not afraid of manipulating people to get what you want. But you _do_ have something of a code that keeps you from being totally obnoxious with those traits."

"Why thank you. I especially liked the scheming bitch part." She kissed him. "C'mon. I think we got plenty of riches for our efforts, don't you?"

"Yes. Definitely."

"We'll get Kurama to drive the truck. Did you get the key out?"

Hiei held it up, smirking. Shadow nodded approval and turned her bike to return to the other alleyway.

The second Shadow had left Kurama and Karasu out of her sights, the crow had been up to no good. He saw that Kurama was uncomfortable, but that he didn't really want to show it. Sure. The great Kurama could handle standing near the freak as long as he didn't do anything, right? Right.

Kurama jumped when he felt a hand brush against his ass. "Karasu," he growled. The crow rested his hands lightly on the redhead's hips. Eclipse, who'd normally have jumped on anyone for touching the fox in such a manner, was oblivious, still cooing sweet nothings to her Mustang convertible.

"What is it, Kurama? Do I make you... nervous?"

"Get your hands off me."

"Oh, but pretty fox... I could do so much for you. Give me a chance."

"Get. Your hands. Off me," he repeated through clenched teeth.

"Shh. I'm not hurting you." His hands roamed upwards to the fox's chest. Kurama let out a shuddering breath, trying to control himself. Every instinct was telling him to grab the crow's wrists and break them both, but he knew Shadow would be pissed. Why he cared what Shadow felt at this point was beyond him, but he did. He felt warm breath on his neck and closed his eyes tightly, teeth clenched with rage. He could deal with that. His chest was being caressed--luckily through a shirt--by a demon who'd so badly tried to kill him several years ago, and that same demon was very close to him. So close, in fact, that he felt the crow's lips brush his ear when he cooed, "I think I love you, Kurama."

Kurama's eyes snapped wide open at that, then, if possible, grew wider when he felt the crow place a gentle kiss on his neck. The only thoughts in Kurama's mind went something like this: _Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Get away, get away. I can't kill him. Ew. Get away._

And yes, Eclipse is a total of three feet away, but she's got her eyes closed and wouldn't have cared about her friend even if she'd had them open. She was too busy cooing some love song to the car. (I bet you thought only guys were that devoted to their cars)

The fox drew the line when he felt Karasu's hips press against his ass. That in itself wouldn't have been _too_ bad. Well, it wouldn't have been _as_ bad. But Kurama had to draw the line at having the crow's hard-on against him.

"Okay, Karasu," he snarled, pushing the crow away. "That's too much."

"What?" the demon asked.

"_That!_" Kurama snapped, pointing. Karasu glanced at his crotch, then at Kurama's, and was disappointed to find that the fox was not aroused.

"You didn't like it?" he asked, his gaze not leaving Kurama's crotch. It disgusted Kurama that his ningen heart felt a twinge of guilt at the tone of the crow's voice.

_'GUILT!'_ Youko screamed, startling the redhead so badly he jumped and winced. _'GUILT? Minamino, I thought better of you! You stupid boy! You can't feel guilty! That's what he wants!'_

_'But...'_

_'Shuuichi,'_ the fox said with more patience than the boy thought he'd ever heard from him, _'I stand for a lot of your mushy ningen crap... ew. That sounded sick. Anyways, I stand for a lot of your stupid ningen emotions. Your love for your mother. Your love for Eclipse--'_

_'I don't love Eclipse.'_

_'Your denial about loving Eclipse,'_ the kitsune continued as if Kurama hadn't spoken. _'I stand for your stupid school, your movies, your video games, all the things you do that I believe are a waste of time. But I'm not gonna stand for you feeling guilty about not being aroused by **Karasu**. It's **Karasu,** Shuuichi! Or have you forgotten he wanted to kill you? Have you forgotten that he said all that crap about destroying what he likes? Have you forgotten that **you hate him?** You love **Eclipse.**'_

_'No I don't.'_

_'Shut up, yes you do. I'd rather you were stuck with...'_ His mental voice took on a hint of disgust as he said, _'that girl...'_ It was obvious he was revolted by the way the girl was petting her car. There was a pause as Kurama gazed at Eclipse and he felt Youko mentally shudder.

_'I would rather you were stuck with a girl who loves a hunk of metal for the rest of your life than that you fucked Karasu. So if I catch you feeling guilty about or because of that stupid crow, you'll regret it.'_

_'I'm sorry. I'm not feeling guilty anymore.'_

_'Yes you are. Look. He's moping, and your damn ningen heart pities him. Well there's nothing short of fucking him that will help him get over his misery, so it's better he's miserable. Got it?'_

_'Yes.'_

_'Are you feeling guilty anymore?'_

_'No.'_

_'Are you going to ignore him and never give in to him?'_

_'Yes.'_

_'Next time he touches you like that, what will you do?'_

_'Crack him in the face with my elbow.'_

There was a thoughtful pause. _'That would work. But I was thinking more along the lines of breaking his wrist, then his heart.'_

_'You want me to rip out his heart?'_

_'No, stupid! For being smart, you sure are an idiot. I want you to tell him you're with Eclipse.'_

_'But I'm not.'_

_'**YES YOU ARE!**'_

_'Jesus Christ! You just want me to be with somebody so you can get laid!'_

_'So **you** can get laid and I can feel some small degree of the pleasure, just like with everything else you do. You need a sex life, boy. You're nearly eighteen years old. I never went that long without sex.'_

_'I know,'_ the redhead replied coldly.

_'Point is, you love Eclipse. It's obvious. Deny it and I'll poke your brain!'_

_'You can't do that.'_ Kurama felt a sharp pain in his head and cried out loud. "Ow! You stupid!"

Karasu looked up, eyes wide and slightly watery.

"Not you," the boy said quickly. He felt the pain again. "Ow! Stop it!"

_'You just felt the need to comfort him. Don't do it again.'_

_'Yes, **master**,'_ he replied sarcastically.

_'That's right! Now, I want you to drag Eclipse away from her car and tell her how much you love her.'_

_'But I don't--OW! What are you **doing?**'_

_'Poking your brain. Not in a literal sense, stupid. But I've been up here all your life, so you'd think I would figure some things out by now, no?'_

_'I hate you, Youko.'_

_'I know, I know... Now GO CONFESS YOUR LOVE FOR HER! So you can get laid!'_

_'Stupid!'_ Kurama snapped at his counterpart, but he found himself walking over to Eclipse. He knelt in front of her and took her hand gently off the car. She looked at him.

"Can I talk to you for a minute? It's really important."

"Sure. Just keep your voice down. She's finally asleep."

Kurama sighed and stood up, pulling the girl to her feet and leading her away. He ignored Karasu's looks and listening ears as he took her to the dead end of the alley. Holding both her hands in his, he sighed a bit.

"This may be an odd time to tell you, but I was just thinking... And I have to tell you." _'Only because of you, stupid fox.'_

_'TELL HER.'_

_'Yessir!'_

"What is it?" she asked quietly.

"Well... I love you."

She stared for a second, then a smile appeared on her face and she squealed, jumping up and wrapping her legs around his waist and kissing him, then hugging him around the neck and squealing again, letting go with her legs so she could jump up and down squealing.

_'Jesus. I didn't quite expect **that** reaction,'_ Youko muttered.

In the entrance to the alley, Hiei looked at Shadow. "Why didn't _I_ get a reaction like that?"

Eclipse was now jumping up and down and up and down and up and down saying, "I love you, I love you, I love you!" on each jump and landing. Karasu's eyes widened to an unimaginable size, looking quite out of place on his face. Shadow walked up to him and took his hand in both of hers.

"I'm sorry, Karasu," she said gently. "If it makes you feel any better, you can hang out with me and Hiei until the suicidal tendencies pass."

"But... they love... he loves..." The crow was lost for words and merely whined pathetically.

"It's okay," Shadow cooed, hugging him. "You could cry on my shoulder if I wasn't so much shorter than you."

Karasu sobbed. "But..."

"**Get over it!**" Hiei snapped. That was it. The demon burst into tears, sliding to his knees and sobbing on Shadow's shoulder. Hiei, previously glaring, looked surprised, eyes wide with wonder. He'd never quite expected _that_ reaction. Shadow grabbed his hand and put it on Karasu's back.

"Rub his back! Make him feel like somebody cares!"

"I'm not--" Shadow glared. "...Fine..." He began awkwardly rubbing the pale demon's back while Kurama and Eclipse kissed passionately in the corner. Their first real, passionate, meaningful kiss.

And this was one of the worst possible moments for Random Surfer Dude to show up, but he did.

"Hey, dudes and dudettes," he said, showing up just as Kurama and Eclipse's lips and tongues parted. Everybody but Karasu looked up.

"RSD!" Shadow cheered. "I'd hug you, but my hands are full right now."

"That's like, totally cool by me. I just thought that, y'know, maybe I'd like, stop by and tell you that there's uh, some cop cars on the way here."

"There's what?"

"Cops, dudette."

"Thanks a million, RSD," Shadow said. "Is that it?"

"Totally. Oh, and congrats, Eclipse, you've got like, a totally tubular guy."

"Thanks!" she chirped.

"Like, bye all."

"Bye-bye!" He continued walkind down the street.

"Well how's this gonna work?" she asked. She looked back to her friends. "Hey, lovebirds, sorry to separate you so soon, but Kurama needs to drive my new stolen truck to my house while Hiei and I go by means of my new stolen motorcycle, unless Hiei wants to ride with Kurama. Eclipse, you can come to my house too, if you want. I have plenty of bedrooms, y'know."

"We're not gonna fuck yet," she stated coldly.

_'Yeah, that's what she thinks,'_ Youko taunted.

_'That's what I think too, fox. So we're not.'_

_'You suck. So badly. I need laid.'_

_'I know, Youko. It's not my fault.'_

_'Yes it is. You could have banged any number of your drooling fans years ago with no ill effects to yourself.'_

_'Drop it before you start.'_

_'Hmph.'_

_'I bet Shadow wouldn't object to you screwing Hiei.'_

_'Aww, you naughty boy. I'm telling them you said that.'_ There was a pause. _'Then I'll screw him.'_

_'**I DIDN'T MEAN IT!**'_ the boy cried desperately in his head. Youko's laughter was all that answered.

Shadow stroked Karasu's hair for a second, then stepped back. "Karasu, you can come to my house, okay? We'll try to care about you a little so you don't feel _as_ suicidal..."

There were police sirens now audible in the distance. Shadow pushed Karasu away. Hiei had already dragged Kurama to their new truck and given him the key. Eclipse jumped in her car.

"Okay! Here's how it's happening. Hiei, you're riding with Kurama. Karasu, you're riding with me."

"What?"

"GET ON THE FRIKKIN' MOTORCYCLE!"

"Yes ma'am!"

And so, in that manner, they all made it back to Shadow's. Kurama and Eclipse hung around in Kurama's bedroom, bonding. Karasu sprawled out on the couch and slept while Hiei and Shadow watched TV from her sacred fluffy recliner.

All the police found was that an explosion had been "caused by a gas leak." It had luckily totally destroyed the entire mob. How coincidental.

* * *

**I had questions from people... Kokuei means 'dark shadow' or 'silhouette' and shugotenshi means 'guardian angel.' You can see why the dog would prefer Kokuei to Shugotenshi... Though she is sort of a guardian angel...**


	30. Religious Fanatic

**(7-11-05) Ha ha, 7-11... Ahem. Anyways... I have 967 reviews.** And you all are probably gonna all review this chapter and the next one bitching about the length. Or more like the lack of. These two chapters are very short. If I'd bothered proofing chapter 31 already, I'd post it at the same time... But I just now remembered that I'd intended to do that. Maybe I'll post it tomorrow, once I've got some feedback on this chapter.

On to a different note... **So many people felt bad for Karasu!** I guess what I did _was_ awful mean, but... what was I supposed to do? Have Kurama turn around and throw himself into Karasu's arms and start kissing him! Yeah, I can see the reviews for THAT chapter! "YOU BITCH! THAT WAS HORRIBLE AND DISGUSTING! HOW COULD YOU WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THAT ABOUT MY KURAMA!" Yep... That wouldn't fare well... Don't worry... No Kurama and Karasu make-out scenes in this story...

**Believe it or not, I just now went back to a chapter earlier in the story and realized fanfiction was doing something really stupid. I know this thing they have automatically cuts out some spaces, asterisks, etc, extra exclamation points and the like, but when I put two dashes at the end of speech to show the speaker was cut off, it erased them. How damn stupid is that? I had dashes all over the place like that. You people probably got confused at some point by my "awful" puncuation. Damn fanfiction site.**

Oh. You all get to meet Ryu's boyfriend in this chapter... And... That's all the spoiler I'm gonna give you. Except for the warning.

**_Warnings:_ Shounen ai! Omg! Like, o. m. g!** What else... Blackmail, fighting, torment, cussing, instantaneous transportation, mentions of suicide... A short chapter can't have as wide a variety of things... There'salludes to possible slavery,questionable mentions ofadultery, discussion of sex, murdering, etc, that you would expect in a story written by a totally innocent and pure 15-year-old girl...

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY  
**Religious Fanatic Bitch

The following day, Arisa was not in school. Shadow sought out Kurama when she discovered this.

"What'd you do with Arisa?"

"What?"

"I mean, you erased her memory, but did you like, give her severe head trauma too?"

"Maybe she's sick," Eclipse suggested.

"Shut up, you don't know what you're talking about!"

"Or maybe she's just so utterly traumatized by the fact that her life is about to spiral down the drain that she decided to stay home and end it," the girl continued.

"What? She's killing herself? OH MY GOD SHE'S KILLING HERSELF!" Shadow shrieked, looking horrified. Then she paused. "Oh well. WAIT! THAT _IS_ AWFUL! I WON'T GET TO RUIN HER LIFE IF SHE DOESN'T HAVE ONE ANYMORE! I HAVE TO GO STOP HER!" She ran to the window and launched out it, rolling to her feet when she hit the ground and tearing down the street.

She was at Arisa's in record time, peering in the girl's bedroom window. Arisa was in there alright. Shadow whistled to get her attention. She looked up and instantly a look of horror appeared on her face. Getting up, she nearly ran to the window.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Checking in on you. Somebody said you were killing yourself."

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"To keep me from showing your mother those pictures, so your life does not spiral into a pit of misery. Incidentally, is your mother home?"

"Yes- I mean no."

Shadow smiled and let herself fall backwards out of the tree. She landed on her hands, flipped to her feet, and strolled around to the front of the house. Ringing the doorbell, she met Arisa's mother for the first time face-to-face.

"Yes? Can I help you?" the lady said.

"My name is Shadow... I have something you might like to see. Concerning your daughter."

Arisa appeared behind her mother, looking horrified.

"Has she done something wrong?"

"You could say that," Shadow said coldly, glaring at Arisa.

"Well, come in!"

The lady seemed kind of... eager. Shadow tilted her head to the side slightly, following the lady inside. Pulling a large envelope out of her coat, the red-eyed girl sat down at the offered chair at the kitchen table. Arisa started to slink away, but her mother took a stern tone.

"Arisa, why don't you sit down with us?"

"I'm not feeling well, mother," she lied pathetically. "I really just feel like going to bed."

"Sit down."

She obeyed. Shadow had evil thoughts running through her head. Her mother was a bitch. That was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. A religious fanatic bitch. Hardly what Shadow had expected, but good all the same.

"Now... What is this about?" Arisa's mother asked.

"Well, your daughter has been engaging in... unwholesome activities," Shadow said, sounding intelligent. "Look at these photos." She handed the lady the envelope.

Arisa's mother opened the envelope and removed the very good, clear, 8 x 12 pictures. Shadow watched with growing joy the rage boiling up on the woman's face. Arisa seemed to shrink into her chair.

"Thank you, Shadow-san," her mother finally said. "I'll deal with this. Thank you. Arisa, why don't you show her to the door."

"No, that's alright, I can find it myself," Shadow said. She briefly considered doing something stupid, like running into the doorframe, but that would ruin the intelligent facade she'd so brilliantly managed to play out. So, she got up and went to the door, pausing to cast a smirk and a wink back at Arisa before she let herself out. Turning, she scurried around the corner of the house and ducked down under the kitchen window to listen.

"What is this all about?"

"It's-"

"DID I SAY YOU COULD SPEAK?"

"Not dir-"

"THEN DON'T!"

Outside, Shadow suppressed a snicker.

"Now, I think I know exactly how to deal with this."

"Mother-"

"SHUTUP."

"Who are you calling!"

"GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

Again, Shadow suppressed a snicker, picking up on the sound of Arisa storming up the stairs. Above her head on the second floor, a window opened and Arisa's head popped out. Shadow looked up and smiled, waving. Then she scurried away on her hands and feet, around the side of the house, straight up the wall like a spider, and onto the roof, where she very nearly fell off when she found somebody already up there.

"Eclipse!"

The brown-haired girl grabbed her and pulled her up onto the roof, hugging her.

"You're a freakin' genius! I couldn't have done it any better myself!"

"Of course you couldn't have, because you're not as great as me." She dodged a punch.

"So who's she calling?"

"Not a clue." Shadow slunk over to the edge of the roof above Arisa's window and sat for a second, waiting, until she heard the anticipated door-flying-open-and-slamming-into-the-wall noise. "But we're about to find out."

"I called the Armed Forces!" came Arisa's mother's voice. "You're going to boot camp! You leave next week." Shadow nearly exploded with laughter.

"What? But Mother-"

"No arguing!"

The door slammed shut, signalling Arisa's mother's leaving. Shadow lay on her stomach on the roof and Eclipse held onto her wrists as the other girl lowered her down. Eclipse hung at the window until Arisa looked up.

"Hi!" she said cheerfully.

"What the hell are you doing here?" The girl's face was streaked where her make-up had run because of her tears.

"I heard what you've got to do. Boot camp is really tough. I bet they don't even let you wear make-up there, let alone have sex."

"Shut up!" She flung a vase out the window at Eclipse. It hit her and she screeched, pulling Shadow off the roof and they fell to their deaths, only to hit the ground in a heap and stay quite alive. They scurried to their feet and ran away laughing.

Shadow went straight to the gym.

"HIEIHIEIHIEIGUESSWHAT?"

He stared blankly.

"IDIDITIDIDIT!"

"Did what?"

"Ruined her life!"

"Now?"

"Yeah! She's goin' to BOOT CAMP! WOOHOO!" She started jumping around like a maniac, doing wild gymnastics and insane things like such.

"Boot camp? But I thought you said her mother was all psycho religious?"

"Yeah, well apparently she's not as psycho religious as I'd thought. She seems to be more of a bitch who's leeching off other peoples' misfortunes to live."

"Wow. Nice person."

"I know," Shadow said. "She'll even leech off her daughter's misery! I bet she'll get great joy from hearing about how her daughter dies because of sexual withdrawal!"

"Is that even possible?"

"Probably not!" Shadow cried joyfully. "But I don't care! As long as she suffers a lot!"

"So what does that leave us?" Hiei asked, catching her arm as she did a ballet jump past him.

"Leave us? Leave us? It leaves us free to live our lives!" She flung her arms around him and kissed him wetly on the lips.

"Okay," he managed, wiping her excessive slobber off his mouth with a disgusted look on his face, "and what does that entail?"

"Breathing, eating... reproducing." She grinned. Hiei couldn't help but chuckle at the look.

"You're certifiable," he muttered.

"I know... I know..."

The gym door flew open so that it banged against the wall. Shadow jumped and turned. None other than our dear friend Hiroshi Nakada was stamping towards the couple with rage boiling in his eyes.

"Uh-oh," Shadow said plainly, before the boy shoved her out of the way and punched Hiei. The fire demon turned his head with the hit, lessening what little pain resulted from the stupid human's punch, then grabbed the boy's wrist and twisted it up behind his back.

"You'll regret that," he stated coldly. He flung the boy forward. Nakada stumbled, then caught his balance and spun around, glaring.

"I really doubt it," he snapped. "That little bitch of a girlfriend of yours will pay."

Eclipse popped up by Shadow and whispered, "But if he was mad at you, why'd he punch Hiei?"

"I dunno," Shadow replied, like Eclipse appearing out of nowhere next to her wasn't odd. "Why don't you ask him?"

"Hey!" Eclipse called. "If you're pissed at Shadow, why'd you punch Hiei? Surely your eyesight isn't that bad?"

"You too, bitch! You're gonna pay!"

"What'd I do?"

"Shut up, Eclipse," Hiei snapped. Nakada grabbed Hiei's arm.

"Come on outside," he snarled. "Let me beat the shit out of you in front of your little girlfriend."

"I'm not little! I resent that!" Shadow snapped.

"And what makes you think that after countless tries, you're suddenly going to be able to beat me?" Hiei asked, pulling his arm out of the teen's (rather weak) grip.

"I just punched you, didn't I?"

"It didn't hurt," the little demon informed him with a slight smirk.

"Oh yeah? How's this for not hurting?" Nakada aimed a kick at Hiei's stomach. The fire demon caught his ankle and flipped him onto his face.

"Who wants to go report this to the office?" Hiei asked. Shadow jumped up and down screaming.

"I WILL!" She took off running. Nakada went after her. In the doorway, she jumped up and grasped the edge of the doorframe and from there, kicked Nakada in the face, then dropped down and took off running. Not to the office, but to the roof. She went straight for the nearest tree, jumped to it, scurried down, and went back to class. Nakada continued searching the hallways, as she had been way to fast for him to notice that she didn't go to the office.

In her normal gym class, Shadow puzzled over why exactly Nakada was flipping out all over them. Either because of Arisa, or because of the mob. She couldn't decide. But from her knowledge, Nakada didn't have mob connections. Arisa had, but she was 'toast' now, so it must have been because of her, Shadow finally decided.

Then she ran outside, jumped on her new motorcycle, and went twice the speed limit all the way home. Even so, Hiei beat her on foot. She cursed his unnaturally freaky speeds.

"So what now?" she asked, staring at him cluelessly.

"So maybe now we can go kill Nakada?"

"Are we really supposed to kill him?"

"True. I'm not allowed." Hiei sighed. "How are we supposed to get rid of him without killing him?"

Shadow shrugged. "Ship him out of the country? Take icky nasty surveilance of him? Um... Burn down his house and force him to become an orphan? Sell him on eBay!"

"Sell him on eBay? Isn't that illegal?"

"Yes. Oh, hell, let's just kill him!"

"Isn't that illegal too?" Hiei reminded.

"So?"

The fire demon sighed, shaking his head.

"Glad you agree with my plan," Shadow said. "Now how shall we go about it?"

"Drop an H-bomb on him," Eclipse suggested, appearing out of nowhere.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!" Shadow screamed. "HIEI AND I COULD HAVE BEEN IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING!"

"You two aren't having sex," the other girl reminded. "You have your resolution and your immortality to think of. Plus it's illegal."

Shadow frowned. "Bitch."

Karasu, who'd been tiredly meandering into the room just then, stopped dead in the doorway. "What?"

The black-haired girl rushed to him, hugging him and speaking in a sweet, comforting voice. "Nothing, my sexy little bitch. I wasn't talking to you. Can I get you something to ease your misery?"

"I'm kinda hungry," the crow admitted. Shadow spun around, pointing.

"ECLIPSE! Partial causer of my Karasu's misery! Go make ramen!"

"Yes sir!" She saluted and marched off to the kitchen. Hiei and Shadow stared in awe.

"Since when does she obey you without question?" Hiei asked.

"I don't know. You'd better go watch to make sure she doesn't poison it."

"Why can't you?"

"Would you rather comfort Karasu? Come on. Come hug him and rub his back."

"Right. I'm gone." Hiei hurried off to the kitchen. Shadow stepped back, hands on her hips.

"Anything I can do?"

"Convince Kurama to break up with her."

"I hardly believe he'll do that," she replied. "I can convince him to tolerate your presence, if you can stand to be around him when he's kissing Eclipse..."

"Um..."

"Oh, but do promise me something, Karasu," Shadow said. "Promise me that no matter how depressed you may get, you will _not_ try to force anything on him. Don't rape him, and don't kill him."

Karasu's eyes widened. "You don't trust me either?"

"That's not what I said! I'm just looking out for both of you!" She led him to the couch and sat down next to him. "Do you promise?"

"I promise," Karasu sighed.

"Thank you, dear crow." She hugged him. "Now... I'm gonna go make sure Hiei isn't cheating on me in the kitchen..."

Karasu watched her go with a raised eyebrow. The second she was out of sight, there was a knock at the door.

"Karasu! Be a dear and get the door, would you?" Shadow called from the kitchen. He sighed and got up from the couch, walking to the door and opening it. And there was Kurama.

"Oh," the fox said. "Hi."

"Hello, Kurama," Karasu managed. He stood aside. "Come in."

"Thanks."

_'Shuuichi...'_ Youko threatened in the back of the redhead's mind.

_'I'm being polite. Leave me alone. Shadow'd have my head if I was an ass to him.'_

The fox sighed. _'Whatever.'_

"Is Eclipse here?" Kurama asked, absently stroking Kokuei's head when she stuck it under his hand.

"In the kitchen," the crow answered. He wasn't mad at Kurama, really. He was just upset about how easily and outrightly he'd been shunned. It wasn't his fault he wanted Kurama. Everybody did. It was like a _rule_. Kurama was beautiful. If you didn't want him for his body or for his legend, you were probably asexual. After all... he was Youko Kurama.

The redhead wandered in that direction. Karasu watched him walk away, then followed once he was out of sight. After all, he could still be admired even though he loved someone else.

"Ramen's done!" Eclipse announced. Then she glanced at the door and squealed, ramen forgotten as she jumped on her new boyfriend. He nearly stumbled, taking a few steps back and running into Karasu. I'm ruthless, aren't I?

Shadow snickered as the three froze: Eclipse's arms around Kurama's neck, his hands on her hips, Karasu's eyes wide.

"Such a coincidence, no?" she muttered to Hiei as Eclipse stepped back and pulled Kurama away from the crow.

"Yes, a coincidence," Hiei replied sarcastically. "One I'm sure the authoress totally had no influence in, right?"

"Exactly. Let's have ramen."

Kurama and Eclipse stayed in the dining room while Hiei, Shadow, and Karasu went to the living room. Kokuei laid on the couch next to Karasu while the fire demons both sat in Shadow's sacred recliner.

"So-" Shadow started, and there was a knock at the door. "KURAMA! Get that, if you're not too busy!"

The redhead grumbled and got up, answering the door to find Ryu on the porch, smiling, hand-in-hand with another guy. He looked foreign: light-skinned with dyed white hair hanging over dirty green eyes. Nothing too far from average in looks, and only slightly taller than Ryu.

"Hello," Kurama said kindly.

"Hey Shuuichi. Can we come in?"

"Of course." He stood aside. Ryu led the other teen inside. The boy offered his hand to Kurama.

"Nice to meet you, Shuuichi. I'm Masaru. Ryu's boyfriend."

Shadow came flying into the room and threw her arms around the two boys. "YOU TWO ARE SUCH AN ADORABLE COUPLE!" She smiled, pinching Masaru's cheeks like an old grandma and making 'goochy goochy!' noises like you would to a baby.

"Shadow," Hiei said from the doorway. She stopped, looking at him, and he raised an eyebrow, pointing to Masaru's face. She looked at him and let go of his cheeks, laughing nervously and sidling over to Hiei.

"Sorry about that," Kurama muttered.

"No, it's alright," Masaru said. Then, to Ryu, "I see what you mean."

"About what?"

"About all of them."

Ryu chuckled. "They're great people though. They saved me a lot of humiliation."

"Thank you, thank you very much," Shadow said, bowing.

"Masaru wanted to meet you guys. I told him about how you helped me." He smiled. "That's so great that Arisa's going to boot camp."

"How'd you know!" Shadow asked suspiciously.

"You told me, Shadow."

She looked thoughtful, then grinned. "That I did."

"We just finished dinner, but I'm sure Shadow could get something for you two if you want it," Kurama offered.

"Nah, that's okay. We were just on our way to dinner."

"Awww..." Shadow cooed. Hiei hit her in the head and she yelped. "What!"

"Shut up."

"Oh, cut me a break. You don't think they're a cute couple?"

"Hn"

"That's the first monosyllable I've heard out of you in quite some time, Hiei! So what is it, a yes? A no?"

"I don't think of humans as cute."

"Oh. That's right. You don't think of _anything_ as cute. You cold-hearted bastard."

Hiei just rolled his eyes. Masaru laughed a little. Shadow snapped her fingers.

"We all totally did not introduce ourselves. I'm Shadow, this is my boyfriend Hiei... he's a bit of a freak, you get used to it."

"Thanks, Shadow," Hiei muttered. She ignored him.

"That's Shuuichi, as I'm sure you already knew, and his girlfriend Eclipse..." She grabbed Karasu, who was lurking just outside the doorway of the room. "Karasu, my sexy bitch, and..." Glancing around, she found Kokuei and pointed to her. "And my dog, Kokuei."

"You're probably the only person who would feel a need to introduce your dog," Hiei sighed. Kokuei let out something of a husky woof at him and he gave her a funny look. "Then again, your dog is pretty damn close to being human."

"It's nice to meet you all," Masaru said. "Thank you for what you did."

"We were glad to help," Kurama said.

"Don't listen to him," Shadow hissed. "It was all me."

"Regardless, thank you," the boy said again. Shadow smiled.

"You're welcome." She bowed. Then she straightened, tapping her forefinger on her lower lip. "Y'know... No offense intended, but I've always wanted to see two guys kiss."

"You mean you haven't before?" Hiei asked incredulously. "You, with all your immense knowledge of... everything and nothing, have never seen two guys kiss?"

"Never in person," she replied dejectedly. Then she perked up and said hopefully to Ryu, "So would you mind?"

"Not at all," Masaru replied, smiling. Shadow watched with rapt attention as they kissed, leaning slightly on Hiei when they started getting really passionate. Eclipse, who was for some reason sitting on the dining table, had rather wide eyes, and was also watching raptly.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Kurama cleared his throat. They pulled apart instantly, seeming slightly startled. There was silence for a moment, then Shadow (of course) spoke up.

"That... was hot."

"Yes it was," Ryu agreed breathlessly. He hit Masaru's arm. "Why don't you kiss me like that all the time! Jerk!"

The other boy shrugged, grinning. "If I kissed you like that all the time, it wouldn't be special, would it?"

Ryu crossed his arms and turned his back on his boyfriend. "Hmph."

"Oh, come on, don't get all pouty," Masaru pleaded, smiling as he wrapped his arms around the other boy's waist. He leaned close to his ear and whispered something that made Ryu smile.

"You two should probably get going, right?" Kurama said.

"Not to make you feel unwelcome or anything," Shadow added, kicking Kurama subtly. He flinched a bit, but otherwise didn't react.

"Yes, we should," Ryu said. "Bye, then."

"Nice meeting you," Masaru added.

"Yes, you too," Shadow said cheerfully. "Hope we see each other again! Bye!"

The two left and Shadow squealed and jumped on Hiei. "That was awesome!"

"You're certifiable," he muttered.

"You've told me this before... Hiei, I _love you_..."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Yeah, I do. That's not really the answer I expected."

"Love you too."

"Are you jealous?"

"No."

"Well that's- Hey! Karasu, where are you going?"

"My room," the crow answered.

"Awwww, I'm sorry! Did that upset you?" She started after the demon, totally ditching Hiei. He tossed his hands up in the air and went to the living room to plop down on the couch. Kokuei jumped up next to him and licked his face.

"Yuck," he grouched, wiping his cheek. The dog gave him a dejected look, jumped down, and followed Shadow. Kurama watched all this with a curious look.

"She's not ditching you for Karasu, is she?" Eclipse asked bluntly. Hiei said nothing as he got up, not even looking in their direction, and stomped up the stairs. The girl stared for a minute before looking to Kurama. "Did I say something wrong?" He just sighed and shook his head, starting for the stairs.

* * *

Yes. That was the 'questionable mention of adultery'. Anyways... Don't bitch at me for how short this chapter is! I was getting really damn tired of writing this story! Oh yeah, and if there's any little tiny typos, like 'gaurd' instead of 'guard' please don't point them out! _-glares-_ I don't CARE! And I didn't kill a cat in the last chapter, Karasu kicked it and it ran away unharmed... Well, _alive_, at least...And I know I said there wouldn't be any more love confessions in this story, so pardon me for Youko having his hands in Kurama and Eclipse's relationship... Remember his New Year's Resolution? 

Oh, I wrote this chapter, or part of it,shortly after watching the kamikaze watermelon thing SEKAH recommended to me... XD So, using the knowledge at hand... sometime in early June... And it's early July... So see? You're getting these chapters with only a little less than a **_month_** of delay...

-SJ


	31. Destruction

**(7-13-05) Yay! 991 Reviews! We'll hit 1,000 with this chapter, I know it!  
****In the mean while... I was writing this chapter on/around June 20. Don't ask how I know. It's my power of first sight.**

**Warnings: **Death and making out. I don't think there's much else you'd all complain about. Sadism. And Karasu.

See the chapter number? I couldn't remember what chapter I was on. I had to go back and look. Now... This chapter is even shorter than the last one (which apparently, according to all you, wasn't short... O.o)

**Oh, and the first chapter of my next story is finished... Well, I finished it a few days ago and haven't done any more with it since then. Heh heh. So it might suck. I haven't reread any of the stuff I wrote yet... I'll have to make some edits, probably...**

* * *

**CHAPTER... wtf... uh... 31  
**Destruction

All the little arguments that broke out after Ryu and Masaru's departure were eventually settled, by Kurama the Peacekeeper and Kokuei the Leg-Biter, and while Shadow bandaged Karasu's bloodied leg in the infirmary, Hiei sat on the next bed over watching her quietly. Finally, once she'd finished, she spun around and grabbed his ear.

"Something you wanna say?"

"Ow! Bitch!"

"Oh, Hiei, you know I'm sorry," Shadow said, letting go and placing her hand gently on his cheek. "You know I love you, right?"

He nodded reluctantly.

"I'm not ditching you for Karasu. I never would do that. He's just... too... uh, well, he's Karasu."

"Thank you Shadow," the crow muttered from about three feet away. Hiei spared him a glance.

"You're welcome," she replied without moving her eyes from Hiei's face. "Anyways, Hiei, you know I'm just trying to keep Karasu from killing himself because of rejection."

"What do I care if he kills himself because of rejection? That's his problem."

"Thank you Hiei," Karasu muttered miserably.

"You're welcome," the demon replied, eyes locked with Shadow's.

"Now, are you okay?" Shadow asked.

"My leg rather hurts," Karasu answered. Both fire demons got evil looks on their faces and Karasu sighed. "I know, I know, you weren't talking to me and you don't care."

"Yes," Hiei finally said in answer to Shadow. "I'm okay now, koishii."

"Can we go make love?"

"No."

"Damn."

"But we _can_ do _this_." He pulled her close and kissed her. Karasu watched dejectedly, then let out a whimper.

"Everybody's got somebody to be with except for me!"

Shadow hesitated, then pulled away from Hiei and grinned. "You've got Kokuei."

"That dog nearly ripped off my leg!" he screeched. Shadow burst out laughing at the uncharacteristically high pitch of his voice. Hiei chuckled and slid off the bed, taking Shadow's hand.

"I've got work, koishii," he reminded.

"Oh yeah." She gently kissed his cheek. "We've got a little time before that."

"Yes... Yes we do."

She flashed him a devilish grin, which Karasu caught sight of and nearly screamed. He'd seen that grin, or something very similar, a few times between people who were about to go screw each other silly. He didn't want to think about sex right now. That was so cruel. Right now, he wanted... to kill something. To share that sick 'intimacy.'

Then again, sex wasn't sounding all that bad either. Maybe he could go rape someone.

But with his leg ripped up and bleeding, he didn't really think that was the best of ideas.

Damn. How to entertain himself.

Well, he could sleep, or sit on his ass and count the strands in the spiderwebs that hung delicately in the corners of the room, or he could... plot ways to get Kurama in his bed.

Decisions, decisions.

He aimed for the latter.

The first thought that came to his mind was to kill Eclipse, but really he didn't want to. Death was such an intimate thing... Perhaps... No! Perhaps that was perfect! Perhaps he could make Kurama jealous... share such an intimacy with his mate... and then... capture the beautiful fox... and... do many unmentionable things to him. It was a wonderful plan. It would work.

He sat up, swung his feet to the floor, and stood. One step, two, then a low snarl made him freeze.

Kokuei came into the doorway, teeth bared.

Karasu quickly returned to his bed.

If dogs could laugh, Kokuei was as she joyously trotted away, up the stairs, and jumped on the couch next to Kurama and Eclipse, who were half asleep and watching some dubbed movie on TV. They hadn't even noticed Hiei and Shadow sneak up the stairs moments earlier.

That's okay, because all Hiei and Shadow were doing was making out on their bed.

Without shirts.

Touching each other.

Grinding their hips together in an utterly sexual manner.

WRITHING AND SCREAMING EACH OTHER'S NAMES AND-- Okay. Got carried away. Sorry.

Suddenly, Shadow pushed Hiei away. He made a pathetic noise of surprise and unhappiness.

"What about Kyouken?"

"Eh!" Hiei questioned intelligently.

"I mean, he's totally fucked up your life! We have to do something about him! We have to... to... beat the shit out of him or something! Come on!"

"Shadow, I don't give a damn about Kyouken right now!" he whined in a very pathetic manner. Shadow's hands, on his shoulders, trailed downwards.

"Oh. Okay! Who cares about Kyouken!" She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him closer to continue where they'd left off.

At work that night, Kyouken was more insuffrable than usual. He bitched at Hiei every time he saw him, even if the little demon was doing exactly what he'd been told. Finally, Hiei got fed up and slammed his fist down on his desk. It cracked slightly, but no one could tell.

"**SHUT UP!**"

Kyouken, along with the entire office, froze.

_I'm gonna kill him._

That was Hiei's only thought as Kyouken grabbed the front of his uniform.

"_What?_" the police captain hissed.

"I said _Shut up_," Hiei snarled through clenched teeth. "Get your slimey hands off me."

"Uhh, Hiei?" Saiko murmured nervously.

"You dare to talk to me like that?" Kyouken hissed.

"Obviously," Hiei growled. "Now didn't I ask you to get your dirty hands off me?"

"Actually I think you said slimey," Saiko muttered. "But what do I matter?"

Kyouken did not let go of Hiei. In fact, he dragged Hiei out the back entrance and slammed him up against the wall.

"You're so damn lucky I haven't killed you yet, Jaganshi."

"You're lucky I haven't ripped out your entrails and hung you with them," Hiei growled. "Now let GO OF ME!"

"SHUT UP!"

In the space of about three seconds, Kyouken's gun left its holster, pressed against Hiei's head, and the fire demon swore, vanishing and ripping his uniform in the process of getting away from a point-blank gunshot to his temple.

Hiei reappeared not far from Kyouken. The man swore and spun, aiming his gun at Hiei and pulling the trigger.

Dodge, dodge, dodge... The fire demon waited until Kyouken got pissed or ran out of bullets. The former happened before the latter and he lunged at the little demon, who, of course, dodged. Hiei punched Kyouken a few times, knocking him out cold, then yanked the ward off his Jagan, being sure his back was turned to the station in case any curious spectators were peering through the windows, as he was sure they were.

Finishing his task, he replaced his ward and went back inside. Going straight to Kyouken's office, he tore through the desk and filing cabinets until he found the contract he'd signed, tore it into a thousand pieces, threw it in the trash, and burned it.

Feeling slightly better about himself, he proceeded to remove his police jacket, burn it, and go into the main office. Everyone was watching him. He didn't care.

"You may want to take that fuckhead home," he said as he went through the stuff on his computer. "I think he may wake up a changed person."

Finding that he'd left nothing of importance on the computer, he turned and strolled to the door.

"I'm done here," he stated calmly. "I had some amount of fun. You all... keep on... doing your thing... If you ever arrest me you'll end up the same way Fuckhead will be when he wakes up. Ja mata!" He turned and left.

Returning home around midnight, rather than his customary 6 AM, sparked interest.

"What the fuck are you doing home?" Eclipse asked. "Why do you look like shit?"

"Because he's Hiei. That's just what he looks like," Karasu stated. Hiei punched him in the nose. "Where's Shadow?"

"Upstairs..." Kurama answered cautiously. Hiei strolled up the stairs like it wasn't odd. Shadow was playing video games and barely noticed him enter the room until he sat on the bed behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle. Then she yelped and paused the game, spinning around and nearly hitting him. She would have, too, if he hadn't dodged.

"Damn!"

"Hiei?"

"God... You almost killed me!"

"What are you doing here!"

"I quit," he stated plainly. "Kyouken will wake up a changed man. And find his garbage can full of the ashes from my contract. And my police jacket. And everything else that had been in there, since fire isn't picky."

"Um... 'Changed man'?"

"He's gonna be a woman. With a dick, of course."

"Gyeh!"

"Actually, I think he's gonna be a mother of ten... They all moved away, of course, and now he sits at home with his cat and his knitting."

Shadow snorted. "You..."

"Kyouken is a changed man, indeed," Hiei muttered. Shadow put a hand behind his head and smashed their mouths together, kissing him fervently.

"You're wonderful!" she gasped.

"I know," he said, smiling.

"You're also under arrest," came Koenma's voice from the doorway.

"**YOU'RE NOT ARRESTING HIEI! I DON'T GIVE A FLYING RAT'S ASS WHAT HE DID, YOU'RE NOT ARRESTING HIM! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! NOW!**" Shadow screamed, so loud the closest neighbors heard her, God knows how far away.

"Eep," was all Koenma could manage to say.

...Ten minutes later...

"Incidentally, I saw what you did before Hiei went to work," Koenma said off-handedly.

There was a short pause. Hiei and Shadow stared at Koenma. He stared back. Then Shadow, ever so slowly, stood up. Ever so slowly walked over to Koenma. Stood in front of him for a moment.

Then punched him in the face.

Leaving him lying in the hallway, she slammed the bedroom door and stalked back over to Hiei, plopping down on his lap and leaning back against him.

"Now I'm all upset," she whined. Hiei turned off the TV and drew her into an embrace.

"I love you."

"I know... I love you too."

"I bet Koenma will get in trouble."

"What for?"

"For badgering us," Hiei replied, laying back on the bed with Shadow in his arms. "For spying on us." Holding her close, he petted her hair. "For generally being stupid. C'mon. Let's get some sleep."

And indeed they did. The next few days were spent just chilling out, and enjoying Hiei's freedom. It came down to the next to last Friday of school before summer vacation before Shadow finally declared that Nakada had to be dealt with.

"Nakada has to be dealt with," she declared, standing up in the middle of gym class while everyone was doing stretches. Hiei glanced at her, eyebrow raised.

"I know," he stated. "Now sit your ass down and keep doing your stretches."

Shadow blinked. "Okay." She did.

When class was over, Shadow returned to her casual clothes and ran out of the gym like her ass was on fire.

"Where's _she_ going?" Kurama asked.

"To find Nakada's car and pop the tires," Hiei replied.

"Why?"

"So he can't get away from her on her motorcycle."

Kurama stared at him for a minute. "What?"

"I don't know, that's just what she told me."

There was another pause. "Oh... Okay." Kurama blinked. "Why's she gonna chase him on her motorcycle?"

"To kill him, probably. Or maul him. Or hope he falls into the street just as a bus is coming."

"She's not allowed to kill humans either, is she?"

"She has before."

"When!"

"I dunno..."

Eclipse popped up out of nowhere and jumped on Kurama. "Can we go to Subway?"

"I swear, you have a one track mind!" he complained.

"That's okay. Shadow does too," Hiei reminded.

"Yeah, but at least it's not Subway sandwiches!"

"No, it's sex," the fire demon muttered. He looked thoughtful, then shrugged and walked away, ignoring Kurama's "Hey! You're not gonna help me out here?"

Shadow easily found Nakada's car. She slashed the tires, then leaned on the car to wait for the boy to come out. Hiei appeared next to her to wait. When Nakada showed, he looked furious. Not an unusual countenance for his ugly mug. If you made a chart of his most commonly used facial expressions, "confused" and "stupid" would be the only other ones on there.

"What the hell are you doing on my car?" he snapped.

"Shittin'," Shadow answered casually, examining her nails. "I mean sitting!"

"Get off! Unless you have a death wish!"

"Do you still want to rape me?" she asked curiously.

Nakada opened the back door of his car and reached inside, pulling out a crowbar.

"Holy SHIT!" Shadow yelped. Hiei, sitting on the roof of the car, watched with curious eyes as the thug moved towards Shadow with the crowbar at the ready.

"I'll take that as a no," she muttered, dodging his first swing. "So, you get any letter from Arisa from boot camp yet?"

"SHUT UP!" Swing.

Dodge. "Nah, I don't think I will. So how close were you two? I'm judging that you were pretty close by the way you get all defensive."

"Shut **UP**!"

Nakada didn't notice, but Hiei did, that Shadow was luring him nearer and nearer to the road. She continued flinging insults - and let me tell you, they got quite creative - as she dodged back more and more.

Finally, she reached the road, putting Nakada right in the middle of one lane. And, right on time, there came a semi.

"Bye bye," Shadow said sweetly, waving. Nakada froze. Then... splat.

Actually, it was more like THUD! 'Cause the semi was slowing down by the time it hit him. However, it was enough to kill him. Terrible thing, that. I feel like a criminal now. XD

The semi stopped and Shadow trotted around to the driver's seat, looking up. The door opened and hit her, and she fell over. Hiei strolled up just as none other than Random Surfer Dude himself got out of the driver's seat.

"RSD," he stated.

"Hey man!" he said, hugging Hiei. Hiei blinked, wide-eyed.

"Uh, yeah. Hey."

"**RSD!**" Shadow squealed, jumping up from the ground and flinging her arms around him and Hiei both.

Eclipse popped up out of nowhere and flung her arms around all three, squealing, "**_RSD!_**" through a mouthful of Subway sandwich.

"Hey," RSD said casually. "I kinda think I like, might have run over something, dude and dudettes."

"You did," Shadow informed him. "That's a good thing, too. His name was Hiroshi Nakada. He was DEVIL SPAWN!"

"Oh. Sweet."

"You did us a huge favor."

"Awesome."

"I love you."

"You love Hiei, dudette."

"Absolutely true," Shadow said, prying away from the group hug to pet her traumatized boyfriend's hair. "I love Hiei. He's traumatized a bit right now, so he'll be kinda distant for a while."

"Ehh?" he managed. Shadow screeched.

"He lives!"

"Man! I gotta go!" Eclipse said. "I left my sandwich with Kurama-koi!" Poof. Shadow squealed again.

"DID YOU HEAR WHAT SHE CALLED HIM?"

"Yah, man," RSD said. "That's sweet."

"I know!" Shadow squealed. "I was SO right to harass them about getting together."

"Except that Karasu's a total wreck, but nobody cares about him, right?" Hiei added. "Right."

Shadow squealed yet AGAIN. "HIEI! You're out of your traumatized state!"

"Yeah..."

"Awesome," RSD said. "Well, dudette, I have to go."

"Sweet," Shadow said. She hugged him again, then watched as he got in his semi and drove off with Nakada plastered to the front. The second nobody was looking, RSD and his semi totally vanished.

"Well that was convenient," she noted. Hiei nodded.

"You arranged that, didn't you?"

"No! I swear I didn't, Hiei. Some things really ARE up to the authoress and not us."

"Uh-huh..." He strolled away with his hands in his pockets. Shadow followed. The second she caught up, an airplane came spiralling out of the sky and exploded on the place she'd just been standing.

"No way you didn't arrange that one," Hiei said, watching the screaming corpse of the pilot struggle to get out of the plane alive.

"No, that was totally the authoress. And I totally commend her for it," Shadow said, a sadistic hint in her eye. "**BURN, baby, BURN!**"

"You're drawing civilian attention," Hiei noted. "Come along, koishii. We can watch R-rated movies in which people scream and bleed. You can watch the episodes of Yu Yu Hakusho where Kurama gets the shit beat out of him by Karasu and screams in agony."

Shadow looked at him, a malicious glint in her eye. "Really? You'll actually LET me watch it?"

"Yes."

"Normally you forbid it."

"Go watch Yu Yu Hakusho," Hiei said, shoving her in the direction of home.

"Yes!" She cheered and danced to the parking lot, jumped on her motorcycle, and sped home, grabbing Hiei's wrist as she passed him and swinging him onto the bike behind her.

* * *

**Yay. One chapter left.**

Guess what? **I GET TO SEE CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY ON FRIDAY!** Everybody do a dance! DANCE, DAMMIT! XD And Johnny Depp is on Jay Leno tonight. I know, most of you don't care. And people are gonna come along and read this story in a few months and be like, "...What the fuck..." I bet that movie will give me nightmares. It's just so... happy-looking. I'll have nightmares about it. Believe me.


	32. Shousetsu no Jikan ga Owari desu yo

**(7-18-05) Yay, 1031 reviews! I reached my goal! Thank you everyone.**

This chapter isover **12,500** words long. Wowies! Incidentally, I saw **Charlie and the Chocolate Factory** on the day it opened, and I loved it, and I'm gonna see it again sometime soon... And I saw **War of the Worlds** last night, and there was blood and death and screaming and explosions, as I'd predicted. I liked it muchly.

The chapter title translates to "Story time is over!" ... I just felt like flaunting my Japanese knowledge... Muwaha. XD Sorry.

**WARNING:** Um... If you don't like perverted stuff... You're gonna be skipping most of this chapter. Because that's about 95 percent of it. It's my story. I'll be a perverted lecherous psycho with it if I want to! You can't stop me! I already have my thousand reviews... My nextgoal is WORLD DOMINATION! Muwahaha! But seriously. This chapter is really screwed up, perverted-wise... I know I'll get complaints... Just be thankful I warned you.

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO!  
**Shousetsu no jikan ga owari desu yo.

Finally, the last day of school was upon them. Eclipse and Shadow threatened Hiei, Kurama, Yusuke, and Kuwabara with brutal, gory deaths should they not arrive at Eclipse's house promptly after school.

In school, it was hell. For the teachers, that is. Shadow and Eclipse ran rampant over the halls, throwing things, hugging people, and getting into random fights all day. First period, Eclipse filled a 5 gallon bucket with water in the bathroom and poured it in the hall, and Shadow sprayed liquid soap all over the floor. They went skating. Everyone else fell on their asses and screamed in horror as the two girls skated circles around them. It took Kurama almost falling on his ass to stop them. They didn't clean it up, though; they just escorted the fox off the floor and sat obediently in their class for the remainder of that period (about five minutes).

Second period, Tayama was glaring daggers at them, having heard about their activities the previous period. He had the gall to make the class do bookwork. Shadow found a way to piss him off even though she was obediently doing work. After all, pissing people off is her specialty.

"Anus," she said randomly. A few people glanced at her, including Tayama. Once he'd looked down, after scanning a death glare across the entire room...

"Anus."

A few people giggled. Tayama shut them up with a death glare, then scanned across the room again. He wasn't entirely sure who was doing it, but he had a 99.9 percent chance of being right, should he make a random guess. When he looked down...

"Anus."

More people laughed, and everyone was looking around now. Shadow kept her eyes on her book, scribbling, "Anus, anus, my anus is bleeding!" and writing a song to go with it... instead of doing science things like she was supposed to...

"Whoever is doing that had better stop," Tayama snarled. He looked down again, then snapped his eyes up at the exact second Shadow _didn't_ say anus again. He glared for a few more minutes, and everyone continued working. Shadow finished her 'Ode to the Anus' song and began writing the 'Ode to a Gay-Ass Science Teacher' on the back of her paper. Tayama looked down, satisfied the jerk had stopped...

"Anus!"

"JAGANSHI!"

"Yes sir?" she said, totally innocent.

"Knock it off. I'm warning you."

"What? That wasn't me, sir. You know I would never be an anus to you on the last day of school."

Eclipse cracked up.

"Boy, if that's not a lie, I don't know what is!" she laughed. Shadow jumped on her and punched her lights out. Kurama ignored them.

"JAGANSHI!"

"Yes ma'am? I mean sir!"

"You have detention!"

"You can't give me detention, you fat gay-ass whore!"

Shadow spent the rest of second period in the office, making good-luck origami cranes and praying forgiveness from the lord of obsenties in hell (incidentally, he forgave her and doted upon her the privelige of the usage of the word 'fuck' in fourth period literature class).

Shadow took advantage of her new privelige in literature class.

"...and I hope you have a good summer," Sato was saying, when suddenly, from the crowd...

"Fuck."

She gasped. "Who said that?"

A few people who shared Shadow's second period started giggling.

"Fuck," answered, and Sato looked horrified.

"Stop it right now!"

Shadow jumped up and threw an eraser at her, then ran out of the room laughing maniacally. Eclipse stared at the door, then casually remarked, "_...Fuck!_" Everyone cracked up laughing. Even Kurama laughed a bit. Sato didn't.

Eclipse spent the remainder of fourth period in the office, juggling balls of wrinkled up good-luck cranes and totally ignoring the lord of obseneties in favor of doing somersaults and cartwheels in the hall outside the office.

In Health, Shadow taught a total X-Rated lesson on sex, and Etsuko-sensei almost orgasmed with so much happiness that Shadow was so educated.

Then came gym class. Shadow dragged Hiei aside while Eclipse jumped a pink jump-rope like a little child and told him all about her lesson the previous period. He stared, wide-eyed and slack-jawed.

"How do you know all this?"

"Educational mentors in Makai," she said.

"Are you sure you're still a virgin?"

"Fairly."

"Fairly!"

"One hundred percent virgin, Hiei. Well... My hands and my mouth aren't... The rest of me is."

"That's nice, koi. Didn't you have an early dismissal today?"

Shadow's jaw dropped. "OH MY GOD!" She spun and took off running, grabbing Eclipse by her shirt collar on the way. The girl flew behind her friend like a rag doll, flapping around in the wind with a stupid smile like it was the most fun she'd ever had.

"Weeee!"

"Shut up, stupid! We have to get to your house and get _ready!_"

Hiei and Kurama raised eyebrows at that. Then the gym doors slammed shut and they were GONE. Doom, doom, doom.

The two psychos walked home, stopping at the store for some supplies for their after-school party. Then they went to Eclipse's house, where her parents were not, and ate sandwiches (yay sandwiches!). Afterwards, they changed their clothes in preparation for their party and went back behind the house to 'get ready' for their visitors.

By the time they'd done all this, school was out, and Kurama had packed Hiei, Yusuke, and Kuwabara into his car. They ended up getting stuck behind the elementary school bus on the way to Eclipse's house, and so arrived at approximately the same time as Keiji, Eclipse's stupid little brother, and about ten of his friends. Kurama had barely pulled into the driveway before twenty thousand little hands were all over his car. He nearly had a heart attack. However, fearless Hiei put down his window, jumped out, and started doing crowd control with his sword sheath, whacking little kids upside the head and sending them flying out of the way long enough for Kurama to pull the car into the garage and shut the door. Though, the second that happened, and the shiny car was out of their sights, the little kids all jumped on Hiei.

"HOLY SHIT!" he screamed. The little kids all backed off and formed a giggling circle around him.

"You cussed," Keiji informed him. "You stupid bastard."

Hiei had barely opened his mouth when a blur shot by and all the little kids fell over and ended up twitching on the ground. Kurama stepped out of the garage at that precise moment and his jaw dropped.

"Hiei, you weren't supposed to KILL them!"

"I didn't do it!" Hiei snapped indignantly. "It was one of those psycho girls."

"Uh-huh... and where are they now?"

Hiei shrugged. Yusuke glanced around. "Where _are_ they?"

"Probably in the deepest pits of hell," Hiei said casually. Kurama sighed.

"I'm gonna check the house. That's a logical location, isn't it?"

"Excellent thought, Sherlock," Yusuke complimented. Kurama rolled his eyes and went inside, the other three on his tail. All the little kids got up and followed a second later, so it was like follow the leader. And it really was. The second Kurama stopped, the others all stopped. The second Kurama started walking again, so did everyone else. Noticing this, he briefly wondered if he started dancing if everyone else would as well... but he was too dignified to burst into random song and dance. Unlike a certain couple girls, who were apparently not in the house.

"They're not in here," he concluded once they'd looked in every room.

"No shit, Sherlock," Hiei muttered. All the little kids were looking at Kurama expectantly. He stared back at them for a moment. Then he walked back to stand next to Hiei, whom all the little kids were behind, and bent down to their level to look Keiji in the eyes. They all stared for a few moments, while Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Hiei stared at Kurama like he was nuts. Then, suddenly, the redhead snapped, "**WHAT?**"

All the little kids screamed and ran away. The fox straightened, smirking. Hiei and the others looked at him like he was nuts.

"What?" he asked innocently. "I deal with this kid all the time."

"Oh really?" Hiei taunted. "I never knew that. I thought Eclipse always went to your house."

"Wait, what?" Yusuke asked, suddenly curious. "What's going on between him and Eclipse? Are you two dating now like psycho and midget here?"

Hiei cracked Yusuke over the head with his sword sheath.

"Ow! Jesus! Sorry! God, you're not a midget, okay? You're a... short... handsome guy..."

"Thank you."

"Jerk," Yusuke added under his breath.

"I heard that, dickhead."

"Thanks, stupid."

"Children!" Kurama snapped. "Act like you have half a brain, would you?"

"But he doesn't," Hiei said.

"Then don't sink to his level."

"I'll sink to whatever level I want," the fire demon retorted. "I already act like a fuckin' ningen half the time."

All the little kids peered around the corner. "You mean you're not human?"

"FUCK OFF, TODDLER-BABIES!" Hiei shouted. The little kids giggled.

"Are you gay?"

Boom.

Hiei started to lunge at them, only to find himself slammed into the floor with Kurama on top of him.

"Jesus, fox! Get the hell off me!"

"You can sink to Yusuke's level, you can sink to human levels, but you _can't_ sink to the level of a bunch of 11-year-old boys with mental issues!"

"Look at them! They're both gay!" the little boys squealed. "EWWWWW!"

Hiei squirmed under Kurama. "Get off me! Let me kill them!"

"Hiei!" the fox snapped, pinning the fire demon's hands to the floor. "I'm sure this does look very wrong--"

"It does," Yusuke agreed, snickering. "Good thing those girls aren't here or they'd think you two were cheating on them. With each other."

Kurama got up, glaring daggers. "Dickhead."

"What was that about not sinking to his level?" Hiei asked under his breath, standing up and brushing himself off.

"Shut up, Hiei."

The fire demon rolled his eyes but didn't say anything else.

"Guys, I'm hungry," Yusuke said. "I didn't eat lunch at school."

"Your loss," Hiei said plainly.

"Shut up, short-stuff!"

Hiei snarled.

"Just cuz your girlfriend won't screw you doesn't mean you have to be pissy with me!" Yusuke added.

"AWW! YOU CUSSED!" Keiji yelled. "FUCKHEAD!"

Yusuke started stalking towards the kid. "I'll tell you what you little weiner-monkey--"

"_Yusuke_," Hiei and Kurama warned in unison.

"CHARGE!" Keiji yelled. Yusuke found himself buried under ten or eleven little kids.

"KURAMA! HELP!"

"Did you hear something, Hiei?" Kurama asked, leaning on the wall next to his friend.

"Nope. You?"

"Nope."

Kuwabara started trying to pry the little kids off Yusuke, to no avail, when suddenly from outside...

"WOW! Look at it! Watch it get erect!"

Just like that, there was silence.

"Holy shit! That's awesome!"

Everyone glanced at each other with widened eyes. Yusuke took advantage of the little boys' distraction to get up and get them all off of him.

"And this is like a pink condom!"

"Sweet-ass!"

Hiei stared at Kurama. Kurama stared at Hiei. Yusuke stared at both of them. Kuwabara was too horrified to stare at anything.

"Hiei...?" Yusuke muttered.

"I know. That's them," he said.

"What're they doing?"

"I haven't a clue. I don't want to know."

"HEY! Get that out of there! Shadow! Get it out of my pants!" Eclipse's voice screamed.

"You know you like it!"

Hiei's jaw dropped. Kurama's already had.

"Are your nipples hard?" came Shadow's voice. "'Cause mine are!"

"Jesus, Shadow! You're getting me wet!"

"Okay," Kurama said shakily. "That can't be what it sounds like."

"With them," Hiei said, "I wouldn't doubt it's exactly what it sounds like."

"_Hiei!_" Yusuke cried. "Your girlfriend is a _lesbian?_"

"LESBIANS ARE AWESOME!" Keiji screamed. Hiei hauled off and punched him.

Outside, Shadow and Eclipse looked at each other and cracked up laughing. Inside, everyone stared towards the back of the house and slowly edged away.

"You look sexy," Eclipse said.

"You anus! Turn it on, it's getting limp!"

"Oh, shit! Sorry!"

"Let's see how much I can put into my mouth!"

Hiei made a strangled noise. Kuwabara passed out.

"Wow, Shadow! That's a lot!"

"Okay, _fuck this!_" Kurama snapped. He started towards the front door.

"AAUUUUUUUGHHHH! YOU POPPED MY CHERRY!"

Kurama fell down the stairs. Hiei bit his lip, wide eyed.

"I didn't mean to!"

"You put too much in!"

Hiei squeezed his eyes shut tightly and bit his lip until it bled. Yusuke had some drool running out of his mouth at the images in his mind. All the eleven-year-olds were giggling like little girls (which, for all anyone else knew, they were).

Kurama managed to drag himself to his feet. There was silence from outside. Hiei hesitantly opened his eyes and made his way down the stairs. He stopped next to Kurama.

"Are you going outside?"

"Let's wait a minute..."

"Good idea."

They stared at the door for a few minutes, then Kurama looked at Hiei. "Your lip is bleeding."

"Whatever. Let's go."

Yusuke came trotting down the stairs and they grabbed him, pushing him in front of them out the door. All the little eleven-year-olds came swarming like psychos down the stairs and managed to cram themselves through the door. They stampeded around the back of the house the opposite way Kurama and the other two were going.

"Guys, why are you pushing me in front?" Yusuke asked.

"Safety," the other two answered in unison.

"Oh, come on! If your girlfriends are being lesbians together back here, do you really want me to see it?"

They paused. Suddenly, ten or eleven little boy voices screamed.

"**HOLY CRAP!**"

There was a shriek from Shadow and Eclipse.

"GET AWAY! YOU CAN'T SEE US!"

The little boys then were all screaming in sporadic intervals, sounding kind of like they were running all around like maniacs. Hiei and Kurama glanced at each other, then shoved Yusuke aside and stalked around the back of the house. The teen fell on his ass, but they ignored him.

"What the he-- HOLY SHIT!" Both the demons found themselves being sprayed full-force with freezing cold water from a garden hose. Despite suddeny being totally drenched, they were both totally relieved. The girls were both clothed, and sitting all around them were five-gallon buckets full of... water balloons.

"Oh! Hiei! Koishii, I'm so sorry!" Shadow squealed, throwing the hose aside so it hit Eclipse in the head and running to Hiei. She threw her arms around him and kissed him.

Yusuke stared. "What I would give for a skantily clad soaking wet girl to jump on me and kiss me like that..." He sighed.

Both Shadow and Eclipse were soaked from head to toe, wearing skimpy thin white shorty shorts and a thin white spaghetti strap belly shirt, no shoes.

"That's hot," Kurama stated plainly. Eclipse turned off the hose after drenching her little brother a bit more, then went running to Kurama and kissed him in the same manner. Yusuke sighed and sulked away.

"Why's your lip bleeding?" Shadow asked, glancing at Hiei's still-bleeding lip.

"I bit it when you two were screaming about popping cherries."

"Awwww," she muttered, licking the blood away then walking towards the buckets of water balloons. She picked one up and brought it back. "Look. We drew fruits on them. So, it's a cherry."

Hiei sighed and laid down on the grass. "We thought you were having lesbian sex back here or something."

Shadow got an indignant look on her face. "You are a typical man!" She broke the water balloon over his face.

"Ow! Jesus, Shadow, that's cold!"

"Ever had a water balloon fight?"

"No," he said as he sat up and wiped off his face. Shadow straddled his lap and kissed him again.

"Well, more or less, the point is to have fun and get people wet. And _not_ in the perverted sense, though if I were wet in that sense right now you wouldn't be able to tell cuz Eclipse soaked me with the hose."

"Okay..."

"You just fling balloons at people and whoever gets wettest loses."

"If we go by those rules, you already lost," Kurama pointed out.

"Shut up, anus! We're not playing by those rules."

"Then what rules are we playing by?"

"There's six of us, and ten little boys. Goal: hurt the little boys with water balloons," Eclipse told them.

"We can do that," Hiei said, grinning.

"That's not very nice," Kurama reprimanded.

"They think you're gay, Kurama! Be _angry!_ Be a _man!_" Hiei snapped.

"Like you have any room to talk, there, shorty!" Kurama retorted.

"Short guys are guys just the same!" Shadow snapped. "Hiei is a sexy hunk of man! He's _my_ sexy hunk of man!"

"Thanks, Shadow," Hiei said sarcastically.

"Welcome. Can we get this show on the road now?"

"We weren't really coming prepared for a water balloon fight," Kurama pointed out. Eclipse shrugged.

"We'll have a campfire tonight and you guys can dry off and warm up. We'll be flinging balloons at each other for hours."

"Sounds exciting," Hiei muttered sarcastically. Shadow grabbed his face.

"Hiei! **Look at me!** Of course it's exciting!"

He looked at her. "Oh yeah."

"Stupid," she muttered under her breath.

"I heard that."

"But you know it's true."

"Is not."

Eclipse snuck over to the water balloon treasury and grabbed a few, winging them at the fire demons. Shadow let out a shriek as freezing cold water burst all over her back. Hiei winced at the high-pitched sound.

"Okay, this is war!" Shadow snapped, lunging off Hiei and running to the buckets. She grabbed two balloons and shoved them down her shirt, then grabbed a couple more and tore after Eclipse, who was unarmed.

"I thought the point was to hurt the little kids," Kurama said.

"I don't care what the point was," Hiei replied plainly, his eyes glued to his girlfriend.

"And I thought _Yusuke_ was a pervert," Kurama taunted when he noticed.

"I'm allowed. She's my girlfriend," Hiei snapped. He got up and went to the buckets, picking up a few balloons and walking back to Kurama. He stood there staring down at his friend for a minute before extending his arm and popping a balloon right over Kurama's head.

"Ow! You stupid!"

Yusuke darted off to get Kuwabara while Kurama got up and dodged a balloon flung at him by Hiei and ran for the ammo buckets. All the little kids got in the spirit and loaded up on balloons, flinging them at each other but mainly focusing on Kurama (most of them knew him from all the times he'd been at Eclipse's house... and they wanted to victimize him because he was Eclipse's boyfriend). They regretted that, because Eclipse took to fiercely defending him, and most of them ended up with welts.

Yusuke came running around the side of the house, snagged a few balloons, and went berserk on Hiei.

"Holy shit! Why are you targetting me!"

"Because you need it! Stop gaping at Shadow's practically naked body!"

"Shadow's clear on the other side of the house! I can't see her! Retard!"

"Well then it's just cuz you beat me at paintball!"

"Oh! Oh, so that's what we're turning this into now, huh?" They stared at each other for a second, then both simultaneously made a mad dash for the balloon buckets. Hiei got there first and went for one of the full buckets. The two both started a rapid-fire balloon assault on each other, while Shadow ran around like a maniac trying to shake five little kids off her tail and Eclipse defended Kurama from the other little kids. Kuwabara was watching from a safe distance when Shadow snatched a balloon from Yusuke's bucket and hurled it at the human. It smacked him straight in the face and exploded, soaking him. He shrieked in horror.

"Join the fun, anus!" Shadow commanded. "Catch!" She tossed him a couple balloons, intending for him to catch them and throw them at somebody, but they hit him in the chest and exploded. He ran for the buckets to get revenge on Shadow.

Yusuke and Hiei's war was going no where. Both were drenched and covered in red marks, but neither was about to give up. They each had one balloon left. One shot. Somehow, Shadow knew this and snuck up behind Hiei and began dancing to distract Yusuke. It worked, and Hiei launched his last balloon right into the boy's nuts.

"OWWWWWWW!"

Shadow jumped on Hiei from behind and kissed his neck, wrapping her legs around his waist. Eclipse ran by just then, picked up the bucket, which was half-full with water, and dumped it over them.

"HOLY SHIT THAT'S COLD!" Shadow screeched. Hiei winced again at the high-pitched shriek.

"Are you trying to make me go deaf!"

"Sorry koishii." She jumped away and darted after her friend, waving around a few pink balloons. "GET BACK HERE, ANUS!"

This, of course, left Yusuke twitching on the ground, Kuwabara being chased by little children, Kurama cornered by little children, and Hiei standing there soaked and shivering while Shadow and Eclipse chased each other in circles around the house. They actually had no idea who was chasing who after a bit, because it ended up more like they were just running circles around the house waving balloons and screaming for no reason. Finally, Eclipse just lunged onto the trellace conveniently placed under her bedroom window. She climbed up it like a monkey and went into her room, grabbing a few CDs and popping them in the stereo. She placed a speaker in each of her windows and hit play, then lunged out the window and bodyslammed Shadow as she ran by again. Hiei stared with raised eyebrows, temporarily distracted, and was suddenly pinned in the ass with a balloon.

"Fuck!" he yelped, and spun to face Yusuke.

"My balls still hurt, you asshole!"

"I won, then."

"Shut up!"

Yusuke lunged at Hiei and they started into a full-fledged fistfight, jumping all over the place punching each other. Shadow and Eclipse, who were wrestling around in the mud while screamy headbanger music played, stopped when they noticed this.

"That won't do," Eclipse sighed. "That just won't do."

"What do you propose?"

An evil grin passed over the blue-eyed girl's face. "Well..." She began whispering her plan in Shadow's ear (while both were still wet, soaked in mud, and lying tangled together on the ground... yes... sick, no?). Keiji noticed them and shrieked.

"MY SISTER'S A LESBIAN AND HER BOYFRIEND IS GAY!"

Kurama hurled a water balloon at the kid and hit him right in the back of the head, knocking him face-first into a giant mud puddle.

"Agreed?" Eclipse asked Shadow.

"Agreed. Now get your boobies off me."

Eclipse scurried up the trellace again, switched CDs, and sought out a certain perfect song for her plan, then jumped back out the window. Shadow was in position, Yusuke and Hiei were snarling and wrestling around on the ground like a couple teenagers, and Kurama and Kuwabara were back to back and surrounded with predatory eleven-year-olds armed with balloons. The song started playing and Eclipse sprayed water up in the air, arching it so just a fine mist came down over Shadow as she danced... suggestively.

Kurama was the first to notice and his eyes widened about three times their natural size as his Youko half started squirming and writhing and pleading with him to do a certain thing...

Kuwabara noticed Kurama's sudden lapse of attention and followed his gaze. His jaw dropped and he looked away. How inappropriate and un-gentlemanly for him to stare. At someone else's girlfriend, no less.

Then Hiei noticed, and Yusuke got in about three good punches before he noticed the fire demon was no longer fighting back, nor paying the least bit of attention to him. He followed the fire demon's eyes and his jaw dropped.

Shadow was an excellent dancer. Hiei knew this already from a few... demonstrations she'd given him. But this, in his opinion, should be illegal. His girlfriend was dancing practically naked under a gentle spray of water in such a way that he was willing to bet the most gayest of gay guys would want to screw her. That was so not even fair. He let out a little whimpery moan and stared, taking in every contour of her body as she moved as fluidly as the water itself.

When the song was over, Eclipse turned off the hose and Hiei groaned and flopped back on the grass with his eyes closed. He abruptly became aware of a weight on his hips and looked down. Yusuke was still sitting on him.

"OH! Get off me you sick freak!" he cried, pushing the dazed boy away and getting up. He went straight to Shadow and grabbed her hand, dragging her out of everyone else's line of sight.

"That worked exquisitely well," Eclipse said cheerfully. She glanced at her boyfriend and found him just about as dazed as Yusuke was. "This won't do." She stalked over to him and slapped him across the face, causing him to yelp loudly.

"Ow! Oh, God, Eclipse! I wasn't gaping."

"Yes you were," she said, pulling him to his feet and pushing a few strands of soaking wet hair off his face. "How much do you want to bet Hiei's over there fucking her right now?"

The equivalent of a stampede occured around them as all the little children ran to find Hiei and Shadow. They ran all the way around the house, and could not find them. Rounding the corner to the back of the house, all the little children stopped dead... and screamed. Eclipse and Kurama were kissing, RIGHT THERE IN THE OPEN!

"He really **IS** your boyfriend!" Keiji screamed. Eclipse pulled back and glared at her stupid little brother.

"Yes! Now go screw a cow!"

"I'M TELLING MOM!"

"MOM'S NOT HERE! And she wouldn't care anyways. It's not like he's a drug-addict or anything."

"But he's GAY!"

Kurama sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, sure, I'm gay, all the time, with Hiei," he said sarcastically.

Shadow's face appeared off the edge of the roof. "What about Hiei?"

"ECLIPSE'S BOYFRIEND SCREWED HIM!" Keiji screamed. Shadow spun around and looked at Hiei, who had wide eyes.

"He did not," the fire demon denied. Shadow pulled a shingle off the roof and chucked it at Keiji, hitting him in the forehead.

"**HE DID NOT! STOP LYING! LIARS BURN IN HELL!**"

"YOU CUSSED!" a little kid screamed.

"**I DID NOT, YOU DUMB LITTLE BASTARD!**"

"Shadow," Hiei said. She looked at him. "You just did."

"I did?" She paused thoughtfully. "Oh yeah! I did! Ha ha ha, imagine that!" Then she jumped on him and kissed him.

"What are you two doing up there!" Eclipse called. "I don't want you fucking on my roof!"

"Okay!" Shadow called down.

"Get down here!" Kurama ordered. Shadow jumped off the roof and slammed into him, knocking him onto his back in the mud. Eclipse screamed.

"You evil lady!"

"I'm holding your boyfriend hostage! Go get me something to drink!"

"I can't go inside like this! I'm covered in mud!"

"So? So am I." She looked around. Kuwabara wasn't muddy. "KUWABARA!"

"What?" he yelped, turning.

"Go inside and get us all something to drink!" Eclipse ordered.

"Why me?"

"Cuz you're not muddy! And we don't trust those little brats not to spit in it."

The boy sulked away. Hiei dropped down from the roof and landed in the mud, splashing it all over everyone. Eclipse screamed when she noticed Shadow was still sitting on Kurama.

"HIEI GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND OFF MY BOYFRIEND!"

"Shadow, get off the fox."

"Why?"

"I told you to."

"Well aren't you just high and mighty!"

"Yes I am. Get off him."

Shadow frowned, then got up and started towards Hiei, then made a mad dash at the little children who'd drawn closer as they'd talked. All the little boys screamed and ran.

Yusuke, meanwhile, was still lying where he'd landed when Hiei had shoved him away.

Finally, Kuwabara came back out with their drinks and Shadow snatched hers from him, glaring.

"'Bout time, slow poke! See if anyone ever hires _you_ as a butler!"

"I don't _wanna_ be a butler!"

"Shut up! _Everyone_ wants to be a butler! Even _Hiei!_"

"I do not," Hiei snapped.

"Shut up," Shadow retorted. Hiei frowned.

"Fine. See if I ever talk to you again."

"Hiei I'm so sorry, I didn't mean anything I said!" she cried, chasing after him as he walked away.

"Awww!" ten little kids chorused. "You're in trouble!"

As Hiei passed the buckets of water balloons, he snatched one and hurled it at the kids. They scattered. However, he pinned Keiji right in the back. Shadow let out a whoop.

"You go!" she cheered.

Hiei took the drink Shadow handed him and sat down in the mud. He didn't see the point in attempting to keep his clothes even slightly clean now. He was drenched from head to toe, with mud splattered all over him. Shadow plopped down next to him and he glanced at her and snickered. Her practically see-through clothes were also splattered with mud, and she had smears all over her skin.

"What?" she snapped, noticing him staring.

"You look nice," he told her, smirking.

"Why thank you, Hiei," she replied, kissing his muddy cheek. "So do you, of course."

Eclipse coughed from a little ways away, and it sounded oddly like "Sap!"

Shadow flung a handful of mud at her, and hit Kuwabara instead. He screamed like a girl.

"That wasn't very nice!" he whined. She flung another handful for good measure. This one he dodged, but it continued on and hit Keiji. Shadow whooped. "Bonus!"

Eclipse looked in all the buckets that had held their water balloons. "Okay, we're down to about two hundred balloons!"

"How many did we have to start with?" Kurama asked.

"A lot more than two hundred!" Shadow supplied cheerfully. "Like, a thousand?"

"You guys filled up a thousand balloons?"

"Yeah, we had a lot of time."

Kurama shook his head. "You're nuts."

"You're the one dating Eclipse! Don't talk to me about nuts," Shadow snapped.

"She's got a point there, fox," Hiei said.

"I'm not nuts," Eclipse said. "I'm a real sweetheart..." She pushed a few strands of Kurama's wet hair behind his ear, leaving muddy streaks on his face from her fingers. Leaning up, she kissed his lips gently.

"I think she has multiple personalities," Kurama said.

"Don't you think you should avoid a relationship with a person like that?" Hiei asked.

"It's complicated," the fox said.

"I'd ditch her."

"You're just trying to break us up because you want Kurama all for yourself," Eclipse accused. Hiei snorted.

"If you say so."

"So it's TRUE!"

All the little kids pointed. "YOU'RE GAY TOO!"

"Of course," Hiei replied sarcastically. "Me and Kurama are just so gay. We're gay all the time. We have our own gay cult. We get together weekly and have gay orgies. We're so gay... we're just the pinnacle of your definition of gay."

"Do you wear pink?"

"Yup," Hiei answered, nodding.

"Do you wear leather?"

"Oh yes," Kurama added, walking over to sit next to Hiei in the mud.

"Do you wear makeup?"

"All the time."

"Do you like to screw guys?"

All the teens got identical 'Is this kid retarded?' looks on their faces. Kurama nodded.

"Yes, Takeji, we screw guys," he said patiently.

"Have you ever screwed Hiei?"

"I thought we went through this already?" Hiei asked. Kurama nodded again.

"We did."

"Hey!" the kid screamed. "Have you!"

"Yes. All the time. And I scream like a well-trained whore through the whole process," Hiei retorted dryly.

"Hey!" Shadow said suddenly. "You two kiss!"

"WHAT?" two voices cried in unison, and instantly Hiei and Kurama were about fifty feet apart, looking at each other as if the other were a disease.

"I don't think so," Hiei said. Shadow got behind him and began pushing him towards Kurama.

"Come on!" she pleaded quietly. "Just to scare off the little kids!"

"It wouldn't scare them!"

"Yes it would!"

"They WANT to see stuff like that!"

"Not GUYS! They WANT to see you and me or Eclipse and Kurama, y'know? Actually, they don't want to see any of it, cuz they're at that age where 'kissing is GROSS!'"

"But--"

"Please?"

"No!"

"For me?"

"No."

"Hiei..."

"Shadow..."

"Please? You don't have to _like_ it."

"I don't want to at all!"

By now, Hiei and Kurama were about two feet apart, as Eclipse had been pushing her boyfriend towards Shadow's and purring most of the same pleas into his ear as well.

"I'll give you something you'll really like afterwards," Shadow whispered. "I promise."

"I don't want to," Hiei whined. "I shouldn't have to do this!"

"I know!" Eclipse said excitedly, pulling a coin out of her pocket. "Heads says you kiss--with tongue--and tails says you don't kiss at all."

Yusuke came darting over to watch. The coin went up... up... down... Eclipse snatched it out of the air and smacked it down on the back of her hand.

"Kurama, do the honors?" She held out her hand. The others peered at it. Kurama flipped it over and clapped his hands together.

"Wow! Tails! Guess that means I don't have to kiss my best friend who also happens to be of the same gender!"

Eclipse and Shadow glared at him with enough venom to make the most poisonous of creatures shy away in fear. Kurama swallowed nervously.

"Eep?" he squeaked. Eclipse grabbed his shoulders and pushed him down to his knees, making him sit on his feet. Shadow pushed Hiei down so he straddled the fox's lap, and the two girls held them that way until they stopped struggling.

"I figure you should know, I never wanted to do this," Kurama said honestly to Hiei as the two girls positioned their boyfriends' hands.

"Me neither," Hiei replied in an uncharacteristically nervous voice.

"Okay," Shadow said. She knelt behind Hiei and Eclipse knelt behind Kurama. As insurance.

"Go for it," Eclipse said.

**If you don't wanna see this... um... scroll down 'til you see the next bold words! THE ALMIGHTY BOLD WORDS!**

Both demons' bodies were tense. Neither of them wanted to do this. Especially not with approximately fifteen spectators.

Their lips were a hair's breadth apart. Both were breathing a bit heavier from anxiety and tenseness. They were frozen that way. Neither willing to actually... initiate it.

"Are you sure we have to do this?" Kurama asked one last time, his eyes locked with Hiei's.

Shadow and Eclipse simultaneously pushed their boyfriends' mouths together. Hiei whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut, as he and Kurama very tentatively kissed. Both were very aware that Yusuke was taking pictures. In fact, they were trying very hard to concentrate on anything _but_ the sensations caused by their tongues.

Hiei felt Shadow's breath on his neck, her hands on his chest as she tried to make him relax with gentle kisses. Almost afraid it was working, Hiei pulled away from Kurama.

**OKAY! SQUEAMISH PEOPLE WHO'LL COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS IN A REVIEW, YOU CAN KEEP READING NOW!**

"That was disgusting," he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I agree," Kurama muttered. "You're too good of a friend to ever be anything more."

"The feeling is mutual," Hiei said.

"Then why are you still sitting on his lap!" Yusuke asked accusingly.

"Because Shadow's HOLDING ME HERE!" the little demon snarled, nearly making flames erupt around himself (which in effect would burn Kurama, Eclipse, and Yusuke). As it was, the temperature around him spiked drastically. "Give me that damn camera!"

Yusuke snapped one last picture from farther away to show the situation (as in, Kurama and Hiei being held in place by their girlfriends), then laughed. "Wow! I used a whole roll of film on like, fifteen seconds of kissing!"

Hiei jumped up and made to tear after Yusuke, who ran away instantly, but he found himself flat on his face on the ground, Shadow hanging onto his ankle. He rolled over and glared down at her. She crawled up and lay down on him.

"I promised you something for doing that, didn't I?"

Hiei snorted. "And you'd damn well better cough it up."

"I was actually thinking more of sucking it down," she whispered. "If you know what I mean." Hiei's eyes widened.

"You _what?_"

"You'll get your reward later, dear. At home." She kissed him, then got up. "Resume chase."

Hiei was too dazed to just brush off that offer so easily. He'd forgotten all about Yusuke already.

"I bet I'm not getting whatever _he's_ getting," Kurama said to Eclipse, looking at the way Hiei was acting after Shadow's near silent whispers.

"He's probably getting laid," she replied. "And in that case, no, you're not."

"Oh. Lucky him," he muttered distractedly. Shadow was dancing again, breaking water balloons over herself. She totally ruined the mood, however, when one wouldn't break and she went nuts, eventually jumping up and down on it to make sure it popped and stayed popped, dammit.

All the little kids had scattered the second his and Hiei's lips had met. Maybe that horror truly was a blessing in disguise.

_'You know you liked it,'_ Youko purred from the back of his mind.

_'Shut up, you sick bastard. You know I could never be attracted to Hiei.'_

_'I could.'_

_'You're a sick freak. Go away.'_

_'Can't. I'm in your head. Hey, touch Eclipse's ass, will you?'_

_'No!'_

_'You know you wanna. It's not like you've never done it before.'_

_'Shut up, Youko. Go back to sleep.'_

_'I can't. There's too many sexual vibes all around right now. Just look at Hiei. Shadow must have promised him something good.'_

The fire demon was finally standing up. He went straight to Shadow and dragged her aside to talk to her.

_'Oh. He seems... upset. I bet she's trying to seduce him again,'_ Youko chuckled. _'That girl has so many hormones... I'm willing to satisfy her... Why won't Hiei?'_

_'Does it MATTER? It's their relationship, not yours.'_

_'Oh, Shuuichi... You're such a spoilsport. I bet Hiei's so skittish about having sex because he's afraid of hurting Shadow. Can you believe he's gone a year without sex?'_

_'How do _you_ know that?'_

_'Kitsune's intuition. I can tell.'_

_'You are a freak.'_

He heard the silver thief give an indignant pout. _'I resent that.'_

_'Whatever.'_

_'As I was saying...'_

_'Hiei doesn't want to have sex with Shadow because he's really a very tender, innocent, scared person inside, and now that he's finally found someone he truly loves, he's afraid to take the final step to seal their relationship because what if something happens to him, or to her, or to them? He's a loner by nature and to have somebody so close to his heart to protect scares him.'_

There was silence from Youko. _'How do _you_ know that?'_

_'I'm the one with the emotions, fox. I know them when I see them. And I know Hiei.'_

_'I think you made it up.'_

Kurama rolled his eyes. _'You would. Just because my reason isn't the same as yours.'_

But Youko had closed their conversation, and refused to say another word.

"You done?" Eclipse asked, looking impatient.

"Huh?" he replied intelligently.

"Talking to Youko."

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry."

"Awesome." She leaned up and kissed him.

Shadow, meanwhile, was back to being hyper. Hiei wasn't.

"Shadow, would you listen to me?"

She grabbed Hiei's shoulders. "You wanna be with me, right?"

Startled by the question, he hesitated, then nodded. "Of course I do!"

"Then stop being so... so... _guarded._ Loosen up! We're gonna have to do this stuff sooner or later, right?" She pressed herself against him. "I happen to prefer sooner. And I know you do too."

Hiei said nothing. Shadow petted him on the head.

"I thought so. Now, if you have anymore complaints, take them up with me later. Right now, I wanna have _FUN!_"

She kissed him quickly, then ran off the the buckets of water balloons. She hurled a few at Kurama and Eclipse, laughing maniacally. The couple, who were kissing, broke apart, nearly screaming. Eclipse lunged to her feet and tore after Shadow. With all the little kids out of the way, it was a lot easier to have fun.

And, thank the lord, Eclipse's parents came home shortly and all the excess children had to go home. There was a very near disaster, however, when Eclipse's father started coming around the back of the house. Seeing the imminent danger, Kurama whipped off his school uniform jacket and wrapped it around Eclipse. Shadow flitted out of sight.

After all, with parents like Eclipse's, the only two girls at the party being in almost no clothes and running around with three hot guys and Kuwabara, wouldn't have sat well.

"Eclipse?" her father called, rounding the corner to the back of the house. Even though it was still light, the campfire had been started so it was good and hot for later (not like they didn't have two people capable of making it good and hot whenever the hell they felt like it). Hiei was sitting there poking it with a stick and sending sparks flying, which, until the imminent threat of parents sighting her, Shadow had been utmostly fascinated with. Kurama had his arm around Eclipse, and Yusuke and Kuwabara were hanging around with cans of pop, talking.

"Yeah?" she asked, looking up at her father. They really looked nothing alike--not surprising, considering he wasn't her real father. He was typical Japanese, dark hair and dark eyes. Eclipse had light brown hair and blue eyes.

Her father smiled at Kurama. "Shuuichi, nice to see you again."

"You too, sir." The white shirt he wore under his uniform jacket was soaked, making his chest pretty visible. He was grateful he'd actually worn a shirt under his jacket today... sometimes he didn't. That wouldn't have gone over well. Well, it would have been better than Eclipse's father seeing her in her state of... almost-undressedness.

"Eclipse, dear, your mother wants to know what your friends want for dinner." Shadow appeared out of nowhere behind the guy and started making funny faces and waving her arms around and dancing, totally silent. Picture Yusuke on the first episode of Yu Yu Hakusho when he was playing with the little kid.

"We're roasting hot dogs and stuff over the fire."

"Oh. Well that's a good idea." Shadow began doing a monkey imitation (sans sound effects). Eclipse snickered. Kurama squeezed her shoulder warningly.

"We're all kind of muddy... So you or Mom will have to bring out the food stuff later," she managed.

"No problem, honey. Is everything alright out here?" Shadow popped up over his right shoulder, mocking him.

"Everything's fine," Kurama assured him, as Eclipse was currently muffling laughter that threatened to kill her, while staring over her dad's shoulder. "Thank you."

"Is something... funny?" He glanced over his shoulder and Shadow dodged out of his sight. He turned a bit, and Shadow stayed at his back. Eclipse started snickering. He spun around completely, and Shadow vanished.

"Nothing, sir," Kurama assured him. Shadow appeared behind Kurama, staying invisible to Eclipse's father, and grabbed his ass. He muffled a yelp. Then she vanished again.

"Eclipse, are you... wearing anything?"

"Of course I am!"

Shadow appeared behind her father, dancing again.

"I was just cold," she continued. "Being drenched in cold water can do that to a person, you know."

"...Okay..."

Again, Shadow was mocking him. Eclipse snickered, and he spun around...

And Shadow was gone. She flitted up to the roof.

"We're alright, dad. I was just thinking of a really funny joke Yusuke told me..." Eclipse lied.

"Oh. Care to let me in on it?"

"It's kind of an inside joke sort of thing... Y'know. You'd'a had to of been there."

"Oh. Okay. Well, tell me when you need your dinner."

"We will."

"And could you turn that music down? It's awfully loud in the house."

"Okay."

He walked away and Shadow reappeared. Eclipse whacked her in the side of the head. "Stupid!"

"You know you love me. Now go turn down your music."

"Shut up." She scurried up the trellace and turned off her stereo.

"I SAID DOWN, NOT OFF!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Your girlfriend is bossy," Shadow muttered to Kurama.

"I know."

"But you love her anyways!" the girl continued sweetly. "Aww!"

"So... what are you giving Hiei for what we did earlier?"

"You mean kissing?" She leaned up and whispered in his ear. And rather than being shocked, he simply said, "You mean you haven't done that before?"

"No."

"I figured you were gonna finally have sex."

"No, he's still avoiding that. But that's okay, because whether he wants to or not, I'm seducing him and we're having sex on New Year's day."

Kurama smiled. "That's an awful long time to wait."

"Well, we've gotta take it slow, to let us both get used to doing this stuff, right? We can't just jump into it totally randomly whenever we feel like it, and figure we'll be okay with it. Y'know. We don't want to be total strangers to each others' bodies and stuff, do we? To make the experience better, I figure we should know each other oh-so-well before we do it. Right?"

"If that's what you believe. Sometimes it's better to be surprised."

"Not if it's a bad surprise."

"Oh, come on. Are you seriously saying you have doubts about Hiei?"

"Waaaaill... He _did_ say he let Mukuro dominate him..."

"Don't start with that. You know you don't want him to be a control freak."

"Nope. Cuz I've got handcuffs!"

"And you plan to use them the second you can, don't you?"

"Well, maybe not the first second I get the chance... Maybe the second second."

"Oh, okay."

Eclipse popped up behind them.

"What're we talking about?"

"My sex life," Shadow said. "I came to consult your boyfriend for advice."

"No you didn't."

"I came to consult your boyfriend for advice," Shadow repeated in the same tone to emphasize that.

"She came to consult me for advice," Kurama conceded. "Even though she didn't, really."

"Now I'm confused."

"Why don't we try to clean ourselves up some, okay?" Kurama suggested. "So we're not all muddy and our clothes don't get crusty when they dry."

"Excellent idea. Come this way, dear." She grabbed his shirt and dragged him over to the hose. Turning it on, she began to hose off all the muck from his pants and hair, while he stood there and shivered.

_'Ooh! You know what this means?'_ Youko piped up from the back of his mind. _'This means that next, you get to hose **her** off!'_

_'Sod off, Youko!'_

_'You're such a bitch, Shuuichi.'_

But he didn't say anything else. He had been right, however. Eclipse handed Kurama the hose after she finished washing him off, and he got to soak her. Youko was having fits in the back of his mind as he watched her clean herself off, but he managed to restrain the perverted kitsune.

"ME NEXT!" Shadow squealed, totally spoiling the moment.

"Shadow...!" Kurama whined.

"I know I totally spoiled the moment. That was the point. We can't have you getting all horny here, can we?"

Kurama made a dissatisfied noise in his throat.

They all finished washing themselves and each other, then gathered around the fire to warm up and dry off. It was getting dark by the time they were comfortable (though everyone else was comfortable far earlier than Yusuke or Kuwabara... purely because those two didn't have anyone to cuddle with, besides each other, and that's just gross).

"I'm hungry," Shadow announced. She stood up and whipped a pair of pants and shoes out of nowhere.

"What are you doing?"

"Going to tell the parents we need the hotdogs and other shit for roasting."

"Can I roast a steak?" Eclipse asked.

"I don't think that'd work."

"But I want a steak."

"We'll have hotdogs, s'mores, and whatever else your parents give me that we can stick on a stick and roast over fire."

"Steak?"

Shadow pulled on the pants over her shorts and put on her boots, then ran around to the front door. She returned a few minutes later with a tray stacked high with roastable foods. Yusuke whooped and grabbed anything he could get his hands on. Impaling a little bit of all of it, he stuck his interesting shishkabob over the fire. Shadow stripped off her pants but kept the boots, then grabbed a hot dog and impaled it over the fire.

She had great fun with her hot dog, and only Hiei and Kurama knew the deeper meaning behind her attempting to shove the whole thing down her throat. Well... deeper meaning... being that she had every intention of giving Hiei a blowjob when they got home. XD But nobody but Hiei, Kurama, and herself knew that for sure.

"Practicing?" Yusuke asked through a mouthful of his own mess of food. His shishkabob had consisted of several kinds of meat, along with marshmallows, which had melted and stuck to the hot dogs and such, so he ended up with marshmallow-covered hot dogs. He ate them and told everyone they tasted great.

Shadow couldn't answer his taunt, because she had successfully gotten the whole hot dog down her throat and almost choked to death when she started laughing at the look Hiei and Kurama gave her.

"Still worried?" she asked Hiei quietly. He shook his head mutely. "Excited?" He nodded. It was only then he realized that he really never quite fathomed, entirely, what Shadow could do to him. He suddenly realized that he'd been too worried before, about her, about them... to think like a demon. She was talented. Almost everything she did showed some sort of talent or ability that could be useful in the bedroom. He'd always brushed it off as her being stupid. So what if she could cram a whole hot dog down her throat and not choke? It was a stupid thing to do in the first place.

But now he realized, he'd been stupid. All her silliness, he'd never used his imagination, really, to think how she could put that to use on him. How freaking good it would feel. But now he realized.

And that realization was a bad one to have while she was sitting on his lap deep-throating a hot dog.

"Oh, hell," he muttered.

"Problems?" Kurama asked quietly while Eclipse sat on his lap and happily munched on a s'more, oblivious to everything but graham crackers, chocolate, and perfectly roasted marshmallows.

"Yeah," he managed, nodding. "I just started thinking like a demon again."

"Uh-oh. Are you gonna jump her?"

Shadow looked at Hiei curiously, the tip of a hot dog sticking out of her mouth.

"Would you get that out of your mouth?" Hiei pleaded. The hot dog slid out so she held only the tip in her mouth, and the rest, glistening with saliva, stuck out of her mouth. She looked at him with puffed out cheeks, a curious, innocent look in her eyes. Though she hadn't been entirely oblivious to the way his body temperature had suddenly increased a few degrees, she didn't really take in what it meant. Until he pulled the hot dog out of her mouth and kissed her.

"Pulling out all the stops, I see," Yusuke noted from beside Kurama as Shadow moved to straddle Hiei. Kuwabara was watching with a look of horror on his face. "They finally gonna screw?"

"Yeah, right here and now if they don't chill out," Eclipse snapped. Kurama jumped. A second ago she had been silently, stupidly eating a smore. Now she was glaring at her best friend like she was a disease.

_'Hot...'_ Youko muttered in the back of Kurama's head. _'So hot.'_

_'Restrain yourself, if you would.'_

_'I don't believe I can. And with you currently... not concentrating on me...'_

Poosh!

Eclipse screeched as Youko appeared right under her. She nearly fell in the fire in her haste to get away.

The fox knew better than to harass his friend when he was in the middle of making out with a nearly naked beautiful girl, but the second they pulled apart, he clapped lightly.

"Very nice. Good job on losing some of the disgusting humanity that's rubbed off on you, Hiei."

The fire demon glanced up, eyes wide. "You!"

"Me," Youko returned, smiling. "You know, a little bit ago, when you were freaking out about Shadow's offer, Shuuichi told me you were... what were his words... 'a very tender, innocent, scared person inside.'"

_'Stupid! Don't tell him that!'_

_'Too late, Shuuichi.'_

"Something about you being afraid to take Shadow because you were worried something would happen to you or her and, y'know, you'd be heartbroken or whatever. I almost bought it. I mean, it was actually believeable, the way you constantly found some lame excuse not to have sex with your own girlfriend."

"That's sweet," Shadow said to Hiei.

"But," Youko continued, ignoring her, "you apparently just decided that lust overpowers love. And you're not scared anymore."

"It's not lust and I'm not scared," Hiei snapped. "I love her. And remind me to whip dear Shuuichi's ass for saying all the crap about me being tender and scared."

"Yeah yeah yeah... But you're a demon, Hiei."

"I know."

"So even if you 'love' her, it's in your nature to appreciate sex, right? That was what you realized. It's in your nature to want to have sex with something like her."

"Some_thing_? Thank you, fox," Shadow muttered. Again, she was ignored.

"You've been blinded all this time by human notions. What if you were hurt? What if you died? Where would that leave her? But then... you realized... if you die having loved this girl and never had sex with her, just because you were worried about dying, then you were pretty stupid. I believe the saying is 'enjoy life while you can,' right? So, by all means! Screw her silly while you have the chance! For all you know, you'll die next week."

Shadow's eyes widened. "_Screw_ New Year's Day! I want sex NOW!"

"GOOD MOVE, YOUKO!" Eclipse snapped.

Yusuke cracked up laughing at the fox's inspirational speech. Kuwabara looked like he was going to melt into the ground and never be seen again (God knows it would improve the world drastically).

"I hate you, Youko," Hiei told him, shaking his head with a weird smile on his face. "But the sad thing is, all that shit was true."

"So are you still going with all that crap about knowing each other first so there wouldn't be surprises, Shadow?"

"What about knowing each other?" she asked, gazing at Hiei. "Surprises are good!"

Eclipse shrieked. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU BRAINWASHED THEM!"

Youko stood, grabbing Eclipse's shoulders. "I've got Shuuichi thinking, too. Maybe he'll jump you tonight once everyone else is gone."

"Yikes!"

Youko swept her off her feet. "I actually do like Shadow better, but you're still rather pretty."

"Why thank y-- HEY! DON'T YOU FLATTER ME!"

He kissed her.

"Damn, man," Yusuke muttered. "This sucks. No, scratch that. If it sucked, I'd be a lot happier."

Eclipse nearly clawed out Youko's eyes so he would let her get breath in her lungs before he continued kissing her passionately, ignoring Kurama's complaining and screaming and jumping up and down in the back of his mind.

Shadow was watching them, amused. "Damn, Kurama's gonna be pissed."

"Eclipse is liking it, though. Look at her," Hiei pointed out, snickering.

"Yeah... The fox is gonna have to vamoose soon, though, cuz her parents said they'd come out to check on us after a bit."

"What!" Eclipse yelped, shoving the fox away. He dropped her and she fell on her ass. "Ow!"

"When I went in to get the hot dogs and stuff, your mother said she might be out in a little bit to see how we were doing. Of course, you and I both know that means 'I'll be out in a little bit to make sure you aren't all making out around the fire, okay dear?'"

"Well..." Youko said, sitting down next to Hiei, "I'll let the little twit out the second I catch wind of them coming."

"You're such a rat," Shadow said.

"Aw, you know I just want to spend some quality time with Hiei here, right?" He put his arms around Hiei's shoulders and leaned close, whispering something in his ear. Hiei glared.

"I don't care!" he snapped.

"Care about what?" Shadow asked curiously.

"He says he's a better kisser than Shuuichi."

"As is to be expected, with several hundred years of experience over him," she pointed out. "I bet Hiei's a better kisser too."

"I doubt it," Eclipse said. "After all... Kurama _is_ Youko... so, I mean... he knows the stuff Youko knows."

"But he's not me," Youko pointed out. "Just being me makes everything better."

Hiei snorted. "You're so full of yourself."

"Aw, you know you love me, Hiei," the fox teased.

"Yeah, when Hell freezes over," the fire demon snapped.

"No, you love me now. Because you're just all full of love, right?"

"Fuck you."

"You want to? Now, why would you offer something like that to me, the annoying kitsune in the back of your best friend's head, and you won't offer it to your own girlfriend?"

"Shut up, Youko."

"But you offered," the fox insisted, nuzzling his cheek against Hiei's and making him cringe. "C'mon, Hiei. Let's go. Shadow can join us if she wants."

Shadow grabbed his ear, got off Hiei's lap, and dragged the fox over to the next nearest person. She dropped him on Yusuke's lap and quickly returned to her boyfriend while Yusuke nearly shoved the fox into the fire in horror.

"I'm treated too well around you people," the fox muttered.

"Hey, well pardon me for not liking having other guys on my lap," Yusuke snapped.

"And pardon me for not wanting to have a threesome with you, you pervert," Shadow growled.

"Fine," he pouted. "I'll kidnap Eclipse and Shuuichi will never see her again."

Short pause.

"Oh well," Shadow said.

"Thank you, Shadow!" Eclipse said. She flung a flaming marshmallow at her. Then another one at Youko. "Gimme my boyfriend back!"

He sighed. "Your mother's coming, anyways. You do know I'm just playing, right?"

"Yes, we know, you're a playful cute innocent little kitsune," Shadow said, "who will be dead in a second if he doesn't return to his human form. Cuz here comes Eclipse's mother."

Grudgingly, the fox returned to his human form and the redhead plopped down next to Eclipse.

"Sorry about that," he muttered.

"Quite alright," Eclipse replied, snatching his school jacket back and wrapping it around herself to make sure her mother didn't see her. Shadow grabbed her discarded black jeans and pulled them on, continuing to sit on Hiei's lap afterwards.

"Eclipse dear?" he mother said.

"Yeyyys?"

"Is everything okay out here?"

"Everything's fine," she said. "Why wouldn't it be?" _We've just got a couple horny fire demons and a 'playful' kitsune out here... What's wrong with that?_

"I don't know. Do you have everything you need?"

"Food-wise, yes."

"Well... Is there anything else you want?"

"Hey, what time is it?" Shadow asked, totally out of the blue.

"I don't know," the woman replied, seeming a little startled. Shadow nodded.

"Thanks." She searched Hiei's pockets.

"I don't have a watch."

"No, but you have a wallet," she said cheerfully, pulling said object out of his pocket. "And it's totally drenched."

"What!" He snatched it and went through everything. It was all drenched. "Oh well... The only important thing in there was money."

Shadow grabbed his wallet and went through it. "A picture of me! Hey! Where'd you get this? I never took this picture..."

"Of course you didn't, stupid! I took it."

"When? With what camera? And how did you get it developed without my knowledge?"

Hiei's head drooped to rest on her shoulder. "You're stupid."

"Well that's not very nice," Eclipse's mother noted.

"That's okay." Then she lowered her voice and added, "He'll pay for it later." He looked at her, confused. She just grinned and kissed him quickly.

"Oh... Well, anyways, Eclipse honey, do you have everything? Is there anything I could get you?"

Eclipse looked around at her friends. "I don't think there's anything, no..."

"Okay. I just wanted to check on you."

"To make sure me and my boyfriend weren't rolling around on the ground kissing and tearing off each others' clothes, I know, I know," Eclipse muttered.

Her mother looked utterly horrified by her choice of words, but quickly tried to compose herself. She laughed in what she hoped was an offhand way, but sounded obviously forced and nervous to the group. "Well, yes, that too... When do you think your friends will be going home?"

Shadow snorted. That was certainly an unprovoked, innocent question if she'd ever seen one herself.

"I was thinking midnight. Does midnight sound good to you guys?" Eclipse said, now intentionally antagonizing her mother.

"Midnight!" the woman screeched. Eclipse laughed.

"I was kidding. How does eleven sound?"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Shadow said. "It all depends on what time it is now!"

"Well we don't know what time it is!"

"Then we can't decide when we go home, because you could lower it to like, 9:30 and here it is 9:25 and we'd have to leave in five minutes!"

"You'd rather be home than here anyways!" Eclipse snapped, mockingly angry. "For OBVIOUS reasons!"

"Why thank you, yes, I know my boyfriend is more interesting than all of you put together."

"Jaganshi-san!" Eclipse's mother called over their arguement. Hiei looked up.

"Yes?"

"How old are you? My daughter says you teach at the school?"

"Taught. I'm 28."

"Oh my! Is it entirely appropriate for you to be hanging around with teenagers?"

Hiei stood up, making Shadow stand as well, and looked at Eclipse mother skeptically. "I could pass for sixteen easily. Ages are just numbers. I don't _act_ 28, I don't _look_ 28, therefore I'm not _really_ 28. See my reasoning?"

"Um... Not exactly."

"I DO!" Shadow squealed. "But it's entirely unimportant." She spun around abruptly and pointed to Yusuke. "YOU have been withholding information!"

"What!"

She grabbed his wrist. "What is this!"

"... A watch..."

"And what TIME does it say?"

"Nine twenty-five."

"BO-YEAH!" Shadow cheered, dancing. "So we've got about an hour of quality friend time before I'm probably gonna high-tail it out of here with my boyfriend, right?"

"If you say so," Eclipse agreed. "So about ten thirty, Mother. And I promise all of us will stay fully clothed for the next hour."

Her mother still seemed hesitant to leave. As if on cue, everybody moved so they were equally spaced around the logs circling the fire. She nodded her approval and left.

"So how should we spend the next hour?" Eclipse asked as she and Shadow instantly reclaimed their positions on their boyfriends' laps.

"How about we place truth or dare?" Shadow suggested. "That's a nice, safe game."

"No it's not!" Kuwabara objected, instantly having images run through his mind of 'Hiei, I dare you to catch Kuwabara on fire' or 'Kuwabara, let's have the truth about your relationship with Yukina.'

"No," Kurama agreed. "It's not. You'll end up daring me to kiss Hiei again."

"Oh! Fox! Your faith in us is so stunning! Then I'd owe _you_ a blowjob too!"

They were silent as they waited for the impact of those words to sink in to the three who didn't already know about Shadow's promise.

"Wait..." Yusuke said. "You said 'too'? Like... you already owe someone else one? And by the state of your relationship, according to Youko, I'm going to make a brilliant deduction. You're gonna high-tail it home with your boyfriend in an hour and suck him off for kissing fox-boy."

"Your mind is like a steel trap, Yusuke," Kurama commended. Kuwabara looked at the fire demons for a second, then dropped over in a dead faint.

"Kuwabara's so weak," Hiei muttered. "You would figure he'd be used to the thought of me and sex in the same sentence by now. But he just keeps passing out."

"Aw, cut him some slack, Hiei. He just doesn't want to think about a little prick like you having sex with a pretty, delicate girl like Shadow," Yusuke joked.

"We're not having sex yet," he said.

"And I'm not delicate," Shadow pouted, only to be ignored.

"You're just moving a step closer," Yusuke added, grinning.

"Apparently so."

"So are we playing truth or dare?" Shadow asked randomly.

"No," Hiei stated plainly. "You'll humiliate me."

"I wouldn't do such a thing, Hiei. You know that. You know I love you too much to make a fool out of you in front of all your friends."

"Bull," Hiei snapped.

"Fine," Shadow pouted, moving off his lap. "I'll just pout and sulk over here. Maybe I'll be a real bitch later and torture you."

"You probably will anyways."

"Oh, probably. But you know I'm a sadist. You should expect it."

"You're cruel and I hate you."

Shadow's jaw dropped and she huffed indignantly. "Fine! Jerk!"

"Oh!" Eclipse said suddenly, standing up. "We totally forgot!"

Everyone looked at her.

"Kurama and I are totally ditching you next year and we're going to America for school."

"**WHAT?**" Yusuke screamed.

"Exchange students!"

"Hey! That's awesome!" Shadow said, standing as well. "'Cause me and Hiei were just talking just now, and we decided that we'd like to take a vacation to America next year!"

"We were? We did? Was I asleep through this?" Hiei asked.

"You can't totally ditch me here with Keiko and Kuwabara!" Yusuke complained.

"Damn straight we can," Shadow snapped, pointing. Then she smiled. "Maybe you can babysit Karasu for us!"

"HELL NO!"

"Oh, he's not that bad. With Kurama in America, he'll probably be a sulking mess anyways. He'll probably end up going back to Makai and seeking out some comfort in the form of torturing innocent civilians and raping maidens and stuff, y'know?"

"He's gay. He wouldn't be raping maidens," Hiei reminded.

"That's what the 'and stuff' was for, got it? Don't you correct me on my grammar young man!" Shadow snapped. Hiei shook his head, but didn't say a word.

"What about your dog?" Yusuke asked. "If you go to America, she'll have to stay here, won't she? They won't let a dog on a plane or nothin'."

"She'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, quite."

"So you guys would be gone for like, an entire year?"

"Yes."

"So, like... You guys will leave, and you'll come back and be eighteen years old, and Kurama will be nineteen, and..." Yusuke paused. "Damn. I'll be eighteen too, then."

"What's with that, anyways?" Shadow asked randomly, looking at Kurama. "How come we're in the same grade as you, and we're 17 going on 18 and you're 18 going on 19?"

"Actually I'm not quite 18 yet, and it's because the authoress screwed up way back in her first story. Okay? So it's not like I failed a grade or anything."

"Well... if you're not 18 yet... then you won't be 19 when you graduate... So you're safe. She didn't screw up as bad as we all assumed she did there for a minute when I actually bothered to pick apart the story more than the fans do," Shadow said.

Hiei cleared his throat. "We're not supposed to talk about the story."

"Oh yeah! Yeah, totally forgot about that whole... y'know... non-existent thing... Right. I'm cool now. So, truth or dare?"

"**_NO!_**" Hiei and Kurama snapped.

"What is your obsession with that game!" Hiei asked.

Shadow shrugged. "I wanted to dare Yusuke and Kurama to kiss."

"I'm not kissing another guy!" Yusuke whined.

"Why not?" Hiei asked. "I did it."

"Because you're totally pussywhipped!"

"Hiei is about as far from pussywhipped as you can get!" Shadow snapped. "He just doesn't have anything better to do than listen to me."

"He's pussywhipped. Don't argue. Don't you want him to be pussywhipped? Aren't you a domineering freak?"

"A dominatrix?"

"Whatever."

"I'm not a dominatrix. I would never hurt Hiei."

"Yeah you would," Hiei muttered.

"Shut up!"

"See there? Verbal abuse!" Eclipse accused. "You're damaging his psyche and his self- esteem and all that psychological shit!"

"Oh, Hiei's already got a damaged psyche from being tossed off a floating island, stabbing his own hand, cutting off his own arm, nearly dying more than once throughout his life, and having a sister," Shadow dismissed. "And from being Mukuro's right hand man. And having sex with her. I bet that really screwed up his mind."

"You don't even know her!"

"You had sex with her. That's all that matters to me."

"And my sister has nothing to do with my so-called damaged psyche!"

"Changing the subject. Clearly shows that you have emotional scars from your sexual encounters with Mukuro. Did she rape you, Hiei?"

"Don't you _even_ start interrogating me about my previous sex life again! You've accused me of so many things, I've lost count! According to you, I was a prostitute, an easy target in bars, weak and submissive, raped, a total sex fiend who jumped on passersby, and so many other things I can't even remember, but that was because I was drugged, right? And this all happened in another dimension or something, considering how I was also a virgin all this time too, according to you."

Shadow was grinning and glowing with pride.

"How can you be a virgin and get raped and whore yourself off on street corners at the same time?" Yusuke asked.

"In my world, it's possible," Shadow said.

"That's a definition of virgin I wasn't previously aware of," Kurama muttered.

"So that means that all your insisting you're a virgin could really mean that you were a whore when you were in Makai?" Hiei accused.

"I was barely through puberty when I came here! I don't think demons want to screw pre-pubescent midgety little halfbreed girls!"

Hiei snorted. "True enough. They do, however, want to screw mature, beautiful girls like you."

"I know. That's why, if I ever go to Makai, you'd damn well better have some way to let them know I'm not free game."

"Yeah, I'm sure I can find a way no problem."

"Excellent. Now, what were we talking about before? Oh yeah! Truth or dare!"

"NO!"

"Spin the bottle?"

"NO!"

"I never?"

"NO!"

"Strip poker?"

"NO!"

"Not like you have much to take off anyways," Yusuke felt the need to add. Shadow looked at herself.

"Sure I do. But I'm not gonna get naked in front of you."

"Why not? You burned off all my clothes that one time. It'd only be fair payback."

"Yeah. Yeah, it'd be fair payback. Then I'd murder you," Hiei said.

"Damn, but aren't _you_ the protective one?"

"Fall off a bridge."

Yusuke was all ready to start up another fight with Hiei, but Shadow jumped in and flung a flaming marshmallow at him. He dodged it - barely - and started complaining.

"Damn, man! You're annoying! Hiei, can we go home?" Shadow asked.

"I'm not keeping you here."

"I know. You just wanna get home so I can..." She leaned close to him and licked his ear.

"Ew!" he complained. "I don't want you to lick my ear!"

"I was using your ear as an example. I wasn't about to lick your crotch."

Yusuke snorted and burst into laughter. "You two are a riot."

"Am not," Shadow protested. "A riot has a lot of angry people with sticks."

"He means you're funny," Kurama informed her. She got an enlightened look on her face.

"Ohh! Aren't I the genius!"

Hiei snorted. "Yeah, like hell."

"As I was saying before, can we leave?"

"And as I told you before, I'm not keeping you here."

Eclipse lunged over the fire and tackled them.

"I am!"

"Argh! Get off me, you freak!" Shadow complained. "You just don't want me to go home because you want me to stay here!"

"DAMN STRAIGHT!"

"Well fuck you! Now I'm gonna leave just because you don't want me to!"

"No, you're gonna leave because you want to hear Hiei moan your name!"

"That too, bitch!"

"Well fuck you, bastard!"

"I'm a girl!"

"Like hell!"

"She's a girl," Hiei assure Eclipse from under both of them. "Could you guys get off me?"

"YOU SAY I'M A GIRL THEN YOU CALL US BOTH GUYS!"

"Would you ladies please get the hell off me before I pick you both up and toss you in the fire? Is that better?"

They were up in a flash.

"Anyways, it's 10:30!" Shadow snapped, grabbing Yusuke's wrist and looking at his watch.

"It's actually about 10:12..." he corrected. She hit him.

"Shut up! That's only 28 numbers away!"

"Eighteen," Kurama corrected.

"Shut up!"

"Jeesh Hiei. She must be nervous," Eclipse said.

"Like hell I am!" Shadow snapped. "Come on, Hiei! We're going home!"

"How? I came with Kurama from the school."

"I came on my motorcycle from the school." She smiled sweetly at Eclipse. "Lovely party, this was. But me and my skantily clad sexiness has to go home and perform sexual favors for my hot, muscular boyfriend and his... Mr. Happy. Ja mata ne!"

"Get lost, ya unappreciative jerks!" Eclipse snapped, shaking a threatening fist at them as they left.

"Hiei!" Yusuke called, jogging to catch up. "I'll be expecting a report tomorrow. I'll call you first thing in the morning."

Yusuke's face was mashed between a slap and a punch, and he was lucky to escape with only a bloody nose.

"I'm still calling him tomorrow," he muttered as Kurama squatted beside him to see how he was.

"I'm going to ask him in person," Kurama said, "just so I can end up like you."

"Awesome idea. But he won't hit you. You can credit it to Youko, and he'll just whip the fox's ass next time he sees him."

"Youko does have his uses..."

Eclipse, meanwhile, was in front of the house as Shadow pulled her motorcycle out of the garage.

"Bye!" she said, suddenly a happy person unstead of calling them unappreciative jerks. "Bye-bye! Have fun! Don't get diseases! Don't choke! Don't do it while Karasu's in the house! Make sure the windows are shut and the curtains are drawn incase Karasu decides he wants to watch anyways! Don't get pregnant! Bye-bye! Have fun! Ta-ta! I wanna know all about it tomorrow! Good-bye! See ya! Ta-ta! Adios! Ciao! Sayounara!"

"Gods, give me speed," Shadow muttered. Hiei tightened his grip around her, predicting imminent 150 mph speeds. He was right. They tore off, doing a wheely and nearly dumping Hiei on his ass, then zooming down the street at about 125 mph.

Yusuke and Kurama were standing on either side of Eclipse, watching them vanish down the street. Kuwabara was on Kurama's other side, hands in his pockets in a grumpy manner. Yusuke sniffled.

"Why do I feel like I just sent my kids off to their first day of kindergarten?"

"Because you're a loser," Eclipse told him. Yusuke flung his arms around Kurama.

"They're just growing up so fast! It's heart-wrenching! I remember when I used to taunt them and have them furiously deny they even liked each other! Now they're all grown up and having _oral sex!_"

Kurama nearly choked on his laughter, but managed to keep it to a muffled snicker. Eclipse bopped Yusuke on the head.

"Get off my boyfriend you freak!"

Kurama kissed her gently. "We should be going, too. My mother's probably starting to worry."

"At least that's reasonable. My mother thinks we're gonna have sex every time we're both out of her eyesight."

"And my mother wouldn't notice if I had an orgy in the living room," Yusuke said joyfully. "Okay! Let's go! I need to sleep."

And so, Kurama, Kuwabara, and Yusuke piled into Kurama's car and he drove off to return them all home. I'd say he drove off into the sunset, y'know, for a nice, lame ending like that, but it was 10:30 at night, mind you. The sun had already set.

...And this, my friends and loyal fans, is where I end this story.

**THANK THE GODS IN HEAVEN ALMIGHTY! I'M FREE! **

This is my life's biggest accomplishment. And I am not kidding. (How sad is that?)

* * *

See? What'd I say? Perverted.And just a bit of trivia: The things the girlswere saying while they were filling up the balloons behind the house... Most of them are things Eclipse and I were saying when we were filling up water balloons. That's what inspired this chapter. We were having lots of fun. We went straight inside and I started writing this on her computer after we'd dried off and such.

And that's it for this story. I haven't worked on the next one since like... a while ago. The last time I updated or something. I'll post it whenever I feel oh so inclined. HAHAHA! Like, in two weeks! When I finished it! Muwahahaha!

Ja mata!  
-SJ


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